Mismatched
Chapter 9b - The Different Faces of Love
Author's Note:
Ok, the boys' part. Well, this turned out a little differently than I plannned. And, uhm, I just have to warn you at the way the mood of this part swings from a little angsty to sappy to just really ridiculous. Feedback please! More explanations at the end.
Chapter 9b - The Different Faces of Love
AOSHI
She seemed different today. She had not come to the temple. It had been Okon that brought his lunch. He thought nothing of it as he certainly wasn't expecting her to bring his lunch everyday of their stay at Kyoto. He thought he had seen the last of her after the events of yesterday...
Yes, the one where Sano was practically straddling Misao, who didn't seem to mind at all...
Aoshi cleared his throat loudly and in the process, cleared the voice out of his head. He had found out that if he concentrated enough at clearing something, the annoying voice (which sounds suspiciously just like him) would shut up too.
Now, where was he?
Yes... on the subject of Battousai's woman (who seemed not to be spending time with Himura) and how correct his sources were. Granted that his source were a few insults he had heard from that boy who, in the most unfortunate circumstances, looked a hell like Sagara with those long pointy hair that...
Aw cut the crap! Just admit it that you're quite intrigued by her.
Battousai's woman.
He stared at her now. The red sunset making her dark hair shine like midnight streaked with bright orange flames. Blue eyes that held both innocence and the knowledge of pain.
He wondered how, in the depths of her blue eyes and the brightness of her smile, there was a darker side of her, not so palpable really but he could sense it. For a moment he wondered if he'd ever get to know the reason behind that darkness, but he dismissed it quickly. What he wanted to know instead was *why* he could sense it.
She was certainly not the kind of girl he could dismiss so easily.
Some part of her, perhaps it was her smile, or the way he remembered her touch that clings to his memory. Persistent and strong.
And also, there was this feeling of being led around... as though an outside force was working for the sole purpose of bringing him to her or her to him... whatever it was, he sensed it. He was aware of it.
But more than anything, he was aware of her now. Very much.
She was standing outside the temple, quietly watching the sunset. And she was smiling. That small, uncertain smile. A smile of a small girl. A smile he had always seen in Misao - bright, unmarred by the hurts of this world, the harshness of reality. It was the smile that he missed the most.
It hurt thinking of Misao. It wasn't new to him. This pain of loving Misao was always present. It was something that he had embraced long ago. After all, love is so often manifested as pain - he knew this from experience. From all of his losses, that wouldn't have been so tormenting if love wasn't there in the first place. But this pain that he felt now was fiercer - it was tinged with the fear of losing her. Because he had seen her smile at the Punk. He was always watching her and he was very much aware of the "tension" between Chicken Head and his Misao. Granted that the tension was in now way comparable to that of between Sano and Megumi but it still spoke of something insistent. Something possible. And more that anything, it tore him up. He didn't know whether it was a sign that it was time for him to let go... or hold on...
He quickly vanished the thoughts of Misao. She would forever stay in his heart, but he had control of his mind, and he can erase her there for a few seconds. And right now, he had enough reason to not think of his Misao.
Because the Kamiya girl was here.
"Kamiya-san." He stated in a flat voice.
She turned to look at him and Aoshi suddenly realized what made her different from Misao. He did not know her. Did not know what goes on inside her head. What she felt. Every gesture she made was something new for him to watch and to learn. And what surprised him the most was that he actually wanted to know the thoughts behind those smiles. The words behind her eyes.
"Aoshi-sama." She bowed. Not as graceful perhaps but Aoshi found her child-like movement somewhat reminiscent of Misao.
"Daijoubu?" He asked. Was she looking for Himura here? He frowned and wondered where the hell was Himura and why was he not around following the girl as he *always* do. Or used to always do.
"Hai." She smiled at him brightly. "I was just wondering if you can tell me where I can find a good place to eat dinner," she paused, color rising to her cheeks. She took and deep breath and fixed her eyes somewhere past his eyes, on the temple perhaps. "and if you want to join me... I mean, dinner. Eat dinner with me... if you want to, that is..." she began to stammer, and he noticed the way she was clutching at her kimono. Her knuckles turning white, all her blood rushing to her face, her neck, her ears... her lips.
Aoshi merely nodded and walked towards the direction of Sae-san's place. He stopped, turned to look at her, who was still rooted to her spot, looking at him with curious eyes. "This way, Kamiya-san."
She smirked.
Not her usual shy smile. The devious curl on her lips was something new to him. He didn't know she was capable of being a small girl for one minute and be something else altogether... but definitely not a little girl anymore.
He felt his own lips curling into a smirk of his own.
She doesn't seem to mind that he knew. Oh, he knew now. It was clear as day to him and for the first time since he had come back at his home, he felt a reassurance that everything would be fine in the end. That at some point, Fate would wipe that mocking grin off his face and just smile at them - calm, happy, sincere smile that brightened up the sky.
They had dinner. Just the two of them. He didn't mind. He found out that he liked hearing her voice. Her little stories. Tell me again, Kamiya-san, about Misao's visit.
And she would tell him everything. Little details that will suddenly spring from her mind and flow through her animated hands and eager lips.
He watched her lips move.
He watched her.
She was quite fascinating.
Battousai's woman.
SANO
Against the backdrop of the dark sky, splashed by golden pinks and purple hues that seem to jump right out of the heaven, Sano growled and glared at Misao.
They were still outside the Aoiya. Waiting for dinner. He wasn't sure how it was that he still had all his teeth in tact. With the way Misao had punched him, he was surprised he was still alive.
Misao gave him a weak smile.
"What have I ever done to you?" He asked her suddenly, viciously.
"What?!" Misao asked, jaw dropping. "What are you talking about?" she asked all innocent.
"You heard me. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to kill me!" He crossed his arms protectively against his chest. He was now always on the defensive mode. Two days with the Weasel girl and he had already learned his lesson. Misao was a natural tomboy - worse than Jo-chan in fact and the girl may be small but she definitely can throw in a decent punch. She had a good arm. And he wasn't going to try and make her want to punch him again.
Sano scratched his head. Only, he wasn't sure what exactly he was doing that was making Misao want to punch him all the fucking time. "Why d'ya wanna kill me for anyway?" He asked pointblank. "Last time I was here, Jou-chan tried to kill Hiko. And now you're on a murdering rampage. What is it with the air in here?" He complained frowning at the general weirdness of this place.
"I wasn't trying to kill you!" Misao screamed, her face flushing into a lovely color of red. She had Megumi's temper. But her anger doesn't burn him. Doesn't melt his bones and flesh.
"You know," he said squinting at her, "you're a lot like Jou-chan and Foxy." He watched as Misao's clear blue eyes widen in surprise.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked haughtily, crossing her arms against her chest. Her non-existent boy's chest.
Sano paused, studying her face and then he flashed her a cocky smile, flicking the end of her perky nose. Misao growled at him but he ignored her.
"You're harboring a secret infatuation with me and you show it by *always* getting angry at me for no reason at all and then hitting me. Just like them."
He watched as Misao's jaw dropped and if it was possible, she turned redder than Kenshin's stupid gi.
She's blushing. And she's not exactly denying your statement either.
"WHAAAAATTTTTT?"
Ok, maybe that could account for a denial. Sano clamped his hands on his ears and cringed. "Ah, geesh, worst than Megumi's Killer Screech. What's wrong with you, Weasel?"
"What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me?" Misao repeated as though she could not believe *he* could ask her that. "First of all, I do not and I will never *harbor* any feelings towards you, except maybe utter disgust!"
"Utter disgust?!" He exclaimed, a pained expression crossing his face. Surely, she meant that as a joke right? Misao ignored him.
"I didn't know you thought Kaoru was 'harboring' some feelings for you...Wait till I tell Kenshin." Misao warned.
