The Yaoi Adventures of Hugo And Other Suikoden Weirdness
Disclaimer: Once again it is time to rape the minds of my lovely readers with the next installment of my Suikoden III parody. First off, I don't own Suikoden III.
Aila: Alright men, take aim.
I would also like to thank followed-death for sending me that lovely threat - er - review! Yay, that's it! Also, thanks to Lady Roslyn once again. Your feedback is much appreciated.
Aila: Ready!
So, here we go! Time for yet another random day at the crazy castle Budehuc.
Aila: Fire!
Now, excuse me whilst I evade the many pointy aerial objects headed my way.
(The author runs like hell.)
Adventure #4: The Sesame Street Version
Tuta held his stethoscope up to Hugo's bare chest.
"Hmm, yes, yes, you're doing fine."
"Really?" Hugo asked brightly.
"Yep, you're all better now, Hugo," the kind doctor announced.
"Oh, thank goodness you're alright Hugo," Mio chimed in.
"Yay! Now I can do this!"
Hugo grabbed Tuta and brought him in kissing hard. Mio just smiled and started to close a large curtain around Hugo's bed.
"Hugo! What are you doing!? Mio! What are YOU doing!?" Tuta cried in fear.
"Oh, don't worry about it doctor," Hugo reassured the frantic man, "You can show me all the best positions."
As Mio closed the curtain all the way Goro, Aila, and Viki poked their heads into the room. Mio turned around and gave them the thumbs up sign.
----------------------
Samus jumps up on the stage and starts singing.
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, Lilly's a bitch! She's a big fat bitch! She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world!"
"No I'm not!" Lilly cries out.
"Shut up, bitch, I'm enjoying myself," Queen retorts.
"She's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch!"
"Don't think you're going to get your pay for doing this!" Lilly screams.
"She's a bitch to all the boys and girls!"
"What are you talking about!? I like children!"
"But, you always call me a geek," Ernie intrudes tentatively.
"Quiet you geek!"
Ernie sinks back mournfully but Queen hugs her protectively.
"Bitch."
"On Mondays she's a bitch!"
"Only if I haven't had my coffee!"
"On Tuesdays she's a bitch!"
"It's not my fault I had to scold you for not getting me vanilla icecream!"
"On Wednesday through Saturday she's a bitch!"
"Hey! I have feelings too!"
Some audience members giggle.
"Then on Sunday just to be different she's a super king kamehame BIYOTCH!"
"Can anyone be that big of a bitch?" Yumi asks.
"If anyone can, it's Lilly," Mike answers.
"Have you ever met my master Lilly she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world!"
"Unfortunately, we have!" Hugo calls out.
"She's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair!"
"My goodness! Look at all these horrible split ends!" Gordon retracts in disgust after touching Lilly's hair.
"Hey! Don't touch me, you perv!"
"She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!"
"Thank goodness there isn't that many of her," Rody says scared.
"There could be." Estella teases.
"Eep!"
The audience has now started chanting along with Samus.
"Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!"
The little kid characters start poking Lilly as they call her a bitch. Lilly just crosses her arms and starts to shake.
"Now you all stop that this instant! I command you!" Lilly shrieks.
"She's a stupid bitch!"
Landis takes Lilly's hat and puts it on.
"Look! I'm a stupid bitch!"
Everyone laughs.
"You will all suffer my wrath."
"Lilly is a bitch and she's such a dirty bitch!"
"Hey! I take baths!"
"Once a week doesn't count!" Sharon yells out
More audience laughter.
"Talk to kids around the world it might go a little bit something like this!"
Sanae gets up and starts singing in another language for a while then Toppo ends with the deep voice part. Reed then gets up on stage and sings the next verse.
"Have you ever met my master Lilly she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world!"
"Reed! You die now!"
Reed runs away as Lilly chases after him. The mic flies into the air and Samus catches it to sing the rest of the song.
"She's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair!"
"You're telling me. That silly Joan of Arc 'radical' do is so French Revolution!" Elaine calls out.
"Yaaaaaaaa!!!" Lilly screams as she pulls out her saber.
"She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!"
Everyone starts to pull out their weapons in time to the song.
"Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch! She's a stupid bitch!"
"Eep, eep, eep, eep, eep, eep, eep!" is all Lilly responds with.
"Lilly is a bitch and she's just a dirty bitch!"
"Oh yay! Things are about to get dirty alright!" Leo bellows triumphantly.
