Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball or Ranma 1/2.
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.
- Sir Winston Churchill
Chapter Four
"He's mine, Saotome!"
"As if, Ryouga!"
Ryouga Hibiki and Ranma Saotome, the finest students the Anything Goes school of martial arts had ever seen, were together a force few could challenge. Each capable of shredding cars with his bare hands, the elite fighters were masters of both the air and the ground. Among the perhaps forty ki wielders spread across the Earth they were remarkable in their youth, adaptation and combat record. When fighting in tandem, the Anything Goes practitioners had never lost a battle; they didn't plan on starting now.
From opposite sides of the street, Ranma and Ryouga leapt towards Tsuru'sennin. They were fast: too fast. Even the grand master of the Crane school only had time to finish off one of them.
"Dodonpa!"
A beam of blazing red ki blasted into Ranma Saotome. Unable to dodge in mid-air, the heir to the Saotome school crossed his arms and summoned his ki, hoping to ward off the attack; his efforts proved futile. The blast roared through the pigtailed boy's defenses, sending him careening through yet another concrete wall. Ryouga's flight, on the other hand, was unmolested.
Unable to adopt a defensive posture in time, the Crane master was struck by nearly a dozen bone-breaking blows from Ryouga. "How dare you hurt Goku !?!"
Crumpling from the pain, the three hundred year-old spiked his ki, prompting his flight away from his enraged opponent. He coughed up some blood and grimaced. "No one has hurt me like that in years, boy. You're going to pay-"
A flying kick to the spine, courtesy of a quickly recovered Ranma, silenced the ancient martial artist, just as a swarm of bandannas tore into him. "Ya think we're gonna le ya get away, y'old fart?"
"You're going to pay for this!"
"Stop bein' so bloody cliched," Ranma replied, booting his foe down to the ground. "Don't ya bad guys ever any new lines?"
"How dare you mock Tsuru'sennin, the Crane master !?!"
The master of flight redistributed his ki, softening his fall, and turning so that he landed on his feet. Preparing to take to the air again, he found his progress impeded by a pair of angry martial artists.
From both sides of the old warrior, a blur of fists and feet assaulted his defenses. Alone he could have taken any one of the two fighters apart, but together they outmatched him. A snap-kick penetrated his defenses, stunning him momentarily: long enough for another twenty attacks to strike, finally knocking Tsuru'sennin unconscious.
Falling to the ground, the ancient martial arts master uttered one final threat: "I shall have my revenge..."
Ranma's foot crashed down upon the Crane master's head, crushing the old man's skull against the pavement. "Jeez. Even half-dead, the old geezer manages ta be cliched."
A distinctly feminine scream rang out from the direction of the Furinkan schoolyard.
Ranma's eyes widened noticeably. "Oh crap! Akane!" Without another word, the gender changing martial artist took to the rooftops, sprinting towards the school. He didn't even notice that he'd left behind Ryouga in his panic.
"Damn you, Saotome! Wait for me!"
The bandanna-clad warrior charged after Ranma, leaping to a nearby rooftop. The only problem was that the eternally lost boy leapt, and was charging, in the wrong direction. Within moments, Ryouga Hibiki was lost.
"Curse you, Saotome!"
-o- -o- -o-
Click. The lock binding Son Goku in chains snapped open. Pulling the chains off her tailed ally, Nabiki smirked at her own ingenuity.
"Heh heh. Score another victory for Nabiki Tendo."
Then Nabiki noticed that, rather than sprinting off to save her sister, Goku was not moving. He wasn't profusely thanking her either. In fact, the little scamp was laying on the ground moaning.
"Oh... the pain! My stomach! I'm gonna die, if you don't give me foooood!"
The ice queen of Furinkan High's left eye began to twitch dangerously. She'd passed up an opportunity to appropriate thousands of yen from Kuno, in order to save Goku. In quite possibly the most charitable act of her life, Nabiki had decided to save her associate, instead of stockpiling more money. He hadn't even said thank you. All the little scamp was doing was moaning about his fat stomach! How dare he?
"Son Goku, if you don't save my sister right now, I'm going to make sure you never eat again!"
In a blur of motion, Son Goku was on his feet, staring dolefully up at Nabiki. "Y-You... you wouldn't r-really stop me from e-eating forever, would you?" The middle Tendo sister simply glared.
Goku swallowed dryly. "Er... then I'd best go save her, huh?" A cold stare was, once again, Nabiki's only response. "Heh heh heh... I guess I'll take that as a yes."
Looking as if he was walking to his doom, the Saiyajin lethargically trudged towards the school building. Choutzu had stopped crashing Akane into walls when Kuno struck, unable to muster the concentration necessary to do anymore than hold the both martial artists in place. Telekinetic attacks required huge amounts of mental energy and, as a teenager, focus was something he lacked.
There was no way he could freeze Goku. Maybe he could manage with a psychic boost from Tien, but his best friend was occupied fighting the old guy in the white gi. Uncertain whether he would be better off simply trying to fight all three fighters at once, Choutzu considered his predicament carefully.
Then Ranma took the choice out of Choutzu's hands, plowing into the pasty faced midget with a jump kick in the head. Having been unprepared for the attack, the Crane school student flew through the walls of the girl's change room, landing on a half-dressed girl. Two dozen screams of "Pervert!" were the lasts sounds he heard before the girls beat him into unconsciousness.
"Man," Ranma remarked at Choutzu's predicament, wincing. "That was rough. Gotta remember to stay away from girl's change rooms."
Abruptly, the younger Saotome noticed Akane. His fiancé lay in a heap, bruised and beaten from Choutzu's attacks. "I guess the guy deserved it, though : hittin' a girl like that." Walking over to Akane, Ranma moved to pick her up, but was stopped by a wooden sword blocking his path.
"Hold, Saotome. Touch not my tigress with thine sorcerous hands!"
"Jeez, Kuno," Ranma replied, disarming the kendoist with a trio of pressure point strikes to the older martial artist's hands. "Settle down, guy."
"Resorting to your foul magics already, Saotome? And yet, the fight is not even begun. I come not for battle, cur, but in challenge."
Blinking confusedly, Ranma tentatively asked Tatewaki, "Is there a difference?"
"Verily, dark sorceror." Reaching into a pocket in his kendo uniform, the Blue Thunder pulled out a small letter. Upon the paper, in delicate script was printed the word Challenge. He handed the letter to Ranma and turned in Akane's direction. Now, I shall simply take my lady to our humble abode and-Urk." Kuno collapsed in a heap.
"Dream on, Kuno." Ranma lowered his fist from where he'd struck the kendoist on the back of his head and placed the older boy's challenge letter in his right pocket. Picking up the youngest of the Tendo sisters, the pigtailed fighter leaped to the rooftops once again, running in the direction in which he recalled Doctor Tofu's clinic being. "You'd better be all right, you macho chick."
-o- -o- -o-
Tien was becoming worried. He still hadn't managed to hit the old man with a Dodonpa and he was beginning to feel the effects of launching dozens of Dodonpas in the space of a few seconds. Choutzu and his master looked to have both been defeated; the tide of this battle had turned against the Crane School. Then, as often happened when tides turned in Nerima, his situation became even worse.
From the ground, a yell rose up: "You've overused your technique, boy, and now I've learned it as well! Dodonpa!"
A blazing blue beam of ki exploded towards him out of nowhere, striking Tien. The three-eyed warrior was stunned and, before he could regain his composure, Genma was upon him. Three mid-air kicks and a punch to the gut knocked left the younger fighter reeling. Maybe he could still defeat the old man who'd stolen one of his master's techniques, but even if he succeeded, there was no way he could summon the energy for yet another battle. Flight was the only reasonable option.
"Why don't you just give up, boy? There's no way you can defeat a master of Anythi-"
A roundhouse struck Genma in the face, interrupting his taunts. Taking advantage of his foe's momentary distraction, Tien flew over to his unconscious companions, wincing at the numerous bruises adorning Choutzu's body.
Picking up the other two members of the Crane School, Tien, once more, took to the air. The Anything Goes thieves had one today, but at their next meeting, fate would not be so kind to them. They would return.
As Genma's opponent fled, the middle-aged master of Anything Goes grinned and began to boast about his prowess. "Well, Ranma, I'm sure you can now appreciate my true power. As a master of Anything Goes, of course, my power is greater than your own, but your slacking is obvious. If you want to be even half as strong as me, then you're going to have to-"
Genma finally turned around to peer at his son imperiously and noticed that Ranma was gone. Where he'd expected to find his heir, instead, a crowd of students had formed, talking to one another. Of course! They must be speaking of his great abilities in tones full of awe.
"Any idea why the weird old cook's talking to himself?"
"Nope. Maybe he's just crazy."
"Ah man, that's sad. Fat, bald, ugly and crazy: geez that dude really lost the genetic lottery."
"A sad thing it is. A sad thing."
