The Yaoi Adventures of Hugo And Other Suikoden Weirdness
Disclaimer: Be very, very quiet. I'm huntin' Suikoden. In other words, I don't own it. Thus is the ever going frustration. Oh, well. Fic time.
Adventure #3: I Know Who You Did Last Summer
Hugo lay in one of the beds used for the Budehuc infirmary. Both his arms and legs hung in the air in large casts. Though he hadn't broken them they were sprained horribly.
"Some Flame Champion you are," Nash commented sarcastically on the bed next to Hugo.
"Hey! It's not my fault! My pants were being mended!" Hugo cried trying to keep what dignity he had left, "And what about you!? You got thrown through a wall!"
"I suppose that is my fault for choosing to stand in the hall whenever I'm out of the party."
"Heh," Hugo snuffed triumphantly.
"Well, we gotta stay for the day until our wounds heal anyway."
"What do you mean wounds? You don't have a scrape on you!"
"Yay, don't you just love plot holes?"
Hugo realizing the opportunity the author was giving him smiled devilishly.
"Hey, Nash? I got a real fun activity for us while we wait."
"Mm?" the older man perked.
"You see, it involves you taking off both our cloths and you getting on top of me."
"Really, that sounds very interesting."
Nash got up and did as Hugo said.
"Like this right?" Nash asked sitting on Hugo's stomach.
"Yay, that's right."
"So, what's the fun activity?"
-------------------
Sasarai sat calmly upon a hill near Budehuc castle. He looked on as cute little goombas and koopa troopas played in the fields in front of him. It was nice to relax every once in a while. He had been training hard for the upcoming battle.
"Mmmm, what a lovely day," he said to himself as some paratroopas flocked by.
"Sasarai!"
Sasarai looked back to see who was calling him. He saw Luc running up to him, tears running down his face.
"Sasarai!" the twin whaled again.
Sighing, Sasarai got up and waited for Luc to come over.
"What is it, Luc?" Sasarai answered begrudgingly.
"My mask!" Luc cried throwing himself into Sasarai's arms.
Sasarai glanced about, hoping no one was near to see this spectacle. Frowning out of annoyance he put his hand on Luc's shoulder to reassure him.
"Yes, Luc, it was destroyed back in the True Water runes ruins."
"But, but, but. I want it back!" Luc sobbed on Sasarai's shoulder.
"It's broken, you idgit! You can't get it back!"
"Waaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!"
Sasarai held his ears as Luc screamed awfully. Suddenly, he noticed a shyguy walk by.
"Wait right here, Luc," Sasarai said.
Luc wiped his tears and stood up again. Sasarai then leaped at the shyguy. Upon catching it he ripped it's mask off. The shyguy made a croaking sound, spun a few times, imitated Jim Carry as Ace Ventura, recited the first four lines of the lumberjack song, and then promptly fell over dead.
"Well, you don't see that everyday. I guess that's how you kill them."
Sasarai stared at it for a few before reverting his gaze to his crying twin. He then handed the shyguy mask to Luc who looked at it quizzically.
"Here, a mask. Happy, now?" Sasarai asked in a very irritated tone.
"Um, well." Luc stuttered.
"What?" Sasarai exasperated.
"It's just not the same." Luc complained pitifully.
Ah, GEEZ, Luc! You're such a brat!"
Luc began to cry again throwing himself into Sasarai. Sasarai, just about ready to snap, counted to ten in his head before using a fake consoling voice.
"It's alright, Luc," he said with clenched teeth, "We'll just go find a new one for you."
Luc perked up immediately.
"Really!?" he squealed.
"Yes," Sasarai said, though he felt he was going to regret this.
"Yay! I'll go get Yuber and Sarah! We can all go together like one big happy family!"
And so Luc skipped away. Sasarai couldn't help but notice the odd trail of flowers that were now sprouting up from where Luc touched the ground. Whether that was a good sign or not, he wasn't sure. Slapping himself several times he trudged back to Budehuc castle.
"God. I. hate. him."
