The Return Of The Keytar-Playing Author
AUTHOR NOTES:
::walks in and looks around nervously::
Well, here I am again…about A YEAR since I last updated….Do I have any fans anymore ::looks into audience:: OHHHH I hope so!!!!! ::insert deranged laugh here::
If I get any new readers, they'll have to read ALLLLLLL the other chapters before getting here. And in some strange way that gives me great satisfaction!
So….DUE TO THE FUCKED EVENTS OF THE FIFTH BOOK….I mean, due to slight changes in what I envisioned the OOTP to be…My baby Sirius is with us no more. I cried my damn eyes out. THERE WAS NO REASON FOR IT, NONE!!!! I mean, J.K.Rowling must have hidden plans for Siri…..
Let's observe a moment of silence for my lover and (hopefully) yours. ::silence::
::snicker interrupts silence::
Oh not you!
::Sirius pops up from behind::
"What's all this about?"
Nothing! Nothing at all! ::tries to cover up shirt with RIP Padfoot on it::
Anyways everyone (which is probably two people), enjoy this extremely nonsensical chappy!
~Chapter Five Billion plus A Breakdancing Boy-o~
James was sitting in another boring Headboy/Headgirl meeting with all the prefects. Lily's speech on the color coordination of the upcoming dance was so boring that he actually started to drift off to sleep…..
"MMmmmMmmm….."
"James? James wake up!", he heard a voice call but he was so comfy.
"JAMES!!", someone was shaking him.
"NO GRANDMA, REMUS CAN'T EAT KITTY SOUP!", James snorted and opened his eyes.
Everyone was staring at him with an odd array of expressions. The girls in the back had broken into giggles, the Slytherin boys were eyeing him with suspicion, and everyone else was just plain amused. Everyone except for Lily that is.
"Meeting adjourned.", Lily said promptly not taking her eyes off James.
The prefects filed out in pairs and groups until only they were left. One Hufflepuff girl could still be heard grumbling about how "lemon and lilac can't be the official ball colors".
James stood up and fixed his crooked glasses. Lily stared. He brushed back his hair and stretched a little. Lily didn't budge.
"What is it Lil?", James asked in a slightly less confident voice than he'd liked.
She folded her arms across her chest slowly and forced eye contact.
"What is it with you James? This is the third time you've fallen asleep in a meeting.", Her voice had a chill to it that James dreaded.
"Well color combo's don't make me wet my seat with joy.", He attempted a coy smile but he could see that she wasn't going to take the bait that easily.
"Don't try that on me, I'm serious. These past weeks you've been somewhere else, I mean that physically and otherwise. I needed help ordering the decorations and you were nowhere to be found so Remus had to step in, Dumbledore calls us for a meeting and you come 20 minutes late, Peter got attacked by some Slytherin boys and you weren't there so me and Remus had to carry him to the infirmary with leeks growing out of his ears- The list goes on, shall I continue?"
James swallowed with a sickly feeling erupting in his stomach. He knew there was no easy way out of it this time.
"So, where have you been?", Lily surveyed him with more of a tired look than the icy one James imagined.
"Thinking.", he shifted uneasily.
"About…?"
"Stuff.", he said lamely.
"Well, good thing we cleared that up. Thinking about stuff, what an out-of-the-box idea huh? When you feel like talking, because that's what you do in relationships James, you talk to each other-" Lily pointed to the both of them. " I'll be in the Common Room with Remus deciding on what colors to have for the ball!".
She picked up her bag and walked briskly out of the room.
"Damn it…..", James slowly leaned down and picked up his books one by one.
**************************************************
"Watch me Rem!", Sirius begged.
Remus gave a long sigh and looked up for the thousandth time. Sirius was trying out new moved for a group he invented called "Slammin' With The Siri-Nizzle, Fo Shizzle!". Apparently it was a break dance group that danced to 50's rock songs. The only students to join were two frightened first years that Sirius pounced on and tied to a chair so they could "critique" his performance.
"Okay, what do you want to show me now?", Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose impatiently.
"Just a little thing called…", Sirius paused for effect and threw his hands up in the air and twirled around. "…SIRIUS-LY KICKASS!"
"Oh dear god, you've gotten weirder.", Lily shook her head sadly and sat down next to Rem.
"Check it out Lil! Me and my dance group", he pointed towards the scared-beyond-their-wits boys who were now flailing frantically to get out of the bonds, "Are going to blow everyones faces off at the ball when we preform!"
Lily stared at him with no change of expression.
"Because…you love me so much and you're Head so you get to pick the dance group…", Sirius' turned on his puppy dog eyes.
"Sirius, just to be real clear we already hired a singing group.", Lily tried to look sorry that she missed the opportunity to book Sirius' group.
"But-but-but….my hopes and dreams were pinned on that one s-s-special niggggghhhhtttt!", Sirius broke into tears and ran up to his room.
"It was a tough decision but someone had to make it.", Remus put his hand on Lily's shoulder jokingly.
"Oh I know, Rem.", Lily leaned her head on Remus' arms and closed her eyes.
