Chapter 3

The week flew by with lessons and prefect duties for James and Lily, and everyone looked forward to Saturday's Hogsmeade visit, some a little more nervously than others…

"What the hell am I going to wear???" demanded Sirius on Friday night. "I mean, is this a date, is it not, is it casual or formal, where will we go, what will we eat, what if I spill, what if I trip?? I can't take this!!!"

"Man, she has you whipped Padfoot," said James, "now, to more important things, what should I wear tomorrow?"

"This is going to be a looooong night" concluded Remus, who was casually lying on the bed and thanking his lucky stars he was already engaged to the woman he loves.

"Oh my gosh!!! Finally a date with Sirius Black and I haven't got anything to wear??? What will work with all occasions and activities?? Is there such a thing?" Bella said while collapsing on her bed, upon which was piled her whole wardrobe.

"Oh Bella, you know he'll think you look gorgeous in anything! Just relax! How about your gorgeous black skirt and some heels? Maybe a tank top? Its supposed to be hot again tomorrow," said Lily.

"And you! What will you wear tomorrow for your date with James??"

"Its not a date, for the hundredth time, and I'll wear whatever I feel comfortable in tomorrow morning. Relax…I'm not a lovesick girl like you…" Lily said this, but inside she was worried how everyone would take her 'meeting' with James tomorrow. She didn't want it to be perceived as a date, but she definitely didn't want to chase James away. Lately, all she had really thought about was this coming weekend, and frankly, she couldn't wait. "Bell, I'm going to go for a walk…I'll be back in a while."

Meanwhile, Remus had slipped out of the boys dorm and met with Sara in the Room of Requirement. There was a roaring fire and a couch set up in a room of dark browns and reds. They were discussing wedding plans.

"I can't wait till after 7th year Remus!!! For heaven's sake, lets do it over Spring Break…or even over Christmas Break! I can find a gown! It won't be that hard. We only want a small wedding anyway, only close friends and immediate family. Those that have stuck by both of us through everything. Don't make me wait, hun! Maybe we can talk Dumbledore into letting us board together in seventh year! Come on!" begged Sara

"But we had always planned to wait because we didn't want the burdens of marriage and of school on us at the same time…But you know I would do anything for you, so if this is what you really want, then check with your mom and let me know whats happening. You know I would go anywhere and do anything for you, Sar, don't you?" he said "Just tell me the time and place and I'll be there with bells on," he added with a wink.

"Oh Thank you Remus!!! I think a winter wedding would be fantastic! We could hold it on the 6th of January and ask Dumbledore for another week or so off for the honeymoon before we come back to school!" She punctuated her remark by flinging her arms around Remus' neck and hugging him tightly. "I want so much to be Mrs. Lupin. Mrs. Sara Lupin. By Christmastime, love, not much longer." They then began what Sirius would dub a 'serious snog-fest' which ended up with both horizontal on the couch begging for more contact. But both Remus and Sara had decided to wait until their wedding for anything more…but it was getting closer with every moment and every kiss.

"hey Lily!! Why are you walking so fast??" asked James, running behind her.

"Oh, I don't know, I was just thinking…I didn't realize…" she broke off and looked into James' eyes. For some reason that always made her calm down. She was upset that she did not know what she was feeling. She always had control over her feelings, either by choosing to shut people out or listening/feeling only what she wanted. She knew she could not let go of James, but she could not let go of her feelings like Bella had always done.

"Do you want to go to the kitchens and get a cup of tea and some biscuits with me?" he asked

"Ummm…I just need to be alone right now James…can I take a rain check and talk to you later?" she replied. She regretted the hurt that she saw in his eyes, but she couldn't have her thoughts muddled right now…

"Oh, of course, everyone needs to be alone once and a while…I'll just talk to you later then, shall I?" Damn…I know she's thinking about us…I should say something to reassure her right about now…something that will make her not pull away. People are probably pressuring her and shit…damn… "And Lily, you don't always need to have control, you know that, right? I mean, sometimes you just have to follow what your heart tells you…often that is in the right direction. Listen to opinions, but not too much, the only one that matters is the one inside. Sometimes its weird that your heart can tell your mind to rot, but some of my best friendships have come that way. I'll see you back in the common room?"

