Stripping for Sirius…I mean James…
Chapter YourMama
******************************************************************
Yes, yes yes! I have done another author note at the top AGAIN! I hate myself for doing this I really do…but ::sighs:: oh well… First off, I wanted to THANK all the WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL FABULOUSLY GENEROUS REVIWERS! And I want to take this time to smack all their names down ( if I missed you then tell me and I'll cry and beat myself up for a week or so…I mean I'll add you later…same thing…), and answer any questions about my extremely plot ridden and GENIUS character development! ::grins:: Okay well, I lied but………..
***Here are the Most Brilliant People Ever!***
freakyfroggurl22, Chaos Dreadnought, Anarane Anwamane, Star, angel-dolphin, Baka Kitty, kerry, xangelicbrat410x , Char (dingochar11@go.com) ,Kookiez, princessblack845 (alexlanier@aol.com) ,Emma ,FeeFee ,Emerald Eyes, faires ….Sorry I only got to people who reviewed like 3 weeks ago ( I won't get to publish this until then so I'm writing this in advance because I know I missed some of ya'll)…TO THOSE I MISSED, I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH! ::hugs happily:: And lot's o smoochies!
And for the whole uproar about making Sirius gay…Um I'm bisexual so It doesn't matter to me that much but I understand some of you have an image of him as a certain sexual preference so…Anyways, he isn't REALLY homosexual, he's just a bit…off….mentally lol. Poor Sirius, I always make him the scape goat! ::sobs:: I love him so much.
Sorry for this being fuckin long!…sorry for saying fuck too much!
**********************************************************************************
"Quidditch practice was fun today!", Sirius moaned sarcastically.
James had worked the team to sweat and tears. And those lovely little rain clouds decided to open up and share their lovely little raindrops on the whole Quidditch team. So not only did they play 4 hours when they all had essays and potions due, they played four hours when they had essays and potions to do in the POURING RAIN.
While the rest of the team either mumbled death threats or broke down into sobs, James grinned like an idiot.
"Why the hell are you so happy?! I ruined my new pink trainer pumps in the damn rain and you're smiling?! Do you know HOW MUCH my Auntie paid for these?! DO YOU?!!", Sirius' eye twitched violently as he attempted to show James the ruined shoes.
"Today's me and Lil's 5th month anniversary…", James said dizzily. (an: how time flies! ::watches a watch fly away::….can you watch a watch? never mind ::sigh: )
"Well yippity fuckin do dah! MY SHOES ARE DEAD JAMES! DEAD! THEY ARE NO MORE!", Sirius grabbed James' collar and shook him a couple of times.
"No use man, his heads up in the clouds.", Sean the team keeper laughed painfully as he limped down the corridor.
***********Back in the Common Room***
Lily was filling out an extremely interesting Muggle Studies paper when she thought of something. Do the teachers that teach Muggle Studies go to a specific school to learn the way of the Muggles? Or do they just have to be Muggle-born to be given the job? Maybe you could grab the qualifications by marrying into a Muggle family? And do they give you a Muggle Studies Teacher test that sees if you actually know the stuff?
While she was pondering this question (a/n: one that personally I would like to know) her very VERY messy boyfriend trudged into the room looking as if Christmas had come early and his present was Snape's expulsion letter and a nice shiny Quidditch House Cup. Lily couldn't help but grin along with him.
"Why are you smiling?", she laughed.
"Tell me why you're smiling first!", James widened his grin if it was possible.
"I am cause you are so cute."
"Well then ask me why I am!", James hopped on one foot and then the other.
"Did Sirius drug you again?"
"What? No! Today's our 5th month anniversary!"
Lily beamed at her boyfriend. She didn't think he would remember especially with the upcoming match against Slytherin.
"And I have a surprise for you…but I'm gonna have to blindfold you first.", James whispered excitedly.
"What's going on?", Remus strolled upon them.
James choose that moment to study his mud-caked sneakers with surprising interest.
In the past weeks since Remus came clean with Lily about his monthly urges (a/n: as a female I sympathize greatly dear Moony.), the two of them had bonded even closer than before. Whereas before they seemed like brother and sister, it was now as if they had a tighter bond than even that title. The consequences were that James had actually started to feel nervous when trying to whisk Lily away for an evening of kissing after hours.
