Disclaimer: See Chapter One.
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.
Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
Chapter Two
Three Days ago...
"A dinosaur! It's on a rampage!"
Terrified shouts and warnings spread across the isolated village. Formerly, one of the Ox Kingdom's outer holdings, the township had escaped the wrath of the Ox King through its remoteness: that is, the former vassals had escaped until now.
"Lordy, there's a girl on that there Tyrannosaurus' back!"
"Good gracious, is she commanding that monster!?!"
Chi Chi, former heir to the Ox Kingdom, had brought one of her pets to keep the villagers in line. Admittedly, after the capital's fall, many of her father's holdings had attempted to break free. The majority, however, had been cowed by a simple message: pay tribute or feel the Ox King's wrath. Only a select few had attempted to guard their independence; the village of Cohrtor, on the edge of what had once been their territory was the most outspoken of these. Thus, Cohrtor's citizens would be the first to test the fruits of the Ox princess' training.
As Fido -- her pet Tyrannosaurus Rex -- tore through the walls of another guard tower, Chi Chi smirked. No one could oppose the might of the Ox Kingdom! Then, a strange sight caused her smile to falter. In the center of the village, a teenager, clad in yellow and black, while carrying a large pack, stood, entirely unconcerned by her presence. In fact, he was going so far as to pretend to look at a map, in order to mock her further. How dare he!?!
"Fido! Do you see that boy over there?" she pointed in the bandanna-clad youth's direction. "The boy carrying the bamboo umbrella: I want you to teach him some respect for royalty!" Obediently, the gargantuan carnivore sprinted at the insulting youth, claws extended.
"Hey you there, look out!" a villager called out to the stranger.
"Run y'dang fool!"
The boy heard the warning and turned to face the approaching dinosaur. Calmly, he grabbed his umbrella, pointing it in the direction of the approaching monster. As the T-rex descended upon him with teeth and claws bared, the teen simply blocked each of the lizard's swipes. Then, ending the battle, he unleashed a potent strike at the creature's midsection, knocking it out with a single blow.
"Hoo-eee!"
"Jus' Amazin'"
The villagers began to approach the stranger enthusiastically. The boy appeared, perhaps, overly serious, but he'd just saved their village from annihilation.
"D'you do them martial arts?"
One young, female voice, however, rose above all the rest. "Who are you and why do you oppose the will of the Ox Kingdom?"
From atop her pet, Chi Chi leapt, somersaulting to land in a battle crouch before the boy. The jewel in her magical helmet glowed blood-red, as she unsheathed a katana, which she gripped in her left hand. "You had best hope I like your answer."
"I'm Ryouga Hibiki, and I don't care about the Ox Kingdom. I'm looking Nerima."
Holding up a map for the fourteen year-old princess, the boy said darkly, "I have business there."
"Hmph! Let me see that!" Chi Chi replied snatching the piece of paper. Then her eyes widened noticeably. "This is... this is... Tokyo? That's almost a thousand miles west of here!"
Retrieving his map, Ryouga bowed his head in thanks. "I see. Forgive the commotion." Then, the boy began a long walk to his destination: particularly long because he was traveling east. "Soon, Saotome, I will revenge myself upon you. For making my life Hell, Ranma, I will destroy your happiness."
A villager idly asked his fellows, "D'y'all reckon the kid's lost?" They simply nodded.
Chi Chi had far graver ruminations disturbing her. "To defeat Fido so effortlessly, that man must possess impossible strength! I must inform father immediately!" As the Ox princess leapt through the trees, her thoughts moved onto a different track for a moment. "He was pretty cute too. I wonder if I'll ever see him again..."
-o- -o- -o-
"School !?!"
Goku smiled ecstatically, as he heard the news of his imminent education.
"Yes, boy. I've signed you and Ranma up at Furinkan High, the local high school." Mr. Saotome was sitting in a meditative posture across from his two pupils. Each appeared surprised by his news, though the character of their moods differed significantly. Rather than cheerful, Ranma looked rather dubious.
"I don't know about this, pop. I'm pretty sure Goku's too young." Then, his expression turning to a cocky smirk, the teenager added, "Besides, I don't see how no school's gonna help me with the art!"
"Show some respect for your father's abilities, boy!" Genma snapped. "The school has a policy about wandering martial artists already. Any elite practitioner of the art may enter as a freshman!"
The heir to the Saotome school easily ignored his father's imperious stare. However, Nabiki's additions to the conversation were not so simple to dismiss.
"He's telling the truth, brother-in-law." Ranma flinched noticeably. "It's the same school me and Akane go to. We'll see you there!"
The sound of hurried footsteps was heard suddenly from down the hall. "Nabiki, wait! I'll go with you!" Akane yelled to her sister.
Nabiki turned an emotionless gaze on her younger sibling. "What are you talking about? Ranma is your fiancé, remember? You should walk him to school." Then, smiling devilishly, she added, "I'll even take the kid. After all, I'm sure you two love birds would love to get acquainted." The emphasis on her last word made perfectly clear the fact that getting acquainted would involve far more intimate things than words.
Both Akane and Ranma flushed a dark red at Nabiki's implication, stuttering out a few vehement denials. Each then noticed the presence of the other and began trading glares, while Goku let out a loud whoop.
"D'you really mean it Nabiki?" The older girl nodded, a tad befuddled. "That's awesome! You're the best, Nabiki! You're so nice and smart and cool and great and fun and-"
Nabiki was starting to get embarrassed at the younger boy's enthusiasm. "Geez, kid. Just settle down. I don't see what the big deal is about walking with me."
The middle Tendo daughter calmly strode out of the room and towards Furinkan High. Masking her expression, Nabiki entered "ice queen" mode, in preparation for her day. She had debts to collect and idiots to con; Nabiki needed to look intelligent, intimidating and in control. "Darn it, Goku! If you're going to hold my hand, at least try not to skip or do somersaults! I've got an image to maintain!"
"I'm sorry, Nabiki." The youth stopped hopping around and started smiling like an idiot. "Is this better?"
The brunette looked at her companion and let out a large sigh. The kid was smiling in that way that said, "Hey, I'm a naive kid who a drugged monkey could con." Wearily, she replied, "Sure, Goku. You look really sharp." It was going to be a long day.
Meanwhile, the pair chosen to unite the Tendo and Saotome schools of Anything Goes Martial Arts were experiencing their own interpersonal difficulties. Akane and Ranma walked silently -- the former occupying the ground, while the latter strolled atop a metal fence. Thus far in their walk, the erstwhile fiancés had pointedly ignored one another; this, however, was about to change.
"We're not getting married, you know!" Akane snapped.
"You're tellin' me?" her fiancé replied idly.
She continued, utterly ignoring Ranma: "So don't hang around me in school!"
"Don't worry! I can't stand macho chicks like you!"
Admittedly, Saotomes have never been known for their perceptiveness, however, even for Ranma, provocation of Akane Tendo was unusually foolhardy in his current circumstances. The teenage girl hefted the suitcase where she carried her school books, as if to throw it, and growled. That boy was going to learn a lesson about calling her names. She'd teach that jer-
Pow! Approaching in an instant from behind Ranma, Mr. Saotome floored his son with a sharp blow to the head.
"Pop! What're you-"
"You're in no position to be choosy about women! Listen Ranma! I'll tell you only once-"
A quick trip into the river silenced Genma. Leaning over the river, the younger Saotome mocked his father. "What's wrong pop? Weren't you going to say something?" Then, Ranma noticed something strange. His father's panda form wasn't attacking; in fact, it wasn't responding at all. The panda's image vanished and Ranma knew he was in trouble.
Heh heh! You're wide open, boy!
From behind his son, Genma plowed the sign he'd been holding up into the teenager's skull, sending the boy reeling. A following kick then proceeded to knock the youthful martial artist off the fence. The move proved an error on the father's part, however, as Ranma used the few seconds to recover and, performing a midair flip, the heir to the Saotome style landed in a ready stance.
"Geez pop, that was dumb, even for you. When're ya gonna teach me that zanzoken thing anyway?"
Perhaps, boy, when you learn to defend yourself like a real man!
"Ah c'mon! I dodged that no sweat. You can't touch me. old man!"
Maybe not, but that bucket can!
At that moment, a pail of water Genma had lobbed in the air earlier landed on Ranma's head, triggering his curse and blinding him momentarily. When the heir to Saotome Anything Goes managed to lift the bucket off his head, the only remaining trace of his father was one of the panda's characteristic wooden signs lodged in the fence.
Be a man, boy! Go kiss your fiancé!
"Yeah! Thanks for helping me be a man, pop!" Ranma stared down at his now female form. "And as fer kissi-"
"If you even try, Ranma, I'll kill you!" Akane interrupted, making her viewpoint clear.
"Ah, just put a sock in it! I'm goin' ta take a bath!"
Watching as her fiancé tried vainly to tighten her pants, Akane commented with considerable annoyance, "You'll be late."
"Think I wanna start school as a girl?"
The youngest Tendo simply replied, "But if we just pour hot water on you, you'll turn back, right?"
