Wishes
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize doesn't belong to me.
A/N: This is about how Momiji feels about his mum. And all this happens in Episode 15 where Momiji tells Tohru about his mother. I also added other things… All italics are Momiji's thoughts or flashbacks.
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Every night, a little boy will come to this building and peer at you from a corner watching you, careful to not let you discover his presence, hoping in his little heart that you would remember him as your own flesh and blood, not just some other kid in the large Sohma family and love him for being your child.
But… Do you know that…Mother?
Tears welled up in the boy's brown eyes as he once again watched the elegant lady hold the little girl's hand, walking down the corridor towards the office of the chairman of the company.
The woman reached out to open the door and glanced briefly behind.
Momiji felt his heart leap with joy.
Perhaps she has seen me!
And she merely shook her head; seemingly shrugging off whatever odd feeling she had felt at that instant.
No… She hasn't seen me…Something heavy settled in his heart as he felt a pang of sadness stir within him.
The beautiful German lady, whom Momiji took after so much, stepped into the room and hugged the man inside as the little girl smiled happily and chirped, "Daddy!"
Then, the door closed…
Seemingly closing Momiji out of this life, out of the family he was born into yet never truly acknowledged his existence as part of it.
For a brief moment, just a few seconds, little Momiji would look at that door, wordlessly.
Then the tears came…
And he would turn his back on the door, his back sliding against the cold hard wall as he folded his legs, seated in the small dark corner, admiring the photos of his family, wishing with all his heart that his mother still had her memories and had accepted him Momiji, as her child…
Mother…-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On another night along the corridor of Momiji's father's building…
"Momiji, which of your parents is German?"
"My mother!" and with a bright smile on his face, the younger boy dug in his pockets, fishing out a small picture frame, "Want to see her picture?"
"Wow! What a great beauty!"
Momiji's grin grew bigger at this as he giggled happily, almost as if Tohru had paid him a compliment. "Of course!"
"My mum and my dad… oh, my father is a Sohma, anyway, both of them met in the university and married soon after their graduation!"
Gleefully, he continued, "My dad is terrific! He should count his lucky stars for being able to marry such a beautiful wife!"
Not noticing Tohru's overwhelmed expression, Momiji went on, his eyes lighting up as he plunged into the introduction of his family, "I have a sister too! She's called Momo! She's real cute and she resembles every inch of my mother!"
Upon hearing this, Tohru's eyes grew even bigger as she cut in, astonished, "Momiji! You have siblings too?!"
"Yes! She's still in primary two though… …she's very cute!"
Tohru smiled upon listening to the boy's enthusiastic ranting. It was sweet to see how happy Momiji was when he talked about his family.
"Then they will meet Daddy to go home together… oh! It's almost time!"
"Then you'll go home together as a family right?"
The smile on his face did not fade. "Yes! If only we can… That would be great then… but…"
The smile began to waver… It was hard to keep up a happy front all the time…
"But… But my mother… She… She doesn't really remember me…"
"Momiji?" a cultured feminine voice cut in.
Both Tohru and Momiji turned to face the speaker.
At the doorway, stood an attractive lady with thick blonde hair pinned up stylishly. By her side was a little girl who resembled her, clinging to her mother's side as she looked at the other two with wide apprehensive eyes.
"It's so late… What are you still doing here Momiji?"
"Oh… My friend works here! I'm just helping her with her work!"
The smile was back on his face. It wasn't easy managing it though…
"But this isn't a place to play… Besides… Your parents will be worried if you return too late… Especially your mother… right?"
Mother? I wish… But will you be worried for me, mum? Will you? Do you still remember the slightest bit of me?
"It's all right! I'll be home soon anyway!"
"All right then…" Then, bestowing a smile on Tohru, she said, "Thanks for your hard work."
With that, she left…
Leaving Momiji alone with Tohru.
The smile that was still present on his face wasn't that wide or one of cheer anymore.