Luckily, before James could mumble anything, Sirius ran past Remus and tackled Lily. They all stared at him while he sobbed like a baby.
"Your-evil-man-ruined-designer-shoes-mud!-hates-pink-let's kill him.", Sirius clutched Lily's shoulder and muttered darkly.
"Tough day of practice?", Remus cocked an eyebrow playfully.
Sirius pointed a dramatic finger towards James.
"He's TRYING to kill us Moony! I think someone kidnapped my Jamsey and replaced it with a-a-a….MEANIE POO!", Sirius spoke seriously but they others cracked smiles.
"Meanie poo?", Lily giggled and shook her head.
"Wait a minute, where were you taking Lils?", Remus wheeled to face James suddenly.
"Well Moony, it's our 5th month anniversary…and", He trailed off as Remus stared unblinkingly at him.
The two of them stood like that for a minute in silence. There was a tentative air around James as he looked to Lily for a rescue.
"Rem, we'll be out just a bit.", Lily grabbed her cloak and dragged James away from the awkward scene.
"DON'T STAY OUT TO LONG!", Remus called shrilly.
"We won't!"
"AND REMEMBER SEX EQUALS MARRIGE EQUA-", Lily slammed the portrait closed.
"Honestly, he's getting way to over protective.", James sighed and leaned against the wall.
"It's because it's almost time for, well, YOU know.", She looked at him.
"What has that got to do with anything?"
"What do animals do to their siblings and such James? They protect them very carefully… with violence usually.", James tried to picture one of his best friend's lunging at his throat and the image disturbed him.
"Oh don't worry, as long as we don't snog ourselves breathless in front of him it should be fine.", She leaned into him comfortingly.
"Okay.", James said unsurely. "Let's go then."
"Where are we going?"
"If I told you then it wouldn't be a surprise!", James smiled happily to himself.
"You didn't say it was a surprise so that doesn't coun-", She was cut off when he grabbed her hand and dashed down the corridor.
"I forgot to get my cloak, so we'll have to run!", James panted as he skidded around a corner.
"JAMEESS SLOW DOWN!!", Lily squealed.
****************MEANWHILE IN THE COMMON ROOM********
"Hey guys!", Peter sat down next to Remus who was glaring at the portrait and saying odd threats under his breath.
"I suppose you thinks it's okay that he takes her out and leaves her unprotected!", Remus snarled at Peter who backed away from him and bumped into Sirius.
"WATCH OUT WORMTAIL!", Sirius shoved Peter away. (a/n:: TAKE THAT YOU ASSHOLE…I mean ::ahemJ )
Sirius had erected a little shrine for his shoes. It had a little gravestone and Sirius had been mourning ( wearing a black dress he borrowed from an apprehensive 6th year) until Peter stepped on the grave and ruined the moment.
"Erm..I'm sorry?", said Peter as he looked at the dress.
"Want to mourn with me?", Sirius wiped a tear away.
"Raincheck me."
****************With the young Hooligans again********
"Okay, here we are!", James grinned as he undid the blindfold he put on a few minutes ago.
"Where exactly are we?", Lily stared at the dark room curiously.
"Honeydukes, actually the cellar in Honeydukes to be precise.", James said gleefully.
"What?!"
"Honeydukes, we are INSIDE Honeydukes.", He looked at her oddly.
"Oh shut up, I know that…I mean…how..what?", Lily trailed off as she inspected a large crate of sugar quills.
"Happy Anniversary!", James handed her a giant slab of chocolate.
She took it but gave him a thoughtful look.
"Dear…"
"Yesph humney?", James shoved several peppermint toads in his mouth at once.
"This stuff doesn't belong to either of us.", Lily took his hand as if talking to a toddler.
The slightly cocoa perfumed air was still for a minute as James swallowed hard. He stood up and grabbed Lily in a fierce hug.
"We pay of course! Always, after we gorge ourselves with this stuff," he waved his hands at the numerous boxes, "We just shove it in the cash register and no one's the wiser!".
"Oh…well then, I suppose this isn't stealing…", Lily still had a slightly doubtful look but it slowly faded to a grin.