Ranma nodded. "Sure, but-"
"Good. We can just go see Dr. Tofu. His clinic is only a few blocks away." Grabbing her fiancé by the arm, Akane dragged the redhead to her family doctor's clinic.
Moments later, Ranma was standing outside the clinic, in front of a sign which read Moxibustion, Acupressure, Acupuncture, as Akane went to fetch some warm water from Dr. Tofu's secretary. The heir to the Saotome school of martial arts leaned idly against the sign, sighing.
"Hoooo boy. What a way to start the-"
The touch of a bony hand broke Ranma from his reverie. Turning to see who had placed a hand on her shoulder, preparing for everything from Akane to perverts, the martial artist was still stunned by the specter that confronted her: a skeletal figure, quite literally. Eyes widening, the redhead leaped eight feet in the air to land upon the top of the sign. That was when she noticed a man who held the skeleton's forearms.
"Oh. Pardon me." The handsome man looked at Ranma apologetically through his glasses and flashed a reassuring smile. "Nothing to worry about dear! This is just Betty, my skeleton."
Crouching down to stare at the stranger, the teenager was silent, inwardly thinking, "Jeez... What sort of cook runs around with a skeleton? This town sure is weird." Ranma then hopped off Dr. Tofu's sign, landing deftly on the ground in front of the unusual man.
"Ranma, here's the hot..." Akane trailed off, as she spotted, not just her fiancé, but Dr. Tofu as well. "Oh! Doctor! Um... Good morning!"
As Akane bowed, Tofu mimicked her movements with his skeleton prop, Betty, replying, "Good morning to you too!" Neither noticed Ranma, who Akane inadvertently planted the doctor's kettle on, in her stupor.
Curious at Akane's behavior, Ranma glanced at his fiancé. "She's blushing," the martial artist thought to himself. Then, after moving around a nearby corner and regaining his proper gender, the teenager continued his ruminations: "This is very interesting."
"You haven't been by lately," the doctor remarked. "No new injuries?"
"No sir. I mean... I haven't been doing anything that would..."
A scant few moments later, the heirs to Anything Goes martial arts found themselves sprinting side by side to Furinkan High. From atop the fence, Ranma asked his fiancé a question: "Who was that guy?"
"Dr. Tofu, the chiropractor."
"Martial arts master too, isn't he?"
"Huh? How could you tell?"
Ranma's response was silent, but his contemplation was no less thoughtful for his quietude. "Sneaking up on me that way... He erased all sense of his presence. Obviously a competent ki wielder: better try to stay on his good side."
"True, he's very good. But he doesn't look like he'd be, does he? Ever since I was little, he's taken care of my injuries."
Hopping down from his place on the fence, Ranma idly inquired, "So... Isn't he a man?"
"Yes. So?"
"I thought you said you hate men!"
A dark, brooding silence seemed to take Akane, as she contemplated Ranma's statement. Then she saw her high school, recalling the dozen of fights, since Kuno's proclamation. "That's right! I... despise..."
A horde of boys poured out of the school gates, wielding boxing gloves, baseball bats, bokkens and a plethora of other weapons. "Akane Tendo's here!"
"... Men!" the heir to the Tendo school screamed, glaring at the massed, teenage boys.
Ranma looked on in confusion. Why were all those guys charging Akane? "Huh?"
"Akane! Don't come any closer! They all want to beat you!"
As Ranma leapt to the top of the school's fence, out of harm's way, Akane charged into the heart of her schoolmates' disorganized formation. Her battle cry of "Out of my way! I'm late!" could be heard all across the school yard.
"Wait!" A pair of punches accompanied a potent kick, disabling a trio of foes. "No Akane!" A pair of kendoists fell to a chop and a snap kick. "I won't let another guy beat you!" The elite martial artist spun in a circle, delivering a whirlwind of kicks. "I'll do it myself!" The last voices of the horde subsided, as Akane unleashed an unrestrained fury of attacks. Ranma, simply looked on in wonderment. He could have pulled that off with no problem, and probably in half the time, but to see a girl beat up guys was antithetical to the mind set Genma had drilled into him from day one of his training. Girls were supposed to need protecting; they were weak. Why were all those guys after Akane, anyway? How'd a chick who was so macho attract so many guys? He sure as hell wasn't interested in her!
Above, on the school's balcony, Nabiki was standing with Goku and her usual associates, watching the spectacle. "Your poor sister, every single day." one of the girls commented sadly.
The Tendo's Saiyajin guest, to set a contrast, was jumping up and down excitedly and cheering. "Wow! That looks like fun!" Suddenly, Goku had a thought. Furrowing his brow in concentration, the pint sized powerhouse lightly pulled on Nabiki's dress, hoping to get her attention. "Nabiki, do you think Akane would mind if I trained with her in the morning too? I mean she's pretty good and..." Goku trailed off, looking up at his friend with hopeful eyes.
The seventeen year-old girl simply stared incredulously at her companion for a moment. "He actually thinks that they're doing it for training! This has got to be some kind of joke!" Nabiki contemplated the knowledge she had regarding Son Goku so far and analyzed his expression. From anyone else, she'd be certain that she was being mocked, but this was 'I make rocks look perceptive' Son Goku. The kid was serious.
Struggling not to laugh, while glaring at those of her schoolmates who had failed to stifle their own giggles, Nabiki gave Goku as close to a caring look as she was able, practically puking at the effort. "No, Goku. I don't think Akane would appreciate that. She already has so many sparring partners, after all."
"Ah! That's no fair! Why does she get all the fun!"
Even Nabiki could not control the urge to face fault at Goku's response.
Meanwhile, Akane had finally finished her massacre of the school's male population and was breathing heavily. A few droplets of sweat dripped down her face, as she tried to rearrange her long, black hair. "For Pete's sake! Every morning! What a drag!"
"Truly. Such a boorish lot." An aristocratic voice drew both Ranma and Akane's attention, causing them to focus on its point of origination: a handsome man in kendo garb with a rose pressed to his lips and a bokken in his right hand.
"Evidently, each of them intends to ask you out Akane... on the dawn that he finally defeats you."
"Oh. Upperclassman. Good morning." Akane sighed, her uninterest in the new arrival's antics palpable.
"And now... Akane Tendo..." the young man flipped his rose into Akane's open hand. "...might you fight with me?"
Finishing his question, the kendoist bared his bokken, as thunder rumbled ominously in the background. The youngest Tendo simply sweat dropped, her annoyance growing.
Ranma leapt down to his fiancé's side from the fence, landing beside her. "Man. You're popular, aren't you?"
"Stay out of the way. You'll get hurt."
"What's going on?"
"You'll see."
Suddenly, Akane's challenger pointed his bokken at Ranma, as another crash of thunder resounded throughout the school yard.
"You there! You are being quite familiar with Akane!"
"Hm?" Ranma looked over to his intended. "Tell him Akane. Akane?"
"Tell him what?" The youngest Tendo pointedly ignored Ranma, staring off into the sky in a haughty fashion.
"Who are you boor?" the bokken wielding teenager yelled. "Ah! But it is the custom to give one's own name first! Fine hen! Mine I shall give!"
"Huh?" Ranma looked back to his challenger. Then gesturing with his hand, while sweat dropping at his foe's melodrama, the heir to the Saotome school replied, "If you want..."
"My name... is Upperclassman Kuno. Junior Group E. Captain of the kendo club. Undefeated new star of the high school fencing world. But my peers call me... the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!" A blaze of lightning flashed through the sky behind Kuno, momentarily brightening the pitch black sky.
"Wow! What a cool name!" Goku enthused.
Beside him, the other girls observing the confrontation were somewhat more flippant; they were used to Kuno's dramatic speeches and quirky names.
"Blue Thunder?"
"I thought he was calling himself the Shooting Star."
"It's news to me."
Another idea striking, Goku, the tailed youth hopped down from the balcony effortlessly, landing beside Kuno. Mirroring the Upperclassman's pose, the younger martial artist declared, "I am the Orange Thunder of Furinkan High!" Lightning flashed behind him, as well, setting an intimidating tone to the declaration, which was abruptly ruined, as Goku began somersaulting and back flipping all over the place with a big smile. "Wow! I sounded so cool!"
Ranma, Akane and Kuno all developed large sweat drops from the young Saiyajin's antics, while Nabiki sighed wearily; The Blue Thunder was the first to recover.
"You dare to mock Tatewaki Kuno, knave!"
"Yipee! Yee hah! I'm the Orange Thunder! Yay!" Goku continued to ignore his new adversary.
"Fine then, coward! Have at thee!"
The blade of the Blue Thunder blazed towards Goku, as Kuno charged. Furinkan's premier kendoist snapped his weapon towards his foes head in a downward blow known to obliterate concrete; Goku dodged with a back flip at the last possible moment.
"Wow! You're pretty good! D'you wanna spar?"
Smirking, as he crouched downwards, Tatewaki prepared a second strike. "To spar is not my desire, foul one. I wish your utter defeat!"
Lightning continued to flash all around the school yard turned battle ground, the entire school arranging itself to view the coming combat.