Sano shrugged. "He won't mind. He seemed to have gotten his attention shifted to someone else." He said trying not to let his resentment show. He kept the tone of his voice flat and calm. Misao watched her and he suddenly felt open. Like she knew exactly that he was hurting. Well, just a little anyway. It wasn't like Kenshin stole Megumi from him.
"You mean Megumi?" Misao asked, tilting her head up at him expectantly.
Sano spat at the ground. "No, I meant Okon and Omasu." He said with a roll of his eyes. "And anyway, what they do is none of my damn business."
"Oh, sure. You sound *so* convincing." Misao drawled.
"Listen, that damn Lady Doctor has a mind of her own. She does what she wants and how she wants it. She had her claws set on Kenshin even before..." he paused suddenly, looking at Misao, squinting up to see her eyes fixed on him. "you know what, you're right. You're not infatuated with me." Sano said, nodding thoughtfully.
"Glad you've seen the light, Sano."
Sano smirked, grabbed Misao's hand and pressed it to his heart. "You are already in love with me." He announced with all the dramatic flair he could muster. "In fact, I think you're so in love with me, all those times you were mercilessly hitting me, you we're just expressing your hidden desires."
Misao snatched her hand back and made gagging sounds. "Sick. You're sick Sano, just sick." She said and then she giggled unexpectedly.
Sano raised his eyebrow and let her laugh. Short, barking sort of laughter that didn't sound like a happy Misao. When Kitsune laughs it sounds like fireworks bursting in the sky, sudden and carefree. When Jo-chan laughs, it sounds like little bells that tinkles and tinkles until you're forced to smile. But when Misao laughs, it doesn't remind Sano of any sound. Instead, he would see strong beams of sunlight filtering through dark clouds.
Right now, her laugh was a little hollow. A little forced. And the dark cloud stayed still hovering above her. Robbing her of her light.
"Are you upset that Aoshi and Kaoru are still out?" He asked suddenly, his words abruptly cutting off her laughter.
Misao's whole face flushed and then paled and then, with obvious effort, she threw her head back and raised her eyebrows up at him. "Why do you care?" She asked him, her voice challenging him.
"I think they've lost their minds." He said quietly, letting his body fall on the ground. He stared at the darkening sky and waited silently for a few minutes for the stars to appear.
"It's a cloudy night Sano." Misao informed him, her voice sounding far away.
"No stars huh?" He asked, a little disappointed.
There was another minute of silence and as though Misao had read his very soul, she spoke up, loud and clear. "I don't think you should worry too much about Kenshin and Megumi."
Sano snorted. "What are you talking about Weasel?"
"I dunno. What are staring up at the sky for?" Misao asked.
"Cheese. I'm looking for cheese. They say, somewhere, out there, is a planet made of cheese. Wouldn't that be just the kicker? A planet of cheese." He chuckled at himself but Misao didn't seem amused. She hit him in the arms.
"Ow!"
"Can't you be serious? Just for once?"
Sano sighed. And although he had vowed not to talk, had even bit at his tongue, once he opened his mouth, words flew out, faster than he can stop. He couldn't even try to take them all back. "What I don't understand is how can he do it to Jou-chan. I mean, I've got eyes, I see the way he looks at her." Sano clenched his jaw and looked straight ahead. He wondered if he ever looked at Megumi that way and why Kenshin hadn't noticed. Why Megumi had never noticed.
"How does he look at her?" Misao asked, leaning down.
Sano stared down at Misao and for the first time, he noticed that she really was a girl. That sounded bad. But all this time he had treated her the way he treated Yahiko. Like a younger brother. With Kaoru, he had always been a little softer. Sure, she was loud and obnoxious and violent, but he had seen her in her most vulnerable times and after that, he had always, always made sure that she would never be in that kind of pain again. That was why he had devoted most of his time trying to shake some sense into Kenshin's head. Because he knew the distance that Kenshin was putting would break Kaoru in the end. She had a strong spirit, but she wasn't invincible. And now, looking at Misao, staring up at him like that, he felt a sudden surge of warmth in his chest. He placed his fingers underneath Misao's chin and lifted her face so that he was really seeing her eyes.
She had beautiful eyes. Like the ocean. A clash of green and blue.
"He looks at her the way a dying man would look up at the sky. You can almost see his soul reaching out towards her."
Misao's eye grew darker. And now it was almost blue, the greenness, her innocence, had disappeared to be replaced by something that has yet to be defined. She's still growing. Still changing. And one of these days, she's going to turn into an amazing woman.
"No one has ever looked at me that way." She murmured softly.
Electricity zinged up his spine. Was she talking about the way he was looking at her now?
"Really?" He asked, his voice suddenly getting almost as soft as hers.
Misao wordlessly nodded. And Sano heard her sigh. She doesn't know.
She doesn't know.
Sano pulled back and playfully ruffled her hair. Hearing her growl, he chuckled and tugged at her braid. "Keep your eyes open, Weasel and you'll see." He easily warded off her blows and laughed merrily as she cursed and tried to get her wrist out of his strong grasp. He pulled her towards him, smiling slyly. "You are like them," He stated, looking deep into her eyes.
She snorted. "I'm not!" She declared, finally freeing from his hold.
"Beatiful when mad."
Misao's eyes widened in surprise, her mouth forming an "o" of shock. There was a moment of silence and then she looked up at him, sea-blue green eyes wide as saucers.
"Don't pop that pretty eyes Weasel." Sano warned her. She didn't say anything; instead she looked at him and frowned.
"Wa-hat?" she finally sputtered, the words finally registering and sinking in her brains.
Well she was... is beautiful. Not as beautiful as some of his geisha friends (they were his friends, dammit!), but there was a certain beauty in her that would make any man want to just stop whatever it was that he was doing and drown in her eyes and then in her, completely.
Sano smiled as Misao's hands flew to touch her heart and then her already burning red cheeks. He smirked at her reaction. "Ne, Weasel, I said you're beautiful..." he whispered sincerely.
Misao darted a quick glance at him and then, totally out of nowhere, she swung her hands and slapped him hard.
Argh! Fuckin' stupid crazy girl! Tease her and you get punched in the face. Compliment her and you still get slapped in the face.
Sano fell back, his face stinging. Weird thing was, he could feel the beginnings of a smile forming on his lips.
KENSHIN
So, Megumi asked him for sex today. And he almost died of heart attack. And naturally, he had to trip himself and go down. And to make matters worst, the people around them who had heard Megumi formed a circle around them... and, this just keeps getting better and better, who else should be there but his shishou.
He had prayed hard that the ground open up, swallow him and let him just be.
No. Didn't happen.
His shishou (damn his sense of timing) had cleared his throat, ordered the crowd to get back to business and not mind these sex fiends. By this time Megumi was near hysterics in trying to deny everything, telling everyone that they had heard her wrong. She had said, "hex" and not "sex". She did. She really did. Of course, no one believed her and that would be another story altogether.
His shishou wasn't too happy. It took a while for the crowd to disperse, since they were all making quite a scene - a swirly eyed man carrying a samurai, a half-drunk man clad in a bat-like cape and there was of course Megumi, swearing to everyone who would listen to her that she said, "hex" not "sex."
Hex. Sex. Hex. Sex...
He was really going crazy. Really.
Finally, Hiko ordered Megumi to get a grip and be off, he needed another talk with his deshi. Kenshin had begged Megumi not to go. But Megumi was just thankful to have any excuse to be rid of him. She hastily said goodbye and practically ran off, leaving him and his shishou. Alone again.
Would anyone like to stab him now? He was even willing to lend his own sakabatou. Death seemed like a better option than facing Hiko. He turned to look at his master and winced. Why was Hiko always turning up around this town? Didn't his master have anything better to do than walk through the market every damn day? Didn't his master have a life at least?
"Time for another talk, baka deshi."
Oh, right. His shishou's life consisted of drinking, making pottery and making his life miserable. There really wasn't any choice once Hiko caught the collar of his gi. So off they went again. Back to that cabin for another one of his shishou's talks.
