A/N: blah blah blah life's a drag blah blah blah...I'm so glad I have a good job finally LOL...My poor readers though you must hate it I never have time to write anymore!
I want one of Hermione's hourglass thingys
Thanks to all my reviewers I am so glad that all of you are still reading my fic!
******
Even Dreams Lie
By Akasha Ravensong
******
Chapter Eighteen: The Broken Pieces of my Heart
In the dark solitude of my dungeon chambers I put my head in my hands and fell into despair. But I did not cry. That was one weakness I would not allow to prevail, not when the weakness of my heart had already done enough damage for several lifetimes. How could I have been so stupid as to allow myself to venture out into the unknown, hoping to find love.
The war had ended and I had hoped that with it my solitude would end. All of the death eaters that I had known of were dead or gone and the wizarding world was free. I was no longer afraid of loosing somebody that I cared about in the battles. Indeed, that was one of my main reasons for not getting involved. Another was that I did not want that person to be used against me or convinced into joining with Voldemort.
Voldemort had been truly weak when all was said and done. He was nothing more then a man. And a man must die. It did not matter if he lived three times the amount of years he should have, but a man must always die. It is one of the inevitables of this world.
Just as it was inevitable that my heart would be broken. What good were emotions like love and happiness when they could so easily be lost and cause you pain. If all you knew was sadness, loneliness, and misery then feeling this way would not upset you. Not having known anything better brings with it a distinct sort of contentment. It can not be happiness, and it could not be love, but it could be enough.
How could I have ever though that she could enjoy the company of Severus Snape, the most loathsome creature that ever roamed the earth... I stared at my reflection in the mirror and it glared back at me. I was never a looker. My hooked nose was the bane of my existence. And although my hair was longer and silkier then when I had been younger it still persisted in looking as greasy as ever.
There was no way that Hermione could ever want me. I was nothing more then an old man who was years older then her. Hell I was old enough to be her father. I was obviously not nearly good enough for her. She was more interested in men of that Alexander's build.
I growled his name even in my thoughts. That scum. I would make him pay... no I wouldn't. He obviously made that girl happy even if I didn't. I saw the way that she hugged him at the pub. She flung herself at him. Probably an old flame of hers that decided to come back into her life. I couldn't compete with that younger man in any way. I was out of my league.
It wasn't even that she flaunted her affections with him I was just made painfully aware of the fact that she obviously cared more for this man then she would ever have cared for me. I regretted my words to her, because they were spoke out of anger and without basis in fact. I doubted she would ever forgive me. It's not like it mattered anyway though. She had already chosen, and she hadn't chosen me.
I say the love and affection in her eyes that night and I could not bear to used. I did not want her to feel guilty about leading me on. Well, yes I did. I wanted her to wallow in misery and guilt until she broke down and cried countless tears. I wanted her to know exactly how much she had put me through in those few moments I saw her so blissfully happy in his arms. But at the same time I wanted no pain or hurt to ever come to her, and I wanted to destroy the cause of any pain that she felt. I wanted to ensure her happiness.
Bloody hell, I really didn't know what I wanted. I only knew I wanted her. I stared at the mirror.
"Do go get a brush and fix your hair dear, and wash it while you're at it."
With a growl I punched the mirror and smashed it to a hundred pieces. I ignored the fact that it pieced itself back together.
"My, touchy aren't we."
Damn magickal mirrors...
***
"He's a fool Hermione. Don't let him get you down, love."
"But its Vince all over again. Why does this always happen to me?" I sobbed into his shirt as he held me close. "I have the worst taste in men!"
"Honey I'm hurt. Am I really that bad."
Half-heartedly I giggled into his shirt. Good old Alex. He always knew how to make me laugh even at the most dreadful of times.
"Bloody Egocentric prat."
"Hey, hey, hey, watch it now Miss Priss."
"Sorry Alexander. Its just..." I sighed.
"I know love, but it will be okay. I promise."
"Or so you say."
"Honey I can go beat him up for you? Will that help."
"Alex! Honestly! The man would have you hexed into pieces small enough to fit into a thimble before you even raise your wand."
"Not feeling the love, Mione."
"Tough Shit."
He grinned from ear to ear. "That's my girl."
"Ohh Alex, what am I going to do."
"Mione, not every guy is like Vince. Trust in him I think he'll come around. Especially when I introduce everyone to my fiancé."
"WHAT!"
"Just kidding, love. But I do have a steady girl. She's an angel. If she's around I'll have to introduce the two of you. And I promise you can play the part of over protective big sister from hell."
Puppy dog eyes... "Promise."
"Promise."
We laughed together. Maybe he was right. Maybe things would all work out in then end. I couldn't wait until this all sorted itself. I couldn't afford to loose somebody else that I cared about. I had already lost too many people dear to me. One more would break my heart. And this time I was afraid that it would not mend.