All the girls, though, run up to do the can-can with Samus.
"I really mean it 'cause MY. she's a big fat sucky bitch!"
Samus does some lounge lizard doo-ap thing a bunch of times. Meanwhile everyone has pounced Lilly.
"Lilly!" Samus sings out.
Everyone starts to cheer and a couple of people hold up their weapons which has a skewered Lilly on the ends of them. The author then walks up and stuffs some money into Samus's pocket.
"Good job, and thank you," Digidude says.
No, no. Thank YOU," Samus smiles back happily.
----------------------
You see Augustine sitting on a randomly placed stump on the grass of Budehuc castle. Louis, Arthur, Kidd, Melville, Elliot, Alanis, Kokoru, Mel, Belle, Gadget Z, Ernie, Cecile, Sanae, Shabon, Sharon, young Viki, and Emily (WOW! There are a lot of girls under the age of 16 in this game) all surround him while sitting in the grass. Also, Luc, Sarah, and Yuber are sitting with the children with poor Sasarai all tied up next to them.
"Yay! Story time!" Luc, Sarah, and Yber all cry out childishly.
"Someone, please shoot me." Sasarai murmurs annoyed.
"I'd help you but, guns haven't been invented yet," Belle tries to console the desperate priest.
"Then spear me! Burn me! Choke me! Anything!" Sasarai yells at the top of his lungs.
"Y'know, it must suck to be Sasarai," Emily surmises.
"How does his life suck? I don't see any vacuums drawing him to a separate location from where he is currently situated at this present time in space," young Viki asks confused.
Everyone stares at her blankly. Except for Ernie, that is, who looks at Viki as if she finally found someone who speaks her language.
"Also, why are you here, Louis?" Alanis asks politely as she scratches Kokoru behind the ear.
"Louis blushes a little but straightens up to speak.
"I'm here to watch over you all."
"Why do we need a babysitter?" Kidd asks in his usual hyperactive manner.
"Because I asked him to," Belle says as she hugs Louis's arm.
Louis blushes a little more.
"Ah, yes! Let us start with zis most gorgeous of tales, shall we?" Augustine chimes in dramatically.
"What is it, Augustine? Shabon must know!" Shabon yelps in anticipation.
"It is." he pauses for emphasis, "Zee 'Frog Prince'!"
Augustine gets up and poses most elegantly before everyone holding the book out as if it were some regal idol of the gods.
"Can we just get on with it?" Sharon complains.
"Ah yes! Once upon a time."
"I killed myself and lived happily ever after in heaven away from this nutcase and his vile friends!" Sasarai yelled.
"Now Sasarai, if you don't parle vous, I will have to merci bouceu."
"That wasn't even in the right context you French wannabe!" Sasarai shot back.
"Go on, Augustine!" Alanis yelled out.
"Yes, yes! Once upon a time there lived a beautiful princess."
"Well, knowing anime, ninety-nine times out of one hundred the princess is seductively beautiful," Arthur surmises.
"Oi! Why didn't I think of that!?" Kidd shrieks.
"Ahem! If you please, dear youngsters? This princess was a very spoiled girl."
"Gee, was her name Lilly?" Melville grinned evilly.
Everyone had a hardy laugh, except for Augustine who was a little agitated for being interrupted again and young Viki, but we all know how she is.
"If I may go on," Augustine interrupted, "One day the princess was sitting next to a pond holding her beloved golden ball."
"That's stupid. What would someone need with a big ol' golden ball?" Cecile asked confused.
"She's a princess. What would we know that amuses the rich and snobbish?" Sanae responds.
"Will you please stop interrupting me," Augustine grits his teeth while a small vein begins to throb on his forehead, "All of a sudden she dropped the golden ball into the pond."
"Heh heh, her ball got wet," Louis muses.
Belle punches Louis lightly but smiles at him. The other children are completely naïve to the comment and Augustine is a little ticked.
"Excuse moi! I am trying to read here!" Augustine cries out.
"OK, OK. Don't get your pants all in a bundle," Mel apologizes while backing up a little.
"That depends whether he has room to bundle it," Melville smiles wickedly.
"Heh, yay, his description does say that his sex is undetermined," Kidd joins in.
"What!? How dare you look at my private information!" Augustine yells.
"I can't help it! I am the detective around here!"
"Um, maybe we should let Augustine finish the story," Elliot butted in seriously.
