Chapter 12

Nearly three years into their relationship, and after several months of not-so-subtle hints, A.B. Stiles proposed to Kara Matthews. He was happier than he thought he could be. He still often wondered what things would have been like with Terri and how their daughter, who would be nearly four, would have looked like, but he was still content, if not head-over-heels in love. He was ready to settle down for good and have a family; he still wanted to be a father and he knew Kara loved him.

Kara had waited a long time for the proposal and eagerly said, "Yes." She couldn't wait to marry the man she loved and have his children. They'd already discussed it and they each wanted at least two possibly three. She was in her mid thirties so she made Stiles promise that they could have a short engagement and start a family right away. But after six months Stiles still hadn't agreed on a wedding date. Kara had always wanted a big wedding, but at this point, she was willing to elope if that's what it took.

Stiles was at home, on a rare Saturday off Kara sat down next to him and took the remote. All evening she'd been hinting that she wanted to talk about something, but thus far Stiles had managed to avoid it; he was tired and didn't feel like having a deep discussion. He had a feeling, the way she was looking at him, that he'd run out of excuses to avoid talking. Kara snuggled up next to him, hit the mute button.

"Hey, I was listening to that!" Stiles said as he unsuccessfully reached for the remote.

"A.B. honey, when are we going to get married?"

He really didn't want to have this particular conversation. "Soon."

"You said that the day we got engaged; it's been six months and you still haven't given me a date. My mother has been bugging me every day and she's starting to ask questions."

"Look, I'm sorry, but you know how my job is."

"I don't want to go on like this forever. I can't go on like this forever. I love you and I want to be your wife. I want to have children-with you. I thought you wanted that too."

For the first time since she sat down, Stiles really looked at her. "Kara, I'm sorry. I do want to marry you; I've just been so busy. We've both been busy."

That was an excuse he'd used before, but this time she was prepared. "You're not busy now." She handed him a calendar. "Here. Choose a month. I'll pick the day."

Stiles stared at and flipped through the calendar for almost 20 minutes. He couldn't do it. He told Kara he loved her and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, and he meant it, but something was holding him back. Terri was holding him back. He put down the calendar.

Stiles looked up at Kara's pleading eyes. "but, I…"

"You what?"

"I need to say goodbye…"

She interrupted. She had a feeling she knew what he was going to say and she didn't want to hear it. "Do not say to Terri, please. Didn't you once tell me 'never to let your past slow you down?' That's exactly what you're doing! It's been four years A.B., she's not coming back!"

Kara stood up and stood in front of Stiles. "Why can't you see what you have right in front of you? I love you and right here, offering you forever. Why isn't that good enough? Why am I not good enough?"

Kara was yelling and she was obviously frustrated as tears streamed down her face. "I'm tired of competing with a dead woman. Why does she have such a hold on you? You were married four months and you'd only known her two years! We've been together almost three."

Stiles wasn't angry or upset with Kara's outburst. He could tell she was hurt. He stood and gently put his hands on her shoulders. When she finally looked up, he pulled her into his arms and held her.

"Kara honey, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you."

"It's just-" she didn't finish. She didn't have to. Stiles knew what she needed to hear.

Stiles pulled her away from him a little so he could look at her. "I just need to close that door once and for all. I never really got to say goodbye. I know this is hard on you, but please trust in my love for you and my faith in us."

Kara needed some space. She gently pulled herself from Stiles' arms and paused for a few moments to collect her thoughts.

"I do trust you. I know you love me it's just—it's just that sometimes I feel like she's still here, that she's pulling you away from me. I don't know how to explain it."

"I understand, really. My stepmother used to say the same thing about my mother. But mom's memory didn't keep my dad from marrying Katherine and Terri isn't pulling me away from you. She helped me become the person that I am. I probably would have blown it with you long ago if not for her. She taught me a lot about women." He smiled just remembering all of the times he messed up with Terri and she took him back. He was a better man because of her and he knew it.

"Well, I guess I am grateful to her for that. I just wish you could forget. No, I don't mean forget, I mean, let go. I don't want to live in her shadow for the rest of my life."

Stiles leaned down and softly kissed his fiancée's lips. She responded with a passionate kiss of her own. When they parted, Stiles assured her one more time that they were meant to be.

"Kara, I love you, but a little piece of my heart still belongs to Terri. I need to let it go before we can move on-and I want to. Terri is my past and you are my future."

Kara smiled. He knew exactly what she needed to hear. "I love you too and I want to believe you, but how are you going to let her go when you haven't been able to for four years?"

"I don't know."

Kara saw the far off look in his eyes and decided to let it go for the time being. She kissed him gently and let herself out. "I'll call you tomorrow."

Stiles was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even hear her.

When Kara left Stiles' house he had a flashback to four years earlier:

"Mr. Stiles, do you love Terri?"

Stiles thought that was a stupid question. He cocked his gun, took a deep breath and answered slowly. "Yes, of course, she's my wife. I do not have time to play 20 questions. Where are they going, Joshua?"

"Mr. Stiles, I care for her a great deal myself. She's like a daughter to me. You have to know that I would never intentionally hurt her, but this situation is out of my hands completely now. If I thought we could rescue her by running after them I would go with you, but if we get too close they will kill her. We have-."

"If they haven't already. She's pregnant Joshua."

Stiles sat on his couch, the couch Terri picked out, and replayed that conversation in his head for what must have been the millionth time. Why hadn't he followed his gut and gone after her? Why hadn't he tried harder to convince Quinn to send him to North Korea?

Then he thought about the conversation he had with his father after Terri's funeral.

"I love Katherine, but marrying her didn't mean I got over or forgot about your mother. She meant the world to me; she will always be in my heart."

A.B. still didn't understand. How was it possible to loose your soul mate and marry someone else? How could he ever love someone after Terri? He was sure that he couldn't.

"Dad, I could never love anyone else like I love her."

"Maybe not son, but you can love again. But let's not talk about that now. Terri is still first in your heart and she should be. She was good for you. I'm going to miss her. Just remember, you will be okay. I promise!"

He was indeed okay. He loved Kara, but Terri was still in his heart, she always would be. He just needed to let her rest so he could move on with his life.