Romeo and Juliet
(backstage)
NoV: .....summer bores me, so I decided to wind the gears and start up the play again!
Lina: Oh, and you weren't bored LAST summer?? You left this stupid play just hanging in the air for almost two years!! How could you do that to us??
NoV: So you DO like the play.
Xelloss: Of course she does.
NoV: And YOU like it too, huh, Xelly?
Xelloss: Well....err.....
Bishounen: (in the closet) Hey! Lemme out!
Xelloss: Must go tend to Bisho!
NoV: Zelgadis, you like my play, right?
Zelgadis: YOUR play? That's funny. I was sure this was Shakespeare's play....
NoV: (huffs) FINE!! I need Mercutio and Benvolio. Phibby? Gourry?
Gourry: Zzzzz....
Lina: (hits him) Wake up, stupid!
Gourry: Wha??? Is it time for lunch yet?
NoV: No. It's time for Act three! After all these years.....(grabs Phibby by the collar as he makes his way for the stage) And if you screw up like you did last time you went on stage, I'll—
Phibby: (pops away and reappears by the curtain) Yeah, yeah.....
NoV: Try to be entertaining for our audience!......wait! Is there still an audience out there?? (sticks her head through the curtain; gets hit with a tomato; goes backstage) Yep. They're still out there. (wipes off the tomato juice)
Milgasia: I'm going on vacation.
NoV: No! You can't! You're the prince!!! You have to make peace at the end of the play!! You can't just walk out on me!
Milgasia: Just kidding.
NoV: -.-0
(on-stage)
Gourry: I pray thee....good Mercutio, let's retire: the day is hot, the Capulets abroad, and if we meet, we shall not 'scrape a brawl; for now these hot days, is the mad blood stirring.
(backstage)
NoV: Oh, Gourry, you're my hero!!!
(on-stage)
Gourry: I am??
Phibby: You're like one of those guys that walks into a bar and says "Ow!"
Gourry: Really? .....what does that mean?
Phibby: You're as hot as Jack and so moody....Phibby like moody.
(backstage)
NoV: (flipping through the script) Well....it's not word for word, but....it's as close as we've gotten from Phibby, so.....I shall not bother him.
Filia: Val-darling, what are you doing?
Val: Making gravy.....wanna try some?
Filia: Sure! Hmmm....(tastes the gravy) That's the best gravy in the whole world! I'm gonna tell everyone! AHH! (falls down unconscious)
NoV: Would you two stop playing around? Things are finally sorta going my way over here!
Gaav: Ernest, it's about time for my big scene.....I'm kinda nervous.....
Ernest: Don't worry, big brother. I'm there for you 100%.
Gaav: I love you, man!
Ernest: Me too! And, if I had arms, I'd hug ya.
(on-stage)
Gourry: What?
Phibby: Something about eyes, eggs, nuts, and hair.....
Gourry: I like eggs! And nuts!
Phibby: That's.....disturbing.....
Gourry: Hey, look! It's....some guy!
Phibby: So what?
Gaav: (goes on-stage) Follow me, for I will speak to them. Those poor, infantile, low-life, consternated—
NoV: Gaav!!
Gaav: Good day, gentlemen! A word with one of you!
Phibby: With me, right? You wanna have a word with me?
Gaav: You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, an you will give me occasion.
Phibby: What?
Gaav: Mercutio, thou consort....'st....with Romeo---
Phibby: Consort! Who else yelled out consort when they got mad?....who......I know it....I'll think of it....
Gourry: Guys, stop fighting!
Phibby: Who's fighting?
(backstage)
NoV: Okay, Xelloss....go now.....Xelloss??? God!!!!!!!!
Filia: You should have figured the stupid namagomi wouldn't come through for you! You should have picked a nobler, down-to-earth, blessed soul like Val-Val to play the part of Romeo!
NoV: (grabs Zelas by the shirt) Where is he?? I know that you know where he is!!
Zelas: Hey! (wrestles her shirt away) This is silk!
NoV: What did he say right before I saw him last.....the closet!! (runs over and opens the closet)
Xelloss: (sitting among some clothes with Bishounen) Merry Christmas!!
NoV: You're on, you're on!! Act three!! They're dying out there!!
(on-stage)
Gaav: Um....I wonder.....what's taking Romeo so long....
Gourry: Who's Romeo? Is he your OTHER other head?
Ernest: What?? How could you hide another other head from me all these years??
Gaav: I-I didn't! I swear, Ernest!
Ernest: Aww, I can't stay mad at you, Gaav-bunny.....
