Abby was shocked, but more than that, she was mad. She was more than mad, she was pissed. She was hating herself, how could she be so stupid. How could she have done this, not only been drinking again, which she promised herself she wouldn't do. She was mad that she let herself get so drunk that she would sleep with Carter and not even use a condom. Abby was so mad at herself, she just started to cry.
But not only that, she was mad at Carter too. He hated her drinking, more than anything, so why in the hell did he sleep with her? He was such a hypocrite, he was dead drunk too. But still why didn't one of them stop it. Why, why did they have to have sex, why did she have to now be pregnant. Abby was sobbing, she was beyond emotions, she was everything, mad, scared, frustrated, angry, she just didn't know what to do.
"Abby, it's okay. It'll be okay." Susan was staring at her in shock, not knowing why she was crying.
"No Susan, it's not okay. What am I supposed to do. I mean, forever I have wanted to get back together with Carter. I made so many mistakes in our relationship, I screwed so many things up, and then he left, and he crushed me. Then he broke up with me, in a letter from half way around the world, the whole ER, read it, and knew about it. Then he comes back with a girlfriend, who he managed to knock up. I mean, I didn't know what to do. I went to back to med school, because I thought if he came back and saw how much I had changed.... I don't know. But then the kid died, and I slowly watched Carter fall apart, then Kem left. I mean I didn't know what to do anymore. I mean, I still loved Carter, I don't think I will ever stop loving him, but I didn't want things to end up like this. Not a one night stand. Not like this. Susan, how do I tell him this, how do I deal with this.
Susan was just sitting there, staring at her. There was so much going through Abby's head, what was she going to do? She got up off the bed. And started to put her clothes on.
"You can go if you want to," Susan managed to say. "Do you want me to take you home?
"No, no I'll be okay.
Abby threw all her clothes on, and put on her shoes, when she saw Carter pass by in the hall heading into the doctors lounge. She sprinted in there after him.
"Carter what did you do?" She shouted at him. She was so angry at him, at herself.
"What are you talking about Abby? Why are you crying?
"Carter, you got me pregnant. What did you do? Why?
"What? Don't blame this all on me Abby. It takes two people to make a baby.
"Why did you even sleep with me any ways, I was drunk, you hate it when I get drunk. You were drunk too, and you were yelling at me for being drunk. You were such a hypocrite. How could this have happened," Abby sobbed, she was loosing it, she baked against the wall and sank to the floor. "Carter," She sobbed out. "Carter, I am pregnant, I am going to have your child. How could I have been so stupid, why did I have to get drunk, why did I have to sleep with you? Why do I have to be pregnant?
"Abby......" Carter began.
Abby couldn't face him though, she stood up, and ran out of the lounge, followed by Carter. She ran through the ER, past the admit desk where Frank, Jerry and all the nurses were staring at them, running through the halls. Abby was running but Carter was catching up fast. She ran until she got to a wall, she could run anymore, she was out of breathe. She was going to throw up. She did, she threw up, all over the floor. Carter who didn't come to a stop fast enough slipped on it and come down hard on his back.
"Carter, oh God. Carter are you okay." She sat down next to him.
Carter looked up at her and sat up. Abby was crying, she didn't know what to do anymore, she just sat down right there, crying into Carter's arms as he held her. Everyone was watching them, the patients, the doctors, the nurses, everyone. Carter stood up, picking Abby up with him, he held her too him. She was still crying, he carried her back to the lounge. And plopped her down onto the sofa in there.
"Abby, calm down.
Abby just looked at him.
"Abby, you're pregnant, there's nothing we can do about that now.
She was still crying, she didn't have enough strength to even speak.
"Abby, yes, I hate it when you drink. But I was drunk then too, I don't think that really mattered to me then.
"Carter," Abby managed to get out. "If you hate it when I drink, then why do you?
Carter looked at her. She could tell he didn't want to talk about this. But she needed to know why.
