ZX: (dodging knives, tomatoes and assorted fruit pies) We're sorry we haven't updated in like, two weeks!
Readers: Yeah, right! (launch more stuff at ZX)
ZX: (on knees, begging) Okay, we promise to update every other day or so! Is that good?
Readers: Okay. But you better do it!
ZX: (bowing) Thank you...
DISCLAIMER: Yeah, yeah...we don't own none of it.
Chapter Five
Rock, Barn, Mozoku
Xellos glanced around the building he had entered with distaste. "What a dump," he grumbled as he looked around some more. As he took a step forward, the chains on his wrists rattled and clanged, reminding him of their presence. "First order of business: GET YOU OFF OF ME," Xellos said moodily to the chains. Clang, clang was the only response he got.
Xellos then began to look around for a way to remove the parasitic chains. Believing that he was alone, he began to teleport quickly throughout the barn. "Nope, nothing here," he said at one end. "And, nothing here either," he said at another. Suddenly, he teleported in front of an anvil and noticed the hammer-thing sitting on top of it. "Peeeerfect!"
Instantly he snatched up the hammer-thing and was about to begin banging on the chain when a loud thump sounded to his right. Xellos froze and stared around nervously like a kid caught raiding the cookie jar. He opened one eye tentatively and saw a blond girl sitting in a chair not far away, fast asleep. The mace he assumed she had previously been holding now lay on the floor.
"Oooh! A mace! That could get these suckers off pronto!" he cackled happily, reaching over for it.
"Blah blay, na nya blah blah!" the girl said incoherently as he attempted to remove the mace's handle from her hand. She sat up in her chair and looked around. Xellos froze, watching her warily and preparing to bolt if needed. But, luckily for Captain Fruitcake, the girl was merely sleep talking and soon slumped back into the chair, snoring.
"Okay...that was scary," the pirate commented as he slowly backed away. He returned to the hammer-thing and began pounding on the chains with it once more. After about five minutes, the chains were still no closer to coming off than they had been before.
"Ah...dammit. It's not working," he said, throwing the hammer-thing into an iron rod and knocking it down. His eyes lighted on the iron rod, then turned to the fire, and lastly fell upon the donkey in the corner, minding its own business and happily chewing on hay. Above it, there was a connection to the donkey and machinery that looked quite capable of breaking the ever-so-annoying chains.
A quick dash to the furnace and an impatiently waited fifteen seconds produced an iron rod with a bright red tip. Laughing evilly, Xellos approached Mr. Donkey, twirling the rod like a baton.
"I've got a little present for you, Mr. Donkey!" he cackled as the donkey looked at him questioningly, chewing its cud.
"Sore wa himitsu desu!" he said, putting his finger to his lips in answer to Mr. Donkey's questioning stare. He made to walk away, and then turned around rapidly, striking Mr. Donkey on the butt with the hot tip of the iron rod.
Mr. Donkey did NOT like this 'present' in the very least, and squealed loudly before he began walking around his little circle, causing the machinery above to start up. Clapping his hands and looking completely satisfied, Xellos approached one of the cogs and wrapped the chain around it. He followed the machine along its path and was soon rewarded with a loud crunching sound.
"Hehe!" he said joyfully, holding up his two hands and admiring the broken chain. Suddenly, his joyful bubble of bliss was popped by the sound of the barn door being opened. Curious to see who it was, he dashed into the shadows and watched as a young man entered.
"He's...blue," he commented as Zelgadis carelessly tossed his coat onto the ground and began checking his surroundings.
"Hey, it's okay!" he said soothingly to Mr. Donkey, rubbing the animal's nose until it calmed down. Absently he wondered exactly why the donkey had been walking around in the first place, since it was the laziest beast on the face of the Earth.
"Master Filia...still asleep, just like I left you," he commented upon passing the snoring girl in the chair. Zelgadis then approached the anvil and stared at it curiously. The hammer-thing was missing!
He spied it close to the furnace, lying next to the iron rod on the ground. "That is not how I left those!" he muttered in annoyance. Someone had been in his barn, messing with his stuff! They must surely die!
He stalked moodily over to the hammer-thing and picked it up. As he turned to replace it, he was confronted with a smiling Xellos.
"Hi!" Xellos chirped, the stupidest grin in the world plastered on his face. Zelgadis was not amused.
"Who are you?" he asked coldly, considering chucking the hammer-thing at the strange person before him.
"Oh, no one!" Xellos replied merrily, then reached over with lightning speed and snatched the hammer-thing from Zelgadis. "Just a pirate!"
"A pirate?! I hate pirates!" Zelgadis exclaimed, lunging angrily at Xellos. Before he could get any further, however, Xellos banged the hammer-thing down on his forehead.
"Hehe," he said, fully expecting his opponent to fall over with a huge dent in his head. Instead, Zelgadis rubbed his head, crossed his arms, and gazed irritably at Xellos. "Huh? What?! The hammer-thing...you...head...huh?" he blabbered confusedly.