This one was probably the worst.
"You, you're a disgrace!" Hiko roared, raising the jug of sake high above his head. "Prancing around town with 'another' woman and to actually lay down in the middle of the market to have sex..."
"Shishou! I tripped!" Kenshin said his voice rising as well. High pitch - almost a wail really. But he couldn't help himself. Hiko always had that effect on him that reduced him to a skinny little boy again.
"Boy," Hiko said dangerously leaning forward and growling at him, "that is the lamest excuse I have ever heard in my entire life! Have you no shame at all?! And what of that tomboy-girlfriend of yours? Had sex with her lately, at the park perhaps?"
"Iya!" Kenshin declared, his face now burning. How could Hiko say such a thing? "I would never do anything like that!" He argued, rubbing his temples. "And, shishou, didn't I tell you not to call her that? She's not a tomboy!"
"I noticed, since I just saw her having dinner with a Block of Ice pretending to be Shinamori." Hiko said his voice thankfully lowered to a tolerable pitch.
It was eerie how identical Hiko and Sano's name for Aoshi was... wait, say that again? Dinner? Did his shishou just said that he saw her, his Kaoru, having dinner with... Apparently, his eyes said it all, because now Hiko was looking at him with a strange expression on his face. "Yes, baka deshi. Dinner at Sae's restaurant. Just. The. Two. Of. Them."
Kenshin swallowed hard. He looked away, not wanting to hear anymore of his shishou's taunts. Wasn't there a saying about being careful of what one wishes for? Because most of the time, you want things that are absolutely wrong for you. To want Kaoru was wrong. To want her not to want him was wrong too, not to mention confusing.
His shishou was droning on and on about men and the only rule to ever hold precious - "Never, ever steal someone else's woman."
"But she isn't mine shishou." Kenshin muttered sadly. He glanced briefly at the second jug of sake that his shishou seemed to have momentarily forgotten. Perhaps one little sip wouldn't hurt too much... maybe it would numb the pain incessantly stabbing him in the heart. His hands reached out and before he knew it, he felt the taste of sake burn in his throat. Burning away images of Kaoru and Aoshi. Together. Alone. Happy. Kaoru happy without him.
Unmindful of Hiko's theatrical declamations, Kenshin took another long sip of sake, wondering if he was capable of being drunk. The last time sake was of abundance, he almost did get drunk. Almost kissed Kaoru. He smiled at the thought. He should've. He should've bloody kissed Kaoru right there and then. Maybe he wouldn't be so miserable tonight.
The sip turned into mouthful chugging.
Now was the right time to see just how "drunk" he can get. Letting all rational thought fly off his head, Kenshin wished for the last time that he hadn't taken that damn walk with Megumi. He turned to his shishou, who was still at it. He forced himself to listen.
"Well, who's fault do you think that is, you baka?!" Hiko roared. He was on a roll tonight. The only thing missing was a podium for him to raise and deliver his many speeches. "Once you've found the woman that you are willing to die for, you don't go around pushing her to like other men. You do your best so that she will not go wandering off, looking for someone else."
Kenshin nodded dumbly. He knew all of these already. He had learned this long ago. Even before he realized he loved Kaoru. He bit his lips and tried not to yell. If he screamed, "shut up!" he was certain that his shihou would behead him faster than he can say "sake." He raised the jug off sake higher and let the liquid fill his mouth, his throat, hopefully, his head too.
"No sane woman would wait for a dolt like you. You think she's going to stay around and wait till you get over your demons? You think you'll ever get rid of your demons? The only way to be free of them is to die. Memories are little demons of their own, you know. You think you'd be able to over-shadow that kind of demon?..."
And Hiko went on and on and on about personal demons, Kenshin was almost ready to believe that the whole human race is actually a group of demons roaming around. He looked at his shishou and wondered if *he* was a demon himself, tormenting him in the worst way possible. He does look like one... perhaps it was the sake taking effect. He turned the jug of sake upside down and raised his eyebrows. Empty.
He glanced around and actually found another jug of sake lying around. Well, since this was Hiko's home, perhaps sake jugs just naturally happen to be left everywhere. He wouldn't be surprised if he found out that his shishou was trying to "grow" jugs of sake in his backyard as opposed to say, carrots or other vegetables. Without thinking, he stood up and snatched it. Hiko didn't stop him at all. A clear sign that indeed, his master was already on his way of being drunk. Kenshin was sure he would soon follow. "Shishou, you're drunk." He finally managed to say. He automatically ducked his head as soon as Hiko turned to look at him.
"Drunk? What is that? I do not know that word. It is not part of my extensive vocabulary."
Kenshin had to agree to that. Hiko's vocabulary... was... well, extensive when it comes to the phrases beginning with "I am the great...", "I am the best....", "I am the one and only..." and so on and so forth.
"Tell me deshi, who are you in love with?" Hiko drawled, mocking him.
"Shishou!" Kenshin complained, taking another long swig. Was he drunk now? He didn't think so. He could still clearly envision Kaoru smiling up to Aoshi. Her blue eyes bright and burning. He let his mind drift... immersing himself in his many memories of Kaoru's blue eyes. Angry blue eyes. Sad eyes. Happy eyes. Eyes filled with love and care and trust and...
"Answer me dammit!"
Kenshin snapped from his trance and squinted at Hiko. He glared at him and mumbled, "You know who." Thinking of her brought this familiar pain in his chest. The feel of fist tightening on his heart... Kenshin drank again.
"Bah! You can't even say her name. What sort of a man are you?"
Kenshin gritted his teeth and glared at Hiko. The alcohol was now affecting his brain. Really. He can almost feel the heaviness of his tongue. The urge to speak up and just let it all out. Dammit! Dammit! Stupid fucking sake. He took another long sip and his mouth opened against his will. Words spilling out. "The sort of man that she should not be with. The sort of man that could ruin her life. All that she holds precious and dear to her. Her life. Her future..."
"You." Hiko said quietly, sitting down beside him. Drained. Like the empty jug of sake dangling from his hands.
"Shishou..." He said smiling ruefully, almost sounding bashful. He could feel his cheeks getting warmer.
"Shuddap. You listen to me, because this is the only time I'm telling you this. And I'm not even doing this for you anymore, but for her. Ok?" Hiko, in Kenshin's utter shock, handed him *his* jug of sake, wordlessly urging him to drink up. And drink up he did, letting his shishou do all the talking.
"I like her. Your little Tanuki. She knows what she wants in her life." Hiko paused and smiled down at Kenshin. "Now, remember the day she poisoned me?"
Kenshin still had it in him to defend Kaoru, regardless of his near-drunkenness state and the fact that Kaoru was probably at this moment, having desert with Mr. Iceberg. "It was an accident! She didn't mean to!"
"I know that, you idiot! But she did poison me so shut-up. As I was saying, that night, it suddenly dawned to me that I was young once. It seemed so long ago, but she made me remember. And I realized that I was like you,"
Hiko probably noticed his surprised expression which may have been tinged with amusement because his shishou quickly corrected his slip with a roll of his eyes and added, "not like you as in skinny and stupid, but like you that was afraid of touching something pure and beautiful and tainting it."
Kenshin's jaw dropped, suddenly aware of where this conversation was going to lead. Bolder with the infusion of alcohol in his blood, Kenshin's usual forced-respect was slowly crumbling and some part of his brain was actually enjoying it. "Is this about a girl?" He asked frowning slightly. "Are you telling me that you actually loved someone other than yourself and sake?" And speaking of sake... he raised the jug once more and heartily drunk. He wiped his mouth, his eyes brighter than usual.
Hiko glared at him and Kenshin just stared blankly. "I'll remember that you said that and one day, you're going to pay for it..." Hiko warned. "And would you stop interrupting me!"
Kenshin nodded, smiling up benevolently. "Go on, shishou. I'm listening."
