SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1~*~ Justifying The Means ~*~

~I don't know about you anymore

~Throw it away so easily

~But this meant more to me

~That to be discarded like this

~Thrown away, unwanted

~Wasn't meant to happen

~Don't even bother to resolve this

~Throw it away so easily

~That's how you treat me

~I'm not a candy wrapper

~Though I feel like the gum

~Chew me up then spit me out

~Don't even bother to resolve this

~Throw it away so easily

~But this meant more to me

For a small argument, it sure caused a lot of trouble. James didn't exactly avoid me, but he didn't make the effort to speak to me, either. And when I attempted conversation, he'd narrow it down to small talk everytime. The boys wouldn't sit with us at all - they remained permanently fixed up the other end of the table with the third year girls. Apart from the odd defiance from Bella and Sirius, there was some unspoken hostility between our two groups, and it wasn't what I wanted.

I could tell James didn't want it, either. But that was the downside to having fiercely loyal friends - if anyone had the slightest thing against you, it was immediately transformed into a fully blown grudge, one almost impossible to overcome. And as nice as it was to know how faithful your friends are, the situation wasn't a good one.

It was mostly a case of James's friends rather than mine. For although Bella and Hilary's loyalty laid with me, James was Hilary's brother, and Bella did happen to be going out with Sirius. Sirius was also torn between Bella and James, while Remus seemed wary of the whole thing. Peter went with whatever James said, and all in all, the whole thing was blown out of proportion - especially considering everyone was pretending to be mad at everyone else for their friend's sake, when in reality no one really was that mad.

As much as I felt like I was betraying Bella and Hilary and even Joey, James had been my closest friend. And as close as he was to Sirius, I knew the whole thing was bothering him, too. Although we both had same-sex best friends, we still needed each other. And the fact that we were different sexes seemed to make the whole friendship seem totally different. It was like the difference between friends and boyfriends/girlfriends. They were practically the same thing, but then again completely different. Confused? So am I.

Anyway, the whole thing had thrown me completely out of orbit. So I kept mostly to myself - spending a lot of time experimenting with the Ambitometer. During this time I found out quite a lot about it. For example, I discovered that it didn't always answer your question. If it didn't want to tell you something, it would either remain still or tell you something completely irrelevant. And the only questions it would answer were ones related to us four in some way.

I also realised it talked completely in riddles and although not much made sense to begin with, it did come true in a twisted sort of way.

One evening, after watching James and Remus play wizard's chess - that had always been something James and I did, since Sirius hated chess - I had sunk forlornly into an armchair, tempted to ask the Ambitometer something I was reluctant to inquire about. I had been rather cautious of asking it personal-related questions, because it seemed to me that it had a more important purpose, but after several minutes of brooding I gave into the temptation and asked it why James was mad at me.

The Ambitometer was very blunt in its reply; there was nothing puzzling about the message it gave.

Jealousy when shown is an emotional foe

A friendship succumbed to it yields much woe

I sighed. Of course that was why he was mad - Gray had been the cause for our argument. That was obvious. But I suspected that there was something deeper than that bothering James. After all, he had always disliked Gray. Why had he chosen now to become mad at me?

Despite his reaction to what I had said, I doubted it was the real problem. If it had been, the whole thing would have been more quickly resolved. Then again, James was a proud person, and if there was one thing I knew, it was that a male with a wounded pride was like a tiger with an empty stomach - willing to feed on anything to make up for a bruised ego. But what exactly had I done to wound his pride? Nothing, really.

At some stage, I asked the Ambitometer a random question without meaning to, I just happened to be thinking it while staring at the glass: What is Gray doing now?

The Ambitometer seemed to find this question rather invalid, but it did however give me a reply referring to something completely different.

Mystery deep in the gentle heart

Misses the link now broken apart

Danger strikes the lost at night

The price to pay to end the spite

Although I didn't understand it fully, something about the message made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Firregaze, asleep next to me as a cat, was stirring, his own fur bristling. That night, I had a hard time getting to sleep.

Because I had the feeling something bad was about to happen. Very, very soon.

* * *

I'll never forget that morning. It began normally enough - we all woke, dressed, gathered our school things and headed down to the Great Hall for breakfast. And, as was the norm since our little tiff, James's group sat at one end of the table while mine sat at the other.

My edginess was beginning to ebb after a regular start, but everything changed when the mail came in.

Although I had no idea what exactly, I knew something wasn't right when a storm-grey owl swooped down to circle the Gryffindor table. Something about the stormy, piercing eyes and the chilling shriek it made my heart skip a beat. But it definitely meant something to a lot of other people, too. Bella and Hilary weren't the only two with a troubled look in their eyes.

