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The Confession
by: wicked lunatic
-062004-
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Harry,
Before I say anything, I want to ask for your forgiveness. I want you to know that I didn't betray you. I'll never will. You should know that. We've been together long enough for you to know that fact. The reason why I did this is because we are all in grave danger. Especially you. You might not notice it but the tension each second pass grow thicker. And I won't allow myself to stay around and just watch. I may not be the best wizard in our class, or the best at anything except of course, at chess but I want to be useful for the Order. When we were younger, I thought being in the Order was cool. It is cool actually but I admit that I was not taking it seriously then. I come to realize what being in the Order really meant months ago.
I don't know what made me do it but the fact that we are decreasing in number scared me. We lost ten of our comrades last month, thirteen the other day and what about today? Tomorrow? Can't you see? I have to do this. Do not blame anyone but me, Harry. This is all my doing, my decision.
I thought that they would easily spot me with my red hair or by the fact that I was always with you but I was wrong. They were desperate and did not question me much. I only told them what they should know. They immediately made me one of them. It was a lot complicated than I thought. When their ritual finished, I almost fainted when I saw the mark on my skin.
I saw him by the way, the rat. And he immediately recognized me. It took me months before I could persuade all of them where my loyalty lies. The hardest part was not by being with them, Harry but by acting like him. Like the rat. It was so disgusting but I had to do it. It was so disgusting and so scary to say that I'm just like him. That we have something in common. It would probably bother me for the rest of my life. It was so easy to kill the coward. So easy to avenge your parents, Sirius and Remus… but I find that patience is really a virtue in these times.
The next difficult thing I had to do was answering Hermione's questions. She kept on asking me where I have been, why do I know so much about them, why I am always away and a lot more. Her questions were murder. It was so difficult to lie, especially to her. Nothing escapes her. There were times that I thought she might already know and was frightened that she might tell but she didn't. I'm glad. If I managed to outwit her this time, I would be extremely happy.
Moody and his magical eye was hell too.
Mum was having suspicions and I noticed, so is everybody for the last few days. Bill was talking about traitors last week and was looking at me. Everybody except you, Harry. And I am glad. The fact that you still trust me changes everything.
I am sorry mate, and tell everyone that I'm sorry too. I wanted to write to Mum and Dad, to Hermione, to my brothers and sister but there is no time.
Only Dumbledore knew about this. He tried to stop me but I was persistent. Don't blame him, Harry.
I am sorry if I happen to say things that would hurt you, Hermione, and everybody. Please understand that I have to do this. It is the only way.
And also, I want you to have a normal wizarding life after this. Be in love. Have a family. Be happy. Just like what your Mum and Dad did.
Thank you, Harry. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't know what to do in my life. Thank you for being my courage and my strength but most of all thank you for being my friend. I will never regret this.
I have to go. Take care of everybody for me.
Ron
P.S. Remember me Harry, that's all I ask.
P.P.S. I already assumed that by the time that you started reading this letter, I am already gone because if I weren't I would never have let you or anyone read this. It would be embarrassing.
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hehe