Disclaimer: Yeah, I'm done with the accent now. I really am. I'll try not to put it in anymore (although you shouldn't be surprised if Adrienne suddenly breaks into Scottish accent now and then, she's a rebel muse and seriously has a mind of her own.) Anyway I don't own anything except ... Adrienne, I guess. That's rather sad. NO WAIT! I own Teddy, Louie, and Mrs. James! YES! OH YEAH, BABY!
*****
Chapter Four – Fedora
*****
"So you're gonna MEET him???" Adrienne gasped.
"Yeah."
"Like --- actually MEET him??"
"YES!"
"Are you NERVOUS??"
"Well I wasn't until you brought the subject up."
"Oh. Sorry."
"That's ok."
I sucked on my finger. Adrienne and I had been playing hockey at the rink (and she had beaten me horribly) so now I was nursing a dented ego and a cut finger. Yes, I somehow managed to cut my finger on the blade of my skate. Don't ask me how. I think I forgot I didn't have skate guards on or something...
Adrienne put her skates back into her bag and pulled on her sneakers. "So you guys are meeting at Tibby's, eh? And you'll both be wearing your fedoras ... What the hell is a fedora, anyway?" she said after a minute.
"What do you mean what is a fedora???" I gasped. "Haven't you seen Indiana Jones?"
"Well yes, but I'm not Indiana Jones obsessive compulsive," she said slowly, grinning at me.
I smiled. "Well, my poor deprived friend, a fedora is the kind of hat Indy wears. Both Racetrack and I are, as you so adequately put it, 'Indiana Jones obsessive compulsive', so it seemed appropriate."
"Ah, I see." She put her skates into her bag and put her Yankees baseball cap on over her dark hair. (A/N: I hate the Yankees. I'm sorry. I would have her wearing a Red Sox baseball cap but I think she would get mobbed by angry crowds of New Yorkers the moment she stepped outside ... Adrienne is nutty but she's not THAT insane...) The pair of us left the rink and headed down the sidewalk towards home. "So you're actually gonna wear that ugly hat in public?" she asked.
"It is NOT ugly!"
"'Tis."
"Leave me alone..."
"Hey look, it's Todd!!"
"Who's Todd?"
"Nobody, I just wanted to say that."
"You know, Adrienne, sometimes I worry..."
"L IS FOR THE WAY YOU LOOK AT MEEEEEEE, O IS FOR THE ONLY ONE I SEEEEEE, V IS VERY VERY EXTRAORDINARY, E IS EVEN MORE THAN AAAAANYONE THAT YOU ADORE AND LOOOO—"
"What time is it?"
"I dunno, I can't tell time."
"Yes you can, Adrienne, don't give me that bullshit. You just don't wanna take your hands out of your pockets and check your watch."
"But Spot, my pockets are all WARM and it's COLD out!!"
"I seriously doubt that your blue jeans are providing that much insulation."
"Hey, it's better than nothing. Body heat, y'know?"
"But your jeans are BAGGY, meaning they are not that close to your skin, meaning you are not getting that much body heat!"
"FINE!"
"Fine what?"
"It's quarter past."
"Quarter past what?"
"I'll never tell."
"Adrienne!"
"Ok...you can ask yes or no questions."
"Is it quarter past twelve?"
"No."
"Is it later than quarter past twelve?"
"Yes."
"DAMMIT! I was supposed to be at basketball practice at quarter past twelve!!"
"Spot, it's Saturday. You don't have practice on Saturday."
"Really?"
"Really really."
"Ah."
"MAN I love Shrek."
"Adrienne?"
"Yeah?"
"WHAT'S THE FREAKIN' TIME???"
"Oh it's quarter past one."
"Oh. Thank you."
"No problem."
"Hey look, it's TODD!"
"Dear God."
"No REALLY this time, honest..."
*
She'd never admit it for the world, but Adrienne hates it at my house. I understand perfectly; my mom is extremely stiff and rather paranoid and she doesn't like Adrienne at all. Plus, the whole house is incredibly clean and makes you feel guilty if you don't take off your shoes when you come in.
Adrienne's apartment is completely different. Her Burmese Mountain Dog, Louie, will slobber all over your lap the minute you step inside, and her five-year-old brother Teddy will immediately proceed to interrogate anyone who dares enter the house. "What is your name?" he'll say, narrowing his eyes at you.
You shall promptly give him your full name, middle initial included, or suffer the consequences (and believe me, you don't wanna suffer the consequences...).
"What are your motives upon entering this fortress?" he shall then continue briskly.
You shall promptly answer something along the lines of "to watch 'the Matrix' in Adrienne's room, and no, I'm not going to touch your toy car collection."
"At what time will you be planning on making your departure?" he shall then ask.
