He he he I apologize to every1 who is reading this fic….ur IQ is probably going to drop about…oh…20 pts by the time its over….he he he isn't it great?!
Responses:
Lady LifeCharm- he he he thankx…it was random wasn't it? Excellent…thankx for the review
Dorysblue- mwahaha!!! Awesome review…thankx so mucho!!
Jenn- he he he I think "interesting" is a good way to put it…he he he im not sure the characters were accurate at all!! He he he at least I hope not, who knows…maybe elrond does have an eating problem!!! Gasp….thankx for the review!!
Saera- random…stupid as hell…no point…yeah thatz wat I was going for…he he he…
Reona- no!! don't pull an arwen…I don't think the fabric of the universe could stand the laughter!! ::tosses a bottle of Tylenol:: hopefully ull need it for this one too…::wink::wink:: thankx for the review!!
Alida-Fruit- yay im glad u liked the Thranduil bit…me likey too….omg "men in tights" so one of the best movies ever!!! Mwahaha, I always try to say "im soo heppy" ya know lyk how the chick says it, but no one ever gets it…oh vell…thankx for the review!!
Empress of Alvarra- Mwahaha!!!! I was sooo glad to get ur review as the first one…he he he im sure it was just the late hour…of course, couldn't forget the power point presentation, goodness knows how many ive had to suffer through…thankx for the review!!
The Mystery that is the Evenstar
"Hmmm….Mordor looks nice this time of year," thought Elrond as he forced his fifth twinkie into his mouth while browsing through a colorful travel pamphlet , one of many littering his desk.
"Oh Elrond," said Haldir, who was in Rivendell because the author didn't especially feel like introducing any new characters I mean because Galadriel had finally become supersaturated with annoyance at the elf and sent him away to bother the Imladris elves for a few years. "Your secret shipment of travel brochures and twinkies has arrived."
"Haldir, if it was a secret shipment, how do you know about it?"
"Uhh…checking for letter bombs?" suggested the nosy elf with a half-hearted shrug.
"Suuure you…wait did you say twinkies?" And off he ran to claim his golden, creamy, artery clogging love. Life was good…if only it weren't for the reason Elrond was gathering travel brochures from far and wide; namely, his beautiful and nerve gratingly annoying daughter Arwen.
Now, he loved his daughter of course, but an elf's delicate ears can only take so much. Plus, he had overheard snippets of conversations between other Imladris elves which included but were not limited to words such as revolt…mutiny…torture…lynching…So, he had decided to send Arwen on a…er…vacation. Yeah, a vacation…that makes it sound nice…
The only problem was *where* to send her, for the maiden was banned from most lands of Middle Earth and several sections of Valinor. It was a difficult situation.
Elrond moved back to his desk, laden with twinkies and ding dongs ( the Hostess people had thrown in a few boxes of those as well since he was such a valued customer. Do you realize how much it cost to ship twinkies to Middle Earth?! Nah, neither do I…)
"Haldir, gehoufonbeindozcutins!!" yelled Elrond in what he hoped was an intimidating voice, but its rather difficult to be very intimidating when your mouth is filled with scrumdidlyumptious treats.
Poking his head out from behind the hanging panels of velvet, Haldir said, "You talking to me?"
After taking a swig of nice, cold, frosty milk (did they have cows in middle earth? Heh…as if it would change anything…) Elrond said, "Yes! Get out from behind those curtains!!"
Silence.
"Haldir I already know you're there."
"Curse you and your elven gift of foresight Peredhil!!"
However, Haldir decided to ignore the elf-lord's demand and went to stand behind him, looking over his shoulder.
"Did you know you got a reply from Galadriel and Celeborn?"
"Did you know it's really annoying when someone reads over your shoulder?" replied Elrond as he shuffled through his papers, searching for the missive from his woodland in-laws.. With a cry of victory, he held the letter aloft and tried to break the seal but soon realized it was already broken, at which point Haldir began to whistle innocently.
Rolling his eyes, Elrond began to read the letter:
Elrond, though we, the ruling elves of Lorien, have taken much consideration into your application for admission to our realm on behalf of your daughter, Arwen Undomiel, we regret to inform you that your request has been denied. Unfortunately, Lorien has been closed for fumigation. We are currently under a rather fierce attack of locusts and telemarketers. As you might imagine, we're going to be closed for business and visitors for, oh, the rest of the age. Once again, you have our condolences. Kiss kiss…Galadriel and Celeborn Inc.
P.S. Tell Haldir he's weird ::snicker::snicker::
"Typical…" muttered Elrond as he unwrapped his umpteenth twinkie, simultaneously swatting away Haldir's hand as the Lorien elf reached to grab one of the treats. No one messes with Elrond's food…
Rubbing his hand and pouting, Haldir asked, "Where is Arwen, anyway?"
