Lyman Residence: March 12, 2006
'This isn't happening,' Donna thought dreadfully, stroking her stomach with a trembling hand. 'This cannot be happening to him, to us. It's all a terrible mistake. Any minute now, Josh is going to walk in and he's going to kiss me and he's going to threaten to sue the entire DC police force for scaring me like this.' But even as she thought this, Donna knew it wouldn't be true.
She looked around the room from her place on the sofa at the assortment of people gathered in her living room. Just one hour ago ago, she'd been busy preparing beef tenderloin for a small dinner party she'd been throwing that evening for some friends and family. Now her home was filled with police officers and various members of Josh's staff as they tried to establish some control over the situation. 'How do you control the actions of two teenaged kids with loaded guns and roomful of hostages?' she wondered bitterly.
The situation that was requiring so much attention was that of Josh being held hostage in a small convenience store ten miles away. From the bits of information Donna had been told, he was one of six hostages being held by two teenage boys who had attempted to rob the store. They had apparently gotten into an argument with the store clerk and shots had been fired inside. By sheer coincidence, an off-duty cop had just exited the store when he had heard the gunshot and had radioed for help immediately. They were currently trying to open a line of communication with the boys but all attempts so far had been unsuccessful. And while Donna hadn't been able to focus much during her conversations with people since she'd found out, she'd been able to learn that the longer the situation went on, the less likely it would be that the situation could be resolved without people getting hurt.
"Mrs. Lyman?" a now-familiar voice asked her. She turned her head slightly to see Detective Richard Grissom standing by her side. "Is there anything at all I can get for you?"
"My husband," she whispered stoically, not meeting his eye. She felt the pressure of her older sister's hand rubbing her back and while she knew it was well-intentioned, she wanted nothing more than to tear Nicole's arm out of her socket just so she could inflict upon someone else the pain that was swiftly and surely matriculating it's way through her body.
The detective nodded sympathetically. "We're doing everything within our power to get him out safely," he tried to comfort her. "This is a very precarious situation and it can take some time before we see any results."
"How much time?" Nicole asked curiously.
"It depends," he answered honestly. "It can take anywhere from hours to days in extreme cases to get everyone out safe--"
"But sometimes you don't," Donna broke in heatedly, glaring at him as if he were the cause of all her grief. "Sometimes you don't everyone out unharmed. Sometimes you don't get anyone out at all."
"Donna," Nicole chastised her, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"Sometimes people get killed," Donna continued vehemently, violently shrugging her sister away. "Sometimes the hostages die no matter what you do!"
The detective became aware that all eyes in the room were currently on them. "Mrs. Lyman," he began diplomatically. "We don't think that will--"
"Sometimes. They. Die!" she repeated even louder, daring the detective to contradict her.
After a beat, he nodded. "Yes," he said softly, "sometimes they die even when we do everything right."
"And for all you know that could happen here too, right?"
"Yes it could, ma'am." He sat down gingerly beside her. "I know there is nothing I can do to make you stop worrying about all the things that can wrong in situations like this. I can't stop making you wish your husband would materialize before you right now. All I can say is doing that will not bring him home any sooner and that perhaps your children do not need to see their mother worrying herself into premature labor." Someone called for him and he and the other officers left the room, leaving the sisters all alone.
Slightly chagrined, she tightened her hold on her stomach, trying to relax for the sake of the babies. "Are the girls upstairs?" she asked Nicole, a little calmer.
Nicole nodded. "Natalie's asleep and Nanny Gilroy has Emma and Freddie up there too."
"Was Emma asking any questions?" Nicole nodded again. "What did you tell her?"
"We told her that someone you knew was in a bad accident and you had to talk to the police for a little while."
"You lied to her," Donna stated.
"You'd rather I tell her the truth?" she asked incredulously. "She's eight years old, she can't understand what's happening. I don't even understand what's happening."
"But she'll know that you lied to her; she always knows when people lie to her and that's going to make her worry," Donna declared exasperatedly. "And then she's gonna want to know what's really going on and then I'm going to have to lie to her and then she'll--"
"Okay, okay," Nicole conceded, not wanting to get Donna going. "Do you want to try to lie down a bit? Maybe that'll help you--"
"Mrs. Lyman?" one of the officers asked her politely. "There's a young man outside who says he's a friend of the family. He's says he works for your husband."
As soon as he finished uttering the sentence, a rumpled and breathless Gus Whittaker burst into the room, immediately locking eyes with Donna. She was struck by the intense fear that she saw was emanating from his young eyes. As she felt her own eyes welling up with tears again, she pushed herself up and waddled over to the him, wrapping her arms around the young man who worshiped Josh like an older brother.
"I called Toby about the...the hearing tomorrow," he whispered shakily into her shoulder," and he told me that..." Swallowing hard he pulled back and met Donna's eyes. "Is there any news?"
"No," she said, letting him go and wandering over to the window.
"Do you know what's going on? Inside there, I mean."
"The police are doing everything they can," she replied, staring out into the rain that had begun to fall.
"Donna?" she heard Toby ask her as he entered the room. She turned her head slightly but didn't move from her spot. He roughly cleared his throat before saying, "I just got a call from the Washington Post. They have a source saying that there are police here and Josh's car was parked outside of a store were hostages are being held."
"And?"
He cast his eyes downward. "And they'd like to know if you'd comment on the situation."
In that moment, something inside Donna snapped. The part of her that been in control and unwilling to be affected by the situation suddenly vanished. "They want a comment?" Donna repeated disbelievingly before she started laughing hysterically as the tears coursed down her cheeks. "My husband might have a bullet hole in his head and the Washington Post wants to know what I think of it?!"
"Oh honey," Nicole said, going over to comfort her sister but Donna just shoved her away.
"No Nic, I don't have time for that!" she cried out, completely irrational and on the verge of absolutely losing it. "The Washington Post has asked a question of me and by God, they will get their answer." She went over to the phone and started to dial the number of the newspaper from memory before Toby walked over to her and grabbed the phone from hands.
"Don't do this, Donna," he instructed, struggling with her hands as gently as he could while she tried to wrestle the phone back.
