Romeo and Juliet
**
NoV: Hello once again. (Sighs in boredom)
Gourry: (balancing a spoon on his nose) Lookatme!! I'm a seal!!!
Sylphiel: (throws him a peanut that he catches in his mouth) Very good, Gourry-dear! You have so much talent!
Lina: (To Zelgadis) She's only fooling herself.
Zelgadis: It's sad, really.
Xelloss: (to audience) We're waiting for Martina. OR, should I say 'Martin,' since she's playing a male's role.
Martina: (from her dressing room) I heard that, Master Xelloss!!
Xelloss: Ah.. (sinks into his chair) I just love to be called that. Somebody fan me with a giant leaf.
NoV: Martina!! What's the hold-up??
Martina: (Still in her dressing room) My zipper's stuck!
NoV: Did you think to move your other clothes away from the zipper while zipping it up?
Martina: (no response)
NoV: (sigh) I'm coming in. (knocks on the door) Martina.
Martina: JUSTAMINUTE!!!
Xelloss: Oh, I'll help! (teleports inside the room)
Martina: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!
WHACK!
Xelloss: (teleports out of the room, grabs NoV's collar) Don't go in there!! For the love of Zelas, don't!!!! IT WAS HORRIBLE!!!!
NoV: Stop..shaking..meeeee...
Zelas: (suddenly appears) I'll handle this. (Teleports in Martina's dressing room) AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! (quickly teleports out, panting) IT WAS- THE ZIPPER WAS-IT WAS HORRIBLE!!!
Xelloss: Isn't that what I said?
NoV: Puh-lease! It can't possibly be that bad..Phibby, you go in there.
Phibby: Hey! NO way! She already hates me.
NoV: Oh, no. She thinks your cute. Just pretend that you aren't evil.
Phibby: But she already knows that I'm a mazoku.
NoV: But..can't you hypnotize her or something?
Phibby: ..no.
NoV: ..
Minna: ..
NoV: BISHOUNEN!!!
Bishounen: (zips right beside NoV) Yes? How may I be of service?
NoV: (blinks) Um..scary. Bishounen, go in there and help Martina with her zipper.
Bishounen: (is about to say something)
Martina: OH NO HE'S NOT!!
NoV: MARTINA!! My play!!!
Martina: Well..he'll see my low-cut top and my very small and skimpy lower garments!!
Minna: -.-
Xelloss: I think he may have already seen those.
Martina: Well, I refuse to let anyone see me in this condition!!
NoV: What if...I blindfold him?
Martina: ...
NoV: Martina?
Martina: ... (very small nearly inaudible voice) Oh-kay.
NoV: Good. (pulls a piece of cloth from up her sleeve) Come here, Bishounen.
Bishounen: Oh-kay!
NoV: (Tries to reach Bishounen's eyes, but is too short) Doh...Lina, I need to borrow your stepping stool.
Lina: (blush) I didn't think anybody knew about that!! (digs the stool out of her closet, hands it to NoV) Here.
NoV: (Steps up, and is now tall enough, ties the cloth over Bishounen's eyes) Oh-kay, now you-
Bishounen: Cool! Where's the piñata??
Minna: -.-0
NoV: (directs him toward the door and shoves him in)
Sounds are heard inside Martina's dressing room.
Martina: Now, just grab this here and pull it up.
Bishounen: What? This?
Martina: AAG!! NO!! NOT THAT!!! (calmer) This.
Bishounen: Oh!
Martina: YOWCH!! WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO ZIP, BUDDY??
Bishounen: Sorry..
Martina: Hmm?? HEY! It's not stuck anymore! You're a genius!!
Bishounen: Wow! ..who's a genius?
Martina: ..you.
Bishounen: Wow! Really?
(both emerge from the room, Bishounen now blindfold-less; Martina is wearing a large, brown cloak that is ten times too big for her)
Martina: (clings to Bishounen's arm) Thank-you, Master Bishounen.
Minna: -.-0
Xelloss: Looks like she's found another one.
Lina: And so soon after getting over Phibby, too.
Phibby: (shrugs) What can I say? The girl's that like me learn to be fast healers.
Bishounen: Listen, Miss Martina, I'm-I'm married.
Martina: Did you say something, my love?
Bishounen: (Sigh) No.
NoV: Oh-kay, can we PLEASE start this scene????
Martina: I hate to leave you like this, my dear, but the stage calls for me!
Xelloss: (whisks Lina into his arms, mocking Martina) I hate to leave you like this, darling, but the stage, she calls to me!!
Lina: FIREBALL!!
Xelloss: (coughs) I like 'em feisty.
Lina: Fruitcake.
NoV: (pushes Martina and Xelloss on-stage) Get your rears in gear!!
Martina: Hmph. No one has any respect for stars these days.
Xelloss: Star, my stick.
Martina: :P
Xelloss: Good-morrow, father!
Martina: OH.. (turns bright red) Benedicite! What early tongue so sweet saluteth me? Our Romeo hath not been in bed to-night.
