Battles of the Heart

Chapter 10: Resolutions and Revealing Truths

Kenshin blushed but did not say anything. Kaoru looked deep into his purple orbs, as if trying to read his soul, "Kenshin?"

Kenshin sighed, "Hai, I do love you, Kaoru-dono."

Kaoru's eyes suddenly shone with a light Kenshin had never seen before. "R-really?"

Kenshin nodded and smiled, "Hai! You are like the younger sister I never had, de gozaru yo." Kaoru's eyes lost their shine in an instant and darkened with a deep disappointment. She looked down to hide her tears. It hurt Kenshin to lie to her like that, and the sight of her disappointed face just added to the pain. What hurt most was that it was his fault her face had fallen like that. Sessha no baka! He hurt Kaoru-dono! It's his fault that she's so disappointed. The rurouni mentally slapped himself. "Are you alright, Kaoru-dono?"

Kaoru looked up, tears gone and a fake smile pasted on her melancholy features. "H-hai, Kenshin. I just-Something got stuck in my eye. That's all! Daijoubo."

Kenshin nodded and smiled kindly, but he noticed her slip of tongue. "Kaoru-dono-"

"Kenshin! I'm perfectly fine! You need to stop worrying about people!" She got up and walked away. Kenshin only stared after her; her sudden outburst had surprised him.

Kaoru's pace quickened until finally she was running. Running back to her room. Running away from Kenshin. From his hurtful words. She yanked open the shoji, slammed it behind her and collapsed on her futon, sobbing. The tears came and came. They didn't seem to want to stop, and neither did she. Her weeping was a drug, providing her with temporary relief from the pain, but as they subsided, a great emptiness filled her heart. It was so depressing that the tears would just start flowing again, and the cycle would begin all over again. Eventually, she calmed down. But a great sadness took hold and neither her heart nor her mind functioned properly anymore. "That's it! I'm sick of trying to win his heart fruitlessly! From this moment forward, my main goal is to fall out of love with that baka Kenshin Himura!" she resolved.

Kenshin finally awoke from his light slumber. I think that's been enough time for Kaoru-dono to calm down. I'll go check on her now. He raised himself onto his feet and walked quietly over to Kaoru's bedroom. When he got there, though, he didn't dare open it. Instead, he talked to her through the shoji, "Kaoru-dono? Are you feeling a little less hostile towards sessha?"

Kaoru raised her head at the sound of his voice and her heart began racing, but a little voice in the back of her mind reminded her, Stick to the plan. "Hai, I suppose I am," she answered emotionlessly.

Kenshin was surprised at her tone of voice, rather expecting something to be thrown at him, and a burst of courage surged through him. "May sessha come in?"

"Hai," she answered tonelessly.

Kenshin sighed. Maybe she was preparing to throw something at him later. He slid open the door and stepped inside, closing it behind him with a soft 'click'. "Kaoru-dono, gomen nasai for…ano…what happened before."

"Iie, it was my fault. Don't feel sorry."

"Nani? Your fault?" Kenshin was confused.

Hai, thought Kaoru, It's my fault. I was foolish enough to think I could win your heart. I'm just a little girl, a younger sister as you said yourself. "Hai, but you need not concern yourself with that." She smiled. But Kenshin noticed that the smile didn't reach her eyes.

The next morning, Kaoru walked in on Kenshin making breakfast. "Ohayou gozaimesu, Kaoru-dono!" She froze. He had sensed her.

"O-ohayou, Kenshin," she stumbled.

"Are you hungry?"

Kaoru shook her head, then realized his back was turned to her, "Iie, demo arigatou."

Kenshin turned and raised his eyebrows, "Are you sure? Just a bite?"

Kaoru was forced to agree, "Hai, I suppose just a bite wouldn't hurt." She smiled.

Again, Kenshin noticed the smile didn't reach her eyes. She sat down quietly and ate the food Kenshin placed in front of her. That's strange. Kaoru-dono always likes to talk during meals, thought Kenshin worriedly. He whipped his head around instinctively as the sound of Kaoru standing up brought him out of his reverie.

"Arigatou," Kaoru said and left without another word.

Oro? thought Kenshin.

Kaoru shook her head hopelessly, When will I ever learn?

Kenshin peeked into the front hallway. Kaoru wasn't there either. He heaved a sigh. She didn't seem to be anywhere. He walked over to the back rooms. Maybe she was in one of those… And there she was! In one of the back rooms, talking with Misao, Omasu, and Okon. Their conversation floated across to his ears. "…Arigatou, Misao-chan, Omasu-san, Okon-san. Ja!"