"Fuck them, Toby!" she screamed violently, not caring who saw her or who heard her, not caring about anything that moment but the wave of pain she was riding. "Fuck them, that's my comment! He could be dead right now! I don't give damn what they want to know!" During her diatribe, everyone was so horrifically fixated on Donna that no one noticed when another person slipped into the room until it was too late.
"Mommy?" Emma's timid voice broke through to her mother. Donna had her back turned to her daughter and as she heard her, she immediately stiffened in Toby's arms. 'Oh God, please don't make me do this,' she silently begged. Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, she hastily wiped at her eyes before turning to her daughter.
"Emma, you...you should be upstairs with Freddie now," Donna said using every bit of her willpower to keep her voice level.
"Mommy, why are you crying?" the child asked.
"I'm not crying, baby," she lied, pasting a tight smile on her face as she walked over to Emma and rubbed her head.
"But you're eyes are all red, your nose is stuffed up, and your voice is scratchy," Emma pointed out, leaning against her mother's stomach. "Did something bad happen to your friend?"
Donna squeezed Emma against her more firmly, trying desperately to keep herself from frightening her child. "No honey. Mommy's just very worried about her friend and she got a little upset. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to see that."
"S'okay," Emma replied, still a little nervous. "I hope your friend is all right."
"Me too, baby. Me too."
"What happened to them?"
"Say Emma?" Gus broke in, tapping Emma's shoulder. "I was thinking on the way over here that you and I haven't been able to play a game of Monopoly in, like, a million years. You want to go play a quick game upstairs before bedtime?"
"How come you're here now, Gus?" she asked, scrunching her forehead. "It's really late for you to be here."
"Well Toby was waiting for your Daddy to come home to talk to him about something and since we both know how inept Toby is, he needed me to bring him a file," Gus lied easily.
Slightly satisfied, Emma glanced up at her mother and at Donna's urging, nodded her head yes. "Will you come tuck me in later?" she asked, giving her mother another hug.
"Of course I will," Donna replied, kissing the crown of her head before Gus led the child away.
"Oh Mommy," Emma turned back to her.
"Yeah?"
"Can you make sure Daddy comes and says goodnight too when he gets home?"
'Be strong, be strong,' Donna urged herself. 'Don't you dare break down in front of her again.' She nodded quickly, afraid to open her mouth as Gus finally got Emma out of the room. As soon as she heard their feet clomping up the stairs, she covered her mouth and began sobbing again, deep, hulking sobs that shook her entire body and made her sick to her stomach. She felt a pair of hands carefully lead her back to the sofa and as she sat down, pictures began flashing in her mind's eye: the birth of the twins, recitals, plays, graduations, birthdays, weddings of all her children, all of them without Josh standing there with her. Her gorge suddenly rose and someone pointed a trashcan under mouth as she spilled the contents of her stomach. She coughed and sputtered bile as she felt in her bones how bleak life would be for her and her daughters without Josh with them. When she was through, she leaned back against someone's chest as they gently rocked her in their arms.
"Shh, shh," she heard what sounded like Toby's voice murmuring in her ear. "Just calm down, everything's gonna be fine."
"I asked him to go there," she admitted shamefully, thinking out loud. "I asked him to stop for something on the way home. That's why he's in there right now, because I put him in there."
"Don't think about that right now. Just concentrate on the fact that the police are doing everything they can and that it'll be okay tomorrow when he's home."
"What if it's not?" she whispered feebly after a few minutes. She turned around to face him, noticing fleetingly they were alone in the room. "What if something happens to him? What if he...?" She couldn't articulate her fears, even though Toby knew what they were, because if she did, it would make them more real. "I can't do this without him," she said finally.
"You won't have to," Toby said confidently before getting up to get her some water.
She took the glass in both hands, taking a careful sip before continuing, "They have guns, Toby. Detective Grissom said that shots were fired. What if he was h...hit?"
He poured himself a shot of bourbon. "The eyewitnesses," he explained as he sat back down next to her, "outside the store, say no one appears to be seriously injured. If someone was, the police would be in there by now."
"What if he has an episode? He still can't even watch a movie or a TV show with guns; how could he handle that?"
"He's not going to flip out in there or do anything crazy. He'll be fine in the--"
"He wasn't fine the first time," Donna protested weakly. "At Rosslyn, he wasn't fine. When we got to the White House, one of the first things we learned was procedure on what to do if there was an attempt on the President's life. 1.) Avoid getting caught in a crowd 2.) Avoid open areas and 3.) If you can, find the nearest agent. You tell me, how many of those did he get right?"
"None," Toby said, scratching his beard. She knew she was bringing up very unpleasant memories of that night for him but she honestly didn't care that much.
"He knew what to do then and he didn't do it and that was before the PTSD. How can you sit there and tell me he's not going to do something stupid now?"
This was not an area Toby was well versed in, the area of emotions. He freely admitted to not being as open with his feelings as others and that was usually okay because it wasn't something he was usually called upon for. Need a policy speech written or a sharply worded press release, go Toby. Need a heartfelt gesture or the right words at the right moment, you'd be wise to look elsewhere. But there was no one elsewhere now to look to and Toby knew he was the only one who could make Donna understand this.
"Because he didn't have you last time," he said, looking right at her. "Josh didn't have you or Emma or Natalie or anything to think about when they started firing those rounds. He was only thinking about himself and that made him scared; now he's gonna think about his family and that's going to make him strong and that's going to make him fight to get back to you." He tipped Donna's chin up gently to make sure she was looking into his eyes. "He's coming home, Donna, I give you my word."
She hugged him then, hoping to somehow draw her strength from him when she felt an intense feeling of pressure in her stomach that felt horribly familiar. 'Oh God,' Donna thought frightfully. 'Not now.'
"Donna?" Toby questioned as he felt her tense in his arms. "What's wrong?"
The pressure suddenly became pain and she pulled away from Toby, nearly doubling over on the sofa. "The ba...babies," she gasped out, gripping her stomach to try to ward off the pain. "Something's wrong with--"
"Helen!" Toby shouted, shooting himself off the couch before Donna could finish. When he didn't get an immediate response, he turned helplessly to Donna.
