If you are reading this, chances are you are interested in finding out
what will happen between Severus and Harry...and I thank you
A big thanks must go out to my reviews, however: Winnie2, Pure Black, the-magic-is-in-you, barbarataku, lillinfields, Doneril, crazy-lil-nae-nae and of course AJ-Wolf-AJ. Thank you all for your words encouragement!
And AJ-Wolf-AJ, you'll get another special message: I'm glad making you cry was a good thing...but I think I'll give you a cookie anyway ::hands you a cookie:: and isn't the song really good? It makes me cry mostly cuz it reminds me of all my senior guys (all just friends, I'm not a player) that are graduating this year. I'm glad I could get someone into that song, lol
But now that I'm done what that, here's the next chapter ::bites lip and hopes it's satisfactory:: oh, and before I forget: this chapter -is- based around a song again
And just as in the first chapter:
[...] = lyrics
'...' = inner monologue
"..." = actual spoken words
============================================
After sitting down, Severus found himself at a loss for words
"Severus?" Harry tentatively asked, almost sounding like the 16-year-old he had fallen in love with in the first place again, "Please," he begged, tears building. Severus waiting so long to begin began to scare Harry, 'What if he doesn't want me back? What if he can't forgive me for what I've done?' and suddenly Harry couldn't look at the other man anymore. He was too ashamed
[Tell me what I have to do tonight
'Cause I'd do anything to make it right
Let's be us again
I'm sorry for the way I lost my head
I don't know why I said the things I said
Let's be us again]
"Harry, I don't know where to begin," he pleaded with the young man to understand how suffocating it was between this rock and a hard place
"Try the beginning," he looked up at him again
Severus sighed, "That's so far back..." After he had said the words, he knew they were the wrong ones to voice. 'Now he thinks I don't care enough to trust him with it all,' and Harry's eyes were showing just that. So he gave in
"Ok, Harry, I'll try"
[Here I stand
With everything to lose
And all I know is I don't want to ever see the end
Baby please, I'm reaching out for you
Won't you open up your heart and let me come back in
Let's be us again]
"You remember how I told you that all my lovers in the past had hurt me?" a simple nod from Harry and he continued, "They had all told me that they cared about and loved me. -All- of them. But in the end they all left, because they grew tired of me"
"I told you I never would"
"You also said you'd never leave me," Severus said rather more icily then he had meant to
Harry was silent for a moment, searching his hands for answers again, before looking up once more, "I know I did, but I had to go. I knew you would never talk to me honestly about this whole deal unless you felt pressed," Harry took a deep breath before continuing, "And Sev, it hurt so bad. -So- bad, to be so close to you without you giving it your all just because you were scared over nothing"
"But why leave? There was no easier way?" Severus sounded lost now, too
"I knew you loved me and wouldn't let me go if I told you in the letter that I still loved you and that you had a chance to get me back. You're a very stubborn man"
"That doesn't give you the right to..." Severus began, but Harry cut him off before he could finish:
"The right to what? To do what you were planning to do, only this way it was on my terms and not yours?" Severus sat there, stunned at the loud outburst filled with hurt. 'How had he known?' "Oh yes, Sev, I knew what you were planning. I also knew that if it had happened your way instead of mine, you wouldn't be so willing to be sitting here trying to get me back in your life," Harry practically yelled, his emotions going haywire
Severus was stunned into silence again, "Harry, I don't want to fight anymore," he proclaimed sadly, almost as if he was too exhausted to
"Then explain to me why. I understand what your other lovers have done, but -why- is that such a big deal, Sev? Why?" Harry asked softer
"Because..." he couldn't say it. He'd never opened up quite -this- much before, and it made him uneasy, even though it was only Harry
Or maybe it was -because- it was 'only Harry' that it was so hard. What if the boy didn't love him after he opened up? He'd be right back where it ended with everybody else he let get close to him
"Severus," Harry begged again, tears threatening to fall once more, "I have to know"
A brief silence, and then: "Because...because...I love you more then I've ever loved anyone else. Do you know how attached I am to you, and how absolutely frightening that is for me? I depended on and was attached to my past lovers less than I am with you, but when they left...it hurt me so much. If you ever were to truly leave me, Harry, I don't know what I'd do, for surly it'd hurt 10 times worse," he was becoming desperate and sounding frantic, he knew, but for some reason he all of a sudden felt he had to tell Harry all of it. Something he said had to make Harry stay
[Look at me, I'm way past pride
Isn't there some way that we can try to be us again