"Hey somebody's taking on Kuno!"
"That little runt? Kuno'll eat him alive!"
Raising his bokken for an attack, Kuno yelled, "Now it ends!"
Moving forward in a blur of motion, Tatewaki fired his weapon towards Goku. The Saiyajin momentarily considered dodging, but decided to test his foe's strength instead. In reply, the Anything Goes student unleashed his full strength, meeting the blade with his fist.
"Hyaaah!"
Fist and blade met with a crash, momentarily overshadowing even the nearby thunder. As both combatants pushed at one another desperately, the battle ended in a draw... almost. A sharp snap marked the end of Kuno's bokken, as the wooden blade was broken into pieces by the force of the combat.
Sweating and breathing raggedly, Kuno eyed the pieces of his bokken, then angrily glared at his opponent. The boy was not even winded from their battle, smiling without care and hopping up and down in anticipation on his... tail!?!"
"Monster! Spawn of the darkest Hells, you challenge me with your unholy powers and those of your master, this man." Kuno pointed at Ranma with a splinter of his bokken.
"Hey! Whaddya blamin' me for?" Ranma asked angrily.
"Do not attempt to fool me, for I see clearly now! Akane has long rejected my advances because of your foul sorceries! Now hoping to defeat me, you summon this hell spawn in human form! Do not fear, Akane Tendo! I will free you from your torment!" Unsheathing another bokken, Kuno this time assaulted Ranma. "I must finish you quickly, so that you cannot summon your demonic ally! Strike, strike, strike!"
A veritable swarm of blows flew towards Ranma from Kuno's bokken. Dodging with effort, as a result of his back pack slowing him down, the Anything Goes practitioner thought to himself, "Darn, if it wasn't for this back pack, I could take him no sweat, but with it... I'm going to have to try something tricky. I know! It's risky, but, if it works, he's done."
Kuno's blows did not slacken. The kendoist had trained so that he could continue such torrid movements as those involved in his premier technique for many minutes. "I have you!" Kuno declared. Then, his opponent began to grow.
"Kuno!" a massive head of Ranma declared. "You can't win!"
If Tatewaki had continued his assault, he may have yet emerged victorious. Expanding one's battle aura to create projections was a tiring skill and one Ranma had never attempted successfully before. A few strong blows might have shaken his concentration enough to dispel the illusion. However, the proportions of Ranma's head expanded so readily that Kuno froze in terror. His fear was so great that he never even noticed the blurred touches on his forehead, or the panda who bowled him over, as rain began to pour down upon the school yard. The panda wrapped two paws against both Ranma and Goku before anyone could see the changes wrought on their bodies and headed for the gym's equipment shed.
Those on the balcony were stunned by the wild animal's prowess. "Man, that panda's good!"
Akane simply stared at Mr. Saotome's departure and then followed him. That move of Ranma's was something she'd only heard of in old legends. Between that and the move Mr. Saotome had used to trick his son in their earlier battle, it was no wonder she had been defeated. The two of them and Goku were like something out of a manga.
Tatewaki Kuno lay prone on the ground, mumbling about the proofs of sorcery and monsters, or some such, but no one paid him any heed; incomprehensible, semiconscious rants were ordinary for Furinkan's premier kendoist.
-o- -o- -o-
"Dang it!" Ranma cursed. As his father, in panda form, stood by, watching, the heir to the Saotome style began wringing the water out of her pants; Goku did the same beside her. "I can't believe that took so long. If it wasn't for that dumb knapsack and the rain..."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Akane interrupted, climbing through the shed's window.
"Whaddya mean?"
The youngest of the Tendo daughters pointed to Ranma's clothes. "Look there."
Ranma did so. "Huh! What? He tore my shirt to shreds, but he didn't even touch me!" Mr. Saotome poured hot water on Ranma, returning him to his male form.
"If any of those strikes had hit, you'd be short a few body parts! You were lucky you had that weird technique to use on him!"
Ranma looked up to his fiancé idly. "Don't be ridiculous! That move almost lost me the fight!"
True boy, Genma interjected with a sign. You were just lucky!
"Hmph! Well at least I got one good shot in, and it was a doozy."
"Liar! You never hit him at all!"
"Jeez! Just because you're too slow to see my moves doesn't mean you have to call me a liar you macho chick!"
"Too slow! Hmph!" Akane stormed off to class, leaving her fiancé and house guest to find their class alone. The problem was that they had no idea where to find their room.
-o- -o- -o-
"I'm not surprised that you don't remember being touched. That thing Ranma did with his head was fairly frightening. He probably scared you witless."
Kuno did not even deign to look at Nabiki, preferring to observe his visage in a hand held mirror. A grimace was present in his expression, resulting from the word 'bufoon' clearly spelt on his forehead. "So the sorceror leaves his mark! But, verily, the legions of Hell are illiterate. Buffoon is spelt in this fashion!"
As Kuno wrote boofun on the chalkboard, Nabiki printed the correct spelling under the kendoist's own misspelling. "Nope! This is how you spell it!"
"I despise you, Nabiki Tendo!"
"I'm so glad."
Abruptly, a ruckus could be heard at the classroom's door. "I don't know, Goku. I can't see Akane anywhere. Hey! Isn't that Kuno over there. He's not supposed to be in our class!"
Hearing his name, the champion kendoist turned, catching sight of Ranma and Goku. "So sorceror, you return for a second combat! Know that I will not be as easy on you as before!"
"Easy, buddy! You're lucky I went so easy on you!"
"Do not jest, sorceror. I have learned your name, Ranma Saotome, from the mercenary, Nabiki Tendo. I have also learned your purpose." Raising his bokken, in preparation for battle, Kuno continued, "I will never permit your engagement to Akane!"
The entire room went silent. Then whispers began, which grew to mutterings and, finally, a clamor heard throughout the entirety of the school:
"Engagement?"
"I thought Akane hated boys!"
"Only one day in Nerima, and he's already got Akane. Man, does that guy ever work fast!"
"How romantic!"
"You think he'll tell us what she's like in bed?"
"Man, I hope so."
Ranma had switched from combat mode to denial. "No, no! It ain't nothin' like that! Our parents decided! We never-"
"And now, sorceror, I visit upon you the full might of Tatewaki Kuno!"
Ranma fled. "This ain't no place to fight! Follow me!"
"That I shall!"
The pair of martial artists sprinted down the hallways of Furinkan High. Closely following them came Son Goku, eager to watch the match and, after him, half the school was running. Among these students was one very angry Akane Tendo.
"How dare he!?! I knew that idiot was a pervert! Telling the whole school that we've had twenty kids! Well, I'll teach him!"
Others possessed less violent and more excited viewpoints.
"This is great!"
"I hear the winner gets Akane!"
A teacher yelled at the students, reminding them that running was not permitted in the halls. The aforementioned educator was entirely ignored.
Leaping out a window, Ranma yelled back to Kuno, "Let's take this outside. Follow me!"
Brandishing his bokken, Tatewaki jumped right after the Anything Goes martial artist, closely followed by Goku. "Fear not!"
A nearby teacher screamed, "Hey! This is the third floor!"
As Kuno floundered in the air, Ranma replied easily, "No sweat I'm-" Then he saw the giant swimming pool below him.
"You idiot!" Akane said.
Beside her, Akane's classmates, Hiroshi and Daisuke, commented on the situation as well.
"Boy. Lucky there's a pool there."
"Yeah. Lucky."
"Lucky he says!" Ranma yelled in frustration, as he struck the pool, triggering his change.
Kuno was the first to surface. Face down, he was lying in the pool, comatose.
"But what happened to the other two?"
Under the water, 'the other two' were swimming away desperately, making sure to remain underwater. Unfortunately, for his chances of escape, Ranma noticed Kuno's apparently drowned body above him. "As much as I don't like the guy, he doesn't deserve to drown," Saotome thought to himself, as he began dragging Kuno towards the edge of the pool. That was when matters began to spiral out of control; Tatewaki Kuno woke up.
"Ranma Saotome! I fight on!" The Blue Thunder declared, wrapping his arms around Ranma's chest.
"Let... me... go!"
Suddenly, Kuno found his hand clutching something that no man should have. Even if Saotome was a dark sorceror, such a bountiful breast could not belong to him. He was quite certainly male. The bokken master's discovery stunned him momentarily, giving Ranma just enough leverage to wrap her arms around his head.
Releasing a cry of "Pervert!" Ranma bashed the kendoist into the pool deck, using the momentum from the impact to catapult his female form out of sight before anyone could get a clear look at her. As she somersaulted out of the yard, however, her appearance did not escape the students' notice entirely.
"Ranma's body... didn't it look a little smaller all around?"
"Must've been some sort of illusion."
None of her schoolmates noticed Akane, as the female martial artist sprinted down the stairs. Grabbing a kettle on her way out, Akane reflected that Ranma might be a jerk and pervert, but he was at least an honorable jerk and pervert: his attempt to save Kuno had proved that.