James walked through the portrait hole and stared at the two of them. Lily didn't move and Remus glanced uneasily between them. He had a vibe that something wasn't right with them for awhile , but now he knew for certain things were amiss.
"Going to bed." James muttered and walked up the stairs to the boys dorms.
"Be there soon.", Remus called after him.
************************************************
The Gryffindor's table was fairly gloomy the next morning at breakfast. Everyone picked up Lily and James' mood and silently ate their food, save for the occasional person to try and lighten thing with a joke.
On about his fourth spooning of porridge Peter sat down next to James. It had been so long since James had talked or looked at Peter that he only just realized Peter had a small green pin on his school uniform.
"What's that for?", James asked half-heartedly while monotonously shoveling in more porridge.
"I-erm-…well the upcoming match against Slytherin vs. Hufflepuff is coming…and well Lucious was handing these out-", Peter was cut off when the whole of the Great Hall gasped at the entry way.
Sirius had finally come to breakfast. Only instead of his uniform, he was wearing a tight pink shirt with the words "DISCO FEVER, FO SHIZZLE!" on the front. Instead of his black pants he had spandex pearl-colored short-shorts and 60's mod boots on.
The Great Hall was silent. Sirius snapped his fingers and two little first years ran in the Hall with a *magical* boom box. They pushed play…..
"I'm to SEXY for my Shirt! So SEXY it hurts!" , blared throughout the Hall as Sirius began a series of flips and breakdancing dancing steps that included several Micheal Jackson "WOOOOS!" from him.
As the tape ended Sirius turned his back to the audience so they saw his shirt say "I'M SINGLE- LET'S MINGLE!" on the back.
"WELL?! Did it melt your faces off?!!", Sirius yelled to the Great Hall that was filled with an air of disbelief.
Slowly one Ravenclaw boy stood up. He started the slow clap.
Clap. Clap. Clap.
Then Dumbledore started in.
Clap!Clap!Clap!
Before anyone knew what was happened EVERYONE was clapping their hearts out to the joy of Sirius.
Dumbledore leaned over as if to bow to Sirius- but instead picked up his wand!
"TRANQUILFENDO!", Dumbledore shouted and a dart shot out of his wand and headed straight into Sirius' neck.
Sirius slumped to the floor.
*******************************************************************
Author Notes: AHAHAHAHAAHA! Betcha weren't expecting THAT! AHHQAHA)AHAHAHA! So obviously I'm trying to get a feel for the characters again- basically this means that this chapter is crap. But I LOOOOOVVVEEE YOU! So have a heart and review!
AUTHOR NOTES:
::walks in and looks around nervously::
Well, here I am again…about A YEAR since I last updated….Do I have any fans anymore ::looks into audience:: OHHHH I hope so!!!!! ::insert deranged laugh here::
If I get any new readers, they'll have to read ALLLLLLL the other chapters before getting here. And in some strange way that gives me great satisfaction!
So….DUE TO THE FUCKED EVENTS OF THE FIFTH BOOK….I mean, due to slight changes in what I envisioned the OOTP to be…My baby Sirius is with us no more. I cried my damn eyes out. THERE WAS NO REASON FOR IT, NONE!!!! I mean, J.K.Rowling must have hidden plans for Siri…..
Let's observe a moment of silence for my lover and (hopefully) yours. ::silence::
::snicker interrupts silence::
Oh not you!
::Sirius pops up from behind::
"What's all this about?"
Nothing! Nothing at all! ::tries to cover up shirt with RIP Padfoot on it::
Anyways everyone (which is probably two people), enjoy this extremely nonsensical chappy!
~Chapter Five Billion plus A Breakdancing Boy-o~
James was sitting in another boring Headboy/Headgirl meeting with all the prefects. Lily's speech on the color coordination of the upcoming dance was so boring that he actually started to drift off to sleep…..
"MMmmmMmmm….."
"James? James wake up!", he heard a voice call but he was so comfy.
"JAMES!!", someone was shaking him.
"NO GRANDMA, REMUS CAN'T EAT KITTY SOUP!", James snorted and opened his eyes.
Everyone was staring at him with an odd array of expressions. The girls in the back had broken into giggles, the Slytherin boys were eyeing him with suspicion, and everyone else was just plain amused. Everyone except for Lily that is.
"Meeting adjourned.", Lily said promptly not taking her eyes off James.
The prefects filed out in pairs and groups until only they were left. One Hufflepuff girl could still be heard grumbling about how "lemon and lilac can't be the official ball colors".
James stood up and fixed his crooked glasses. Lily stared. He brushed back his hair and stretched a little. Lily didn't budge.
"What is it Lil?", James asked in a slightly less confident voice than he'd liked.
She folded her arms across her chest slowly and forced eye contact.
"What is it with you James? This is the third time you've fallen asleep in a meeting.", Her voice had a chill to it that James dreaded.
"Well color combo's don't make me wet my seat with joy.", He attempted a coy smile but he could see that she wasn't going to take the bait that easily.