"There was a girl." Hiko began quietly, looking almost sad and forlorn. Kenshin bit back the urge to giggle.
"Shishou, are you sure it wasn't your reflection?" He asked blinking innocently. Hiko grabbed the jug out of his hand and promptly bashed him on the head. "Ow! Shishou, that hurts." He complained. "And look at the sake you wasted."
"More inside, baka deshi. Go get some more, this will be a very long talk." And for the first time in Kenshin's life, he happily obliged.
Some few hours later and a couple of jugs of sake, Hiko was finally getting to the good parts. "She was very beautiful. I had taste you know."
Kenshin fought the urge to roll his eyes. He let his shishou continue. He had once asked what the girl's name was and Hiko spent considerable amount of time telling Kenshin that it was rude for a lowly baka deshi like him to ask such a personal question. Kenshin's guess was there was no girl. But, sure let's humor his shishou. He finished his, what was it, 3rd? 4th jug of sake?
"I've known her since we were kids. She was the daughter of some merchant. I'd watch her and she'd watch me. It was a strange friendship. I followed her around and made sure she was safe." Hiko frowned and Kenshin got the impression that he was just getting a very edited version of the story. There were so many details missing.
"And anyway, I knew I loved her. I knew she loved me. Who wouldn't, right?" At this Kenshin muttered something. Hiko didn't even noticed him. He was lost in his own world... his memories. "But she was the one and I wanted to marry her... almost did..." There was a note of wistfulness in his voice. Kenshin didn't know that his shishou was capable of being "wistful" Strange what alcohol can do to someone.
"What happened?" Kenshin asked, already knowing the answer.
"I left her."
"Oh." Kenshin didn't know how to respond to that one. If he hadn't been so tipsy (he refused to believe that he was drunk) he would've noticed the seriousness of Hiko's voice, the way his eyes were darker, his tone bordered with pain and age-old regret.
"I thought she deserved someone better than me."
"I thought you were Kami's gift to women?" Kenshi asked, same innocent eyes and face.
"You're obviously not learning anything from this aren't you?" Hiko snapped at him, adding a glare that would make men take a step back.
"Is that a trick question?" Kenshin asked sounding perturbed.
Hiko refused to pay him any attention. He continued on, "She married someone better."
At this, Kenshin sobered up a little. There was an infinite silence between them and Kenshin stared up at the sky, wondering if Kaoru was asleep, dreaming, her smile etched on her lips as he would always see whenever he wandered into her room during the night. He won't be able to do that anymore. Especially if and when Aoshi decided to sleep next to her.
Pain shot from his heart and then to his throat. Making it ache and burn so much. He turned to Hiko and asked, seriously for the first time, "There really was a girl, wasn't there?" There was the tone of guilt in his voice, but it still didn't hide the amusement it held.
Hiko scoffed, "I don't lie about such things baka deshi!" He cried clearly irritated.
Another silence, the half-empty jugs of sake around them suddenly forgotten. Kenshin cleared his throat, "Did you come back to see her?" He asked his voice suddenly filled again with his usual tone of respect, the effects of sake (imagined or induced) suddenly wearing off.
"Yes. No." Hiko hesistated, unsure of how to put his answer into words. Why had he let his deshi drink so much? For the Tanuki, he reminded himself. He took a deep breath and fixed his eyes at the horizon, "I wanted to see if she was happy."
"Was she?" Kenshin asked almost immediately.
"What do you think?" Hiko threw it back to him, without his usual venom, his viciousness.
"She didn't marry you, I think she was... relieved, not necessarily happy." Kenshin managed to say, grinning at his shishou, the innocent look no longer present.
"I came back, she was already dead." The venom was back. Stronger than before. The answer ripped the breath out of Kenshin's lungs.
"Gomen." He muttered, somewhat shamefully. He didn't know his shishou had endured such pain. Didn't know that his shishou's heart had been broken that way. He knew how much that hurt. That fathomless hurt that stays and never really ever fade. To live with that hurt, that guilt, that little voice that would persistently ask the most heart wrenching question, "what if...?"
Hiko didn't acknowledge his apology. Instead he looked at him and their eyes met: old brown eyes that had seen the world longer than he had, and his purple ones that had seen the world too soon, too brutally. Father and son. Master and student. Friend and foe. Whatever line that was there between them dissolved and they were just both men now. Wounded men with hearts and dreams.
"Everyone... everyone told me that she died without a smile on her face. That her very last breath, she called me." Hiko looked away, his jaws silently working. The clenched muscles around them looked hollow against the little light the moon provided. "I wasn't there." He said quietly.
Kenshin swallowed hard. And again, his eyes met Hiko's.
"I didn't taint her. I broke her."
Kenshin took a deep sharp breath that robbed him of everything - including his fear, his guilt. To break Kaoru... the very thought sent his heart angrily slamming in protest against his chest. No. Never.
"That's what you're going to end up doing to her. And I would never allow that to happen."
"I would never..." Kenshin began, his voice rising, going stronger, no signs of being tipsy (never drunk) anymore.
"Then go and be with her. So that when she's dying, even if it was because of you, when she calls out your name, you'd be there to hold her hand and pull her out of that dark place. So that she would die with a smile on her face." Hiko finished with a flourish, draining the closest jug he was able to get his hands own. Kami, he needed that badly, he thought with a grimace. Of all the things to share with his baka deshi...
Kenshin paused and then, mimicking Hiko, he stared at the horizon, waiting for the skies to light up with that familiar blueness that he had grown to love and long for. Kaoru's blue eyes. His own purple eyes brightened with steely resolve. And then, out of nowhere, he spoke calmly, almost in a tone that showed displeasure. "That's pretty depressing shishou!"
Hiko scoffed, "It's supposed to make you realize something!"
Kenshin was silent again. A ghost of a smile etched on his lips. "I think, it worked fairly well." Kenshin muttered, hating the admission in his voice.
"Good." Hiko nodded curtly.
A strong wind blew from out of nowhere, lifting leaves from the ground and tossing them effortlessly. Kenshin watched as the grass bent under the winds power. He listened to the soft groans and moans from the bamboo trees close to them.
Strange day. Even a stranger night. Perhaps, it would be appropriate to thank Megumi for all these. He should probably do something nice for her tomorrow. He'd do anything for her... well, except maybe the having sex part. Kenshin sighed, wondering who Megumi was trying to fool. He hoped Megumi would soon get over her strange behavior. He didn't know how many walks around town he can take. And speaking giving thanks...Kenshin opened his mouth, about to express his gratitude, when Hiko decided to ruin the moment.
"And about all those sake that you consumed," Hiko began in a low dangerous voice, "you're going to pay for them all!"
"Oro!"
Kenshin promptly dropped dead-weight to the ground.
END NOTE: References to Kaoru's poisoning Hiko... (Yuki points to her fic titled "Conquering Hiko") Shameless plugging too... Aw, please? Sano's planet of cheese... there is absolutely no explanation for that. I just happen to like cheese. A lot. As for Kenshin's part not being so serious, I'm going to be honest, I cannot write Kenshin and Megumi the way I can write say, Aoshi and Kaoru. I just don't have it in me. And let's face it, for the k+k fans, no one would ever believe that Kenshin would choose Megumi over Kaoru. I do not have the will, or the inspiration to write a Kenshin and Megumi piece. So, uhm, gomen for any K+M fans here. I am trying, but always in vain. But, I will continue to try. So hope you have the patience with me. I'm really a weird writer, having all these unnecessary hang-ups. Hiko's little trip down to memory is totally uninspired. I know. Sorry... I have no excuse, just that I thought Hiko and Kenshin ought to have their "drunk talk". Forgiveness. Especially for all the delayed chapters. I am working on them. I promise. Well, aside from all that, feel free to point out what else sucked on this chapter. Chapter 10 anyone? Any hands raising in the air? Should I now venture into the not-so-unknown? Leave me a note and we'll see where this is going to head and end ok? Reviews please
Chapter 9b - The Different Faces of Love
Author's Note:
Ok, the boys' part. Well, this turned out a little differently than I plannned. And, uhm, I just have to warn you at the way the mood of this part swings from a little angsty to sappy to just really ridiculous. Feedback please! More explanations at the end.