Tatewaki Kuno was slowly getting up from the pool deck, as Akane ran by. He would have liked to follow her, but, at the moment, he was still straightening out his thoughts. He had certainly felt a girl, not Saotome. Where then had the dark wizard gone? That was when the Blue Thunder noticed Goku slowly climbing out of the pool. The water had flattened the boy's hair and his tail was no longer present, but he was still recognizable. Perhaps, if he could not smite the sorceror himself, he could still destroy Saotome's familiar.
Pulling out his third bokken for that day, Kuno challenged Goku: "So devil spawn, thine keeper hast fled. Now thou art helpless against the might of Kuno."
The elite kendoist charged and decided to start off with his strongest attack -- the one even Saotome had barely escaped -- this time. "Strike, strike, strike!" The flurry of blows penetrated the Anything Goes practitioner's hastily prepared defenses, driving him against the school wall, which he crashed through, finding himself in a classroom.
Now, something should be understood about Son Goku. Under any normal circumstances, the carefree Saiyajin is more than a match for Kuno; he rivals Ranma's prowess despite only three years of real training in the Anything Goes style. The preadolescent picks up techniques at a phenomenal rate, is barely bruised by gun shots and has ki power beyond what should be possible at the age of fourteen.
However, at Jusenkyo, Son Goku waded into the Spring of Drowned Man. Originally, the Saotomes and Ryouga were relieved at this apparent stroke of luck, but they quickly discovered something strange about Goku's cursed form. Whereas he should have been essentially unaffected, the ordinarily tailed martial artist lost all his irregularities: his hair became normal, his tail disappeared, his eyes changed to a light blue hue and, worst of all, his martial arts abilities were nearly halved. Eventually, Goku had learned to walk without his tail, but the forty percent of his ki reserves that vanished proved impossible to retain in cursed form. Ultimately, everyone agreed that the boy had perhaps fallen into the Spring of Drowned perfectly ordinary man, or something of that sort and declared their youngest member lucky to get off with such an unexceptional curse. He remained strong enough to devastate even a first or second Dan level martial artist, which was generally good enough. In fact, he was just about as strong as Tatewaki Kuno in this form, if just a little bit less technically proficient.
Unfortunately, when fighting Tatewaki Kuno, therefore, Goku was at a slight disadvantage. All else being equal, the kendo master should defeat his foe, particularly after such a devastating opening blow. Like Ranma, Goku thrived on impossible battles. Dropping into a stance, the Anything Goes practitioner grinned widely. This would be fun!
Meanwhile, Ranma Saotome was, for the second time that day, wringing water out of her pants. Sitting on one of the higher tree branches in the highest tree in Furinkan High's school yard, the boy-turned-girl was scowling. "What a pervert. I mean, he didn't have to squeeze that hard! Feh! Well I guess now he knows about me."
"You fool!" Akane stood below the tree in her school uniform, both hands behind her back.
"Akane? What-"
"Just how dumb can you be? I mean, jumping into a pool of your own free will!"
"Shut up, you!" Ranma replied, sticking out his tongue at Akane. If she had just come here to insult her, Ranma would be happy to reciprocate. "Nyah! Nyah!"
"Hmph!" Akane reached behind her and held out a steaming kettle. "Oh well. Then I guess you won't mid if I throw this hot water away."
"No! Bring it here, Akane!"
The sound of footsteps slogging through the drenched undergrowth could be hear approaching. Strangely, the steps were not coming from the school, but moving towards the school grounds. Accompanying the footsteps came an obviously depressed rant. "Curse you, Ranma! How dare you purposely give me the wrong directions!?! When I find you..."
From behind a particularly large tree, the ranting figure emerged. Possessing clearly feminine curves and long, lush, blonde hair, the young woman was extremely beautiful. However, the boyish, yellow and black striped clothes and scowl on her face marred otherwise lovely features. Her constant ranting was not analogous to the traditional image of the perfect Japanese woman either.
Ranma immediately recognized his fellow Anything Goes student, even in her girl form. "Hey, Ryouga! How ya doin'?"
The eternally lost girl looked around, searching for the source of the voice and drew a blank. There was a fairly pretty girl near him, but she certainly wasn't Ranma. Eventually, the bandanna-clad girl sighed and began walking away again. "Darn you, Saotome! Now I'm even hearing your voice in my head! Truly Ranma, you have made my life Hell!"
Throughout the blonde haired girl's rant, Akane had been getting progressively more frustrated with Ranma. Her fiancé had obviously done something horrible to this young woman for her to follow the pigtailed martial artist so far. Most likely, he'd committed some horrible perversion or theft and, rather than making it up to the girl, Ranma planned on just hiding out in a tree! That coward!
"You sullied my honor, Saotome! What you put my mind and body through, no one deserves! When I find you, Ranma, your time will have come!"
For Akane Tendo, those last words sealed her fiancé's fate. From the horrible trials this woman described, it was beginning to sound like Ranma had done the unthinkable, taking advantage of the poor, defenseless girl.
Unsure whether the new arrival knew about Ranma's girl form, Akane threw her fiancé the kettle she'd been holding. Then, after he poured the boiling water on, now, himself, she pointed to the tree branch and yelled, "Look! It's Ranma Saotome!"
In the briefest of instants, Ryouga's head snapped towards the branch where Ranma was standing. A dark smile lit up his face. "So that's where you're hiding, Ranma! Prepare to die!"
Springing to twenty feet in a single bound, Ryouga landed beside Ranma on the branch. "Jeez, Ryouga! What's your problem," the pigtailed martial artist asked with a groan.
"My problem, Saotome, is that you're still alive!" Admittedly, such threats were far more intimidating when you weren't insufferably cute and six inches shorter than you opponent, but it's the thought that counts. "Take this!"
In a blur of motion, Ryouga whipped out her umbrella, stabbing towards her opponent viciously. Ranma barely managed to dodge. When both of them were in male form, Ryouga was stronger than Ranma and had more endurance, but the heir to Anything Goes always possessed more speed. He had become accustomed to this speed advantage. The problem was that, while Ryouga's girl form was significantly weaker than he was naturally, the lost boy's speed was cranked up to a level Ranma couldn't equal. The pigtailed martial artist was unused to fighting with a speed disadvantage. The reversal of their relative abilities might help him, but he could just as easily make a stupid error. If he wanted victory, Ranma needed his girl form back.
"Catch ya later, Ryouga," Ranma cheekily remarked, leaping over Hibiki's head and towards the school.
"Darn you, Ranma! You won't escape so easily!" Ryouga spun around and gave chase, making certain that his rival was in sight at all times.
As the duo approached the school, Ranma suddenly catapulted further ahead of his pursuit, blurring at speeds beyond normal vision to reach the swimming pool. He touched cold water and felt the change take place. Finally, he straightened, staring at his opponent.
That was exactly the moment when Goku crashed through the wall a second time, landing outside, and high on bliss from the great fight he was having. "This is awesome!" The Saiyajin turned human crashed into Ryouga, knocking the older girl over.
"Hey, Goku! Can you get out of the way? I need to teach Ranma a lesson about lying!"
Hopping off of his friend, Goku replied, "Sure!"
Then Kuno reappeared, climbing through the hole in the wall Goku's body had just made. "Your time appears to be at an end, devil spawn, for none can defeat the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!"
All around the quartet of fighters, as well as the newly arrived Akane, a crowd was forming. The student body loved martial arts battles! A five way battle would be awesome and the two new chicks were seriously cute.
"Ranma! It is time we settled this!" Ryouga yelled, pulling a handful of bandannas off her head. "Nothing will stop me from destroying your happiness in this man to man fight!"
From the front of the crowd both Hiroshi and Daisuke blinked in confusion.
"Hey, Hiroshi, doesn't a man to man fight normally involve men."
"Hmmmm... a good point, Daisuke, my friend. They may be cross dressers, but their assets are quite obvious," Hiroshi replied, staring at the chests of the two girls.
"I suppose we should blame the loss of traditional male and female roles for their gender confusion."
"Yes, Daisuke, my friend, truly such confusions are a sad thing, particularly in such beautiful girls."
"Well said, Hiroshi."
"Thank you, Daisuke."
The pair's eyes riveted on the ensuing battle once more. Tensions were reaching the breaking point. The battle could not be delayed for long. From the back of the crowd, Genma, in panda form, waved a large, wooden sign. Hurry up, boy! It's almost lunch!
The battle was joined.
End Chapter Two
Author Notes: That was definitely a cliffhanger. I must say that this chapter was a joy to write. There are two things in this chapter which should probably be explained. Firstly, Ryouga arriving early resulted from him taking a different path to Furinkan High. He stayed with the Saotomes until he got lost and, thus, ended up arriving at a different time. Ryouga tends to essentially appear at random, so this shouldn't be a particularly surprising entrance. Secondly, Ranma, Genma and Ryouga have an expanded bag of tricks and are stronger than when they were initially shown in the manga. Essentially, this results from traveling with Goku, where they were forced to improve faster, in order to keep up with Goku and the enemies Goku attracted. Anyway, thanks for reading this chapter. I hope you've had as much fun reading it as I did writing the thing.