Genma's face fell, as his ego took a blow. There was only one sure fire way to get out of embarrassing situations like this one. A sheen of light shot across Genma's glasses, revealing a powerful stare that would strike fear into even the greatest warriors. Grabbing a bucket full of water, the martial artist poured its contents over his head, grabbed a tire from nowhere, and began rolling around with the piece of rubber on the ground. A wooden sign was held in his left hand.
I'm just a cute little panda!
Hiroshi and Daisuke, from the front of the crowd surrounding Genma turned to one another momentarily, serious expressions forming on their faces.
"Truly, Daisuke, it is a sad thing for a man to be cursed to turn into an animal."
"I agree, Hiroshi my friend, but let us look on the bright side. At least he is better looking this way."
"An excellent point, Daisuke."
"Thank you, Hiroshi."
"Thank you, Daisuke."
Genma-panda simply grimaced. Perhaps, transforming into a panda in front of much of Furinkan High's population was not his greatest plan. Ranma would pay for tricking him. The next time they sparred, he would teach that boy some respect for his elders.
-o- -o- -o-
Akane awoke slowly to a vaguely familiar voice. "C'mon, Akane, wake up. You've been outta it for an hour. Jeez, how can a chick who acts so macho take a coupl'a punches so badly."
The masculine tones initially reminded of her father, but the words she groggily comprehended allowed that possibility's dismissal. Her father would never say anything like that; the fact that she was being insulted also knocked Kuno and Dr. Tofu off her list. That left one man: Ranma Saotome.
"You jerk!"
Akane's fist plowed into Ranma's face, knocking him into a nearby wall. The fog that had clouded her thought processes dispersed, leaving a furious clarity in the haze's wake. That idiot had not only let her get pounded into a wall without lifting a finger to help her, but the jerk had the gall to insult her while she was sleeping.
An older voice than Ranma's registered from behind the youngest Tendo sister. "Akane, was it really necessary to punch him into my wall? That will cost quite a bit to fix, you know."
The female martial artist paled. That voice... it was Dr. Tofu, and she'd just made a fool of herself right in front of him. She was acting like a child in front of the man of her dreams.
"I'm sorry, Dr. Tofu. I didn't mean to punch him into your wall." The teenager made tiny circles with her right foot, staring at the ground ashamedly.
The doctor raised an eyebrow at Akane's explanation, which she failed to notice, as her attention was on the floor. "Well, I suppose I can forgive you. Just try not to do it again. Kami knows I get enough injuries as matters stand."
A glowing smile lit Akane's face. "Oh, thank you, Dr. Tofu!"
Understandably, Ranma was becoming annoyed. He saved Akane from whatever the pale, little kid she'd been fighting was doing and what sort of thanks does he get? Oh, yes. She decides to bash him into the wall and then goes all ga ga over the doctor.
"Hey, c'mon! Break it up!" Ranma jumped in-between the doctor and Akane and glared at his fiancé. Admittedly, the glare might have been more intimidating, if his head wasn't stuck at a ninety degree angle from Akane's punch, but it's the thought that counts.
"Oh! You're already up!" Dr. Tofu remarked, poking a pressure point that allowed Ranma to regain the use of his head. "That's good. A girl like Akane needs a durable fiancé!"
The teenage girl's expression changed to mortification. "R-Ranma, you told him?"
"No," the doctor replied first. "Actually, it was K-K-your older sister who told me."
"Oh." Akane deflated. She couldn't be angry with Kasumi. Her oldest sibling was simply too nice. "Well our parents decided it! I'm not marrying him!"
"Feh. The feelin's mutual, tomboy. Ya think I wanna marry a chick who's manlier than me?"
"Don't worry about that now! You're both still young. I'm still you'll grow to like one another."
"Don't hold yer breath, Doc."
"Akane's a very sweet girl, Ranma." Said girl blushed bright red.
"She is !?!" She pounded him in the stomach with her elbow.
"Don't worry, Ranma. You'll understand soon enough." With that rather enigmatic remark, the doctor shooed both patients out of his clinic, suggesting they take the rest of the day off school. He also patted gently patted Ranma on the hip.
As the two fiancés wandered back towards the dojo, the verbal war began in earnest once again.
"You know, Akane, you make a much better girl when you're asleep."
"What do you mean by that !?!"
"Ah, well I guess when you ain't poundin' everything in sight like some lunatic gorrilla, you're a lot more girlish."
Akane's hands clenched violently and she gritted her teeth. Whatever the little jerk's game was, she wasn't playing.
This aggravated Ranma quite a bit. Ever since they'd left the clinic, Akane hadn't talked to him at all. He wasn't going to let her ignore him any longer. "Yeah. Ya know, I got a coupl'a sleepin' potions from China. Maybe we could tape yer eyes open er somethin' and find some guy willin' ta marry ya. Then again, a guy'd have ta be pretty desperate to settle fer a girl who's built like a brick and-" Whoosh!
Akane's anger finally won over and she swung at her fiancé with a wild roundhouse. Ranma dodged under the punch effortlessly.
"Man, Akane. Even fer you that's pretty sl-" The pigtailed martial artist's legs collapsed beneath him, sending him to the ground. "What the heck !?! I can't move my legs!"
Inwardly, he thought, "That lousy, doctor. He musta done somethin' to my hips when he patted me!"
"Oh, for goodness' sake!" Akane placed one of Ranma's arms over her shoulder.
"What are you doing !?!" the male martial artist protested.
The teenage girl simply turned to face Ranma with an 'I'm in charge' sort of look. "Piggyback. You can't walk, can you?"
"What !?! You expect a man to put up with this humiliation !?!"
"Good point," Akane conceded. A squirt of a hose later found Ranma soaking wet, female, and, once again, on Akane's back. "It's okay if we're both girls, hm?"
As the pair trekked back home, one carrying her currently female fiancé, while said fiancé idly sat looking off into the blue sky above, Dr. Tofu's remarks came back to Ranma.
Akane's a very sweet girl Ranma. You'll understand soon enough.
The reply "Not yet, buddy, not yet" was the boy's principal thought for the rest of his and Akane's journey.
-o- -o- -o-
"Thank you so much, Nabiki! I don't know what I would have done if you'd taken away my food forever!"
"Just cut it out with the puppy dog eyes, Goku!" Nabiki replied sharply, cringing away from Goku's most potent sympathy winning technique.
As the Saiyajin's face took on its usual, cheery disposition, the middle Tendo sister sighed and relaxed. She might have been Furinkan High's ice queen, but Nabiki often doubted Kami, himself, could ignore the kid's naive charm. "Just try to save my sister a little quicker next time, okay squirt?"
"Sure Nabiki!" Goku enthused. "Now can we go get some ice cream, Nabiki? I'm really hungry!"
"Not unless you're paying, kid."
Once again, the tailed martial artist's expression drooped, instantaneously transforming from happy to doleful. "But I don't have any money, Nabiki. Can you pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease pay?"
The puppy dog eyes focused on the seventeen year-old with indescribable potency, but found themselves countered by Nabiki's love of money. The ensuing battle was short: pity bowed to nigh insatiable greed. The result was the teen aged mercenary utilizing a conversation stopping disinterested stare to, as one might expect, bring Goku's begging to an end.
Abruptly, the last living Son male switched tactics. "What about if I borrowed the ice cream?"
Nabiki blinked confusedly. "What do you mean, Goku?"
"Well, Mr. Saotome always said that, if someone is really hungry, they can just borrow some food and, as long as the owner doesn't notice, it's okay."
"What !?! Are you saying you stole food! Then again, all things considered, I'm not that surprised Mr. Saotome would teach you that."
Now Goku's turn to cock his head quizzically had come. "We didn't steal. Mr. Saotome always said that borrowing food was a type of training. Only people who get caught are stealing."
Nabiki's thoughts with regard to Goku's explanation may be summarized as follows: "Oh Kami, give me strength. Note to self: pay no attention to anything Mr. Saotome says about morality or honour." Then, the focus of her thoughts shifted. "I'm going to eventually have to teach Goku some proper morals, but, for now, why not use the resources I have? After all, the little squirt's not the only one who appreciates quality ice cream."
"I never thought of it that way, Goku," Nabiki replied truthfully, though the thoughtful expression on her face was a mask. "Do you think you could get me some sherbert?"
"Yep!"
Goku vanished, moving at speeds beyond the scope of the average human's vision. A quartet of orange blurs, and about nine seconds, later, Goku returned, two bowls full of ice cream in hand.
"Nice job, kid. I've got no idea what I'd do without you." In addition to her warm remarks, Nabiki rewarded Goku with a rare, genuine smile. "You're the best, squirt."
Blushing from the compliments, the youthful Saiyajin handed his friend the ice cream she'd asked for and dove into his chocolate treat face first. For a few moments, the duo walked silently, but companionably, towards the Tendo home. Both were occupied with their ice cream; after all, the weather was fairly warm. Goku, as one might expect, was the first to finish.
