DISCLAIMERS: The characters and any other references to CSI episodes are not mine. I own nothing but my obsession with them.

SPOILERS: All of Season 4 is fair game but most of this is during/post Bloodlines.

Again, thank you for the reviews – very much appreciated!

The Linley Parker case was devastating. Sara couldn't even take her statement. She didn't need to. It would be just like any other rape victim's story and she couldn't bear to hear it again. She worked the case from a distance. Hands off emotionally. It was better that way. It didn't really matter in the end. The monster was caught but Linley died.

She would never even know that he would pay for what he did. What kind of justice was that? Grissom once told me that everyday we would meet people on the worst day of their lives. I thought that was an acceptable fact of this job. One I could live with. He also told me to get a diversion. I don't think this was what he had in mind.

"Can I get you another?"

The bartender's voice brought Sara back to reality and she looked up.

"Uh, no, thanks, I'm done."

Sara paid the bill and left the bar. She slowly walked to her car and tried to push the day's events out of her mind. She thought of Nick and Warrick and suddenly wished she had taken up Warrick's suggestion to get something to eat. She couldn't actually remember when she ate last but right now her body was crying out for sleep more than anything else.

I felt fine. Tired, but in control. How did a couple beers get me here? If this isn't rock bottom then I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. They called Grissom. I can't do this, not today, well not ever really. The disappointment that will be in his eyes and the inevitable lecture he is preparing right now. I – Oh god, there he is, whatever you do – don't cry!

"Come on, I'll take you home". Grissom grasped her hand tightly. When he saw her sitting there all he could feel was relief. She was really o.k. All the questions and stern words that raced through his mind on the drive to the station faded from his mind as he saw the embarrassment and sadness in her demeanor. There was something else there too. Defeat.

Grissom kept holding her hand as they left the station and didn't say anything. He opened the door of the SUV and helped her in. As he got in the driver side he tried to catch her eye but she was staring out the window. She had yet to say anything.

Sara didn't know what to make of his behavior. Why doesn't he say something? He doesn't even look angry or disappointed but he must be. I wasn't prepared for this. Concern? He even touched me. The small gesture was more powerful than any words and she blinked rapidly to hold back the tears as she thought of it.

They drove the entire way in silence and as Grissom stopped in front of her building, Sara finally looked at him.

"Thanks for the ride, I appreciate it." Sara averted her gaze and turned to open her door.

"Sure." Grissom said while turning off the engine and removing the keys.

As he opened his door, Sara realized he wasn't planning on just dropping her off and she felt her heart beat increase.

"What are you doing?"

"Walking you to your door." Grissom said plainly, as if it was something he did on a regular basis.

Sara turned on her heel and walked quickly up the stairs. As they neared her apartment door she slowed and looked back at Grissom. He still looked calm, his eyes full of questions but still concerned. Sara opened the door and walked in, throwing her jacket towards the hook on the wall. She missed and it landed on the floor. Grissom followed her in, picking up her jacket and placing it on the hook. He slowly shut the door and took a few steps into the apartment. Sara faced him and could see he was trying to inconspicuously take in the surroundings. Finally, he spoke first.

"Sara, I just want to help you. You haven't been yourself lately, well for quite awhile actually and now I realize-"

"I'm not an alcoholic, if that's what you're thinking." Sara cut him off, "I was just tired and I got careless. I hadn't eaten for all day and had a couple beers. I really thought I was o.k. I know it sounds lame but it's true."

"I believe you."

Sara looked at him with surprise; she hadn't expected him to be so easily convinced.

"Look Sara, I just want you to be happy again. I just want to help you .." Grissom's voice trailed off as he tried to decide what to say. He wasn't sure how to start this conversation and these weren't the circumstances he had imagined.

"That's a conflict of interest don't you think?" Sara's embarrassment was suddenly replaced with bitterness in her tone. She was getting angry. How dare he say he wants me to be happy? If he really wanted that he would have – stop it, don't do this.

"What do you mean?" Grissom's brow was furrowed with confusion.

"You're either part of the problem or part of the solution." Sara turned away as she felt unshed tears stinging her eyes.

Grissom sighed and decided now was not a good time to hash out all the issues between them. This latest incident was obviously just a small symptom of the greater problem and it needed to be discussed, later.

"I don't think this is a good time to talk about – everything. You're tired and not entirely yourself right now so we should just talk later."

Sara didn't turn around. She just nodded slightly without saying anything. She didn't trust her voice now that the tears she had been holding in started slowly trickling down her cheeks. She heard her door open and Grissom's footsteps as he walked out into the hallway. He stopped and looked back at Sara for a moment. All I want to do is comfort her, hold her – no, now is not the time.

"I'll be back later, get some sleep."

Sara didn't respond and Grissom closed the door. As soon as the sound of his footsteps disappeared Sara gave in. The tears consumed her and she sank to floor shaking as the sobs overwhelmed her body.

Sara stared at her clock trying to focus and compute just how long she had slept. Four hours. I guess that's not too bad. I am surprised I was able to fall asleep at all. At least I don't remember my dreams. That's why I prefer passing out to just falling asleep. I rarely remember anything when I wake up.

After a long hot shower and a bowel of cereal, Sara settled on the couch with her mug of coffee. Her head throbbed slightly so she decided to vegetate in front of the T.V. instead of reading. Daytime T.V. really sucks. I wonder if Grissom will call first. Maybe he will change his mind and not come back. Of course I need a way to get to work. If I still have a job. I feel guilt even thinking about that. I could have killed someone last night, I deserve whatever happens. I should have left a long time ago – over 2 years ago to be exact. That damn plant. Just enough to give me hope. Never enough to actually risk anything to be with me. He just couldn't do it.

Just thinking about the Marlin case and Grissom's speech made tears well up in Sara's eyes. She wanted to draw comfort from the fact that he admitted the feelings for her were there, but the rest of his admission overshadowed that. In the end, he chose his career and safety. Not loving her was safe.

A knock on the door riled Sara from her thoughts. She rose to answer it and looked through the peephole. She paused briefly to compose herself before opening the door. He actually came back. Grissom stood there and smiled slightly as she caught his gaze.

"Hi" Sara started.

Grissom said nothing and just held out a small piece of blue paper. He handed it to Sara and watched her expression change from apprehension to confusion and then finally a smile formed on her lips as she read aloud.

"RAIN CHECK"

"This rain check is presented to Sara Sidle.

It is good for one breakfast (lunch or dinner also allowed) with Gil Grissom.

Conversation is optional but recommended.

Expiration Date: None"

Sara looked up. Her eyes were glistening. She hadn't noticed that Grissom had come inside the apartment and shut the door.

"Would you like to redeem that now?" Grissom asked gently.

"Absolutely."

The End