Author's Note: I apologize to anyone who is having difficulty reading this. Fanfiction.net has been behaving very strangely lately, and it is driving me OUT OF MY MIND so please be patient.
Disclaimer: I own Bambi (goddammit...) and Racetrack's teachers and family. That's it. Please don't sue. :D
*****
Chapter Four --- Throw Away Your Television*****
Have you seen "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade"? Good movie ... You know that part when Indy's trying to teach his students and all the girls are all oozy and sighing, and then he glances at one of them and she closes her eyes and "Love You" is written on her eyelids?
Well that's pretty much what happens to Mr. Hudson at our school.
I promise: ALL the girls at Brentwood High are hopelessly in love with him, and it's not hard to figure out why. He is a very good-looking guy --- sandy blonde hair, oh-so-romantic chocolate brown eyes, wide white smile --- and (luckily) he doesn't wear those weird Harry Potter glasses Indy wore when he was teaching.
And he teaches Social Studies, of course. Blah. One would assume that it would be the perfect class for everyone to sit and drool as he rambles on and on about some old dead dude nobody cares about anymore, but he's always been a more interesting teacher. He likes to make us do the work instead, so he has discussions and stuff. At first all the girls in my class were bummed out because it's hard to drool when he's not the only person talking, but then they realized this was the perfect opportunity to actually FLIRT.
Blah. It's disgusting.
On the other hand ... Bambi is in this class. :D She finally has somebody ELSE to focus her energy on. Boy, do I love Social Studies.
Monday morning, Mr. Hudson got up in front of the class and leaned casually against his desk. (Insert oozy sighs from girls HERE.) "Alright, you guys are gonna hate me," he began (insert unconvinced "pffft"s from girls HERE), "but I was skiing with my friends over the weekend" (insert more oozy sighs from girls HERE) "and I didn't get around to correcting your quizzes." (Insert chorus of "That's ok, Mr. Hudson!"s from girls HERE.) "So I'm going to give you this reading on Daoism and I'm gonna ask you to read it and answer the questions on the board. Sound good?" (Insert chorus of "Yes, Mr. Hudson!"s from girls HERE.)
Yeah, that's my Social Studies class for you.
Boy, do I hate Social Studies.
Mr. Hudson sat down on his desk, humming "This Love" by Maroon 5. The girls sat and gaped at his amazingly sexy half-smile and the way he ran his fingers through his hair as he worked --- Gosh, Betsy, I never knew someone could look so HOT while correcting a test! Hee hee... --- before finally realizing that they had WORK to do. Oh yeah! Silly me, I almost forgot! So Betsy, what is Daoism again?
I glanced over at my best friends Blink Parker and Mush Meyers. They pantomimed hanging themselves, and I don't blame them; they are seated directly in the middle of a swooning group of giggling girls, isolated from all other forms of male human life in the classroom. *Shudder...*
I finished reading the Daoism sheet and answered the questions. I got the main idea; some dead old Chinese man wanted people to ditch society and live in nature and ponder the meaning of life. Mm-hmm. GASP! That would mean I would have to give up IM! I WOULD HAVE TO GIVE UP SPOT! NOOOOOOOOOO!
But then again, I could probably jump into a bush every time Bambi walked by. Good way to avoid her ... But she would have no make-up! That would mean I would see her in her true form! AAAAAAAH! SEE NO EVIL SEE NO EVIL SEE NO EVIL SEE NO---
"Mr. Hudson, that was a fascinating worksheet!" squealed Amber Johnson. The rest of the girls in the class glared at her. Duuuude, if looks could kill...
"Well I'm glad you think so, Miss Johnson," said Mr. Hudson without looking up.
"I think I might just convert to Daoism when I get home!" Erin White added happily. Her boyfriend, Brett Maynard, threw a pencil at her.
"Yeah!" Bambi giggled. "That whole part about Daoism was absolutely captivating!"
There you have it, ladies and gentlemen, another brilliant saying from Bambi Contrada. Mr. Hudson looked up at her. So did the rest of the class. "I'm ... glad you enjoyed it," he said slowly, one eyebrow raised in an oh-so-sexy manner.
Ew. Just kidding. Didn't just say that, didn't just say that...
