Disclaimer: I own nothing but my genius

Chapter One

Harry Potter leaned back on his Habitat leather chair, breathing in the cumulous smoke of his Cuban cigar. The office was dark and dingy, it smelt of tobacco and Harry Potter's specially created gel now that he had enslaved Snape for his own Potter-ish means.

After Voldemort's defeat, Harry became an Auror, like he had always dreamed of. Through his celebrity status, Harry Potter set up his own Auror business. A special elite force for the richest of the Wizarding community. The Malfoys had been his top customer before he was forced to kill them by another client, Mr Dumbledore.

There was a knock on the door. A woman came inside. She was wearing Channel No.5 which mingled lusciously with the cigar-smoke, her faux-pas mink coat carefully wrapped around her womanly figure. Harry Potter let the cigar slide to the corner of his mouth, and with a croaky masculine voice he uttered:

'Well, if it isn't Hermione Granger...what do you want, baby?' She silkily walked over, her strides feminine and curvy.

'Hey, Harry, sweetheart. I need your help.'

'My help? Well, I don't know about that, baby...'

'Hey, sweedie, maybe, if you help me, I could, you know honey...help you...' She stepped closer, her Gucci heels making sharp clipping sounds, her buy- one-get-one-free lip gloss making her mouth glimmer threateningly.

'Maybe you're right, you're not dum for a chick, you know?'

'Mr Potter, I'm not the sort of girl you should say that too.'

'Really, honey, and why is that?' She laughed huskily.

'Because, honey, I'm Hermione Granger.'

The dark streets of Hogsmeade were fraught with danger now that the Dementors were free to create in Wizarding society. It was his job to protect the people and the town from Gangster's like Big Nev, former Neville Longbottom, who roamed the streets seeking revenge on his Potions Master.

'It's not easy,' when Harry had heard Granger's proposal. 'But to save our hair and beauty products, I'll do anything.' She leaned over his desk, her perfumed fragrance choking him.

'Just use your broomstick, honey, and a little of that Potter charm, and we'll have that Big Nev in a coffin, safe and sound.'

When Snape had heard of the threat of Big Nev's revenge. He had never felt so relieved. Finally, an escape from the daily torture of making beauty products for the ex-student force of Hogwarts! It was a black and stormy, the night they had stormed his house in East London and dragged him off to their little communal prison. Draco was there too, wanting a piece of the action, wanting a personalised dye for his darkening hair...and Crabbe, dieting pills...Millicent Bulstrode, well, she wanted the whole damn Revlon factory...

The potion simmered, emitting vile fumes, superficial fumes that were actually tanning his sallow face. Snape felt afraid of the advancing beauty that could descend on him if he was not killed soon by the wrath of the Dunderhead. Not a Dunderhead anymore though...

'Well, Snape, I got good news for you...'

'You God damn son-of-a-bitch!' He shouted when he heard the news. 'What did you do that for?'

'To retain beauty, Snape. Now, I got an extra order for minimizing teeth lotion from Granger. Make it good Snape, I want to sleep with a small- toothed babe before the end of the week.'

Big Nev was playing poker with a couple of Gangsters. Big Bob, Big Pete, and Small Simon. He knew they all hated him. He knew they were stroking various types of Russian revolvers under the table, ready to blast him when he cheated. But Big Nev wasn't scared, no, Big Nev was as calm as a cucumber potion...

Mr Dumbledore had approached him the other day about his obsession with the death of the Potions Teacher. He had tried to talk him out of it. But it damn well wasn't going to happen. No, Big Nev was going to see that God damn bastard burn in his own shrinking solution...or was it a strengthening solution? God damn it, he didn't know!

Suddenly, as he put down his triplet, a gun shot rang out in the cellar. Small Simon had made his move.

'Hey, Flitwick, don't mess with me...' an equal shot rang out, only this time, it didn't miss.

Big Bob and Big Pete were both chucked in the river. Big Nev wrung his hands in un-quenchable glee. Murder got him all tingly inside.

Trevor croaked.

'Patience, my minion, patience, soon Snape will join them, you'll see.'