I want one of Hermione's hourglass thingys
Thanks to all my reviewers I am so glad that all of you are still reading my fic!
******
Even Dreams Lie
By Akasha Ravensong
******
Chapter Eighteen: The Broken Pieces of my Heart
In the dark solitude of my dungeon chambers I put my head in my hands and fell into despair. But I did not cry. That was one weakness I would not allow to prevail, not when the weakness of my heart had already done enough damage for several lifetimes. How could I have been so stupid as to allow myself to venture out into the unknown, hoping to find love.
The war had ended and I had hoped that with it my solitude would end. All of the death eaters that I had known of were dead or gone and the wizarding world was free. I was no longer afraid of loosing somebody that I cared about in the battles. Indeed, that was one of my main reasons for not getting involved. Another was that I did not want that person to be used against me or convinced into joining with Voldemort.
Voldemort had been truly weak when all was said and done. He was nothing more then a man. And a man must die. It did not matter if he lived three times the amount of years he should have, but a man must always die. It is one of the inevitables of this world.
Just as it was inevitable that my heart would be broken. What good were emotions like love and happiness when they could so easily be lost and cause you pain. If all you knew was sadness, loneliness, and misery then feeling this way would not upset you. Not having known anything better brings with it a distinct sort of contentment. It can not be happiness, and it could not be love, but it could be enough.
How could I have ever though that she could enjoy the company of Severus Snape, the most loathsome creature that ever roamed the earth... I stared at my reflection in the mirror and it glared back at me. I was never a looker. My hooked nose was the bane of my existence. And although my hair was longer and silkier then when I had been younger it still persisted in looking as greasy as ever.
There was no way that Hermione could ever want me. I was nothing more then an old man who was years older then her. Hell I was old enough to be her father. I was obviously not nearly good enough for her. She was more interested in men of that Alexander's build.
I growled his name even in my thoughts. That scum. I would make him pay... no I wouldn't. He obviously made that girl happy even if I didn't. I saw the way that she hugged him at the pub. She flung herself at him. Probably an old flame of hers that decided to come back into her life. I couldn't compete with that younger man in any way. I was out of my league.
It wasn't even that she flaunted her affections with him I was just made painfully aware of the fact that she obviously cared more for this man then she would ever have cared for me. I regretted my words to her, because they were spoke out of anger and without basis in fact. I doubted she would ever forgive me. It's not like it mattered anyway though. She had already chosen, and she hadn't chosen me.
I say the love and affection in her eyes that night and I could not bear to used. I did not want her to feel guilty about leading me on. Well, yes I did. I wanted her to wallow in misery and guilt until she broke down and cried countless tears. I wanted her to know exactly how much she had put me through in those few moments I saw her so blissfully happy in his arms. But at the same time I wanted no pain or hurt to ever come to her, and I wanted to destroy the cause of any pain that she felt. I wanted to ensure her happiness.
Bloody hell, I really didn't know what I wanted. I only knew I wanted her. I stared at the mirror.
"Do go get a brush and fix your hair dear, and wash it while you're at it."
With a growl I punched the mirror and smashed it to a hundred pieces. I ignored the fact that it pieced itself back together.
"My, touchy aren't we."
Damn magickal mirrors...
***
"He's a fool Hermione. Don't let him get you down, love."
"But its Vince all over again. Why does this always happen to me?" I sobbed into his shirt as he held me close. "I have the worst taste in men!"
"Honey I'm hurt. Am I really that bad."
Half-heartedly I giggled into his shirt. Good old Alex. He always knew how to make me laugh even at the most dreadful of times.
"Bloody Egocentric prat."
"Hey, hey, hey, watch it now Miss Priss."
"Sorry Alexander. Its just..." I sighed.
"I know love, but it will be okay. I promise."
"Or so you say."
"Honey I can go beat him up for you? Will that help."
"Alex! Honestly! The man would have you hexed into pieces small enough to fit into a thimble before you even raise your wand."
"Not feeling the love, Mione."
"Tough Shit."
He grinned from ear to ear. "That's my girl."
"Ohh Alex, what am I going to do."
"Mione, not every guy is like Vince. Trust in him I think he'll come around. Especially when I introduce everyone to my fiancé."
"WHAT!"
"Just kidding, love. But I do have a steady girl. She's an angel. If she's around I'll have to introduce the two of you. And I promise you can play the part of over protective big sister from hell."
Puppy dog eyes... "Promise."
"Promise."
We laughed together. Maybe he was right. Maybe things would all work out in then end. I couldn't wait until this all sorted itself. I couldn't afford to loose somebody else that I cared about. I had already lost too many people dear to me. One more would break my heart. And this time I was afraid that it would not mend.