Do you know what I hate? Computers. Horrible things they are. Sure,
everyone that knows how to use them likes them, and I know how to use them,
but they are such a pain in the ass!
You know what else I hate? Pirates. Especially the cocky ones. Right about now I would just love to do an interview with a good old Captain Hook. But no, the Powers That Be have decided that they hate me. Just last week I was stuck doing an interview with the Tellytubbys. That was sad. Good thing Nunu was there to keep me from killing that baby sunshine. I'm a sucker for vacuum cleaners.
At least non of the Tellytubbys had tried to come on to me, though that Dipsy one is kind of sick.
Currently I am trying to find more questions to ask Sparrow. At the moment there is only two E-mails in my mailbox. Two E-mails, same person, one question. Damn, how am I going to make this last? Guess I just have to make up some of my own, that color one worked surpassingly well.
"So Jack, um, is Will Turner really a eunuch?" Yep that's a good one.
"On a first name bases now? That didn't take long." He drained the rest of the rum out of the bottle I brought.
"Would you rather I call you Captain? I don't mind ether way."
"No, Jack's fine, you can save the Captain stuff 'till later."
Later? No Why in hell bud. Well you know, It might be kind of fun... NO! Nonononono, hell no. Strictly agents the rules. Now usually I am not really one for the rules, but on this job if you value your life and/or sanity you will follow the rules. Else you are likely to get dropped with an interview of a soldier missing an arm in the middle of a World War Two battlefield. Or have to ask Barney about his love life.
Just to keep myself from thinking about Ja- Captain Sparrow I started humming the 'I Love You' song.
There we go, all better.
"Are you going to answer the question?"
He got up from the bed and walked across the room. "No."
"No? All right, I realize that was a bit of a rude question. How about..."
"No. No more questions 'till you get over here and have some Rum." He pulled another bottle out of a chest and sat down on one of the chars beside a small table.
"Um, I'm not legally old enough to drink..." Never stopped me before. But it was another one of the rules.
He waved his arm in exasperation. "Lass, you're on a pirate ship, live a little!"
Lucky for me that rule can be bent. All right, completely broken. But as long as I get enough questions answered then the bosses are happy.
So I sat down opposite from him, laptop still in hand. He passed me a cup and filled it with rum. "Will you answer the question now?"
"Drink up." He said for a reply. That got me a bit suspicious, but if it was drugged it would not work nearly as good on me. Not that I'm special, work's with everyone, it's a crossing to different dimensions thing. If it was supposed to kill me instantly, then it would only give me a killer headache. No not literally.
So I shrugged and decided to take a drink. Now, Rum is not me favorite kind of alcohol, the first sip seems to me like I'm drinking Nail Polish Remover. After that it's not to bad. I happen to like wine better. "So about Will?"
"Will, yes, now I don't have any proof about that, but a lot of the time you can see it in the face, it's like..." He's hands wondered around in the air, in a very non-descriptive way.
"So you're not sure?"
"No, I suggest you ask Elizabeth if you have the chance. She'd know." It looked like he was deciding if they had long enough to get married yet. They seemed like the type to wait.
I nodded, making a mental note to mention that to the bosses. And now that I think about it, this is pretty good rum. I was getting a nice buzz off the stuff. I'll have to try and take a bottle of the stuff home with me. And cents my mind is on that track I guess I'll answer that one question I have in my mailbox.
"Okay, Jack I have a question from some one named Osparrow, they are wondering how you became so obsessed with Rum. A good question really, from what I have read most Pirates like Grog better."
"Well for one, I like their name. Should be more like it." He stared off in to the distance, a big grin on his face. Imagining everyone named after him. "And Rum is my favorite because, One, the taste is really good. And Two, when your stuck on a Island with only Rum keeping you from dying from dehydration, and for company, you have two choices as I see it, you can decide that you like rum, or you can decide that you hate it. Now that I'm off the Island I still feel a little obligated to like it, it did save my life after all."
I nodded, understanding perfectly. It's like me and my computer, the thing drives me mad, and I want to bash the thing agents a rock wall until there is only tiny little bits left. But it is still my only way out of here so I will refrain from doing that until I get home then I can do it and blame it on the dog. Yep, exactly the same.