"Oh, I locked her into her room."
"So that's why that whole wing is closed down."
"Yup"
CRASH… "Out of the way, peasant!"
"Ahhh my eye!! Hey…is this a ruby…?"
"I see that Thranduil...the king…has arrived," muttered Elrond.
Moments later the doors to Elrond's study swung open to reveal Thranduil…the king… and his ::drool:: dashing son.
"Hello Thranduil…the king…What brings you to Imladris?"
"Oh, you see…we're uh…traveling," said Thranduil…the king… with a conspiratory glance at his son.
"Yeeesss…traaaveling…" drawled Legolas with a large and completely obvious wink at his father.
"What is that supposed to mean?" asked Haldir
"WHY DO YOU ASK?! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!! DIE ELF-BOY!!" cried Legolas as he whipped out his bow and strung an arrow before you could say "Damn that's one hot elf…" and drool a bit…
"Whoa, Legolas," said Thranduil…the king… "We don't have anything to hide from our friends."
"No, of course we don't," said Legolas as he quickly lowered his bow.
"Whatever," said Elrond. The duo's reasons for "traveling" were probably illegal or immoral and quite possibly both, but hey he was the king after all. Who's going to stop him? "I have enough problems of my own. I had hoped to send Arwen to Lorien for a while, you know give my ears, I mean my people, a break from her constant laughter, but unfortunately it appears a plague of locusts and telemarketers has befallen the fair land."
"Oh? Uh, them too, eh?" asked Thranduil…the king…, thinking to himself, 'No way am I taking that bullet…'
"If only we knew *why* she had this affliction. Then we could try to solve it and *nobody* would have to suffer. Oh yeah and I guess it would benefit her too," added Haldir.
Thranduil…the king… and Elrond simply nodded their agreement while Legolas started fidgeting and said nervously, "Yeah…if only…that would be great…but too bad so sad. Hey look at the time! Well its been fun, come on Ada…the king…lets be on our merry way…"
"Wait just one minute, Mr. Prince…" said Elrond, looking the younger elf straight in the eye. "Did you take one of my twinkies?"
"Uh, no," said Legolas, no one noticing Thranduil…the king… shoving a twinkie box further into his robes.
"Ok, just making sure…"
"Now if that's it, we'll just be going now," said Legolas, grabbing his father while he quickly backed out of the room.
He was almost home free when a candle appeared over Haldir's head (no electricity, you know) and he said, "Hey hold on! I think he knows what happened to Arwen!"
The hot young elf prince quickly found himself surround by the looming faces of three agitated elf-lords. He nervously screeched, "What?! I don't know anything…Really!! I mean its not as if when Arwen and I were kids we were messing around in Elrond's library where we found a book of spells and I accidentally , well ok not accidentally, put a curse on Arwen and she's been laughing since…I mean…he he he…come on! That's…ridiculous?"
Three intense glares, one very large un-elflike gulp. Why did he have to open his big fat mouth?
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::whine:: "But Ada….I don't wanna!!"
"::giggle::giggle:: But Legolas…::snort:: we'll have so much ::laugh:: fun!!"
"Well, Legolas, maybe next time you will think before placing a curse on someone…"
::grumble::grumble::
The older elves were watching as Legolas and Arwen sat perched atop horses, the noses of their noble steeds pointed towards the lovely prince's home. Apparently, Elrond and Thranduil…the king… had decided that Legolas' punishment would be to suffer Arwen's presence…I mean host the comely maiden in his woodland home.
"I shall go on ahead and, uh, take care of that…traveling…" said Thranduil to his son with a look over his shoulder at the other elves, who took the moment to look everywhere but at the two elves in an attempt to pretend that they hadn't been listening to the conversation.
"And take heart in what Gandalf said regarding this matter, Legolas," advised Elrond. "The curse should wear out in one thousand years…two thousand top."
::sigh:: "Thanks Elrond."
"Well off you go. Remember to write sweetheart."
"::tee he he:: of course Ada!! ::chortle:: Bye! ::guffaw:: Kiss kiss…"
As Haldir, Elrond and Thranduil…the king… watched the two youngsters ride off into the distance, the echo of Arwen's laughter echoing through the valley, Elrond turned to Thranduil and said, "Why the hell do we say…the king…every time we say your name?"
"Who knows…" replied Thranduil…the king… with a shrug….
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Fin…
Stupid, I know…but hey at least I wont be offended if u want to review and tell me that its stupid!! Ill even agree with u!! so review, u have no excuse!!