The World Through The Eyes Of A Muggle Born II

by notbang

See part one.

7. Lost Lily

 SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1~*~ Lost Lily ~*~

~Where have you gone

~Why did you leave me here

~Alone

~When you've never left my side before

~I miss you more

~Than you could know

~Or even understand

~And since you left me

~There's been a part missing

~In my life

~So please come home soon

~Don't leave me here

~Alone

 

The next day, James was up bright and early, excited about his Quidditch try outs. He barely ate during lunch, and as soon as it was time, he dashed outside after making us all promise that we would come and watch. I promised, along with everyone else, but I decided I was going to have some fun.

I did indeed go down to the Quidditch pitch to watch James, but I did so underneath his invisibility cloak. When I got down there, Sirius, Remus, Peter and Bella were there. Hilary had refused to go, exclaiming loudly that she didn't give a stuff about Quidditch.

James had flown over to them on his broom, and was talking to Bella.

'Where's Lily?' he asked, and my lips curled into a smile as a took a seat in the row behind her.

'I don't know,' Bella said honestly. 'James, she of all people would be here if she could.'

James was frowning.

'She was at breakfast,' he said.

'I know,' replied Bella.

It was cruel what I was doing, I know. But it was funny, and pay back for all the times James had annoyed me with his stupid cloak.

'Potter! Get over here!' yelled KP from the centre of the pitch.

James ran a hand through his hair, looking troubled.

'Why didn't she come?' he asked himself before flying off.

'Are you sure you haven't seen Lily?' Remus asked once James had left.

'Yes, I'm sure!' Bella insisted. 'I haven't seen her since breakfast. And it's not like her. She wouldn't deliberately not come to James's practice.'

'Well she's not here, is she?' Sirius said sarcastically.

Just then, James took off around the pitch.

The snitch had been released.

'Come on James!' Bella yelled encouragingly, standing.

Sirius laughed and pulled her back into her seat.

'Settle down, Figg,' he said.

I watched admiringly as James soared after the little golden ball, gaining quickly. His skill was obvious, even to someone like me who didn't particularly follow the sport. His broom responded to the slightest movement, and his balance was amazing. I felt guilty knowing that he thought I wasn't there.

About a minute later, and James had the snitch grasped in his fist. He flew over to KP, grinning broadly, and they began to talk. I couldn't tell what they were saying, but I presumed it was good. For one, they were speaking animatedly. Second, James had done very well if you asked me.

By now The boys and Bella were all standing, discussing how quickly he had caught the snitch and that he was undoubtedly on the team. I smiled, wanting to go and congratulate him. But I couldn't, not yet.

I waited a few minutes more until James flew over, grinning proudly, to confirm that he had indeed made the team.

'Oh my god! Wicked!' Bella said, excited. 'That is so cool!'

'Lucky duck,' Sirius grinned, slapping James on the back.

Leaving them to congratulate him, I made my way back to the castle. It was kind of nice to know that James had been bothered that I wasn't there. It made me feel wanted, if you know what I mean.

I went straight to the tower and folded the cloak away up in my dorm, before dashing downstairs to the common room, with a book. I had been reading for about ten minutes when they all came in.

They had crawled in the portrait hole talking, but when James noticed me, he stopped. Remus looked over at me and immediately suggested to Sirius and Peter that they go upstairs. Bella mouthed a 'where the hell were you?' at me before following suit and going up to our dorm. James ran a hand through his hair.

'Hi,' he said.

'Hello,' I replied evenly. 'Congratulations on making the team.'

He watched me for a moment.

'Why weren't you there?' he asked quietly.

'I was,' I told him, acting surprised.

'You weren't in the stands. You didn't come up and talk to me when it finished.'

'I didn't know I was supposed to.'

'You're telling me you were there the whole time, yet I never saw you, and it never once crossed your mind to come and talk to me?'

'Well, yes and no,' I said slowly.

'What is that supposed to mean?'

'It means that yes, I was there the whole time and you never saw me. But it did actually cross my mind to go up and congratulate you. I just didn't.'

'Where were you sitting?' he asked dubiously.

'Behind Bella,' I replied.

'No you weren't! Lily, if you forgot, just tell me! But don't say you were there when you weren't!' he said, annoyed. 'You weren't behind Bella when I started, or when I finished.'

'I was there the whole time,' I said quietly.

'Lily, I know you weren't there, OK? Just admit that you didn't come,' James snapped, frustrated.