"And Grog, well, it's good now and then, but it's mostly for if you don't have the money to get something better, like rum."
Good answer, though I'd hoped it would take him a bit longer. Guess it's time to refer to my handy dandy 'Book of Questions'.
"When were you last in a fight? What caused it and who won?" I had picked the question at random but it was fairly fitting.
"Hmm, well that was about two days ago, the caused probably had something to do with the fact that this is a pirate ship and it was a merchant ship. I think it was called the Inkblot. As you can see, cents there is not a new skylight in my cabin, we won." I glanced up at the ceiling out of habit to make sure there was in not a skylight present.
"Okay, and how about verbally? Have you gotten in an argument with anyone lately?"
He thought about it for a second then nodded, "Yes, me and AnnaMaria, same day, she though it best to come up on the Inkblot's Port side when wen I though the Starboard side was better. I won. You see? Perfect example that 'Captain' is more then just a title."
"Are you saying that you don't have any negotiation skills? Just the fact that you are a Captain is good enough?"
"Quite the contrary luv, my negotiation skills are as good and anyone's, if not better. Being a Captain just adds a bit more of an edge to it." Damn those smile, I don't know how, but that gold just seems to amplify it. Time to kick in emergency measures. Hmm-hmm-hmmm hmm-hmm-hmmm hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm- hmm-hmm-hmmm. Eyck. That song is pure evil. At least it works.
He leaned across the table, staring in to my eyes, the smile still on his lips... then pored more rum in to my cup.
"Come on luv, the Rums not going to drink it self." I wish it would, I think the stuff is starting to go to my head.
"Questions! I'm asking Questions!"
"That's way you're here luv." I know that! I did... do! I. Do. Know. That. Yep.
"Why is the sky blue?" Genius, pure genius.
*~*~*~*
So how 'bout it peeps? I'm running out good questions to ask!
Now lets try this again, I say 'Can I get a Hell Yeah?' you say HELL YEAH! Or of you want to go all religious on me I'll take a 'Heck Yeah' too...
You know what else I hate? Pirates. Especially the cocky ones. Right about now I would just love to do an interview with a good old Captain Hook. But no, the Powers That Be have decided that they hate me. Just last week I was stuck doing an interview with the Tellytubbys. That was sad. Good thing Nunu was there to keep me from killing that baby sunshine. I'm a sucker for vacuum cleaners.
At least non of the Tellytubbys had tried to come on to me, though that Dipsy one is kind of sick.
Currently I am trying to find more questions to ask Sparrow. At the moment there is only two E-mails in my mailbox. Two E-mails, same person, one question. Damn, how am I going to make this last? Guess I just have to make up some of my own, that color one worked surpassingly well.
"So Jack, um, is Will Turner really a eunuch?" Yep that's a good one.
"On a first name bases now? That didn't take long." He drained the rest of the rum out of the bottle I brought.
"Would you rather I call you Captain? I don't mind ether way."
"No, Jack's fine, you can save the Captain stuff 'till later."
Later? No Why in hell bud. Well you know, It might be kind of fun... NO! Nonononono, hell no. Strictly agents the rules. Now usually I am not really one for the rules, but on this job if you value your life and/or sanity you will follow the rules. Else you are likely to get dropped with an interview of a soldier missing an arm in the middle of a World War Two battlefield. Or have to ask Barney about his love life.
Just to keep myself from thinking about Ja- Captain Sparrow I started humming the 'I Love You' song.
There we go, all better.
"Are you going to answer the question?"
He got up from the bed and walked across the room. "No."
"No? All right, I realize that was a bit of a rude question. How about..."
"No. No more questions 'till you get over here and have some Rum." He pulled another bottle out of a chest and sat down on one of the chars beside a small table.
"Um, I'm not legally old enough to drink..." Never stopped me before. But it was another one of the rules.
He waved his arm in exasperation. "Lass, you're on a pirate ship, live a little!"
Lucky for me that rule can be bent. All right, completely broken. But as long as I get enough questions answered then the bosses are happy.