'What is it?' I asked Bella quietly.

'A wraith owl,' she whispered back. 'They carry death notices...'

Danger strikes the lost at night

The price to pay to end the spite...

I held my breath as the owl glided over to where James was seated, but it wasn't James that the owl landed in front of.

It was April.

Hilary let out a strangled gasp. My eyes were glued to April as she opened the letter, her hands shaking. A minute later and she had run out of the hall, tears streaming down her face, the letter still on the table. Juliet dashed off after her.

Swallowing, I turned my gaze back to where she had been seated. James had picked up the letter, and was reading it, stony-faced.

'Aunt May...' Hilary whispered, biting her lip.

James angrily scrunched the letter up and threw it with force into a bowl of cereal. And then I understood what the Ambitometer had said. James's loss was what was going to put an end to our argument. If there was a time to apologise, it was now.

I watched as James calmly stood from his chair and exited the hall, holding his emotion quite well. Sirius made to follow, but Remus held him back. I turned to Hilary.

'They were close,' she explained, her voice shaky. 'You should go talk to him.'

'He'd want to be left alone...' I said, wiping my brow. 'He doesn't want to talk to me... Sirius should...'

'No, Lily - go talk to him. Sirius... well, you know. Boys aren't good at emotional talk,' Bella pressed.

'He's mad at me,' I hissed, although I knew she was right.

'So? Just go, Lily,' Hilary said, giving me a hard look.

'Lily should go,' said Remus, coming up behind me. 'This isn't Sirius's place; it's yours. Go.'

I nodded resignedly and stood, ignoring the eyes on me as I dashed out of the hall.

When I got to the Common Room, there was a pair of first years, obviously late, darting hurriedly around. Sobs were drifting down from the girls staircase. I took a deep breath before turning the other way and heading up the boys's.

I knocked tentatively on the door to James's dorm, but there was no reply.

'James?' I whispered, pushing the door open.

James was standing in front of the window with his back to me, gazing out over the grounds. He didn't turn around at my mention of his name. Eyes downcast, I approached him.

'It was May, wasn't it?' I asked. He paused, then nodded.

'You knew,' he said. I looked at him in shock.

'What?'

'You knew something like this was going to happen. I heard you talking to Hilary this morning. You had a feeling something was wrong.' He turned to look at me.

'I didn't know what,' I muttered. 'The Ambitometer...'

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'James, you wouldn't speak to me!' I exclaimed, slightly angry. 'But even if I did, you couldn't have prevented it. Not even I knew what it was.'

'You said you didn't want us to be friends anymore,' he said impassively.

'No, you interpreted it that way. That's not what I meant. Of course I want us to be friends. No boy is worth more than a friendship,' I told him, tears welling in my eyes without me really understanding why. I hugged James.

'I'm sorry,' I whispered.

'Me too,' he replied.

'You were close, weren't you?' I asked him, once we were sitting on his bed.

'Yeah. But April... she's got no one now.'

'How did she die?'

When he didn't answer straight away, I swallowed, thinking I had asked the wrong question. But a moment later, he spoke.

'They don't know. But after her father being killed not so long ago, don't you think it's a bit of a coincidence? She wasn't old. She wasn't sick.'

'Can they tell if a person has been killed by Avada Kedavra?' I asked quietly.

'I'm not sure. But if there's no evidence of a struggle, or dark activity, they'd probably completely overlook it. Appleton wouldn't waste resources investigating a dead end. Though I don't how else they're going to explain her dying.'

Neither did I, but I think I knew. Because I got the strange idea that the Ambitometer hadn't been happy with James and I fighting. And it seemed that Aunt May's death had been its way of removing that problem.

* * *

After an half hour or so I went downstairs and found Sirius waiting in the Common Room. I left him to be with James; my job was done. With a last glance at the staircase and Sirius's retreating back, I summoned my things and made my way to potions.

Potions was my least favourite subject. We had it with Ravenclaw, which wasn't too bad. Our potions master was Professor Focena, though we called him Professor Pigfish. In all reality he looked like a porpoise, although that was an insult to porpoises if you ask me.

He was probably the most hated teacher in the school, alongside Marchstall, the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor.

But anyway, Focena didn't take kindly to any kind of disruption. This included being late for class. So, as you can imagine, when I arrived about half an hour late, he wasn't very impressed.

'Evans. Here. Now,' he commanded, pointing to the ground in front of his desk. Normally Gray and his friends would have snickered, but I got the feeling they were holding back because they knew why I hadn't been on time.

Cursing the fact that James and Sirius only had to worry about being late for Divination, I stepped up in front of Focena.

'You are late. Why?'