Chapter 9b - The Different Faces of Love
AOSHI
She seemed different today. She had not come to the temple. It had been Okon that brought his lunch. He thought nothing of it as he certainly wasn't expecting her to bring his lunch everyday of their stay at Kyoto. He thought he had seen the last of her after the events of yesterday...
Yes, the one where Sano was practically straddling Misao, who didn't seem to mind at all...
Aoshi cleared his throat loudly and in the process, cleared the voice out of his head. He had found out that if he concentrated enough at clearing something, the annoying voice (which sounds suspiciously just like him) would shut up too.
Now, where was he?
Yes... on the subject of Battousai's woman (who seemed not to be spending time with Himura) and how correct his sources were. Granted that his source were a few insults he had heard from that boy who, in the most unfortunate circumstances, looked a hell like Sagara with those long pointy hair that...
Aw cut the crap! Just admit it that you're quite intrigued by her.
Battousai's woman.
He stared at her now. The red sunset making her dark hair shine like midnight streaked with bright orange flames. Blue eyes that held both innocence and the knowledge of pain.
He wondered how, in the depths of her blue eyes and the brightness of her smile, there was a darker side of her, not so palpable really but he could sense it. For a moment he wondered if he'd ever get to know the reason behind that darkness, but he dismissed it quickly. What he wanted to know instead was *why* he could sense it.
She was certainly not the kind of girl he could dismiss so easily.
Some part of her, perhaps it was her smile, or the way he remembered her touch that clings to his memory. Persistent and strong.
And also, there was this feeling of being led around... as though an outside force was working for the sole purpose of bringing him to her or her to him... whatever it was, he sensed it. He was aware of it.
But more than anything, he was aware of her now. Very much.
She was standing outside the temple, quietly watching the sunset. And she was smiling. That small, uncertain smile. A smile of a small girl. A smile he had always seen in Misao - bright, unmarred by the hurts of this world, the harshness of reality. It was the smile that he missed the most.
It hurt thinking of Misao. It wasn't new to him. This pain of loving Misao was always present. It was something that he had embraced long ago. After all, love is so often manifested as pain - he knew this from experience. From all of his losses, that wouldn't have been so tormenting if love wasn't there in the first place. But this pain that he felt now was fiercer - it was tinged with the fear of losing her. Because he had seen her smile at the Punk. He was always watching her and he was very much aware of the "tension" between Chicken Head and his Misao. Granted that the tension was in now way comparable to that of between Sano and Megumi but it still spoke of something insistent. Something possible. And more that anything, it tore him up. He didn't know whether it was a sign that it was time for him to let go... or hold on...
He quickly vanished the thoughts of Misao. She would forever stay in his heart, but he had control of his mind, and he can erase her there for a few seconds. And right now, he had enough reason to not think of his Misao.
Because the Kamiya girl was here.
"Kamiya-san." He stated in a flat voice.
She turned to look at him and Aoshi suddenly realized what made her different from Misao. He did not know her. Did not know what goes on inside her head. What she felt. Every gesture she made was something new for him to watch and to learn. And what surprised him the most was that he actually wanted to know the thoughts behind those smiles. The words behind her eyes.
"Aoshi-sama." She bowed. Not as graceful perhaps but Aoshi found her child-like movement somewhat reminiscent of Misao.
"Daijoubu?" He asked. Was she looking for Himura here? He frowned and wondered where the hell was Himura and why was he not around following the girl as he *always* do. Or used to always do.
"Hai." She smiled at him brightly. "I was just wondering if you can tell me where I can find a good place to eat dinner," she paused, color rising to her cheeks. She took and deep breath and fixed her eyes somewhere past his eyes, on the temple perhaps. "and if you want to join me... I mean, dinner. Eat dinner with me... if you want to, that is..." she began to stammer, and he noticed the way she was clutching at her kimono. Her knuckles turning white, all her blood rushing to her face, her neck, her ears... her lips.
Aoshi merely nodded and walked towards the direction of Sae-san's place. He stopped, turned to look at her, who was still rooted to her spot, looking at him with curious eyes. "This way, Kamiya-san."
She smirked.
Not her usual shy smile. The devious curl on her lips was something new to him. He didn't know she was capable of being a small girl for one minute and be something else altogether... but definitely not a little girl anymore.
He felt his own lips curling into a smirk of his own.
She doesn't seem to mind that he knew. Oh, he knew now. It was clear as day to him and for the first time since he had come back at his home, he felt a reassurance that everything would be fine in the end. That at some point, Fate would wipe that mocking grin off his face and just smile at them - calm, happy, sincere smile that brightened up the sky.
They had dinner. Just the two of them. He didn't mind. He found out that he liked hearing her voice. Her little stories. Tell me again, Kamiya-san, about Misao's visit.
And she would tell him everything. Little details that will suddenly spring from her mind and flow through her animated hands and eager lips.
He watched her lips move.
He watched her.
She was quite fascinating.
Battousai's woman.
SANO
Against the backdrop of the dark sky, splashed by golden pinks and purple hues that seem to jump right out of the heaven, Sano growled and glared at Misao.
They were still outside the Aoiya. Waiting for dinner. He wasn't sure how it was that he still had all his teeth in tact. With the way Misao had punched him, he was surprised he was still alive.
Misao gave him a weak smile.
"What have I ever done to you?" He asked her suddenly, viciously.
"What?!" Misao asked, jaw dropping. "What are you talking about?" she asked all innocent.
"You heard me. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to kill me!" He crossed his arms protectively against his chest. He was now always on the defensive mode. Two days with the Weasel girl and he had already learned his lesson. Misao was a natural tomboy - worse than Jo-chan in fact and the girl may be small but she definitely can throw in a decent punch. She had a good arm. And he wasn't going to try and make her want to punch him again.
Sano scratched his head. Only, he wasn't sure what exactly he was doing that was making Misao want to punch him all the fucking time. "Why d'ya wanna kill me for anyway?" He asked pointblank. "Last time I was here, Jou-chan tried to kill Hiko. And now you're on a murdering rampage. What is it with the air in here?" He complained frowning at the general weirdness of this place.
"I wasn't trying to kill you!" Misao screamed, her face flushing into a lovely color of red. She had Megumi's temper. But her anger doesn't burn him. Doesn't melt his bones and flesh.
"You know," he said squinting at her, "you're a lot like Jou-chan and Foxy." He watched as Misao's clear blue eyes widen in surprise.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked haughtily, crossing her arms against her chest. Her non-existent boy's chest.
Sano paused, studying her face and then he flashed her a cocky smile, flicking the end of her perky nose. Misao growled at him but he ignored her.
"You're harboring a secret infatuation with me and you show it by *always* getting angry at me for no reason at all and then hitting me. Just like them."
He watched as Misao's jaw dropped and if it was possible, she turned redder than Kenshin's stupid gi.
She's blushing. And she's not exactly denying your statement either.
"WHAAAAATTTTTT?"
Ok, maybe that could account for a denial. Sano clamped his hands on his ears and cringed. "Ah, geesh, worst than Megumi's Killer Screech. What's wrong with you, Weasel?"
"What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me?" Misao repeated as though she could not believe *he* could ask her that. "First of all, I do not and I will never *harbor* any feelings towards you, except maybe utter disgust!"
"Utter disgust?!" He exclaimed, a pained expression crossing his face. Surely, she meant that as a joke right? Misao ignored him.
"I didn't know you thought Kaoru was 'harboring' some feelings for you...Wait till I tell Kenshin." Misao warned.