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.
Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
Chapter Two
Three Days ago...
"A dinosaur! It's on a rampage!"
Terrified shouts and warnings spread across the isolated village. Formerly, one of the Ox Kingdom's outer holdings, the township had escaped the wrath of the Ox King through its remoteness: that is, the former vassals had escaped until now.
"Lordy, there's a girl on that there Tyrannosaurus' back!"
"Good gracious, is she commanding that monster!?!"
Chi Chi, former heir to the Ox Kingdom, had brought one of her pets to keep the villagers in line. Admittedly, after the capital's fall, many of her father's holdings had attempted to break free. The majority, however, had been cowed by a simple message: pay tribute or feel the Ox King's wrath. Only a select few had attempted to guard their independence; the village of Cohrtor, on the edge of what had once been their territory was the most outspoken of these. Thus, Cohrtor's citizens would be the first to test the fruits of the Ox princess' training.
As Fido -- her pet Tyrannosaurus Rex -- tore through the walls of another guard tower, Chi Chi smirked. No one could oppose the might of the Ox Kingdom! Then, a strange sight caused her smile to falter. In the center of the village, a teenager, clad in yellow and black, while carrying a large pack, stood, entirely unconcerned by her presence. In fact, he was going so far as to pretend to look at a map, in order to mock her further. How dare he!?!
"Fido! Do you see that boy over there?" she pointed in the bandanna-clad youth's direction. "The boy carrying the bamboo umbrella: I want you to teach him some respect for royalty!" Obediently, the gargantuan carnivore sprinted at the insulting youth, claws extended.
"Hey you there, look out!" a villager called out to the stranger.
"Run y'dang fool!"
The boy heard the warning and turned to face the approaching dinosaur. Calmly, he grabbed his umbrella, pointing it in the direction of the approaching monster. As the T-rex descended upon him with teeth and claws bared, the teen simply blocked each of the lizard's swipes. Then, ending the battle, he unleashed a potent strike at the creature's midsection, knocking it out with a single blow.
"Hoo-eee!"
"Jus' Amazin'"
The villagers began to approach the stranger enthusiastically. The boy appeared, perhaps, overly serious, but he'd just saved their village from annihilation.
"D'you do them martial arts?"
One young, female voice, however, rose above all the rest. "Who are you and why do you oppose the will of the Ox Kingdom?"
From atop her pet, Chi Chi leapt, somersaulting to land in a battle crouch before the boy. The jewel in her magical helmet glowed blood-red, as she unsheathed a katana, which she gripped in her left hand. "You had best hope I like your answer."
"I'm Ryouga Hibiki, and I don't care about the Ox Kingdom. I'm looking Nerima."
Holding up a map for the fourteen year-old princess, the boy said darkly, "I have business there."
"Hmph! Let me see that!" Chi Chi replied snatching the piece of paper. Then her eyes widened noticeably. "This is... this is... Tokyo? That's almost a thousand miles west of here!"
Retrieving his map, Ryouga bowed his head in thanks. "I see. Forgive the commotion." Then, the boy began a long walk to his destination: particularly long because he was traveling east. "Soon, Saotome, I will revenge myself upon you. For making my life Hell, Ranma, I will destroy your happiness."
A villager idly asked his fellows, "D'y'all reckon the kid's lost?" They simply nodded.
Chi Chi had far graver ruminations disturbing her. "To defeat Fido so effortlessly, that man must possess impossible strength! I must inform father immediately!" As the Ox princess leapt through the trees, her thoughts moved onto a different track for a moment. "He was pretty cute too. I wonder if I'll ever see him again..."
-o- -o- -o-
"School !?!"
Goku smiled ecstatically, as he heard the news of his imminent education.
"Yes, boy. I've signed you and Ranma up at Furinkan High, the local high school." Mr. Saotome was sitting in a meditative posture across from his two pupils. Each appeared surprised by his news, though the character of their moods differed significantly. Rather than cheerful, Ranma looked rather dubious.
"I don't know about this, pop. I'm pretty sure Goku's too young." Then, his expression turning to a cocky smirk, the teenager added, "Besides, I don't see how no school's gonna help me with the art!"
"Show some respect for your father's abilities, boy!" Genma snapped. "The school has a policy about wandering martial artists already. Any elite practitioner of the art may enter as a freshman!"
The heir to the Saotome school easily ignored his father's imperious stare. However, Nabiki's additions to the conversation were not so simple to dismiss.
"He's telling the truth, brother-in-law." Ranma flinched noticeably. "It's the same school me and Akane go to. We'll see you there!"
The sound of hurried footsteps was heard suddenly from down the hall. "Nabiki, wait! I'll go with you!" Akane yelled to her sister.
Nabiki turned an emotionless gaze on her younger sibling. "What are you talking about? Ranma is your fiancé, remember? You should walk him to school." Then, smiling devilishly, she added, "I'll even take the kid. After all, I'm sure you two love birds would love to get acquainted." The emphasis on her last word made perfectly clear the fact that getting acquainted would involve far more intimate things than words.
Both Akane and Ranma flushed a dark red at Nabiki's implication, stuttering out a few vehement denials. Each then noticed the presence of the other and began trading glares, while Goku let out a loud whoop.
"D'you really mean it Nabiki?" The older girl nodded, a tad befuddled. "That's awesome! You're the best, Nabiki! You're so nice and smart and cool and great and fun and-"
Nabiki was starting to get embarrassed at the younger boy's enthusiasm. "Geez, kid. Just settle down. I don't see what the big deal is about walking with me."
The middle Tendo daughter calmly strode out of the room and towards Furinkan High. Masking her expression, Nabiki entered "ice queen" mode, in preparation for her day. She had debts to collect and idiots to con; Nabiki needed to look intelligent, intimidating and in control. "Darn it, Goku! If you're going to hold my hand, at least try not to skip or do somersaults! I've got an image to maintain!"
"I'm sorry, Nabiki." The youth stopped hopping around and started smiling like an idiot. "Is this better?"
The brunette looked at her companion and let out a large sigh. The kid was smiling in that way that said, "Hey, I'm a naive kid who a drugged monkey could con." Wearily, she replied, "Sure, Goku. You look really sharp." It was going to be a long day.
Meanwhile, the pair chosen to unite the Tendo and Saotome schools of Anything Goes Martial Arts were experiencing their own interpersonal difficulties. Akane and Ranma walked silently -- the former occupying the ground, while the latter strolled atop a metal fence. Thus far in their walk, the erstwhile fiancés had pointedly ignored one another; this, however, was about to change.
"We're not getting married, you know!" Akane snapped.
"You're tellin' me?" her fiancé replied idly.
She continued, utterly ignoring Ranma: "So don't hang around me in school!"
"Don't worry! I can't stand macho chicks like you!"
Admittedly, Saotomes have never been known for their perceptiveness, however, even for Ranma, provocation of Akane Tendo was unusually foolhardy in his current circumstances. The teenage girl hefted the suitcase where she carried her school books, as if to throw it, and growled. That boy was going to learn a lesson about calling her names. She'd teach that jer-
Pow! Approaching in an instant from behind Ranma, Mr. Saotome floored his son with a sharp blow to the head.
"Pop! What're you-"
"You're in no position to be choosy about women! Listen Ranma! I'll tell you only once-"
A quick trip into the river silenced Genma. Leaning over the river, the younger Saotome mocked his father. "What's wrong pop? Weren't you going to say something?" Then, Ranma noticed something strange. His father's panda form wasn't attacking; in fact, it wasn't responding at all. The panda's image vanished and Ranma knew he was in trouble.
Heh heh! You're wide open, boy!
From behind his son, Genma plowed the sign he'd been holding up into the teenager's skull, sending the boy reeling. A following kick then proceeded to knock the youthful martial artist off the fence. The move proved an error on the father's part, however, as Ranma used the few seconds to recover and, performing a midair flip, the heir to the Saotome style landed in a ready stance.
"Geez pop, that was dumb, even for you. When're ya gonna teach me that zanzoken thing anyway?"
Perhaps, boy, when you learn to defend yourself like a real man!
"Ah c'mon! I dodged that no sweat. You can't touch me. old man!"
Maybe not, but that bucket can!
At that moment, a pail of water Genma had lobbed in the air earlier landed on Ranma's head, triggering his curse and blinding him momentarily. When the heir to Saotome Anything Goes managed to lift the bucket off his head, the only remaining trace of his father was one of the panda's characteristic wooden signs lodged in the fence.
Be a man, boy! Go kiss your fiancé!
"Yeah! Thanks for helping me be a man, pop!" Ranma stared down at his now female form. "And as fer kissi-"
"If you even try, Ranma, I'll kill you!" Akane interrupted, making her viewpoint clear.
"Ah, just put a sock in it! I'm goin' ta take a bath!"
Watching as her fiancé tried vainly to tighten her pants, Akane commented with considerable annoyance, "You'll be late."
"Think I wanna start school as a girl?"
The youngest Tendo simply replied, "But if we just pour hot water on you, you'll turn back, right?"