"Go," she gritted out against the pain of what was unmistakably a contraction. "Go get her now." He raced out of the room, leaving Donna to deal with this latest obstacle. "Please don't be born yet," she begged of the daughters she'd yet to hold. "I know I haven't been thinking of you both tonight like I should have been and I am so, so sorry for that. There's just been so much for Mommy to deal with and I didn't take care of you properly." She gasped loudly as she felt a particularly hard twinge. "But I promise," she continued, "I love you so much and I'll take extra special care of all three of us from now on but you two have to not be born yet, okay? Can you please do that for Mommy?" A few seconds later, she could feel the pain start to ebb away and she was left with a residual soreness. "Good girls," she murmured, stroking her stomach as she leaned wearily back against the couch.
"Donna," Helen said professionally as she strode into the room followed by a parade of people. She sat down next to her patient and friend while simultaneously opening her medical bag. "Was it a contraction?" she asked, putting on a stethoscope as she lifted Donna's shirt to reveal her stomach. She pressed metal to Donna's skin to check the babies' heartbeats.
"Yeah, a bad one," she acknowledged.
"Any idea how long it was?"
"Maybe about thirty seconds or so." Helen strapped a blood pressure cuff on Donna and while she was checking that Donna asked tearfully, "Are they okay, Helen?"
"Do not get upset," Helen ordered instantly. "Stress is probably what brought this on so let's try to not do that right now." She made a note of Donna's blood pressure before motioning for her to stand up. "I need to check for dilation. Let's go to your room." The crowd made a pathway as Toby and Helen gingerly helped Donna off the couch, who felt like she was being swept up in the winds of a tropical storm.
"Nicole?" she called out, blindly reaching for her sister's hand. Donna knew she had treated her horribly before but she needed her big sister now.
Nicole instantly clasped it with her own hand. "I'm right here, Bella," she reassured her. "Don't worry, I'm not going to leave you."
"Okay," Donna whispered as they reached the steps. The three women went up the rest of the way, leaving the concerned bystanders with something else to fret about. Helen, Nicole, and Donna walked into Donna's room, being as quiet as possible when they passed the girls' rooms. They quickly got Donna situated on the bed, stripping her of the necessary garments. Nicole propped her sister up with some pillows and massaged her shoulders while Helen quickly washed her hands in the adjoining bathroom and slapped on a pair of latex gloves.
"All right, let's see what's going on in there," Helen muttered as she spread Donna's legs apart. "Just relax and breathe, Donna." The doctor proceeded to slide her hand gently into Donna's birth canal.
She winced in discomfort but stayed as still as possible. "You're doing fine, Bella," Nicole tried to comfort her, gliding her fingers across Donna's scalp.
"Are the babies okay?" Donna addressed Helen as the exam continued.
She pursed her lips as she carefully extracted her hand from Donna and patted her legs down. "They seem to be," Helen said carefully.
"Thank God," Nicole said, kissing Donna's forehead. Donna, overwhelmed with gratefulness, just sank back against the bed.
"You're water hasn't broken and there isn't any bleeding, which is good," Helen continued, disposing of her gloves. "But you are just starting to dilate and now is much too soon for that to happen. Also your blood pressure is not what I'd call healthy for a pregnant woman. That's why you had a contraction."
"They can't be born now, they're not big enough yet," Donna protested faintly. "Please tell me they won't be born now."
"They won't be born now," Helen insisted firmly. "But in order to make sure they aren't, I'm putting you on bed rest as of this moment. You don't move from this bed unless it's to walk five feet into that bathroom."
"But what about Josh?" she asked. "I need to be there when there's news to-- "
"No, you're staying up here and resting. If there's any significant news, I'll make sure you know but until then I want you to try to sleep and settle down."
"How can you expect me to settle down when he's--"
"Donna," Helen stated, carefully pushing her to lie down. "Right now, Josh has about two dozen people making sure that he is safe, including himself. These babies, right now, you're the only one that can keep them safe. They can't do it by themselves. Everything you feel, they feel and if you are worrying yourself into a heart attack that doesn't help them."
"Helen, please," Donna begged. "I need to be there for him when he gets back. What if it was Bobby in that store? Wouldn't you--"
"Donna, you rest up here in your own home where you can get news about Josh immediately or I'm admitting you to the hospital against your will if I have to," Helen swore, her eyes telling Donna that there would be no compromise. "I love you and Josh to death and it kills me that you have to go through this but I have to think about what's best for you and the twins, not about what you want."
"Come on, Bella," Nicole prodded. "What do you think Josh would do if he comes home and finds out you worried yourself into premature labor?"
Donna sighed heavily. "I don't have a chance of winning this fight, do I?" she asked rhetorically.
"About as much chance as I have of becoming Mrs. Brad Pitt," Nicole teased, hugging her close.
"Okay," Donna conceded, laying back. "Fine, I'll stay up here and try to forget about...everything." Nicole got up off the bed and helped Donna first pull a nightgown over her head and then settle underneath the covers while Helen packed up her medical bag. "I need to say goodnight to the girls," she suddenly remembered.
"No," Helen objected. "Now you have to rest."
"Helen--"
"Do you want to be able to say goodnight to two more girls in a few months?" Donna remained silent as she began to grasp the precariousness of the situation she was in. There were so many directions she was being pulled in, so places where she was needed and yet she could do nothing but lay in her bed.
"I'd like to be alone now," she finally said, turning her head away from them. She heard them shuffle out of the room, Helen telling her she'd be up later to check on her and to come get her if anything felt wrong. Then they were gone and for the first time all day, Donna was alone.
'No, not completely alone,' she thought as one of the babies began kicking and in spite of herself, she smiled. "You guys are okay, right? You just like toying around with Mommy's emotions, don't you?" she asked them softly. "I think you guys are determined to give me as many gray hairs as possible, at least one of you is anyways. I wonder which one? Is that you Audrey? Are you the little terror or is it Lexi?" She felt an especially strong kick to her ribs then and chuckled quietly. "Lexi it is then. I'll have to keep a close eye on you, my little firecracker." Glancing over at her night table, she saw a framed photo of herself and Josh on their wedding day, their second wedding day when she had had the fairy tale dress and flowers and reception and all of the things that had mattered. But that wasn't why the day had been so special; it was special because Josh planned the entire ceremony as a birthday surprise for her. Even though she had always insisted their first quickie wedding in Reno had been more than enough for her, he'd gone out of his way to give her the wedding of her dreams and it had been but not for because of all the pomp and circumstance that surrounded it but rather because he'd said, "I do", to her again. Josh was what had made it perfect for her; he made everything he could perfect for her.
