I get the feeling that we will soon be stabbed in our sleep for not including Mort in every other paragraph in our LORD OF THE RINGS spoof!

You people are scary.

The Fellowship soon grew tired of being frightened by the skulls and moved on into other areas of Moria.

'Hey! Pay attention to us!' thought the lead skull as they left. 'We're the skulls! You can't ignore us! We're the whole reason this place is even slightly interesting!'

But no one ever payed attention to the skulls again, except for the orcs who later passed through. Those who would survive the dramatic fight sequences to come boiled the skulls to make soup. The orcs afterwards cut off the tops of the now nutrient-free husks of the skulls, and shat in them. Not for any real reason, just to be jerks. It was a tragic day indeed. Those skulls had been a beacon of light in a dark world of filthy disappointment.

"How are we going to find our way through this dumbass mine?" complained Boromir. "The stupid dwarves made too many stupid passages in their stupid mine. This is stupid."

"Just follow your nose!" sang Toucan Sam, as he swooped by over their heads. Legolas, still in a foul mood, drew his bow and shot Toucan Sam in the head. The stricken mascot plummeted into the abyss he had been flying over, and Legolas gave a smug smile.

"You can't just keep summoning random characters and then killing them to get a cheap laugh," complained Mort. "It's just bad writing."

"How do you think you came into this?" asked Spoofmaster. "We just didn't kill you...yet."

"What gives you the right?!" demanded Celestina.

"Because I'm the Keyblade Master, stupid!" replied MysticButtCrystal, tapping her on the head with the Keyblade.

"If that is all, may we be moving on now?" asked Gandalf testily.

"You heard them too?" questioned Pippin.

"Heard who?" asked Gandalf.

"The authors and what I can only assume are their love slaves," said Pippin.

"What the hell are you talking about?" wondered Gandalf. "I was referring to the whole thing that just happened with the oddly colored bird!"

"So were they," replied Pippin.

Merry kicked Pippin in the shin.

'Stupid insane Pippin,' thought Merry. 'Always hearing those voices in his head.'

'Why won't anyone believe me?' thought Pippin. 'Cali-FORN-ia!'

Several hours later, they were at an odd plateau. So far they had followed Gimli, and he said they were about halfway through. Besides, the hobbits were a little upset at missing three of the four breakfasts they felt they were entitled to. Not that anyone actually knew what time of day it was, but the hobbits felt that without any way to tell the time, they should go on a permanent breakfast for safety's sake.

When the Fellowship rested, Frodo sat off to the side away from the others, because 1) he felt like an outsider, 2) he wanted time to think, and 3) he wanted attention. Legolas also sat alone, away from even Frodo, but that was because he was still pissed off. Killing Toucan Sam hadn't really been very fulfilling, even with Sam's rag doll physics.

Frodo gazed over the edge of the precipice, staring at the rocks below and pondering how much people might or might not care if he just jumped. He had finally decided that it wouldn't be worth the trouble because he wouldn't be there to enjoy the attention, when something below caught his eye.

Gollum climbed slowly and quietly. Soon he would kill the dumbass filthy hobbitses and piss on their corpses. Then he and the precious could go back home and...cuddle.

"Is that Gollum?" asked Gandalf, coming up beside Frodo and looking down.

"Mmyep," said Frodo, selecting a stone the size of his fist and squinting down at Gollum. He took careful aim, and let go. The stone impacted solidly on Gollum's face, stunning him, and causing him to let go of his handholds.

"Oh shitses!" cried Gollum, plummeting back down to the bottom.

"Let's get moving before the filthy little bastard gets back up," suggested Gandalf. So the Fellowship packed up their stuff and moved on through more boring and repetitive tunnels. They noticed that many of the tunnels were exactly alike, but they just chocked that up to the fact that this chapter was on a very strict deadline and the programmers had only had time to design a few rooms.

"What programmers?!" cried a dismayed Mort.

"Look, if you and Celestina don't shut up, we are going to kill you!" threatened MysticButtCrystal. "We killed Mr. Peabody and Toucan Sam! We're on the edge here, guys!"

Eventually the Fellowship came to a room that did not look like all the other rooms they had been to. It was kind of big, and contained many dwarf skeletons, including their....

SKULLS!! Oh, we had thought that the skull beauty was gone from the world at the loss of the previous skulls, but here was a new supply! It was a fountain of pearly skull perfection, emanating from their various empty sockets and blank, wondrous skull foreheads. They were the most beautiful skulls to ever exist, each shining with an inner skull light and beauty, as—

Pippin very deliberately started removing the skulls from the bodies of the dwarves.

"What are you doing?!" wailed Gimli. "These were my buds! Now who will I go drinking with?!"

Gimli cried, tears and snot running down his face and into his beard. Legolas groaned in disgust, but his mood was slightly lifted by the fact that the dwarf was unhappy.

Pippin finished gathering the skulls, which gleamed skullfully with a wonder of their own as he cradled them in his arms. He put them in one of the trash bags the Fellowship had brought to carry things in, disrespecting them slightly, but it was obvious that he appreciated their skullish sheen and wanting to take them with him. The skulls clattered in the bag, a beautiful sound not otherwise possible. Pippin had done well by allowing them to realize their musical talent.