"Actually, I'm tired of this story. It's stupid, I've heard it before," Sharon starts berating.
"Oh, really, what happens in the end?" Cecile asks very interested.
"Well, the princess throws the frog prince against a wall at the end and he transforms into a prince and the two live happily ever after."
All the children look at Sharon in horror.
"No, no. The princess learns about love and true unrivaled friendship. Then she kisses the frog and he turns into a prince!" Augustine corrects.
"No, what you're thinking of is the nicer version of the story. I'm talking about the original version," Sharon re-corrected.
"The real version?" Alanis asks.
"Yep, pretty mean isn't it?"
"But, that's stupid! Why would any guy go with some idiot girl who threw him against a wall!?" Emily yells out.
"Yay! What are they teaching the youth of today with such hushed secrets!? We deserve to know the truth!" Arthur encourages.
"Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Down with the grown-ups!!!" all the children yell as Augustine tries to crawl away.
"Quick! He's getting away! Get him first!" Sanae commands.
"Yahhhh!!!" scream all the children as they chase after Augustine.
"Sacre bleu! Such excitement! Such angst! Such TERROR!"
And so they ran around the Budehuc castle for a while leaving a dotted line in their wake much like Family Circus. Meanwhile, Lucia was staring out the window and happened to notice the gaggle of screaming children.
"Aw, how cute. Luce, look. The children are playing tag with Augustine."
"I wonder why some of them have their weapons out?" Luce wondered aloud.
"Probably for a better advantage."
"Yay, you're probably right."
And so the two women went back to their business.
---------------------
Chris is bopping around in a very uncharacteristic manner as Percival and Thomas follow her through the great big mall.
"Oh dear, this place is a lot taller than I thought," Thomas spoke as he looked over the balcony and a flock of seagulls flew past over the billowy clouds stretching out below.
"This is the author's imagination, of course it's twisted and confusing," Percival said as he rolled his eyes.
Then the author held a gigantic plot hole over the mall.
"Um, uh, it's also very charming and wonderful to live in!" the nervous knight quickly corrected himself.
The author put the plot hole back into his box o' plotholes.
"SQUEAL!!!"
Percival and Thomas ran over to where they heard Chris squealing.
"What is it!? Have we been attacked!?"
"No, silly!" Chris giggled, "Look!"
Following her pointed finger the two others looked through the window of a large clothing store. Every color was strewn about in the huge warehouse now extending before them.
"Quick! It's getting away!" Percival yelled as the three of them chased after the extending store.
"Dang 3D powers, I can only run a certain speed!" Thomas whined as he did the trademark Suikoden run.
"Yaaaaa!!!" all three screamed as they threw themselves at the entrance and thankfully fell into the store.
"Phew! We made it." Percival spoke aloud.
"Please pick yourselves up from the store's floor or else face anchor wrath!" some girlish voice screamed shrilly.
"Huh? Who are you?" Chris asked as she pushed herself off the floor.
"Why, I'm May, from Guilty Gear!" May introduced herself and doing a cute little pose involving her swinging her anchor around in a dangerous fashion.
"Wait. What are you doing here? This is Suikoden III!" Thomas asked.
"Oh please. You've already had Final Fantasy and Mario references. What's a Guilty Gear one?"
"You have a point," Thomas said.
"Now, since I'm the proprietor of this here fine establishment, what can I help you with?" May asked much more pleasantly.
Chris leapt forward in a sugary sweet manner. One would have sworn the place became ever so slightly brighter, but, I, the author, do not allow such sickeningly sweet stuff into my fics, so let's just say it was a trick of some very well placed mirrors.
"Oh, we need to find some clothing for our friend here."
"Oh, the cute one?"
"Please, don't say that." Thomas groaned
"Uh, why?"
"Long story. Can we please see your selection?" Chris interrupted quickly.
"Sure, right this way."
May led the group to a large section aptly named the "Men's Section." Upon arrival the three looked around, all sorts of clothing hung about. Dress shirts, baggy pants, hats of all styles, anything you could imagine. Frowning in disappointment, Chris pouted in contemplation.
"Is there something wrong?" May asked.
"Hmm, yay. I hate to complain, but, do you have any cloths for this who want to get raving fangirls away from them?" Chris asked politely.
"Oh, you have one of those problems. I have a friend just like you. His name's Bridget," May went on, "Anyway, if you look over there."