"Carter, why?"
"Because I don't know what else to do. I lost everything I ever cared for. I mean I lost Gamma, then you, then a baby, then Kem. I lost everything, I lost Gamma and the baby to death. Kem, I lost, because, I never really had anything with her. It was an imaginary world, not real. And I had lost you to stupidity. I thought I was doing the right thing, when I sent you the letter. I was hurting, I blamed you for it. I don't know I was stupid, but you chose him over me. I felt like I wasn't important to you, the last thing on your list.
"Carter how can you say that. I loved you, you were the most important thing to me.
"Then why did you go to Eric when I needed you?
"Because I knew you would still be there when I came back. With Eric, I didn't know if he would still be there.
"I needed you Abby. And I had been there every time you needed me, suddenly though, when I needed you, you were gone.
"Carter, I am sorry. I really am, but I didn't know what to do. Here were the two people I loved most in the world. They both needed me, I didn't know what to do.
They were silent, both of them. Neither knowing what to say. They had needed to talk about this for so long. Neither had wanted to bring it up though, both were hurting, both unsure.
"But you left me too. I felt like you were purposely trying to hurt me then.
"Why would I purposely hurt you?"
"I didn't know."
"Abby, I would never want to hurt you."
"The why did you send me the letter?"
"Oh God......
"Carter do you have any idea how humiliating that was. The whole ER read it. They all knew that I wasn't good enough for you.
"I never said that you weren't good enough for me.
"Well you implied it.
"No I didn't Abby. I would never say that you weren't good enough for me. Abby you weren't perfect, but no one is. I loved you, for who you were.
"Then why were you trying to fix me?
"I wasn't trying to fix you. I was trying to help you."
"Help me, become perfect for you.
"ABBY STOP." Carter was shouting. "I never wanted to change you, NEVER. I loved you just the way you were, yes you had problems, but so did I. I loved you Abby. I wanted to help you change, because you seemed so insecure about yourself. I wanted you to realize that you were fine, and if you changed a little in the process so that you could realize that, then so be it. I never, ever thought you weren't good enough for me."
"Then why did you leave?"
"I left because I was afraid. I couldn't deal with my problems. I thought if I left, then things would be easier. Things were, but only because they were masked. I didn't actually have to deal with my problems there. I was still left with one emotion though. I was mad at you. I am sorry. I really am, but I blamed you for what happened. I am sorry I did. So I wrote that letter. I wasn't trying to hurt you, I was trying to stop myself from hurting. I am sorry I took it all out on you. I am sorry that it made you hurt.
"And Kem, when did she come in?"
"It was after I even sent the letter. I didn't even really talk to her until Luka's plane had taken off. I didn't break up with you for her.
Abby felt a little better after that. That thought had been plaguing her ever since he came back with her.
"I didn't plan the kid with her. It came as a shock. But I welcomed it, it seemed perfect to me. I still thought that everything I was feeling was real. It wasn't though, it was perfect, because that is what I wanted, what I needed. She was the complete opposite of you, and that's why I welcomed it, I didn't have to be reminded of you. Then we came back, and I saw you." Carter laughed as he said this, "I don't think then I really knew what I was feeling. I saw you, and I wanted to hug you, but I didn't because I thought you would probably punch me. I don't blame you if you hated me, or still do.
"I don't. But go on.
"Things seemed perfect you know, like in the movie Pleasantville. Everything seemed perfect, but I had this nagging doubt at the back of my head. I could feel it, something bad was coming, then it did. I knew something was going to happen, but I still wasn't ready for it. When the baby died, that invisible bubble, that surrounded me, it popped. I realized so much then, I had never really gotten over Gamma, so then I was dealing with two deaths. My sons, my grandmother's. I couldn't help myself, so I couldn't help Kem. I tried, with one last attempt to save that fake little world I lived in, I proposed to Kem. She turned me down though, she ran away from me. When I came back home that night, she was packed and gone, the key was in my mail box. I didn't know what to do then. I had lost everything that the past year had been to me. I realized I had given up everything that matter. I had lost everything. That is when I started drinking."
