Mismatched
Yuki
Author's note: Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews. I feel so much better after reading your feedbacks. I try to learn from the reviews and hopefully I can come up with better fanfics. I know I was supposed to post this a month ago and I'm really, really sorry for failing to do so. I had been really busy with work. They changed my schedule and that really screwed up my whole life. But I digress. I barely had time to squeeze in reading book 5 of Harry Potter (I finished it in three days actually and spent a considerable amount of time agonizing over Harry and Hermione [H/Hr forever!], crying over... erm, He Who Was Killed and dancing in jubilation that Draco survived book five, phew!)
Ugh, well, as always, strange mood swings for each couple – from complete silliness to angst and just plain psychotic. A little OCC here and there. What am I saying? A lot of OOC going on here, to be totally honest, but oh, well... Just a friendly warning. That said, I'd like to thank you all again. Take care everyone and don't forget to leave your reviews!
Many thanks to Jen, who reviewed this chapter and dispelled all of my fears, I appreciate it sooo much. This chapter is for you! Hope we get to see each other soon. Looking forward to our chat! And thanks again! I'll keep on writing, I promise.
Mismatched
Chapter 16 - The Heart Has Its Reasons
Kaoru, Misao and Megumi were still stuck in their room trying to decide the best way to confront the situation. Having no plans or whatsoever, they have gone through every possible solution they can think of.
Kaoru's list was fairly fair to say the least. She wanted to talk to Kenshin first, assuming the Kenshin would want to talk to her, state her case and make everything crystal clear. If he wanted to do something about her decisions, then good but if not, then she'll just have to move on. She had done everything that she could. After that she'd have to find the courage to talk to Aoshi because that was another issue that needed to be dealt with. If she can't save her own heart from pain, then might as well save someone else's. Of course it wouldn't hurt to mention that she really wasn't in her best moods today so if she ended up punching Kenshin or Aoshi or both no one should be surprised. She should not be held accountable for that.
Misao's idea on the other hand bordered pretty much on getting her revenge. She had to admit though that without Takani's scheming skills, she had some trouble thinking of ways on how to make Sagara pay. And all night she had paced her room trying to decide on the best way to bring Sano down on his knees. It occurred to her that she should also confront Aoshi-sama but then again that would be futile. Knowing him, he would definitely dodge the topic, apologize to her and that would be it. So no. She wasn't going to set herself to another disappointment. Her heart can only take as much. Her basic plan was kill Sagara and well, that was it.
Megumi's plan, being the Queen of the Schemes, was actually pretty disappointing. She woke up earlier than usual and had gone wandering back to the kitchen, which was sort of a perverted torture for her. She found the place incredibly depressing with nothing but jugs and pots and pans and it just reminded her of the cooking fiasco. Taking a cup and grabbing a jug, she went back to her room and proceeded to wallow. She planned on doing nothing at all. Well, save for asking Misao if she needed any help in killing Sano but other than that, she was willing to give up and just face the fact that all men have brains the size of their...
And then came the knocking on their doors, which pretty much ruined any and all of their existing plans.
MISAO and SANOHe was knocking like crazy and she was trying to ignore it. She wanted to kill Sano of course but not this early of a morning! How would she be able to dispose his body if everyone else would be up and about running around the whole house and asking her what she was doing dragging a bloodied unconscious Sagara?
On the other end of the room Sano wondered for a moment if Misao had gone deaf. He sighed and softly pounded his forehead against the door. There were two consequences that he had to face and he was trying to decide which one was more likely.
If Misao have already realized that everything that had transpired between the two of them (the punches and the near-kisses) had been part of his plan and he had been acting on a scheme... knowing Misao she'd probably react by attempting to murder him. Which was no fun at all. And not entirely something new to him.
On the other hand, if Misao was still clueless about the now aborted plan then all he had to do was apologize for trying to kiss her and leading her on. Because as far as he could tell, Aoshi was already a lost cause; after all why the hell would Misao pick Aoshi over him? He'd have to be honest and tell Misao that she really wasn't someone he'd like to... corrupt. Megumi, sure and if in any case that he be asked, Sano thought that Megumi was doing all the corrupting, which was fine with him as well.
Sano knocked again and distinctly heard Misao cracking her knuckles. He mumbled softly and offered a brief prayer. It looks as though he will have to deal with this the bloody painful way. "Uhm, Ohayou Misao-sweet." He intoned in a sing-song voice.
"What do you want?" Misao asked crossing her arms and glaring at the door.
Sano paused thinking that perhaps Misao was glaring at him because he could feel it through the door, which was just utterly ridiculous. Stupid tea! Jou-chan must have deliberately spiked it! He took a deep breath and tilted his head. What does he want? He stared at the door long and hard. Well, for starters he wanted sake but as he had learned early on in life, honesty sucks. "Peace and love." He said instead, smiling cheerfully.
Sano's voice sounded overly cheerful and Misao let out a sound of what could only be defined as pure wrath. The nerve of that freaking chicken head to mock her. Peace and love alright. She'd give him peace and love. "Go away Sano! I don't want to talk to you!" That sounded very childish, but Misao didn't really care.
"But Misao my pretty, I only want to talk to you." Compliments are good. Girls love it. Aoshi might think of him as complete bastard but Sano knew how to make girls all putty and swoony in his hands. He waited for the door to open.
And open it did.
"Ok, that's it!" Misao screeched through gritted teeth. She had reached her patience. "You're not even going to apologize to me are you? You're just going to go along with your massively insensitive and not to mention stupid plan and pretend that you like me and then feed me all sorts of compliments that you don't even mean. They were just lies! All of them!" And before Sano can even answer that she slammed the door on his face and turned to face her room.
Sano blinked. Crap. Must be Misao's time of the month. "Uhm, ok, I take the 'pretty' compliment back. I barely glimpsed at you, after all you slammed the door on my nose, but you do look somewhat of a mess. Are you ok?" Girls liked to be asked if they're ok, it means that boys are paying attention to them. Right?
She looked somewhat of a mess? Was she ok? Misao took a step back and kicked the door with all her might. She heard Sano yelp in surprise as the door viciously swung open hitting him right smack on the face. She watched with distinct fascination as Sano grabbed hold of his nose and well, that was all that she was able to see as the door slowly closed with a soft "thump". Misao stared at her door and let out a small smile, "You know what Sano, yeah, I'm feeling ok now. Thanks for asking."
"Yo wehcum" Sano answered vaguely as he had both of his hand tightly clamped on his nose. It didn't feel broken at all although he could feel tears squeezing out from the corner of his eyes. Inside his head he was mentally screaming, "Yeeeeeewoooooooch!"
"Now go away!" Misao screeched, hoping that Sano would get the message. 'Go away' was pretty clear and direct, she was sure Sano won't miss that. Unless he wanted to experience more pain which she would be more than willing to give.
Sano shook his head carefully, testing if his nose would suddenly fall off. It didn't and he was extremely relieved. "Much as I would want to leave, save the rest of my facial features and all, I can't."
"I really don't want to see you right now Sano." Misao told him truthfully. She didn't want to see anyone right now, period.
"Please? Misao?"
She leaned her back heavily on the door and took deep calming breaths. He sounded sincere enough. But that wasn't what she wanted to hear. "How could you lie to me? I thought we were friends?" She asked staring at her near vacant room.
There was a moment of silence and she wondered why Sano wasn't answering her. Usually by now, he'd have loads of totally ridiculous excuses. And she realized that because it was true. He had just been feeding her lies and she had stupidly believed in them. Something inside her twisted painfully and she waited for Sano to walk away and just let her be.
Sano sighed. Had he lied so much? He didn't think so. All those time that he had told her that she was beautiful and amazing he was really telling her the truth. It was what his heart was telling him. And he believed his heart that was why he told her that. "You're right." Sano said after swallowing that strange lump in his throat. He thought it was probably the "Ouch, dammit!" that he had chocked on the moment the door had hit him in the face. But maybe it was guilt. "You're right." Sano repeated, this time louder and sounding a tad bit guilty.