Xelloss: That last is true, the sweeter rest was mine.
Martina: God pardon sin! Wast thou with Rosaline, that ugly crow-hoe?
NoV: That isn't in the script, and you know it!
Martina: Who cares? This is MY role, and if I have to be a male, I'm going to do it MY way!
Xelloss: With Rosaline, my ghostly father? Um..ew. No; I have forgot that name, and that name's woe.
Martina: That's my good son: but here hast thou been, then?
Xelloss: I'll tell thee, ere thou ask it me again. To tell the truth, I was having fun at Valgaav's last night.
Valgaav: AAGG!!
Filia: NAMAGOMI!!! HOW DARE YOU HARM my lil Val-Val's FRAGILE PSYCHE!!!!!???!! I'll KILL you!!
Xelloss: Unlikely, Fi-chan. ^.^
Martina: Be plain, good son, and homely in thy drift; riddling confession finds but riddling shrift.
Xelloss: Then plainly know my heart's dear love is set on the fair daughter of rich Capulet..hey, you know, some of this stuff rhymes!
NoV: (flatly) Yes. That's called a 'couplet.'
Xelloss: And all combin'd, save what thou must combine by holy marriage: when and where and how we met, we woo'd and made exchange of vow, I'll tell thee as we pass; but this I pray, that thou consent to marry us to-day.
Martina: Pushing it a bit, aren't we? Women may fall, when there's no strength in men.
Xelloss: Thou chidd'st me oft for loving Rosaline.
Martina: For doting, not for loving, pupil mine.
Xelloss: Wow! That rhymes too! And bad'st me bury the L word.
Martina: Not in a grave, to lay in one, another out to have.
Xelloss: I pray thee, chide not; she, whom I love now doth grace for grace and lo-looooo..the L word for the L word allow; the other did not so.
Martina: O! she knew well thy love did read by rote and could not spell. But come, young waverer, com, go with me, in one respect I'll thy assistant be; for this alliance may so happy prove, to turn your households' rancour to pure love.
Xelloss: O! let us hence; I stand on sudden haste.
Martina: Wisely and slowly; they stumble that run fast.
(both leave the stage)
NoV: That was not too bad.
Martina: (glomps Bishounen)
NoV: (sigh) I have a feeling I'm going to need to bring Ah Kum here for the next scene. Otherwise, I will have made Bishounen cheat on her.
Bishounen: Please..you shouldn't..
Martina: Master Bishounen! Master Bishounen! (jumps up and down like a happy puppy)
NoV: Join us next time!
**
NoV: Hello once again. (Sighs in boredom)
Gourry: (balancing a spoon on his nose) Lookatme!! I'm a seal!!!
Sylphiel: (throws him a peanut that he catches in his mouth) Very good, Gourry-dear! You have so much talent!
Lina: (To Zelgadis) She's only fooling herself.
Zelgadis: It's sad, really.
Xelloss: (to audience) We're waiting for Martina. OR, should I say 'Martin,' since she's playing a male's role.
Martina: (from her dressing room) I heard that, Master Xelloss!!
Xelloss: Ah.. (sinks into his chair) I just love to be called that. Somebody fan me with a giant leaf.
NoV: Martina!! What's the hold-up??
Martina: (Still in her dressing room) My zipper's stuck!
NoV: Did you think to move your other clothes away from the zipper while zipping it up?
Martina: (no response)
NoV: (sigh) I'm coming in. (knocks on the door) Martina.
Martina: JUSTAMINUTE!!!
Xelloss: Oh, I'll help! (teleports inside the room)
Martina: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!
WHACK!
Xelloss: (teleports out of the room, grabs NoV's collar) Don't go in there!! For the love of Zelas, don't!!!! IT WAS HORRIBLE!!!!
NoV: Stop..shaking..meeeee...
Zelas: (suddenly appears) I'll handle this. (Teleports in Martina's dressing room) AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! (quickly teleports out, panting) IT WAS- THE ZIPPER WAS-IT WAS HORRIBLE!!!
Xelloss: Isn't that what I said?
NoV: Puh-lease! It can't possibly be that bad..Phibby, you go in there.
Phibby: Hey! NO way! She already hates me.
NoV: Oh, no. She thinks your cute. Just pretend that you aren't evil.
Phibby: But she already knows that I'm a mazoku.
NoV: But..can't you hypnotize her or something?
Phibby: ..no.
NoV: ..
Minna: ..
NoV: BISHOUNEN!!!
Bishounen: (zips right beside NoV) Yes? How may I be of service?
NoV: (blinks) Um..scary. Bishounen, go in there and help Martina with her zipper.
Bishounen: (is about to say something)
Martina: OH NO HE'S NOT!!
NoV: MARTINA!! My play!!!
Martina: Well..he'll see my low-cut top and my very small and skimpy lower garments!!
Minna: -.-
Xelloss: I think he may have already seen those.
Martina: Well, I refuse to let anyone see me in this condition!!
NoV: What if...I blindfold him?
Martina: ...
