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CHAPTER 10

The morning after Terri's funeral, Stiles woke up to his telephone. He ignored it the first two times the caller tried to get through; he was tired of talking to people. He just wanted to be left alone. By the third time the machine came on he decided that whoever it was wasn't going to give up.

"What?"

"Hello son. Come let me in." Stiles had forgotten that his father was coming. Frederick Stiles spent the previous day stuck in an airport half way across the country.

Stiles moved to let his father in and wandered back to the couch. "I'm sorry I didn't make it to the airport. With everything going on I just . . ."

General Frederick Stiles did something he hadn't done in a long time, he hugged his son.

"I understand; you've got a lot on your mind."

Because of his previous relationship with Robert Quinn, the General was the one person who knew his son's real employer. He also knew there were rumors of a mole in the CIA and that Terri's death was directly related to her discovery of that person's identity. He didn't, however know of Robert Quinn's direct involvement. The General also knew that now was not the time to discuss that. His son was hurting and he was there to comfort him.

"Where's Katherine? I thought she was coming with you."

"She's at the hotel. She thought you and I might want some time alone. She'll be here later."

"Well I thought you guys would stay here. I could use the company. It's been a little too quiet."

"If you're sure."

Stiles just nodded that he was sure then spent the next 20 minutes talking about his father's flight and the weather, avoiding any conversation about Terri. His nose was already raw from the tissue after crying so much and he was beginning to think red was going to be his permanent eye color; he knew if he talked about her right then he would start crying again and he was tired of crying. Eventually though, his father brought up the inevitable.

"How was the service?"

Stiles rolled his eyes. "It was nice. Everyone said she looked good. Of course, they also said I looked like I was holding up well." Sighing he continued, "What do they know?" Losing his battle with the anger he was suppressing, Stiles stood up and began pacing the living room as he talked.

"All of them there looking so sad, so concerned. All of them—with their wives and their happy little families, what do they know? 'He's handling it well.' My wife is dead! My pregnant wife was murdered and there wasn't a thing I could do about it! She was murdered while I sat here on this couch and waited! How pathetic am I?"

Frederick Stiles didn't respond; he knew what it felt like to lose a spouse suddenly and knew his son just needed someone to listen. Just as suddenly as the anger appeared, it disappeared and was replaced by intense sadness.

"Dad, she's gone. I started a stupid argument before everything happened. I was going to apologize to her when she came home that night, but she never came home. I didn't get to tell her I was sorry. I want her back; I want both of them back. The baby. . . did I even tell you she was pregnant?"

The elder Stiles nodded.

"It was a girl. I was gonna have a little girl."

Before his father could react, Stiles ran upstairs and got Terri's present. He was always a bit jealous of his sister; she was obviously daddy's little girl. But he also hoped that one day he would have the same relationship with his own daughter. Now that was impossible. As far as he was concerned, his whole life was over. He made his way back downstairs and showed the present to his father. By this time, the son was once again shedding tears. "I'm sorry you won't get to meet your granddaughter."

General Stiles, now himself in tears, hugged his son once again. "It's okay son. Really, it's okay; you'll be okay. It'll just take time."

Stiles was tired of hearing that phrase, "It'll take time." Time was the one thing he had too much of at the moment. The only time he wanted was eleven days ago when Terri was alive. "That's what I hear, but I miss her and I can't imagine that changing. Time won't bring her back! I never understood how you got over mom. Now that Terri…"

Frederick Stiles smiled a little, his son was greatly oversimplifying. "Son, I never got over your mother. I just learned to live without her. There's no magical amount of days, weeks or months. You'll just wake up one day and realize that when you think about Terri you feel good, not sad. You'll be able to talk about her and smile instead of cry. It just happens one day."

A.B. Stiles was confused. "But you married Katherine."

"I love Katherine, but marrying her didn't mean I forgot about your mother. She meant the world to me; she will always be in my heart." He didn't mention that it was comforting that his wife left him part of herself in their two children, a comfort his son did not have.

A.B. still didn't understand how it was possible to lose your soul mate and marry someone else.

"Dad, I could never love anyone else like I love her."

"Maybe not son, but you can love again. But let's not talk about that now. Terri is still first in your heart and she should be. She was good for you. I'm going to miss her too. Just remember, you will be okay. I promise."

Father and son spent a few hours alone talking about their wives—Hannah O'Connor-Stiles and Theresa Freemont-Stiles. By the time the evening was over, the younger Stiles was able to smile for the first time in almost two weeks. He was still hurting, but he knew his father was right, eventually, he would be okay.

Frederick and Katherine Stiles stayed in town for a week. Eventually, the Stiles men discussed the CIA's involvement in Terri's death. A.B. wanted to leave the Agency; he didn't trust his own boss and he didn't think he could stand to look at Joshua. Frederick saw things differently. He believed in the Agency and he knew his son was one of the good guys. He thought he should stay and fight from within. Frederick Stiles still had a lot of connections. He decided to make a few phone calls when he returned to Texas.

After his father's and stepmother's departures A.B. took his father's advice and went to Ireland to visit his grandfather. Patrick Stiles wasn't able to renew his passport in time to make it to Terri's funeral and was worried about his grandson. Stiles stayed in Ireland for a month. He and the general talked regularly while he was gone. Frederick Stiles had made a few calls as had A.B. So, a week after his return from Ireland, A.B. Stiles returned to Langley as a special operative for the CIA's IRT under the direction of Robert Quinn.