Bambi, unaware of what an idiot she was, smiled at him and twirled a lock of her glossy blonde hair around one finger. Mr. Hudson shook his head and looked back at the test, kind of bemused.
Blink grabbed Mush's sweatshirt that was sitting on the back of his chair and attempted to strangle himself with it.
*
"THROW AWAY YOUR TELEVISION!" Blink chanted. "TIME TO MAKE THIS CLEAN DECISION! MASTER WAITS FOR ITS COLLISION NOW!"
Mush, Skittery, Itey and I all hit the table to the beat. It was lunchtime, time for our daily Red Hot Chili Peppers ritual. Ever since Skittery gave Blink "By the Way" for his birthday, he has been singing the Red Hot Chili Peppers 24/7. We decided to make him happy and actually accompany him this time. We have the beat down, dude; each guy has a separate part and we're pretty good.
"IT'S A REPEAT OF A STORY TOLD! IT'S A REPEAT AND IT'S GETTING OLD!"
"DAMN RIGHT IT'S GETTING OLD!" yelled Erin White. God I hate that girl. Little bitch.
I don't think Blink even noticed her. "THROW AWAY YOUR TELEVISION! MAKE A BREAK BIG INTERMISSION! RECREATE YOUR SUPERVISION NOW! IT'S A REPEAT OF A STORY TOLD! IT'S A REPEAT AND IT'S GETTING OLD!"
"YEE-HAW!" yelled Mush.
"Yee-haw...?" Skittery stopped drumming.
"THROW AWAY YOUR TELEVISION! SALIVATE TO REPETITION! LEVIATE THIS ILL CONDITION---"
"Blink?"
"Yeah?"
"It's over."
"Oh."
Itey leaned back in his chair and covered his face with his hands. "Aw man I'm glad to have real food again," he said through his fingers. "My mom can NOT cook, believe me."
"So wait --- which guy over there is the new teacher for English?" I asked Skittery.
"Oh --- that guy next to Hudson."
"Where's Hudson?"
"I found a BEETLE in my mashed potatoes last night! Can you believe that? A BEETLE!" bellowed Itey.
"Itey, PLEASE," said Mush, cringing.
"I think she's trying to POISON me!" Itey continued. "She told me she made chicken soup, but I don't' think chickens are supposed to be tinged green---"
"He's over by Jennings --- see him? He's talking to the new teacher, see?" Skittery said to me.
"Did anybody manage to get any ketchup? I forgot," asked Blink loudly.
"---with little BLACK PATCHES all over it!" said Itey. "I think it was still alive! It WAVED at me!"
"Aw Itey!" Mush groaned.
"And the FISH was absolutely REVOLTING---"
I did my best to shout over the noise, "THE REALLY TALL GUY WITH THE BIG NOSE? IS THAT THE NEW TEACHER??"
"KETCHUP??" bellowed Blink unhappily.
"ITEY, STOP! YOU DON'T HAVE TO IMITATE YOUR DINNER!!!" Mush cried.
Skittery, Blink and I all looked over to see Itey making the most bizarre face I had ever seen. "That's disgusting, Itey," said Skittery.
"I know," said Itey unconcernedly. "Just making a point..."
Before we knew it, lunch was over and we were all being ushered back out of the cafeteria to continue our day. Except now my ears were ringing with the Red Hot Chili Peppers and I knew exactly what the new English teacher looked like. It's funny how a small thing like lunch can so dramatically affect your life.
*
EmusRockMySocks: the world I love the tears I drop to be part of the wave can't stop, ever wonder if it's all for you?
RedSuspendahs99: ahh, good song...
EmusRockMySocks: listen to the Red Hot Chili Peppers?
RedSuspendahs99: are you kidding me? my mom would NEVER let me listen to that shit
RedSuspendahs99: my best friend, on the other hand, listens to them all the time
RedSuspendahs99: so I get my daily dose, don't worry
EmusRockMySocks: lol
EmusRockMySocks: good
RedSuspendahs99: soooooooo
EmusRockMySocks: what's up?
RedSuspendahs99: absolutely nothing. bored out of my mind. as usual.
EmusRockMySocks: no amusing anecdotes for me?
RedSuspendahs99: none whatsoever
EmusRockMySocks: ah
EmusRockMySocks: well then I shall continue to sing the Red Hot Chili Peppers
RedSuspendahs99: wait
EmusRockMySocks: very well then
RedSuspendahs99: this is probably gonna sound really out of the blue
RedSuspendahs99: but
EmusRockMySocks: buuuuuuut...