-----------------
The bar lay dark and silent. The only sounds that could be heard was the padding of lizard feet and the occasional cough. Suddenly, a spotlight shown on the stage. There stood Dupa, dark shades caressing his snout, holding up a microphone to his wide mouth.
"You all ready to rumble!!!" the lizard leader yelled to the large crowd in front of him.
"Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!" the crowd yelled back.
"A'ight!" Dupa yelled.
Suddenly, another spotlight shown on a DJ Peggi and two more on Bazba and Shiba, who apparently were back-up singers. Yet another spotlight shown on Nei, Toppo, and Shabon, all of whom were wearing ridiculously oversized pants and strange berets. As the musicians and Peggi began playing their respective instruments mysterious loud, obnoxious rap music began thumping through the room. And thus the mystery of how Nei, Toppo, and Shabon could play any sound any other instrument could make with just a tambourine, guitar, and violin was left for yet another day.
"A shizzy-ah-ah-nizzy I wanna gizzy you tonight!" Dupa sang in a weird broken and poetic way.
"Doop doop doop doop!" Bazba and Shiba droned in the background.
"Viky-viky," said Peggi's records as he scratched them with his claws.
"Hey-ho hey-ho!" the crowd cheered as they created a swaying mosh pit.
"Yay, that right, foo! Bean-bean and over the river to grandma's house we go!"
"Doop doop doop doop!"
"Viky-viky-viky-vik!"
"Hey-ho hey-ho!"
"Toil, toil and bubble! Click yer heals three times mofo!"
As the excitement went on Nadir and Anne got some strobe lights ready and soon unleashed the rainbow colors about the room. It was amazing the amount of excitement that filled the bar. Men were being drowned in beer by large breasted whores, children ran about wildly, Dupa and company bounded about on stage doing strange hand gestures, even Elliot was break dancing on the floor in a circle of whooping men. If one didn't know any better they'd say it was an Eminem concert.
The song went on bringing with it excitement and strange fashion senses. Finally, the song ended.
"Doo-waaaaaa!" Bazba and Shiba ended in an incredibly rhythmical barber shop way.
"Thank you, thank you. Thank you very much," Dupa bowed.
"Father my children!" Lilly yelled.
Everyone looked at her horrified.
"What? He's sexy for a lizard."
"You sick, twisted." Jacques spoke up.
Dupa burst into tears as Bazba and Shiba tried to console him.
"Kill her! Kill the witch!" the crowd yelled.
"Wha.?" Lilly stuttered.
The crowd pounced Lilly instantly. Meanwhile, the author cackled with glee.
-----------------
"And a one and a two." Kenji was performing his usual exercises out at the ranch.
"And then, he tried recruiting me." Jeane spoke as she and Apple walked down the path toward the ranch.
"Oh, dear," Apple said when she suddenly noticed Kenji.
"What - er - oh, dear," Jeane imitated after seeing what Apple saw as well.
Both women stood frozen for a moment too afraid to move. Kenji, without noticing them, bent over, allowing his, um, how shall I say this, Grand Canyon to show for all the world to see. Both Apple and Jeane's eye widened.
"I, I think I'm going to be sick." Jeane moaned.
"It's like a train wreck, you can't keep your eyes off it," Apple surmised tentatively.
Kenji then stretched upward allowing his, hmm, best way to not make it seem disgusting, rrr, cauliflower to shine brightly from his armpits.
"Oh, dear." Apple said.
"Excuse me," Jeane spoke quickly while turning a very nasty shade of green.
Kenji then cracked his knuckles making a sickening sound equivalent to that of a lion ripping apart it's pry, while still alive.
"Gahhhh." Apple couldn't speak anymore she was too horrified.
Jeane promptly threw up in a nearby bush. Finally, Kenji did the last of his sinful deeds and took off his shirt. *The monstrous description of the next sentence has been cut out to protect those with weak minds, stomachs, bladders, heart problems, and women who are pregnant*
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Apple shrieked.
Jeane just fainted as Apple ran off leaving a storm of dust in her wake.
Kenji turned to where he had heard the screaming. With a quirk of his eyebrow he continued with his exercise.