'I didn't realise it was that important that I was there,' I said calmly.

James shot me a look.

'Yes, it was important! It was important to me, and I thought it was important to you! How is it that your best friend could make it, but my own best friend couldn't?'

He was getting quite worked up about it. It was all mildly amusing.

'I did make it, James. I saw the whole thing. Your little loop-the-loop. Your dive. You caught it in about five minutes, didn't you?'

He looked severely frustrated, and extremely puzzled.

'I don't get it, Lily,' he sighed.

'Come sit,' I said, patting the couch next to me. James relented and sat.

'I was there the whole time. I was a little late, and I left a little early, but I watched all of your practice.'

'They never saw you,' he protested.

'That's because I was under the invisibility cloak,' I laughed softly. James looked at me incredulously.

'What did you do that for?'

'Because I could,' I said amusedly.

'How did you get the cloak?' he frowned. I poked him in the chest.

'You left it in the classroom yesterday. You were lucky I found it, and not somebody else.'

'So you were there the whole time?'

'Yes, James.'

'Why didn't you just say so?' he laughed, relaxing.

'Because I wanted to see your reaction.'

'You're a naughty little witch, you know that?' he said evilly, tickling me.

'Yep,' I laughed.

'A naughty little fox.'

Suddenly, I stopped. James noticed me freeze, and paused in his tickling.

'What is it?' he asked.

I sat up a little more.

'James, Firregaze is still missing. I haven't seen him since...' I trailed off.

'Have you asked the Ambitometer?'

I felt incredibly stupid. The whole time, I had this silly little thing that answered questions and not once had it crossed my mind to ask it about Firregaze.

I reached into my robes and pulled it out. I carried it everywhere with me; it was just a habit I had grown into.

'Then again, it'll probably just give you a load of nonsense like usual,' James said dryly, sighing as I brushed some lint off its surface. The little world inside that had been wild and snowy when I had first looked at the Ambitometer was now green and sunny.

Before I had even focused on the question, the phoenix began to make its way around the outer circle.

Soft and light the feet must tread

Make the way to a place of dread

Journey made by night and day

By the heart it makes the way

Necessary, though tough and slow

Where all ends no human may go

I read it aloud as it went, so that James could listen.

'I don't think you're meant to look for him,' he said simply when it finished. 'It sounds like he's going on some pilgrimage.'

For some reason tears were welling in my eyes, and I felt like crying.

'What's wrong?' James asked in alarm.

'I don't know. But I miss him, James. I went eleven years without him, I know - but ever since he came to me he's been like a shadow. A best friend. I can't explain it - it's like he's a part of me. We have some kind of connection. It's like when I'm sad, he's sad too...'

'Well cheer up, so that he feels happy,' James suggested.

'I was happy,' I sniffed. 'I think he's sad.'

'Maybe you should write to Raul.'

I nodded.

'I - I'm going to go see Dumbledore,' I said suddenly.

'Do you want me to come?' he asked.

I shook my head.

'No. I'll be back soon. Can you tell Bella and Hilary where I am if they come down?'

'Yeah. Are you sure you don't want me to come?'

I nodded again.

'I'll be back soon.'

I slowly made my way to Dumbledore's office, not really paying attention to where I was going but somehow finding my way anyhow. When I reached the gargoyle, I cursed under my breath.

I didn't know the password.

'Miss Evans?' asked a voice. I turned to face McGonagall.

'Yes, Professor?'

'Is there a reason for you being here?'

'I was hoping to speak to Professor Dumbledore,' I said, although I was pretty sure she would send me away. She studied me for a minute.

'Yes... I think he was expecting you,' she replied, somewhat sadly. I was slightly confused at her behaviour.

'Sugar quill,' she told the gargoyle, and it jumped out of the way.

'Off you go, Miss Evans.'

'Thank you, Professor,' I said, stepping inside as McGonagall continued down the hall.

Slightly timid, I made my way up the short corridor to the next door. Still unsure of exactly why I had come to Dumbledore, I knocked three times, then withdrew my hand, taking a deep breath.

'Come in,' came Dumbledore's voice from within, and the door opened slightly. I stepped in.

'Ah. Miss Evans,' he said lightly, blue eyes twinkling.

'Professor,' I greeted, dipping my head. 'I...'

'I believe I know what you are here for. Several things, I think.'

I remained silent.

'Come and take a seat. Hot chocolate?'

As I sat down, he conjured two cups of hot chocolate. He pushed one towards me, and I accepted, still trying to think of some explanation for my being there.