"You girls are going to love your Daddy so much," she said softly, hugging her stomach tightly. "He is going to spoil you both rotten and he'll want to be with you both all the time and he'll do everything he can to make sure that nothing ever harms either of you. Of course he'll be driving you both bonkers while he's doing it but he won't care. He's going to humiliate you, smother you, and occasionally he'll scare you to an early grave but he's the best father any child could ask for. I knew that when I saw him with your big sister, Emma. Daddy was so good to her and he still is but it was very important back then because Emma had never had a daddy before but he made her forget that. She just worships him and your other sister, Natalie, is the same way. You should have seen him the first time he held her. I swear if that wasn't pure joy I saw on his face then the word joy needs a new definition. I wonder how he's gonna look when he holds the two of you."
"You'll find out in a few months, won't you ma'am?" a sympathetic voice with a strong accent said from the partially closed door. It opened further to reveal Nanny Gilroy standing in the doorway with a tray in her hands. "I'm sorry to disturb you ma'am but Dr. Harrington said you were feeling unwell and I thought perhaps you'd like some tea."
"Thank you," Donna nodded, sitting up a little. Nanny Gilroy set the tray down on the table and poured a cup for Donna.
"It's chamomile ma'am. It'll help relax you."
"I doubt it but thank you anyways." She sipped the sweet beverage slowly and looked up at the older woman standing beside her. "Is there any news?"
She shook her head regretfully. "No I'm afraid not. The police are still here and I'm sorry to say that some reporters are in front of the house."
"Print media or television?"
"Both I think. The police are trying to get them to leave but those ravenous vultures declined to I believe. Regardless, the children haven't seen them."
"Are they both asleep?"
"Yes ma'am. No need to worry yourself about them."
"I do worry about them," Donna persisted. "I worry about them and I worry about my recently separated brother and my workaholic sister and my grandmother in Wisconsin and my lesbian best friend and a bunch of people in California I used to call friends and a bunch of people I don't know who are in a store right now. But most of all I worry about my husband and I'm worrying so much about him I'm hurting my babies and I want to stop worrying about everyone but I can't and it's just really pissing me off."
"Then be pissed off, Mrs. Lyman," Nanny Gilroy replied. "Lord knows that you have a right to be. But do it later on."
"I want to do it right now!"
"Well right now you have other obligations, two of them being those babes you're carrying and due respect ma'am, you have no right to do that to them."
"I know," Donna sighed, feeling the fight drain from her. "It's just...when Josh needs me to be there for him, I am, no matter what. The last time I wasn't, he almost died and he needs me right now. I can feel it stronger than I've ever felt anything. I feel so helpless just sitting here and--"
"Making sure your twins are safe and sound," the Irish woman reminded her. "I can't pretend to imagine what this feels like for you but perhaps it will comfort you to know that you're doing the right thing for your family."
Donna raised her eyebrows in disbelief as she took another sip of tea. "May I ask you a personal question?"
"Of course."
"When your husband...passed away," she asked softly, as if saying the words to loud would be jinxing herself, "how did you...I mean I can't imagine...I don't know how I'm going get through this if something goes wrong and everyone is just telling me what I want to hear and not what I need and I need to know if it's possible to keep going when you lose the love of your life."
"I won't lie to you, Mrs. Lyman," Nanny Gilroy said maternally. "When my James died, it was a pain that Lucifer himself could not have imagined. I didn't get out of bed for weeks but I couldn't sleep. I was weak with hunger but I couldn't eat. I wanted to cry myself off to my Maker but I hadn't the tears. Then one day, I looked outside my window and saw the sun shining on the vegetable garden my husband had planted himself and I knew that my James was telling me that it was all right to go on." She patted Donna's hand supportively. "It hurts today as much as it did when the doctor came and told me but I've come to accept it as a part of me. And if what I don't believe will happen tonight does happen, then you have your family. You have your girls and for them, you'll come through this."
"Thank you," Donna whispered as her eyes started fluttering closed. She wanted to stay awake but a sudden wave of exhaustion was pulling her in with more strength than she had. Before Nanny Gilroy left the room, Donna was already in a deep slumber aided by the special herb that had been slipped into her drink per doctor's orders.
It was just as well because as soon her eyes closed, images of Josh came to her rapidly: Proposing to her, saying his vows of faith and fidelity, breathing with her in Lamaze class, coming home tired and disheveled at the day's end, building block towers with Natalie, pretending not to be stumped by some of Emma's math problems, caressing her stomach, plying her face with tender kisses, whispering words of love to her...
"Donna? Wake up, Donnatella," she heard his voice beckon her. Languidly she opened her eyes and stared up into his face, beautiful with its imperfections. Slightly disoriented, she smiled at him for a moment before swallowing the bitter taste in her mouth. As if it were a key unlocking her mind, she remembered what happened the last time she'd been awake with startling clarity.
"Josh?" she whispered fearfully.
"Yeah, it's me," he said tiredly, leaning down to kiss her forehead.
"I'm dreaming?" she asked, scared. "This is all a dream?"
"No I'm here," he tried to comfort her, settling back so she could get a good look at him. "It's over, the police got everyone out of the store okay." His told her there was more to the story than that, as did the bandage and caked blood near his hairline, but she was just too stunned at the moment to process it.
"Oh my God," she cried, closing her eyes relief washing over so fiercely she feared it would swallow her into unconsciousness. "Oh God you're alive." She reached up blindly for him, pulling him down to her breast and clutching him as tightly as she could. She felt his breathing hitch slightly and knew all the tears being shed in the room weren't just her own. "I love you."
"I love you too," he said, reaching a hand down to gently grip her stomach.
"You can never do that to me again," she ordered. "Do you understand me? You can never, ever do that to me again or I'm going to make suffer for it."
"I'll never leave you like that again, I promise," he swore, pulling back to look at her, stroking her hair.
"I was actually talking to God but I'm holding you to that too." Then she pulled him to her, not caring about anything anymore. Not about what had happened or if people were hurt or what would happen tomorrow. All she cared about was coming with a plan to make sure her husband never left her arms again.