Misao stared blankly on her room, where all of a sudden she felt like she was back to being a little girl: reprimanded for playing too long outside and not taking her afternoon naps. For the first time in her life, Misao didn't like the feeling of being right. The dirty yellow light filled every nook and corner of her room and she wondered if this morning could get any worse. She hoped it would rain. She hoped she could lock herself inside and never ever face anyone. Because they all thought so little of her. They still thought of her as this little girl and they never really took her seriously. Not once. Even when she had tried her best to prove to them that she was more than Misao-chan, that she was capable of learning love and pain.
Aoshi-sama couldn't love her as a woman.
Sanosuke knew all the right words but he never really understood what those words had meant to her. He had told her everything that she had wanted to hear, but still that didn't make them true did it? Because Sano was just being ass! She wanted to crawl back to her bed and go back to sleep. She closed her eyes and told herself not to cry.
"Misao?"
"Go away." She mumbled, her anger had suddenly evaporated and she was just tired. She didn't want to start hating Sano again because really, if you think of it, hadn't they started this whole mess? Because they wanted to manipulate other's feelings and now look how fast Karma had come to bite them back in their ass.
Or hearts as the case may be.
"You're right. I should apologize." Sano said sounding totally morose and sorry and she had never heard Sano sound like that before. "But I don't want to apologize to a door."
Misao didn't really want to see him: the look of pity in his eyes. Why was he sorry? Because she was so gullible? Because she was so desperate to be loved and be noticed by Aoshi-sama? "Yeah, ok. It's ok, I forgive you." She sniffed loudly. "Go and talk to Megumi-san, I'm not sure if she still wants to kill you but maybe she had a change of heart last night."
Sano couldn't help but smirk at that. "I'm letting her deal with Kenshin first."
Misao raised her eyebrows, "Did you know that Himura-san sucked on her fingers?" She asked him.
"Yeah. We sort of already compared notes." Sano admitted. It felt weird talking to an inanimate object that would answer with Misao's voice. But if she wanted the distance, the wall to hide from, he'd give her that. He wasn't sure how he'd react if he saw her bright blue eyes marred with pain.
Misao frowned and pouted. "Great! That's just fantastic. I am so glad that you all had fun playing with our feelings!"
"Hey! That's not fair! You played with our feelings first!" He could not believe that she was taking this against him. Fine, she did have a point but really, what were they supposed to do? Stand around and let the girls try to make a fool out of them? Which they sort of half did but that's not the point right now!
Ok, great. Now Sano had a point and a legitimate one at that. After all Sano was right, they were the one who started this whole stupid plan. Well, Megumi did, but she backed her up one hundred percent. And it had been because she wanted to make a point and she hadn't stop to consider what Sano would feel. "But you were supposed to take it like real men and not retaliate!" Misao argued.
Sano smirked, so maybe she was right. But did he really have to admit that? He didn't think so. "Eh? Well, we're a different breed of men." He said with a huff of his chest.
Misao rolled her eyes. "Yeah, the incredibly stupid ones."
"Ouch." Sano muttered. They were both silent again. Sano didn't like the silence and he didn't think Misao liked it either. And well, why not be the gentleman and apologize first? Technically, if they hadn't been such clueless scared bastards then the girls wouldn't have formulated the plan in the first place. "Misao, I didn't lie to you. I never would lie to you."
Misao snorted. "Sano, you're making it worse. I know, ok! I know. You didn't mean them. You we're just trying to make Megumi-san jealous. It worked ok. She was so jealous she brutalized all those poor vegetables." She felt her lips turn upwards remembering how Sano had reacted seeing their meal last night.
She and Sano and had been sitting beside each other and Sano had stared at the table in front of them and then back at the face of Kenshin and Megumi who were pointedly ignoring everyone. He had nudged her underneath the table and she had nudged him back. He then elbowed her a little harder, urging her to speak up but her only answer had been a sharper, more painful and deliberate elbow right smack on his ribs.
She remembered Sano grimacing and finally asking: "Ugh, ano… what are these?" He had asked as politely as he could, gesturing over at the cups and cups of… of well, Misao thought, damned if she knew what Megumi had cooked.
"Vegetable de gozaru." Kenshin had answered good-naturedly.
"Of course. I mean, ugh… they sure look like… like…"
And well, that was when his hand had grazed against her thigh and Aoshi-sama flicked the cup right smack on Sano's face. Thus the birth of the cup-throwing-incident.
Belatedly Misao felt sorry for Sano who she realized was always being hit on his face. Poor guy! She heard Sano gave short loud snort followed by a deep sigh.
"Oh thank Kami for the vegetables then." He muttered sounding relieved. "I love you carrots! And pumpkins and radishes and all those other unidentified vegetables from last night."
"What?" Misao frowned. Did Sano just professed his love to carrots and to pumpkins as well? She placed her ears and tried to listen to what Sano was saying.
"If she didn't have all those vegetable to vent her anger with, I'm sure you'd still be trying to look for pieces of me."
"Euw." Misao wondered why she was still listening to him, but he always had a way of saying something that would completely grab her attention.
"Foxy has a lot of anger in her." He sniggered at this as thought this was something to be cheery about. They were silent again and then he spoke up, "Hey, Misao, I wasn't really lying about how pretty you are, ok? Because you are."
Sano probably heard her make a sound of disbelief because he immediately spoke up, "And I know Shinamori is probably the biggest asshole in Japan for not telling you that but he knows. He sees you. He really does."
"Yeah, he sees me as a kid sister." Misao mumbled.
"Look, I don't know how exactly Shinamori feels about you but I definitely know that he doesn't see you as a kid sister." Sano wanted her so much to believe in him right now. "I think maybe, if he has a heart that is, I think he's actually in love with you. And I know I tend to lie to save my ass but I wouldn't lie about anything like that. I mean, sure if it's a life and death situation maybe I would but... ok.. I think I better shut up before I totally ruin my credibility."
"Oh enough Sano, I'm done hoping." And she really was. She had loved Aoshi-sama for far too long that she doubt she'd ever love anyone else which was fine with her as long as she could finally keep herself from getting her hopes up that he'd love her back. Because that was where it hurts the most. That she could only hope and hope and hope...
"Well, I'm not Kenshin so I don't know as many virtues but hope isn't such a bad thing." Sano tried explaining although in his case, the more he tried to explain the more ambiguous he would get. "You know how we need food and sake to survive, well our heart's sort of like that, it needs hope to survive."
"I thought it needs love. And are you drunk?"
"Love is like the sake, it's not absolutely necessary, but it's nice to have it." Gah! What was he saying? He was no expert in love! Why was Misao asking him all these questions!? "And I haven't drunk anything alcoholic today." He added in a pompous voice. Except for that tea that was probably spiked or poisoned or did people naturally act this way after drinking tea? No wonder Shinamori was such a nut case. It's a good thing he was never a fan of that beverage.
Misao arched her eyebrows. Sano's analogy was pretty... well it was pretty much what she expected from him. "So you don't believe in love?"
Ok, that one he could definitely answer. Sano grinned at the door. "Uhm, I believe in sex, does that figure in the equation?"
Misao threw her hands up in the air, her face suddenly feeling warm. "Argh! I hate you."
"Can you open the door for me, I'd really like to apologize to you now." Sano said, deftly changing the subject. Because sex was something he didn't want to discuss with Weasel-chan. He'd rather have Shinamori deal with that issue.
Misao was quiet for a while and she wondered again if she really couldn't see the difference between a lie and the truth. Because if that was the case, then how would she ever know that what she felt for Aoshi-sama was the truth and not some childhood dream that she couldn't let go. "Do you..." Misao paused, "do you really mean all that you said?"
Sano winced at how small her voice was. "Why take everything so seriously, Misao?" he asked her, "If you really love Shinamori, although I can't really see why, then you love him. Stop over analyzing it! Love isn't something that you can be so totally sure about, it's gonna keep popping up really stupid questions that you can't answer but your heart has it's reasons and sometimes you just gotta listen to it and never mind logic!" Fuck. Where the hell did he get that? He should write that down and publish it; girls are gonnna swoon over his poetic prowess.
Misao wasn't swooning. "Dammit Sano! That wasn't what I asked you!"
Now she sounded angry. Women! Sano thought rolling his eyes. "Misao, I was trying to kiss you, would you have kissed me if I told you why exactly Saitou called you weasel?"