He flattened himself against the wall as she looked in his direction. Detaching himself from the wall, Kenshin stepped out in front of the doorway, "Kaoru-dono…" he began, but Kaoru just stalked past him coldly. "Kaoru-dono, won't you just tell me what's wrong?"

Kaoru stopped but didn't turn around. Her voice was as cold as ice, "No, Kenshin. If you haven't seen it by now, I'm not about to tell you." Her tone expressed resentment, and the disappointment from before was clearly revealed. Misao, Omasu, and Okon looked on in surprise, and Kenshin's face was showing his utter confusion. But all of a sudden, he looked as cool and calm as ever; he had placed his usual rurouni mask upon his face. Kaoru sensed this. You can't hide behind that stupid rurouni grin much longer, Kenshin.

Misao turned to Omasu and Okon, "What was that all about?" The sisters shrugged.

Kenshin trailed Kaoru out of the Aoiya and into a meadow near the marketplace. She whipped around, catching Kenshin off guard. "Ok, Kenshin. I know you want to talk to me, but you don't have to follow me around everywhere I go! If you're gonna say something, say it now. Go on! Spit it out!" she cried angrily.

Kenshin said nothing. "Are you even listening to me?"

Kenshin snapped out of his reverie. "Hai, Kaoru-dono, sessha is listening. Sessha just wanted to ask you what was wrong. Why are you so mad at sessha? If sessha knew what he had done wrong, he would be able to fix it, but he doesn't!"

Kaoru looked at him for a long moment before answering, "You think you can fix everything, don't you? If I just told you what was wrong, you'd be able to solve my problem, wouldn't you? Well, for your information, Kenshin, you can't! Like I said, if you haven't seen it already, I'm not going to tell you!" And with that, she stormed off.

Kenshin didn't say anything, What haven't I seen? What have I done? "Matte!"

Kaoru turned around, "Hai, Kenshin?"

"You're right, sessha may not be able to fix whatever he has done this time, but at least he would be able to apologize for it. Onegai, Kaoru-dono, sessha just wants to help." At his last statement, his voice softened.

Kaoru resisted the urge to run into his arms like a crying child. No! This is his fault! I'm trying to fall out of love with him, not further in! "Iie, Kenshin, I can't tell you what you've done. In order to apologize, you have to figure out what you've done yourself. But it isn't what you've done that has hurt me, it's what you haven't done, or rather, what you haven't seen." And she continued her march to wherever she was headed.

Kenshin, however, didn't move. Let's see, what hasn't sessha done? Ano, do the laundry…that's it! Maybe Kaoru-dono doesn't like her kimonos washed by anybody else other than sessha because she's so used to him doing it for her! No, that can't be it. No, sessha is being a baka. What else has sessha not done? Ano, make Kaoru-dono lunch, stop following her, kiss her. Matte! Maybe Kaoru-dono is angry because sessha has never kissed her! Sessha will go tell Kaoru-dono that he has figured it out! He ran after Kaoru with these words in mind.

Kaoru looked behind her as she heard running footsteps. "Kenshin? What are you doing, following me again?"

Kenshin stopped beside her and scratched the back of his head sheepishly, "Gomen, it's just that sessha thinks he has figured out what he was done wrong."

Kaoru raised a delicate eyebrow. "Oh?"

He nodded enthusiastically. "Hai. Sessha thinks that you are mad at him because he did not k-…" He paused. Kaoru looked at him expectantly. Matte! Kaoru-dono wouldn't want sessha to kiss her! Kaoru-dono does not love sessha! Kaoru-dono should fall in love with someone her age and whose hands are not stained with blood. Sessha does not deserve Kaoru-dono, and therefore, Kaoru-dono does not love sessha. Satisfied with his answer, Kenshin continued his sentence, "…Clean Kaoru-dono's kimono today, so you had to wear your not-so-pretty one!" He blushed. Kaoru's eyes had taken on that brilliant hue for a moment, but Kenshin's words once again dimmed them. Mentally, he hit himself as he spotted unshed tears in her eyes. Baka Kenshin! Sessha has made Kaoru-dono cry! Baka, baka, baka!