'This isn't happening,' Donna thought dreadfully, stroking her stomach with a trembling hand. 'This cannot be happening to him, to us. It's all a terrible mistake. Any minute now, Josh is going to walk in and he's going to kiss me and he's going to threaten to sue the entire DC police force for scaring me like this.' But even as she thought this, Donna knew it wouldn't be true.
She looked around the room from her place on the sofa at the assortment of people gathered in her living room. Just one hour ago ago, she'd been busy preparing beef tenderloin for a small dinner party she'd been throwing that evening for some friends and family. Now her home was filled with police officers and various members of Josh's staff as they tried to establish some control over the situation. 'How do you control the actions of two teenaged kids with loaded guns and roomful of hostages?' she wondered bitterly.
The situation that was requiring so much attention was that of Josh being held hostage in a small convenience store ten miles away. From the bits of information Donna had been told, he was one of six hostages being held by two teenage boys who had attempted to rob the store. They had apparently gotten into an argument with the store clerk and shots had been fired inside. By sheer coincidence, an off-duty cop had just exited the store when he had heard the gunshot and had radioed for help immediately. They were currently trying to open a line of communication with the boys but all attempts so far had been unsuccessful. And while Donna hadn't been able to focus much during her conversations with people since she'd found out, she'd been able to learn that the longer the situation went on, the less likely it would be that the situation could be resolved without people getting hurt.
"Mrs. Lyman?" a now-familiar voice asked her. She turned her head slightly to see Detective Richard Grissom standing by her side. "Is there anything at all I can get for you?"
"My husband," she whispered stoically, not meeting his eye. She felt the pressure of her older sister's hand rubbing her back and while she knew it was well-intentioned, she wanted nothing more than to tear Nicole's arm out of her socket just so she could inflict upon someone else the pain that was swiftly and surely matriculating it's way through her body.
The detective nodded sympathetically. "We're doing everything within our power to get him out safely," he tried to comfort her. "This is a very precarious situation and it can take some time before we see any results."
"How much time?" Nicole asked curiously.
"It depends," he answered honestly. "It can take anywhere from hours to days in extreme cases to get everyone out safe--"
"But sometimes you don't," Donna broke in heatedly, glaring at him as if he were the cause of all her grief. "Sometimes you don't everyone out unharmed. Sometimes you don't get anyone out at all."
"Donna," Nicole chastised her, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"Sometimes people get killed," Donna continued vehemently, violently shrugging her sister away. "Sometimes the hostages die no matter what you do!"
The detective became aware that all eyes in the room were currently on them. "Mrs. Lyman," he began diplomatically. "We don't think that will--"
"Sometimes. They. Die!" she repeated even louder, daring the detective to contradict her.
After a beat, he nodded. "Yes," he said softly, "sometimes they die even when we do everything right."
"And for all you know that could happen here too, right?"
"Yes it could, ma'am." He sat down gingerly beside her. "I know there is nothing I can do to make you stop worrying about all the things that can wrong in situations like this. I can't stop making you wish your husband would materialize before you right now. All I can say is doing that will not bring him home any sooner and that perhaps your children do not need to see their mother worrying herself into premature labor." Someone called for him and he and the other officers left the room, leaving the sisters all alone.
Slightly chagrined, she tightened her hold on her stomach, trying to relax for the sake of the babies. "Are the girls upstairs?" she asked Nicole, a little calmer.
Nicole nodded. "Natalie's asleep and Nanny Gilroy has Emma and Freddie up there too."
"Was Emma asking any questions?" Nicole nodded again. "What did you tell her?"
"We told her that someone you knew was in a bad accident and you had to talk to the police for a little while."
"You lied to her," Donna stated.
"You'd rather I tell her the truth?" she asked incredulously. "She's eight years old, she can't understand what's happening. I don't even understand what's happening."
"But she'll know that you lied to her; she always knows when people lie to her and that's going to make her worry," Donna declared exasperatedly. "And then she's gonna want to know what's really going on and then I'm going to have to lie to her and then she'll--"
"Okay, okay," Nicole conceded, not wanting to get Donna going. "Do you want to try to lie down a bit? Maybe that'll help you--"
"Mrs. Lyman?" one of the officers asked her politely. "There's a young man outside who says he's a friend of the family. He's says he works for your husband."
As soon as he finished uttering the sentence, a rumpled and breathless Gus Whittaker burst into the room, immediately locking eyes with Donna. She was struck by the intense fear that she saw was emanating from his young eyes. As she felt her own eyes welling up with tears again, she pushed herself up and waddled over to the him, wrapping her arms around the young man who worshiped Josh like an older brother.
"I called Toby about the...the hearing tomorrow," he whispered shakily into her shoulder," and he told me that..." Swallowing hard he pulled back and met Donna's eyes. "Is there any news?"
"No," she said, letting him go and wandering over to the window.
"Do you know what's going on? Inside there, I mean."
"The police are doing everything they can," she replied, staring out into the rain that had begun to fall.
"Donna?" she heard Toby ask her as he entered the room. She turned her head slightly but didn't move from her spot. He roughly cleared his throat before saying, "I just got a call from the Washington Post. They have a source saying that there are police here and Josh's car was parked outside of a store were hostages are being held."
"And?"
He cast his eyes downward. "And they'd like to know if you'd comment on the situation."
In that moment, something inside Donna snapped. The part of her that been in control and unwilling to be affected by the situation suddenly vanished. "They want a comment?" Donna repeated disbelievingly before she started laughing hysterically as the tears coursed down her cheeks. "My husband might have a bullet hole in his head and the Washington Post wants to know what I think of it?!"
"Oh honey," Nicole said, going over to comfort her sister but Donna just shoved her away.
"No Nic, I don't have time for that!" she cried out, completely irrational and on the verge of absolutely losing it. "The Washington Post has asked a question of me and by God, they will get their answer." She went over to the phone and started to dial the number of the newspaper from memory before Toby walked over to her and grabbed the phone from hands.
"Don't do this, Donna," he instructed, struggling with her hands as gently as he could while she tried to wrestle the phone back.