-----------------
"Oh, Percival, you're the only one for me," Chris whispered as she clung to his arm.
"Whatever," Percival responded.
For some reason Percival never showed his true feelings for Chris. But, of course, if he did then Borus and Leo would beat the crap out of him. He chuckled to himself, how funny it was that he and Chris were really in love but kept it a secret. Even so, Percival planned to become the most loved man of all and would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. Chris found this even more amazing about her love. This way, when he became the most loved man no woman could take him because he was hers.
Chris looked up at Percival and leaned into his face. Percival felt, since no one was looking, to kiss her, but, before either of them came that far they noticed a small bush sitting directly in front of them that wasn't there before. Suddenly, Thomas poked his head out of the bush.
"Uh, hello, Thomas," Chris greeted a bit tentatively.
"Percival," Thomas spoke in a low voice so no one would hear.
"Yes?" the handsome knight asked.
"I need your help," Thomas continued.
"For what?" Both Chris and Percival had become interested.
"I need help keeping those fangirls away from me," Thomas concluded nervously while whipping the smooch marks on his face.
"Oh, Thomas!" some random fangirl yelled holding some rope while another next to her held a chair.
Chris cringed a little while Percival smiled.
"Do you, think you can help me?"
"Oh, Percy." Chris chimed in.
"Don't call me that," Percival said annoyed.
"Sorry, it's just such a cute nickname," she apologized, "I just think that since Thomas is so cute."
"Not you too."
"Don't worry, Thomas, I got my man."
Both Chris and Percival rubbed their cheeks together happily.
"Uh, right." Thomas said as he looked on bored.
"Ah, yes, anyway. Percival, I think we should help him."
"OK, but you have to help me in return," Percival said while smiling somewhat wickedly.
"Um, *gulp* OK."
"I'll help you if you let me take all the fangirls."
"All the fangirls?"
"Yes!" Percival leapt on top of a large stone and posed somewhat similar to that of a Power Ranger, "Because once I get all the fangirls to love me, I'll be the most untouchable man alive! Ahahahahahahahhah!"
"A bit nuts, don't you think?" Thomas commented.
"Oh, you get used to it," Chris waved off.
Percival zipped back and put his arm around Chris's waste.
"So, we got a deal?"
"Uh, sure," Thomas smiled somewhat fearfully.
Percival and Chris then looked at each other smiling.
"To the mall!" they both sang out and pointed their fingers to the sky.
"Great, I have just put my life into the hands of two wacky whacky lovers. Why do I feel a cliché coming on?" Thomas groaned.
-----------------
Juan lay silently at his fighting dojo dreaming of pretty women and what he would like to do to them. Yes, it was a nice dream, involving much alcohol and little plastic toys. Juan's dream self was just about to insert his -
"Hey! Juan wake up!" a shrill voice screamed.
Juan's eyes bugged out as Kidd stuck his face close to his. Juan stared absolutely frightened, as the puddle of pee would hint at anyway.
"Juan! Why are you asleep!?" the young detective shouted.
Meanwhile, off in another dimension.
"Did you all just hear that?" Terra asked.
Locke, Edger, and Sabin all looked up from the card game that Setzer was currently beating them at.
"Hear what?" Locke asked.
"I heard a really shrill child's voice shriek just a second ago," Terra explained.
"Gau! Give me back my paintbrush!" Relm screamed while running through the room after the wild boy.
"Gauuuuuuuuu!!!" Gau yelped as he tried to stay out of her grasp.
The five adults stared for a minute before returning to their previous activities.
"Guess that answers my question," Terra mumbled to herself.
Back in the world of Suikoden, Juan was trying desperately to think of a plan of escape so to get away from the hyper Kidd. It scared Juan how quickly Kidd could move. He was one place one second and then another the next second.
"So, watcha dream about!? Were you comfy!? Why do you sleep like that!? Are all really lazy people like you strong!? Why do I ask so many questions!? I really am nosy, aren't I!? But I just love to know things! Wait, that wasn't a question!" Kidd babbled endlessly.