*************BACK TO YE OLDE COMMON ROOM******
"Yo ho ho! A pirate's life for MMMMEEEEEeeEEEE!!!", Sirius sang at the top of his lungs (a/n:: can you sing from the bottom?), while standing on top of a table. (a/n: can you stand on the bottom?)
"What the hell are you doing now?", Remus sighed and ran his fingers through his sandy hair tiredly.
"I'm singing my swash buckling songs.", Sirius said as if this was a perfectly ordinary hobby.
"Can you sing it somewhere other than on top of my homework?"
"Arg matey."
"Was that a yes or no Padfoot?"
"Arg."
"Yes?"
"Arg.
"No?"
"Arg."
"You leave me no choice.", Remus sighed as he whipped out a very battered wand.
"Well shiver me timbers! This is mutiny!", Sirius lept off the table and did an odd jig dance involving several breakdance moves and a whole lot of leaping.
"Padfoot, you need help."
"Arg."
*******************************END**********
Holy hell that chapter made no sense….but uhhhhhh too bad! It took me so long to write this because I was stuck, went on vacation, came home and got stuck again, went on another vacation, crashed my computer, decided I needed more vacation, and then generally slacked off overall. But ::shrugs::
It has come to my attention that A. My story is compromised of mostly dialogue, B. It has no real character definition or depth, C. The plot is scattered and very used (so far), and D. I don't give a fuck. ::grin:: Because all I want to do ALL day EVERY day is write nonsensical chapters about Sirius with some smut thrown in haphazardly! YAY!
Oh and I promise to all you perverts ( ::looks at self in mirror: ), that Lily and James ( Jeez I type their names so much) will get into some ::cough:: interesting scenarios soon….AND I LOVE YOU!…Even if you don't love me back it doesn't matter! If you flame me that means you care! And if you care, I care!
::Sirius walks out::
"And I care too!"
Here at Stripping for James we rely on positive values and moral support!
::puts arm around Sirius::
"So join us today and learn about the special discount rates for you sanity!"
::both grin::
Because a happy future…..
"Is one that has no meaning!"
Chapter YourMama
******************************************************************
Yes, yes yes! I have done another author note at the top AGAIN! I hate myself for doing this I really do…but ::sighs:: oh well… First off, I wanted to THANK all the WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL FABULOUSLY GENEROUS REVIWERS! And I want to take this time to smack all their names down ( if I missed you then tell me and I'll cry and beat myself up for a week or so…I mean I'll add you later…same thing…), and answer any questions about my extremely plot ridden and GENIUS character development! ::grins:: Okay well, I lied but………..
***Here are the Most Brilliant People Ever!***
freakyfroggurl22, Chaos Dreadnought, Anarane Anwamane, Star, angel-dolphin, Baka Kitty, kerry, xangelicbrat410x , Char (dingochar11@go.com) ,Kookiez, princessblack845 (alexlanier@aol.com) ,Emma ,FeeFee ,Emerald Eyes, faires ….Sorry I only got to people who reviewed like 3 weeks ago ( I won't get to publish this until then so I'm writing this in advance because I know I missed some of ya'll)…TO THOSE I MISSED, I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH! ::hugs happily:: And lot's o smoochies!
And for the whole uproar about making Sirius gay…Um I'm bisexual so It doesn't matter to me that much but I understand some of you have an image of him as a certain sexual preference so…Anyways, he isn't REALLY homosexual, he's just a bit…off….mentally lol. Poor Sirius, I always make him the scape goat! ::sobs:: I love him so much.
Sorry for this being fuckin long!…sorry for saying fuck too much!
**********************************************************************************
"Quidditch practice was fun today!", Sirius moaned sarcastically.
James had worked the team to sweat and tears. And those lovely little rain clouds decided to open up and share their lovely little raindrops on the whole Quidditch team. So not only did they play 4 hours when they all had essays and potions due, they played four hours when they had essays and potions to do in the POURING RAIN.
While the rest of the team either mumbled death threats or broke down into sobs, James grinned like an idiot.