Even if it takes a while
I'll wait right here until I see that smile
That says we're us again
Here I stand
With everything to lose
And all I know is I don't want to ever see the end
Baby please, I'm reaching out for you
Won't you open up your heart and let me come back in
Let's be us
Baby baby what would I do
I can't imagine life without you]
"Severus..." Harry started, but this time it was Severus' turn to cut him off
"No, Harry, hang on. You mean everything to me, and with time, I feared, yes -feared-, that it would grow stronger. In my mind, I was convinced you would grow tired of me as everyone else had done and leave me. I thought that if I ended it sooner, before I could really be dependent on you, that I would be saving myself," he breathed and looked Harry in the eye, "But it seems that I was too late. It's already reached the point of 'too much dependency' for me. I cannot let you go now, even if I wanted to save myself. I love you, Harry"
By the end of Severus' speech, Harry was crying silent tears. His eyes were closed, and remained closed for a few minutes, so Severus couldn't see whether they were tears of joy or of sorrow
He wanted to go and hold the young man he loved so much in his arms; to kiss away his tears, but now he felt somewhat unworthy of that
Harry's eyes finally opened, but Severus didn't see because he was too engrossed in studying the youngest Weasley boy's choice in carpeting
[Here I stand
With everything to lose
And all I know is I don't want to ever see the end
Baby please, I'm reaching out for you
Won't you open up your heart and let me come back in
Oh, here I am
I'm reaching out for you
So won't you open up your heart and let me come back in
Let's be us again]
"Did you mean it?" Harry asked quietly, his voice a little husky from holding back sobs
Severus looked him in the eye rather fearfully and told him the honest-to-god truth: "Every word"
A smile made its way to Harry's face and eyes. Then, suddenly, Harry managed to stand up on his slightly wobbly legs, walk over to Severus' chair swiftly, and settle himself in the older mans lap. Once there, he gazed into the black orbs almost searchingly, as if examining his very soul, then leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, putting as much love and understanding as he could into it
Once it ended, Harry smiled and buried his face in Severus' neck and sighed contently, wrapping his arms around him
"I'm sorry I left," he whispered into the soft skin
"Strangely, I find that I am not," he said with a little smile. At this statement, Harry lifted his head and gazed at him in awe, so Severus hurried to explain himself, "If you hadn't left I never would've gotten to tell you all that I did," he said, then added, almost as an after thought: "I never would've finally trusted you completely, and I sure as hell wouldn't be happy for the rest of time"
Harry smiled brightly again and leaned in to kiss Severus once more, only very passionate and needy this time
Once they broke apart, Harry said, "I love you, too"
"I know, Harry, I know," he softly said, brushing a stray hair from Harry's right eye lovingly with his left hand
"Sev?" Harry asked, looking contemplative
"Yes, Harry?"
"Can we go home now?"
Severus smiled at the words and replied, "Of course, love"
[Oh let's be us again]
They both stood and headed towards the door and Severus grabbed Harry's bag as he passed it. At the door, Harry turned and yelled, "Thank you, Ron, but we'll be going now," to which he received an odd sounding 'goodbye' and then left
Back in the kitchen, Ronald Weasley sat crying at the table
===========================================================
That's chapter 3 for ya. Again, I hope it wasn't disappointing. I know it was a little bit (a little like a lot) shorter than the previous chapters, and I'm sorry for that, but I didn't want to drag on their sappy speeches and declarations of love for too long
The song that was "playing" throughout this chapter was 'Let's be us again' by Lonestar...I've found that counrty songs tend to have a sweeter, truer meaning to them and find it more suiting for this story
The next chapter should have some smutty goodness. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to post on here because of their strict guidelines. But I'm sure I'd be able to set up a system to get the un-edited version to whoever wanted it if it comes down to it
Thank you again for all the reviews! It's a tad intimidating, I must admit, seeing as how I'm usually used to only getting 3 or 4 reviews per chapter, but I've already got...17ish or something for two chapters alone. Please continue to leave me so many reviews, because it really does help to motivate me to get down to writing
I promise to try my hardest to update quickly again, but my last day of finals is tomorrow, and then I have an 'all fine arts picnic' to attend after the tests, so who knows how that'll go
A big thanks must go out to my reviews, however: Winnie2, Pure Black, the-magic-is-in-you, barbarataku, lillinfields, Doneril, crazy-lil-nae-nae and of course AJ-Wolf-AJ. Thank you all for your words encouragement!
