**
Chapter 3
"What the hell was that about?" Logan asked while trying to keep up with her. He had to manoeuvre around quite a few people in the busy hospital lobby. He was pretty good at controlling his chair, but people tended not to look down, so he was unnoticed most of the time. He had learnt that pretty early on, painfully, when women's handbags collided with the back or his head or people almost landed in his lap.
Max didn't answer.
He sighed and followed her to the car.
Logan opened the doors and Max immediately sat down, shutting her door forcefully, not bothering to ask if Logan needed help. He quickly transferred and awkwardly heaved the pieces of his wheelchair into the backseat.
"Mind talking to me now?" he spat, still slightly out of breath and certainly annoyed. "It wasn't really nice to leave like that, you know? Didn't you ever take 'good manners classes' at Manticore?" he asked sarcastically, not really proud of bringing it into this.
"No, I didn't. And I guess in that case, she wouldn't care anyway."
"Excuse me?"
"Juna's Manticore," Max said shortly, her face a stony mask.
"Pardon?"
"She seemed familiar right away. After talking, I'm sure."
"You are? What, you just asked her? Hey, you Manticore, too? Wanna exchange memories? Got a photo album to show me?" He didn't feel comfortable with the situation and didn't know how to respond, so he went for the sarcastic version. But he did know that this wasn't the right way. He mentally slapped himself. "Sorry."
"'S okay."
Logan sank back. "So she was a scientist? She's hardly older than you."
"She's an X-3. One of the few who actually turned out looking like normal human beings," Max explained. "I was five when a few of them escaped."
"There were others who escaped?" Logan looked at her in disbelief. Why had he never found out? Why had she never mentioned it?
Max shrugged. "Only three of them did. They didn't care much, they had us. X-3s weren't quite as good as they had wanted them to be. Sure, they were a little stronger and faster than mere mortals, but that was about it."
"Wow. What did she say when you confronted her?"
"I didn't mention it."
"But how can you…"
"Logan, I know okay? It's that simple."
"And now?"
"Now what?"
"You gonna talk to her again?"
"Why?"
"Max!"
"I don't know, I'll think about it." Did she really want to face all that? Sure she had tried to find her siblings, but an X-3 wasn't one of her siblings. Did she really want to know what Juna had to tell her? Was she ready to share her experiences?
Frustrated with the abrupt ending of the conversation Logan started the car. Now his thoughts drifted back to Randy. "He looked pretty bad," he said quietly.
"Your friend?" Max knew who he was talking about, but she wanted to make him tell her.
"I don't think he has much time left."
"Is there anything you can do? Pull a few strings, you know?"
"I've never looked into it. But I guess I gotta at least try."
"You two were close?"
Max leaned her arm against the car window and put her head into the palm of her hand, watching Logan intently.
"We were roommates at college for more than two years. He was like a brother to me. The family I didn't have anymore, you know. On holidays I'd go to his home and spend the time with his family." Logan sighed. "It was a crazy time."
"Do you wish for it back sometimes?"
Logan thought about it for a long moment. "Back then I was a different person. I was a rebel, I was angry, disillusioned. Of course, sometimes I would like to have the carefree time back; but I'm also glad I have grown up and changed as a person. I wouldn't wanna be that guy again."
Max wondered if the accident had turned him into who he was – but she was pretty sure it had happened earlier. He sure wanted the life before the chair back. But she still felt like she needed to ask, to understand. "When do you think you became who you are now?"
Again, he took a moment. "I don't mean to sound like a wise-ass, but I think it just happens. Everybody needs time to figure out who he is. Back then I didn't have a clue. I was still searching and was pretty lost. You turn into who you want to be with age, and the things you experience define the route. My parents' deaths, my aunt and uncle, Daphne, Valerie, they all played a role."
"The shooting?"
Logan suddenly looked up. How was he supposed to explain that? He didn't like who he had become after that, hell, he didn't regard that guy as himself. When he looked into a mirror these days, he didn't recognize the man staring back at him, no matter how long he searched for familiarity. He still hoped that he would wake up one day and everything would turn out to be one big nightmare. "I…I don't know, Max."
Max sensed that he didn't want to talk about it. It hurt that he didn't trust her. But she also knew that he hadn't really worked through it himself. "You know, I always wondered what made you start Eyes Only. I mean, you are generous, loyal, idealistic, naïve – whatever. But there are more people like that out there, at least I'd like to believe so. There must have been a point…"
Logan interrupted her. "The frustration. The helplessness when I learnt I wasn't gonna make a difference by writing stupid articles. That just wasn't enough." He swallowed, collecting his thoughts. "I had a friend, and she got married and had kids. One day her husband found out his company manufactured cheap computer chips of low quality to be used in passenger aircrafts. The chances of those planes crashing were ten times higher. He told his bosses, but they didn't wanna hear about it, instead they had him killed when he threatened to tell the press." Logan looked over at her for a moment, pain clearly visible in his beautiful blue eyes. "When I saw the faces of Lynn and her two kids at the funeral I knew I needed to do something."