You shall promptly answer that you are planning on leaving around three in the afternoon; if you answer any later than five o'clock PM, you shall be shot at with a toy gun. (I was terrified out of my wits the first time that happened to me, I thought the kid was gonna blow my brains out with a pistol ... and then I realized that it was plastic ... don't laugh, we all have our moments of panic.)
He shall then give you the once-over, eyes still narrowed broodingly. If he is pleased with your answers, he'll give you a stiff nod of the head and you are free to go. If he is not pleased ... well, let's not go into details about that.
Adrienne invited me over after skating to watch 'the Matrix' (aHA!) after we had clarified that the boy she had seen was NOT named Todd after all. Imagine that! Of course, I passed Teddy's examination easily because I had gone through it so many times. You'd think the kid would get tired of the same old routine, but it never changes. Ever.
"Frankly, I absolutely adore Keanu Reeves," said Adrienne as she took out the DVD.
"I know, dear."
"And I absolutely adore this movie, too."
"I know dear."
She and I sat down on her bed and waited for the movie to come on. (I just realized that sounds like we just sat there and stared at a blank TV. We had pressed play, you know, and now we were waiting for the commercials to start. Sheesh!)
The doorbell rang. "I'LL GET IT!" yelled Teddy.
"No surprise there," I said to Adrienne. "That should be Specs and Dutchy."
Yeah, you heard me right. I think I had you under the impression that Adrienne is my one and only friend. As a matter of fact, I am actually quite the Mr. Popular at my school.
Ok, maybe I'm not. But I do have two other friends, Specs David and Dutchy Dudynsky. The four of us have been friends since kindergarten, when Adrienne and Specs went around telling everybody that they were twins. (I think they actually believed it, too, considering they were both born in August. It never occurred to any of us that they had different last names...)
"What are your names?" we heard Teddy said imperiously from the other room.
"Specs A. David."
"Dutchy R. Dudynsky."
"What are your motives upon entering this fortress?"
"LET 'EM COME IN, TED!" Adrienne yelled. "THEY'RE COMING TO HANG OUT AND WATCH THE MATRIX, THEY'RE LEAVING AT FOUR, AND THEY'RE NOT GONNA TOUCH YOUR CARS!"
"THANK YOU, OH DOMINEERING FIEND!" Teddy bellowed.
"SHUT UP, SQUIRT, OR WHEN MOM GETS HOME I'LL TELL HER ABOUT THAT TIME YOU STOLE ALL THE COOKIES FROM THE COOKIE JAR!" Adrienne yelled calmly.
"Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar!" Dutchy sang.
"Dutchy stole the cookies from the cookie jar!" Specs sang back.
"Who me?"
"Yes you!"
"Couldn't be!"
"Then who?"
"Guyyyyyyyyyyy's!" I whined. "Get in here and stop singing, the movie's about to start!"
"Are we free to go, officer?" said Specs to Teddy.
"I suppose," said Teddy gloomily.
"Thank ya, sir!" I didn't even have to see Dutchy to know that he was saluting the five-year-old. He did it every time ... strange guy, eh?
So anyway, the two came into Adrienne's bedroom and sat down next to me on the bed. "Oooh, I love Keanu Reeves!" Dutchy squealed.
"Oh yeah!" Adrienne reached over my head and slapped him a high-five.
"He's almost as hot as Gabriel Damon, right?" said Specs slyly, looking at her out of the corner of his eye.
"Hey, shut up!" Adrienne laughed, throwing a pillow at him.
The guys are always mocking her because she has a thing for Gabriel Damon, who supposedly looks uncannily like me. I honestly can't see any similarities between us; his eyes are too close together and his nose is bigger than mine. Dude, those guys really should get their eyes checked.
The pillow fight stopped abruptly when the characteristic symbols of the movie started reeling across the screen. Trinity's voice came on, calm and slightly eerie --- dammit, I love this movie.
About halfway through the movie, Adrienne's mother came home and demanded that we eat lunch before we all starve to death. She dragged us out of Adrienne's room and exiled us to the kitchen where we were forced against our will to make sandwiches. OH HORRORS!
Not really. We were actually pretty glad to get food, considering none of us had eaten anything since breakfast and it was two-thirty in the afternoon.
"So. How's life?" said Specs.
"Spot's meeting his little IM friend this afternoon," said Adrienne, her head and shoulders lost somewhere in the refrigerator.
"Little IM friend?" Specs repeated, raising an eyebrow at me.
Adrienne finally emerged holding more stuff and I can count. "Oh---he hasn't told you?" she said, surprised, kicking the refrigerator door shut. "He's been talking to this guy on IM for like two months and they're FINALLY meeting."
"THIS GUY COULD BE A RAPIST!" Dutchy yelled.