At that she cursed loudly, opened the door and lunged at him.
He was quick to catch her and he was laughing. "You're so much like Foxy, do you know that." He was looking at her eyes now and she didn't look so sad after all.
"I'm nothing like her!" She argued and she raised her eyebrows. "If I'm like her, does this mean that you love me too?" She was pressed near Sano and she could smell tea on him, which was strange she never knew he drank tea.
Ok now, this was the Misao that Sano knew. The one who could tease him so freely. "Of course, you're Misao, no one is like you. And how could I not love you? You're like a miniature version of Jou-chan and Megumi combined. You're my third favorite girl in the whole world but don't tell Tae-san that, I told her she was third." He answered winking at her merrily and Sano didn't know this but for the first time, it was the right answer. The answer that Misao wanted to hear.
Misao grinned back at him, taking a step back and disentangling herself from Sano's semi-hug. She looked at him, relieved to hear the sincerity in his voice, the candidness in his confession. "Third is fine. At least it means I don't get to be teased as much as Kaoru-chan and Megumi-san."
"But you liked being teased, Oh-Most-Violent-Weasel-Ninja!" Sano said wincing in anticipation for the punch to come.
It didn't and he was surprised as hell but that was fine, that was good even. No more bruises! No pain! Hurrah! Weasel girl now knew how to tamp down her violent tendencies and this was because of him! Even Aoshi couldn't change her and he did! Well, assuming that Misao, which he highly doubted, was also punching Shinamori.
Misao tilted her head and asked him something that she'd been meaning to ask. "How did you compare notes?"
Sano smiled at her and waggled a finger across her nose, which she promptly slapped away. "I do not kiss and tell." He said in all seriousness.
Misao rolled her eyes. "You didn't kiss me, idiot."
Sano blinked. "Oh, right. Damn."
"You we're going to apologize." Misao reminded him with an expectant look.
"Was I?"
"Yes. For that stupid plan of yours."
"Ok, I'm going to tell you a secret ok, but promise me you won't tell anyone, this is just between me and you." Sano looked around trying to be sure that there were no spies around them.
Misao looked at him and then to the empty hallways, "I think Okon and Omasu are busy delivering the report to Hiko-sama."
Sano remembered seeing them huddled up while they were having tea. He briefly wondered if they were able to deliver the report or had gotten distracted by, er, some other kind of activity…
"So, what is it? What's the big secret?" Her blue eyes were shining bright and big and no matter how much she tried not being a child her curiosity would always be with her.
Sano blinked. Oh! Right. He smiled at Misao and answered in mock seriousness, "It was all Shinamori's plan."
Misao paused for a few minutes and then punched him in the arm. "Liar."
"Ouch!" He didn't saw that one coming. He rubbed his sore elbow. So much for learning how not to be violent. "It's true! He had this long elaborate speech just so that he could convince me. Kenshin basically said yes right away."
"Long and elaborate speech doesn't sound like Aoshi-sama"
"Trust me, the guy loves to hear his own voice."
"Sano..."
She wasn't going to buy it. "Fine. But you're going to have to apologize first." He crossed his arms and suddenly wary of unexpected blows that might come.
"What the heck for?"
"For trying to seduce me on the first day and then trying to kill me for the rest." Sano's brown eyes brightened as he watched amused as color rose to Misao's cheeks and neck.
"I didn't..." She sputtered and choked. Dammit!
"Oh you didn't? What about that skimpy kimono you wore?"
She was blushing to the very roots of her hair. She knew it. She could feel the heat flooding her whole face and even up to her toes. "Oh, shut up!"
"So it hadn't been a dream, I knew it!" There was a satisfied smirk on Sano's face that Misao very much wanted to erase. "I thought you'd just gone crazy over your love for me." Sano continued, his brown eyes glazing over.
Misao made gagging motions. "What makes you think that I love you?"
"Because you do, Misao-sweet. You do. Not as you love Shinamori, but you love me, c'mmon, admit it."
"I will admit no such thing!"
"Brat!"
"Punk!"
"Apologize!"
"No you first!"
"You first!"
"No, you!"
It occurred to them that there was no way that they'd apologize to each other. It was one of those completely unexplainable things that they both understood without any words. They were both silent for a while and Sano decided that it was now or never. This was his last chance and he might as well grab it before it flies away and leave him wondering for the rest of his life.
"Misao?" He asked suddenly mortified hearing his voice crack at her name.
"What?" She answered almost in the same low voice.
He hesitated for a moment and wondered if there ever would come a time that he'd regret not loving her even though he knew she ought to be loved. And he wished, he truly wished that Shinamori did love her just as much or maybe even more. But why think of Shinamori right now and ruin the moment? He cleared his throat. "Can I kiss you?" Thank God he didn't sound like a 15 year old boy there!
Misao gave him a withering look. "You're such a pervert aren't you?"
Sano was not deterred. Behind the look he thought he caught a glimpse of... well maybe not passion or need or longing but just the same, it was a look that gave him... motivation. "Here." He placed the tip of his fingertips on Misao's forehead.
"Why there?" Misao asked; getting crossed eyed trying to look at Sano's finger resting lightly on her skin.
Because if I kiss you on the lips I won't have any intestines left for dinner tonight. Sano smiled down at her, "Because that's where a woman should be first kissed."
"Liar! Why couldn't you be more like Kenshin and Aoshi-sama?" Misao rolled her eyes trying to ignore the sudden tingling sensation that she was feeling right now. In the forehead. Surely this was not so much of a scandalous and totally unforgivable thing to do. And she really did wonder how it would feel...
Sano arched his eyebrows. "Why would I want to be boring and cold?"
"Well, ok, you have a point there." Misao was suddenly afraid to swallow. Because her heart had just leapt to her throat.
Sano leaned forward, closer even more. I am dead meat if Shinamori walks in on us looking like we're about to kiss... oh, right... we are... "Well, could I?"
"Could you what?" She swallowed and her heart was now back on its proper place but it was beating so loud... could Sano hear it?
Sano rolled his eyes.
Misao closed her eyes and tilted her face upward, her chin touching some part of Sano, she wasn't sure which, but it felt warm and smooth. For a brief moment she wondered how it would be like if Sano kissed her on the lips but then the feeling of sudden nausea swept over her and she knew now, more than ever, that there was one man who she would want to kiss her and whom she want to kiss in return. It was Aoshi. Always Aoshi.
Eyes closed and forging a silent promise of friendship that would last forever and loves that were bound to be discovered: her forehead and his lips met each other half way.
Misao sighed as Sano softly kissed her.
On the forehead, that is.
KAORU AND AOSHIThe sense of deja vu swept over her as soon as she heard the knocking on her door. And whatever she was thinking of suddenly fled her. She knew nothing except that it wasn't Kenshin. It was Aoshi. And she felt a sudden lurch in her stomach.
She took her time walking the short distance between her futon and her door. Aoshi would be standing there and what? Would he be asking her for another walk outside? Maybe he wanted to yet again punish Okon for spying on them and what better way than to leave her stranded, stuck on a knee-deep mud pit.
She slid open the door and before Aoshi can even say anything, before she can ever meet his blue eyes, she said with resounding force: "No."
Aoshi blinked for a few seconds wondering if he had said something without his knowledge. He raised his eyebrows and felt the same surprising rush of warmth spread through him when she blushed.
Kaoru tried to explain herself, "Uh... I mean, no."
Yes that seems to make sense, Kaoru. Go on and ask him if he had bought his kodachi with him so you can just stab yourself senseless. The familiar voice inside her head sneered.
Kaoru wanted to faint dead away but then that would even be weirder so she stood straighter and planted her feet firmly on the floor.
"No to what exactly, Kaoru?" He asked using her name because it seemed like the best way to address her now. And it was a pretty enough name. He liked the sound of it.
"No, ugh, I don't want to take a walk. Or meditate." She added hastily. There. At least that would make it clear that she was no puppet that Aoshi-sama can control or order around. "And I want you to know that I know what you're up to." She added in a defiant manner.