No… It was one of resignation, etched with melancholy and a sad knowing…
"Yes… My mother doesn't remember anything of me anymore… Every memory concerning me has been wiped away from her mind… I… She thinks I am a kid from the Sohma family…"
Every word that is coming out now… It hurts me to even say that, but I can't stop… Perhaps I just want to get it out of my heart… to let someone know…
"She thinks I am a kid from the Sohma family…"
A random kid…! I wish you wouldn't think that of me, mother…
"Children possessed by the spirits of the members of the zodiac are born two months earlier than normal children…"
Normal… Just because I am part of this curse, am I abnormal? I wish you wouldn't think so…
"Can you imagine what it is like? Meeting with the love of your life… Marrying him… Bearing the treasure of your love, your child… Only to have this treasure of your love transform into a weird creature when you hug him?"
The smile… It was gone…
I can manage the smile no longer… It's too difficult…"This was such a disappointing thing to my mother…"
Breathing in deeply perhaps to compose himself before he continued, Momiji closed his eyes. "Mothers of such children are either overprotective or unwilling to except this fact… And my mum… She chose the latter option."
"She didn't accept me. She rejected me with all her might in fact. Treating me as if I were non-existent… Invisible…"
I wish you wouldn't…"Yet even so… her condition was rather unstable. She often ranted and screamed, throwing random tantrums and fits of temper that were ever so often… Thinking back… She was just like Kana… She had lost it…"
(Flashback)
Despite being enveloped in his father's strong warm arms, Momiji felt neither comfort nor any warmth.
"Momiji… Your mum cannot take it anymore… But, she will get better… if she forgets you. It may be a painful thing to you, or perhaps even something unfair… But Daddy will love you more; give you twice of my love, to make up for it. You want your mother to get better, don't you? You love her too and want the best for her right?"
(End of Flashback)
Nothing can replace the love of a mother, Dad… It's not the same. It can never be…But I want the best for her too…
(Flashback)
From the door, a little boy was peeping, observing all that went on silently. In the room, was Hatori, the family doctor with Momiji's mother.
"Are you certain that you'll be better of forgetting everything?"
There was silence.
The doctor, seemingly encouraged by the silence went on further, "No regrets?"
The boy could still remember his mother's eyes then. Wide and void of emotion…
Hollow…
Gazing straight ahead at the doctor yet seemingly not seeing Hatori at all.
Then she began to smile as tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to fall. The next words that followed, piercing into the little boy's fragile heart with every syllable.
"The greatest regret in my entire life is to bring that… thing… into the world!"
(End of Flashback)
Your smile… I've always wanted you to smile… For you to smile at me…
For me…
But that smile, under those circumstances… You were smiling in anticipation of forgetting me!
Do you really detest me so?
"The greatest regret in my entire life is to bring that… thing… into the world!"
That thing…
Is that all I really am to you?
A thing?
A monster?
You speak of me as if I do not have a name… As if you do not know me…
How I wish it wasn't so…
"She forgot me then. When I saw her two months later, she was indeed better… I suppose… I saved her in a way…"
Can it really be counted that I saved her if I was the reason that caused her to become like that?
"Nonetheless, I still wish to carry these memories with me throughout my life… Even if they are sad ones, ones that might cause me pain and grief, or even ones that I would rather forget than choose to remember…"
Was that how you felt then?
"… If I can bravely live on with these memories, without avoiding them… Someday, I will become strong, no longer fearful of this memories…and that's what I firmly believe in…"
"Because… I believe that no memory is worth forgetting… So… I actually didn't want my mother to forget me. I wish that she would work harder…"
But it doesn't matter what ever I wish…
"It's just my wishful selfish thinking after all…"
That's right… My wishful thinking…
With a smile so small, he ended, "Keep it a secret…please?"
Tohru who had been crying all this time, could stand it no longer, she ran forward, closing in the distance that stood between her and Momiji, taking the younger boy in her arms, enveloping in her warm embrace.
Between tears, she whispered to the small rabbit in her arms, "Yes… That's what I believe too…"
Stunned by the sudden embrace and transformation, the rabbit's eyes grew wide.
At her words, tears came…
Why didn't you believe in this too, Mother?Why wouldn't you embrace me too?
Could you not mind my transformation? This curse?
Just hug me…
And call my name, call my name with love and recognize me as your child…
That's all I wish…
Is it that hard? That difficult?
But you are better now, that's all that matters…
I just wish… never mind…
Someday… I will conquer these memories!
Not be fearful of them…
And cherish them…
And perhaps…
Someday, when you remember…
When you regain your memories…
You will too…
Someday…
------------------------------------------ The End ------------------------------------------
A/N: Hope you like it and please review! Thank you.