"Don't try that on me, I'm serious. These past weeks you've been somewhere else, I mean that physically and otherwise. I needed help ordering the decorations and you were nowhere to be found so Remus had to step in, Dumbledore calls us for a meeting and you come 20 minutes late, Peter got attacked by some Slytherin boys and you weren't there so me and Remus had to carry him to the infirmary with leeks growing out of his ears- The list goes on, shall I continue?"
James swallowed with a sickly feeling erupting in his stomach. He knew there was no easy way out of it this time.
"So, where have you been?", Lily surveyed him with more of a tired look than the icy one James imagined.
"Thinking.", he shifted uneasily.
"About…?"
"Stuff.", he said lamely.
"Well, good thing we cleared that up. Thinking about stuff, what an out-of-the-box idea huh? When you feel like talking, because that's what you do in relationships James, you talk to each other-" Lily pointed to the both of them. " I'll be in the Common Room with Remus deciding on what colors to have for the ball!".
She picked up her bag and walked briskly out of the room.
"Damn it…..", James slowly leaned down and picked up his books one by one.
**************************************************
"Watch me Rem!", Sirius begged.
Remus gave a long sigh and looked up for the thousandth time. Sirius was trying out new moved for a group he invented called "Slammin' With The Siri-Nizzle, Fo Shizzle!". Apparently it was a break dance group that danced to 50's rock songs. The only students to join were two frightened first years that Sirius pounced on and tied to a chair so they could "critique" his performance.
"Okay, what do you want to show me now?", Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose impatiently.
"Just a little thing called…", Sirius paused for effect and threw his hands up in the air and twirled around. "…SIRIUS-LY KICKASS!"
"Oh dear god, you've gotten weirder.", Lily shook her head sadly and sat down next to Rem.
"Check it out Lil! Me and my dance group", he pointed towards the scared-beyond-their-wits boys who were now flailing frantically to get out of the bonds, "Are going to blow everyones faces off at the ball when we preform!"
Lily stared at him with no change of expression.
"Because…you love me so much and you're Head so you get to pick the dance group…", Sirius' turned on his puppy dog eyes.
"Sirius, just to be real clear we already hired a singing group.", Lily tried to look sorry that she missed the opportunity to book Sirius' group.
"But-but-but….my hopes and dreams were pinned on that one s-s-special niggggghhhhtttt!", Sirius broke into tears and ran up to his room.
"It was a tough decision but someone had to make it.", Remus put his hand on Lily's shoulder jokingly.
"Oh I know, Rem.", Lily leaned her head on Remus' arms and closed her eyes.
James walked through the portrait hole and stared at the two of them. Lily didn't move and Remus glanced uneasily between them. He had a vibe that something wasn't right with them for awhile , but now he knew for certain things were amiss.
"Going to bed." James muttered and walked up the stairs to the boys dorms.
"Be there soon.", Remus called after him.
************************************************
The Gryffindor's table was fairly gloomy the next morning at breakfast. Everyone picked up Lily and James' mood and silently ate their food, save for the occasional person to try and lighten thing with a joke.
On about his fourth spooning of porridge Peter sat down next to James. It had been so long since James had talked or looked at Peter that he only just realized Peter had a small green pin on his school uniform.
"What's that for?", James asked half-heartedly while monotonously shoveling in more porridge.
"I-erm-…well the upcoming match against Slytherin vs. Hufflepuff is coming…and well Lucious was handing these out-", Peter was cut off when the whole of the Great Hall gasped at the entry way.
Sirius had finally come to breakfast. Only instead of his uniform, he was wearing a tight pink shirt with the words "DISCO FEVER, FO SHIZZLE!" on the front. Instead of his black pants he had spandex pearl-colored short-shorts and 60's mod boots on.
The Great Hall was silent. Sirius snapped his fingers and two little first years ran in the Hall with a *magical* boom box. They pushed play…..
"I'm to SEXY for my Shirt! So SEXY it hurts!" , blared throughout the Hall as Sirius began a series of flips and breakdancing dancing steps that included several Micheal Jackson "WOOOOS!" from him.
As the tape ended Sirius turned his back to the audience so they saw his shirt say "I'M SINGLE- LET'S MINGLE!" on the back.
"WELL?! Did it melt your faces off?!!", Sirius yelled to the Great Hall that was filled with an air of disbelief.
Slowly one Ravenclaw boy stood up. He started the slow clap.
Clap. Clap. Clap.
Then Dumbledore started in.
Clap!Clap!Clap!
Before anyone knew what was happened EVERYONE was clapping their hearts out to the joy of Sirius.
Dumbledore leaned over as if to bow to Sirius- but instead picked up his wand!
"TRANQUILFENDO!", Dumbledore shouted and a dart shot out of his wand and headed straight into Sirius' neck.
Sirius slumped to the floor.
*******************************************************************
Author Notes: AHAHAHAHAAHA! Betcha weren't expecting THAT! AHHQAHA)AHAHAHA! So obviously I'm trying to get a feel for the characters again- basically this means that this chapter is crap. But I LOOOOOVVVEEE YOU! So have a heart and review!