Sano shrugged. "He won't mind. He seemed to have gotten his attention shifted to someone else." He said trying not to let his resentment show. He kept the tone of his voice flat and calm. Misao watched her and he suddenly felt open. Like she knew exactly that he was hurting. Well, just a little anyway. It wasn't like Kenshin stole Megumi from him.
"You mean Megumi?" Misao asked, tilting her head up at him expectantly.
Sano spat at the ground. "No, I meant Okon and Omasu." He said with a roll of his eyes. "And anyway, what they do is none of my damn business."
"Oh, sure. You sound *so* convincing." Misao drawled.
"Listen, that damn Lady Doctor has a mind of her own. She does what she wants and how she wants it. She had her claws set on Kenshin even before..." he paused suddenly, looking at Misao, squinting up to see her eyes fixed on him. "you know what, you're right. You're not infatuated with me." Sano said, nodding thoughtfully.
"Glad you've seen the light, Sano."
Sano smirked, grabbed Misao's hand and pressed it to his heart. "You are already in love with me." He announced with all the dramatic flair he could muster. "In fact, I think you're so in love with me, all those times you were mercilessly hitting me, you we're just expressing your hidden desires."
Misao snatched her hand back and made gagging sounds. "Sick. You're sick Sano, just sick." She said and then she giggled unexpectedly.
Sano raised his eyebrow and let her laugh. Short, barking sort of laughter that didn't sound like a happy Misao. When Kitsune laughs it sounds like fireworks bursting in the sky, sudden and carefree. When Jo-chan laughs, it sounds like little bells that tinkles and tinkles until you're forced to smile. But when Misao laughs, it doesn't remind Sano of any sound. Instead, he would see strong beams of sunlight filtering through dark clouds.
Right now, her laugh was a little hollow. A little forced. And the dark cloud stayed still hovering above her. Robbing her of her light.
"Are you upset that Aoshi and Kaoru are still out?" He asked suddenly, his words abruptly cutting off her laughter.
Misao's whole face flushed and then paled and then, with obvious effort, she threw her head back and raised her eyebrows up at him. "Why do you care?" She asked him, her voice challenging him.
"I think they've lost their minds." He said quietly, letting his body fall on the ground. He stared at the darkening sky and waited silently for a few minutes for the stars to appear.
"It's a cloudy night Sano." Misao informed him, her voice sounding far away.
"No stars huh?" He asked, a little disappointed.
There was another minute of silence and as though Misao had read his very soul, she spoke up, loud and clear. "I don't think you should worry too much about Kenshin and Megumi."
Sano snorted. "What are you talking about Weasel?"
"I dunno. What are staring up at the sky for?" Misao asked.
"Cheese. I'm looking for cheese. They say, somewhere, out there, is a planet made of cheese. Wouldn't that be just the kicker? A planet of cheese." He chuckled at himself but Misao didn't seem amused. She hit him in the arms.
"Ow!"
"Can't you be serious? Just for once?"
Sano sighed. And although he had vowed not to talk, had even bit at his tongue, once he opened his mouth, words flew out, faster than he can stop. He couldn't even try to take them all back. "What I don't understand is how can he do it to Jou-chan. I mean, I've got eyes, I see the way he looks at her." Sano clenched his jaw and looked straight ahead. He wondered if he ever looked at Megumi that way and why Kenshin hadn't noticed. Why Megumi had never noticed.
"How does he look at her?" Misao asked, leaning down.
Sano stared down at Misao and for the first time, he noticed that she really was a girl. That sounded bad. But all this time he had treated her the way he treated Yahiko. Like a younger brother. With Kaoru, he had always been a little softer. Sure, she was loud and obnoxious and violent, but he had seen her in her most vulnerable times and after that, he had always, always made sure that she would never be in that kind of pain again. That was why he had devoted most of his time trying to shake some sense into Kenshin's head. Because he knew the distance that Kenshin was putting would break Kaoru in the end. She had a strong spirit, but she wasn't invincible. And now, looking at Misao, staring up at him like that, he felt a sudden surge of warmth in his chest. He placed his fingers underneath Misao's chin and lifted her face so that he was really seeing her eyes.
She had beautiful eyes. Like the ocean. A clash of green and blue.
"He looks at her the way a dying man would look up at the sky. You can almost see his soul reaching out towards her."
Misao's eye grew darker. And now it was almost blue, the greenness, her innocence, had disappeared to be replaced by something that has yet to be defined. She's still growing. Still changing. And one of these days, she's going to turn into an amazing woman.
"No one has ever looked at me that way." She murmured softly.
Electricity zinged up his spine. Was she talking about the way he was looking at her now?
"Really?" He asked, his voice suddenly getting almost as soft as hers.
Misao wordlessly nodded. And Sano heard her sigh. She doesn't know.
She doesn't know.
Sano pulled back and playfully ruffled her hair. Hearing her growl, he chuckled and tugged at her braid. "Keep your eyes open, Weasel and you'll see." He easily warded off her blows and laughed merrily as she cursed and tried to get her wrist out of his strong grasp. He pulled her towards him, smiling slyly. "You are like them," He stated, looking deep into her eyes.
She snorted. "I'm not!" She declared, finally freeing from his hold.
"Beatiful when mad."
Misao's eyes widened in surprise, her mouth forming an "o" of shock. There was a moment of silence and then she looked up at him, sea-blue green eyes wide as saucers.
"Don't pop that pretty eyes Weasel." Sano warned her. She didn't say anything; instead she looked at him and frowned.
"Wa-hat?" she finally sputtered, the words finally registering and sinking in her brains.
Well she was... is beautiful. Not as beautiful as some of his geisha friends (they were his friends, dammit!), but there was a certain beauty in her that would make any man want to just stop whatever it was that he was doing and drown in her eyes and then in her, completely.
Sano smiled as Misao's hands flew to touch her heart and then her already burning red cheeks. He smirked at her reaction. "Ne, Weasel, I said you're beautiful..." he whispered sincerely.
Misao darted a quick glance at him and then, totally out of nowhere, she swung her hands and slapped him hard.
Argh! Fuckin' stupid crazy girl! Tease her and you get punched in the face. Compliment her and you still get slapped in the face.
Sano fell back, his face stinging. Weird thing was, he could feel the beginnings of a smile forming on his lips.
KENSHIN
So, Megumi asked him for sex today. And he almost died of heart attack. And naturally, he had to trip himself and go down. And to make matters worst, the people around them who had heard Megumi formed a circle around them... and, this just keeps getting better and better, who else should be there but his shishou.
He had prayed hard that the ground open up, swallow him and let him just be.
No. Didn't happen.
His shishou (damn his sense of timing) had cleared his throat, ordered the crowd to get back to business and not mind these sex fiends. By this time Megumi was near hysterics in trying to deny everything, telling everyone that they had heard her wrong. She had said, "hex" and not "sex". She did. She really did. Of course, no one believed her and that would be another story altogether.
His shishou wasn't too happy. It took a while for the crowd to disperse, since they were all making quite a scene - a swirly eyed man carrying a samurai, a half-drunk man clad in a bat-like cape and there was of course Megumi, swearing to everyone who would listen to her that she said, "hex" not "sex."
Hex. Sex. Hex. Sex...
He was really going crazy. Really.
Finally, Hiko ordered Megumi to get a grip and be off, he needed another talk with his deshi. Kenshin had begged Megumi not to go. But Megumi was just thankful to have any excuse to be rid of him. She hastily said goodbye and practically ran off, leaving him and his shishou. Alone again.
Would anyone like to stab him now? He was even willing to lend his own sakabatou. Death seemed like a better option than facing Hiko. He turned to look at his master and winced. Why was Hiko always turning up around this town? Didn't his master have anything better to do than walk through the market every damn day? Didn't his master have a life at least?
"Time for another talk, baka deshi."
Oh, right. His shishou's life consisted of drinking, making pottery and making his life miserable. There really wasn't any choice once Hiko caught the collar of his gi. So off they went again. Back to that cabin for another one of his shishou's talks.