I stared determinedly back into his cold grey eyes. His long caramel hair was fastened in a ponytail at the back of his neck. Focena was relatively young, about twenty five or so.

'I was with a friend,' I said, knowing fully well that trying to give excuses wasn't going to help my situation. In fact, I was beginning to wonder why I had bothered to come at all. I would have been much better off waiting it out until our next class started.

'With a friend? And who would this friend be?'

'James,' I said quietly.

'Who?'

'James Potter,' I said, glaring at him.

Geoff snorted, but I could tell Gray would be giving me dark looks.

'And is friend the right word? May we be more correct in using the term 'boyfriend', perhaps?'

I bit my tongue, knowing he wanted a reason to punish me further.

'He's not her boyfriend,' Gray said suddenly, standing up. Focena turned his gaze to him.

'I beg your pardon, Mr Parkson? Did you say something?'

'I said, he's not her boyfriend.'

If I had expected anything of Gray, that was not one of them. Especially since James was the whole reason we had broken up in the first place. I looked to Hilary and Bella to find them staring at him in shock, too.

'My, my - how up to date we all seem on Miss Evans's love life,' Focena sneered.

That was it. I was mad. I didn't care what happened, I was going to set that teacher straight.

'Well, you're obviously a little behind, so let me clear it up for you. First, my best friends are Bella, Hilary and James. Gray was boyfriend, but we recently broke up. James is and always was just my best friend, and I was late for class because I was comforting him because somebody he was very close to just died. And in case you were wondering, I'm currently single,' I said coolly, my voice quiet. 'So go ahead, give me a detention if you like. But if you ask me, death is a pretty reasonable explanation as to why I am late for class. You're lucky I bothered to come at all. Since you're wasting your time trying to provoke me, I doubt we'll learn anything, so there was really no point in me coming.'

I could feel eyes on me, people staring at me in disbelief. I knew exactly what they were all thinking - how shocking it was that Lily Evans, the goody two shoes, of all people, had just back chatted a teacher. Focena at that.

Focena, too, seemed taken aback, because it was a full minute before he managed to snap out at me just one word.

'Detention.'

'What a surprise,' Gray said sarcastically. 'And let me guess, I've got one now, too?'

He was looking challengingly at the Professor, and I was still very confused as to why he was sticking up for me.

Focena quickly recovered and turned his amber eyes towards Hilary.

'Miss Potter. Stand.'

Hilary obeyed.

'Was this death that of a family member?' he asked menacingly.

'Yes.'

'Then how is it your brother is so upset that he and his best friend are unable to arrive at class on time, yet you yourself were not late?'

I opened my mouth to protest, but was silenced with a look from Gray. I settled with glaring at Focena's back. That question was totally unfair.

'James was very close to our aunt. He spent a lot of time with her since our cousin is the same age as him. I wasn't that close to her, so her death didn't have as big an impact on me. I'm still upset,' Hilary said angrily.

'And you have no right to give Lily a detention for that. If you had just had someone close to you die, you would want a friend nearby,' Bella said furiously, also getting to her feet. 'And I don't think you can blame her for wasting class time when you ridiculing her is taking up pretty much the whole lesson anyway!'

'Miss Figg, kindly shut your mouth!' Focena roared.

I held my breath as Bella glared at him, praying she had enough sense to keep her mouth shut.

'No,' came her quiet reply, and I cringed.

'What did you say?' Focena asked in a dead quiet, icy tone.

'I will not shut my mouth,' Bella said nonchalantly.

'Miss Figg, may I inform you that you have already earned yourself a week of detentions, and if I were you I would sit down immediately.'

Bella remained standing.

'Sit down! All of you!' Focena bellowed, his eyes narrowing dangerously. All four of us refused to take a seat.

'Very well. We are a disobedient class today, aren't we? Maybe it would knock you all off your high horse if I took fifty points from Gryffindor? Each?'

I was tempted to sit.

As healthily full as it was, I knew the Gryffindor hour glass couldn't afford to lose two hundred points.

'Sit down, please,' pleaded Kelsey, her eyes flickering worriedly from us to Focena.

'Shut up, Aaronmore,' Gray said, glaring at her. She gave a small squeak and fell quiet. Just then, Toni stood.

'What is this? Musical chairs?' I muttered to myself.

'Baker, sit down! Now!'

But Toni, too, was determined not to move. Focena was almost shaking with anger. Anyone could tell he wasn't used to being disobeyed.

Minutes later and the whole class was standing. Focena didn't know what to do.

It was perhaps lucky that at that point, McGonagall came in, because had she not, he may have had a heart attack from the mere shock of twenty one students disobeying him. Even the Ravenclaws had stood up in protest.

McGonagall strode into the dungeons and looked around with curiosity at the class, all of whom were on their feet, before turning to me.