How in the hell did he know just what I was thinking? That's skill right there… Lily thought I need to learn to trust, and James is willing to be the one I try it on…so here goes… "But, James, how do you know when to trust? I mean I've been burned by love too bad not to be cautious about my friends and who I become too close to. I took a chance on you, and I'm glad I did…but can I do this every time. What if another Potter comes along and puts on 'the charm' but has bad intentions instead of good ones like you seem to have…how will I ever go back out there? How can I learn to trust? Who can I choose?"

"If we knew that, love, then we'd never get burned by love…who hurt you so bad that you vowed never to love again?"

Oh man, I've never told anyone this before… "Um…actually, it was my mother. When I was little, everything was always bright and joyful. My mom and my dad were deeply in love and I didn't think anything would break them apart. It was a time of fairytales and dreams coming true. Everyone I knew, their parents were getting divorced, but mine, I used to brag that their love would last forever. I loved my mother like I've never loved anyone. I wanted to be with her constantly, to be her, to earn her love, and to prove it to her. I know it may seem a bit sappy…but hey this was even before I was a teenager…anyways, then one day something happened. She came home screaming (I'd never heard the woman yell a day in her life). She came in, packed a suitcase, yelled at my dad and told him she had found someone new, and she had decided to divide their 'fortunes' (aka me and my sister, Petunia) in half. She took Petunia to her new house and new boyfriend, and when I tried to chase after her, she turned around and slapped me. That was how I got burned by love. After your own mother betrays you and leaves you after a fairytale family, how can I trust someone that I know less than I knew my mother? I may never get another chance at love, but I will never hurt like that again, that's for sure." By this time, Lily had tears streaming down her face as she looked at the ground, replaying the memory.

James took her in a bone-splitting hug and let her cry on his shoulder. He knew that he didn't need to say anything. Yet, there was something that was lingering on his tongue… "Lily, learn to love, or else you will never again live in a fairytale. Life is worth living because of love. I used to live for my parents before they died, now I live for Sirius and Remus and I live for you. When there is nothing else, you can be sure as hell that there is love. When my parents died fighting as aurors…for the cause of the good…I was determined that there wasn't anything left for me to live for. Then Remus came over to me and just said, 'I loved your parents James, but I love you a hundred times more, live, and love, because they would have wanted you to…but also because you want to love and be loved. You are loved. Learn to love again, because when everything else is gone, as it seems just now…that is all there is. Look at the faces around you. They will keep you going, we will be here, forever.' I have never forgotten that. In my moment of deepest grief I had those that loved me, and I'm sure that in your grief you had people there supporting you and loving you. Lily, living for love is what I have done for the past three years…sure, quidditch is great, so is getting good grades and pulling pranks…but what would I be without my teammates, classmates, and fellow Marauders?"

Lily was in awe by this speech James had just made. She was stunned. How could someone so carefree and open to everything had gotten burned by that? She could live up to his standards, she could live for love, if he did, she could. She enveloped him in a hug again, and whispered in his ear, "Lets go and get that tea and biscuits, shall we?"

Sirius and Bella had both decided what to wear, and were nervous/excited about the following day. They came downstairs, and saw eachother and blushed. Bella's gaze shifted to the open window, and she saw a certain redhead and a messy black-haired boy involved in a very intimate hug. She saw Lily whisper something to James, and James took her hand and led her back up to the castle. Bella was jealous, she wanted more with Sirius…she wanted to love him and him to love her like Remus and Sara loved each other…like James and Lily would love each other if Lily gave him a change… She glanced over to Sirius, and found he was gaping at her with an open mouth…nearly drooling.

"Hey, don't let the flies in, boy! What are you staring at?" Bella asked

"You." He answered simply

"Very well" Bella decided to take a chance. If Lily was willing to do it, so was she…"So…Sirius…our date tomorrow…will we get to challenge Remus and Sara like planned? You and I both know that we're better." She punctuated this comment by running her tonue over her lower lip…

Sirius fumbled for his words…he didn't know what to respond. "UEaehfl..aefllewn…eawlg…uhmmmm…I could look into something like that…"

Bella felt accomplished…she looked at him under her long lashes and said, "That's all I ask." She got up and walked out the portrait hall, hips swinging a little more than usual.

"God I love that woman…" Sirius clapped his hand over his mouth when he realized what he said…Hey, I like the sound of that…I love Bella Figg…I love her. I love her. Sirius Black, in love…tamed…I guess that's what happens to dogs…