Zelgadis snorted in disgust. "Okay, now that that's over...GET OUTTA HERE!"
"Nope, afraid I can't do that," Xellos replied, tossing the hammer-thing behind him where it crashed loudly into a barrel. He abruptly grabbed Zelgadis by the shoulders and stared wide-eyed into his face. "They're looking for me!" he whispered mysteriously.
Zelgadis blinked, and then irritably shoved Xellos away. "Well, then I'll be the one to take you to them!" He then tapped his chin thoughtfully. "In fact, why don't I go get them right now? Yes! Good idea." As Zel turned and walked toward the door, Xellos reached over and grabbed his arm.
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that," he said conversationally, dragging Zel away from the door. "See, they'll toss me into prison if you do that. I don't like prison, savvy?"
Zel blinked and rolled his eyes. "I don't care if you don't like prison! I don't like pirates, so you're going there whether you like it or not!"
"It's always about you, isn't it?" Xellos sighed as if he was the victim in this situation. "It's always me me me me me! 'I don't like you, so you're going to prison!'" he said mockingly.
"Oh shove it!" Zel snapped, swiping Xellos's hand off of his arm as if it was a vile insect.
Xellos thought for a moment, then brightened when an idea came to him. "Since you won't let me out the EASY way...we'll have to settle this the hard way! ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!" he shouted, taking up the rock, paper, scissors stance.
"Yer on!" snarled Zel, mimicking Xellos's pose.
"ROCK...PAPER...SCISSORS!" they both shouted out at the top of their lungs. Oddly enough, both of them held the symbol for 'paper.' They shared a glance, then mutually agreed to try it again.
"ROCK...PAPER...SCISSORS!" came the shout again. This time, they both produced the symbol for 'rock.'
"My rock beats yours!" Xellos insisted, waving his fist in Zel's face.
"What are you talking about?! They're both the same!" Zel exclaimed angrily.
"Okay, fine! We'll do it again!" Xellos agreed.
"ROCK...PAPER...SCISSORS!" And, guess what? They both had 'scissors' this time. Both of them sweat dropped.
"This is getting us nowhere!" Zel snapped, then turned and drew a sword from where it hung on the wall. "We'll settle this with swords!"
"Fine by me!" Xellos exclaimed. "Sword, come forth!"
Zel stared at Xellos with a sweat drop. "Uh...you might want to check on that sword of yours," he stated, suppressing a laugh.
"Eh?" Xellos said, glancing up at his sword. Which was actually his wooden staff. He blushed. "Hehe! Stick!" he said, pointing stupidly at it.
Zel blinked.
"Okay..." Xellos said, shoving his staff into thin air, "...SWORD!" This time, he actually DID draw his weapon. Instantly he began swinging it about in many intricate maneuvers intended to intimidate Zelgadis.
Zel merely smiled. "You honestly think you can hurt me with that?" he asked smugly.
"Of course!" hollered Xellos, bringing the blade down on Zel's head. There came a sound like metal striking stone, and no scratch appeared on his opponent. "Huh?"
"Look at me, idiot! I'm made out of rock! You can't hurt rock with that flimsy excuse of a sword!" Zel exclaimed triumphantly.
"Ah. Okay, then I'll just be going now!" Xellos said smoothly, sheathing his sword and backing towards the door.
Just as the Mozoku reached out to grab the latch, Zelgadis launched his sword at the door. It flew gracefully across the room and neatly lodged itself into the latch. Xellos gawked at the shaking hilt in surprise, then reached out and grabbed it. He then proceeded to attempt to pull it out of the door. No such luck. Then Xellos grabbed the latch and began frantically jumping up and down, but to no avail. The door remained shut.
"Heh...nice trick," he said dangerously as he turned to face a smug Zelgadis. "But, now you don't have a weapon, I have mine, and you're still blocking my way out! That altogether MAKES ME MAD!" he growled, taking a swipe at Zel.
Zel nimbly jumped away and snatched the iron rod from in front of the furnace. It was still sweltering hot on the tip. Xellos's growl froze somewhat as Zel brandished it at him, and from behind, Mr. Donkey, still remembering quite well the nice little 'present' the rod had given him, began to walk in his circle, starting up the machinery.
For a few minutes they took turns swiping at each other, then suddenly Xellos knocked the rod out of Zelgadis's hand. Zel immediately dove behind a rack of swords to avoid the slash Xellos had aimed at his head. He grabbed a sword and got up in time to parry a blow from the pirate.
"Who makes all these?" Xellos asked as he poked at Zel and stared at all the swords in between attacks.
"Me, of course!" Zel said proudly as he popped around the rack and narrowly missed jabbing Xellos's arm.
"You need to find yourself a girlfriend!" Xellos said tauntingly as Zel grabbed another sword. Zel attempted to bring both weapons down on Xellos, but the pirate blocked the blow with his own sword. "Oh, wait, I forgot...YOU'RE A FREAK!" he shouted into Zel's face.