"Hey," said Gandalf, stooping over a book. "I've been reading this book over here, and it looks like all these dwarves were killed by a giant monster. I told you so."

The skulls cheerfully continued to make music beyond that of any living thing, delighting despite how their glorious appearance went hidden. They were—

Pippin dropped the bag down the well in the corner. He had had more than enough of listening to the voices in his head rambling on about skulls.

"What's wrong with you?!" cried Gandalf. "You fool of a Took! You'll attract a giant monster, and then where will we be? Hmm?!"

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't stand to listen to one more second of the skull descriptions," explained Pippin. "That gag got old before the end of the first fanfic they used it in! What is so alluring about skulls, anyway?!"

"The 'authors' again?" asked Frodo.

"You can hear them too?!" asked Pippin.

"No, you're just crazy," said Frodo, shaking his head sadly. "Poor, insane Pippin."

They were interrupted by a banging sound, as the orcs decided that now would be a good time to come in and kill them.

And so various orcs came, and the Fellowship did battle with them.

"Oh, wow, I'm so impressed," said Pippin sarcastically, watching the rest of the Fellowship vaguely do battle.

What?! We described it more than Tolkien ever did!

"Yeah, your retort really fits into the narrative," Pippin continued. "You people are pathetic."

Suddenly, the cave troll that the orcs had brought with them took an interest in Pippin and began trying to eat him. Legolas noticed, and shot it in the eyes, blinding it. It stumbled around, lodged its foot in the well like a simpleton elephant would in a hanging tire, and broke its leg.

"Now who will stab me?!" wailed Frodo. "If no one stabs me, they won't pay attention to me and my shiny shirt! Waah! Waah!"

"You're not allowed to write for Frodo anymore," growled Spoofmaster at MysticButtCrystal.

The Fellowship vaguely finished vaguely doing battle against the orcs, and ran out of the room and into a great hall. More orcs followed them, and eventually cornered them. In a corner. So they were cornered.

They and the orcs just kind of stood there for a few minutes, staring at each other.

"Mr. Peanut is an abomination," said MysticButtCrystal, gazing at his can of peanuts. "He promotes the eating of his own kind."

"Like the singing dancing raisins?" asked Spoofmaster.

"Yea," said MysticButtCrystal. "And look at his face! It, like, shows no remorse!"

Indeed, the picture of Mr. Peanut on the can MysticButtCrystal was pointing to looked fairly malevolent.

"You do realize that you should just write the damn story, right?" asked Mort.

"Oh, yeah," said Spoofmaster.

A deep rumbling permeated the air. The orcs made strange hooting noises and looked around nervously for a few seconds, and then bolted. The Fellowship looked confused, until Gandalf realized what it was.

"Run!" yelled Gandalf. "It's a Ball-rog!"

The Fellowship dashed away as a light filled the entrance they had come through, and the Ball-rog rolled into view. It was a giant flaming dodge ball, with little fiery tendrils.

"Oh shit!" cried Pippin. "Tentacles!"

Tendrils, not tentacles. There's a difference.

"Oh," said Pippin, and he just ran with the others.

They ran out of the hall and into an enormous cavern with stairs going down to a bridge with an exit beyond it. They ran down them, until they came to a place where the stairs had broken and there was a gap. Frodo leapt, fell down, and died. The screen faded to black, showing the title 'Lord of the Undergarments' and gave the options 'Continue' and 'exit.' Meanwhile, Sam's voice could be heard, saying, "Frodo? What happened, Frodo? Frodo, respond! Frodooooooooooo!!"

The room flickered, and then he was back on the stairs.

"I'll use my wizard powers!" said Gandalf, banging his staff on the ground. "Arise, chicken! Chicken arise!"

And with that, the Fellowship levitated down to the bridge.

The Ball-rog bounced down after them, somehow appearing angry. The Fellowship sprinted across the bridge, Gandalf at the rear.

The Ball-rog bounced out onto the bridge behind them, but was so heavy that it just went through the bridge and fell towards its doom. It reached out with all its fiery tendrils, trying to grab onto something, and grasped Gandalf for a moment, pulling him most of the way off the jagged edge of the broken bridge so that he was hanging on for dear life.

"Gandalf!" cried Frodo, turning to run back and help his friend.

"No!" said Aragorn, stopping Frodo. "We must go! It is what he would wish!"

"The hell it is! Save me, you bastards!" yelled Gandalf. "I don't want to die!"

And with that, the Ball-rog's weight caught up to him and pulled him off. The Fellowship turned and ran again, as some orcs shot at them. It wasn't really a threat since the orcs were so crappy, but they ran anyway.

Imagine our horror when we discovered, at 3:00 on a Saturday afternoon, that we had forgotten to write a chapter this week. Then, imagine us sitting at the computer for more than an hour, combating our frustration and lack of an attention span. You've imagined it? Good. Now you know what we went through to get this out to you on time.