Running Away
It had happened again.
The rain fell in a violent downpour as Kagome sat alone in the dark, dank forest nestled against a gnarled, old, dead tree. A battle had taken place there earlier in the day. The only casualty had been Kagura. She had not expected for Kagura to be defeated, but she had, thanks to Kikyou. It was always Kikyou.
She tried not to, but she couldn't help compare herself to Kikyou. Kikyou, who was so strong, so beautiful, who had died for Inuyasha. Kikyou who loved Inuyasha with all of her heart. Kikyou who could protect Inuyasha and heal his wounds. Kikyou, first in Inuyasha's heart forever.
She almost couldn't stand it. No matter how hard she tried she always felt as if she were merely a shade of the deceased Kikyou. She lacked all of Kikyou's qualities. She was completely unlike her past ego. She knew that Inuyasha loved Kikyou, and she knew that Kikyou would always come first. She had long since accepted it, but when she sat alone, unable to help in any way at all hurt more. Even if she could just be by his side…but even that was unnecessary, because he has Kikyou there.
She had seen the love in their eyes today, and she couldn't lie to herself any longer.
It was sickening how she always felt sorry for herself. Kagome had told herself the brutal truth on this day, when Kikyou and Inuyasha had stood together, looking so right. She had forced herself to say the words that hurt so much "He will never love me as much as he loves her." She had always known it on one level or another, but still, there had always been something. Although her love would always be unrequited, she had always thought that she could at least be by his side.
Or that's was what she had thought, until Kikyou had appeared once again today.
The rain was falling hard. Kagura had met her fate with Shesshoumaru's name on her lips. Kikyou had stood beside Inuyasha, declaring boldly a love for him that Kagome could never hope to compete with.
Kagome hated her for it…
…and…
…Kagome hated herself for her inability to say such things.
She had never been able to say such simple words as "I love you" to him. She had never been able to comfort him, all she had ever been able to do was provide a substitute for Kikyou. But she had already accepted that, she reprimanded herself, she had already admitted that she would never be loved by Inuyasha. Yet, it still hurt…
"Kagome."
Kagome turned to see Sango standing behind her with pity and understanding in her eyes. Such a look made Kagome want to scream. She didn't want any pity. Pity was useless. She wanted Inuyasha to come and tell her that she meant more to him that Kikyou, but she knew that he would not come, so she masked her pain and turned a false smile on her friend.
"Yes, Sango? Is there something that you needed?"
"Um, in a way, I was just worried about you, is all, with Kikyou in there with him and all, I just didn't know if you needed someone to talk to."
She smiled so pleasantly that Kagome wanted to hit her, but she managed to control the surge of anger.
"Don't worry about me, I'm fine. I just don't feel like being in there at the moment." With them and their undying, endless love.
Sango hesitated, "are you sure Kagome?"
"Yes."
Despite her effort to restrain it, some of her anger leaked through. The word carried a curt tone of finality to it. It seemed to say leave me alone, and that was exactly what Kagome was trying to say. She needed to be left alone to think.
The sound of Sango's retreating footsteps comforted her little. She sat alone in the freezing rain thinking of all of the good times that she had shared with these people from the past. She closed her eyes and tried to find the strength to go on, but there was nothing.
I don't understand any of this at all. I don't understand why he let me think…I don't understand how he could have said some of those things to me and then just…but he wasn't really saying such things to me, he was saying them to Kikyou. For this entire journey…he has been thinking of Kikyou, and not me.
Kagome felt her eyes fill up with tears and mercilessly pushed them back. What was this deep sense of longing. She wanted him to come with all her heart, and as she admitted this to herself the tears began to flow down her face in a torrent of salt-water. All of this time I have been delusional…
A sharp pain hit her in the heart, a physically manifestation of what she was feeling at the moment. The kind of loneliness….always before there had been Inuyasha, and when they were arguing there was Sango and Miroku, but she had pushed her friends away and she had lost Inuyasha…
I thought…
"Kagome, I trust you"
Maybe…
"You never were and never will be a replacement for Kikyou!"
That you might…
"I like your scent"
…love me"I want you to be safe"
I guess it was foolish of me to even think that a fairy tale like this would come true…but I still love you…and I can't just let it go
...And I don't want to let go…
But…
...There's no way that I could ever begin to compete with a love such as that...
..And besides, she had seen the look in his eyes when she had asked where he had been…it was a look of contempt, lacking in all positive emotion. The way he had looked at her earlier had truly hurt. He couldn't even value her as a friend? Had he been using her all of this time?
Lightning crashed in the distance calling her out of her brooding. Annoyed, she stomped away from the tree, going deeper into the forest. She wandered aimlessly as the forest grew darker and darker, accumulating numerous small cuts all over her body. All alone in the forest. She cursed herself for her own foolishness. There could be youkai anywhere in the forest, but she thought that being slaughtered by youkai would be easier than meeting Kikyou and Inuyasha again.
She wandered longer and longer, trying to find solace in the darkness, lost, alone and hurt.
She didn't even notice when she became too tired to properly stand, she merely fell, completely fatigued, to the ground. She was in too deep a slumber to notice when the rain stopped. She didn't even notice when the Saimyoushou came and reported her to Naraku. She was also completely unaware of the fact that she was being watched by other forces. She merely slept.
Disclaimer: I think that it's pretty obvious now that I do not own Inuyasha. I am not Rumiko Takahashi, nor am I VIZ. But, if you want to be legal, I DO have an Inuyasha wall scroll, with Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru on it…(Jaken is there too…but I don't acknowledge that fact…)
Note: This was originally the first chapter, so I had to tweak it a bit for plot adjustments. If you notice a few spots that don't make sense, could someone tell me?