This one was probably the worst.
"You, you're a disgrace!" Hiko roared, raising the jug of sake high above his head. "Prancing around town with 'another' woman and to actually lay down in the middle of the market to have sex..."
"Shishou! I tripped!" Kenshin said his voice rising as well. High pitch - almost a wail really. But he couldn't help himself. Hiko always had that effect on him that reduced him to a skinny little boy again.
"Boy," Hiko said dangerously leaning forward and growling at him, "that is the lamest excuse I have ever heard in my entire life! Have you no shame at all?! And what of that tomboy-girlfriend of yours? Had sex with her lately, at the park perhaps?"
"Iya!" Kenshin declared, his face now burning. How could Hiko say such a thing? "I would never do anything like that!" He argued, rubbing his temples. "And, shishou, didn't I tell you not to call her that? She's not a tomboy!"
"I noticed, since I just saw her having dinner with a Block of Ice pretending to be Shinamori." Hiko said his voice thankfully lowered to a tolerable pitch.
It was eerie how identical Hiko and Sano's name for Aoshi was... wait, say that again? Dinner? Did his shishou just said that he saw her, his Kaoru, having dinner with... Apparently, his eyes said it all, because now Hiko was looking at him with a strange expression on his face. "Yes, baka deshi. Dinner at Sae's restaurant. Just. The. Two. Of. Them."
Kenshin swallowed hard. He looked away, not wanting to hear anymore of his shishou's taunts. Wasn't there a saying about being careful of what one wishes for? Because most of the time, you want things that are absolutely wrong for you. To want Kaoru was wrong. To want her not to want him was wrong too, not to mention confusing.
His shishou was droning on and on about men and the only rule to ever hold precious - "Never, ever steal someone else's woman."
"But she isn't mine shishou." Kenshin muttered sadly. He glanced briefly at the second jug of sake that his shishou seemed to have momentarily forgotten. Perhaps one little sip wouldn't hurt too much... maybe it would numb the pain incessantly stabbing him in the heart. His hands reached out and before he knew it, he felt the taste of sake burn in his throat. Burning away images of Kaoru and Aoshi. Together. Alone. Happy. Kaoru happy without him.
Unmindful of Hiko's theatrical declamations, Kenshin took another long sip of sake, wondering if he was capable of being drunk. The last time sake was of abundance, he almost did get drunk. Almost kissed Kaoru. He smiled at the thought. He should've. He should've bloody kissed Kaoru right there and then. Maybe he wouldn't be so miserable tonight.
The sip turned into mouthful chugging.
Now was the right time to see just how "drunk" he can get. Letting all rational thought fly off his head, Kenshin wished for the last time that he hadn't taken that damn walk with Megumi. He turned to his shishou, who was still at it. He forced himself to listen.
"Well, who's fault do you think that is, you baka?!" Hiko roared. He was on a roll tonight. The only thing missing was a podium for him to raise and deliver his many speeches. "Once you've found the woman that you are willing to die for, you don't go around pushing her to like other men. You do your best so that she will not go wandering off, looking for someone else."
Kenshin nodded dumbly. He knew all of these already. He had learned this long ago. Even before he realized he loved Kaoru. He bit his lips and tried not to yell. If he screamed, "shut up!" he was certain that his shihou would behead him faster than he can say "sake." He raised the jug off sake higher and let the liquid fill his mouth, his throat, hopefully, his head too.
"No sane woman would wait for a dolt like you. You think she's going to stay around and wait till you get over your demons? You think you'll ever get rid of your demons? The only way to be free of them is to die. Memories are little demons of their own, you know. You think you'd be able to over-shadow that kind of demon?..."
And Hiko went on and on and on about personal demons, Kenshin was almost ready to believe that the whole human race is actually a group of demons roaming around. He looked at his shishou and wondered if *he* was a demon himself, tormenting him in the worst way possible. He does look like one... perhaps it was the sake taking effect. He turned the jug of sake upside down and raised his eyebrows. Empty.
He glanced around and actually found another jug of sake lying around. Well, since this was Hiko's home, perhaps sake jugs just naturally happen to be left everywhere. He wouldn't be surprised if he found out that his shishou was trying to "grow" jugs of sake in his backyard as opposed to say, carrots or other vegetables. Without thinking, he stood up and snatched it. Hiko didn't stop him at all. A clear sign that indeed, his master was already on his way of being drunk. Kenshin was sure he would soon follow. "Shishou, you're drunk." He finally managed to say. He automatically ducked his head as soon as Hiko turned to look at him.
"Drunk? What is that? I do not know that word. It is not part of my extensive vocabulary."
Kenshin had to agree to that. Hiko's vocabulary... was... well, extensive when it comes to the phrases beginning with "I am the great...", "I am the best....", "I am the one and only..." and so on and so forth.
"Tell me deshi, who are you in love with?" Hiko drawled, mocking him.
"Shishou!" Kenshin complained, taking another long swig. Was he drunk now? He didn't think so. He could still clearly envision Kaoru smiling up to Aoshi. Her blue eyes bright and burning. He let his mind drift... immersing himself in his many memories of Kaoru's blue eyes. Angry blue eyes. Sad eyes. Happy eyes. Eyes filled with love and care and trust and...
"Answer me dammit!"
Kenshin snapped from his trance and squinted at Hiko. He glared at him and mumbled, "You know who." Thinking of her brought this familiar pain in his chest. The feel of fist tightening on his heart... Kenshin drank again.
"Bah! You can't even say her name. What sort of a man are you?"
Kenshin gritted his teeth and glared at Hiko. The alcohol was now affecting his brain. Really. He can almost feel the heaviness of his tongue. The urge to speak up and just let it all out. Dammit! Dammit! Stupid fucking sake. He took another long sip and his mouth opened against his will. Words spilling out. "The sort of man that she should not be with. The sort of man that could ruin her life. All that she holds precious and dear to her. Her life. Her future..."
"You." Hiko said quietly, sitting down beside him. Drained. Like the empty jug of sake dangling from his hands.
"Shishou..." He said smiling ruefully, almost sounding bashful. He could feel his cheeks getting warmer.
"Shuddap. You listen to me, because this is the only time I'm telling you this. And I'm not even doing this for you anymore, but for her. Ok?" Hiko, in Kenshin's utter shock, handed him *his* jug of sake, wordlessly urging him to drink up. And drink up he did, letting his shishou do all the talking.
"I like her. Your little Tanuki. She knows what she wants in her life." Hiko paused and smiled down at Kenshin. "Now, remember the day she poisoned me?"
Kenshin still had it in him to defend Kaoru, regardless of his near-drunkenness state and the fact that Kaoru was probably at this moment, having desert with Mr. Iceberg. "It was an accident! She didn't mean to!"
"I know that, you idiot! But she did poison me so shut-up. As I was saying, that night, it suddenly dawned to me that I was young once. It seemed so long ago, but she made me remember. And I realized that I was like you,"
Hiko probably noticed his surprised expression which may have been tinged with amusement because his shishou quickly corrected his slip with a roll of his eyes and added, "not like you as in skinny and stupid, but like you that was afraid of touching something pure and beautiful and tainting it."
Kenshin's jaw dropped, suddenly aware of where this conversation was going to lead. Bolder with the infusion of alcohol in his blood, Kenshin's usual forced-respect was slowly crumbling and some part of his brain was actually enjoying it. "Is this about a girl?" He asked frowning slightly. "Are you telling me that you actually loved someone other than yourself and sake?" And speaking of sake... he raised the jug once more and heartily drunk. He wiped his mouth, his eyes brighter than usual.
Hiko glared at him and Kenshin just stared blankly. "I'll remember that you said that and one day, you're going to pay for it..." Hiko warned. "And would you stop interrupting me!"
Kenshin nodded, smiling up benevolently. "Go on, shishou. I'm listening."