Juan was increasing in sweat drops. He didn't want to die. He remembered the last time someone listened to Kidd blab constantly. Poor Gau, thank goodness Tuta knew brain surgery.
"And you know what else!?" Kidd pronounced grandly.
Juan thought frantically, and then.
"Look, a monster!" Juan yelled.
"Oh, I better get in support so I can watch!"
Kidd quickly got behind Juan.
"Hmm, I don't see any monsters."
"Oh, that's because. he. is startled by noise," Juan spoke quickly.
"Ah, right! I'll be real quiet!"
And Kidd did be quiet. Juan waited for a few minutes before going back to sleep.
"Hmm, you can't fight until the monster hits you so." Kidd whispered for what seemed like the first time in his life.
Juan didn't hear him, of course, and dreamed on about sticking his.
-----------------
"Breadstick?" Mamie asked her current blonde customer.
"No thanks," Borus answered.
"Oh, but they're special breadsticks," Mamie pressed on.
Borus looked at her for a few with a skeptical look.
"Well, alright." Borus said slowly.
"Oh, thank you, sir!" Mamie hopped a few times.
Taking one of the breadsticks in Mamie's basket, Borus brought it to his lips and crunched down. He was soon hit by a wave of wonderful flavor. Rainbow colors swirled about him creating all sorts of cool images. He danced with colorful, fuzzy bears and skeletons and even Chris showed up in nothing but a very skimpy two-piece bikini.
"Come on big man." Chris said as she curled a finger for him to come closer.
Borus took this as an invitation and leapt forward soon crushing his face into the large bouncy boobs.
"Ack! Borus! Get your face outta my breasts!" Mamie shrieked defiantly as Borus caressed her with his face.
But nothing would stop him from his delusional escapade and so he held on possessively.
"Dammit! I knew I shouldn't have bought that new "weed" stuff that Scott started selling at the trade shop!" Mamie continued whaling.
"Mmm, Chris."
-----------------
Hugo still lay, fully clothed now, on the infirmary bed. Nash had left after Tuta had rechecked him saying he was fine after all. Hugo didn't feel bad now though, in fact he felt very good. So relaxed and comfortable. Just then, the door opened and in walked Goro, Barts, Aila, and older Viki.
"Hello, Hugo!" Aila greeted with a rather large grin.
"Uh, hi guys," Hugo responded.
"Viki here has something to show you," Barts spoke very happily.
Viki showed a small clipboard in front of Hugo. His eyes went wide when he realized all the names on it.
"Huh? These are the names of all the guys in Budehuc!"
"Quite right!" Aila said cheerfully.
"But, Aila, Viki, how would you know about.?" Hugo stuttered.
"Heh, heh, apparently they saw us in the bath," Goro spoke a little embarrassed.
"And they forced him to tell about me," Barts followed up.
"Hee hee, we know all about your little secret," Viki giggled childishly.
"So, what's this all about?" Hugo asked.
"Well." Aila laughed while circling her finger around Hugo's nose.
"They want to help you get more guys," Goro broke in cheerfully.
"Oh!?" Hugo brightened.
"Of course! You can't get every guy all by yourself!" Aila answered gleefully.
"Yes, so we made a list of all the potential candidates for you to chase after," Viki spoke up.
"Oh, wow, you're the coolest you guys!"
"Yay!" Aila threw her arms around Hugo and hugged him tightly.
"Ahhhhh! Too tight!" Hugo yelled as pain surged through his body.
"Oh, dear!"
Aila cupped her hands around her mouth as Hugo lay limp, drool dripping out his mouth as he moaned in agony.
"Ha ha! I guess we're off to a good start!" Barts laughed heartily.
THE END
After Words: Ah, another chapter done. What was I thinking with that Mario thing? Heh, it worked anyway. I will never stop the lizard rap movement! Bwahahaaha! I hope someone gets the breadstick joke right after the Juan story. On another note, do send reviews. Some of you may win snazzy prizes. (Some Suikoden girls in bikinis walk up with snazzy prizes) Like a new car! No, not really, but do send your thoughts. Bee bye for now.