Max could tell it hurt him to talk about it and decided to drop it - for now. She didn't want to force him to dig too deep right now, not when he was still so fragile and vulnerable. He would have to want to talk to her, otherwise it wouldn't do him any good.
"Mackenzie was cute, wasn't she?" She asked after a long moment of silence that had said more than words ever could.
Logan visibly relaxed, glad she understood and accepted. "Yeah. Wonder if she has some of her Mom's talents."
Max shrugged. "Case did, would make sense. Then again Juna wasn't nearly as close to perfection," she said the word as if it tasted bitter, "as we were said to be."
Logan drove into the parking garage. "Wanna come up? I think I have leftovers in the fridge."
"Sure!" She beamed.
**
Logan quickly put two plates in the oven and then went over to his computers, just like Max expected. She used the time to kick back and watch some TV until she saw him return to the kitchen.
"What is it with this couple on that show? Don't TV couples usually get together after a few episodes?"
Logan carefully reached for the plates and handed them to Max.
"Hmmm, smells great."
"Which couple?"
"The one on TV." Max motioned towards the living room with her shoulder and Logan looked up, eyebrows raised.
"Wanna eat over there?" he quickly grabbed two forks and was already on his way to the living room, positioning himself close to the low table, waiting for Max to bring his plate.
Max followed, smiling. "See! I have watched parts of episodes, and they never seem to get together."
Logan chuckled. "He's gay, Max. That's Will & Grace!"
"Ohh." She sat back on the sofa, her plate in her lap. "It's funny though."
"Yeah, it is." Logan smiled back. It felt so wonderful having Max here with him. Secretly he imagined what it would be like if that was his life, Max and him, having dinner in front of the TV and then talking and laughing until they went to bed tiredly and happily. Yeah, only that Max didn't sleep because she didn't have to, he didn't sleep because he had work to do and wanted to avoid any nightmares. And most of all because they were not even like that!
**
"You'll spend the evening working?" Max asked after finishing off her plate.
"I guess." He sighed. What else did he ever do?
"Then I'll head over to Crash. You'll beep me when you need me?" Max stood up.
"Yeah."
"I'm not just talking about legwork, aiight?" She intently looked down at him.
Logan smiled softly. "Have fun."
"You, too." Max frowned. "What's up?" She had sensed that something was wrong immediately, but she had hoped he would manage to hide so she didn't have to worry. But right now it was too obvious for her to ignore.
"Nothing. I just…Seeing Randy like this was hard."
"It kills you when people you love suffer and there's nothing you can do." Max still had her eyes on him.
"Yeah." He cast his eyes down for a moment, feeling weirdly guilty. The look in Max's eyes had been so intense. She had not been talking about Randy. "It's been weird, you know. Usually, when meeting old friends, I'm the one getting the pitying looks- today it was different. And…and on some level I…I enjoyed it, you know, somewhere deep down it felt good, a nice change."
"And now you feel guilty." It was more of a statement than a question.
He shrugged.
Max took a step closer, but then stopped. Did she have a right to try to comfort him? "Don't worry too much, please. It accomplishes nothing." Max didn't know what else to say. What could she say? Right now she felt like she didn't understand a thing about Logan. Could she even dare to say he shouldn't worry? It sure wasn't what he wanted to hear, right? Of course, he worried. It was who he was- while she just was a soldier who had never learnt to deal with human emotions. She was a fogbank, right? What did she know about emotions?
But what did he want to hear? And did he want to hear anything from her of all people, a killing machine, a science project gone wrong?
No, she didn't have the right to tell him what to do.
But who else was there? It was either her or no one. Out of an impulse she took the last few steps towards him and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. "Call me, any time."
Logan stared after her until he heard the door fall shut. His hand automatically wandered to his cheek, touching the spot where Max's soft lips had rested only moments before. He smiled a little but immediately chided himself 'Get a grip!', and returned to his computers.
**
Crash was loud as always, and today it was in fact a little too loud. Max greeted her peeps with a distracted look.
"Whazzup?" Original Cindy immediately noticed that something was wrong.
"Nothing. Just had a rough day."
"You didn't even have to put up with Normal's bip bip bip! I'd count myself lucky."
"I was at the hospital with Logan."
"He aiight?"
"He visited a friend." She refused the glass of beer Sketchy offered. He just shrugged and drowned it himself. "Know what, I think I'll go home. See ya later!" Max left before her friends could object. She just wasn't in the mood for careless chatting and drinking.
She already was on her way home when, out of an impulse she turned her bike around and headed towards Fogle Towers.