Ranma nodded. "Sure, but-"
"Good. We can just go see Dr. Tofu. His clinic is only a few blocks away." Grabbing her fiancé by the arm, Akane dragged the redhead to her family doctor's clinic.
Moments later, Ranma was standing outside the clinic, in front of a sign which read Moxibustion, Acupressure, Acupuncture, as Akane went to fetch some warm water from Dr. Tofu's secretary. The heir to the Saotome school of martial arts leaned idly against the sign, sighing.
"Hoooo boy. What a way to start the-"
The touch of a bony hand broke Ranma from his reverie. Turning to see who had placed a hand on her shoulder, preparing for everything from Akane to perverts, the martial artist was still stunned by the specter that confronted her: a skeletal figure, quite literally. Eyes widening, the redhead leaped eight feet in the air to land upon the top of the sign. That was when she noticed a man who held the skeleton's forearms.
"Oh. Pardon me." The handsome man looked at Ranma apologetically through his glasses and flashed a reassuring smile. "Nothing to worry about dear! This is just Betty, my skeleton."
Crouching down to stare at the stranger, the teenager was silent, inwardly thinking, "Jeez... What sort of cook runs around with a skeleton? This town sure is weird." Ranma then hopped off Dr. Tofu's sign, landing deftly on the ground in front of the unusual man.
"Ranma, here's the hot..." Akane trailed off, as she spotted, not just her fiancé, but Dr. Tofu as well. "Oh! Doctor! Um... Good morning!"
As Akane bowed, Tofu mimicked her movements with his skeleton prop, Betty, replying, "Good morning to you too!" Neither noticed Ranma, who Akane inadvertently planted the doctor's kettle on, in her stupor.
Curious at Akane's behavior, Ranma glanced at his fiancé. "She's blushing," the martial artist thought to himself. Then, after moving around a nearby corner and regaining his proper gender, the teenager continued his ruminations: "This is very interesting."
"You haven't been by lately," the doctor remarked. "No new injuries?"
"No sir. I mean... I haven't been doing anything that would..."
A scant few moments later, the heirs to Anything Goes martial arts found themselves sprinting side by side to Furinkan High. From atop the fence, Ranma asked his fiancé a question: "Who was that guy?"
"Dr. Tofu, the chiropractor."
"Martial arts master too, isn't he?"
"Huh? How could you tell?"
Ranma's response was silent, but his contemplation was no less thoughtful for his quietude. "Sneaking up on me that way... He erased all sense of his presence. Obviously a competent ki wielder: better try to stay on his good side."
"True, he's very good. But he doesn't look like he'd be, does he? Ever since I was little, he's taken care of my injuries."
Hopping down from his place on the fence, Ranma idly inquired, "So... Isn't he a man?"
"Yes. So?"
"I thought you said you hate men!"
A dark, brooding silence seemed to take Akane, as she contemplated Ranma's statement. Then she saw her high school, recalling the dozen of fights, since Kuno's proclamation. "That's right! I... despise..."
A horde of boys poured out of the school gates, wielding boxing gloves, baseball bats, bokkens and a plethora of other weapons. "Akane Tendo's here!"
"... Men!" the heir to the Tendo school screamed, glaring at the massed, teenage boys.
Ranma looked on in confusion. Why were all those guys charging Akane? "Huh?"
"Akane! Don't come any closer! They all want to beat you!"
As Ranma leapt to the top of the school's fence, out of harm's way, Akane charged into the heart of her schoolmates' disorganized formation. Her battle cry of "Out of my way! I'm late!" could be heard all across the school yard.
"Wait!" A pair of punches accompanied a potent kick, disabling a trio of foes. "No Akane!" A pair of kendoists fell to a chop and a snap kick. "I won't let another guy beat you!" The elite martial artist spun in a circle, delivering a whirlwind of kicks. "I'll do it myself!" The last voices of the horde subsided, as Akane unleashed an unrestrained fury of attacks. Ranma, simply looked on in wonderment. He could have pulled that off with no problem, and probably in half the time, but to see a girl beat up guys was antithetical to the mind set Genma had drilled into him from day one of his training. Girls were supposed to need protecting; they were weak. Why were all those guys after Akane, anyway? How'd a chick who was so macho attract so many guys? He sure as hell wasn't interested in her!
Above, on the school's balcony, Nabiki was standing with Goku and her usual associates, watching the spectacle. "Your poor sister, every single day." one of the girls commented sadly.
The Tendo's Saiyajin guest, to set a contrast, was jumping up and down excitedly and cheering. "Wow! That looks like fun!" Suddenly, Goku had a thought. Furrowing his brow in concentration, the pint sized powerhouse lightly pulled on Nabiki's dress, hoping to get her attention. "Nabiki, do you think Akane would mind if I trained with her in the morning too? I mean she's pretty good and..." Goku trailed off, looking up at his friend with hopeful eyes.
The seventeen year-old girl simply stared incredulously at her companion for a moment. "He actually thinks that they're doing it for training! This has got to be some kind of joke!" Nabiki contemplated the knowledge she had regarding Son Goku so far and analyzed his expression. From anyone else, she'd be certain that she was being mocked, but this was 'I make rocks look perceptive' Son Goku. The kid was serious.
Struggling not to laugh, while glaring at those of her schoolmates who had failed to stifle their own giggles, Nabiki gave Goku as close to a caring look as she was able, practically puking at the effort. "No, Goku. I don't think Akane would appreciate that. She already has so many sparring partners, after all."
"Ah! That's no fair! Why does she get all the fun!"
Even Nabiki could not control the urge to face fault at Goku's response.
Meanwhile, Akane had finally finished her massacre of the school's male population and was breathing heavily. A few droplets of sweat dripped down her face, as she tried to rearrange her long, black hair. "For Pete's sake! Every morning! What a drag!"
"Truly. Such a boorish lot." An aristocratic voice drew both Ranma and Akane's attention, causing them to focus on its point of origination: a handsome man in kendo garb with a rose pressed to his lips and a bokken in his right hand.
"Evidently, each of them intends to ask you out Akane... on the dawn that he finally defeats you."
"Oh. Upperclassman. Good morning." Akane sighed, her uninterest in the new arrival's antics palpable.
"And now... Akane Tendo..." the young man flipped his rose into Akane's open hand. "...might you fight with me?"
Finishing his question, the kendoist bared his bokken, as thunder rumbled ominously in the background. The youngest Tendo simply sweat dropped, her annoyance growing.
Ranma leapt down to his fiancé's side from the fence, landing beside her. "Man. You're popular, aren't you?"
"Stay out of the way. You'll get hurt."
"What's going on?"
"You'll see."
Suddenly, Akane's challenger pointed his bokken at Ranma, as another crash of thunder resounded throughout the school yard.
"You there! You are being quite familiar with Akane!"
"Hm?" Ranma looked over to his intended. "Tell him Akane. Akane?"
"Tell him what?" The youngest Tendo pointedly ignored Ranma, staring off into the sky in a haughty fashion.
"Who are you boor?" the bokken wielding teenager yelled. "Ah! But it is the custom to give one's own name first! Fine hen! Mine I shall give!"
"Huh?" Ranma looked back to his challenger. Then gesturing with his hand, while sweat dropping at his foe's melodrama, the heir to the Saotome school replied, "If you want..."
"My name... is Upperclassman Kuno. Junior Group E. Captain of the kendo club. Undefeated new star of the high school fencing world. But my peers call me... the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!" A blaze of lightning flashed through the sky behind Kuno, momentarily brightening the pitch black sky.
"Wow! What a cool name!" Goku enthused.
Beside him, the other girls observing the confrontation were somewhat more flippant; they were used to Kuno's dramatic speeches and quirky names.
"Blue Thunder?"
"I thought he was calling himself the Shooting Star."
"It's news to me."
Another idea striking, Goku, the tailed youth hopped down from the balcony effortlessly, landing beside Kuno. Mirroring the Upperclassman's pose, the younger martial artist declared, "I am the Orange Thunder of Furinkan High!" Lightning flashed behind him, as well, setting an intimidating tone to the declaration, which was abruptly ruined, as Goku began somersaulting and back flipping all over the place with a big smile. "Wow! I sounded so cool!"
Ranma, Akane and Kuno all developed large sweat drops from the young Saiyajin's antics, while Nabiki sighed wearily; The Blue Thunder was the first to recover.
"You dare to mock Tatewaki Kuno, knave!"
"Yipee! Yee hah! I'm the Orange Thunder! Yay!" Goku continued to ignore his new adversary.
"Fine then, coward! Have at thee!"
The blade of the Blue Thunder blazed towards Goku, as Kuno charged. Furinkan's premier kendoist snapped his weapon towards his foes head in a downward blow known to obliterate concrete; Goku dodged with a back flip at the last possible moment.
"Wow! You're pretty good! D'you wanna spar?"
Smirking, as he crouched downwards, Tatewaki prepared a second strike. "To spar is not my desire, foul one. I wish your utter defeat!"
Lightning continued to flash all around the school yard turned battle ground, the entire school arranging itself to view the coming combat.