"I was the one who suggested meeting," I pointed out.
"Weren't you the one who was against giving out any personal information whatsoever?" said Adrienne slowly as she tried to carefully dump all of the food onto the kitchen counter.
I contented myself with pulling out two pieces of bread and covering them with mayonnaise instead of answering that question. The truth was, I really did want to meet Racetrack and the only reason I hadn't told him anything about me was that my mother has really started to get to me. She's so paranoid and overprotective. Man. It's messing with my mind.
"Hudson gave Adrienne and me detention again today," said Dutchy, grinning.
"Again??" I repeated. "I don't believe this..."
"Oh you weren't in the class," Specs told me. "If you had been there, you would have believed it."
"I think he was in a bad mood or something," said Adrienne.
"Yeah," Dutchy agreed. "He usually has to put up with so much more."
I laughed and started to put roast beef on one of my two mayonnaise coated pieces of bread. Yep, I'm a mayonnaise person. Gross, ain't it?
"Our little Specsie didn't get detention though," said Adrienne, messing with his hair (and getting some mayonnaise in it, too). "He was sitting all quiet---"
"Like a fish," Dutchy added.
"---yeah, like a fish, and---"
"I was NOT sitting 'quiet like a fish'!" said Specs.
"Pass the cheese," I requested.
"You were TOO sitting all quiet like a fish!" Adrienne told him, passing me the lettuce. "And Hudson gave you that extra credit on your test because he likes you best."
"That is not WHY he gave me the extra credit!" said Specs.
"Is TOO!" Adrienne stuck out her tongue at him.
"Children, stop your bickering!" said Dutchy in a falsetto voice.
"Said the guy who first described the way I sat as 'like a fish'," Specs mumbled.
"Pass the tomatoes," I requested.
"You know what?" said Dutchy. "I saw this movie the other day and the guy's ear got cut off and then it crawled into the closet and when the guy's girlfriend finally opened the closet a few days later, little ears came crawling out all over the place!!!"
"So what is your average in Social Studies, then?" Adrienne demanded of Specs.
Specs turned rather pink and mumbled something.
"SPEAK UP, SON, LET THE LORD HEAR YOUR VOICE!" Adrienne yelled.
"'Footloose' freak," I mumbled as I organized the tomatoes in my sandwich in a little pattern.
"I have a 98, alright?" said Specs finally.
Adrienne put a hand over her stomach and collapsed on the floor. "LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ADRY!!" Dutchy yelled dramatically, kneeling beside her and pretending to sob hysterically. "She was SO YOUNG, SO YOUNG!"
"Hey, what's your average, Dutchy?" said Adrienne suddenly.
"Do you honestly think I'm going to say this in Specs' presence?"
"Hey!" Specs pouted. "You guys always treat me like I'm from another planet just because I get better grades than you."
"Your point being?" said Dutchy seriously.
"AAAH! WHAT TIME IS IT?" I said suddenly.
"Three."
"SHIT! I'm s'posed to be at Tibby's now!" I put my sandwich back down on the counter and hurried into the hall to get my sweatshirt.
"Hey dude, you're not just LEAVING, are you?" said Dutchy, surprised.
"I really gotta go, he's probably there waiting already," I said anxiously. "Thanks for inviting me, Adrienne. I'm leaving, Mrs. James, thanks for having me over!" I called into the living room.
"No problem, Gabriel, come back soon!" she called back.
"See you guys later." I hurried out of the apartment and shut the door behind me, running out onto the sidewalk as I pulled my sweatshirt on over my head.
And guess what?
You're not stupid. I wonder what happened...
Of course, I walked smack-dab into somebody before I had gotten five feet away from the building. "Oh god, I'm sorry," I said quickly, pulling my sweatshirt over so I could see. I blinked.
"Gabe, I'm sorry to tell you this but you're an idiot," said Anthony, grinning at me. "Walking out of a house in New York City with a sweatshirt on over your head and expecting not to get hit by somebody."
I smiled. "We all have our moments and I'm in a bit of a hurry."
"Same here. Walk with me?"
"Sure---ahhh, just kidding, I can't---dammit!" I looked around vainly for a second and then started up the steps to Adrienne's house again. "I forgot something---you go ahead, I'll see you around."
Call it fate, but just then the door opened and Adrienne stepped out yelling, "GABRIEL CONLON, YOU IDIOT, YOU FORGOT YOUR---oh, you're still here! Good! Oh hey Tony, how's it rollin'?"
"Not bad---I'm sorry but I really have to get going," he said apologetically. "See you later, Gabe." He pulled something brown out of his pocket and put it on his head.
Oh god.
Dude.
It was a light brown fedora, the kind that Indy wears. Tony smiled sheepishly. "Indy fan," he said by means of explanation, winked from under the brim of his hat, and walked off down the sidewalk in the direction of Tibby's.