Silence hung about them and Aoshi winced internally. He had hoped that Kaoru would have not figured it out. It would have been better if he had been the one to tell her the truth but what is done is done. "I came here to tell you about it." Aoshi said. No sense beating around the bush. If Kamiya-san had already discovered this, then perhaps Misao also know it by now. Good. He hoped she was giving Sanosuke a hard time about it. Nosebleed. Yes. That was what he wanted for Sagara. A good flowing nosebleed. If he was lucky enough, perhaps all of Sagara's blood would flow out.
"Oh. Really? Well, I do not wish to partake in any of your schemes." Kaoru announced.
Oh, yeah, like he wished to partake in any of your schemes. If you have forgotten dear Self, it was you who had dragged him first to your evil plans of manipulating their feelings.
"And I ugh... I apologize as well." Kaoru quickly blurted out wracked by sudden guilt and shame for putting all the blame on Aoshi. What did she expect anyway? That they just let them play with their feelings?
"No need. We should have never... I should have never agreed on Sagara's plan." Aoshi gave her a small smile. "That makes us even then. Forget about it. No harm done." He added in business like tone of voice.
"No harm?" She hadn't meant to ask him that. Because if she did think about it the only harm had been the quiet confusion that had lodged itself inside her heart and well, was it Aoshi's fault that she had began to see him in a different light? One that she had not expected herself to discover. One that made her feel as though maybe, it was quite possible that she could love someone else other than Kenshin. Not just Aoshi-sama but perhaps someone else who had the courage to show her what they truly felt. And didn't she deserve that honesty?
Her voice shook slightly and Aoshi sensed more than just her usual nervousness. He deftly reached out and took her hand. It was cold and clammy. "I did not mean to confuse you." And it was not like she hadn't done any harm to him either. "Sometimes there are reasons that our hearts have and even if we seek to find the answer, we just simply cannot. It has a mind of it's own, Kaoru."
She was waiting for her sarcastic voice but it had departed her... at the time when she badly needed to hear something other than Aoshi sounding so... human like. Kaoru swallowed hard. These are words that she had never imagined she would someday hear from him. Never. This was Aoshi-sama who's vocabulary range, according to Sano, was the size of a flattened pea. Who never showed his feelings to anyone, not even to Misao... she quickly pulled her hand away and stared at him.
His blue eyes looked so familiar now, like she had been looking at him for the longest time and she realized with a start that her own eyes were reflected in his. She wondered why she suddenly felt a connection with Aoshi. It was nothing like what she shared with Kenshin or the brotherly-kind that she had with Yahiko and Sano. It was something that bordered in between those two extremes. And she felt as though Aoshi understood her in ways that neither Sano nor Kenshin could. Perhaps it was because they shared the kind of sadness that was rooted from their childhood. At the back of her mind, she realized that she never knew what kind of childhood Kenshin had: if it was just as lonely as hers and just as sad.
She shook her head, trying to erase yet again another example of how Kenshin had never shared anything about his past, how he had always shoved her aside and not let her at least try to ease some of his older much darker wounds. She heaved a deep sigh and mumbled, "Is it always going to be there? The doubt?"
Aoshi blinked at her, totally surprised by this confession. He had always though that hers was the kind of love that didn't leave any space for doubts. He wondered how much doubt he had placed on Misao's heart from all those years of silence. "You doubt Battou-" He stopped as soon as he saw her eyes flare and he immediately corrected himself, "You doubt Himura's love for you." It was a statement and not a question and Aoshi found himself wishing that he could erase that doubt because it was clearly the source of her unhappiness. He was not used to seeing the darker, the lonelier side of her.
Kaoru let out a small chuckle. "Does he even love me?" She shrugged. "Stupid question. I mean, I know... I...it's just that… he never told me."
"If you ask him now, he would tell you." Aoshi didn't know what else to say. He kept hearing Misao's voice inside his head asking the same questions. They weren't very different. Him and Battousai and Kaoru and Misao. If he could take this sadness from Kaoru, than perhaps he could do the same for Misao.
Kaoru snorted. "I asked him dozens of time." her mind played out that scene from that other lost night that seemed more of a dream than a memory. Kenshin's skin on her lips and how he never did respond. Had she asked him properly? Did she have to spell it out to him? Well, maybe she did. Maybe she was in her own way afraid of letting him know how she truly felt for him and maybe Kenshin sensed that fear... maybe that was why he would always pull back. She didn't know. Kaoru didn't know what she should think anymore.
"Himura is a bit of an idiot." Aoshi said trying to keep his voice neutral. Well, if Himura was an idiot then so was he. He cringed at the thought. "He knows the answer. Ask him again."
Kaoru raised her eyes towards him and shook her head. "He'll tell me the same thing... that he wants to keep me safe forever. I'm tired of hearing that. I know how to take care of myself."
"No one questions your, er, ability to take of yourself Kaoru." Aoshi smirked at the image of a bokken wielding Kaoru that suddenly found it's way inside his brain. "I've seen Himura in his worst beaten state and you could give some of his enemies a run for their money."
Kaoru's lips twitched and he could see a small smile forming on her lips. "You sound like Sano." She told him and Aoshi didn't know whether he should take that as an insult or just pretend he never heard it. There were so many things wrong with that statement.
"Himura would never be able to live with himself if something happened to you because of him. Isn't that an answer enough?" He didn't know why Kaoru couldn't see this. It was the only thing that he and Battousai shared in common. The fear of losing the one person that they hold precious because of the mistakes of their past that would forever haunt them. Surely, Misao could understand this, could see this fact better than Kaoru. He stared at Kaoru's eyes and sighed. There was no way of finding out what goes on inside those female heads. Perhaps it was more sentimentality on their part. But wasn't that also the reason why he loved Misao too? Because she had a sentimental heart that refused to be beaten down by his jadedness.
"No. It's not the answer that I want!" Feeling incredibly frustrated that Aoshi cannot see her point and understand her pain she looked up to him, "D-do you... want to keep me safe forever?"
He reached out to take her hand. He held on to it so that she won't pull back. So that she would know the sincerity of his words. "Of course."
His hand was so cold. She stared up to him and tilted her head. "Then does that mean that you love me too?"
It took Aoshi a moment to realize what she was asking. Maybe it was more than sentimentality that the girls have. Yes, they seem to be a lot more perceptive than them. But really, do all women have to question how much love a man can feel? Don't they ever know that sometimes saying the usual profession of love was just inadequate? Aoshi sighed. He would never, ever know. "No and yes." He answered, tightening his grip on her hand when she tried to pull away.
She glared at him. Not wanting to feel trapped and not wanting the same vague answer that she would always get from Kenshin. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Before, I was only aware of two kinds of love. And one had always consumed me. The love for power. The love for fame. The love for acquiring all that I thought rightfully belonged to me. And it wasn't even the kind of love that could make me happy. For a long time I thought it was. And the other day, when I took you out on a walk I realized that I was capable of other kinds of love." Aoshi was almost surprised to hear himself talk so much. He shook his head and tried to tell himself that this was going to be just one of those rare moments that would never again occur.
Kaoru smiled and wondered if Aoshi realized that that was more than three sentences that he had spoken. Why was he always hiding behind monosyllabic retorts when he can be so poetic and very profound? She tamped down the urge to tease him, afraid that he'd revert back to his, 'Hn.' and 'Hai's.' Using her free hand, she took Aoshi's other hand and squeezed it, as though to tell him that she understood now what he saw in her on that secret place of his. "Like the one you have for Misao?"
Aoshi squeezed her hand back. Grateful for the gesture and readying her for his answer. "No. Like the one I have for you."
Kaoru could feel her throat shooting up from its proper place and then landing on her throat. She felt like Aoshi had just dropped a two-ton metal bokken on her head. She shook her head and cleared her voice. "For me?"
She squeaked these two words out. So much like a little girl. And Aoshi, for the first time didn't see the shadow of a younger Misao in her face but instead he caught a brief glimpse of the Kaoru-child that always lurked behind her smile. "You're something of a light Kaoru. You cannot unlearn hope. It's something that's naturally inside of you. Himura sees you that way. Of course, he sees you more than just light. He sees you as his light." And Aoshi suddenly wondered if he was talking more about himself and Misao than he was about Battousai and Kaoru. Aoshi could feel his jaws clenching. When did he become Battousai's spoke person? He shook his head, "I cannot tell what goes on inside his," Aoshi was about to say 'demented psychotic mind' but thought better of it, "inside his head but I know what goes on inside his heart. It shows on how he looks at you. Don't be blinded by his fear."