-TrekTournament
Disclaimer: Be very, very quiet. I'm huntin' Suikoden. In other words, I don't own it. Thus is the ever going frustration. Oh, well. Fic time.
Adventure #3: I Know Who You Did Last Summer
Hugo lay in one of the beds used for the Budehuc infirmary. Both his arms and legs hung in the air in large casts. Though he hadn't broken them they were sprained horribly.
"Some Flame Champion you are," Nash commented sarcastically on the bed next to Hugo.
"Hey! It's not my fault! My pants were being mended!" Hugo cried trying to keep what dignity he had left, "And what about you!? You got thrown through a wall!"
"I suppose that is my fault for choosing to stand in the hall whenever I'm out of the party."
"Heh," Hugo snuffed triumphantly.
"Well, we gotta stay for the day until our wounds heal anyway."
"What do you mean wounds? You don't have a scrape on you!"
"Yay, don't you just love plot holes?"
Hugo realizing the opportunity the author was giving him smiled devilishly.
"Hey, Nash? I got a real fun activity for us while we wait."
"Mm?" the older man perked.
"You see, it involves you taking off both our cloths and you getting on top of me."
"Really, that sounds very interesting."
Nash got up and did as Hugo said.
"Like this right?" Nash asked sitting on Hugo's stomach.
"Yay, that's right."
"So, what's the fun activity?"
-------------------
Sasarai sat calmly upon a hill near Budehuc castle. He looked on as cute little goombas and koopa troopas played in the fields in front of him. It was nice to relax every once in a while. He had been training hard for the upcoming battle.
"Mmmm, what a lovely day," he said to himself as some paratroopas flocked by.
"Sasarai!"
Sasarai looked back to see who was calling him. He saw Luc running up to him, tears running down his face.
"Sasarai!" the twin whaled again.
Sighing, Sasarai got up and waited for Luc to come over.
"What is it, Luc?" Sasarai answered begrudgingly.
"My mask!" Luc cried throwing himself into Sasarai's arms.
Sasarai glanced about, hoping no one was near to see this spectacle. Frowning out of annoyance he put his hand on Luc's shoulder to reassure him.
"Yes, Luc, it was destroyed back in the True Water runes ruins."
"But, but, but. I want it back!" Luc sobbed on Sasarai's shoulder.
"It's broken, you idgit! You can't get it back!"
"Waaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!"
Sasarai held his ears as Luc screamed awfully. Suddenly, he noticed a shyguy walk by.
"Wait right here, Luc," Sasarai said.
Luc wiped his tears and stood up again. Sasarai then leaped at the shyguy. Upon catching it he ripped it's mask off. The shyguy made a croaking sound, spun a few times, imitated Jim Carry as Ace Ventura, recited the first four lines of the lumberjack song, and then promptly fell over dead.
"Well, you don't see that everyday. I guess that's how you kill them."
Sasarai stared at it for a few before reverting his gaze to his crying twin. He then handed the shyguy mask to Luc who looked at it quizzically.
"Here, a mask. Happy, now?" Sasarai asked in a very irritated tone.
"Um, well." Luc stuttered.
"What?" Sasarai exasperated.
"It's just not the same." Luc complained pitifully.
Ah, GEEZ, Luc! You're such a brat!"
Luc began to cry again throwing himself into Sasarai. Sasarai, just about ready to snap, counted to ten in his head before using a fake consoling voice.
"It's alright, Luc," he said with clenched teeth, "We'll just go find a new one for you."
Luc perked up immediately.
"Really!?" he squealed.
"Yes," Sasarai said, though he felt he was going to regret this.
"Yay! I'll go get Yuber and Sarah! We can all go together like one big happy family!"
And so Luc skipped away. Sasarai couldn't help but notice the odd trail of flowers that were now sprouting up from where Luc touched the ground. Whether that was a good sign or not, he wasn't sure. Slapping himself several times he trudged back to Budehuc castle.
"God. I. hate. him."