May pointed to a far off area surrounded by decrepit signs warning any who dare come near. Taking a closer look the group saw a dark void leading into an even darker hole. Ancient and vile looking trees gnarled their roots and branches around the entrance and black crows sat upon the signs watching for any who would come. Taking a collective gulp the friends reverted their gaze back to their pirate hostess.
"Um, you don't mean to tell me that a clothing section is situated in the deep bowels of that, do you," Percival asked tentatively.
"Oh, but of course. It's to keep fangirls out, you see."
"Thomas! Get back here," Chris yelled as she grabbed Thomas by the wrist.
"But mommy! I don't wanna!" Thomas cried bloody murder.
"You're going whether you like it or not!" Chris yelled back in a very motherly and commanding voice.
Chris and Thomas headed to the dark section.
"Well, if Chris isn't scared neither am I," Percival shrugged.
"Oh, you will be." May mumbled maniacally.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
Percival followed May into the dark void as well. What awaits our heroes? Will they survive the clothing store of doom, or is the author just that terrible at arousing suspense.
"I choose the latter," Hugo yelled.
No one asked you. Now, end of story.
---------------------
Kathy is sitting on the fence near the barn where her horses are kept. She happens the munching on a breadstick that happens to have come from Mamie's outdoor diner that happens to be laced with a very interesting herb.
"Mmm, Mamie's rally gone an' outdone herself this tahm," the pink cowgirl sighs in satisfaction.
All of a sudden she jumps from the fence and calls out to her horses. The first one that comes up she jumps up onto and does a handstand.
"A'ight kids! It's tahm fah mah favoraht show!" Kathy yells, "Tell meh how many hosses I have raht now!"
Leo seeing this calls out. "You got one right now!"
"Thaht's corraect!"
Riding along she comes near Juan and yells out again this time performing a camel (that's a move in iceskating incase you're wondering). Also another horse has run up to her.
"How many hosses I gaht now!?"
Juan looks up for a second and yells out.
"You got two horses!"
"Oh yay! We ah on a roll!"
Kathy rushes by with a great big grin on her face. As she nears Scott's trade shop four more horses catch up.
"Now how many hosses I gaht!?"
"You got six horses, you crazy lady!" that random Krayan who walks around in front of Scott's trade shop yells back.
"Yay! Yet anothah raht ansah!"
By now all the horses had caught up with Kathy as she headed toward Mamie's outdoor diner.
"Now how many hosses I gaht!?"
"Fifteen!" all of Budehuc castle yelled which is quite impressive for a castle to do.
"That's raggggggggghhhhhhhhhhtttttttt!!!" Kathy screamed as she and the whole her of horses fell over the side of the lake.
"*sigh*" was all Mamie could muster up as Borus continued to bury his face in her chest.
--------------------
Yun and Jimba are sitting next to a hole in the clouds of heaven (assuming heaven has clouds) sipping herbal tea from those ceeewwwwt no-handled Japanese cups.
"Ah, another fine day here in heaven, don't you agree Jimba?" Yun asks.
"Mmm, yes, yes it is."
"Hey, there's Chris," Yun points down into the hole in the clouds.
"Where, where!?" Jimba shouts excitedly.
"Right there."
Jimba looks down and sees Chris hacking the head off a monster. Blood sprays everywhere and Chris stands over the limp monsters body.
"*sniff* that's my little girl."
"It's so sweet to see a daughter take after he father."
--------------------
Hugo is walking out of the infirmary and Aila and Viki walk up to him.
"Hey there girls!"
"Hi Hugo," Aila greets with an enthusiastic wave.
"Don't worry about Tuta, Hugo. We already crossed his name off," Viki informs.
Hugo looks pleased and nods.
"Now, who's next?" Hugo wonders aloud.
"Hmm, that is a toughy. There's so many hot bishis around here," Aila pouts in an odd mix of disappointment and lust.
Right then, Rico came running up to the three.
"Hey guys! *huff * *puff* Could you help me out?"
"Sure, Rico, what's the problem?" Hugo asks a bit concerned.
"I need help finding Fred a present! His birthday is tomorrow!"
All three friends blinked collectively, then, they smiled collectively.
THE END
After Words: Sorry I took so long to update this fic series but I'm busy here at college (damn work, damn you I say!). Anyway, this fic took me a while just plainly because I had a lot of writer's block as well. If any of you have any good ideas I'd love to hear them. Reviewy pleasy!