Xelloss: (bounds on-stage, dragging a flowery hat) Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee (kicks the hat away) is because you're just so loyal and cuuuuuute.
NoV: OY.....(slaps herself)
Gaav: Boy, this shall not excuse the pain, torment, and heartache that came when I was cast aside by my own friends and treated like I was lower than dirt! All those years ago....I was starved for affection, for attention!!
NoV: Remind me, someone. Who the hell was the casting agent that helped me make such wonderful decisions such as casting Gaav in the play?
Bishounen: Oooh! That was me! (beams)
NoV: (softens) Oh, that's wonderful, sweetie.
(on-stage)
Xelloss: I do protest, I never injur'd thee....as I recall I was always on the rough end of our "encounters."
Gourry: Are you guys like aliens or something?
Minna: (sweatdrop)
Phibby: O calm, dishonorable, vile, yet starved for affection, I'll admit, alla stocata, virgin pina colada! Tybalt, you rat-catcher!
Gaav: Rat catcher??
Ernest: He won't take that sitting down! Or standing....or laying....
Gaav: If it's a fight you want.....
Phibby: You stupid blowhard! You can't even find your way to the pointy end of the sword!
Gaav: (pulls out his sword) I.....am for you! (dramatic pose)
Xelloss: (grabs Gourry by the arm) And Gourry is for me.
Phibby: (floats to Gaav and pulls his finger back and forth between Gaav's arm) I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you!
Gaav: Grrr....(swings his sword and misses) Come back here, you little arrogant—
Gourry: Guys....don't ruin NoV's play that she tried so hard to make good....
NoV: Gourry! It's okay! They're doing it right!!
Gourry: Guys!! I said (smashes Phibby's head into Gaav's head) stop fighting. (pleased) I did real good, huh, Lina?
Lina: -.-0
NoV: (frantically flipping through the script) Well.....I suppose it's okay....they both WERE supposed to die....
Xelloss: Hey! No fair! I was supposed to get to kill Gaav! (whines)
NoV: Too bad! You should have kept Gourry under control!
Xelloss: Why is he MY responsibility?
Zelgadis: Because. You two are in the 'sanctity of buddydome', remember?
Gourry: Yeah! That means we're friends forever!
Xelloss: Oy vey.....
NoV: Join us for the next installment....which will be up before two years is.
(backstage)
NoV: .....summer bores me, so I decided to wind the gears and start up the play again!
Lina: Oh, and you weren't bored LAST summer?? You left this stupid play just hanging in the air for almost two years!! How could you do that to us??
NoV: So you DO like the play.
Xelloss: Of course she does.
NoV: And YOU like it too, huh, Xelly?
Xelloss: Well....err.....
Bishounen: (in the closet) Hey! Lemme out!
Xelloss: Must go tend to Bisho!
NoV: Zelgadis, you like my play, right?
Zelgadis: YOUR play? That's funny. I was sure this was Shakespeare's play....
NoV: (huffs) FINE!! I need Mercutio and Benvolio. Phibby? Gourry?
Gourry: Zzzzz....
Lina: (hits him) Wake up, stupid!
Gourry: Wha??? Is it time for lunch yet?
NoV: No. It's time for Act three! After all these years.....(grabs Phibby by the collar as he makes his way for the stage) And if you screw up like you did last time you went on stage, I'll—
Phibby: (pops away and reappears by the curtain) Yeah, yeah.....
NoV: Try to be entertaining for our audience!......wait! Is there still an audience out there?? (sticks her head through the curtain; gets hit with a tomato; goes backstage) Yep. They're still out there. (wipes off the tomato juice)
Milgasia: I'm going on vacation.
NoV: No! You can't! You're the prince!!! You have to make peace at the end of the play!! You can't just walk out on me!
Milgasia: Just kidding.
NoV: -.-0
(on-stage)
Gourry: I pray thee....good Mercutio, let's retire: the day is hot, the Capulets abroad, and if we meet, we shall not 'scrape a brawl; for now these hot days, is the mad blood stirring.
(backstage)
NoV: Oh, Gourry, you're my hero!!!
(on-stage)
Gourry: I am??
Phibby: You're like one of those guys that walks into a bar and says "Ow!"
Gourry: Really? .....what does that mean?
Phibby: You're as hot as Jack and so moody....Phibby like moody.
(backstage)
NoV: (flipping through the script) Well....it's not word for word, but....it's as close as we've gotten from Phibby, so.....I shall not bother him.
Filia: Val-darling, what are you doing?
Val: Making gravy.....wanna try some?