"Nabiki?"
The teen aged girl was still eating, but she proved more capable of dissociating herself from the task of eating than Goku. "What is it, Goku?"
Nervously, the orange gi-clad boy scratched behind his head. "Well you see, Nabiki. I've never really known any girls before -- just grandpa, Ranma, Ryouga and Mr. Saotome --, but I really like you."
Nabiki didn't like where Goku's speech was leading. Sure, the kid was a ton of fun and pretty cute most of the time, but he was three years younger than her. That might not seem like too long for some people, but, for a seventeen year-old, the gap seemed insurmountable. The kid didn't even look as if he'd hit puberty yet. He was barely above waist height. A relationship could never work.
"So, I wanna know, will you be my big sister? I've never had a sister, ever!"
The second daughter of the Tendo family released a relieved sigh. Sister wasn't anywhere close to girlfriend -- thank Kami. Furthermore, in her eyes, the role of Goku's sister was far more desirable. He was, perhaps, the only person besides her family members who had ever wriggled his way into Nabiki's heart. She was genuinely fond of the little guy. Besides, if he started seeing her as his female role model, rather than just another friend, maybe she could teach him some business savvy. Having an assistant whom she didn't need to constantly keep in sight, in order to protect against him squandering all her assets foolishly, would be very nice. However, for making her fear he was coming on to her, the little squirt was going to squirm a little before she replied.
"Hmmmm. I don't know, Goku. What's in it for me?"
Not expecting his task to prove difficult, Goku had not prepared for counter arguments or questions. Therefore, he was forced to improvise. "Well, then you'll have a brother, right?" He peered up hopefully in Nabiki's direction.
"Eh, so what. I already have two sisters and they aren't so great. Why would I want more dead weight dragging me down?"
"What !?! But I thought you liked me!" Tears began to form in Goku's eyes. "It's not fair! I want a sister! I want a sister!"
A feminine hand latched onto his shoulder, turning the Anything Goes practitioner around. A joking smile was on her face. "C'mon, kid. I was just kidding. There's no need for any crying. Us ice queens don't go for guys who act like little sissies."
The flow of tears halted, as Goku's lips quirked upwards in a tentative grin. "Really?"
"Well, only if you stop moping around. I cant stand touchy feely guys. They always make me want to puke. So, if you're looking for a sister, this girl wants a few less tears and a bit more enthusiasm."
"Yeah! You're the best, big sister!" A diving tackle lifted Nabiki off her feet, as a couple hundred pounds of happy Saiyajin leaped onto her.
"Jeez, kid, what the heck have you been eating?" From under Goku, Nabiki's words came with her usual amused indifference, but an underlying change was present as well. One could almost say that the ice queen's frosty shields had melted. There was genuine warmth in her criticism from underneath Goku. "The first thing we're doing, when we get home, is putting you on a diet!"
The Saiyajin paled momentarily, but seeing amusement rather than seriousness on Nabiki's face, he just laughed. "Hah! You try it and I'll show you some of the Anything Goes food fighting techniques!"
"As if there's any way you could actually gobble food faster, you pig!"
Nabiki Tendo and Son Goku walked towards the Tendo dojo, content in each other's company. One had a new sister, the other a brother, and both parties were certain they'd gotten the better deal in the exchange.
-o- -o- -o-
"Damn you, Ranma! How dare you abandon me like this!?! When I find you, you're dead Saotome!"
As one might expect from the above rant, Ryouga Hibiki was, once again, lost, and not particularly happy with the pigtailed youth he held responsible for his misfortune. Incredibly, he had managed to remain in Nerima following his longtime rival's desertion, though the lost boy, certainly, didn't realize where he was currently located.
"I'll crush you like a worm, Saotome! I'll spit on your bleeding corpse! For the hell you've put me through, I shall have revenge! Prepare yourself to taste my vengeance!"
Glancing at his surroundings, Ryouga was unsurprised to discover that he recognized nothing within his sight. At least the signs were still in Japanese, which meant he remained in his home country. Maybe he could ask for directions from a passerby. Admittedly, on every other occasion he had asked for directions, he'd received lies for his troubles, but, perhaps, he would have some luck for once.
Trying to find an honest looking individual, the bandanna-clad youth took note of a pretty girl standing alone, approximately twenty metres ahead of him. Luscious black hair framed an aristocratic visage, complimented by a well defined figure her school uniform did little to hide. The very sight of the young woman nearly caused a nose bleed in the Anything Goes student. Then a group of heavily bandaged guys approached her and began shouting threats.
"What you did to us is unforgivable, you cheater! We're going to make you pay!"
Ryouga frowned. He had never been quite as uptight as Ranma about female roles and fighting girls, though actual combat with a girl was something he tried to avoid, but a group of young men attacking a lone woman was not an action he approved. Particularly, slight, beautiful, young women, he felt, should not be targeted by large groups of boys. There was no chance he'd let the men harass their target.
Thus, as the largest of the figures charged, preparing a wild punch, the youth abruptly found a yellow umbrella impeding her path. "How dare you attempt to pick on a pretty, innocent girl like this!?! You should be ashamed of yourself!"
The leader of Furinkan's rhythmic gymnastics team blinked owlishly in response. Kodachi? Innocent? The witch had hospitalized most of the team. What sort of drugs was the boy on?
"What are you talking about!?! We're just giving this witch what she has coming!"
The rhythmic gymnast lashed out with a kick, hoping to scare the boy into vacating the premises, but once more found her assault intercepted. On this occasion, her leg was grabbed by her opponent. She was then lifted off the ground and thrown into her compatriots, knocking the entire team to the ground.
"I hope that teaches you a lesson! Guys shouldn't pick on pretty girls. If you want to hurt her, you'll have to go through me."
Finally, discovering the misinterpretation of the situation that caused an incredibly strong and cute boy to attack their team, the rhythmic gymnasts moved to remove the bandages on their faces. If the boy discovered that they were girls, he would likely back off and they could finish off Kodachi. The Black Rose had other plans, however.
Despite the fact that she could, undoubtedly, have dispatched the cretins who challenged the mighty heiress to the Kuno fortune, there was something desirable about a man willing to act so chivalrously on her behalf. He had also called her pretty and, though Kodachi knew her beauty far surpassed such standards, she was unaccustomed to boys describing her in such terms (males were uncommon within the confines of a girls' school). Finally, the youth was both a handsome and healthy specimen, stirring a sort of lust in her. For such a Kuno to experience such a reaction, despite her superior breeding, the boy could be none other than her star-crossed lover.
So it came to be that, following Ryouga's well-meaning declaration, a bundle of female flesh glomped onto him, prompting a severe nose bleed on the martial artist's part. "Oh fair sir, thank you so much for saving me! Truly, it must be fate that we meet in this fashion! Tell me your name, handsome warrior!"
The combination of praise and physical stimulation nearly overwhelmed Ryouga, but he fought to remain cognizant. No girl had ever shown him true affection. He'd long given up on finding a girlfriend, considering his sense of direction, but now a lovely girl was practically throwing herself at him, awakening primal desires he'd never known existed. He couldn't lose such an opportunity. He needed to act suave and sophisticated.
"Eheheheheheh... er... I'm Ryouga."
Arms tightening around her new beau, Kodachi swung the teen aged boy around, so that the two faced away from the girls who had attacked her. A quick flick of her ribbon dispatched them at of her love's sight. "Oh, Ryouga, my love, don't you feel it!?! The purity of our love stuns me!"
Ryouga was definitely stunned, but whether this resulted from the purity of love or Kodachi's squirming body sensually rubbing against him was open for debate.
"You're speechless, my love! Here! Allow me show you the love I feel for you!"
Aggressively, Kodachi's lips forced themselves over Hibiki's wide open mouth. Her tongue dove inside, tasting every part of him, absorbing the whirlwind of sensations in a moment of ecstasy. Then she noticed an oddity; the handsome youth she'd kissed wasn't responding at all. In fact, if she wasn't mistaken, he was...
The Black Rose disengaged her lips from Ryouga and released his body from her lusty grip. The boy collapsed bonelessly to the ground with a goofy grin on his face. No. Such a response was not what she had anticipated. A man worthy of a Kuno could not collapse after a simple kiss. She deserved one made of sterner stuff. Perhaps, she had misjudged the whims of destiny, for Ryouga was obviously of an inferior breed. The only explanation possible was that he was preparation for meeting a man who could truly steal her heart. Soon, she would find her true love.
Releasing a crazed laugh, Kodachi disappeared in a flash of black rose petals. "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH! Very soon, my true love shall be found!"
Nearly a half hour passed before Ryouga awoke. Foremost on his mind was discovering the identity of the fair maiden who had seemed so enamored with him. Secondly, he felt giving some thought to his current predicament might be useful. What was said predicament?