And AJ-Wolf-AJ, you'll get another special message: I'm glad making you cry was a good thing...but I think I'll give you a cookie anyway ::hands you a cookie:: and isn't the song really good? It makes me cry mostly cuz it reminds me of all my senior guys (all just friends, I'm not a player) that are graduating this year. I'm glad I could get someone into that song, lol
But now that I'm done what that, here's the next chapter ::bites lip and hopes it's satisfactory:: oh, and before I forget: this chapter -is- based around a song again
And just as in the first chapter:
[...] = lyrics
'...' = inner monologue
"..." = actual spoken words
============================================
After sitting down, Severus found himself at a loss for words
"Severus?" Harry tentatively asked, almost sounding like the 16-year-old he had fallen in love with in the first place again, "Please," he begged, tears building. Severus waiting so long to begin began to scare Harry, 'What if he doesn't want me back? What if he can't forgive me for what I've done?' and suddenly Harry couldn't look at the other man anymore. He was too ashamed
[Tell me what I have to do tonight
'Cause I'd do anything to make it right
Let's be us again
I'm sorry for the way I lost my head
I don't know why I said the things I said
Let's be us again]
"Harry, I don't know where to begin," he pleaded with the young man to understand how suffocating it was between this rock and a hard place
"Try the beginning," he looked up at him again
Severus sighed, "That's so far back..." After he had said the words, he knew they were the wrong ones to voice. 'Now he thinks I don't care enough to trust him with it all,' and Harry's eyes were showing just that. So he gave in
"Ok, Harry, I'll try"
[Here I stand
With everything to lose
And all I know is I don't want to ever see the end
Baby please, I'm reaching out for you
Won't you open up your heart and let me come back in
Let's be us again]
"You remember how I told you that all my lovers in the past had hurt me?" a simple nod from Harry and he continued, "They had all told me that they cared about and loved me. -All- of them. But in the end they all left, because they grew tired of me"
"I told you I never would"
"You also said you'd never leave me," Severus said rather more icily then he had meant to
Harry was silent for a moment, searching his hands for answers again, before looking up once more, "I know I did, but I had to go. I knew you would never talk to me honestly about this whole deal unless you felt pressed," Harry took a deep breath before continuing, "And Sev, it hurt so bad. -So- bad, to be so close to you without you giving it your all just because you were scared over nothing"
"But why leave? There was no easier way?" Severus sounded lost now, too
"I knew you loved me and wouldn't let me go if I told you in the letter that I still loved you and that you had a chance to get me back. You're a very stubborn man"
"That doesn't give you the right to..." Severus began, but Harry cut him off before he could finish:
"The right to what? To do what you were planning to do, only this way it was on my terms and not yours?" Severus sat there, stunned at the loud outburst filled with hurt. 'How had he known?' "Oh yes, Sev, I knew what you were planning. I also knew that if it had happened your way instead of mine, you wouldn't be so willing to be sitting here trying to get me back in your life," Harry practically yelled, his emotions going haywire
Severus was stunned into silence again, "Harry, I don't want to fight anymore," he proclaimed sadly, almost as if he was too exhausted to
"Then explain to me why. I understand what your other lovers have done, but -why- is that such a big deal, Sev? Why?" Harry asked softer
"Because..." he couldn't say it. He'd never opened up quite -this- much before, and it made him uneasy, even though it was only Harry
Or maybe it was -because- it was 'only Harry' that it was so hard. What if the boy didn't love him after he opened up? He'd be right back where it ended with everybody else he let get close to him
"Severus," Harry begged again, tears threatening to fall once more, "I have to know"
A brief silence, and then: "Because...because...I love you more then I've ever loved anyone else. Do you know how attached I am to you, and how absolutely frightening that is for me? I depended on and was attached to my past lovers less than I am with you, but when they left...it hurt me so much. If you ever were to truly leave me, Harry, I don't know what I'd do, for surly it'd hurt 10 times worse," he was becoming desperate and sounding frantic, he knew, but for some reason he all of a sudden felt he had to tell Harry all of it. Something he said had to make Harry stay
[Look at me, I'm way past pride
Isn't there some way that we can try to be us again
Even if it takes a while