-----------------
The bar lay dark and silent. The only sounds that could be heard was the padding of lizard feet and the occasional cough. Suddenly, a spotlight shown on the stage. There stood Dupa, dark shades caressing his snout, holding up a microphone to his wide mouth.
"You all ready to rumble!!!" the lizard leader yelled to the large crowd in front of him.
"Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!" the crowd yelled back.
"A'ight!" Dupa yelled.
Suddenly, another spotlight shown on a DJ Peggi and two more on Bazba and Shiba, who apparently were back-up singers. Yet another spotlight shown on Nei, Toppo, and Shabon, all of whom were wearing ridiculously oversized pants and strange berets. As the musicians and Peggi began playing their respective instruments mysterious loud, obnoxious rap music began thumping through the room. And thus the mystery of how Nei, Toppo, and Shabon could play any sound any other instrument could make with just a tambourine, guitar, and violin was left for yet another day.
"A shizzy-ah-ah-nizzy I wanna gizzy you tonight!" Dupa sang in a weird broken and poetic way.
"Doop doop doop doop!" Bazba and Shiba droned in the background.
"Viky-viky," said Peggi's records as he scratched them with his claws.
"Hey-ho hey-ho!" the crowd cheered as they created a swaying mosh pit.
"Yay, that right, foo! Bean-bean and over the river to grandma's house we go!"
"Doop doop doop doop!"
"Viky-viky-viky-vik!"
"Hey-ho hey-ho!"
"Toil, toil and bubble! Click yer heals three times mofo!"
As the excitement went on Nadir and Anne got some strobe lights ready and soon unleashed the rainbow colors about the room. It was amazing the amount of excitement that filled the bar. Men were being drowned in beer by large breasted whores, children ran about wildly, Dupa and company bounded about on stage doing strange hand gestures, even Elliot was break dancing on the floor in a circle of whooping men. If one didn't know any better they'd say it was an Eminem concert.
The song went on bringing with it excitement and strange fashion senses. Finally, the song ended.
"Doo-waaaaaa!" Bazba and Shiba ended in an incredibly rhythmical barber shop way.
"Thank you, thank you. Thank you very much," Dupa bowed.
"Father my children!" Lilly yelled.
Everyone looked at her horrified.
"What? He's sexy for a lizard."
"You sick, twisted." Jacques spoke up.
Dupa burst into tears as Bazba and Shiba tried to console him.
"Kill her! Kill the witch!" the crowd yelled.
"Wha.?" Lilly stuttered.
The crowd pounced Lilly instantly. Meanwhile, the author cackled with glee.
-----------------
"And a one and a two." Kenji was performing his usual exercises out at the ranch.
"And then, he tried recruiting me." Jeane spoke as she and Apple walked down the path toward the ranch.
"Oh, dear," Apple said when she suddenly noticed Kenji.
"What - er - oh, dear," Jeane imitated after seeing what Apple saw as well.
Both women stood frozen for a moment too afraid to move. Kenji, without noticing them, bent over, allowing his, um, how shall I say this, Grand Canyon to show for all the world to see. Both Apple and Jeane's eye widened.
"I, I think I'm going to be sick." Jeane moaned.
"It's like a train wreck, you can't keep your eyes off it," Apple surmised tentatively.
Kenji then stretched upward allowing his, hmm, best way to not make it seem disgusting, rrr, cauliflower to shine brightly from his armpits.
"Oh, dear." Apple said.
"Excuse me," Jeane spoke quickly while turning a very nasty shade of green.
Kenji then cracked his knuckles making a sickening sound equivalent to that of a lion ripping apart it's pry, while still alive.
"Gahhhh." Apple couldn't speak anymore she was too horrified.
Jeane promptly threw up in a nearby bush. Finally, Kenji did the last of his sinful deeds and took off his shirt. *The monstrous description of the next sentence has been cut out to protect those with weak minds, stomachs, bladders, heart problems, and women who are pregnant*
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Apple shrieked.
Jeane just fainted as Apple ran off leaving a storm of dust in her wake.
Kenji turned to where he had heard the screaming. With a quirk of his eyebrow he continued with his exercise.