Upon awakening, the lost boy discovered that for some unfathomable reason, he had been mounted on a large, wooden pole. The ropes which bound him could, of course, be easily broken, but the mass of mallet wielding females glaring at him from the ground suggested that such plans would prove less than ideal. For some reason, Ryouga had been stripped down to his boxer shorts, tied to a pole and was being carried around an unknown Japanese city by a mob of enraged females. Escape would require subtlety, tact and charm.
"Why the Hell is this happening to me !?!" Unfortunately, none of the aforementioned traits have ever been hallmarks of the Hibiki line.
A tall, dark-haired girl was the first to reply. "You have been captured by WASPs for your heinous crimes! Attempts to escape will result in immediate castration!" Ryouga eeped.
"But, what have I done? And what's a wasp?"
"Well, as far as I know, wasps are little insects. Your crime, however, is unforgivable! You violated our sacred charter! Thus, we are taking you to the great leader for judgment!"
"Whaddya mean, violated the charter? And what's this business about wasps capturing me?"
If anything, the glares at Ryouga intensified. Deadly calm, a second girl from the crowd pulled out a yellowing scroll, looking as if it had emerged from the dark ages. Upon the scroll, in obviously computer-generated print were the words Cult of WASP Sacred Charter, First Edition (Circa 1994). Most cults had long ago discovered that ancient looking documents were far more impressive than ordinary manuscripts and the Cult of WASP was no exception.
"Womanizing, perverted scoundrel, you have violated article 352, section 13, subsection 47, clause 17 of the sacred document: Thou shalt castrate any male who truly pisses any member of WASP off. Helping that harlot, Kodachi Kuno, has infuriated nearly the entire membership. You'll be lucky to escape alive."
By this point in the conversation, Ryouga had zoned out. The beautiful woman who had kissed him and declared her love was named Kodachi! He would never forget her: his love. "I think I'm in love."
"Trying to pull the true love mitigating circumstances, huh? Well I ain't buyin' it! If you think an excuse like that will convince the Women Against Sexist Pigs to release you, think again. I can't wait to see what our messiah decides to do with you! Hahahahahahahah!"
"I love you with all my heart, dear Kodachi! When I see you again-"
A large mallet struck Ryouga's head, breaking the trance he'd been in effectively. Up ahead, he was sure he spotted a dojo. In fact, the sign on the building declared the structure the Tendo Dojo. Tendo... there was something familiar about that name; he was certain that he had heard the name before. The name had something to do with Ranma. Deciding to ignore the matter for the moment, Ryouga began to consider his escape. He couldn't let these girls steal either his life or manhood. The lost boy still had a man to man fight to finish with Ranma after all.
The pigtailed bane of Ryouga's existence casually strolled by, looking up to see what the big mob of girls was carrying. He blinked for a second and then smirked. "Ryouga, you sly dog. You never told me you were into bondage, and with so many girls at that!"
The fanged martial artist saw red and would have charged, if a much more dangerous threat to Ranma's life had not charged first. "Girls! He's just as bad as the other one! Attack!"
Forty or so furious young woman charged a surprised Ranma, beat him senseless, and strung him up right below Ryouga.
"Ranma, you sly dog. You never told me you were into bondage, and with so many girls at that!" Ryouga smugly mocked his rival.
"Shut up, lost boy!"
-o- -o- -o-
A gentle knock struck Akane's bedroom door. Though Dr. Tofu had given the heirs to Anything Goes martial arts an excuse to miss school, the youngest of Soun Tendo's daughters was unwilling to fall behind in her education. Ranma might be willing to laugh off his homework, but Akane wanted good grades. Thus, significant reviewing of course material would be necessary, in order to make up the classes she had missed. Therefore, the young woman had chosen to spend her afternoon studying on her bed. Intrusions were unwelcome; she had work to do.
"Ranma, I'm busy! I don't have time to talk right now!"
The door creaked open and Akane readied her math textbook for throwing, if her fiancé had ignored her directive. Instead, she was confronted with a small girl, who could not have been more than fourteen years old. The girl's face lit up, as Akane came into view.
"It's you! The messiah! I never imagined I would actually meet you in person!"
Nonplused, Akane simply stared blankly in response. Whoever this little girl was, she was obviously deluded. The sixteen year-old would simply straighten out whatever confusion had arisen.
"We have brought two sexist pigs for judgment, just as you commanded in the sacred texts!"
"What!?!"
Grabbing Akane's arm and literally dragging the Tendo sister outside, the younger girl brought her idol to the high priestess of WASP, grinning the entire way. "Come quickly! We don't want the misogynist scum escaping!"
Before she could protest, the martial arts prodigy was wrapped in a beautiful, white robe and placed on a pedestal, in front of a large wooden pole. Upon the pole, Ryouga and Ranma were still tied up, stripped down to their boxer shorts.
"Let the holy ceremonies begin!" a woman in clothing nearly as garish as Akane's announced to a mass of young women standing before the pedestal. "The writer of the journal, our messiah, is come!"
"Wait a minute! You're the jerks who stole my journal! Why should I help-"
An entire role of duck tape was wrapped around Akane's face, silencing her protests. The high priest turned and whispered in Akane's ear, "The great goddess, Nabiki Tendo, sold us a copy, which we adapted for the true purposes of Akane Tendo: the messiah!"
Then louder, she announced, "What our messiah truly means to say is..."
Very badly, the priestess engaged in ventriloquism: "Thank you, my loyal followers. Now, let us cast these fools into the fires of Hell!"
Wham!
The priestess was sent into low orbit by an uppercut from Akane, who quickly tore through the tape and attempted to counteract the damage that had already been done. "No! She's... I mean... I'm lying! Nothing she said about me was true! Don't hurt them!"
For a moment, the mob of fanatical, young women seemed to waver in indecision. Then a high-ranking priestess at the back of the crowd yelled, "She's just testing our faith!" The crowd stopped wavering and began to advance on Ranma and Ryouga again.
"Argh! This is ridiculous! Ranma, you're going to owe me for this!"
Akane leapt over the crowds to the pole where her friends had been mounted and, with a mighty heave, uprooted the wooden forty foot tall, wooden pillar. She then began to flee desperately, carrying the pole, trying to outrun her fanatical adherents.
"Jeez, Akane! How manly do you get? I mean, uprooting a-"
"Ranma, if you want me to give you back to them, you're saying the right sort of things."
"Er... Never mind then."
"And why don't you get dressed!?! Don't you think it's a little perverted to be running all over town dressed in your underwear?"
Running around a street corner, Akane suddenly found her view and path obstructed by a storm of black rose petals. Emerging from within, a figure clad in nothing but a black leotard appeared, wielding a giant, wooden mallet.
"So, harlot, you would challenge me in my rhythmic gymnastics match next week?"
"What match?"
"Do not attempt to deceive me, Akane Tendo. I will not be ensnared by your foul perversions like the men you have forced yourself upon!"
"What are you-" She glanced upwards and noticed the two, half-naked teens tied to the pole she was carrying. A blush rose on her cheeks momentarily, but was quickly replaced by anger.
Akane plowed the pole into a nearby wall, inadvertently crushing both Ryouga and Ranma. "It's not what it looks like!"
Nearly unconscious, Ryouga muttered, "Don't worry, Kodachi. I l-l-l-urgh" He trailed off, losing consciousness.
"Do not attempt to beguile me, dark temptress! I know that you are the only woman in Furinkan High left to challenge me, so let us fight fairly prior to the competition!"
"What are you talking about!?!"
A flying mallet silenced Akane's protestations, as she was forced to slimly dodge the attack.
"Now! Akane Tendo, prepare to die!"
Kodachi charged, launching a punch that was dodged and a kick Akane blocked. Grabbing the foot she had just deflected, the Tendo daughter yelled, "I've had enough!" and plowed her own kick into Kodachi's side, sending the Black Rose flying into a concrete wall.
The martial arts gymnast did not strike the wall, however, because an unconscious Ranma's body blocked her path, inadvertently cushioning her impact. Surprised she had not sustained greater injury, Kodachi turned and faced the boy who had defended her from harm so bravely.
"Oh, mysterious stranger, I am awed by your heroism. I love you."
Unfortunately for the Black Rose, declaring her undying love resulted in her defenses lowering, so Akane's finishing punt launched the young Kuno heiress miles away from her new beau.
Grimacing, the heir to the Tendo dojo picked up both her fiancé and his rival and began the long walk back to her residence. Something told her that this was not the last she would see of Kodachi Kuno. Also, she wondered how Ranma got away with calling himself so tough; she already had to save him three or four times today and carry him twice.
"Well Ranma, I suppose that, if you think that toughness is a man's trait, then your curse has been affecting you far more than you thought."
AN: Ah man, has it ever been a long time since the last update. I think almost three weeks have passed. I suppose I should apologize for the wait, but this chapter was gruelling to write. Oh well. The next installment should be considerably more fun. Once again, thanks to reviewers and please, reviewers, keep the feedback coming.