NoV: Martina?
Martina: ... (very small nearly inaudible voice) Oh-kay.
NoV: Good. (pulls a piece of cloth from up her sleeve) Come here, Bishounen.
Bishounen: Oh-kay!
NoV: (Tries to reach Bishounen's eyes, but is too short) Doh...Lina, I need to borrow your stepping stool.
Lina: (blush) I didn't think anybody knew about that!! (digs the stool out of her closet, hands it to NoV) Here.
NoV: (Steps up, and is now tall enough, ties the cloth over Bishounen's eyes) Oh-kay, now you-
Bishounen: Cool! Where's the piñata??
Minna: -.-0
NoV: (directs him toward the door and shoves him in)
Sounds are heard inside Martina's dressing room.
Martina: Now, just grab this here and pull it up.
Bishounen: What? This?
Martina: AAG!! NO!! NOT THAT!!! (calmer) This.
Bishounen: Oh!
Martina: YOWCH!! WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO ZIP, BUDDY??
Bishounen: Sorry..
Martina: Hmm?? HEY! It's not stuck anymore! You're a genius!!
Bishounen: Wow! ..who's a genius?
Martina: ..you.
Bishounen: Wow! Really?
(both emerge from the room, Bishounen now blindfold-less; Martina is wearing a large, brown cloak that is ten times too big for her)
Martina: (clings to Bishounen's arm) Thank-you, Master Bishounen.
Minna: -.-0
Xelloss: Looks like she's found another one.
Lina: And so soon after getting over Phibby, too.
Phibby: (shrugs) What can I say? The girl's that like me learn to be fast healers.
Bishounen: Listen, Miss Martina, I'm-I'm married.
Martina: Did you say something, my love?
Bishounen: (Sigh) No.
NoV: Oh-kay, can we PLEASE start this scene????
Martina: I hate to leave you like this, my dear, but the stage calls for me!
Xelloss: (whisks Lina into his arms, mocking Martina) I hate to leave you like this, darling, but the stage, she calls to me!!
Lina: FIREBALL!!
Xelloss: (coughs) I like 'em feisty.
Lina: Fruitcake.
NoV: (pushes Martina and Xelloss on-stage) Get your rears in gear!!
Martina: Hmph. No one has any respect for stars these days.
Xelloss: Star, my stick.
Martina: :P
Xelloss: Good-morrow, father!
Martina: OH.. (turns bright red) Benedicite! What early tongue so sweet saluteth me? Our Romeo hath not been in bed to-night.
Xelloss: That last is true, the sweeter rest was mine.
Martina: God pardon sin! Wast thou with Rosaline, that ugly crow-hoe?
NoV: That isn't in the script, and you know it!
Martina: Who cares? This is MY role, and if I have to be a male, I'm going to do it MY way!
Xelloss: With Rosaline, my ghostly father? Um..ew. No; I have forgot that name, and that name's woe.
Martina: That's my good son: but here hast thou been, then?
Xelloss: I'll tell thee, ere thou ask it me again. To tell the truth, I was having fun at Valgaav's last night.
Valgaav: AAGG!!
Filia: NAMAGOMI!!! HOW DARE YOU HARM my lil Val-Val's FRAGILE PSYCHE!!!!!???!! I'll KILL you!!
Xelloss: Unlikely, Fi-chan. ^.^
Martina: Be plain, good son, and homely in thy drift; riddling confession finds but riddling shrift.
Xelloss: Then plainly know my heart's dear love is set on the fair daughter of rich Capulet..hey, you know, some of this stuff rhymes!
NoV: (flatly) Yes. That's called a 'couplet.'
Xelloss: And all combin'd, save what thou must combine by holy marriage: when and where and how we met, we woo'd and made exchange of vow, I'll tell thee as we pass; but this I pray, that thou consent to marry us to-day.
Martina: Pushing it a bit, aren't we? Women may fall, when there's no strength in men.
Xelloss: Thou chidd'st me oft for loving Rosaline.
Martina: For doting, not for loving, pupil mine.
Xelloss: Wow! That rhymes too! And bad'st me bury the L word.
Martina: Not in a grave, to lay in one, another out to have.
Xelloss: I pray thee, chide not; she, whom I love now doth grace for grace and lo-looooo..the L word for the L word allow; the other did not so.
Martina: O! she knew well thy love did read by rote and could not spell. But come, young waverer, com, go with me, in one respect I'll thy assistant be; for this alliance may so happy prove, to turn your households' rancour to pure love.
Xelloss: O! let us hence; I stand on sudden haste.
Martina: Wisely and slowly; they stumble that run fast.
(both leave the stage)
NoV: That was not too bad.
Martina: (glomps Bishounen)
NoV: (sigh) I have a feeling I'm going to need to bring Ah Kum here for the next scene. Otherwise, I will have made Bishounen cheat on her.
Bishounen: Please..you shouldn't..
Martina: Master Bishounen! Master Bishounen! (jumps up and down like a happy puppy)
NoV: Join us next time!