"Fuck them, Toby!" she screamed violently, not caring who saw her or who heard her, not caring about anything that moment but the wave of pain she was riding. "Fuck them, that's my comment! He could be dead right now! I don't give damn what they want to know!" During her diatribe, everyone was so horrifically fixated on Donna that no one noticed when another person slipped into the room until it was too late.
"Mommy?" Emma's timid voice broke through to her mother. Donna had her back turned to her daughter and as she heard her, she immediately stiffened in Toby's arms. 'Oh God, please don't make me do this,' she silently begged. Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, she hastily wiped at her eyes before turning to her daughter.
"Emma, you...you should be upstairs with Freddie now," Donna said using every bit of her willpower to keep her voice level.
"Mommy, why are you crying?" the child asked.
"I'm not crying, baby," she lied, pasting a tight smile on her face as she walked over to Emma and rubbed her head.
"But you're eyes are all red, your nose is stuffed up, and your voice is scratchy," Emma pointed out, leaning against her mother's stomach. "Did something bad happen to your friend?"
Donna squeezed Emma against her more firmly, trying desperately to keep herself from frightening her child. "No honey. Mommy's just very worried about her friend and she got a little upset. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to see that."
"S'okay," Emma replied, still a little nervous. "I hope your friend is all right."
"Me too, baby. Me too."
"What happened to them?"
"Say Emma?" Gus broke in, tapping Emma's shoulder. "I was thinking on the way over here that you and I haven't been able to play a game of Monopoly in, like, a million years. You want to go play a quick game upstairs before bedtime?"
"How come you're here now, Gus?" she asked, scrunching her forehead. "It's really late for you to be here."
"Well Toby was waiting for your Daddy to come home to talk to him about something and since we both know how inept Toby is, he needed me to bring him a file," Gus lied easily.
Slightly satisfied, Emma glanced up at her mother and at Donna's urging, nodded her head yes. "Will you come tuck me in later?" she asked, giving her mother another hug.
"Of course I will," Donna replied, kissing the crown of her head before Gus led the child away.
"Oh Mommy," Emma turned back to her.
"Yeah?"
"Can you make sure Daddy comes and says goodnight too when he gets home?"
'Be strong, be strong,' Donna urged herself. 'Don't you dare break down in front of her again.' She nodded quickly, afraid to open her mouth as Gus finally got Emma out of the room. As soon as she heard their feet clomping up the stairs, she covered her mouth and began sobbing again, deep, hulking sobs that shook her entire body and made her sick to her stomach. She felt a pair of hands carefully lead her back to the sofa and as she sat down, pictures began flashing in her mind's eye: the birth of the twins, recitals, plays, graduations, birthdays, weddings of all her children, all of them without Josh standing there with her. Her gorge suddenly rose and someone pointed a trashcan under mouth as she spilled the contents of her stomach. She coughed and sputtered bile as she felt in her bones how bleak life would be for her and her daughters without Josh with them. When she was through, she leaned back against someone's chest as they gently rocked her in their arms.
"Shh, shh," she heard what sounded like Toby's voice murmuring in her ear. "Just calm down, everything's gonna be fine."
"I asked him to go there," she admitted shamefully, thinking out loud. "I asked him to stop for something on the way home. That's why he's in there right now, because I put him in there."
"Don't think about that right now. Just concentrate on the fact that the police are doing everything they can and that it'll be okay tomorrow when he's home."
"What if it's not?" she whispered feebly after a few minutes. She turned around to face him, noticing fleetingly they were alone in the room. "What if something happens to him? What if he...?" She couldn't articulate her fears, even though Toby knew what they were, because if she did, it would make them more real. "I can't do this without him," she said finally.
"You won't have to," Toby said confidently before getting up to get her some water.
She took the glass in both hands, taking a careful sip before continuing, "They have guns, Toby. Detective Grissom said that shots were fired. What if he was h...hit?"
He poured himself a shot of bourbon. "The eyewitnesses," he explained as he sat back down next to her, "outside the store, say no one appears to be seriously injured. If someone was, the police would be in there by now."
"What if he has an episode? He still can't even watch a movie or a TV show with guns; how could he handle that?"
"He's not going to flip out in there or do anything crazy. He'll be fine in the--"
"He wasn't fine the first time," Donna protested weakly. "At Rosslyn, he wasn't fine. When we got to the White House, one of the first things we learned was procedure on what to do if there was an attempt on the President's life. 1.) Avoid getting caught in a crowd 2.) Avoid open areas and 3.) If you can, find the nearest agent. You tell me, how many of those did he get right?"
"None," Toby said, scratching his beard. She knew she was bringing up very unpleasant memories of that night for him but she honestly didn't care that much.
"He knew what to do then and he didn't do it and that was before the PTSD. How can you sit there and tell me he's not going to do something stupid now?"
This was not an area Toby was well versed in, the area of emotions. He freely admitted to not being as open with his feelings as others and that was usually okay because it wasn't something he was usually called upon for. Need a policy speech written or a sharply worded press release, go Toby. Need a heartfelt gesture or the right words at the right moment, you'd be wise to look elsewhere. But there was no one elsewhere now to look to and Toby knew he was the only one who could make Donna understand this.
"Because he didn't have you last time," he said, looking right at her. "Josh didn't have you or Emma or Natalie or anything to think about when they started firing those rounds. He was only thinking about himself and that made him scared; now he's gonna think about his family and that's going to make him strong and that's going to make him fight to get back to you." He tipped Donna's chin up gently to make sure she was looking into his eyes. "He's coming home, Donna, I give you my word."
She hugged him then, hoping to somehow draw her strength from him when she felt an intense feeling of pressure in her stomach that felt horribly familiar. 'Oh God,' Donna thought frightfully. 'Not now.'
"Donna?" Toby questioned as he felt her tense in his arms. "What's wrong?"
The pressure suddenly became pain and she pulled away from Toby, nearly doubling over on the sofa. "The ba...babies," she gasped out, gripping her stomach to try to ward off the pain. "Something's wrong with--"
"Helen!" Toby shouted, shooting himself off the couch before Donna could finish. When he didn't get an immediate response, he turned helplessly to Donna.