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.
- Sir Winston Churchill
Chapter Four
"He's mine, Saotome!"
"As if, Ryouga!"
Ryouga Hibiki and Ranma Saotome, the finest students the Anything Goes school of martial arts had ever seen, were together a force few could challenge. Each capable of shredding cars with his bare hands, the elite fighters were masters of both the air and the ground. Among the perhaps forty ki wielders spread across the Earth they were remarkable in their youth, adaptation and combat record. When fighting in tandem, the Anything Goes practitioners had never lost a battle; they didn't plan on starting now.
From opposite sides of the street, Ranma and Ryouga leapt towards Tsuru'sennin. They were fast: too fast. Even the grand master of the Crane school only had time to finish off one of them.
"Dodonpa!"
A beam of blazing red ki blasted into Ranma Saotome. Unable to dodge in mid-air, the heir to the Saotome school crossed his arms and summoned his ki, hoping to ward off the attack; his efforts proved futile. The blast roared through the pigtailed boy's defenses, sending him careening through yet another concrete wall. Ryouga's flight, on the other hand, was unmolested.
Unable to adopt a defensive posture in time, the Crane master was struck by nearly a dozen bone-breaking blows from Ryouga. "How dare you hurt Goku !?!"
Crumpling from the pain, the three hundred year-old spiked his ki, prompting his flight away from his enraged opponent. He coughed up some blood and grimaced. "No one has hurt me like that in years, boy. You're going to pay-"
A flying kick to the spine, courtesy of a quickly recovered Ranma, silenced the ancient martial artist, just as a swarm of bandannas tore into him. "Ya think we're gonna le ya get away, y'old fart?"
"You're going to pay for this!"
"Stop bein' so bloody cliched," Ranma replied, booting his foe down to the ground. "Don't ya bad guys ever any new lines?"
"How dare you mock Tsuru'sennin, the Crane master !?!"
The master of flight redistributed his ki, softening his fall, and turning so that he landed on his feet. Preparing to take to the air again, he found his progress impeded by a pair of angry martial artists.
From both sides of the old warrior, a blur of fists and feet assaulted his defenses. Alone he could have taken any one of the two fighters apart, but together they outmatched him. A snap-kick penetrated his defenses, stunning him momentarily: long enough for another twenty attacks to strike, finally knocking Tsuru'sennin unconscious.
Falling to the ground, the ancient martial arts master uttered one final threat: "I shall have my revenge..."
Ranma's foot crashed down upon the Crane master's head, crushing the old man's skull against the pavement. "Jeez. Even half-dead, the old geezer manages ta be cliched."
A distinctly feminine scream rang out from the direction of the Furinkan schoolyard.
Ranma's eyes widened noticeably. "Oh crap! Akane!" Without another word, the gender changing martial artist took to the rooftops, sprinting towards the school. He didn't even notice that he'd left behind Ryouga in his panic.
"Damn you, Saotome! Wait for me!"
The bandanna-clad warrior charged after Ranma, leaping to a nearby rooftop. The only problem was that the eternally lost boy leapt, and was charging, in the wrong direction. Within moments, Ryouga Hibiki was lost.
"Curse you, Saotome!"
-o- -o- -o-
Click. The lock binding Son Goku in chains snapped open. Pulling the chains off her tailed ally, Nabiki smirked at her own ingenuity.
"Heh heh. Score another victory for Nabiki Tendo."
Then Nabiki noticed that, rather than sprinting off to save her sister, Goku was not moving. He wasn't profusely thanking her either. In fact, the little scamp was laying on the ground moaning.
"Oh... the pain! My stomach! I'm gonna die, if you don't give me foooood!"
The ice queen of Furinkan High's left eye began to twitch dangerously. She'd passed up an opportunity to appropriate thousands of yen from Kuno, in order to save Goku. In quite possibly the most charitable act of her life, Nabiki had decided to save her associate, instead of stockpiling more money. He hadn't even said thank you. All the little scamp was doing was moaning about his fat stomach! How dare he?
"Son Goku, if you don't save my sister right now, I'm going to make sure you never eat again!"
In a blur of motion, Son Goku was on his feet, staring dolefully up at Nabiki. "Y-You... you wouldn't r-really stop me from e-eating forever, would you?" The middle Tendo sister simply glared.
Goku swallowed dryly. "Er... then I'd best go save her, huh?" A cold stare was, once again, Nabiki's only response. "Heh heh heh... I guess I'll take that as a yes."
Looking as if he was walking to his doom, the Saiyajin lethargically trudged towards the school building. Choutzu had stopped crashing Akane into walls when Kuno struck, unable to muster the concentration necessary to do anymore than hold the both martial artists in place. Telekinetic attacks required huge amounts of mental energy and, as a teenager, focus was something he lacked.
There was no way he could freeze Goku. Maybe he could manage with a psychic boost from Tien, but his best friend was occupied fighting the old guy in the white gi. Uncertain whether he would be better off simply trying to fight all three fighters at once, Choutzu considered his predicament carefully.
Then Ranma took the choice out of Choutzu's hands, plowing into the pasty faced midget with a jump kick in the head. Having been unprepared for the attack, the Crane school student flew through the walls of the girl's change room, landing on a half-dressed girl. Two dozen screams of "Pervert!" were the lasts sounds he heard before the girls beat him into unconsciousness.
"Man," Ranma remarked at Choutzu's predicament, wincing. "That was rough. Gotta remember to stay away from girl's change rooms."
Abruptly, the younger Saotome noticed Akane. His fiancé lay in a heap, bruised and beaten from Choutzu's attacks. "I guess the guy deserved it, though : hittin' a girl like that." Walking over to Akane, Ranma moved to pick her up, but was stopped by a wooden sword blocking his path.
"Hold, Saotome. Touch not my tigress with thine sorcerous hands!"
"Jeez, Kuno," Ranma replied, disarming the kendoist with a trio of pressure point strikes to the older martial artist's hands. "Settle down, guy."
"Resorting to your foul magics already, Saotome? And yet, the fight is not even begun. I come not for battle, cur, but in challenge."
Blinking confusedly, Ranma tentatively asked Tatewaki, "Is there a difference?"
"Verily, dark sorceror." Reaching into a pocket in his kendo uniform, the Blue Thunder pulled out a small letter. Upon the paper, in delicate script was printed the word Challenge. He handed the letter to Ranma and turned in Akane's direction. Now, I shall simply take my lady to our humble abode and-Urk." Kuno collapsed in a heap.
"Dream on, Kuno." Ranma lowered his fist from where he'd struck the kendoist on the back of his head and placed the older boy's challenge letter in his right pocket. Picking up the youngest of the Tendo sisters, the pigtailed fighter leaped to the rooftops once again, running in the direction in which he recalled Doctor Tofu's clinic being. "You'd better be all right, you macho chick."
-o- -o- -o-
Tien was becoming worried. He still hadn't managed to hit the old man with a Dodonpa and he was beginning to feel the effects of launching dozens of Dodonpas in the space of a few seconds. Choutzu and his master looked to have both been defeated; the tide of this battle had turned against the Crane School. Then, as often happened when tides turned in Nerima, his situation became even worse.
From the ground, a yell rose up: "You've overused your technique, boy, and now I've learned it as well! Dodonpa!"
A blazing blue beam of ki exploded towards him out of nowhere, striking Tien. The three-eyed warrior was stunned and, before he could regain his composure, Genma was upon him. Three mid-air kicks and a punch to the gut knocked left the younger fighter reeling. Maybe he could still defeat the old man who'd stolen one of his master's techniques, but even if he succeeded, there was no way he could summon the energy for yet another battle. Flight was the only reasonable option.
"Why don't you just give up, boy? There's no way you can defeat a master of Anythi-"
A roundhouse struck Genma in the face, interrupting his taunts. Taking advantage of his foe's momentary distraction, Tien flew over to his unconscious companions, wincing at the numerous bruises adorning Choutzu's body.
Picking up the other two members of the Crane School, Tien, once more, took to the air. The Anything Goes thieves had one today, but at their next meeting, fate would not be so kind to them. They would return.
As Genma's opponent fled, the middle-aged master of Anything Goes grinned and began to boast about his prowess. "Well, Ranma, I'm sure you can now appreciate my true power. As a master of Anything Goes, of course, my power is greater than your own, but your slacking is obvious. If you want to be even half as strong as me, then you're going to have to-"
Genma finally turned around to peer at his son imperiously and noticed that Ranma was gone. Where he'd expected to find his heir, instead, a crowd of students had formed, talking to one another. Of course! They must be speaking of his great abilities in tones full of awe.
"Any idea why the weird old cook's talking to himself?"
"Nope. Maybe he's just crazy."
"Ah man, that's sad. Fat, bald, ugly and crazy: geez that dude really lost the genetic lottery."
"A sad thing it is. A sad thing."