Kaoru never did notice when she started crying. She was light? She was Kenshin's light? "I hope I can hear him say that." She mumbled.
"If Takani-san hasn't killed him yet, you most probably will." Aoshi assured her. He let go of both her hands and stepped back, looking at her face. He offered her something akin to a smile although he had a distinct feeling that it was more of grim. Oh well, his smile always belonged to one person. He reached out to wipe her tears away and almost, almost gave her a smile when she hiccupped like a little girl. And again, the shadow of a young Misao haunted him. "I'm sorry that you had to hear it from me." He began to back away, eager to find Misao and wipe away her tears.
"No wait!" Kaoru reached out and caught a fistful of his shirt. "Don't go!" She had pulled him to her and he was surprised by her strength.
"It's ok. It's ok that you told me. And don't be sorry. It was not my feelings that you've hurt, Aoshi-sama." She was speaking too fast that her words were tumbling out one after the other and she was sniffing like a six-year-old girl but she had to tell him. She had to. She had vowed to save someone from heartache and she would.
The sama was back. And Aoshi felt a swift pain at the pit of his heart that was gone even before he felt the full impact of it. He placed both of his hands on her shoulder and pushed her a little, taking in her tear stained face. He sighed and shook his head, "It's different from what you and Himura have, and it cannot be solved by mere words. I have never shown her... never..."
Kaoru cut him off, "Then you should go to her... to Misao and show her! Tell her! Draw it for her. I don't know, use pantomime or something. But you have to let her know..."
Aoshi looked at Kaoru grimly. Pantomime? He let that one pass. He was sure it was an idea that she got from Sagara. He would advice her later not to hang around Sagara too much. She might end up being corrupted.
Kaoru misinterpreted his silence. "Aoshi-sama, I know it sounds crazy because we've only spent less than a week together but I've learned to love you too. Not the kind of love that I have for Kenshin or Sano..."
Sano? How could she love that monstrosity? He let her continue though; perhaps she'd say that she loves Sagara out of pity. Like how a kind person would love a three-legged kitten or something.
"... it's different. Like you said, there are different kinds of love and I do care for you. I would really like to see you happy... you have to let her know."
"I don't know how." He finally confessed. "We've had too much silence between us."
"It doesn't matter. It will all go away. Words aren't what you need. Bring her to your secret place, I should've never been the first one there. And make her understand."
Aoshi stared at her, suddenly aware that the extent of their understanding didn't seem as deep as he had thought. His secret place. "That's probably the best laid plan I've heard for this week." He said in his usual dead serious voice.
She blinked up at him surprised that he was capable of teasing her. And despite the tears she found herself suddenly giggling. "I do have better schemes don't I?" She asked, completely forgetting her meditating nightmares and the cramps that she had suffered.
Aoshi smirked at that. He opened his mouth to tell her that she was more logical and not much of a schemer when he realize that they were still somewhat in each other arms. She must have seen it in his eyes because she went suddenly still and silent. After a few moments they both spoke up.
"Did you know that Sano tried to kiss Misao?"
"Did you know that Himura sucked on Takani-san's finger?"
They both nodded. Kaoru grinned at him and he was glad that she was able to forget the heaviness of their conversation just minutes ago. "How come we didn't do anything more scandalous?" She asked him, her eyes twinkling merrily.
"Wasn't meditating scandalous enough? Himura had a lot to say about that." Aoshi answered without blinking. Kaoru's blue eyes were laughing and he could see his own blue eyes reflected back. People often tell him that he had cold blue eyes and he wondered why it wasn't so cold when reflected in hers. He leaned forward and again caught a whiff of something flowery and at once he was able to identify the smell. Jasmine. It was jasmine. And it suited her just fine.
He dipped his head a little low and watched with half closed eyes as she tilted hers up. He kissed the space on her cheeks just a few centimeters from her lips. And she did the same thing to him. When he felt her lips brush against his skin he wondered that maybe the kind of love that he had for her was not the kind that was explored. It was the kind that was kept as a mystery. Not like regret which was bitter and hateful but more like the long forgotten childhood mysteries that he used to have. He remembered staring at the sky and wondering if he could have all the stars at the palm of his hand. He then remembered how Kaoru had smiled at him when she showed him that it was possible.
Kaoru pulled back. Her heart was fluttering nervously but that was ok. The moment of silence that enveloped them as they kissed told more than words can and she understood the kind of love that Aoshi talked about. The one where the answer is both a 'no' and a 'yes'. It was the kind of love that didn't have any more lines to cross upon and didn't have any space to take a step back and ponder on about what they have. This was probably one of the many irrational things that her heart was capable of. But for once, it didn't need any reason or logic and Kaoru wasn't looking for one.
"Go to her. And… and I should probably look for Kenshin too and ask him again." Kaoru told him.
Aoshi nodded. He stepped away and turned his back on her but she had one more question to ask and she called out to him. He turned back and looked at her expectantly. "You said you knew only two kinds of love before. One was the love of power... yada yada yada... but what was the other?"
Aoshi paused for a minute and then gave Kaoru a ghost of a smile. "Misao."
Kaoru grinned at him, wanting so much to punch Aoshi for being such an unbelievable sap and really, he was worse than Kenshin! She thought she rather love him for that. And she told him just as much.
He smirked at her and shook his head, "Better keep that as a secret Kamiya-san."
Back to Kamiya-san.
Everything was back to normal again.
She thought of Kenshin...
Oh well, half normal at least.
KENSHIN and MEGUMIThe jug turned out to be sake. Of course. And perhaps that was a good thing. Megumi never really did understand why Sano was virtually addicted to it but now after a few cups, Megumi thought she was becoming quite fond of the alcohol.
When she had ushered Kenshin in, he didn't seem to notice her current state and frankly, Megumi was quite sure that Kenshin don't really notice her at all. She was a mere shadow that was blocking his view of Kaoru. Or the woman in the background. Whatever. She wandered briefly if this was how other people see her, but dismissed the thought as soon as it lodged itself in the inner more vulnerable recess of her mind. She did not need more reason for self-doubt.
She tried to look normal enough, no sense in announcing that she had been drinking. Kenshin was looking at her suspiciously. "Nani?" She asked him finally when he appeared to be debating whether or not he should say something or remain there standing, stoic and ever so quiet. "Do you want to be part of the wall, Ken-san?" she asked and Kenshin shook his head no, took a step forward and swallowed hard. This would be interesting.
Megumi-dono was staring at him with a half vacant expression and she clearly was not at all interested in what he has to say but Kenshin went on with his practiced speech. He thought that it would be best that he tell Megumi everything first and then apologize later that way they could wipe the slate clean. He took a deep breath after the elaborate and highly detailed description of their plan and stared back at Megumi-dono's unblinking eyes. He was expecting nothing short of screaming and mauling but all she said was satisfied sounding, "Ha!" Confused, Kenshin scratched the back of his head and oro-ed softly.
The confirmation of her suspicions didn't come as a surprise much more the familiar "oro" that had escaped Kenshin's mouth. Megumi sighed and tried to remember the last time she had felt this rotten. It seemed so long ago. She could barely remember the cause of her old wounds from the past. There was no point in letting them hurt her anymore and she had been surviving pretty well. If only her heart had been obedient enough. She would never had fallen for this kind of trap – the one where the only way to escape it was to be captured. In Sano's arms most preferably. Megumi shook her head, trying to clear the fogging effects of alcohol. "That's it?" she asked the red haired who was standing in front of her, shifting from foot to foot.
"I wanted to apologize for…"Kenshin began, wanting to get this over and done with. Of course Megumi deserves his out most sincere apology but he could feel an insistent urging from the pit of his stomach telling him to go and find Kaoru. He had to tell her now… everything that he had bottled up inside for so long was slowly trying to burst free. Words that he had locked up inside his heart for so long… he glanced back at Megumi who was now looking at him like he was something that was laid on a dissecting table. "Er, Megumi-dono, I am trying to apologize." He reminded her, just in case she forgot, or he forgot for that matter.