-----------------
"Oh, Percival, you're the only one for me," Chris whispered as she clung to his arm.
"Whatever," Percival responded.
For some reason Percival never showed his true feelings for Chris. But, of course, if he did then Borus and Leo would beat the crap out of him. He chuckled to himself, how funny it was that he and Chris were really in love but kept it a secret. Even so, Percival planned to become the most loved man of all and would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. Chris found this even more amazing about her love. This way, when he became the most loved man no woman could take him because he was hers.
Chris looked up at Percival and leaned into his face. Percival felt, since no one was looking, to kiss her, but, before either of them came that far they noticed a small bush sitting directly in front of them that wasn't there before. Suddenly, Thomas poked his head out of the bush.
"Uh, hello, Thomas," Chris greeted a bit tentatively.
"Percival," Thomas spoke in a low voice so no one would hear.
"Yes?" the handsome knight asked.
"I need your help," Thomas continued.
"For what?" Both Chris and Percival had become interested.
"I need help keeping those fangirls away from me," Thomas concluded nervously while whipping the smooch marks on his face.
"Oh, Thomas!" some random fangirl yelled holding some rope while another next to her held a chair.
Chris cringed a little while Percival smiled.
"Do you, think you can help me?"
"Oh, Percy." Chris chimed in.
"Don't call me that," Percival said annoyed.
"Sorry, it's just such a cute nickname," she apologized, "I just think that since Thomas is so cute."
"Not you too."
"Don't worry, Thomas, I got my man."
Both Chris and Percival rubbed their cheeks together happily.
"Uh, right." Thomas said as he looked on bored.
"Ah, yes, anyway. Percival, I think we should help him."
"OK, but you have to help me in return," Percival said while smiling somewhat wickedly.
"Um, *gulp* OK."
"I'll help you if you let me take all the fangirls."
"All the fangirls?"
"Yes!" Percival leapt on top of a large stone and posed somewhat similar to that of a Power Ranger, "Because once I get all the fangirls to love me, I'll be the most untouchable man alive! Ahahahahahahahhah!"
"A bit nuts, don't you think?" Thomas commented.
"Oh, you get used to it," Chris waved off.
Percival zipped back and put his arm around Chris's waste.
"So, we got a deal?"
"Uh, sure," Thomas smiled somewhat fearfully.
Percival and Chris then looked at each other smiling.
"To the mall!" they both sang out and pointed their fingers to the sky.
"Great, I have just put my life into the hands of two wacky whacky lovers. Why do I feel a cliché coming on?" Thomas groaned.
-----------------
Juan lay silently at his fighting dojo dreaming of pretty women and what he would like to do to them. Yes, it was a nice dream, involving much alcohol and little plastic toys. Juan's dream self was just about to insert his -
"Hey! Juan wake up!" a shrill voice screamed.
Juan's eyes bugged out as Kidd stuck his face close to his. Juan stared absolutely frightened, as the puddle of pee would hint at anyway.
"Juan! Why are you asleep!?" the young detective shouted.
Meanwhile, off in another dimension.
"Did you all just hear that?" Terra asked.
Locke, Edger, and Sabin all looked up from the card game that Setzer was currently beating them at.
"Hear what?" Locke asked.
"I heard a really shrill child's voice shriek just a second ago," Terra explained.
"Gau! Give me back my paintbrush!" Relm screamed while running through the room after the wild boy.
"Gauuuuuuuuu!!!" Gau yelped as he tried to stay out of her grasp.
The five adults stared for a minute before returning to their previous activities.
"Guess that answers my question," Terra mumbled to herself.
Back in the world of Suikoden, Juan was trying desperately to think of a plan of escape so to get away from the hyper Kidd. It scared Juan how quickly Kidd could move. He was one place one second and then another the next second.
"So, watcha dream about!? Were you comfy!? Why do you sleep like that!? Are all really lazy people like you strong!? Why do I ask so many questions!? I really am nosy, aren't I!? But I just love to know things! Wait, that wasn't a question!" Kidd babbled endlessly.