-TrekTournament
Disclaimer: Once again it is time to rape the minds of my lovely readers with the next installment of my Suikoden III parody. First off, I don't own Suikoden III.
Aila: Alright men, take aim.
I would also like to thank followed-death for sending me that lovely threat - er - review! Yay, that's it! Also, thanks to Lady Roslyn once again. Your feedback is much appreciated.
Aila: Ready!
So, here we go! Time for yet another random day at the crazy castle Budehuc.
Aila: Fire!
Now, excuse me whilst I evade the many pointy aerial objects headed my way.
(The author runs like hell.)
Adventure #4: The Sesame Street Version
Tuta held his stethoscope up to Hugo's bare chest.
"Hmm, yes, yes, you're doing fine."
"Really?" Hugo asked brightly.
"Yep, you're all better now, Hugo," the kind doctor announced.
"Oh, thank goodness you're alright Hugo," Mio chimed in.
"Yay! Now I can do this!"
Hugo grabbed Tuta and brought him in kissing hard. Mio just smiled and started to close a large curtain around Hugo's bed.
"Hugo! What are you doing!? Mio! What are YOU doing!?" Tuta cried in fear.
"Oh, don't worry about it doctor," Hugo reassured the frantic man, "You can show me all the best positions."
As Mio closed the curtain all the way Goro, Aila, and Viki poked their heads into the room. Mio turned around and gave them the thumbs up sign.
----------------------
Samus jumps up on the stage and starts singing.
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, Lilly's a bitch! She's a big fat bitch! She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world!"
"No I'm not!" Lilly cries out.
"Shut up, bitch, I'm enjoying myself," Queen retorts.
"She's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch!"
"Don't think you're going to get your pay for doing this!" Lilly screams.
"She's a bitch to all the boys and girls!"
"What are you talking about!? I like children!"
"But, you always call me a geek," Ernie intrudes tentatively.
"Quiet you geek!"
Ernie sinks back mournfully but Queen hugs her protectively.
"Bitch."
"On Mondays she's a bitch!"
"Only if I haven't had my coffee!"
"On Tuesdays she's a bitch!"
"It's not my fault I had to scold you for not getting me vanilla icecream!"
"On Wednesday through Saturday she's a bitch!"
"Hey! I have feelings too!"
Some audience members giggle.
"Then on Sunday just to be different she's a super king kamehame BIYOTCH!"
"Can anyone be that big of a bitch?" Yumi asks.
"If anyone can, it's Lilly," Mike answers.
"Have you ever met my master Lilly she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world!"
"Unfortunately, we have!" Hugo calls out.
"She's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair!"
"My goodness! Look at all these horrible split ends!" Gordon retracts in disgust after touching Lilly's hair.
"Hey! Don't touch me, you perv!"
"She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!"
"Thank goodness there isn't that many of her," Rody says scared.
"There could be." Estella teases.
"Eep!"
The audience has now started chanting along with Samus.
"Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!"
The little kid characters start poking Lilly as they call her a bitch. Lilly just crosses her arms and starts to shake.
"Now you all stop that this instant! I command you!" Lilly shrieks.
"She's a stupid bitch!"
Landis takes Lilly's hat and puts it on.
"Look! I'm a stupid bitch!"
Everyone laughs.
"You will all suffer my wrath."
"Lilly is a bitch and she's such a dirty bitch!"
"Hey! I take baths!"
"Once a week doesn't count!" Sharon yells out
More audience laughter.
"Talk to kids around the world it might go a little bit something like this!"
Sanae gets up and starts singing in another language for a while then Toppo ends with the deep voice part. Reed then gets up on stage and sings the next verse.
"Have you ever met my master Lilly she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world!"
"Reed! You die now!"
Reed runs away as Lilly chases after him. The mic flies into the air and Samus catches it to sing the rest of the song.
"She's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair!"
"You're telling me. That silly Joan of Arc 'radical' do is so French Revolution!" Elaine calls out.
"Yaaaaaaaa!!!" Lilly screams as she pulls out her saber.
"She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!"
Everyone starts to pull out their weapons in time to the song.
"Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch! She's a stupid bitch!"
"Eep, eep, eep, eep, eep, eep, eep!" is all Lilly responds with.
"Lilly is a bitch and she's just a dirty bitch!"
"Oh yay! Things are about to get dirty alright!" Leo bellows triumphantly.