"Go," she gritted out against the pain of what was unmistakably a contraction. "Go get her now." He raced out of the room, leaving Donna to deal with this latest obstacle. "Please don't be born yet," she begged of the daughters she'd yet to hold. "I know I haven't been thinking of you both tonight like I should have been and I am so, so sorry for that. There's just been so much for Mommy to deal with and I didn't take care of you properly." She gasped loudly as she felt a particularly hard twinge. "But I promise," she continued, "I love you so much and I'll take extra special care of all three of us from now on but you two have to not be born yet, okay? Can you please do that for Mommy?" A few seconds later, she could feel the pain start to ebb away and she was left with a residual soreness. "Good girls," she murmured, stroking her stomach as she leaned wearily back against the couch.
"Donna," Helen said professionally as she strode into the room followed by a parade of people. She sat down next to her patient and friend while simultaneously opening her medical bag. "Was it a contraction?" she asked, putting on a stethoscope as she lifted Donna's shirt to reveal her stomach. She pressed metal to Donna's skin to check the babies' heartbeats.
"Yeah, a bad one," she acknowledged.
"Any idea how long it was?"
"Maybe about thirty seconds or so." Helen strapped a blood pressure cuff on Donna and while she was checking that Donna asked tearfully, "Are they okay, Helen?"
"Do not get upset," Helen ordered instantly. "Stress is probably what brought this on so let's try to not do that right now." She made a note of Donna's blood pressure before motioning for her to stand up. "I need to check for dilation. Let's go to your room." The crowd made a pathway as Toby and Helen gingerly helped Donna off the couch, who felt like she was being swept up in the winds of a tropical storm.
"Nicole?" she called out, blindly reaching for her sister's hand. Donna knew she had treated her horribly before but she needed her big sister now.
Nicole instantly clasped it with her own hand. "I'm right here, Bella," she reassured her. "Don't worry, I'm not going to leave you."
"Okay," Donna whispered as they reached the steps. The three women went up the rest of the way, leaving the concerned bystanders with something else to fret about. Helen, Nicole, and Donna walked into Donna's room, being as quiet as possible when they passed the girls' rooms. They quickly got Donna situated on the bed, stripping her of the necessary garments. Nicole propped her sister up with some pillows and massaged her shoulders while Helen quickly washed her hands in the adjoining bathroom and slapped on a pair of latex gloves.
"All right, let's see what's going on in there," Helen muttered as she spread Donna's legs apart. "Just relax and breathe, Donna." The doctor proceeded to slide her hand gently into Donna's birth canal.
She winced in discomfort but stayed as still as possible. "You're doing fine, Bella," Nicole tried to comfort her, gliding her fingers across Donna's scalp.
"Are the babies okay?" Donna addressed Helen as the exam continued.
She pursed her lips as she carefully extracted her hand from Donna and patted her legs down. "They seem to be," Helen said carefully.
"Thank God," Nicole said, kissing Donna's forehead. Donna, overwhelmed with gratefulness, just sank back against the bed.
"You're water hasn't broken and there isn't any bleeding, which is good," Helen continued, disposing of her gloves. "But you are just starting to dilate and now is much too soon for that to happen. Also your blood pressure is not what I'd call healthy for a pregnant woman. That's why you had a contraction."
"They can't be born now, they're not big enough yet," Donna protested faintly. "Please tell me they won't be born now."
"They won't be born now," Helen insisted firmly. "But in order to make sure they aren't, I'm putting you on bed rest as of this moment. You don't move from this bed unless it's to walk five feet into that bathroom."
"But what about Josh?" she asked. "I need to be there when there's news to-- "
"No, you're staying up here and resting. If there's any significant news, I'll make sure you know but until then I want you to try to sleep and settle down."
"How can you expect me to settle down when he's--"
"Donna," Helen stated, carefully pushing her to lie down. "Right now, Josh has about two dozen people making sure that he is safe, including himself. These babies, right now, you're the only one that can keep them safe. They can't do it by themselves. Everything you feel, they feel and if you are worrying yourself into a heart attack that doesn't help them."
"Helen, please," Donna begged. "I need to be there for him when he gets back. What if it was Bobby in that store? Wouldn't you--"
"Donna, you rest up here in your own home where you can get news about Josh immediately or I'm admitting you to the hospital against your will if I have to," Helen swore, her eyes telling Donna that there would be no compromise. "I love you and Josh to death and it kills me that you have to go through this but I have to think about what's best for you and the twins, not about what you want."
"Come on, Bella," Nicole prodded. "What do you think Josh would do if he comes home and finds out you worried yourself into premature labor?"
Donna sighed heavily. "I don't have a chance of winning this fight, do I?" she asked rhetorically.
"About as much chance as I have of becoming Mrs. Brad Pitt," Nicole teased, hugging her close.
"Okay," Donna conceded, laying back. "Fine, I'll stay up here and try to forget about...everything." Nicole got up off the bed and helped Donna first pull a nightgown over her head and then settle underneath the covers while Helen packed up her medical bag. "I need to say goodnight to the girls," she suddenly remembered.
"No," Helen objected. "Now you have to rest."
"Helen--"
"Do you want to be able to say goodnight to two more girls in a few months?" Donna remained silent as she began to grasp the precariousness of the situation she was in. There were so many directions she was being pulled in, so places where she was needed and yet she could do nothing but lay in her bed.
"I'd like to be alone now," she finally said, turning her head away from them. She heard them shuffle out of the room, Helen telling her she'd be up later to check on her and to come get her if anything felt wrong. Then they were gone and for the first time all day, Donna was alone.
'No, not completely alone,' she thought as one of the babies began kicking and in spite of herself, she smiled. "You guys are okay, right? You just like toying around with Mommy's emotions, don't you?" she asked them softly. "I think you guys are determined to give me as many gray hairs as possible, at least one of you is anyways. I wonder which one? Is that you Audrey? Are you the little terror or is it Lexi?" She felt an especially strong kick to her ribs then and chuckled quietly. "Lexi it is then. I'll have to keep a close eye on you, my little firecracker." Glancing over at her night table, she saw a framed photo of herself and Josh on their wedding day, their second wedding day when she had had the fairy tale dress and flowers and reception and all of the things that had mattered. But that wasn't why the day had been so special; it was special because Josh planned the entire ceremony as a birthday surprise for her. Even though she had always insisted their first quickie wedding in Reno had been more than enough for her, he'd gone out of his way to give her the wedding of her dreams and it had been but not for because of all the pomp and circumstance that surrounded it but rather because he'd said, "I do", to her again. Josh was what had made it perfect for her; he made everything he could perfect for her.