Genma's face fell, as his ego took a blow. There was only one sure fire way to get out of embarrassing situations like this one. A sheen of light shot across Genma's glasses, revealing a powerful stare that would strike fear into even the greatest warriors. Grabbing a bucket full of water, the martial artist poured its contents over his head, grabbed a tire from nowhere, and began rolling around with the piece of rubber on the ground. A wooden sign was held in his left hand.
I'm just a cute little panda!
Hiroshi and Daisuke, from the front of the crowd surrounding Genma turned to one another momentarily, serious expressions forming on their faces.
"Truly, Daisuke, it is a sad thing for a man to be cursed to turn into an animal."
"I agree, Hiroshi my friend, but let us look on the bright side. At least he is better looking this way."
"An excellent point, Daisuke."
"Thank you, Hiroshi."
"Thank you, Daisuke."
Genma-panda simply grimaced. Perhaps, transforming into a panda in front of much of Furinkan High's population was not his greatest plan. Ranma would pay for tricking him. The next time they sparred, he would teach that boy some respect for his elders.
-o- -o- -o-
Akane awoke slowly to a vaguely familiar voice. "C'mon, Akane, wake up. You've been outta it for an hour. Jeez, how can a chick who acts so macho take a coupl'a punches so badly."
The masculine tones initially reminded of her father, but the words she groggily comprehended allowed that possibility's dismissal. Her father would never say anything like that; the fact that she was being insulted also knocked Kuno and Dr. Tofu off her list. That left one man: Ranma Saotome.
"You jerk!"
Akane's fist plowed into Ranma's face, knocking him into a nearby wall. The fog that had clouded her thought processes dispersed, leaving a furious clarity in the haze's wake. That idiot had not only let her get pounded into a wall without lifting a finger to help her, but the jerk had the gall to insult her while she was sleeping.
An older voice than Ranma's registered from behind the youngest Tendo sister. "Akane, was it really necessary to punch him into my wall? That will cost quite a bit to fix, you know."
The female martial artist paled. That voice... it was Dr. Tofu, and she'd just made a fool of herself right in front of him. She was acting like a child in front of the man of her dreams.
"I'm sorry, Dr. Tofu. I didn't mean to punch him into your wall." The teenager made tiny circles with her right foot, staring at the ground ashamedly.
The doctor raised an eyebrow at Akane's explanation, which she failed to notice, as her attention was on the floor. "Well, I suppose I can forgive you. Just try not to do it again. Kami knows I get enough injuries as matters stand."
A glowing smile lit Akane's face. "Oh, thank you, Dr. Tofu!"
Understandably, Ranma was becoming annoyed. He saved Akane from whatever the pale, little kid she'd been fighting was doing and what sort of thanks does he get? Oh, yes. She decides to bash him into the wall and then goes all ga ga over the doctor.
"Hey, c'mon! Break it up!" Ranma jumped in-between the doctor and Akane and glared at his fiancé. Admittedly, the glare might have been more intimidating, if his head wasn't stuck at a ninety degree angle from Akane's punch, but it's the thought that counts.
"Oh! You're already up!" Dr. Tofu remarked, poking a pressure point that allowed Ranma to regain the use of his head. "That's good. A girl like Akane needs a durable fiancé!"
The teenage girl's expression changed to mortification. "R-Ranma, you told him?"
"No," the doctor replied first. "Actually, it was K-K-your older sister who told me."
"Oh." Akane deflated. She couldn't be angry with Kasumi. Her oldest sibling was simply too nice. "Well our parents decided it! I'm not marrying him!"
"Feh. The feelin's mutual, tomboy. Ya think I wanna marry a chick who's manlier than me?"
"Don't worry about that now! You're both still young. I'm still you'll grow to like one another."
"Don't hold yer breath, Doc."
"Akane's a very sweet girl, Ranma." Said girl blushed bright red.
"She is !?!" She pounded him in the stomach with her elbow.
"Don't worry, Ranma. You'll understand soon enough." With that rather enigmatic remark, the doctor shooed both patients out of his clinic, suggesting they take the rest of the day off school. He also patted gently patted Ranma on the hip.
As the two fiancés wandered back towards the dojo, the verbal war began in earnest once again.
"You know, Akane, you make a much better girl when you're asleep."
"What do you mean by that !?!"
"Ah, well I guess when you ain't poundin' everything in sight like some lunatic gorrilla, you're a lot more girlish."
Akane's hands clenched violently and she gritted her teeth. Whatever the little jerk's game was, she wasn't playing.
This aggravated Ranma quite a bit. Ever since they'd left the clinic, Akane hadn't talked to him at all. He wasn't going to let her ignore him any longer. "Yeah. Ya know, I got a coupl'a sleepin' potions from China. Maybe we could tape yer eyes open er somethin' and find some guy willin' ta marry ya. Then again, a guy'd have ta be pretty desperate to settle fer a girl who's built like a brick and-" Whoosh!
Akane's anger finally won over and she swung at her fiancé with a wild roundhouse. Ranma dodged under the punch effortlessly.
"Man, Akane. Even fer you that's pretty sl-" The pigtailed martial artist's legs collapsed beneath him, sending him to the ground. "What the heck !?! I can't move my legs!"
Inwardly, he thought, "That lousy, doctor. He musta done somethin' to my hips when he patted me!"
"Oh, for goodness' sake!" Akane placed one of Ranma's arms over her shoulder.
"What are you doing !?!" the male martial artist protested.
The teenage girl simply turned to face Ranma with an 'I'm in charge' sort of look. "Piggyback. You can't walk, can you?"
"What !?! You expect a man to put up with this humiliation !?!"
"Good point," Akane conceded. A squirt of a hose later found Ranma soaking wet, female, and, once again, on Akane's back. "It's okay if we're both girls, hm?"
As the pair trekked back home, one carrying her currently female fiancé, while said fiancé idly sat looking off into the blue sky above, Dr. Tofu's remarks came back to Ranma.
Akane's a very sweet girl Ranma. You'll understand soon enough.
The reply "Not yet, buddy, not yet" was the boy's principal thought for the rest of his and Akane's journey.
-o- -o- -o-
"Thank you so much, Nabiki! I don't know what I would have done if you'd taken away my food forever!"
"Just cut it out with the puppy dog eyes, Goku!" Nabiki replied sharply, cringing away from Goku's most potent sympathy winning technique.
As the Saiyajin's face took on its usual, cheery disposition, the middle Tendo sister sighed and relaxed. She might have been Furinkan High's ice queen, but Nabiki often doubted Kami, himself, could ignore the kid's naive charm. "Just try to save my sister a little quicker next time, okay squirt?"
"Sure Nabiki!" Goku enthused. "Now can we go get some ice cream, Nabiki? I'm really hungry!"
"Not unless you're paying, kid."
Once again, the tailed martial artist's expression drooped, instantaneously transforming from happy to doleful. "But I don't have any money, Nabiki. Can you pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease pay?"
The puppy dog eyes focused on the seventeen year-old with indescribable potency, but found themselves countered by Nabiki's love of money. The ensuing battle was short: pity bowed to nigh insatiable greed. The result was the teen aged mercenary utilizing a conversation stopping disinterested stare to, as one might expect, bring Goku's begging to an end.
Abruptly, the last living Son male switched tactics. "What about if I borrowed the ice cream?"
Nabiki blinked confusedly. "What do you mean, Goku?"
"Well, Mr. Saotome always said that, if someone is really hungry, they can just borrow some food and, as long as the owner doesn't notice, it's okay."
"What !?! Are you saying you stole food! Then again, all things considered, I'm not that surprised Mr. Saotome would teach you that."
Now Goku's turn to cock his head quizzically had come. "We didn't steal. Mr. Saotome always said that borrowing food was a type of training. Only people who get caught are stealing."
Nabiki's thoughts with regard to Goku's explanation may be summarized as follows: "Oh Kami, give me strength. Note to self: pay no attention to anything Mr. Saotome says about morality or honour." Then, the focus of her thoughts shifted. "I'm going to eventually have to teach Goku some proper morals, but, for now, why not use the resources I have? After all, the little squirt's not the only one who appreciates quality ice cream."
"I never thought of it that way, Goku," Nabiki replied truthfully, though the thoughtful expression on her face was a mask. "Do you think you could get me some sherbert?"
"Yep!"
Goku vanished, moving at speeds beyond the scope of the average human's vision. A quartet of orange blurs, and about nine seconds, later, Goku returned, two bowls full of ice cream in hand.
"Nice job, kid. I've got no idea what I'd do without you." In addition to her warm remarks, Nabiki rewarded Goku with a rare, genuine smile. "You're the best, squirt."
Blushing from the compliments, the youthful Saiyajin handed his friend the ice cream she'd asked for and dove into his chocolate treat face first. For a few moments, the duo walked silently, but companionably, towards the Tendo home. Both were occupied with their ice cream; after all, the weather was fairly warm. Goku, as one might expect, was the first to finish.