Whoa.
Hold on---major light bulb clickage going on in my head right now.
I turned to Adrienne, mouthing wordlessly. In a total state of shock.
Adrienne smiled at me. "Gabriel 'Spot' William Conlon---" ah, full name "---if you don't go out there after him, I am personally going to cut you into a thousand little pieces and feed them to Specs and Dutchy for lunch," she said.
"Way to be graphic..." I finally found words.
"GO!" And with that she put my fedora on my head, turned me around, and pushed me down the steps and out onto the sidewalk.
Sometimes Adrienne scares the shit outta me. Other times, I wonder what on earth I would do without her.
*****
Shoutouts!!
Rumor: Yeah, I have this movie-quoting thing too. In this chapter alone, I must have mentioned at least five movies ... I guess that's when you know it's become an unhealthy obsession, lol. Thank you so much for the review, I'm glad you like it! (The story, I mean, not the review ... nevermind.)
hippie-girl13492: You said "where's the rest of the chappie?" Did the last chapter not show up completely? If that's true, I am very very sorry, my computer hates my guts. (I swear on the holy Newsies DVD that it's plotting against me when my back is turned ... *shudder*) Anyway, thanks for the review! :D
nani: Yeah, my friends and me always find something interesting to do at lunch. Our current obsession is making sculptures with the leftover food ... we get a lot of funny looks. ;-) We don't generally sing the Red Hot Chili Peppers, though; more Disney songs. lol. Thank you so much for the review, hug for you!!
GLimmer Conlon O'Leary: FINE! BE THAT WAY! lol---anyway, thank you SO MUCH for the review, I am still grinning like an idiot. :D See? Yeah, I'm just rambling ... I love you too! Let's go and have milk and cookies!! ;-)
kattabean: YOU DON'T LIKE THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS??? THEY ARE MY LIFE! Actually, I have several lives. U2, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Travis, Fountains of Wayne, Nirvana, the Foo Fighters, the Ramones, and Led Zeppelin ... Hey, wait a minute! *counts on fingers* That's eight! I think... Yeah, eight! I HAVE EIGHT LIVES, BABY, BOW AND FEAR ME! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! Ahem. Thank you so much for the review, I love you!! :D
Repeat: Has Scout showed you her "Circle of Life" parody? It's awesome, I think it will amuse you greatly. Aaaanyways. Oh yeah, baby, Race is most DEFINITLY tall dark and handsome. HE SHALL NOT BACK OUT!! lol---you broke your Bambi punching bag??? Ah well, here's another one because I love you. Thanks so much for reviewing, hugs for you!!!
studentnumber24601: Ah, I didn't even notice that I was having Race narrate in netspeak ... Thank you for pointing it out to me! I hope I didn't accidentally have Spot do it this time. Anyways, thank you so much for reviewing (and I am very glad this story made you squeal, lol)! :D
KyrielF: This probably sounds totally random, but have you read "Sabriel" by Garth Nix? Just 'cause your name reminded me of some of the names in there and I was wondering if you did that on purpose ... nevermind. Thank you for the review and the mookies!!! (Ahh, that made me laugh!) This was not a sukky review! I shall now give you a hug. Lol
Pantalaimon: MAN your name is reminding me of something ... *sits and thinks for about ten minutes* Ah well. Thank you for reviewing, and I completely agree, abandoned stories stink very much. ;-)
SpotLover421: I LOVE 42ND STREET! IT IS MY LIFE! Well not really but *voice takes on an emotional tone* it has certainly affected my life in a way I had never imagined ... *emotional tone vanishes* In a way I'm kind of glad that the only teacher of the male gender that I have is about forty years old and has the strangest voice I have ever heard. I think it would be really weird to have a hot teacher, lol. Anyways, thank you SO MUCH for reviewing, I love you!! :D
Sapphy: *starts laughing for no apparent reason* I dunno, your review made me giggle. It wasn't anything in particular; the whole thing was just funny. I agree, hot teachers are creepy and should be banned from all schools until they reach the age of thirty-seven. And I also agree that I have created some pretty obnoxious teenage girls in this story ... and Adrienne sort of seems more like a teenage GUY in a way. She's very special. Aaaaanyways, thank you so much for your review!!!
*****
Author's Note: No Sean Connery accent this time, I'm sorry ... *Everyone cheers* THANKS TO ALL REVIEWERS and I'm sorry this chapter was kind of long and kind of pointless except for the end. And I think I kind of destroyed Spot and Adrienne's "special relationship" by adding Specs and Duchy, but I LOVE them! Yesh ... I mean yes. Well. Please review, I'll give you a cookie! ;-)
-Saturday