All the girls, though, run up to do the can-can with Samus.
"I really mean it 'cause MY. she's a big fat sucky bitch!"
Samus does some lounge lizard doo-ap thing a bunch of times. Meanwhile everyone has pounced Lilly.
"Lilly!" Samus sings out.
Everyone starts to cheer and a couple of people hold up their weapons which has a skewered Lilly on the ends of them. The author then walks up and stuffs some money into Samus's pocket.
"Good job, and thank you," Digidude says.
No, no. Thank YOU," Samus smiles back happily.
----------------------
You see Augustine sitting on a randomly placed stump on the grass of Budehuc castle. Louis, Arthur, Kidd, Melville, Elliot, Alanis, Kokoru, Mel, Belle, Gadget Z, Ernie, Cecile, Sanae, Shabon, Sharon, young Viki, and Emily (WOW! There are a lot of girls under the age of 16 in this game) all surround him while sitting in the grass. Also, Luc, Sarah, and Yuber are sitting with the children with poor Sasarai all tied up next to them.
"Yay! Story time!" Luc, Sarah, and Yber all cry out childishly.
"Someone, please shoot me." Sasarai murmurs annoyed.
"I'd help you but, guns haven't been invented yet," Belle tries to console the desperate priest.
"Then spear me! Burn me! Choke me! Anything!" Sasarai yells at the top of his lungs.
"Y'know, it must suck to be Sasarai," Emily surmises.
"How does his life suck? I don't see any vacuums drawing him to a separate location from where he is currently situated at this present time in space," young Viki asks confused.
Everyone stares at her blankly. Except for Ernie, that is, who looks at Viki as if she finally found someone who speaks her language.
"Also, why are you here, Louis?" Alanis asks politely as she scratches Kokoru behind the ear.
"Louis blushes a little but straightens up to speak.
"I'm here to watch over you all."
"Why do we need a babysitter?" Kidd asks in his usual hyperactive manner.
"Because I asked him to," Belle says as she hugs Louis's arm.
Louis blushes a little more.
"Ah, yes! Let us start with zis most gorgeous of tales, shall we?" Augustine chimes in dramatically.
"What is it, Augustine? Shabon must know!" Shabon yelps in anticipation.
"It is." he pauses for emphasis, "Zee 'Frog Prince'!"
Augustine gets up and poses most elegantly before everyone holding the book out as if it were some regal idol of the gods.
"Can we just get on with it?" Sharon complains.
"Ah yes! Once upon a time."
"I killed myself and lived happily ever after in heaven away from this nutcase and his vile friends!" Sasarai yelled.
"Now Sasarai, if you don't parle vous, I will have to merci bouceu."
"That wasn't even in the right context you French wannabe!" Sasarai shot back.
"Go on, Augustine!" Alanis yelled out.
"Yes, yes! Once upon a time there lived a beautiful princess."
"Well, knowing anime, ninety-nine times out of one hundred the princess is seductively beautiful," Arthur surmises.
"Oi! Why didn't I think of that!?" Kidd shrieks.
"Ahem! If you please, dear youngsters? This princess was a very spoiled girl."
"Gee, was her name Lilly?" Melville grinned evilly.
Everyone had a hardy laugh, except for Augustine who was a little agitated for being interrupted again and young Viki, but we all know how she is.
"If I may go on," Augustine interrupted, "One day the princess was sitting next to a pond holding her beloved golden ball."
"That's stupid. What would someone need with a big ol' golden ball?" Cecile asked confused.
"She's a princess. What would we know that amuses the rich and snobbish?" Sanae responds.
"Will you please stop interrupting me," Augustine grits his teeth while a small vein begins to throb on his forehead, "All of a sudden she dropped the golden ball into the pond."
"Heh heh, her ball got wet," Louis muses.
Belle punches Louis lightly but smiles at him. The other children are completely naïve to the comment and Augustine is a little ticked.
"Excuse moi! I am trying to read here!" Augustine cries out.
"OK, OK. Don't get your pants all in a bundle," Mel apologizes while backing up a little.
"That depends whether he has room to bundle it," Melville smiles wickedly.
"Heh, yay, his description does say that his sex is undetermined," Kidd joins in.
"What!? How dare you look at my private information!" Augustine yells.
"I can't help it! I am the detective around here!"
"Um, maybe we should let Augustine finish the story," Elliot butted in seriously.