But not only that, she was mad at Carter too. He hated her drinking, more than anything, so why in the hell did he sleep with her? He was such a hypocrite, he was dead drunk too. But still why didn't one of them stop it. Why, why did they have to have sex, why did she have to now be pregnant. Abby was sobbing, she was beyond emotions, she was everything, mad, scared, frustrated, angry, she just didn't know what to do.
"Abby, it's okay. It'll be okay." Susan was staring at her in shock, not knowing why she was crying.
"No Susan, it's not okay. What am I supposed to do. I mean, forever I have wanted to get back together with Carter. I made so many mistakes in our relationship, I screwed so many things up, and then he left, and he crushed me. Then he broke up with me, in a letter from half way around the world, the whole ER, read it, and knew about it. Then he comes back with a girlfriend, who he managed to knock up. I mean, I didn't know what to do. I went to back to med school, because I thought if he came back and saw how much I had changed.... I don't know. But then the kid died, and I slowly watched Carter fall apart, then Kem left. I mean I didn't know what to do anymore. I mean, I still loved Carter, I don't think I will ever stop loving him, but I didn't want things to end up like this. Not a one night stand. Not like this. Susan, how do I tell him this, how do I deal with this.
Susan was just sitting there, staring at her. There was so much going through Abby's head, what was she going to do? She got up off the bed. And started to put her clothes on.
"You can go if you want to," Susan managed to say. "Do you want me to take you home?
"No, no I'll be okay.
Abby threw all her clothes on, and put on her shoes, when she saw Carter pass by in the hall heading into the doctors lounge. She sprinted in there after him.
"Carter what did you do?" She shouted at him. She was so angry at him, at herself.
"What are you talking about Abby? Why are you crying?
"Carter, you got me pregnant. What did you do? Why?
"What? Don't blame this all on me Abby. It takes two people to make a baby.
"Why did you even sleep with me any ways, I was drunk, you hate it when I get drunk. You were drunk too, and you were yelling at me for being drunk. You were such a hypocrite. How could this have happened," Abby sobbed, she was loosing it, she baked against the wall and sank to the floor. "Carter," She sobbed out. "Carter, I am pregnant, I am going to have your child. How could I have been so stupid, why did I have to get drunk, why did I have to sleep with you? Why do I have to be pregnant?
"Abby......" Carter began.
Abby couldn't face him though, she stood up, and ran out of the lounge, followed by Carter. She ran through the ER, past the admit desk where Frank, Jerry and all the nurses were staring at them, running through the halls. Abby was running but Carter was catching up fast. She ran until she got to a wall, she could run anymore, she was out of breathe. She was going to throw up. She did, she threw up, all over the floor. Carter who didn't come to a stop fast enough slipped on it and come down hard on his back.
"Carter, oh God. Carter are you okay." She sat down next to him.
Carter looked up at her and sat up. Abby was crying, she didn't know what to do anymore, she just sat down right there, crying into Carter's arms as he held her. Everyone was watching them, the patients, the doctors, the nurses, everyone. Carter stood up, picking Abby up with him, he held her too him. She was still crying, he carried her back to the lounge. And plopped her down onto the sofa in there.
"Abby, calm down.
Abby just looked at him.
"Abby, you're pregnant, there's nothing we can do about that now.
She was still crying, she didn't have enough strength to even speak.
"Abby, yes, I hate it when you drink. But I was drunk then too, I don't think that really mattered to me then.
"Carter," Abby managed to get out. "If you hate it when I drink, then why do you?
Carter looked at her. She could tell he didn't want to talk about this. But she needed to know why.
"Carter, why?"