"There was a girl." Hiko began quietly, looking almost sad and forlorn. Kenshin bit back the urge to giggle.
"Shishou, are you sure it wasn't your reflection?" He asked blinking innocently. Hiko grabbed the jug out of his hand and promptly bashed him on the head. "Ow! Shishou, that hurts." He complained. "And look at the sake you wasted."
"More inside, baka deshi. Go get some more, this will be a very long talk." And for the first time in Kenshin's life, he happily obliged.
Some few hours later and a couple of jugs of sake, Hiko was finally getting to the good parts. "She was very beautiful. I had taste you know."
Kenshin fought the urge to roll his eyes. He let his shishou continue. He had once asked what the girl's name was and Hiko spent considerable amount of time telling Kenshin that it was rude for a lowly baka deshi like him to ask such a personal question. Kenshin's guess was there was no girl. But, sure let's humor his shishou. He finished his, what was it, 3rd? 4th jug of sake?
"I've known her since we were kids. She was the daughter of some merchant. I'd watch her and she'd watch me. It was a strange friendship. I followed her around and made sure she was safe." Hiko frowned and Kenshin got the impression that he was just getting a very edited version of the story. There were so many details missing.
"And anyway, I knew I loved her. I knew she loved me. Who wouldn't, right?" At this Kenshin muttered something. Hiko didn't even noticed him. He was lost in his own world... his memories. "But she was the one and I wanted to marry her... almost did..." There was a note of wistfulness in his voice. Kenshin didn't know that his shishou was capable of being "wistful" Strange what alcohol can do to someone.
"What happened?" Kenshin asked, already knowing the answer.
"I left her."
"Oh." Kenshin didn't know how to respond to that one. If he hadn't been so tipsy (he refused to believe that he was drunk) he would've noticed the seriousness of Hiko's voice, the way his eyes were darker, his tone bordered with pain and age-old regret.
"I thought she deserved someone better than me."
"I thought you were Kami's gift to women?" Kenshi asked, same innocent eyes and face.
"You're obviously not learning anything from this aren't you?" Hiko snapped at him, adding a glare that would make men take a step back.
"Is that a trick question?" Kenshin asked sounding perturbed.
Hiko refused to pay him any attention. He continued on, "She married someone better."
At this, Kenshin sobered up a little. There was an infinite silence between them and Kenshin stared up at the sky, wondering if Kaoru was asleep, dreaming, her smile etched on her lips as he would always see whenever he wandered into her room during the night. He won't be able to do that anymore. Especially if and when Aoshi decided to sleep next to her.
Pain shot from his heart and then to his throat. Making it ache and burn so much. He turned to Hiko and asked, seriously for the first time, "There really was a girl, wasn't there?" There was the tone of guilt in his voice, but it still didn't hide the amusement it held.
Hiko scoffed, "I don't lie about such things baka deshi!" He cried clearly irritated.
Another silence, the half-empty jugs of sake around them suddenly forgotten. Kenshin cleared his throat, "Did you come back to see her?" He asked his voice suddenly filled again with his usual tone of respect, the effects of sake (imagined or induced) suddenly wearing off.
"Yes. No." Hiko hesistated, unsure of how to put his answer into words. Why had he let his deshi drink so much? For the Tanuki, he reminded himself. He took a deep breath and fixed his eyes at the horizon, "I wanted to see if she was happy."
"Was she?" Kenshin asked almost immediately.
"What do you think?" Hiko threw it back to him, without his usual venom, his viciousness.
"She didn't marry you, I think she was... relieved, not necessarily happy." Kenshin managed to say, grinning at his shishou, the innocent look no longer present.
"I came back, she was already dead." The venom was back. Stronger than before. The answer ripped the breath out of Kenshin's lungs.
"Gomen." He muttered, somewhat shamefully. He didn't know his shishou had endured such pain. Didn't know that his shishou's heart had been broken that way. He knew how much that hurt. That fathomless hurt that stays and never really ever fade. To live with that hurt, that guilt, that little voice that would persistently ask the most heart wrenching question, "what if...?"
Hiko didn't acknowledge his apology. Instead he looked at him and their eyes met: old brown eyes that had seen the world longer than he had, and his purple ones that had seen the world too soon, too brutally. Father and son. Master and student. Friend and foe. Whatever line that was there between them dissolved and they were just both men now. Wounded men with hearts and dreams.
"Everyone... everyone told me that she died without a smile on her face. That her very last breath, she called me." Hiko looked away, his jaws silently working. The clenched muscles around them looked hollow against the little light the moon provided. "I wasn't there." He said quietly.
Kenshin swallowed hard. And again, his eyes met Hiko's.
"I didn't taint her. I broke her."
Kenshin took a deep sharp breath that robbed him of everything - including his fear, his guilt. To break Kaoru... the very thought sent his heart angrily slamming in protest against his chest. No. Never.
"That's what you're going to end up doing to her. And I would never allow that to happen."
"I would never..." Kenshin began, his voice rising, going stronger, no signs of being tipsy (never drunk) anymore.
"Then go and be with her. So that when she's dying, even if it was because of you, when she calls out your name, you'd be there to hold her hand and pull her out of that dark place. So that she would die with a smile on her face." Hiko finished with a flourish, draining the closest jug he was able to get his hands own. Kami, he needed that badly, he thought with a grimace. Of all the things to share with his baka deshi...
Kenshin paused and then, mimicking Hiko, he stared at the horizon, waiting for the skies to light up with that familiar blueness that he had grown to love and long for. Kaoru's blue eyes. His own purple eyes brightened with steely resolve. And then, out of nowhere, he spoke calmly, almost in a tone that showed displeasure. "That's pretty depressing shishou!"
Hiko scoffed, "It's supposed to make you realize something!"
Kenshin was silent again. A ghost of a smile etched on his lips. "I think, it worked fairly well." Kenshin muttered, hating the admission in his voice.
"Good." Hiko nodded curtly.
A strong wind blew from out of nowhere, lifting leaves from the ground and tossing them effortlessly. Kenshin watched as the grass bent under the winds power. He listened to the soft groans and moans from the bamboo trees close to them.
Strange day. Even a stranger night. Perhaps, it would be appropriate to thank Megumi for all these. He should probably do something nice for her tomorrow. He'd do anything for her... well, except maybe the having sex part. Kenshin sighed, wondering who Megumi was trying to fool. He hoped Megumi would soon get over her strange behavior. He didn't know how many walks around town he can take. And speaking giving thanks...Kenshin opened his mouth, about to express his gratitude, when Hiko decided to ruin the moment.
"And about all those sake that you consumed," Hiko began in a low dangerous voice, "you're going to pay for them all!"
"Oro!"
Kenshin promptly dropped dead-weight to the ground.
END NOTE: References to Kaoru's poisoning Hiko... (Yuki points to her fic titled "Conquering Hiko") Shameless plugging too... Aw, please? Sano's planet of cheese... there is absolutely no explanation for that. I just happen to like cheese. A lot. As for Kenshin's part not being so serious, I'm going to be honest, I cannot write Kenshin and Megumi the way I can write say, Aoshi and Kaoru. I just don't have it in me. And let's face it, for the k+k fans, no one would ever believe that Kenshin would choose Megumi over Kaoru. I do not have the will, or the inspiration to write a Kenshin and Megumi piece. So, uhm, gomen for any K+M fans here. I am trying, but always in vain. But, I will continue to try. So hope you have the patience with me. I'm really a weird writer, having all these unnecessary hang-ups. Hiko's little trip down to memory is totally uninspired. I know. Sorry... I have no excuse, just that I thought Hiko and Kenshin ought to have their "drunk talk". Forgiveness. Especially for all the delayed chapters. I am working on them. I promise. Well, aside from all that, feel free to point out what else sucked on this chapter. Chapter 10 anyone? Any hands raising in the air? Should I now venture into the not-so-unknown? Leave me a note and we'll see where this is going to head and end ok? Reviews please