I'll wait right here until I see that smile
That says we're us again
Here I stand
With everything to lose
And all I know is I don't want to ever see the end
Baby please, I'm reaching out for you
Won't you open up your heart and let me come back in
Let's be us
Baby baby what would I do
I can't imagine life without you]
"Severus..." Harry started, but this time it was Severus' turn to cut him off
"No, Harry, hang on. You mean everything to me, and with time, I feared, yes -feared-, that it would grow stronger. In my mind, I was convinced you would grow tired of me as everyone else had done and leave me. I thought that if I ended it sooner, before I could really be dependent on you, that I would be saving myself," he breathed and looked Harry in the eye, "But it seems that I was too late. It's already reached the point of 'too much dependency' for me. I cannot let you go now, even if I wanted to save myself. I love you, Harry"
By the end of Severus' speech, Harry was crying silent tears. His eyes were closed, and remained closed for a few minutes, so Severus couldn't see whether they were tears of joy or of sorrow
He wanted to go and hold the young man he loved so much in his arms; to kiss away his tears, but now he felt somewhat unworthy of that
Harry's eyes finally opened, but Severus didn't see because he was too engrossed in studying the youngest Weasley boy's choice in carpeting
[Here I stand
With everything to lose
And all I know is I don't want to ever see the end
Baby please, I'm reaching out for you
Won't you open up your heart and let me come back in
Oh, here I am
I'm reaching out for you
So won't you open up your heart and let me come back in
Let's be us again]
"Did you mean it?" Harry asked quietly, his voice a little husky from holding back sobs
Severus looked him in the eye rather fearfully and told him the honest-to-god truth: "Every word"
A smile made its way to Harry's face and eyes. Then, suddenly, Harry managed to stand up on his slightly wobbly legs, walk over to Severus' chair swiftly, and settle himself in the older mans lap. Once there, he gazed into the black orbs almost searchingly, as if examining his very soul, then leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, putting as much love and understanding as he could into it
Once it ended, Harry smiled and buried his face in Severus' neck and sighed contently, wrapping his arms around him
"I'm sorry I left," he whispered into the soft skin
"Strangely, I find that I am not," he said with a little smile. At this statement, Harry lifted his head and gazed at him in awe, so Severus hurried to explain himself, "If you hadn't left I never would've gotten to tell you all that I did," he said, then added, almost as an after thought: "I never would've finally trusted you completely, and I sure as hell wouldn't be happy for the rest of time"
Harry smiled brightly again and leaned in to kiss Severus once more, only very passionate and needy this time
Once they broke apart, Harry said, "I love you, too"
"I know, Harry, I know," he softly said, brushing a stray hair from Harry's right eye lovingly with his left hand
"Sev?" Harry asked, looking contemplative
"Yes, Harry?"
"Can we go home now?"
Severus smiled at the words and replied, "Of course, love"
[Oh let's be us again]
They both stood and headed towards the door and Severus grabbed Harry's bag as he passed it. At the door, Harry turned and yelled, "Thank you, Ron, but we'll be going now," to which he received an odd sounding 'goodbye' and then left
Back in the kitchen, Ronald Weasley sat crying at the table
===========================================================
That's chapter 3 for ya. Again, I hope it wasn't disappointing. I know it was a little bit (a little like a lot) shorter than the previous chapters, and I'm sorry for that, but I didn't want to drag on their sappy speeches and declarations of love for too long
The song that was "playing" throughout this chapter was 'Let's be us again' by Lonestar...I've found that counrty songs tend to have a sweeter, truer meaning to them and find it more suiting for this story
The next chapter should have some smutty goodness. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to post on here because of their strict guidelines. But I'm sure I'd be able to set up a system to get the un-edited version to whoever wanted it if it comes down to it
Thank you again for all the reviews! It's a tad intimidating, I must admit, seeing as how I'm usually used to only getting 3 or 4 reviews per chapter, but I've already got...17ish or something for two chapters alone. Please continue to leave me so many reviews, because it really does help to motivate me to get down to writing
I promise to try my hardest to update quickly again, but my last day of finals is tomorrow, and then I have an 'all fine arts picnic' to attend after the tests, so who knows how that'll go