"Because I don't know what else to do. I lost everything I ever cared for. I mean I lost Gamma, then you, then a baby, then Kem. I lost everything, I lost Gamma and the baby to death. Kem, I lost, because, I never really had anything with her. It was an imaginary world, not real. And I had lost you to stupidity. I thought I was doing the right thing, when I sent you the letter. I was hurting, I blamed you for it. I don't know I was stupid, but you chose him over me. I felt like I wasn't important to you, the last thing on your list.
"Carter how can you say that. I loved you, you were the most important thing to me.
"Then why did you go to Eric when I needed you?
"Because I knew you would still be there when I came back. With Eric, I didn't know if he would still be there.
"I needed you Abby. And I had been there every time you needed me, suddenly though, when I needed you, you were gone.
"Carter, I am sorry. I really am, but I didn't know what to do. Here were the two people I loved most in the world. They both needed me, I didn't know what to do.
They were silent, both of them. Neither knowing what to say. They had needed to talk about this for so long. Neither had wanted to bring it up though, both were hurting, both unsure.
"But you left me too. I felt like you were purposely trying to hurt me then.
"Why would I purposely hurt you?"
"I didn't know."
"Abby, I would never want to hurt you."
"The why did you send me the letter?"
"Oh God......
"Carter do you have any idea how humiliating that was. The whole ER read it. They all knew that I wasn't good enough for you.
"I never said that you weren't good enough for me.
"Well you implied it.
"No I didn't Abby. I would never say that you weren't good enough for me. Abby you weren't perfect, but no one is. I loved you, for who you were.
"Then why were you trying to fix me?
"I wasn't trying to fix you. I was trying to help you."
"Help me, become perfect for you.
"ABBY STOP." Carter was shouting. "I never wanted to change you, NEVER. I loved you just the way you were, yes you had problems, but so did I. I loved you Abby. I wanted to help you change, because you seemed so insecure about yourself. I wanted you to realize that you were fine, and if you changed a little in the process so that you could realize that, then so be it. I never, ever thought you weren't good enough for me."
"Then why did you leave?"
"I left because I was afraid. I couldn't deal with my problems. I thought if I left, then things would be easier. Things were, but only because they were masked. I didn't actually have to deal with my problems there. I was still left with one emotion though. I was mad at you. I am sorry. I really am, but I blamed you for what happened. I am sorry I did. So I wrote that letter. I wasn't trying to hurt you, I was trying to stop myself from hurting. I am sorry I took it all out on you. I am sorry that it made you hurt.
"And Kem, when did she come in?"
"It was after I even sent the letter. I didn't even really talk to her until Luka's plane had taken off. I didn't break up with you for her.
Abby felt a little better after that. That thought had been plaguing her ever since he came back with her.
"I didn't plan the kid with her. It came as a shock. But I welcomed it, it seemed perfect to me. I still thought that everything I was feeling was real. It wasn't though, it was perfect, because that is what I wanted, what I needed. She was the complete opposite of you, and that's why I welcomed it, I didn't have to be reminded of you. Then we came back, and I saw you." Carter laughed as he said this, "I don't think then I really knew what I was feeling. I saw you, and I wanted to hug you, but I didn't because I thought you would probably punch me. I don't blame you if you hated me, or still do.
"I don't. But go on.
"Things seemed perfect you know, like in the movie Pleasantville. Everything seemed perfect, but I had this nagging doubt at the back of my head. I could feel it, something bad was coming, then it did. I knew something was going to happen, but I still wasn't ready for it. When the baby died, that invisible bubble, that surrounded me, it popped. I realized so much then, I had never really gotten over Gamma, so then I was dealing with two deaths. My sons, my grandmother's. I couldn't help myself, so I couldn't help Kem. I tried, with one last attempt to save that fake little world I lived in, I proposed to Kem. She turned me down though, she ran away from me. When I came back home that night, she was packed and gone, the key was in my mail box. I didn't know what to do then. I had lost everything that the past year had been to me. I realized I had given up everything that matter. I had lost everything. That is when I started drinking."