"I KNOW THAT!" Zel roared, trying to thrust Xellos away.
"Haha, rock boy! No girl wants a rock for a boyfriend! At least, no NORMAL girl, anyway!" Xellos sang out, clearly enjoying the torment he brought upon his opponent.
Zel responded with a snarl, taking a violent slash at Xellos, which forced him to jump onto a nearby board. Now, this board was special, mind. It had a barrel under it! So, when Zelgadis jumped onto the other end, the barrel rolled slightly and both balanced on each edge of the board.
Suddenly, Zel shoved one of his swords through the dangling chain on Xellos's left wrist, grinned smugly, and thrust the sword into a wooden beam above them. "Hey! Not fair!" Xellos squawked, twirling around in an attempt to free his wrist. He swung wildly at Zel, who simply dodged; he figured that the sword wouldn't work, so he kicked Zel squarely in the face and sent him sprawling onto the floor. "Ow! My toe hurts! He really is made of rock!" he said to himself. The pirate then turned his attention to getting the sword unstuck from the wooden beam.
Zel shook his head and leapt to his feet, ready to slice Xellos to ribbons. "Haha! Die!" he exclaimed. Unfortunately for him, the moment he stepped onto the board timed perfectly with Xellos dislodging the sword and falling onto his end of the board. The impact of Xellos's landing sent him about a mere foot off the ground, a pleasant surprise for Zel.
"WHAT?! You were supposed to be tossed up there!" Xellos shouted, pointing at the beams above them. "Oh well. Come and get me!" he taunted, teleporting up into the beams as Zel charged at him.
"What...?" Zel asked, looking around for his opponent.
"Nya nya, I'm up here!" Xellos sang out tauntingly. Zel looked up into the rafters in time to see the pirate pull down his eyelid and stick his tongue out at him.
"Grrr...you little!" he exclaimed, but before he could do anything else, Xellos cut a rope holding up a large sack of barrels and waved at Zel as they fell onto the raised end of the board.
"Gaaahhhh!" Zel screamed as he was launched into the rafters. He latched onto a beam and glared at the Mozoku, who was rocking back and forth, smiling. When he noticed Zel's glance, he immediately pulled down both eyelids and spat his tongue at the chimera.
"GGGGAAAAARRRRRR!" Zel exclaimed, scrambling up onto the beam and drawing his sword. "Cut it out before I do!" This comment caused Xellos to stop in mid-spit. He then sucked his tongue back inside his mouth and leapt out of the way of a swing from Zel.
The two began fiercely exchanging blows, both attempting to keep their balance, when suddenly Zel sent Xellos's sword plummeting to the ground ten feet below. "Heh!" he said in triumph, preparing to take the final blow. Just at the right moment, however, the pirate teleported to the ground, far out of Zel's reach.
With an angry grunt, Zel jumped down from the rafters and cornered Xellos, who was now standing on a stack of boxes. "Eee!" he squeaked as Zel came closer for the finishing blow, then noticed a sack of flour hanging nearby. "Take this!" he shouted, pouring it all over Zel.
Gleefully Xellos kicked Zel's sword out of his grip and jumped down, drawing his pistol just as Zel looked up, his face caked with flour. "Bwhahahahaha!" Xellos erupted. "You look like a girl!" he taunted. There came a tint of pink beneath the white powder as Zel blushed angrily.
"That won't hurt me, you know," Zel said, pointing at the pistol in an attempt to distract Xellos from Zel's face.
"Oh, just shut up and pretend like you are afraid of it anyway!" Xellos snapped. The clicking sound that came next clearly signified that he was not joking. "Now...MOVE!"
"No way in hell!" Zel retorted.
"Now, now, watch your language!" Xellos reprimanded him.
"Oh, so YOU can say 'dammit,' but I can't say h—"
THWAK!
Zel stared curiously at Xellos as a large mace was brought down neatly on his head, knocking him unconscious. After tottering in place for a few seconds, Xellos fell face forward onto the ground. Behind him stood a jubilant Filia.
"I've always wanted to do that," she said with a wink at Zel as there came a banging at the door. In a matter of moments, soldiers had knocked down the door and swarmed into the barn, surrounding Xellos and pointing their rifles at him. Why, though, you may ask, seeing as how he is unconscious and unaware of their presence in the first place? Oh well...onward with the story!
"Well done, Miss Filia! You have just assisted in the capture of a dangerous fugitive!" Commodore Zangulus congratulated Filia.
"Oh, it was nothing! I'll do anything to help catch dirty, smelly Mozoku pirates like that!" Filia chirped happily, shouldering her mace and taking up a proud stance.
Zel, who had actually done all the work, stood behind Filia, covered in flour and completely neglected.
ZX: So...how did you like it?
Zel: Why do I have to get covered in flour and look like a girl??!!
Lina: And why am I not in the story yet?!
ZX: (sweat drop) Geez, guys, one thing at a time! (start fighting with Zel and Lina)
Xellos: Well, since they're busy...r&r? Pwease? For ME?