"Why the hell are you so happy?! I ruined my new pink trainer pumps in the damn rain and you're smiling?! Do you know HOW MUCH my Auntie paid for these?! DO YOU?!!", Sirius' eye twitched violently as he attempted to show James the ruined shoes.
"Today's me and Lil's 5th month anniversary…", James said dizzily. (an: how time flies! ::watches a watch fly away::….can you watch a watch? never mind ::sigh: )
"Well yippity fuckin do dah! MY SHOES ARE DEAD JAMES! DEAD! THEY ARE NO MORE!", Sirius grabbed James' collar and shook him a couple of times.
"No use man, his heads up in the clouds.", Sean the team keeper laughed painfully as he limped down the corridor.
***********Back in the Common Room***
Lily was filling out an extremely interesting Muggle Studies paper when she thought of something. Do the teachers that teach Muggle Studies go to a specific school to learn the way of the Muggles? Or do they just have to be Muggle-born to be given the job? Maybe you could grab the qualifications by marrying into a Muggle family? And do they give you a Muggle Studies Teacher test that sees if you actually know the stuff?
While she was pondering this question (a/n: one that personally I would like to know) her very VERY messy boyfriend trudged into the room looking as if Christmas had come early and his present was Snape's expulsion letter and a nice shiny Quidditch House Cup. Lily couldn't help but grin along with him.
"Why are you smiling?", she laughed.
"Tell me why you're smiling first!", James widened his grin if it was possible.
"I am cause you are so cute."
"Well then ask me why I am!", James hopped on one foot and then the other.
"Did Sirius drug you again?"
"What? No! Today's our 5th month anniversary!"
Lily beamed at her boyfriend. She didn't think he would remember especially with the upcoming match against Slytherin.
"And I have a surprise for you…but I'm gonna have to blindfold you first.", James whispered excitedly.
"What's going on?", Remus strolled upon them.
James choose that moment to study his mud-caked sneakers with surprising interest.
In the past weeks since Remus came clean with Lily about his monthly urges (a/n: as a female I sympathize greatly dear Moony.), the two of them had bonded even closer than before. Whereas before they seemed like brother and sister, it was now as if they had a tighter bond than even that title. The consequences were that James had actually started to feel nervous when trying to whisk Lily away for an evening of kissing after hours.
Luckily, before James could mumble anything, Sirius ran past Remus and tackled Lily. They all stared at him while he sobbed like a baby.
"Your-evil-man-ruined-designer-shoes-mud!-hates-pink-let's kill him.", Sirius clutched Lily's shoulder and muttered darkly.
"Tough day of practice?", Remus cocked an eyebrow playfully.
Sirius pointed a dramatic finger towards James.
"He's TRYING to kill us Moony! I think someone kidnapped my Jamsey and replaced it with a-a-a….MEANIE POO!", Sirius spoke seriously but they others cracked smiles.
"Meanie poo?", Lily giggled and shook her head.
"Wait a minute, where were you taking Lils?", Remus wheeled to face James suddenly.
"Well Moony, it's our 5th month anniversary…and", He trailed off as Remus stared unblinkingly at him.
The two of them stood like that for a minute in silence. There was a tentative air around James as he looked to Lily for a rescue.
"Rem, we'll be out just a bit.", Lily grabbed her cloak and dragged James away from the awkward scene.
"DON'T STAY OUT TO LONG!", Remus called shrilly.
"We won't!"
"AND REMEMBER SEX EQUALS MARRIGE EQUA-", Lily slammed the portrait closed.
"Honestly, he's getting way to over protective.", James sighed and leaned against the wall.
"It's because it's almost time for, well, YOU know.", She looked at him.
"What has that got to do with anything?"
"What do animals do to their siblings and such James? They protect them very carefully… with violence usually.", James tried to picture one of his best friend's lunging at his throat and the image disturbed him.
"Oh don't worry, as long as we don't snog ourselves breathless in front of him it should be fine.", She leaned into him comfortingly.
"Okay.", James said unsurely. "Let's go then."
"Where are we going?"
"If I told you then it wouldn't be a surprise!", James smiled happily to himself.
"You didn't say it was a surprise so that doesn't coun-", She was cut off when he grabbed her hand and dashed down the corridor.
"I forgot to get my cloak, so we'll have to run!", James panted as he skidded around a corner.