'Now. I do believe one of the reasons you are here is because of your daemon.'

I nodded.

'He's been missing for awhile, and the Ambitometer -'

'So you have been using it?' interrupted Dumbledore. 'Very good. Continue.'

'And the Ambitometer said he'd gone on some journey or something, but that no humans could go there.'

'Mmm,' said Dumbledore.

At first I thought it was in reference to his hot chocolate, but then I realised he was thinking.

'In all truth, I have no idea what has happened to him,' he said after awhile, showing his palms.

I nodded my head. After all, it was what I had expected.

But then I realised, no - it wasn't at all what I had expected. I had expected Dumbledore to have an answer. A solution. Like he always seemed to.

'I sense there was another reason for your visit, however,' he continued, and I looked up at him.

'No there isn -'

I stopped.

Or was there?

'Something has troubled you ever since your last visit, Lily. More so than the others.'

'There was one thing...' I said quietly. Dumbledore looked at me, encouraging me to continue.

'I never knew my father. I only really know two things about him for sure.'

'And what are they?' he asked kindly.

'Well, for one - he's a wizard. He has to be.'

Dumbledore nodded.

'And... well, I think... I know his name,' I said, tucking some hair behind my ear somewhat nervously. I looked up from my hands to Dumbledore, and noticed that he looked a little more interested. But he remained silent.

'But since I don't know much about him, there's a lot of possibilities left to consider. And the Sorting Hat, I know it put me in Gryffindor, but I was thinking - it wanted to put me in Ravenclaw, too, but then it said that I'd do well in Slytherin. And I couldn't help wondering...' I trailed off, thinking I was rambling, and that what I was saying was rather silly. It was all just spilling out of my mouth.

'You were wondering if you could be the heir of Slytherin,' Dumbeldore finished. I nodded, my eyes looking down at the floor.

It was true. It had been bothering for me awhile.

'Lily, there are four of you. It is possible that three of you are the heir of Slytherin. You are all good people, so why does it bother you?'

'Because I know them. They don't seem Slytherin-ish.'

'And you think you do?' Dumbledore asked, eyebrows slightly raised.

'That's it!' I said, my voice rising. 'I don't know myself anymore! I thought I did! I thought I knew who my father was, but it turned out he was never my father. I thought I was an average girl, but it turned out I was a witch. After that I thought I was an average witch, but then it turns out I'm one of them! I feel like I don't know anything about myself at all!'

Dumbledore looked at me quite calmly.

'What do you want me to do, Lily? Confirm your fears? Or lie to you, and leave something else for you to uncover and unsettle you later on?'

'I want to know the truth,' I told him.

'But before I tell you, I want to understand why this worries you. Do you think your ancestors affect you as a person? Because think about this: the four of you represent four different heirs of four different houses, yet you are all in Gryffindor.'

'It doesn't matter,' I muttered angrily. 'I just want to know who my father is.'

'Why? What would come of it?'

I stood up, angrier than I had ever been before. And the thing that scared me was that I didn't know why.

'What would come of it? I'd know who I am, that's what! It would be one mystery crossed off the list. Because somehow, I'm going to work it all out. And if you don't tell me, I'll find someone else who will.'

Dumbledore regarded me over his half-moon spectacles. He heaved a deep sigh.

'Very well. Sit down.'

I slowly lowered myself back into the chair.

'You are the heir of Slytherin.'

I expected to feel shocked, or upset, but to my surprise I felt nothing. I had been anticipating it.

'Your father is Tom Riddle, as you said you knew.'

I nodded.

'What you probably didn't know, is his new identity. You may know him as Voldemort.'

My heart skipped a beat at that name. Where had I heard it before?

"You Know Who is a Dark wizard. His real name's Voldemort, but most people are too afraid to speak it. He's not the worst wizard ever, but he's bad. And he's getting worse. A few people dead every fortnight. No one can catch him. They reckon if they don't get him under control soon he might get worse and worse, even worse than Grindewald..."

Something inside of me froze, the chill spreading through my body like venom. Voldemort. He was responsible for people dying. Bella's dad, April's dad, Gray's...

'Why?' I asked, throat dry. 'Why me? Why him?'

'Because it was meant to be,' Dumbledore said gently. 'It was highly unlikely the heirs would ever return to Hogwarts together. It was more likely the blood of the original founders would filter out completely. But as you know, it was prophesied that one day, all four would return to Hogwarts. Together. And the fate of the school depended on their unity. Backgrounds don't matter, Lily. What matters is that you and your friends do what is right -'

'I DON'T CARE!' I said angrily, all of a sudden, springing to my feet again. I had hot tears in my eyes, and my ears were burning. How could I be related to... to... him?