Megumi wondered what Kenshin was sorry for. She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. "Why can't Sano apologize to me?" Because as far as she was concerned it was Sano's apology that would matter to her the most, maybe not even an apology. Maybe just an acknowledgement of whatever it was they were feeling or not feeling for each other.
Kenshin stepped forward again, frowning as he caught a wiff of sake. He looked down at Megumi but her clear eyes gave no indication of being under any influence of alcohol. He cleared his throat and assured Megumi with a friendly grin. "He will. After he apologize to Misao."
Megumi immediately hated that answer. "Oh-hoh! So he's apologizing to her first, is that it?"
"Well, I'm sure it's nothing personal." Kenshin's mind had wandered back to Aoshi and Kaoru, alone together in a room, laying their hearts in the open. He closed his palm in a fist and wondered if Kaoru would ever again allow him to hold her…
"Fine then. I don't care." Megumi said huffily. It's going to stay the same. She would never be Sano's priority. She would always be shoved somewhere in the background. Always unnoticed. She looked up at Kenshin again, trying to read the hardened, darkened lines in his face. Did you miss Kaoru-chan so much, Ken-san that there are already visible signs on your face? She opened her mouth and as always it was a different voice, a different question altogether. "Did you have fun playing psychotic mind games with me?"
Kenshin tilted his head and wondered if he had heard Megumi-dono correctly, "Psychotic what?"
Never paid enough attention to. Yes, she was used to this. It was just another lance of pain that went through her that she briefly dismissed. A woman her age should not be seeking attention, she should be seeking love. But she had sought and sought and the only person who her heart belonged with was apologizing to another girl. And the one man that she thought she could love was a mere illusion that she had built inside her head. She should've used her eyes and not her dreamless heart into molding her feelings for Kenshin. It wasn't total disillusionment. Only slow realization, that even before she came into the dojo, Kenshin had already handed his heart, his life, his soul to Kaoru. "Kenshin, Kenshin, Kenshin, didn't your shishou ever taught you anything about girls?"
"Uhm, it's his favorite topic actually." Kenshin replied noticing the paleness of Megumi's lips. It was the first time that he had seen her without the strawberry red smile and he wondered if he was in any way at fault for taking that smile, which most of the time might have been cynical and sardonic, but it was genuine nonetheless.
Megumi slapped her forehead with an open palm. "Kami! The guy has serious problems then!" She wondered what kind of lessons Kenshin had with girls and with his shishou. Did Hiko told Ken-san that a woman's heart longed to be captured, yes, but she doesn't enjoy the long chase? And in the end, all she ever wanted was someone who would believe in her. Just her, regardless of whatever excess emotional baggage that she might be carrying?
And hadn't Sano showed just how important he thought she was by knocking the knife from out of her hand and telling her that her death would be for nothing and that she had a purpose in life? Megumi tried not to sniff too loudly. She was tired of the chase, of the endless bickering that was amusing at first but draining in the end. Why had she always kept Sano at arms length? Because he was the only one that can get to her and she refused to accept that. She glanced at Kenshin. She didn't have to wonder why Kenshin had kept Kaoru in arms length all this time.
"That's true Megumi but that's not why I came here." Kenshin was determined to have this conversation over, the longer he waited the more his courage would fail him but there was that strange look in Megumi's eyes. It was something that he had never seen in them before. But maybe he was too busy trying to build the fiercest walls of stubbornness around his heart to notice that it had always been there. Lurking behind her faded golden-brown eyes. "Megumi-dono…" he began, intending to ask for the reason behind the sadness that he could now clearly see but she cut him off with a wave of her hand.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Apology accepted." She had observed Kenshin and Kaoru far too long to not to know when they actually started loving each other. It was one of those random things that she realized out of nowhere and the funny thing was that it was Kenshin who first loved Kaoru and not the other way around. She looked at Kenshin, expecting to hear something like…
"Well, I think I should apologize first before you accept my apology." Kenshin muttered, suddenly feeling the whole impact of how sorry he really was for always brushing Megumi aside and for how often had he had innocently step aside and did nothing whenever Megumi tried to wrap herself around him while giving Sano the smallest, fastest glances; sorry that he had remained quite all these time when he had found out that Megumi-dono had fallen in love with Sano even before Sano had realized that his feelings for Megumi was nothing like what was shared between friends.
Megumi smiled at him. "Kenshin, I'm sure that we were the only couple that didn't have any fun from that sordid miserable week. You don't have to apologize for that." And he really didn't have to. She knew when Kenshin was having fun and last week, he definitely was not having any fun.
"I really wouldn't say miserable, Megumi-dono. We had fun." Kenshin replied in half honesty, remembering the smile that Megumi had the last time they went to The Akabeko. She had been sitting beside him, in between him and Kaoru as always, her hands looped around his arms and she was trying to feed him sautéed shrimp but her lowered eyes had been watching Sano. And she had been blushing then. The only moments that Megumi was having fun was when she had him to cover her up, to hide the hope that was in her eyes and again, he had been selfish enough to remain quiet and let Megumi ward Kaoru off, because he didn't think that he could.
Megumi raised her eyebrows at him. How convenient they had been for each other. It wasn't something that they openly discussed although subconsciously, unconsciously they both know that it was the best option at that time; it was the only way to hide their growing feelings, not for each other, but for those that was around them that remained oblivious. And there was no way that they would start talking about their own selfishness, their own childish game. Their failed attempts at showing a physical manifestation of their connection was useless because they were not connected by heart or by mind or by emotion, but by their fears. And this was something that they both wanted to never be discovered, always kept quiet and hidden because if people saw it, they would also see their weaknesses. They understand each other that way.
She remembered watching Kenshin watch Kaoru, which was probably one of the more fascinating things to do when incredibly bored. The play of emotions in Kenshin's face whenever he thinks that no one was watching was as impressive as seeing waves crashing on the shore or snow falling from the sky or rain dripping from the glass window pain or the sunlight piercing through the thin walls of her room. It was there. It was so obvious. So blatant that there wouldn't be any question on your mind whether or not Kenshin loved Kaoru. It was him who loved her first. He fell in love with Kaoru first and not the other way around. Megumi was sure that Kenshin had realized this even before Kaoru had even developed any feelings for him.
Kenshin gave Megumi one of his rare smiles. The one tinged with the familiar painful grimace and a hint of sneer. "Well, maybe the walking around Kyoto was a bit... excruciating."
Megumi appreciated the sincerity. "Well, I certainly didn't have any fun chopping all those vegetables."
Kenshin raised his eyebrows and took hold of Megumi's hand. She didn't try to pull and he remembered the first time he found out that Sano's feeling for Megumi had grown into something other than the friendly banters that the ex-Zanza would engage Megumi with. It was the first time that Megumi had held Sano's injured hand and Megumi had all her attention to it. Because it was the hand of the person that she loved that had been hurt and it required everything from her… including her heart. And Sano had been joking that Megumi would probably just break every bone in his body but Megumi had not replied; surprised by the silence, Sano had looked up. And that was it. "Of course. I... uhm, sorry for that. And for sucking on your finger as well."
Megumi snorted, pulling her hands from Kenshin's grasp. Again, plagued by images of Kenshin looking over at Kaoru his heart practically on his sleeves and she had always wondered if she ever looked at Sano that way and if anybody ever noticed. She didn't know when exactly their relationship shifted into the more physical, more verbal one. But maybe it was when they started to realize that there was nothing really to hide and it was just so damn obvious they might as well try out and out bickering to hide it. Because then, people won't see what's behind the barbed words. Love was a scary thing for her. She guessed that it was the same thing for Sano. She didn't want to drive him away. "It's ok. I think I can forgive you for that. I did ask for sex after all."
Kenshin blinked. Somehow he wasn't expecting that, it totally ruined his train of thoughts. "Right." He said, shaking his head and clearing it with images of his Shishou and the echoing voice inside his head asking him to drink up more sake and to listen very well.
"So, shall we say that we're both even?" Megumi asked. Watching Kenshin as he tried to get his mind off the gutter.
"Aa." Kenshin agreed with a small nod. He paused and stared at Megumi for a long time. She met his gaze and Kenshin realized that her eyes weren't golden brown but hazel. "And I really didn't mean to play with your feelings."