"Hey somebody's taking on Kuno!"
"That little runt? Kuno'll eat him alive!"
Raising his bokken for an attack, Kuno yelled, "Now it ends!"
Moving forward in a blur of motion, Tatewaki fired his weapon towards Goku. The Saiyajin momentarily considered dodging, but decided to test his foe's strength instead. In reply, the Anything Goes student unleashed his full strength, meeting the blade with his fist.
"Hyaaah!"
Fist and blade met with a crash, momentarily overshadowing even the nearby thunder. As both combatants pushed at one another desperately, the battle ended in a draw... almost. A sharp snap marked the end of Kuno's bokken, as the wooden blade was broken into pieces by the force of the combat.
Sweating and breathing raggedly, Kuno eyed the pieces of his bokken, then angrily glared at his opponent. The boy was not even winded from their battle, smiling without care and hopping up and down in anticipation on his... tail!?!"
"Monster! Spawn of the darkest Hells, you challenge me with your unholy powers and those of your master, this man." Kuno pointed at Ranma with a splinter of his bokken.
"Hey! Whaddya blamin' me for?" Ranma asked angrily.
"Do not attempt to fool me, for I see clearly now! Akane has long rejected my advances because of your foul sorceries! Now hoping to defeat me, you summon this hell spawn in human form! Do not fear, Akane Tendo! I will free you from your torment!" Unsheathing another bokken, Kuno this time assaulted Ranma. "I must finish you quickly, so that you cannot summon your demonic ally! Strike, strike, strike!"
A veritable swarm of blows flew towards Ranma from Kuno's bokken. Dodging with effort, as a result of his back pack slowing him down, the Anything Goes practitioner thought to himself, "Darn, if it wasn't for this back pack, I could take him no sweat, but with it... I'm going to have to try something tricky. I know! It's risky, but, if it works, he's done."
Kuno's blows did not slacken. The kendoist had trained so that he could continue such torrid movements as those involved in his premier technique for many minutes. "I have you!" Kuno declared. Then, his opponent began to grow.
"Kuno!" a massive head of Ranma declared. "You can't win!"
If Tatewaki had continued his assault, he may have yet emerged victorious. Expanding one's battle aura to create projections was a tiring skill and one Ranma had never attempted successfully before. A few strong blows might have shaken his concentration enough to dispel the illusion. However, the proportions of Ranma's head expanded so readily that Kuno froze in terror. His fear was so great that he never even noticed the blurred touches on his forehead, or the panda who bowled him over, as rain began to pour down upon the school yard. The panda wrapped two paws against both Ranma and Goku before anyone could see the changes wrought on their bodies and headed for the gym's equipment shed.
Those on the balcony were stunned by the wild animal's prowess. "Man, that panda's good!"
Akane simply stared at Mr. Saotome's departure and then followed him. That move of Ranma's was something she'd only heard of in old legends. Between that and the move Mr. Saotome had used to trick his son in their earlier battle, it was no wonder she had been defeated. The two of them and Goku were like something out of a manga.
Tatewaki Kuno lay prone on the ground, mumbling about the proofs of sorcery and monsters, or some such, but no one paid him any heed; incomprehensible, semiconscious rants were ordinary for Furinkan's premier kendoist.
-o- -o- -o-
"Dang it!" Ranma cursed. As his father, in panda form, stood by, watching, the heir to the Saotome style began wringing the water out of her pants; Goku did the same beside her. "I can't believe that took so long. If it wasn't for that dumb knapsack and the rain..."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Akane interrupted, climbing through the shed's window.
"Whaddya mean?"
The youngest of the Tendo daughters pointed to Ranma's clothes. "Look there."
Ranma did so. "Huh! What? He tore my shirt to shreds, but he didn't even touch me!" Mr. Saotome poured hot water on Ranma, returning him to his male form.
"If any of those strikes had hit, you'd be short a few body parts! You were lucky you had that weird technique to use on him!"
Ranma looked up to his fiancé idly. "Don't be ridiculous! That move almost lost me the fight!"
True boy, Genma interjected with a sign. You were just lucky!
"Hmph! Well at least I got one good shot in, and it was a doozy."
"Liar! You never hit him at all!"
"Jeez! Just because you're too slow to see my moves doesn't mean you have to call me a liar you macho chick!"
"Too slow! Hmph!" Akane stormed off to class, leaving her fiancé and house guest to find their class alone. The problem was that they had no idea where to find their room.
-o- -o- -o-
"I'm not surprised that you don't remember being touched. That thing Ranma did with his head was fairly frightening. He probably scared you witless."
Kuno did not even deign to look at Nabiki, preferring to observe his visage in a hand held mirror. A grimace was present in his expression, resulting from the word 'bufoon' clearly spelt on his forehead. "So the sorceror leaves his mark! But, verily, the legions of Hell are illiterate. Buffoon is spelt in this fashion!"
As Kuno wrote boofun on the chalkboard, Nabiki printed the correct spelling under the kendoist's own misspelling. "Nope! This is how you spell it!"
"I despise you, Nabiki Tendo!"
"I'm so glad."
Abruptly, a ruckus could be heard at the classroom's door. "I don't know, Goku. I can't see Akane anywhere. Hey! Isn't that Kuno over there. He's not supposed to be in our class!"
Hearing his name, the champion kendoist turned, catching sight of Ranma and Goku. "So sorceror, you return for a second combat! Know that I will not be as easy on you as before!"
"Easy, buddy! You're lucky I went so easy on you!"
"Do not jest, sorceror. I have learned your name, Ranma Saotome, from the mercenary, Nabiki Tendo. I have also learned your purpose." Raising his bokken, in preparation for battle, Kuno continued, "I will never permit your engagement to Akane!"
The entire room went silent. Then whispers began, which grew to mutterings and, finally, a clamor heard throughout the entirety of the school:
"Engagement?"
"I thought Akane hated boys!"
"Only one day in Nerima, and he's already got Akane. Man, does that guy ever work fast!"
"How romantic!"
"You think he'll tell us what she's like in bed?"
"Man, I hope so."
Ranma had switched from combat mode to denial. "No, no! It ain't nothin' like that! Our parents decided! We never-"
"And now, sorceror, I visit upon you the full might of Tatewaki Kuno!"
Ranma fled. "This ain't no place to fight! Follow me!"
"That I shall!"
The pair of martial artists sprinted down the hallways of Furinkan High. Closely following them came Son Goku, eager to watch the match and, after him, half the school was running. Among these students was one very angry Akane Tendo.
"How dare he!?! I knew that idiot was a pervert! Telling the whole school that we've had twenty kids! Well, I'll teach him!"
Others possessed less violent and more excited viewpoints.
"This is great!"
"I hear the winner gets Akane!"
A teacher yelled at the students, reminding them that running was not permitted in the halls. The aforementioned educator was entirely ignored.
Leaping out a window, Ranma yelled back to Kuno, "Let's take this outside. Follow me!"
Brandishing his bokken, Tatewaki jumped right after the Anything Goes martial artist, closely followed by Goku. "Fear not!"
A nearby teacher screamed, "Hey! This is the third floor!"
As Kuno floundered in the air, Ranma replied easily, "No sweat I'm-" Then he saw the giant swimming pool below him.
"You idiot!" Akane said.
Beside her, Akane's classmates, Hiroshi and Daisuke, commented on the situation as well.
"Boy. Lucky there's a pool there."
"Yeah. Lucky."
"Lucky he says!" Ranma yelled in frustration, as he struck the pool, triggering his change.
Kuno was the first to surface. Face down, he was lying in the pool, comatose.
"But what happened to the other two?"
Under the water, 'the other two' were swimming away desperately, making sure to remain underwater. Unfortunately, for his chances of escape, Ranma noticed Kuno's apparently drowned body above him. "As much as I don't like the guy, he doesn't deserve to drown," Saotome thought to himself, as he began dragging Kuno towards the edge of the pool. That was when matters began to spiral out of control; Tatewaki Kuno woke up.
"Ranma Saotome! I fight on!" The Blue Thunder declared, wrapping his arms around Ranma's chest.
"Let... me... go!"
Suddenly, Kuno found his hand clutching something that no man should have. Even if Saotome was a dark sorceror, such a bountiful breast could not belong to him. He was quite certainly male. The bokken master's discovery stunned him momentarily, giving Ranma just enough leverage to wrap her arms around his head.
Releasing a cry of "Pervert!" Ranma bashed the kendoist into the pool deck, using the momentum from the impact to catapult his female form out of sight before anyone could get a clear look at her. As she somersaulted out of the yard, however, her appearance did not escape the students' notice entirely.
"Ranma's body... didn't it look a little smaller all around?"
"Must've been some sort of illusion."
None of her schoolmates noticed Akane, as the female martial artist sprinted down the stairs. Grabbing a kettle on her way out, Akane reflected that Ranma might be a jerk and pervert, but he was at least an honorable jerk and pervert: his attempt to save Kuno had proved that.