**
Chapter 3
"What the hell was that about?" Logan asked while trying to keep up with her. He had to manoeuvre around quite a few people in the busy hospital lobby. He was pretty good at controlling his chair, but people tended not to look down, so he was unnoticed most of the time. He had learnt that pretty early on, painfully, when women's handbags collided with the back or his head or people almost landed in his lap.
Max didn't answer.
He sighed and followed her to the car.
Logan opened the doors and Max immediately sat down, shutting her door forcefully, not bothering to ask if Logan needed help. He quickly transferred and awkwardly heaved the pieces of his wheelchair into the backseat.
"Mind talking to me now?" he spat, still slightly out of breath and certainly annoyed. "It wasn't really nice to leave like that, you know? Didn't you ever take 'good manners classes' at Manticore?" he asked sarcastically, not really proud of bringing it into this.
"No, I didn't. And I guess in that case, she wouldn't care anyway."
"Excuse me?"
"Juna's Manticore," Max said shortly, her face a stony mask.
"Pardon?"
"She seemed familiar right away. After talking, I'm sure."
"You are? What, you just asked her? Hey, you Manticore, too? Wanna exchange memories? Got a photo album to show me?" He didn't feel comfortable with the situation and didn't know how to respond, so he went for the sarcastic version. But he did know that this wasn't the right way. He mentally slapped himself. "Sorry."
"'S okay."
Logan sank back. "So she was a scientist? She's hardly older than you."
"She's an X-3. One of the few who actually turned out looking like normal human beings," Max explained. "I was five when a few of them escaped."
"There were others who escaped?" Logan looked at her in disbelief. Why had he never found out? Why had she never mentioned it?
Max shrugged. "Only three of them did. They didn't care much, they had us. X-3s weren't quite as good as they had wanted them to be. Sure, they were a little stronger and faster than mere mortals, but that was about it."
"Wow. What did she say when you confronted her?"
"I didn't mention it."
"But how can you…"
"Logan, I know okay? It's that simple."
"And now?"
"Now what?"
"You gonna talk to her again?"
"Why?"
"Max!"
"I don't know, I'll think about it." Did she really want to face all that? Sure she had tried to find her siblings, but an X-3 wasn't one of her siblings. Did she really want to know what Juna had to tell her? Was she ready to share her experiences?
Frustrated with the abrupt ending of the conversation Logan started the car. Now his thoughts drifted back to Randy. "He looked pretty bad," he said quietly.
"Your friend?" Max knew who he was talking about, but she wanted to make him tell her.
"I don't think he has much time left."
"Is there anything you can do? Pull a few strings, you know?"
"I've never looked into it. But I guess I gotta at least try."
"You two were close?"
Max leaned her arm against the car window and put her head into the palm of her hand, watching Logan intently.
"We were roommates at college for more than two years. He was like a brother to me. The family I didn't have anymore, you know. On holidays I'd go to his home and spend the time with his family." Logan sighed. "It was a crazy time."
"Do you wish for it back sometimes?"
Logan thought about it for a long moment. "Back then I was a different person. I was a rebel, I was angry, disillusioned. Of course, sometimes I would like to have the carefree time back; but I'm also glad I have grown up and changed as a person. I wouldn't wanna be that guy again."
Max wondered if the accident had turned him into who he was – but she was pretty sure it had happened earlier. He sure wanted the life before the chair back. But she still felt like she needed to ask, to understand. "When do you think you became who you are now?"
Again, he took a moment. "I don't mean to sound like a wise-ass, but I think it just happens. Everybody needs time to figure out who he is. Back then I didn't have a clue. I was still searching and was pretty lost. You turn into who you want to be with age, and the things you experience define the route. My parents' deaths, my aunt and uncle, Daphne, Valerie, they all played a role."
"The shooting?"
Logan suddenly looked up. How was he supposed to explain that? He didn't like who he had become after that, hell, he didn't regard that guy as himself. When he looked into a mirror these days, he didn't recognize the man staring back at him, no matter how long he searched for familiarity. He still hoped that he would wake up one day and everything would turn out to be one big nightmare. "I…I don't know, Max."
Max sensed that he didn't want to talk about it. It hurt that he didn't trust her. But she also knew that he hadn't really worked through it himself. "You know, I always wondered what made you start Eyes Only. I mean, you are generous, loyal, idealistic, naïve – whatever. But there are more people like that out there, at least I'd like to believe so. There must have been a point…"
Logan interrupted her. "The frustration. The helplessness when I learnt I wasn't gonna make a difference by writing stupid articles. That just wasn't enough." He swallowed, collecting his thoughts. "I had a friend, and she got married and had kids. One day her husband found out his company manufactured cheap computer chips of low quality to be used in passenger aircrafts. The chances of those planes crashing were ten times higher. He told his bosses, but they didn't wanna hear about it, instead they had him killed when he threatened to tell the press." Logan looked over at her for a moment, pain clearly visible in his beautiful blue eyes. "When I saw the faces of Lynn and her two kids at the funeral I knew I needed to do something."