"Actually, I'm tired of this story. It's stupid, I've heard it before," Sharon starts berating.
"Oh, really, what happens in the end?" Cecile asks very interested.
"Well, the princess throws the frog prince against a wall at the end and he transforms into a prince and the two live happily ever after."
All the children look at Sharon in horror.
"No, no. The princess learns about love and true unrivaled friendship. Then she kisses the frog and he turns into a prince!" Augustine corrects.
"No, what you're thinking of is the nicer version of the story. I'm talking about the original version," Sharon re-corrected.
"The real version?" Alanis asks.
"Yep, pretty mean isn't it?"
"But, that's stupid! Why would any guy go with some idiot girl who threw him against a wall!?" Emily yells out.
"Yay! What are they teaching the youth of today with such hushed secrets!? We deserve to know the truth!" Arthur encourages.
"Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Down with the grown-ups!!!" all the children yell as Augustine tries to crawl away.
"Quick! He's getting away! Get him first!" Sanae commands.
"Yahhhh!!!" scream all the children as they chase after Augustine.
"Sacre bleu! Such excitement! Such angst! Such TERROR!"
And so they ran around the Budehuc castle for a while leaving a dotted line in their wake much like Family Circus. Meanwhile, Lucia was staring out the window and happened to notice the gaggle of screaming children.
"Aw, how cute. Luce, look. The children are playing tag with Augustine."
"I wonder why some of them have their weapons out?" Luce wondered aloud.
"Probably for a better advantage."
"Yay, you're probably right."
And so the two women went back to their business.
---------------------
Chris is bopping around in a very uncharacteristic manner as Percival and Thomas follow her through the great big mall.
"Oh dear, this place is a lot taller than I thought," Thomas spoke as he looked over the balcony and a flock of seagulls flew past over the billowy clouds stretching out below.
"This is the author's imagination, of course it's twisted and confusing," Percival said as he rolled his eyes.
Then the author held a gigantic plot hole over the mall.
"Um, uh, it's also very charming and wonderful to live in!" the nervous knight quickly corrected himself.
The author put the plot hole back into his box o' plotholes.
"SQUEAL!!!"
Percival and Thomas ran over to where they heard Chris squealing.
"What is it!? Have we been attacked!?"
"No, silly!" Chris giggled, "Look!"
Following her pointed finger the two others looked through the window of a large clothing store. Every color was strewn about in the huge warehouse now extending before them.
"Quick! It's getting away!" Percival yelled as the three of them chased after the extending store.
"Dang 3D powers, I can only run a certain speed!" Thomas whined as he did the trademark Suikoden run.
"Yaaaaa!!!" all three screamed as they threw themselves at the entrance and thankfully fell into the store.
"Phew! We made it." Percival spoke aloud.
"Please pick yourselves up from the store's floor or else face anchor wrath!" some girlish voice screamed shrilly.
"Huh? Who are you?" Chris asked as she pushed herself off the floor.
"Why, I'm May, from Guilty Gear!" May introduced herself and doing a cute little pose involving her swinging her anchor around in a dangerous fashion.
"Wait. What are you doing here? This is Suikoden III!" Thomas asked.
"Oh please. You've already had Final Fantasy and Mario references. What's a Guilty Gear one?"
"You have a point," Thomas said.
"Now, since I'm the proprietor of this here fine establishment, what can I help you with?" May asked much more pleasantly.
Chris leapt forward in a sugary sweet manner. One would have sworn the place became ever so slightly brighter, but, I, the author, do not allow such sickeningly sweet stuff into my fics, so let's just say it was a trick of some very well placed mirrors.
"Oh, we need to find some clothing for our friend here."
"Oh, the cute one?"
"Please, don't say that." Thomas groaned
"Uh, why?"
"Long story. Can we please see your selection?" Chris interrupted quickly.
"Sure, right this way."
May led the group to a large section aptly named the "Men's Section." Upon arrival the three looked around, all sorts of clothing hung about. Dress shirts, baggy pants, hats of all styles, anything you could imagine. Frowning in disappointment, Chris pouted in contemplation.
"Is there something wrong?" May asked.
"Hmm, yay. I hate to complain, but, do you have any cloths for this who want to get raving fangirls away from them?" Chris asked politely.
"Oh, you have one of those problems. I have a friend just like you. His name's Bridget," May went on, "Anyway, if you look over there."