RedSuspendahs99: well I was just wondering if you wanna actually MEET sometime
Oh god.
*****
Shoutouts!!!
GLimmer Conlon O'Leary: Aww THANK YOU!! Defiantly ... lol. Thank you so much for reviewing, I love you!!! (Oooh and by the way, I wear knee socks too. lol)
nani at 12 o'clock: I love Aladdin too, my friends and I unashamedly say to people that he is HOT! I think we're the only people in the world who think that ... but that song ROCKS! lol, thanks for reviewing!!!
Trolley: Damn right you helped someone. Look how organized my story is now!! (Err ... don't comment on that part.) Oooooh I like horny and corn dogs too! Too bad you don't like slash, but I am SO INCREDIBLY FLATTERED that you're reading my story anyway. Happy sigh. (My new goal in life: to make you like slash. lol) Thank you for reviewing!!!
kattabean: Spot sounds like you? That amuses me for some reason. Spot is such a girl in my fanfics, it's not even funny. lol, thank you so much for reviewing!
Shot Hunter: Yay, I love blondes! lol ... thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you like my plotline. It's a pain in the ass to write, though, and make sure nobody slips and says someone's name or something ... lol. :-)
SpotLover421: Yes, Spot/Race is extremely yummy. I don't think I write it very yumm ... illy? Because I don't make them flirt that much, but ... yesh. That yummilly totally threw off my train of thought. It's not a real word, is it? Well then I'll make it a word, dammit!!! Anyway. My cousin blew up a cookie in the microwave when he was over at our house, and the whole house smelled like shit for a day or two. Not cool. (Of course, I thought it was really funny at the time. I mean dude, what could be better than a cookie exploding and yucky smells? YEAH! ... I was like eight, I was such a boy. lol) Anyway, thanks for the review!!!
Missa32189: I actually live in Massachusetts, but my friend lives in California and goes to Brentwood Middle School. So I got the name from there. I think I used as a last name in a story, too ... I have a Brentwood issue, lol. Anyway, thanks for reviewing!! (And I love Ferris Bueller, too ... awesome movie.)
Scout73: HOORAY! Nirvana RULES! lol, I am so glad you listened to them, that makes me very happy. (And while you're at it, listen to the Red Hot Chili Peppers because they are WONDERFUL...*sigh*) Anyway, I am glad your muses came back to you! My muses have been exceptionally nice to me lately, especially Race (which is a RARE occurrence). Thank you for reviewing!! :-)
Repeats: You know, I'll give you a punching bag in the shape of Bambi's head just because I love you, Rae. (The movie was Wayne's World, just to let you know.) In your review you asked when they will find out who the other one is, so here is my answer: SOON. Hopefully. Unless Racetrack chickens out. Hmm.
studentnumber24601: I just started singing the number in your name to the tune of Bingo. You know, instead of B-I-N-G-O, I was like 2-4-6-0-1! It was fun. I'm sorry. Anyway. *applauds* Hooray Wayne's World!!! Your punching bag should arrive in the mail shortly. Thank you for reviewing!
hippie-girl13492: Oooh, I can sing the numbers in your name too!! (Sorry, you probably have no idea what I am talking about; read the shoutout before yours.) Anyway, thank you for the review! Made me very happy, I'm glad you like it!
Sapphy: Aaaaaand, last but not least, SAPPHY! *crowd bursts into wild applause* I love Aladdin too, awesome movie. AND WAYNE'S WORLD! PUNCHING BAG FOR YOU! AND DON'T STOP DRINKING THAT MOUNTAIN DEW! WOO-HOO!! Ahem. Thank you for reviewing, love you too!!!
*****
Author's Note: THANK YOU EVERYBODY FOR REVIEWING AAAAAAAAAH! "I LOVE YOU ALL WITH AFFECTION UNSPEAKABLE!" Oooh, Pirates of Penzance! I love Kevin Kline. HE IS MY HEROOOO! "And did I fail to mention that you shall all be our heroes?" Ahhhh, I love that play. HE IS, HURRAH FOR THE PIRATE KING! YEEEEEE-HAW!
-Saturday