Tatewaki Kuno was slowly getting up from the pool deck, as Akane ran by. He would have liked to follow her, but, at the moment, he was still straightening out his thoughts. He had certainly felt a girl, not Saotome. Where then had the dark wizard gone? That was when the Blue Thunder noticed Goku slowly climbing out of the pool. The water had flattened the boy's hair and his tail was no longer present, but he was still recognizable. Perhaps, if he could not smite the sorceror himself, he could still destroy Saotome's familiar.
Pulling out his third bokken for that day, Kuno challenged Goku: "So devil spawn, thine keeper hast fled. Now thou art helpless against the might of Kuno."
The elite kendoist charged and decided to start off with his strongest attack -- the one even Saotome had barely escaped -- this time. "Strike, strike, strike!" The flurry of blows penetrated the Anything Goes practitioner's hastily prepared defenses, driving him against the school wall, which he crashed through, finding himself in a classroom.
Now, something should be understood about Son Goku. Under any normal circumstances, the carefree Saiyajin is more than a match for Kuno; he rivals Ranma's prowess despite only three years of real training in the Anything Goes style. The preadolescent picks up techniques at a phenomenal rate, is barely bruised by gun shots and has ki power beyond what should be possible at the age of fourteen.
However, at Jusenkyo, Son Goku waded into the Spring of Drowned Man. Originally, the Saotomes and Ryouga were relieved at this apparent stroke of luck, but they quickly discovered something strange about Goku's cursed form. Whereas he should have been essentially unaffected, the ordinarily tailed martial artist lost all his irregularities: his hair became normal, his tail disappeared, his eyes changed to a light blue hue and, worst of all, his martial arts abilities were nearly halved. Eventually, Goku had learned to walk without his tail, but the forty percent of his ki reserves that vanished proved impossible to retain in cursed form. Ultimately, everyone agreed that the boy had perhaps fallen into the Spring of Drowned perfectly ordinary man, or something of that sort and declared their youngest member lucky to get off with such an unexceptional curse. He remained strong enough to devastate even a first or second Dan level martial artist, which was generally good enough. In fact, he was just about as strong as Tatewaki Kuno in this form, if just a little bit less technically proficient.
Unfortunately, when fighting Tatewaki Kuno, therefore, Goku was at a slight disadvantage. All else being equal, the kendo master should defeat his foe, particularly after such a devastating opening blow. Like Ranma, Goku thrived on impossible battles. Dropping into a stance, the Anything Goes practitioner grinned widely. This would be fun!
Meanwhile, Ranma Saotome was, for the second time that day, wringing water out of her pants. Sitting on one of the higher tree branches in the highest tree in Furinkan High's school yard, the boy-turned-girl was scowling. "What a pervert. I mean, he didn't have to squeeze that hard! Feh! Well I guess now he knows about me."
"You fool!" Akane stood below the tree in her school uniform, both hands behind her back.
"Akane? What-"
"Just how dumb can you be? I mean, jumping into a pool of your own free will!"
"Shut up, you!" Ranma replied, sticking out his tongue at Akane. If she had just come here to insult her, Ranma would be happy to reciprocate. "Nyah! Nyah!"
"Hmph!" Akane reached behind her and held out a steaming kettle. "Oh well. Then I guess you won't mid if I throw this hot water away."
"No! Bring it here, Akane!"
The sound of footsteps slogging through the drenched undergrowth could be hear approaching. Strangely, the steps were not coming from the school, but moving towards the school grounds. Accompanying the footsteps came an obviously depressed rant. "Curse you, Ranma! How dare you purposely give me the wrong directions!?! When I find you..."
From behind a particularly large tree, the ranting figure emerged. Possessing clearly feminine curves and long, lush, blonde hair, the young woman was extremely beautiful. However, the boyish, yellow and black striped clothes and scowl on her face marred otherwise lovely features. Her constant ranting was not analogous to the traditional image of the perfect Japanese woman either.
Ranma immediately recognized his fellow Anything Goes student, even in her girl form. "Hey, Ryouga! How ya doin'?"
The eternally lost girl looked around, searching for the source of the voice and drew a blank. There was a fairly pretty girl near him, but she certainly wasn't Ranma. Eventually, the bandanna-clad girl sighed and began walking away again. "Darn you, Saotome! Now I'm even hearing your voice in my head! Truly Ranma, you have made my life Hell!"
Throughout the blonde haired girl's rant, Akane had been getting progressively more frustrated with Ranma. Her fiancé had obviously done something horrible to this young woman for her to follow the pigtailed martial artist so far. Most likely, he'd committed some horrible perversion or theft and, rather than making it up to the girl, Ranma planned on just hiding out in a tree! That coward!
"You sullied my honor, Saotome! What you put my mind and body through, no one deserves! When I find you, Ranma, your time will have come!"
For Akane Tendo, those last words sealed her fiancé's fate. From the horrible trials this woman described, it was beginning to sound like Ranma had done the unthinkable, taking advantage of the poor, defenseless girl.
Unsure whether the new arrival knew about Ranma's girl form, Akane threw her fiancé the kettle she'd been holding. Then, after he poured the boiling water on, now, himself, she pointed to the tree branch and yelled, "Look! It's Ranma Saotome!"
In the briefest of instants, Ryouga's head snapped towards the branch where Ranma was standing. A dark smile lit up his face. "So that's where you're hiding, Ranma! Prepare to die!"
Springing to twenty feet in a single bound, Ryouga landed beside Ranma on the branch. "Jeez, Ryouga! What's your problem," the pigtailed martial artist asked with a groan.
"My problem, Saotome, is that you're still alive!" Admittedly, such threats were far more intimidating when you weren't insufferably cute and six inches shorter than you opponent, but it's the thought that counts. "Take this!"
In a blur of motion, Ryouga whipped out her umbrella, stabbing towards her opponent viciously. Ranma barely managed to dodge. When both of them were in male form, Ryouga was stronger than Ranma and had more endurance, but the heir to Anything Goes always possessed more speed. He had become accustomed to this speed advantage. The problem was that, while Ryouga's girl form was significantly weaker than he was naturally, the lost boy's speed was cranked up to a level Ranma couldn't equal. The pigtailed martial artist was unused to fighting with a speed disadvantage. The reversal of their relative abilities might help him, but he could just as easily make a stupid error. If he wanted victory, Ranma needed his girl form back.
"Catch ya later, Ryouga," Ranma cheekily remarked, leaping over Hibiki's head and towards the school.
"Darn you, Ranma! You won't escape so easily!" Ryouga spun around and gave chase, making certain that his rival was in sight at all times.
As the duo approached the school, Ranma suddenly catapulted further ahead of his pursuit, blurring at speeds beyond normal vision to reach the swimming pool. He touched cold water and felt the change take place. Finally, he straightened, staring at his opponent.
That was exactly the moment when Goku crashed through the wall a second time, landing outside, and high on bliss from the great fight he was having. "This is awesome!" The Saiyajin turned human crashed into Ryouga, knocking the older girl over.
"Hey, Goku! Can you get out of the way? I need to teach Ranma a lesson about lying!"
Hopping off of his friend, Goku replied, "Sure!"
Then Kuno reappeared, climbing through the hole in the wall Goku's body had just made. "Your time appears to be at an end, devil spawn, for none can defeat the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!"
All around the quartet of fighters, as well as the newly arrived Akane, a crowd was forming. The student body loved martial arts battles! A five way battle would be awesome and the two new chicks were seriously cute.
"Ranma! It is time we settled this!" Ryouga yelled, pulling a handful of bandannas off her head. "Nothing will stop me from destroying your happiness in this man to man fight!"
From the front of the crowd both Hiroshi and Daisuke blinked in confusion.
"Hey, Hiroshi, doesn't a man to man fight normally involve men."
"Hmmmm... a good point, Daisuke, my friend. They may be cross dressers, but their assets are quite obvious," Hiroshi replied, staring at the chests of the two girls.
"I suppose we should blame the loss of traditional male and female roles for their gender confusion."
"Yes, Daisuke, my friend, truly such confusions are a sad thing, particularly in such beautiful girls."
"Well said, Hiroshi."
"Thank you, Daisuke."
The pair's eyes riveted on the ensuing battle once more. Tensions were reaching the breaking point. The battle could not be delayed for long. From the back of the crowd, Genma, in panda form, waved a large, wooden sign. Hurry up, boy! It's almost lunch!
The battle was joined.
End Chapter Two
Author Notes: That was definitely a cliffhanger. I must say that this chapter was a joy to write. There are two things in this chapter which should probably be explained. Firstly, Ryouga arriving early resulted from him taking a different path to Furinkan High. He stayed with the Saotomes until he got lost and, thus, ended up arriving at a different time. Ryouga tends to essentially appear at random, so this shouldn't be a particularly surprising entrance. Secondly, Ranma, Genma and Ryouga have an expanded bag of tricks and are stronger than when they were initially shown in the manga. Essentially, this results from traveling with Goku, where they were forced to improve faster, in order to keep up with Goku and the enemies Goku attracted. Anyway, thanks for reading this chapter. I hope you've had as much fun reading it as I did writing the thing.