May pointed to a far off area surrounded by decrepit signs warning any who dare come near. Taking a closer look the group saw a dark void leading into an even darker hole. Ancient and vile looking trees gnarled their roots and branches around the entrance and black crows sat upon the signs watching for any who would come. Taking a collective gulp the friends reverted their gaze back to their pirate hostess.
"Um, you don't mean to tell me that a clothing section is situated in the deep bowels of that, do you," Percival asked tentatively.
"Oh, but of course. It's to keep fangirls out, you see."
"Thomas! Get back here," Chris yelled as she grabbed Thomas by the wrist.
"But mommy! I don't wanna!" Thomas cried bloody murder.
"You're going whether you like it or not!" Chris yelled back in a very motherly and commanding voice.
Chris and Thomas headed to the dark section.
"Well, if Chris isn't scared neither am I," Percival shrugged.
"Oh, you will be." May mumbled maniacally.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
Percival followed May into the dark void as well. What awaits our heroes? Will they survive the clothing store of doom, or is the author just that terrible at arousing suspense.
"I choose the latter," Hugo yelled.
No one asked you. Now, end of story.
---------------------
Kathy is sitting on the fence near the barn where her horses are kept. She happens the munching on a breadstick that happens to have come from Mamie's outdoor diner that happens to be laced with a very interesting herb.
"Mmm, Mamie's rally gone an' outdone herself this tahm," the pink cowgirl sighs in satisfaction.
All of a sudden she jumps from the fence and calls out to her horses. The first one that comes up she jumps up onto and does a handstand.
"A'ight kids! It's tahm fah mah favoraht show!" Kathy yells, "Tell meh how many hosses I have raht now!"
Leo seeing this calls out. "You got one right now!"
"Thaht's corraect!"
Riding along she comes near Juan and yells out again this time performing a camel (that's a move in iceskating incase you're wondering). Also another horse has run up to her.
"How many hosses I gaht now!?"
Juan looks up for a second and yells out.
"You got two horses!"
"Oh yay! We ah on a roll!"
Kathy rushes by with a great big grin on her face. As she nears Scott's trade shop four more horses catch up.
"Now how many hosses I gaht!?"
"You got six horses, you crazy lady!" that random Krayan who walks around in front of Scott's trade shop yells back.
"Yay! Yet anothah raht ansah!"
By now all the horses had caught up with Kathy as she headed toward Mamie's outdoor diner.
"Now how many hosses I gaht!?"
"Fifteen!" all of Budehuc castle yelled which is quite impressive for a castle to do.
"That's raggggggggghhhhhhhhhhtttttttt!!!" Kathy screamed as she and the whole her of horses fell over the side of the lake.
"*sigh*" was all Mamie could muster up as Borus continued to bury his face in her chest.
--------------------
Yun and Jimba are sitting next to a hole in the clouds of heaven (assuming heaven has clouds) sipping herbal tea from those ceeewwwwt no-handled Japanese cups.
"Ah, another fine day here in heaven, don't you agree Jimba?" Yun asks.
"Mmm, yes, yes it is."
"Hey, there's Chris," Yun points down into the hole in the clouds.
"Where, where!?" Jimba shouts excitedly.
"Right there."
Jimba looks down and sees Chris hacking the head off a monster. Blood sprays everywhere and Chris stands over the limp monsters body.
"*sniff* that's my little girl."
"It's so sweet to see a daughter take after he father."
--------------------
Hugo is walking out of the infirmary and Aila and Viki walk up to him.
"Hey there girls!"
"Hi Hugo," Aila greets with an enthusiastic wave.
"Don't worry about Tuta, Hugo. We already crossed his name off," Viki informs.
Hugo looks pleased and nods.
"Now, who's next?" Hugo wonders aloud.
"Hmm, that is a toughy. There's so many hot bishis around here," Aila pouts in an odd mix of disappointment and lust.
Right then, Rico came running up to the three.
"Hey guys! *huff * *puff* Could you help me out?"
"Sure, Rico, what's the problem?" Hugo asks a bit concerned.
"I need help finding Fred a present! His birthday is tomorrow!"
All three friends blinked collectively, then, they smiled collectively.
THE END
After Words: Sorry I took so long to update this fic series but I'm busy here at college (damn work, damn you I say!). Anyway, this fic took me a while just plainly because I had a lot of writer's block as well. If any of you have any good ideas I'd love to hear them. Reviewy pleasy!
-TrekTournament