Authors Note- So I decided to write another chapter. I'm not sure how it will match up to the next one, and if people do not like it, I promise to not continue, and turn this back into a standalone. Because I could be butchering the story by continuing. And thank you so very much for the reviews, I was thrilled when I read them! You have no idea.
Disclaimer- The song is not mine, its The Juice's song... Too Good. If you want to hear it, email me or put it in a review, and I will send you the link. (It's an awesome song, they are great!)
its your smile, its your style, its the way that you walk
its the way your lips move every time that you talk
its your eyes it's your thighs its the breath of your hair
its the love that drowns my eyes every time that I stare
Slipping deeper and deeper, he's not sure where he's going or how he got here. His feet will him to step closer, closing the gap that lay between them. Her eyes never leave his, fingers fumbling with the hard cardboard, prying a single stick from its restraints. Their gazes never breaking she skilfully lights the tobacco, inhaling deeply, stress overwhelming her. A simple sweet release bring her so much more than anyone could ever know. She needs this, just like she needed him. Needed. Not anymore, no. Telling herself it will never work, he doesn't want her anymore, it took time, but eventually the words sunk in. Reality hit her, she knows now how true those simple words are, yet their meanings reach to her soul. Ripping deep inside her. He meant something to her. No, he meant everything to her. He was her sunshine on a rainy day, corny, oh yes, true though. She meant nothing to him. She thought he'd never leave. He swore he'd never leave.
Fuck him.
She throws the butt to the ground... well, half a cigarette to be correct. She watches as it's ashes are washed away by the newly fallen rain.
"Don't put it out on my account." His voice dry, bring back memories. Ones she buried deep within her, covering them with mistakes, and reason why they could never work, all the flaws she carries, and how the ending to them was really all her fault.
"Nothings done on your account anymore, Carter." Her voice raspy, full of emotion she spent months trying to hide. In one simple visit he brought them all back, flooding her mind with thoughts she no longer dreamt about, no longer let flood her mind, encompass her soul. He brought them back to life. He brought her back to life.
He watches her carefully, each movement so graceful, yet rigid and fearful. She was always unsure, nothing has changed, yet everything has. Her bare toes smack against the cool cement, finding a spot on the steps, she curls into a ball. He can't take his eyes of her, mesmerized by every action, every word sputtered. Her body focused on the falling rain, clouding his view, fogging the world around him. Everything is so clear despite it... He's meant to be here, plainly said, but he knows the complexity of it has just begun. His hands find her slumped shoulders, gently kneading a tight area, before she shrugs him off.
He needs to be closer to her, near her all the time, inside her. She needs him to be as far away as possible.
He inches closer, with every breath she takes he seems to get closer to her. He knows exactly what she wants and does the exact opposite of it. He knows how she works. The only man that ever has. John Carter, fuck him. His fingers dig into her skin once again, scalding each area that they tread along. She can't take it anymore, he's surrounding her, drowning her in his presence. Flinching, she rises from the cold hard ground, creases are left in her worn skin from where the pavement was digging into her flesh. Meeting eyes dart briefly, before she makes a dash for the door. Before he can utter a word, she's gone, deep into her apartment. She knows she left the door ajar... She knows he'll follow... She knows it should bother her more than it does... She knows she shouldn't want him to follow her.
Her feet pad against the hard wood. Darkness surrounds her, a single light provides the only light, moving closer to the rain splattered window she draws the drapes. The city below so alive, full of life, even at this hour in the morning. Each soul that wanders has a sad tale, one that drains them of their life, contradicting the picture this city draws. She longs to tug another smoke out of its package, to have the sweet nicotine flooding her mouth, gliding down to her lungs, would be a treat, a wanted one. She can't, he'll be disappointed, something she doesn't want to endow upon him again. Once was enough, once will do them in for a life time.
He's closer, inside. Few feet from her, hesitantly he lingers in the background, nervous twitches are evident in the windows reflection.
"Why are you here?" Breaking the tense silence, she uses her reflection to communicate with him, silently.
"I-" He stammers, at a loss for words. Why is he here? Does he really have a purpose in all of this, he seems to have caused her more pain... Something that started months ago, he blames himself for all their downfalls, but he knows it was just not him, it takes two to tango. Two to destroy what could have been perfect. "I don't know-" His voice lost in the night air.
She winces, no answer, not surprising. Nothing between them ever had answers... Or timing. The darkness hangs over them making the silence much more uncomfortable, he longs for it to be how it use to. When taking her into his arms was a luxury, her soft skin against his own, lips brushing slightly... Why did everything fall apart, shatter into many pieces? It's not fair. The most childish saying, but the only one that fits. It just isn't fair. How could something that started so great, felt so amazing end so badly... Broken hearts, were the only result.
"You don't know?" Her voice cutting thru him like warm water thru ice.
"Abby-" He steps closer, his voice soft, expressing everything he has ever felt. "I love you." She rolls her eyes, an action which speaks louder than words. This is not lost on him. "I love you. Do you even hear that?" His voice rising slightly, anger evident. "Do you even know that? I love you Abby. I love you. I love you. I love you..."
Her fingers push against the glass, he moves closer to her, his breath on the back of her neck. "How am I suppose to know it?" She mutters, her voice tear soaked, heavy with unshed drops... "How am I suppose to hear or know it when you never told me?"
His mind becomes like a filing cabinet, he searches his memory frantically, coming up with one moment any moment that he divulged his secret to her. Nothing... Not one. Months then spent together, twelve to be precise, twelve months, one year, he never told her he loved her. He would wonder every night if she loved him back, not knowing that she wondered the same thing.
"I love you." His voice cracking. "I do. I always have, I always will. No one can amount to you... You're-you're different, better... Perfect." Tears flowing freely, marking their territory down his cheeks. Her bottom lip numb from being chewed on.
"It's too late." It plummets, down to the deepest crevasse in his chest, his heart is gone. There is no point to him anymore. "We made mistakes." She tries without choking on tears. "I made mistakes... You think it was you- You think its you... But you were right. When we were together and I- I wasn't good enough. Not for you... Maybe for Richard, not you." She pauses, gathering her thoughts. He's numb his eyes unable to focus. "You're perfect... Treated- Well, for the most part-" She tries, but unable to finish. How can she explain all her pain, everything that went on in her mind to someone in a single second, a single verse that will become blurred within moments. Words tumble through his mind as she continues.
"We both... We work better unfettered. I'm changed, I know it, you know it. But not the way you need me to be. I'm still Abby. Abby the nurse... Abby the drunk... Abby the self misery, self deprecating, sarcastic bitch. That's me." She shakes her head, the bitter truth falling upon their shoulders, out in the open. She's right. He knows it. She is the same person, but he has learned that being who you are... There is nothing wrong with that. He didn't hear it then... He wishes he had.
its the way that we melt
the lucky hand we were dealt
its too good its too damn good