Disclaimer: Sadly, this all belongs to a man named Josh. Oh, and Frank Sinatra (along with Billie Holiday) sang the song Just Friends. All songs quoted are by Frank Sinatra.
Author's Note: This entire chapter is a flashback. The part between the -/-/-/-/-/- is a flashback within the flashback. If it's too confusing, let me know and I'll clarify it in the next chapter.
I can see it in your eyes, in everything you do
And you're afraid to tell me that we're through
But I can tell by looking at you
This is the beginning of the end
"I knew I'd find you here," Marissa whispered, carefully leaning against the willow tree. Ryan was lying down beneath it, basking in the cool shade it provided on the unusually warm April day.
"I'm here," Ryan stated distantly, looking up at Marissa and trying not to cry. Things were just not working out. He loved Marissa, but he couldn't do it. Not anymore. This was it.
"So," Marissa paused, unsure of what she was going to say and how she would say it, "How have you been?"
Miserable.
"Okay." Ryan painstakingly averted his eyes, resting them upon a small bird strutting along a branch.
Marissa quickly glanced at Ryan, his eyes were glazed over. Either he was seriously sleep deprived, or was trying not to cry but failing. Marissa didn't want to do this to him. She loved him, but things just weren't working. They couldn't do this anymore. At the very most they needed some time apart, to be their own people. Over the years, she'd merged with Ryan and they'd become one person in two bodies. Not necessarily a bad thing, but they were young and impressionable and needed to explore the worlds awaiting them.
"Um," Ryan said. He didn't know how to do this. He loved Marissa. But he needed his space now. Thought he needed his space at the very least. Only time would be able to tell. But what if Ryan was making the biggest mistake of his life. What if he let her go? Still, he had to do it, or else he'd never know what was out there. It was time to exit the comfort zone and move on to unfamiliar territories.
"I think…" Marissa started, then stopped, biting her lip for what would be the first of many times that afternoon.
"I think…" Ryan began, but had to stop mid-sentence because his eyes were tearing over and he had to get his emotions in order. Because the last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of his girlfriend, soon to be ex girlfriend.
"I think we should just be friends," Ryan blurted out at the same time Marissa spat the words out before she could swallow them. They looked at each other, not wanting to believe the other's words, but at the same time relieved that they'd said it together.
"So, that's it, I guess," Ryan said slowly. This was it. Ryan felt…empty. It was for the best. If they were meant to be they'd find a way to be together, in the future. Now was the time to broaden his horizons and experience the world. It was time. But it didn't feel like time.
Marissa shrugged, biting her lip again. She let one tear escape, but firmly shut the gates on the other tears. No way was she going to give Ryan the satisfaction of seeing her cry, although Marissa didn't really believe he was like that. This was the right thing to do. It had to be. Because the right thing to do always hurt.
"I'll see you around." Marissa slowly walked away from the willow tree, leaving her relationship and heartbreak buried with it. Maybe one day she'd be lucky enough to have a happy experience beneath the willows, but for now, this was right. She hoped it was. Ryan was the best thing to happen to her in a long time, and she hoped she wasn't letting him slip away. Forever. If it was meant to be, Ryan would come back to her. Eventually. It was true, it had to be.
Ryan laid under the willow…their willow, for hours. He'd lost track of time after Marissa had left. She'd taken a piece of his heart and Ryan didn't have the strength to stand up. Not yet. It would get easier with time, he told himself. It had to. Or else he didn't know what he would do until he met Mrs. Right. Ryan had the feeling that Marissa was Mrs. Right, but he had to cast a line into the dating pool before he could know for sure, that Marissa was the only fish in the sea for him.
"We're just friends now," Ryan said out loud, but to himself. Just friends. That was a new concept for him, and one that would definitely take some time for him to adjust to.
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-Flashback/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
"So, what's up with you and Marissa?" Seth opened the dishwasher and took two bowls and two spoons out. Ryan got the milk from the refrigerator and the cereal from the cabinet. He and Seth sat down at the table.
"We're friends," Ryan said. Marissa had wanted to get back together with him, but the truth was, he couldn't handle being romantically involved with her right now. Not after…all that had happened. He wanted to be her boyfriend, but for now all he could offer her was friendship.
"Friends?" Seth scoffed, "You and Marissa could never be 'just friends'."
Ryan considered this while he put a heaping spoonful of cereal into his mouth. Summer walked into the kitchen wearing very short shorts and a yellow zip up jacket. She had a pink and red bathing suit on underneath.
"Hey Cohen, Chino," she greeted the boys, kissing Seth on the cheek, seeing as his mouth was full of cereal.
"Summer," Seth acknowledged his girlfriend as soon as he swallowed his cereal. "You'll never guess what Ryan just told me!"
"What?" Summer asked, figuring it was something stupid, like it always was with Ryan. Even though he was okay and all…Summer would never admit it to him.
"He and Marissa are starting over…"
"That's great! I wonder why Coop didn't tell me," Summer said, smiling. "Congrats, Ryan."
"…as friends," Seth finished gleefully. Summer's jaw dropped, and amusement soon took the place of shock in her eyes.
"They're 'just friends'?" Summer asked, smiling.
Ryan nodded. "I don't know what the big deal is," he said quietly, and chewed on more cereal.
"Chino," Summer told him, "You and Marissa could never be 'just friends'."
Seth folded his arms triumphantly. "I told you, Ryan. I knew I wasn't the only one who thought it!"
Ryan shrugged and shook his head. "We're just friends."
Summer rolled her eyes and gave Seth a knowing look. "Sure you are…"
Sandy walked into the kitchen, wet hair plastered to his face and a wet t-shirt and bathing suit on.
"Morning," he greeted the three teenagers.
"Hi, Dad," Seth said.
"Mr. Cohen," Summer smiled brightly.
"Sandy." Ryan nodded his head.
"So Marissa and Ryan are starting over, Dad," Seth announced.
"Well, isn't that great," Sandy said, clapping Ryan on the back. "Good for you. I knew you two would work things out."
"No Dad, you don't seem to understand. They're starting over as friends."
Sandy raised his right eyebrow, which was a slightly less bushy than the left one. "Marissa and Ryan are 'just friends'? I find that hard to believe."
"Ha," Summer laughed in Ryan's face, as did Seth. "Everyone knows you and Marissa could never be 'just friends'. It's like, physically impossible. And emotionally."
Ryan laughed inwardly and continued eating his cereal.
-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-Flashback/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-
Ryan watched a group of senior boys play soccer. Some of them weren't half bad. None of them were on the team, like he was. Marissa came to every one of his home games, but now that they weren't dating, she'd probably stop. It had been nice, always having his own personal cheerleader at games.
God, he missed her already. Had he made the right decision? When he'd come out to the willow tree earlier, he knew Marissa would be able to find him there. And he'd been right. Ryan also knew that, as soon as she got there, it would be the beginning of the end. And that it was.