Just Friends



Disclaimer: Sadly, this all belongs to a man named Josh. Oh, and Frank Sinatra (along with Billie Holiday) sang the song Just Friends. All songs quoted are by Frank Sinatra.

Author's Note: The next two or three chapters might be disappointing, but don't worry, because they are just the beginning of something wonderful. So please don't give up on me on chapters seven thru nine/ten, I will try to get them out quickly so we can get to the good stuff!

Chapter 7: Seems Like Pretending

I saw you last night and got that old feeling

When you came in sight, I got that old feeling

The moment that you danced by, I felt a thrill

And when you caught my eye, my heart stood still

Once again I seemed to feel that old yearning

Then I knew the spark of love was still burning

There'll be no new romance for me, it's foolish to start

'cause that old feeling is still in my heart

"That Old Feeling"

"Hey," Ryan looked up from his beer and the TV, where he was watching the Lakers game.

"What are you doing here?" Marissa asked. Ryan was in her dorm, drinking her beer, watching her TV. And this made her very, very uncomfortable, especially after yesterday's kiss. She didn't want to talk about it though, she'd already mentally kicked herself a thousand times for not snagging Ryan when she had the chance--again.

"Justin and Brad are having a PS2 competition, and didn't want to watch the game," Ryan shrugged. Was she going to bring up the kiss? He prayed she wouldn't; he'd already been embarrassed enough last night. He guessed he knew the ending to their story now: he was still in love and would always be, while she had moved on. It was true, heartbreaking, but true. So he had to act nonchalant.

Marissa nodded her head slowly. What was she supposed to say? She bravely got a beer from the mini fridge and sat down on the couch--quite far away from Ryan though. She missed the electric sparks running through her body, like they did when she and Ryan were touching. And she missed the heat from his body. Heck, she missed everything about him.

"Can I ask you something?" Marissa started. Ryan braced himself for the inevitably embarrassing question. He felt the heat rise to his cheeks and undoubtedly give them a red glow. Marissa couldn't do this. She just couldn't. So instead, she had to settle for the next best thing--denial. "I was thinking…that maybe I should approach this guy and let him know."

Ryan stared at Marissa. Was she really not going to ask him about the kiss? Hallelujah--although he was somewhat disappointed, the kiss obviously meant nothing to her and she'd already moved on.

"Sorry," Marissa rushed, opening her beer and taking a long sip, "I guess I've been boring you with my trivial guy problems."

"No, no," Ryan replied, "You're my best friend. It's what I do--listen."

Really, all he could think about was last night. And how it was then that he knew how their story would end if it were up to him. Because Ryan had that old feeling resurfacing, the one where he was falling, falling in love, and it was delightful.

"I think he might love me, but I seem to be repelling him. I don't know why," Marissa admitted. It was semi-like her own situation. Ryan had come on to her, and all she could do was push him away. She wasn't sure why. But if they were meant to be, they'd have another go at it. Just not now. Marissa didn't understand, but then again, love worked in mysterious ways.

"Give him some time," Ryan suggested, just as he was planning to do with Marissa, "Then I guess you should talk to him about what you're feeling. Even if it doesn't make sense, at least you'll be trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together."

"You're right," Marissa said, smiling broadly. She'd give Ryan some time. And then she'd make her move, corner him and talk to him about it. Ryan had never been one to talk that much, but this was their future. So Marissa would wait a few days, or even weeks--if she could last that long--and then she would tell Ryan exactly how she felt. Yeah, that's what she would do.

Or maybe just a day would suffice. After all, it was hard for Marissa not to jump Ryan right now, with that old feeling, that spark of love, burning deep within her heart. She loved him, she knew that much. But she had to follow his advice, of waiting a little while. Maybe two hours would be enough? Marissa had to leave, before she couldn't control her desires anymore and would do something rash.

"I've got to go…I'll talk to you later." In one last act of bravado, Marissa flung her arms around Ryan. "You're the best best friend a girl could have."

Ryan smiled, but kept his eyes on the game. His fingers were itching to touch Marissa, to hold her in his arms and not let her go, and he knew that if he so much as looked at Marissa, he wouldn't be able to control himself. He'd have to wait, just like the advice he'd given her. Ryan just hoped he'd get to Marissa before she got to this other guy, whoever the lucky fellow was.

She let herself out of the dorm and ran down the hall, she needed to get as far away as possible from Ryan, from the love of her life. Marissa really wanted to act on those old feelings that were creeping up her spine and sending shivers down her back, but she just couldn't. Not yet. Even though she loved Ryan, she needed to wait, just on the off chance that there was someone else waiting there…was that really the reason though? Marissa knew she'd never love anyone else again, it was foolish to even try. But she had to at least pretend the year hadn't been wasted pining over Ryan. She couldn't lie to her heart, though.

And she knew she would be able to pretend that that kiss hadn't happened…for long.

Ryan couldn't bring himself to concentrate on the game after Marissa left. The vanilla scent mixed with a stronger, manly scent that she'd left wafting around his head was making him dizzy. And not because he was allergic to perfume, because he wasn't. Because it was Marissa's smell, her unique, sexy smell that he wanted to breathe in forever. He just didn't understand the kiss from the other night. Marissa had acted like it had never happened.

And Ryan just couldn't do that, not when all of his old feelings were resurfacing, stronger and more passionate. He loved her, regardless of whether she loved him or not. Ryan would never love another. It was true, much as he tried to tell himself it wasn't.

Ryan knew that he couldn't lie to his heart.