'Miss Evans, I need you to come with me.' Her eyes lingered on Hilary. 'Yes, perhaps you should come too, Miss Potter. Is this fine with you, Lukas?'

Focena glared at me with intense dislike. With a shaking hand, he pointed towards the door.

'Go,' he said, his face rather red. Hilary and I followed McGonagall out, heads lowered, trying to hide smirks.

Once we had ascended to the castle, McGonagall began to speak, all the while heading with a brisk manner towards Gryffindor Tower.

'Miss Evans, I believe you stayed with Mr Potter this morning?'

'Yes, Professor.'

'And you left him... in the boys dormitories?'

I looked at McGonagall to find the corners of her mouth curled in the hint of a smile.

'Yes, Professor.'

'He's gone missing.'

Hilary and I both stopped in our tracks.

'What?' we both asked.

McGonagall stopped and turned.

'He's gone missing.'

She began walking again, and we followed.

'But Sirius went up to -' I protested.

'Mr Black went up to find an empty dormitory,' McGonagall interrupted. We had reached the Portrait Hole.

'Foxtrot,' she said shortly, and it swung open.

Sirius was sitting on an armchair, brooding.

I looked straight to the stairs. Throwing my hair over my shoulder, I proceeded to walk up them.

'Miss Evans, may I tell you that the dormitory has been searched numerous times -'

I ignored McGonagall and threw the door open. Everything was as it had been when I had left, roughly half an hour ago. My eyes flew around the room to rest on what I was searching for. James's trunk.

Taking a deep breath, I yanked open the lid and began to search through it. Half of it was already scattered around the room, but it still contained numerous things. However, the thing I was looking for was not.

James's invisibility cloak.

* * *

Ten minutes later and I was in the girl's bathroom, the Ambitometer shaking in my hands.

Where is he?

A place of escape, above both water and ground

Searching for space, not seen but safe and sound

I let out a sigh of relief. He was safe. But I still had to know where he was. My eyes travelled to a window. The lake's surface was smooth that day since there was no wind. And next to the lake...

Was a tree.

And it was above the ground and the lake. Slipping the Ambitometer back into my robes, I hurried out of the bathroom.

I ran past McGonagall on my way to the door.

'Miss Evans! Where are you going?' she asked, frowning.

'I know where James is,' I breathed.

'Where?'

'Don't follow, please... he did this to be alone,' I told her. 'He's safe. I just need to make sure he's there, then I'll come back. But please don't come with me.'

McGonagall gave me a hard look before nodding.

'Very well. You have my permission. Go, but hurry back.'

I ran across the grounds, my robes billowing out behind me. As I neared the tree I slowed down. I didn't go straight to it, but walked past it to look out over the lake.

'You scared me, James,' I said, a little breathlessly. I turned around just as he was removing the cloak.

'How?' he asked me, his voice empty of emotion.

'I though you'd done something stupid.'

'I needed space. To think.'

'I know,' I said quietly, leaning my back against the tree.

'Can I come up?' I asked him, craning my neck back to look up at him.

'Can you climb?'

I gave him a look that clearly told him I could. If there was anything I had learnt from Joey Taylor it was how to climb trees.

Seconds later and I had climbed up beside him. We sat in silence for a few minutes, both thinking.

'Where's Firregaze?' James asked, out of the blue. I noticed for the first time that he wasn't with me. I shrugged.

'I don't know.'

'I haven't seen you without him for ages.'

It was true. Firregaze went with me everywhere. Even in class he found away - whether curled up as a mouse in my pocket or something similar.

'I don't think he's been with me since breakfast, when I went after you,' I said slowly, pushing my hair out of my eyes and shielding my face from the sun.

He had come to breakfast with me as a cat. And I got the feeling that where I had followed, he had not.

'I'm sorry if I scared you,' James said suddenly.

'I'm sorry about your aunt,' I replied.

'I'm sorry about being a jerk the other night.'

'I'm sorry for what I said the other night.'

'I'm sorry for what I said to Gray the other night.'

We both looked at each other and grinned.

'Sorry,' we said together.

~*~*~

There we go. I'd have updated sooner but damn fanfiction was broken. Lol. It fixed now. Ok you can all say goodbye to those two day chapters now coz im back at school but weekly is still going to be possible. Yeah. SO review. BTW, where's Amelia Bedelia? I don't think you've reviewed my last two chapters :S maybe im wrong but anyway

Toodles!

SezZie

P.S:

 SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1By the way, whoever asked:

A solstice is either the shortest or longest day of the year. One is in the middle of winter, one in the middle of summer.

Equinoxes are the two days of the year when there is equal day and night. These are in the middle of spring and autumn.