"Nabiki?"
The teen aged girl was still eating, but she proved more capable of dissociating herself from the task of eating than Goku. "What is it, Goku?"
Nervously, the orange gi-clad boy scratched behind his head. "Well you see, Nabiki. I've never really known any girls before -- just grandpa, Ranma, Ryouga and Mr. Saotome --, but I really like you."
Nabiki didn't like where Goku's speech was leading. Sure, the kid was a ton of fun and pretty cute most of the time, but he was three years younger than her. That might not seem like too long for some people, but, for a seventeen year-old, the gap seemed insurmountable. The kid didn't even look as if he'd hit puberty yet. He was barely above waist height. A relationship could never work.
"So, I wanna know, will you be my big sister? I've never had a sister, ever!"
The second daughter of the Tendo family released a relieved sigh. Sister wasn't anywhere close to girlfriend -- thank Kami. Furthermore, in her eyes, the role of Goku's sister was far more desirable. He was, perhaps, the only person besides her family members who had ever wriggled his way into Nabiki's heart. She was genuinely fond of the little guy. Besides, if he started seeing her as his female role model, rather than just another friend, maybe she could teach him some business savvy. Having an assistant whom she didn't need to constantly keep in sight, in order to protect against him squandering all her assets foolishly, would be very nice. However, for making her fear he was coming on to her, the little squirt was going to squirm a little before she replied.
"Hmmmm. I don't know, Goku. What's in it for me?"
Not expecting his task to prove difficult, Goku had not prepared for counter arguments or questions. Therefore, he was forced to improvise. "Well, then you'll have a brother, right?" He peered up hopefully in Nabiki's direction.
"Eh, so what. I already have two sisters and they aren't so great. Why would I want more dead weight dragging me down?"
"What !?! But I thought you liked me!" Tears began to form in Goku's eyes. "It's not fair! I want a sister! I want a sister!"
A feminine hand latched onto his shoulder, turning the Anything Goes practitioner around. A joking smile was on her face. "C'mon, kid. I was just kidding. There's no need for any crying. Us ice queens don't go for guys who act like little sissies."
The flow of tears halted, as Goku's lips quirked upwards in a tentative grin. "Really?"
"Well, only if you stop moping around. I cant stand touchy feely guys. They always make me want to puke. So, if you're looking for a sister, this girl wants a few less tears and a bit more enthusiasm."
"Yeah! You're the best, big sister!" A diving tackle lifted Nabiki off her feet, as a couple hundred pounds of happy Saiyajin leaped onto her.
"Jeez, kid, what the heck have you been eating?" From under Goku, Nabiki's words came with her usual amused indifference, but an underlying change was present as well. One could almost say that the ice queen's frosty shields had melted. There was genuine warmth in her criticism from underneath Goku. "The first thing we're doing, when we get home, is putting you on a diet!"
The Saiyajin paled momentarily, but seeing amusement rather than seriousness on Nabiki's face, he just laughed. "Hah! You try it and I'll show you some of the Anything Goes food fighting techniques!"
"As if there's any way you could actually gobble food faster, you pig!"
Nabiki Tendo and Son Goku walked towards the Tendo dojo, content in each other's company. One had a new sister, the other a brother, and both parties were certain they'd gotten the better deal in the exchange.
-o- -o- -o-
"Damn you, Ranma! How dare you abandon me like this!?! When I find you, you're dead Saotome!"
As one might expect from the above rant, Ryouga Hibiki was, once again, lost, and not particularly happy with the pigtailed youth he held responsible for his misfortune. Incredibly, he had managed to remain in Nerima following his longtime rival's desertion, though the lost boy, certainly, didn't realize where he was currently located.
"I'll crush you like a worm, Saotome! I'll spit on your bleeding corpse! For the hell you've put me through, I shall have revenge! Prepare yourself to taste my vengeance!"
Glancing at his surroundings, Ryouga was unsurprised to discover that he recognized nothing within his sight. At least the signs were still in Japanese, which meant he remained in his home country. Maybe he could ask for directions from a passerby. Admittedly, on every other occasion he had asked for directions, he'd received lies for his troubles, but, perhaps, he would have some luck for once.
Trying to find an honest looking individual, the bandanna-clad youth took note of a pretty girl standing alone, approximately twenty metres ahead of him. Luscious black hair framed an aristocratic visage, complimented by a well defined figure her school uniform did little to hide. The very sight of the young woman nearly caused a nose bleed in the Anything Goes student. Then a group of heavily bandaged guys approached her and began shouting threats.
"What you did to us is unforgivable, you cheater! We're going to make you pay!"
Ryouga frowned. He had never been quite as uptight as Ranma about female roles and fighting girls, though actual combat with a girl was something he tried to avoid, but a group of young men attacking a lone woman was not an action he approved. Particularly, slight, beautiful, young women, he felt, should not be targeted by large groups of boys. There was no chance he'd let the men harass their target.
Thus, as the largest of the figures charged, preparing a wild punch, the youth abruptly found a yellow umbrella impeding her path. "How dare you attempt to pick on a pretty, innocent girl like this!?! You should be ashamed of yourself!"
The leader of Furinkan's rhythmic gymnastics team blinked owlishly in response. Kodachi? Innocent? The witch had hospitalized most of the team. What sort of drugs was the boy on?
"What are you talking about!?! We're just giving this witch what she has coming!"
The rhythmic gymnast lashed out with a kick, hoping to scare the boy into vacating the premises, but once more found her assault intercepted. On this occasion, her leg was grabbed by her opponent. She was then lifted off the ground and thrown into her compatriots, knocking the entire team to the ground.
"I hope that teaches you a lesson! Guys shouldn't pick on pretty girls. If you want to hurt her, you'll have to go through me."
Finally, discovering the misinterpretation of the situation that caused an incredibly strong and cute boy to attack their team, the rhythmic gymnasts moved to remove the bandages on their faces. If the boy discovered that they were girls, he would likely back off and they could finish off Kodachi. The Black Rose had other plans, however.
Despite the fact that she could, undoubtedly, have dispatched the cretins who challenged the mighty heiress to the Kuno fortune, there was something desirable about a man willing to act so chivalrously on her behalf. He had also called her pretty and, though Kodachi knew her beauty far surpassed such standards, she was unaccustomed to boys describing her in such terms (males were uncommon within the confines of a girls' school). Finally, the youth was both a handsome and healthy specimen, stirring a sort of lust in her. For such a Kuno to experience such a reaction, despite her superior breeding, the boy could be none other than her star-crossed lover.
So it came to be that, following Ryouga's well-meaning declaration, a bundle of female flesh glomped onto him, prompting a severe nose bleed on the martial artist's part. "Oh fair sir, thank you so much for saving me! Truly, it must be fate that we meet in this fashion! Tell me your name, handsome warrior!"
The combination of praise and physical stimulation nearly overwhelmed Ryouga, but he fought to remain cognizant. No girl had ever shown him true affection. He'd long given up on finding a girlfriend, considering his sense of direction, but now a lovely girl was practically throwing herself at him, awakening primal desires he'd never known existed. He couldn't lose such an opportunity. He needed to act suave and sophisticated.
"Eheheheheheh... er... I'm Ryouga."
Arms tightening around her new beau, Kodachi swung the teen aged boy around, so that the two faced away from the girls who had attacked her. A quick flick of her ribbon dispatched them at of her love's sight. "Oh, Ryouga, my love, don't you feel it!?! The purity of our love stuns me!"
Ryouga was definitely stunned, but whether this resulted from the purity of love or Kodachi's squirming body sensually rubbing against him was open for debate.
"You're speechless, my love! Here! Allow me show you the love I feel for you!"
Aggressively, Kodachi's lips forced themselves over Hibiki's wide open mouth. Her tongue dove inside, tasting every part of him, absorbing the whirlwind of sensations in a moment of ecstasy. Then she noticed an oddity; the handsome youth she'd kissed wasn't responding at all. In fact, if she wasn't mistaken, he was...
The Black Rose disengaged her lips from Ryouga and released his body from her lusty grip. The boy collapsed bonelessly to the ground with a goofy grin on his face. No. Such a response was not what she had anticipated. A man worthy of a Kuno could not collapse after a simple kiss. She deserved one made of sterner stuff. Perhaps, she had misjudged the whims of destiny, for Ryouga was obviously of an inferior breed. The only explanation possible was that he was preparation for meeting a man who could truly steal her heart. Soon, she would find her true love.
Releasing a crazed laugh, Kodachi disappeared in a flash of black rose petals. "OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH! Very soon, my true love shall be found!"
Nearly a half hour passed before Ryouga awoke. Foremost on his mind was discovering the identity of the fair maiden who had seemed so enamored with him. Secondly, he felt giving some thought to his current predicament might be useful. What was said predicament?