Filia: Sure! Hmmm....(tastes the gravy) That's the best gravy in the whole world! I'm gonna tell everyone! AHH! (falls down unconscious)
NoV: Would you two stop playing around? Things are finally sorta going my way over here!
Gaav: Ernest, it's about time for my big scene.....I'm kinda nervous.....
Ernest: Don't worry, big brother. I'm there for you 100%.
Gaav: I love you, man!
Ernest: Me too! And, if I had arms, I'd hug ya.
(on-stage)
Gourry: What?
Phibby: Something about eyes, eggs, nuts, and hair.....
Gourry: I like eggs! And nuts!
Phibby: That's.....disturbing.....
Gourry: Hey, look! It's....some guy!
Phibby: So what?
Gaav: (goes on-stage) Follow me, for I will speak to them. Those poor, infantile, low-life, consternated—
NoV: Gaav!!
Gaav: Good day, gentlemen! A word with one of you!
Phibby: With me, right? You wanna have a word with me?
Gaav: You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, an you will give me occasion.
Phibby: What?
Gaav: Mercutio, thou consort....'st....with Romeo---
Phibby: Consort! Who else yelled out consort when they got mad?....who......I know it....I'll think of it....
Gourry: Guys, stop fighting!
Phibby: Who's fighting?
(backstage)
NoV: Okay, Xelloss....go now.....Xelloss??? God!!!!!!!!
Filia: You should have figured the stupid namagomi wouldn't come through for you! You should have picked a nobler, down-to-earth, blessed soul like Val-Val to play the part of Romeo!
NoV: (grabs Zelas by the shirt) Where is he?? I know that you know where he is!!
Zelas: Hey! (wrestles her shirt away) This is silk!
NoV: What did he say right before I saw him last.....the closet!! (runs over and opens the closet)
Xelloss: (sitting among some clothes with Bishounen) Merry Christmas!!
NoV: You're on, you're on!! Act three!! They're dying out there!!
(on-stage)
Gaav: Um....I wonder.....what's taking Romeo so long....
Gourry: Who's Romeo? Is he your OTHER other head?
Ernest: What?? How could you hide another other head from me all these years??
Gaav: I-I didn't! I swear, Ernest!
Ernest: Aww, I can't stay mad at you, Gaav-bunny.....
Xelloss: (bounds on-stage, dragging a flowery hat) Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee (kicks the hat away) is because you're just so loyal and cuuuuuute.
NoV: OY.....(slaps herself)
Gaav: Boy, this shall not excuse the pain, torment, and heartache that came when I was cast aside by my own friends and treated like I was lower than dirt! All those years ago....I was starved for affection, for attention!!
NoV: Remind me, someone. Who the hell was the casting agent that helped me make such wonderful decisions such as casting Gaav in the play?
Bishounen: Oooh! That was me! (beams)
NoV: (softens) Oh, that's wonderful, sweetie.
(on-stage)
Xelloss: I do protest, I never injur'd thee....as I recall I was always on the rough end of our "encounters."
Gourry: Are you guys like aliens or something?
Minna: (sweatdrop)
Phibby: O calm, dishonorable, vile, yet starved for affection, I'll admit, alla stocata, virgin pina colada! Tybalt, you rat-catcher!
Gaav: Rat catcher??
Ernest: He won't take that sitting down! Or standing....or laying....
Gaav: If it's a fight you want.....
Phibby: You stupid blowhard! You can't even find your way to the pointy end of the sword!
Gaav: (pulls out his sword) I.....am for you! (dramatic pose)
Xelloss: (grabs Gourry by the arm) And Gourry is for me.
Phibby: (floats to Gaav and pulls his finger back and forth between Gaav's arm) I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you!
Gaav: Grrr....(swings his sword and misses) Come back here, you little arrogant—
Gourry: Guys....don't ruin NoV's play that she tried so hard to make good....
NoV: Gourry! It's okay! They're doing it right!!
Gourry: Guys!! I said (smashes Phibby's head into Gaav's head) stop fighting. (pleased) I did real good, huh, Lina?
Lina: -.-0
NoV: (frantically flipping through the script) Well.....I suppose it's okay....they both WERE supposed to die....
Xelloss: Hey! No fair! I was supposed to get to kill Gaav! (whines)
NoV: Too bad! You should have kept Gourry under control!
Xelloss: Why is he MY responsibility?
Zelgadis: Because. You two are in the 'sanctity of buddydome', remember?
Gourry: Yeah! That means we're friends forever!
Xelloss: Oy vey.....
NoV: Join us for the next installment....which will be up before two years is.