Jack sighed, glancing down at the mission briefing in his hands. It was a simple enough mission, but he knew from experience how often simple turned into horrific catastrophe. It was almost more than he could bear, letting her go into that alone. Well, maybe not alone, she had Daniel and Teal'c, and that was the only reason this was ok. He'd knew they'd never let any harm come to her. But still, to not be there, not to watch her when she wasn't looking, not to catch her when she fell, or protect her when the bad guys came for her, not even to look round and see her face beside him, it was killing him. The thought that something could happen to her, the kind of thing that happened to SG teams on a regular basis, and SG1 more than most, and not be there, just to be with her as disaster struck, was an unbearable sharp pain. Not that she needed protecting, but that he needed to protect her.
He felt a twinge in his knee, and he winced. This was the reason he'd finally accepted he had to stop going on missions. Three knee operations so far, and it still wasn't back to normal, and never would be. Not to mention the other scars, and aches, and injuries that were beginning to slow him down, have to make him work a little harder to catch up with Teal'c, to even catch up with Daniel. And that last experience, with the Ancient's repository, and being frozen, had really drained him. He hadn't told anyone (he wouldn't have had to tell Janet, she'd have guessed. God, he missed her) but he still hadn't fully recovered. There were still days when it hurt just to get out of bed. And what would have been the point of being there, with her, with all of them, if he no longer had the strength to protect her? Being left behind was bad, but worse would have been to go with her, and fail to help her at the crucial moment because he was no longer the man he had been.
"Incoming wormhole." He heard Davis announce, and ignoring the twinge in his knee, he ran.
Out of old habit, he ran directly into the gateroom, instead of the control room where he belonged. He glanced up at the window.
"It's SG1's code." Davis announced, calmly.
"Open the iris." Jack ordered. It spun open, so slowly, and then the gate opened. And to his relief, SG1 came down the ramp, all alive, together and unhurt.
"You're late." He snapped.
"Sorry, Sir. Daniel got caught up in some local trouble." Sam explained.
"It's always you, isn't it." Jack accused, looking at Daniel, but still too relieved to be really angry.
"It wasn't my fault!" Daniel insisted. "These creatures..."
"Not now." Jack halted him. "You can tell me at the debrief in half an hour."
Daniel started to argue, then noticed that Sam had come to a stop in front of Jack, and his attention was now fully on her. Teal'c and Daniel left.
"So, it went okay?" he asked. She looked different. Her back was little straighter, her chin a little higher. Confidence radiated out of her. She looked every inch a commander, and Jack had a flashback, to eight years ago, standing here with a nervous, awe-struck captain, reaching for the gate with wonder. She'd changed so much, and every change for the better.
"It went fine, Sir."
"Did you miss me?" he asked, hands in pockets, rocking on his heels nonchalantly, to cover the intensity behind the question. She smiled
"Very much. But it's good to have you to come back to." She told him, and he felt a little warmer inside. It wasn't so bad, being left behind, if she came back to him. She turned to leave, then turned back.
"Sir, after the debriefing, do you want to get some cake, and I can tell you all the things that won't make the official report?". She smiled, a little nervously, as if she shouldn't be asking the question. He felt a little relieved. Beneath Colonel Carter, she was still his Sam.
"Carter, I will always want to have cake with you." He told her. They left, and for once, knowing there was nobody more senior on base to keep an eye on the regs, he put his hand on her back as they left the gateroom.
THE END