Upon awakening, the lost boy discovered that for some unfathomable reason, he had been mounted on a large, wooden pole. The ropes which bound him could, of course, be easily broken, but the mass of mallet wielding females glaring at him from the ground suggested that such plans would prove less than ideal. For some reason, Ryouga had been stripped down to his boxer shorts, tied to a pole and was being carried around an unknown Japanese city by a mob of enraged females. Escape would require subtlety, tact and charm.
"Why the Hell is this happening to me !?!" Unfortunately, none of the aforementioned traits have ever been hallmarks of the Hibiki line.
A tall, dark-haired girl was the first to reply. "You have been captured by WASPs for your heinous crimes! Attempts to escape will result in immediate castration!" Ryouga eeped.
"But, what have I done? And what's a wasp?"
"Well, as far as I know, wasps are little insects. Your crime, however, is unforgivable! You violated our sacred charter! Thus, we are taking you to the great leader for judgment!"
"Whaddya mean, violated the charter? And what's this business about wasps capturing me?"
If anything, the glares at Ryouga intensified. Deadly calm, a second girl from the crowd pulled out a yellowing scroll, looking as if it had emerged from the dark ages. Upon the scroll, in obviously computer-generated print were the words Cult of WASP Sacred Charter, First Edition (Circa 1994). Most cults had long ago discovered that ancient looking documents were far more impressive than ordinary manuscripts and the Cult of WASP was no exception.
"Womanizing, perverted scoundrel, you have violated article 352, section 13, subsection 47, clause 17 of the sacred document: Thou shalt castrate any male who truly pisses any member of WASP off. Helping that harlot, Kodachi Kuno, has infuriated nearly the entire membership. You'll be lucky to escape alive."
By this point in the conversation, Ryouga had zoned out. The beautiful woman who had kissed him and declared her love was named Kodachi! He would never forget her: his love. "I think I'm in love."
"Trying to pull the true love mitigating circumstances, huh? Well I ain't buyin' it! If you think an excuse like that will convince the Women Against Sexist Pigs to release you, think again. I can't wait to see what our messiah decides to do with you! Hahahahahahahah!"
"I love you with all my heart, dear Kodachi! When I see you again-"
A large mallet struck Ryouga's head, breaking the trance he'd been in effectively. Up ahead, he was sure he spotted a dojo. In fact, the sign on the building declared the structure the Tendo Dojo. Tendo... there was something familiar about that name; he was certain that he had heard the name before. The name had something to do with Ranma. Deciding to ignore the matter for the moment, Ryouga began to consider his escape. He couldn't let these girls steal either his life or manhood. The lost boy still had a man to man fight to finish with Ranma after all.
The pigtailed bane of Ryouga's existence casually strolled by, looking up to see what the big mob of girls was carrying. He blinked for a second and then smirked. "Ryouga, you sly dog. You never told me you were into bondage, and with so many girls at that!"
The fanged martial artist saw red and would have charged, if a much more dangerous threat to Ranma's life had not charged first. "Girls! He's just as bad as the other one! Attack!"
Forty or so furious young woman charged a surprised Ranma, beat him senseless, and strung him up right below Ryouga.
"Ranma, you sly dog. You never told me you were into bondage, and with so many girls at that!" Ryouga smugly mocked his rival.
"Shut up, lost boy!"
-o- -o- -o-
A gentle knock struck Akane's bedroom door. Though Dr. Tofu had given the heirs to Anything Goes martial arts an excuse to miss school, the youngest of Soun Tendo's daughters was unwilling to fall behind in her education. Ranma might be willing to laugh off his homework, but Akane wanted good grades. Thus, significant reviewing of course material would be necessary, in order to make up the classes she had missed. Therefore, the young woman had chosen to spend her afternoon studying on her bed. Intrusions were unwelcome; she had work to do.
"Ranma, I'm busy! I don't have time to talk right now!"
The door creaked open and Akane readied her math textbook for throwing, if her fiancé had ignored her directive. Instead, she was confronted with a small girl, who could not have been more than fourteen years old. The girl's face lit up, as Akane came into view.
"It's you! The messiah! I never imagined I would actually meet you in person!"
Nonplused, Akane simply stared blankly in response. Whoever this little girl was, she was obviously deluded. The sixteen year-old would simply straighten out whatever confusion had arisen.
"We have brought two sexist pigs for judgment, just as you commanded in the sacred texts!"
"What!?!"
Grabbing Akane's arm and literally dragging the Tendo sister outside, the younger girl brought her idol to the high priestess of WASP, grinning the entire way. "Come quickly! We don't want the misogynist scum escaping!"
Before she could protest, the martial arts prodigy was wrapped in a beautiful, white robe and placed on a pedestal, in front of a large wooden pole. Upon the pole, Ryouga and Ranma were still tied up, stripped down to their boxer shorts.
"Let the holy ceremonies begin!" a woman in clothing nearly as garish as Akane's announced to a mass of young women standing before the pedestal. "The writer of the journal, our messiah, is come!"
"Wait a minute! You're the jerks who stole my journal! Why should I help-"
An entire role of duck tape was wrapped around Akane's face, silencing her protests. The high priest turned and whispered in Akane's ear, "The great goddess, Nabiki Tendo, sold us a copy, which we adapted for the true purposes of Akane Tendo: the messiah!"
Then louder, she announced, "What our messiah truly means to say is..."
Very badly, the priestess engaged in ventriloquism: "Thank you, my loyal followers. Now, let us cast these fools into the fires of Hell!"
Wham!
The priestess was sent into low orbit by an uppercut from Akane, who quickly tore through the tape and attempted to counteract the damage that had already been done. "No! She's... I mean... I'm lying! Nothing she said about me was true! Don't hurt them!"
For a moment, the mob of fanatical, young women seemed to waver in indecision. Then a high-ranking priestess at the back of the crowd yelled, "She's just testing our faith!" The crowd stopped wavering and began to advance on Ranma and Ryouga again.
"Argh! This is ridiculous! Ranma, you're going to owe me for this!"
Akane leapt over the crowds to the pole where her friends had been mounted and, with a mighty heave, uprooted the wooden forty foot tall, wooden pillar. She then began to flee desperately, carrying the pole, trying to outrun her fanatical adherents.
"Jeez, Akane! How manly do you get? I mean, uprooting a-"
"Ranma, if you want me to give you back to them, you're saying the right sort of things."
"Er... Never mind then."
"And why don't you get dressed!?! Don't you think it's a little perverted to be running all over town dressed in your underwear?"
Running around a street corner, Akane suddenly found her view and path obstructed by a storm of black rose petals. Emerging from within, a figure clad in nothing but a black leotard appeared, wielding a giant, wooden mallet.
"So, harlot, you would challenge me in my rhythmic gymnastics match next week?"
"What match?"
"Do not attempt to deceive me, Akane Tendo. I will not be ensnared by your foul perversions like the men you have forced yourself upon!"
"What are you-" She glanced upwards and noticed the two, half-naked teens tied to the pole she was carrying. A blush rose on her cheeks momentarily, but was quickly replaced by anger.
Akane plowed the pole into a nearby wall, inadvertently crushing both Ryouga and Ranma. "It's not what it looks like!"
Nearly unconscious, Ryouga muttered, "Don't worry, Kodachi. I l-l-l-urgh" He trailed off, losing consciousness.
"Do not attempt to beguile me, dark temptress! I know that you are the only woman in Furinkan High left to challenge me, so let us fight fairly prior to the competition!"
"What are you talking about!?!"
A flying mallet silenced Akane's protestations, as she was forced to slimly dodge the attack.
"Now! Akane Tendo, prepare to die!"
Kodachi charged, launching a punch that was dodged and a kick Akane blocked. Grabbing the foot she had just deflected, the Tendo daughter yelled, "I've had enough!" and plowed her own kick into Kodachi's side, sending the Black Rose flying into a concrete wall.
The martial arts gymnast did not strike the wall, however, because an unconscious Ranma's body blocked her path, inadvertently cushioning her impact. Surprised she had not sustained greater injury, Kodachi turned and faced the boy who had defended her from harm so bravely.
"Oh, mysterious stranger, I am awed by your heroism. I love you."
Unfortunately for the Black Rose, declaring her undying love resulted in her defenses lowering, so Akane's finishing punt launched the young Kuno heiress miles away from her new beau.
Grimacing, the heir to the Tendo dojo picked up both her fiancé and his rival and began the long walk back to her residence. Something told her that this was not the last she would see of Kodachi Kuno. Also, she wondered how Ranma got away with calling himself so tough; she already had to save him three or four times today and carry him twice.
"Well Ranma, I suppose that, if you think that toughness is a man's trait, then your curse has been affecting you far more than you thought."
AN: Ah man, has it ever been a long time since the last update. I think almost three weeks have passed. I suppose I should apologize for the wait, but this chapter was gruelling to write. Oh well. The next installment should be considerably more fun. Once again, thanks to reviewers and please, reviewers, keep the feedback coming.