So I sat down opposite from him, laptop still in hand. He passed me a cup and filled it with rum. "Will you answer the question now?"
"Drink up." He said for a reply. That got me a bit suspicious, but if it was drugged it would not work nearly as good on me. Not that I'm special, work's with everyone, it's a crossing to different dimensions thing. If it was supposed to kill me instantly, then it would only give me a killer headache. No not literally.
So I shrugged and decided to take a drink. Now, Rum is not me favorite kind of alcohol, the first sip seems to me like I'm drinking Nail Polish Remover. After that it's not to bad. I happen to like wine better. "So about Will?"
"Will, yes, now I don't have any proof about that, but a lot of the time you can see it in the face, it's like..." He's hands wondered around in the air, in a very non-descriptive way.
"So you're not sure?"
"No, I suggest you ask Elizabeth if you have the chance. She'd know." It looked like he was deciding if they had long enough to get married yet. They seemed like the type to wait.
I nodded, making a mental note to mention that to the bosses. And now that I think about it, this is pretty good rum. I was getting a nice buzz off the stuff. I'll have to try and take a bottle of the stuff home with me. And cents my mind is on that track I guess I'll answer that one question I have in my mailbox.
"Okay, Jack I have a question from some one named Osparrow, they are wondering how you became so obsessed with Rum. A good question really, from what I have read most Pirates like Grog better."
"Well for one, I like their name. Should be more like it." He stared off in to the distance, a big grin on his face. Imagining everyone named after him. "And Rum is my favorite because, One, the taste is really good. And Two, when your stuck on a Island with only Rum keeping you from dying from dehydration, and for company, you have two choices as I see it, you can decide that you like rum, or you can decide that you hate it. Now that I'm off the Island I still feel a little obligated to like it, it did save my life after all."
I nodded, understanding perfectly. It's like me and my computer, the thing drives me mad, and I want to bash the thing agents a rock wall until there is only tiny little bits left. But it is still my only way out of here so I will refrain from doing that until I get home then I can do it and blame it on the dog. Yep, exactly the same.
"And Grog, well, it's good now and then, but it's mostly for if you don't have the money to get something better, like rum."
Good answer, though I'd hoped it would take him a bit longer. Guess it's time to refer to my handy dandy 'Book of Questions'.
"When were you last in a fight? What caused it and who won?" I had picked the question at random but it was fairly fitting.
"Hmm, well that was about two days ago, the caused probably had something to do with the fact that this is a pirate ship and it was a merchant ship. I think it was called the Inkblot. As you can see, cents there is not a new skylight in my cabin, we won." I glanced up at the ceiling out of habit to make sure there was in not a skylight present.
"Okay, and how about verbally? Have you gotten in an argument with anyone lately?"
He thought about it for a second then nodded, "Yes, me and AnnaMaria, same day, she though it best to come up on the Inkblot's Port side when wen I though the Starboard side was better. I won. You see? Perfect example that 'Captain' is more then just a title."
"Are you saying that you don't have any negotiation skills? Just the fact that you are a Captain is good enough?"
"Quite the contrary luv, my negotiation skills are as good and anyone's, if not better. Being a Captain just adds a bit more of an edge to it." Damn those smile, I don't know how, but that gold just seems to amplify it. Time to kick in emergency measures. Hmm-hmm-hmmm hmm-hmm-hmmm hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm- hmm-hmm-hmmm. Eyck. That song is pure evil. At least it works.
He leaned across the table, staring in to my eyes, the smile still on his lips... then pored more rum in to my cup.
"Come on luv, the Rums not going to drink it self." I wish it would, I think the stuff is starting to go to my head.
"Questions! I'm asking Questions!"
"That's way you're here luv." I know that! I did... do! I. Do. Know. That. Yep.
"Why is the sky blue?" Genius, pure genius.
*~*~*~*
So how 'bout it peeps? I'm running out good questions to ask!
Now lets try this again, I say 'Can I get a Hell Yeah?' you say HELL YEAH! Or of you want to go all religious on me I'll take a 'Heck Yeah' too...