"You girls are going to love your Daddy so much," she said softly, hugging her stomach tightly. "He is going to spoil you both rotten and he'll want to be with you both all the time and he'll do everything he can to make sure that nothing ever harms either of you. Of course he'll be driving you both bonkers while he's doing it but he won't care. He's going to humiliate you, smother you, and occasionally he'll scare you to an early grave but he's the best father any child could ask for. I knew that when I saw him with your big sister, Emma. Daddy was so good to her and he still is but it was very important back then because Emma had never had a daddy before but he made her forget that. She just worships him and your other sister, Natalie, is the same way. You should have seen him the first time he held her. I swear if that wasn't pure joy I saw on his face then the word joy needs a new definition. I wonder how he's gonna look when he holds the two of you."
"You'll find out in a few months, won't you ma'am?" a sympathetic voice with a strong accent said from the partially closed door. It opened further to reveal Nanny Gilroy standing in the doorway with a tray in her hands. "I'm sorry to disturb you ma'am but Dr. Harrington said you were feeling unwell and I thought perhaps you'd like some tea."
"Thank you," Donna nodded, sitting up a little. Nanny Gilroy set the tray down on the table and poured a cup for Donna.
"It's chamomile ma'am. It'll help relax you."
"I doubt it but thank you anyways." She sipped the sweet beverage slowly and looked up at the older woman standing beside her. "Is there any news?"
She shook her head regretfully. "No I'm afraid not. The police are still here and I'm sorry to say that some reporters are in front of the house."
"Print media or television?"
"Both I think. The police are trying to get them to leave but those ravenous vultures declined to I believe. Regardless, the children haven't seen them."
"Are they both asleep?"
"Yes ma'am. No need to worry yourself about them."
"I do worry about them," Donna persisted. "I worry about them and I worry about my recently separated brother and my workaholic sister and my grandmother in Wisconsin and my lesbian best friend and a bunch of people in California I used to call friends and a bunch of people I don't know who are in a store right now. But most of all I worry about my husband and I'm worrying so much about him I'm hurting my babies and I want to stop worrying about everyone but I can't and it's just really pissing me off."
"Then be pissed off, Mrs. Lyman," Nanny Gilroy replied. "Lord knows that you have a right to be. But do it later on."
"I want to do it right now!"
"Well right now you have other obligations, two of them being those babes you're carrying and due respect ma'am, you have no right to do that to them."
"I know," Donna sighed, feeling the fight drain from her. "It's just...when Josh needs me to be there for him, I am, no matter what. The last time I wasn't, he almost died and he needs me right now. I can feel it stronger than I've ever felt anything. I feel so helpless just sitting here and--"
"Making sure your twins are safe and sound," the Irish woman reminded her. "I can't pretend to imagine what this feels like for you but perhaps it will comfort you to know that you're doing the right thing for your family."
Donna raised her eyebrows in disbelief as she took another sip of tea. "May I ask you a personal question?"
"Of course."
"When your husband...passed away," she asked softly, as if saying the words to loud would be jinxing herself, "how did you...I mean I can't imagine...I don't know how I'm going get through this if something goes wrong and everyone is just telling me what I want to hear and not what I need and I need to know if it's possible to keep going when you lose the love of your life."
"I won't lie to you, Mrs. Lyman," Nanny Gilroy said maternally. "When my James died, it was a pain that Lucifer himself could not have imagined. I didn't get out of bed for weeks but I couldn't sleep. I was weak with hunger but I couldn't eat. I wanted to cry myself off to my Maker but I hadn't the tears. Then one day, I looked outside my window and saw the sun shining on the vegetable garden my husband had planted himself and I knew that my James was telling me that it was all right to go on." She patted Donna's hand supportively. "It hurts today as much as it did when the doctor came and told me but I've come to accept it as a part of me. And if what I don't believe will happen tonight does happen, then you have your family. You have your girls and for them, you'll come through this."
"Thank you," Donna whispered as her eyes started fluttering closed. She wanted to stay awake but a sudden wave of exhaustion was pulling her in with more strength than she had. Before Nanny Gilroy left the room, Donna was already in a deep slumber aided by the special herb that had been slipped into her drink per doctor's orders.
It was just as well because as soon her eyes closed, images of Josh came to her rapidly: Proposing to her, saying his vows of faith and fidelity, breathing with her in Lamaze class, coming home tired and disheveled at the day's end, building block towers with Natalie, pretending not to be stumped by some of Emma's math problems, caressing her stomach, plying her face with tender kisses, whispering words of love to her...
"Donna? Wake up, Donnatella," she heard his voice beckon her. Languidly she opened her eyes and stared up into his face, beautiful with its imperfections. Slightly disoriented, she smiled at him for a moment before swallowing the bitter taste in her mouth. As if it were a key unlocking her mind, she remembered what happened the last time she'd been awake with startling clarity.
"Josh?" she whispered fearfully.
"Yeah, it's me," he said tiredly, leaning down to kiss her forehead.
"I'm dreaming?" she asked, scared. "This is all a dream?"
"No I'm here," he tried to comfort her, settling back so she could get a good look at him. "It's over, the police got everyone out of the store okay." His told her there was more to the story than that, as did the bandage and caked blood near his hairline, but she was just too stunned at the moment to process it.
"Oh my God," she cried, closing her eyes relief washing over so fiercely she feared it would swallow her into unconsciousness. "Oh God you're alive." She reached up blindly for him, pulling him down to her breast and clutching him as tightly as she could. She felt his breathing hitch slightly and knew all the tears being shed in the room weren't just her own. "I love you."
"I love you too," he said, reaching a hand down to gently grip her stomach.
"You can never do that to me again," she ordered. "Do you understand me? You can never, ever do that to me again or I'm going to make suffer for it."
"I'll never leave you like that again, I promise," he swore, pulling back to look at her, stroking her hair.
"I was actually talking to God but I'm holding you to that too." Then she pulled him to her, not caring about anything anymore. Not about what had happened or if people were hurt or what would happen tomorrow. All she cared about was coming with a plan to make sure her husband never left her arms again.