"JAMEESS SLOW DOWN!!", Lily squealed.
****************MEANWHILE IN THE COMMON ROOM********
"Hey guys!", Peter sat down next to Remus who was glaring at the portrait and saying odd threats under his breath.
"I suppose you thinks it's okay that he takes her out and leaves her unprotected!", Remus snarled at Peter who backed away from him and bumped into Sirius.
"WATCH OUT WORMTAIL!", Sirius shoved Peter away. (a/n:: TAKE THAT YOU ASSHOLE…I mean ::ahemJ )
Sirius had erected a little shrine for his shoes. It had a little gravestone and Sirius had been mourning ( wearing a black dress he borrowed from an apprehensive 6th year) until Peter stepped on the grave and ruined the moment.
"Erm..I'm sorry?", said Peter as he looked at the dress.
"Want to mourn with me?", Sirius wiped a tear away.
"Raincheck me."
****************With the young Hooligans again********
"Okay, here we are!", James grinned as he undid the blindfold he put on a few minutes ago.
"Where exactly are we?", Lily stared at the dark room curiously.
"Honeydukes, actually the cellar in Honeydukes to be precise.", James said gleefully.
"What?!"
"Honeydukes, we are INSIDE Honeydukes.", He looked at her oddly.
"Oh shut up, I know that…I mean…how..what?", Lily trailed off as she inspected a large crate of sugar quills.
"Happy Anniversary!", James handed her a giant slab of chocolate.
She took it but gave him a thoughtful look.
"Dear…"
"Yesph humney?", James shoved several peppermint toads in his mouth at once.
"This stuff doesn't belong to either of us.", Lily took his hand as if talking to a toddler.
The slightly cocoa perfumed air was still for a minute as James swallowed hard. He stood up and grabbed Lily in a fierce hug.
"We pay of course! Always, after we gorge ourselves with this stuff," he waved his hands at the numerous boxes, "We just shove it in the cash register and no one's the wiser!".
"Oh…well then, I suppose this isn't stealing…", Lily still had a slightly doubtful look but it slowly faded to a grin.
*************BACK TO YE OLDE COMMON ROOM******
"Yo ho ho! A pirate's life for MMMMEEEEEeeEEEE!!!", Sirius sang at the top of his lungs (a/n:: can you sing from the bottom?), while standing on top of a table. (a/n: can you stand on the bottom?)
"What the hell are you doing now?", Remus sighed and ran his fingers through his sandy hair tiredly.
"I'm singing my swash buckling songs.", Sirius said as if this was a perfectly ordinary hobby.
"Can you sing it somewhere other than on top of my homework?"
"Arg matey."
"Was that a yes or no Padfoot?"
"Arg."
"Yes?"
"Arg.
"No?"
"Arg."
"You leave me no choice.", Remus sighed as he whipped out a very battered wand.
"Well shiver me timbers! This is mutiny!", Sirius lept off the table and did an odd jig dance involving several breakdance moves and a whole lot of leaping.
"Padfoot, you need help."
"Arg."
*******************************END**********
Holy hell that chapter made no sense….but uhhhhhh too bad! It took me so long to write this because I was stuck, went on vacation, came home and got stuck again, went on another vacation, crashed my computer, decided I needed more vacation, and then generally slacked off overall. But ::shrugs::
It has come to my attention that A. My story is compromised of mostly dialogue, B. It has no real character definition or depth, C. The plot is scattered and very used (so far), and D. I don't give a fuck. ::grin:: Because all I want to do ALL day EVERY day is write nonsensical chapters about Sirius with some smut thrown in haphazardly! YAY!
Oh and I promise to all you perverts ( ::looks at self in mirror: ), that Lily and James ( Jeez I type their names so much) will get into some ::cough:: interesting scenarios soon….AND I LOVE YOU!…Even if you don't love me back it doesn't matter! If you flame me that means you care! And if you care, I care!
::Sirius walks out::
"And I care too!"
Here at Stripping for James we rely on positive values and moral support!
::puts arm around Sirius::
"So join us today and learn about the special discount rates for you sanity!"
::both grin::
Because a happy future…..
"Is one that has no meaning!"