Kaoru's heart had lifted as Kenshin spoke his next words. He stumbled, but his cover-up made her cry. Baka Kenshin! Can you not see? I love you, but you do not understand, do you? But, that doesn't matter now. I will fall out of love with you, Kenshin Himura, even it's the last thing I do! Her face held an expression of such confidence and expected triumph, that Kenshin was startled.

"Oro? Kaoru-dono?"

Kaoru looked at him as if she had just noticed he was there, "Hai?" she replied exasperatedly.

"Ano…would you like to accompany me on a walk tonight? Once all my chores are done?"

Kaoru's heart leapt once more at this, but her mind stopped it short. Don't listen to him, it's not like he thinks I'm more than just another person to protect. I'm probably just another burden on his shoulders. "Arigatou, demo, iie.."

Kenshin looked into her face pleadingly, "Onegai? Please?"

Kaoru nodded in defeat, "Fine. Hai, I will accompany you on a walk."

Kenshin grinned in delight.

That evening, Kenshin found Kaoru and together they slipped out. Remember, sessha must say everything he meant to say, and everything will work out on its own. They walked in silence for a while, until Kenshin decided to break it. "Kaoru-dono, sessha believes he knows why you are so angry at him. Sessha wants to say that he is very sorry, and if there is anything sessha can do to fix it, please tell him and he will do it."

Kaoru resisted the urge to either giggle at his stupidity or get more annoyed over it. Finally, she settled on a disgruntled chuckle. "Kenshin, you have no idea what it is you are sorry for, do you? I can tell, because this is a problem you can fix, if you'd only realize what it was."

Kenshin looked down, "I do know what it is, but I cannot fix it. But anything else I ca do to ease the pain, I will do for you."

And right then, Kaoru realized the truth. He does know what he's talking about. But he says he can't fix it. Nani? What's he talking about? She sighed in defeat. I can't fight it. There's nothing I can do about it. Who am I fooling? Nobody. But I knew that. Who was I trying to fool? Myself? Kenshin? I love Kenshin, and I can't escape that fact. "I'm a little tired, Kenshin, let's go back to the Aoiya."

Kenshin smiled at her, "Of course, Kaoru-dono."

Their journey home was silent, too. Sessha loves Kaoru-dono, but sessha does not want to stain her with his bloody hands. Sessha wants to always be with Kaoru-dono, but he does not want to get so close that he taints her. Sessha loves Kaoru-dono, and there isn't anything in the world that can change that! By the time they reached the door to the inn, Kenshin had made up his mind. It's time sessha started listening to his heart, not his mind.

"Ken-san, where are you going?" asked Megumi.

Kenshin turned around, "I'm just going into town for a bit."

"Would you like me to come?"

Kenshin shook his head gently, "Iie, iie. I wouldn't want to trouble you." And he left before Megumi could say anymore.

Finally, he reached the marketplace where a large man waited for him. "Himura-san, this is the third day you've come to do some 'odd jobs' for me! I think I'm running out of odd jobs for you to do!" He laughed; it was a great jovial sound, though rather loud.

Kenshin grinned sheepishly, "I'm trying to make a little extra money."

The man nodded happily, "Well, today I just need the garden weeded, and those stones over there cut up into little pieces." Kenshin nodded and set to work.

"Unh!" panted the samurai as he sliced the last boulder. Kenshin wiped the sweat off his brow and sat down to rest for a moment.

"Kami-sama, I'm starving! I could use some real food!" he heard his employer say as he trotted down to inspect his work.

"Tokimura-san, I will cook you some lunch if you like. If you don't mind me asking, can you count it as an odd job?"

The jovial man chuckled, "That would be very nice. Hai, consider it an odd job. Arigatou!"

After lunch, Kenshin walked back to the Aoiya with a huge smile on his face. It was his first true smile in a long time. With money in his purse, he almost skipped to a stand sitting all alone. Its merchandise was quite expensive. "Excuse me, sir, but may I buy that ring please? Hai, that one. Arigatou!"

The seller smiled kindly, "I'm sure your girl will love this! Arigatou!"

Kenshin blushed and walked off, holding a beautiful ring in his hands.

"Kaoru-dono? Will you accompany me on another walk tonight? I have something very important to tell you!" Kenshin whispered in Kaoru's ear. Kaoru looked curiously at him. Her hostility toward him had almost completely vanished. She was still uncomfortably wary of him, though.

"Hai. Demo, Kenshin, I have some things to get done, so I will meet you at the cherry tree in front."

Kenshin grinned.