Juan was increasing in sweat drops. He didn't want to die. He remembered the last time someone listened to Kidd blab constantly. Poor Gau, thank goodness Tuta knew brain surgery.
"And you know what else!?" Kidd pronounced grandly.
Juan thought frantically, and then.
"Look, a monster!" Juan yelled.
"Oh, I better get in support so I can watch!"
Kidd quickly got behind Juan.
"Hmm, I don't see any monsters."
"Oh, that's because. he. is startled by noise," Juan spoke quickly.
"Ah, right! I'll be real quiet!"
And Kidd did be quiet. Juan waited for a few minutes before going back to sleep.
"Hmm, you can't fight until the monster hits you so." Kidd whispered for what seemed like the first time in his life.
Juan didn't hear him, of course, and dreamed on about sticking his.
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"Breadstick?" Mamie asked her current blonde customer.
"No thanks," Borus answered.
"Oh, but they're special breadsticks," Mamie pressed on.
Borus looked at her for a few with a skeptical look.
"Well, alright." Borus said slowly.
"Oh, thank you, sir!" Mamie hopped a few times.
Taking one of the breadsticks in Mamie's basket, Borus brought it to his lips and crunched down. He was soon hit by a wave of wonderful flavor. Rainbow colors swirled about him creating all sorts of cool images. He danced with colorful, fuzzy bears and skeletons and even Chris showed up in nothing but a very skimpy two-piece bikini.
"Come on big man." Chris said as she curled a finger for him to come closer.
Borus took this as an invitation and leapt forward soon crushing his face into the large bouncy boobs.
"Ack! Borus! Get your face outta my breasts!" Mamie shrieked defiantly as Borus caressed her with his face.
But nothing would stop him from his delusional escapade and so he held on possessively.
"Dammit! I knew I shouldn't have bought that new "weed" stuff that Scott started selling at the trade shop!" Mamie continued whaling.
"Mmm, Chris."
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Hugo still lay, fully clothed now, on the infirmary bed. Nash had left after Tuta had rechecked him saying he was fine after all. Hugo didn't feel bad now though, in fact he felt very good. So relaxed and comfortable. Just then, the door opened and in walked Goro, Barts, Aila, and older Viki.
"Hello, Hugo!" Aila greeted with a rather large grin.
"Uh, hi guys," Hugo responded.
"Viki here has something to show you," Barts spoke very happily.
Viki showed a small clipboard in front of Hugo. His eyes went wide when he realized all the names on it.
"Huh? These are the names of all the guys in Budehuc!"
"Quite right!" Aila said cheerfully.
"But, Aila, Viki, how would you know about.?" Hugo stuttered.
"Heh, heh, apparently they saw us in the bath," Goro spoke a little embarrassed.
"And they forced him to tell about me," Barts followed up.
"Hee hee, we know all about your little secret," Viki giggled childishly.
"So, what's this all about?" Hugo asked.
"Well." Aila laughed while circling her finger around Hugo's nose.
"They want to help you get more guys," Goro broke in cheerfully.
"Oh!?" Hugo brightened.
"Of course! You can't get every guy all by yourself!" Aila answered gleefully.
"Yes, so we made a list of all the potential candidates for you to chase after," Viki spoke up.
"Oh, wow, you're the coolest you guys!"
"Yay!" Aila threw her arms around Hugo and hugged him tightly.
"Ahhhhh! Too tight!" Hugo yelled as pain surged through his body.
"Oh, dear!"
Aila cupped her hands around her mouth as Hugo lay limp, drool dripping out his mouth as he moaned in agony.
"Ha ha! I guess we're off to a good start!" Barts laughed heartily.
THE END
After Words: Ah, another chapter done. What was I thinking with that Mario thing? Heh, it worked anyway. I will never stop the lizard rap movement! Bwahahaaha! I hope someone gets the breadstick joke right after the Juan story. On another note, do send reviews. Some of you may win snazzy prizes. (Some Suikoden girls in bikinis walk up with snazzy prizes) Like a new car! No, not really, but do send your thoughts. Bee bye for now.
-TrekTournament