'But you do,' Dumbledore contradicted.

'No I don't! I don't want to be one! I want to be normal! Not one of... them!'

'In actual fact, you want to be one so much you feel guilty at the thought.'

'And why would I want to be one?' I asked angrily.

'Because it means you aren't a muggle born,' he said quite simply. I stopped and looked at him in disbelief. Dumbledore continued.

'There was nothing you wanted more than anything else than to fit in. And now you do.'

'But I'm related to... to him! I don't want anything to do with him!' I shouted.

'Yes you do,' Dumbledore repeated softly. 'It pains you that you do, but you do nonetheless. Deep down, you love him to bits for being your father.'

And I knew that what he was saying was true. I was secretly elated that I wasn't a muggle born, and the fact that I was made me feel extremely penitent.

'Why did it have to be me?' I whispered.

'Because, Lily, everything is changing. We are heading for dark times, and we have been for a long time now. There is good and evil in the world, and the two are lining up for battle. And you and your friends are at the heart of it all. Because it is you four, and you four alone, who can change things. And it's extremely hard, but it is what must be done. You four were chosen for a reason. Because you have the heart to do what you are destined to do.'

I sat silently for a minute, my hands shaking.

'He killed people,' I said, trying to keep my tone level.

'Yes, he did - you did not. You're not like him, Lily.'

'But what if I am? We don't have a say about looking like our parents. What if I don't get a say in being like him?'

I couldn't believe this. I was crying again. What was my problem?

I wiped the tears away angrily.

'Do you know for sure that it's us? Surely other people have their birthdays on the same day...'

'Yes, but others are not heirs to Slytherin,' Dumbledore sighed. 'Nor Gryffindor.'

I lowered my head, chewing my lip.

'I wish I never knew,' I said sulkily.

'But do you? Would you have rather have found out later? Another horrible truth that had been kept from you? I do admit that I regret that this burden has been placed on you. But in your case, at least, I think it was for the best.'

I sighed, knowing he was right. Again.

'I hate him,' I said suddenly.

'You never knew him,' Dumbledore pointed out. I raised my eyes to meet his.

'And I'm glad. He's horrible.'

'He is,' Dumbledore agreed, 'but think. Without him, you wouldn't be here.'

'But people would be happy,' I replied quietly.

'Your friends wouldn't miss you?'

'They wouldn't have known me in the first place.'

'True, but things happen for a reason, Lily. I suggest you go back up to Gryffindor tower and try to put this behind you. Go and be with your friends.'

I glared at him, not caring that he was the Headmaster. Words were spilling out of my mouth. I knew people would have been surprised to hear quiet little Lily talking how I was, and to the headmaster at that.

'Do you think I can face them? Knowing what I've done to them?'

'You haven't done anything to them, Lily,' he said gently.

'I can't look at them! Knowing what he did to them! Knowing my father killed Bella's father, or Hilary and James's aunt, or Gray's -'

'Lily,' Dumbledore said, quietly but firmly. I fell quiet.

'Your friends are good people. I am sure that they will more than understand what you are going through, and definitely not will they think any the less of you. And I am sorry that I could not assist you in finding your daemon,' he added kindly, opening the door. Sighing, I walked out.

'Good day, Miss Evans.'

'Good day, Professor,' I mumbled.

Again, I wasn't paying attention where I was going, but somehow I ended up at the Portrait Hole. I glumly gave the password and scrambled in, ignoring James's greeting as I walked blindly past him, tears blurring my vision. All I could think about was getting up into my dormitory and into my bed.

Thankful to find the room empty, I flopped down on my bed, raising my head only long enough to yank the curtains closed before burying it in my pillow. I gave a loud sniff before I stopped holding the tears back, and the salty drops flowed down my face, soaking my pillow and my clothes. But it wasn't poor, plain, muggle born Lily. It was poor, plain, half blood Lily. The lost girl with the fiery hair and cats eyes, and pure venom running through her veins and spreading through her like wildfire.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Hi guys. I re-wrote this chapter like 4 times and im still not that happy with it but oh well. And sorry if lily's little outburst sounds like haryy in OotP. Like mother like son I guess.

Thanks all u guys that did the quiz!!!

Well gotta go

SezZie