Disclaimer: Sadly, this all belongs to a man named Josh. Oh, and Frank Sinatra (along with Billie Holiday) sang the song Just Friends. All songs quoted are by Frank Sinatra.
I'll never laugh again
What good would it do
For tears would fill my eyes
My heart would realize
That our romance is through
I'll never love again
I'm so in love with you
"What's wrong?" Marissa approached Ryan, who was brooding under a willow tree on campus. Their tree, actually. It had been the site of many a lazy afternoon nap, as well as make-out sessions and midnight rendezvous. The willow tree also held heartbreak in its twisted roots. For it was the spot Marissa and Ryan had decided to just be friends. "You didn't answer your phone."
Ryan kept his head down. "I wanted to get some fresh air," he told Marissa. It was partially true, he'd needed some time to think, away from his roommate, David, and David's sickeningly sweet girlfriend, Diana. But Ryan had also needed to let himself be swept up in the tree's memories. It held snapshots of some of the best times of Ryan's life. They all included Marissa.
"Oh," Marissa said, sitting down on the grass and crossing her legs Indian style. "So you want to hear how my date went?"
Ryan didn't say anything. Instead, he watched three ants struggle with a crumb of bread. It was obvious they'd all be crushed soon, for the third ant could barely grasp its end of the crumb. Yet they all persisted, either not knowing or not wanting to accept their inevitable demise. Ryan opted to think they didn't want to give up.
He told himself that he shouldn't give up, that there was hope. But he and Marissa were just friends now. That's all they'd ever be from now on. Their days as 'the perfect couple' were over. Ryan didn't want them to be. But he needed to move on.
"So," Marissa began, taking Ryan's silence as a yes, "Jordan and I went to see this local band, the Moody Blues. He's a great dancer."
Ryan laughed softly. The Moody Blues? Marissa had always joked that, since Ryan could convey his thoughts with a look, his eyes were 'moody blues'. How ironic.
Marissa smiled and tucked a piece of her long hair behind one ear. She saw Ryan's own 'moody blues' flash briefly with recognition at her mention of the band's name. She'd always called his eyes the 'moody blues'. How ironic.
"And then we went out for ice cream. I got pistachio with Oreo crumbs," Marissa told Ryan, who was a bit jealous that this Jordan kid was a good dancer. He knew he wasn't the greatest, but apparently there was something about Jordan that made him a 'great dancer'. Ryan would try to become a better dancer, if Marissa wanted him too, but she obviously didn't. He had to stop thinking about it. She didn't want him. They were friends, best friends to be exact.
"My favorite," Ryan said. He and Marissa shared a passion for pistachio ice cream with Oreo crumbs. Everyone they knew thought them insane, but it was something they had together, just the two of them.
"I know," Marissa replied quietly. Maybe getting that ice cream had been the wrong choice. When Jordan had first mentioned going for ice cream after the show, Marissa's heart leapt and an image of Ryan was conjured in her mind. She managed to put Ryan in a corner of her mind and enjoy the Moody Blues, and Jordan. But when they'd gotten to the ice cream place, Marissa had automatically ordered pistachio with Oreo crumbs. Which made it impossible for her to get Ryan off her mind.
Ryan was still watching the ants, which were mere inches from their anthill. The three ants, whose precarious situation had seemed hopeless, were going to make it. If they could succeed in an impossible situation, Ryan possibly could. But, like the ants, teamwork was required. And Marissa didn't seem to be planning on joining forces with Ryan anytime soon…probably never again. So Ryan's thoughts were pointless. A waste of time really. Except to Ryan, Marissa was never a waste of time. Never.
"So you had a good time?" Ryan asked, silently cheering as the last ant disappeared into the opening of the anthill.
Marissa shrugged. "Jordan's really nice," she answered, not as enthusiastically as possible, but Ryan didn't notice. "Is something bothering you?" She nudged Ryan playfully. "Come on, you can tell me. I thought we were friends."
We are. That's the problem.
"Nothing's wrong…and we are friends," Ryan said, although in his head there were other things he wanted to say, probably should have said.
"Are you sure? Is there anything you want to tell me?" Without sounding too desperate or hopefully, Marissa tried to let Ryan know what she was thinking. She wanted him, wanted another chance. But they were just friends, from now on. There would never be a relationship between them, besides the platonic one they currently were in. It was dull. Marissa couldn't even remember why they'd broken up. But all she knew was, she wanted Ryan back, but he didn't seem interested.
I can't get over the fact that we're through. I won't ever love anyone again, not unless it's you. Because I'm so in love with you.
"I'm fine. Really," Ryan insisted. Marissa knew something was wrong with Ryan, because he was usually talkative with her. Because they were best friends. Just friends, though. Nothing more. They couldn't be. She didn't press him for details though. He'd come to her when the time was right…at least that's what she hoped.
Marissa couldn't be sure of most things these days. She wasn't sure why she wasn't still dating Ryan, but she was sure that she still loved him.