"Don't try to make me feel guilty." Megumi mumbled gazing back at his eyes suddenly remembering the first time she acknowledged Kaoru's feelings for Kenshin.
Tanuki-chan had been looking at Kenshin, her face lighted up, eyes filled with girlish awe and childhood crush. Megumi could see Kaoru wanting Kenshin to stay, not because she loved Kenshin but because she needed the knowledge that someone was there to take care of her and for her to take care of and that was something her young heart had found romantic and endearing but it wasn't love at that time. Megumi remembered feeling sorry for Kenshin. And then she realized with a pang that it was empathy that she felt and not sympathy.
"Gomen."
Megumi blinked, surprised to find herself staring at the floor and suddenly hearing Kenshin's voice. She met his purple eyes tinged with the faintest hint of gold. She sighed and rolled her eyes at Kenshin's internal I'm Sorry Mechanism. A lot of people need it, her being one of them, but when Kami distributed it, Kenshin had probably been the only one who was interested. "And I already told you to stop apologizing."
"Gomen." Kenshin could not help it. He wished he could shut up but it was impossible.
"Argh!" Megumi threw up her hand in the air.
"Go--"
"I swear, if I hear another word of apology from you… I am going to yank that tongue of yours, slice it up and mix it in the vegetable soup that we're having for dinner tonight."
Kenshin bit his tongue.
Megumi sighed. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Megumi-dono." He mumbled, unsure of what to tell her.
Megumi rolled her eyes. "You're hopeless." She snatched the cup perched at the table and drank from it. It was the alcohol that was making her think up all these memories and she really didn't want to dwell on them because what was past was past and if she and Sano were forever bound to dodge each other, then that was the way it was going to be. She didn't know how to tell him how she felt, which was really dumb and stupid. But she just couldn't help it. It was not in her blood to be so damn… open. She had been guarded all her life; she didn't know how to knock her own walls down. Sano had tried a lot of times and he had ended up with bruised and bloody fists.
But that's because his stupid and he keeps on punching rocks instead of your inner walls, which by the way is made up of granite!
Megumi was unsatisfied with the weak retort of her Inner Self. She placed the cup back down, grabbed the jug and drank it exactly as Sano would.
Kenshin watched as the colorless liquid elegantly dribbled from the corner of her mouth to her chin. He remained silent until Megumi dropped the jug, hicked and wiped her mouth dry. Kami, I really, really, hope that was water. "Ugh, ano… was that a jug of sake?"
"Why yes it is! I actually found forty of them although I don't know why they'd keep so many of this stuff. I nicked one. For, ugh, my nerves." She explained feeling the sudden heat rise up from her chest to her face and then flushing back down to her stomach. Wow! No wonder Sano liked this stuff.
"I don't think you should start drinking Megumi-dono. Especially this early." Kenshin told her in his best chastising voice. He glanced around the room trying to see if she had taken only one jug of sake. It looked like she was telling the truth. Hopefully.
"Nonsense! I'm fine. And besides I haven't been drunk in a long while." Which was true. The last time she got drunk was… oh, right, just a few days ago which led to her plan which led to a week of useless flirting and finger sucking which then led to this day. Damn! But anyway, she wasn't drunk.
"Oro!" Kenshin exclaimed.
Megumi smiled. If it was his sign of disapproval, well then it was a very weak one. She tilted her head and gazed at Kenshin. He seemed uncomfortable being under such scrutiny but Megumi thought he rather looked cute. "Kenshin, let's be honest here. I'm just curious, did you actually think that Iceberg and Tanuki would end up together after one week?"
Kenshin paused for a while and closed his eyes before answering, "Yes."
"Oh, Kami, you are blind!" Megumi cried out in exasperation. She flashed back on one of those lazy days at the dojo where everyone would just hang outside by the porch. She remembered watching Kaoru watching Kenshin play with Ayame and Suzume. She remembered seeing Tanuki's blue eyes, once filled with the brightness of untarnished hope and the sweetness of life, suddenly marred by pain. And that was when Megumi realized that Kaoru had finally discovered the depth of her feelings towards Kenshins. Because it was no longer the girl in Kaoru that was seeing Kenshin but the woman in her; the one that knows about love and pain being so closely intertwined that it was the mixed bitter-sweet ache in your heart that you feel when you look at the person that you love. And Megumi was sorry that she had kept quiet about it and never assured the little one that it was not always painful. That Kenshin loved her first and that she should not be saddened by the fact that he doesn't seem to care. But how else would Kaoru learn?
"I was being... realistic." Kenshin replied softly.
Unfortunately, she hadn't expected Kenshin to be just as clueless. "Oh, right. Iceberg and Tanuki were so real... yeah, I can see them now. Little blue-eyed, dark-haired kids running around the Aoiya shouting "Busu-sama! Tsurara-sama!" all the time. That's reality for you."
Kenshin found himself gritting his teeth. How could Megumi-dono easily throw off words that could hurt so much? If she was making him realize that he had been stubborn and cowardly he should also point out that she had the very same fears. "And did you really think that Misao-dono and Sanosuke would get together after one week?" He countered a little surprised at how strident he sounded.
"I didn't say that." Megumi frowned and looked at Kenshin. "I was just wondering why it didn't work for us. I mean, don't we have chemistry?"
Megumi was looking up at him expectantly waiting for an answer. Kenshin did not know how to respond to that. "Well, if it's any consolation, Sano looked liked he was about to eviscerate me when I told him that I sucked on your finger." Maybe that would make Megumi-dono happy.
"He did? I guess we weren't so much of a failure then." Megumi grinned at him and Kenshin had a sneaking suspicion that the reason behind Megumi's clear eyes was exactly because of the alcohol. This was trouble. In so many different ways…
"But see, if you hadn't told him that he would have never reacted to it. Like if I hadn't told Kaoru that I asked you for sex the other day, she would have never reacted like she'd shave my eyebrows off if she can only render me unconscious." Megumi pouted at the image of herself without any eyebrows.
"You told her that?" Kenshin exclaimed. He was overcome by a sudden urge to start banging his head on something really hard and solid right now.
"Yes, well, didn't you tell Sano about the whole sucking on the finger incident? Aren't you happy to know that Tanuki, The Evil Onna, had been really hurt and upset by this? She was jealous Kenshin! She can't be jealous of that and still like Shinamori."
Megumi seemed happy with her flawed deduction. Kenshin went over to her and tried to make her sit down. "I really didn't think it was right for us to have played with their feelings, Megumi-dono."
"Well, it wasn't actually playing with feelings, it was more like, manipulating." Megumi was starting to feel woozy and she mentally cursed herself. She was on a self-destructive path. Great.
"It still wasn't right and it didn't work out too well. We only ended up pushing them away from us and worse, hurting them." Kenshin helped Megumi settle on the chair. He should've known. He should've realized this early on but he was again blindsided by his thoughts on Kaoru and Aoshi. But still, it wasn't an excuse. He should've been more observant like before. His shishou was right; love was a very dangerous thing…
"But see we haven't finished the plan. It was supposed to go on for a whole week. Now we'll never know what might have happened." Megumi buried her face in her hands and tried not say anymore but everything that she had been trying not to think of, not to fear was pouring from out of her mouth even before she can stop them. "And why didn't discover that we might have some feelings for each other? Were you at least in some ways attracted to me?"
"Megumi-dono, you're very beautiful." Kenshin told her while surveying her dark hair sticking up in every direction, her flushed face and her bitten pale lips. Well, in good days she was really beautiful.
"Sano never told me that. And that wasn't what I asked you!" Megumi glared at him through her already reddening eyes.
"Sano's afraid that if he did tell you that, you'd chop off his head." Which was true. Whenever Sano complimented her, Megumi had the weird tendency to whack Sano's head.
"I would not!" Would she? Well if she had, it was only because Sano would tell her in a condensing manner, without even looking at her straight in the eyes. What kind of compliment is that?
Again, Kenshin was not sure whether or not he should say something. So he let Megumi continue.
"Do you think Sano really likes Misao? Do you think Misao likes Sano? She has that sort of weird look in her eyes when I mention Sano's name. It's not the same kind of look she gets when I say Shinamori's name but still, I just noticed." She was babbling. Oh, Kami. Now she knows why exactly Sano was a freaking motor-mouth whenever drunk.