Max could tell it hurt him to talk about it and decided to drop it - for now. She didn't want to force him to dig too deep right now, not when he was still so fragile and vulnerable. He would have to want to talk to her, otherwise it wouldn't do him any good.
"Mackenzie was cute, wasn't she?" She asked after a long moment of silence that had said more than words ever could.
Logan visibly relaxed, glad she understood and accepted. "Yeah. Wonder if she has some of her Mom's talents."
Max shrugged. "Case did, would make sense. Then again Juna wasn't nearly as close to perfection," she said the word as if it tasted bitter, "as we were said to be."
Logan drove into the parking garage. "Wanna come up? I think I have leftovers in the fridge."
"Sure!" She beamed.
**
Logan quickly put two plates in the oven and then went over to his computers, just like Max expected. She used the time to kick back and watch some TV until she saw him return to the kitchen.
"What is it with this couple on that show? Don't TV couples usually get together after a few episodes?"
Logan carefully reached for the plates and handed them to Max.
"Hmmm, smells great."
"Which couple?"
"The one on TV." Max motioned towards the living room with her shoulder and Logan looked up, eyebrows raised.
"Wanna eat over there?" he quickly grabbed two forks and was already on his way to the living room, positioning himself close to the low table, waiting for Max to bring his plate.
Max followed, smiling. "See! I have watched parts of episodes, and they never seem to get together."
Logan chuckled. "He's gay, Max. That's Will & Grace!"
"Ohh." She sat back on the sofa, her plate in her lap. "It's funny though."
"Yeah, it is." Logan smiled back. It felt so wonderful having Max here with him. Secretly he imagined what it would be like if that was his life, Max and him, having dinner in front of the TV and then talking and laughing until they went to bed tiredly and happily. Yeah, only that Max didn't sleep because she didn't have to, he didn't sleep because he had work to do and wanted to avoid any nightmares. And most of all because they were not even like that!
**
"You'll spend the evening working?" Max asked after finishing off her plate.
"I guess." He sighed. What else did he ever do?
"Then I'll head over to Crash. You'll beep me when you need me?" Max stood up.
"Yeah."
"I'm not just talking about legwork, aiight?" She intently looked down at him.
Logan smiled softly. "Have fun."
"You, too." Max frowned. "What's up?" She had sensed that something was wrong immediately, but she had hoped he would manage to hide so she didn't have to worry. But right now it was too obvious for her to ignore.
"Nothing. I just…Seeing Randy like this was hard."
"It kills you when people you love suffer and there's nothing you can do." Max still had her eyes on him.
"Yeah." He cast his eyes down for a moment, feeling weirdly guilty. The look in Max's eyes had been so intense. She had not been talking about Randy. "It's been weird, you know. Usually, when meeting old friends, I'm the one getting the pitying looks- today it was different. And…and on some level I…I enjoyed it, you know, somewhere deep down it felt good, a nice change."
"And now you feel guilty." It was more of a statement than a question.
He shrugged.
Max took a step closer, but then stopped. Did she have a right to try to comfort him? "Don't worry too much, please. It accomplishes nothing." Max didn't know what else to say. What could she say? Right now she felt like she didn't understand a thing about Logan. Could she even dare to say he shouldn't worry? It sure wasn't what he wanted to hear, right? Of course, he worried. It was who he was- while she just was a soldier who had never learnt to deal with human emotions. She was a fogbank, right? What did she know about emotions?
But what did he want to hear? And did he want to hear anything from her of all people, a killing machine, a science project gone wrong?
No, she didn't have the right to tell him what to do.
But who else was there? It was either her or no one. Out of an impulse she took the last few steps towards him and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. "Call me, any time."
Logan stared after her until he heard the door fall shut. His hand automatically wandered to his cheek, touching the spot where Max's soft lips had rested only moments before. He smiled a little but immediately chided himself 'Get a grip!', and returned to his computers.
**
Crash was loud as always, and today it was in fact a little too loud. Max greeted her peeps with a distracted look.
"Whazzup?" Original Cindy immediately noticed that something was wrong.
"Nothing. Just had a rough day."
"You didn't even have to put up with Normal's bip bip bip! I'd count myself lucky."
"I was at the hospital with Logan."
"He aiight?"
"He visited a friend." She refused the glass of beer Sketchy offered. He just shrugged and drowned it himself. "Know what, I think I'll go home. See ya later!" Max left before her friends could object. She just wasn't in the mood for careless chatting and drinking.
She already was on her way home when, out of an impulse she turned her bike around and headed towards Fogle Towers.
**