Catacombs of the Mind
He didn't understand what had happened. He didn't understand. How come he was stuck here, immobile, unable to move. What had she done to him?
He was saying things that he didn't want to say, doing things that he didn't want to do. He was stuck in his mind, unable to move, as he watched himself say things. He watched himself he would never say, he watched himself do things that he would never do. He watched as Kagome ran into the night full of tears.
He remembered seeing her, seeing Kikyou. He remembered watching coming to here by that serene lake, his emotions overflowing. How come every time he looked at her his emotions started to overflow? He couldn't stop it, and somehow, he didn't really want to, but it left him exhausted and confused. He couldn't deny the fact that he loved her, but every time he looked at her he felt such a cacophony of emotions, not all of them love. Oh yes, love was there, but there was also so much more…
Pity. Pity played a large part. Pity for her twisted excuse for life, pity for everything that she had gone through. Somehow it seemed his fault. Pity.
Obligation. An obligation to her, because she had died for him, he was obliged to give her precedence over anything and everything. It was an obligation that made him put her before Kagome, before the Shikon no Tama, and before his quest of vengeance. Obligation.
Isolation. He felt isolated from her. She had changed in subtle ways that only he could notice. Eyes that had a coldness behind them that never was there before. That slight smile with a bitter edge to it. She had changed in many different ways. The gap between them had grown larger and larger until it felt as if they stood on opposite sides on an unbreachable chasm. It was not a feeling that he liked, but it was a feeling that was there. Isolation.
And finally…
Bitterness. He was bitter. Why did she have to die. She was bitter. She was wondering why as well. Both so bitter, both so very, very cold. It was a part of his feeling that he didn't like to acknowledge, but here, trapped in the gray limbo he had no choice but to be honest with himself. Bitterness.
Pity. Obligation. Isolation. Bitterness. Were these feelings part of love? Love was something that Inuyasha didn't largely understand. Kikyou had taught him a bit about it, Kagome more. But it was still and enigma to him. A hanyou growing up in life had a hard time understanding anything about love, for love was scarce. He knew about power, and he realized that love was a powerful thing. But, try as he might, he couldn't understand love.
What was it? Was it fickle? Was it eternal? He loved Kikyou, He loved Kagome. Could you love two people at once? How? Did it have any meaning when there were all of these other emotions mixed in? What was wrong with him?
You don't have to think about it.
Who was that, what was that?
It's me, I'm you
No, you're not. You're not me. You're that thing. That thing that she put into me. You're not me
I am though. You just don't realize it yet
Darkness
And then…
Hands reaching out to grab him. Grab him and drag him down into the darkness. Hands with claws. Brutal hands that could tear him apart if he wasn't cautious. Hands, coming to lock him away. And that voice.
Sleep, don't think
I'll do all of the thinking for you.
In the darkness he couldn't fight it, the hands were pulling him down, locking him away. However, in his last moments he whispered her name. The one that he loved unconditionally. The one that he would always love, even if he didn't realize it himself.
"Kagome."
Disclaimer: N.O.T. M.I.N.E.
Note: Sorry, everyone who reads my fic, but I just realized in the last chapter that there were a large amount of typos. The reason being that I typed it on notepad (I was doing html formatting which is evil), which doesn't have spell check, and I type fast, so I make a few mistakes when I type. I apologize. Gomen.