"Megumi-dono, you know how Sano feels about you. And I don't think Misao thinks about Sano that way." Kenshin tried to be encouraging but he doubted that Megumi was actually listening to him.
"Yeah. What kind of an idiot would think of Sano that way? How about Kaoru? Do you think she likes Sano?" Megumi had seen Sano look at Kaoru in the hopeful-if-only way. Maybe it was if-only-I-had-sister-like-her but she could never really tell. She could compete with Misao. But Kaoru was different. She had poisoned Hiko once and Kenshin was still enchanted with her. She was sure that no one would be able to pull that off, except for Kaoru.
"I think she sees Sano as an older brother." Kenshin answered ignoring the icy hand that suddenly held his heart. He didn't think Kaoru saw Sano that way. They bicker too much. And Sano would never do that to him. Neither would Kaoru. Why was Megumi hell bent on driving him mad?
"Oh. That's nice. Do you think Aoshi likes Kaoru?" She asked looking up at Kenshin waiting for his reply.
"I think any guy would like her, Megumi-dono."
"Oh, that is just so sweet! Why don't you ever tell Tanuki how you feel about her? You talk about her all the time you know. Even before when this whole thing started. When we were at the boat, she was all that you talked about." There was a note of disdain in her voice that she couldn't erase. She remembered being stuck with Kenshin and listening to the sappiest antidotes imaginable. And where had Sano been? In the cabin. Avoiding her.
Kenshin opened his mouth to answer but she cut her off, "What if Misao and Sano… what if they end up together. Or what if Sano ends up with one of his slutty geisha friends?"
The sake seemed to have momentarily washed away Megumi's pretense of not caring whether or not she had Sano's attention. She was staring up at him with watery brown eyes. "I'm sure Sano wouldn't do that to you."
"Do you think that you could like me, I mean, if Sano and Misao decide to get together and Aoshi and Kaoru decide that they want to have kids, do you think that we can be together?"
Can you say desperate? Megumi asked herself. She could feel and hear the pounding of her heart. She had too many fears. Once, before, she had never doubted that she could bring Sano to his knees, subjugate him to her every fancy and whim… but now, these annoying doubts planted on her heart were growing into a forest of fears and questions and what was she to do if all those fears came true. Can she live with the constant oro and the pink gi?
Oh! What a nightmare that would be! She sniffed loudly and wiped her eyes. She would live a tragic life! And she'd watch in silence as Sano's kids call her Aunt Megumi or worse, Aunt Foxy!
Kenshin had turned pale as soon as he heard Megumi's question. Whoa! Kids!? Aoshi and Kaoru? Kids!?
Megumi stared at Kenshin who seemed to be relieving a nightmare of his own. "Kenshin? Kenshin I'm talking to you!"
Kenshin blinked. He looked at Megumi again, noticing the flushed cheeks and the wide eyes that was regarding him like he was… like he was… he couldn't name it. It just gave him the chills. He cleared his throat and tried to bring everything back into something that resembled reality… or at least some logic. "Gomen. I, ugh, what was the question?"
"Kiss me!" Megumi suddenly said, standing up and causing the chair to topple backwards and crash against the floor. None of them notice.
It's the sake! It's the sake! Megumi thought with mounting horror. It was like watching herself do and say all those ridiculous things and no matter how hard she tried to take control of the situation, the stupid sake prevented her from taking over. Oh no! Oh no! The rational part of her was internally panicking.
"What?" Kenshin was staring at her with wide eyes screaming ORRROOOOO! But he wasn't able to voice it out because before he could say anything more, she had launched herself at him and she might have started to gain weight or Kenshin was totally caught off guard because they both fell on the floor, with her sprawled on top of him.
"I said kiss me!" Megumi insisted and somewhere at the back of her head was a pulse-point that was starting to pound. Everything seemed to be rushing in and out of her head. Every squalid detail of the week was pounding on her and all she could remember clearly was telling Kaoru and Megumi that it was ok to kiss. Physical connection. Or attraction. Or… desperation…
Kenshin tried to push Megumi away. This was getting really scary. He had never seen Megumi act this way before. Well, he hadn't seen Megumi chugged down a whole jug of sake either. But it's effect on her was so sudden… he hadn't been expecting this at all. He opened his mouth, trying to decide how to make Megumi understand that this was exactly why she should not be drinking this early but all that his brain can come up with was the incredibly insipid, "But… but why?"
Oh they were doomed!
"I want to know!" Megumi said sniffing again. She felt Kenshin pushing her up and thankfully, her body was obeying. Maybe there was hope for her.
"Know what?" Kenshin asked, helping Megumi sit up and not slump down against the wall. She seemed really tired and his heart went out to her.
Megumi's eyes became watery again as she thought of being all alone while everyone had their happily ever after. If Kami was trying to show her how wrong it was to manipulate people's feeling, then she was clearly getting the point and this was a lesson that she will never forget. She looked at Kenshin and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She felt clumsy and young all of a sudden and memories of her youth only made her feel more alone. She didn't want to end up alone. "If I can love you as I love Sano, because I don't think I'd be able to take it if I live alone and it'll be all my fault because I wanted to manipulate people's feelings! I'm done talking. I don't want to wait for Sano to apologize to me! I don't need his apology! Kiss me Kenshin!" She tilted her head up and inched closer.
Oh this day that would forever live in infamy in her memory!
"Megumi-dono are you..." Kenshin asked panicked. Megumi had pressed her body against him and he had his arm wrapped around her waist to prevent her from pushing him on the floor again, but that wasn't what made his blood turn cold. It was the sound of footsteps and the sound of sliding doors and the sound of a small gasp and the feel of cold eyes on him and worse… the scent of jasmine that wafted inside the room…it was too late. He turned his head and felt Megumi's wet sloppy kiss at the base of his neck.
"Hmmmppppeddd" Megumi muttered, wondering why Kenshin's lips was all bony. She knew that Kenshin had not been properly fed by Tanuki… but this was just ridiculous!
"What the heck is going on here?!" Sano's voice echoed inside the room, bouncing back and forth on every wall, every four corned and Kenshin could feel his heart sinking on his stomach and this time, when he wished that the floor opened up and swallow him forever, he really did mean it this time.
"Sano!" She heard Kenshin exclaimed. She felt the name vibrate inside her and that struck a chord. She turned her head and with hazy eyes took in the sight of four people standing by the door looking at her like she and Kenshin had grown three heads. She watched as the jug of sake rolled towards Sano's feet and then she immediately realized the full impact of what she had done. And for some reason, the numbing effects of sake evaporated and left her. She was back. In control and totally in big trouble.
Oh fuck.
She couldn't quite look at the stricken expression on Sano's face, so she turned her head and found Kaoru's blue eyes…
Megumi swallowed hard, she turned to look at Kenshin, whose face was a freaky mix of flushed red and chalky white paleness. "And Tanuki…" she mumbled quietly,
That got Kenshin's attention. He turned to look at her and found her hazel eyes round and he could see traces of guilt and pain and fear in them and it took him a while to realize that his own eyes were reflected there. Doubling up the mixed mirrored expressions that they shared.
She gave him a weak smile, filled with apology, "boy oh boy, we are in so much trouble aren't we, Kenshin?"
Kenshin couldn't agree more.
___
End Chapter 16
Author's note: Am I going to be assassinated? Because if I am, please don't tell me. I'd rather be taken by surprise. And make it quick and painful ok.
That's chapter 16. Crazy and well… ugh… I don't know what else to call it. Crazy covers it up quite nicely, doesn't it? It's a long chapter, I know. 30 pages in MS Word. I'd like to thank you for getting this far. Now for any C&C's, or most likely flames, please don't hesitate to leave a review. I'll try to be brave for the flames that would be coming my way. Just tell me anything that you want. I'll appreciate it.
Next chapter: Chapter 17 - Scheming Tactics. Sano and Megumi finally get the chance to be alone, locked in a room together. Will murder take place? Or maybe even sex? Ah, well… I'm still deciding on it.
I guess that would be all for now. I really hope you guys would still be here for the next update. See you all, hopefully, soon!
Yuki