Hello all. Okay, for starters, I had a sudden idea for a scene in this chapter while I was smack in the middle of watching "The Nana." The ending to the episode kinda ruined my idea, but after the advice of Molly, God bless her, I am going along with the idea and that would make this story kind of AU, but it kinda is already so, let's just ignore that. Okay? For the sake of this story, let's pretend that the Nana left without intending to get treatment and Seth was diagnosed right after and she had to come back. Thank you for your support, and I own nothing, sadly, I am just using poor Seth Cohen for literary purposes.

By the way, this is Ryan's pov.

It would be very un-manly of me to explain the sheer joy I felt when I walked into Seth's room that afternoon and saw him and Summer curled up on the bed, spooning. Summer had her arms wrapped around him in a very protective way. Her head was resting on his shoulder, her tear-streaked face turned towards the TV.

"Hey Sum-"

"Shhhhh!" She held a finger to her lips, never taking her eyes off of the TV.

I looked up to see what was so interesting. "What are you watching?" I whispered.

She waited for a second while the movie ended and the credits started rolling. Then she looked at me and wiped her eyes. "Jerry Maguire. Cohen made me watch it. It was so great!"

I nodded. Never saw Jerry Maguire. I wasn't ever really into movies. I mean, I like them, but not like Seth. He had the most extensive DVD collection of anyone I've ever met in my life. He claims his favorite filmmakers are Cameron Crowe and John Hughes. He made me watch Almost Famous, but I fell asleep halfway through it. It had good music, though.

"So…I guess…things went well?" I gave Summer a sideways glance.

Summer looked down at Seth and rubbed her fingers along his flushed cheeks. "I don't know why he did it, but he forgave me." She sighed. "Only, he acted like there was nothing to forgive."

Summer looked up at me and she smiled a little. "He just kissed me, and we watched a movie together, and then he fell asleep in my arms. It was perfect."

She gazed back down at Seth lovingly, and I found myself smiling. I guess even Summer was full of surprises.

I shifted from foot to foot. My shame for what I almost did to Summer was nagging at me even then, and something pushed at me to apologize. "Look, Summer, about…um…what I-"

"He kinda looks cute with no hair, don't you think?" Summer interrupted, her eyes never leaving Seth's face. I stared at her. Wow, I thought, random.

"I mean, not really; he has the cutest hair ever. It's so curly and crazy, it's just precious! But he still looks cute, no matter what his head looks like."

I had a brief moment of my mind frolicking in the gutter at her last comment, but I even saw her scrunch up her nose at the ability to misinterpret her words, so I didn't own up to any immaturity.

"Yea," I said slowly. "Okay. Anyway, I just wanted to say-"

"Do they have good food in the cafeteria today? I am suddenly craving some macaroni and cheese!" Summer finally looked at me; whether she noticed my utterly confused expression, she didn't show it. She was so rudely interrupting me every time I tried to start apologizing.

Then it hit me.

She didn't want me to. I recognized the same pleading look in her eyes that Seth gave me when he was silently begging me not to break down in front of him. I didn't understand it; I didn't know why Summer wouldn't want to suck up any pride I had by listening to me apologize.

But I didn't push. My guilty conscious needed me to apologize, but Summer was having none of it. So I shrugged my shoulders and said, "I don't know. I haven't been down there to check. But, if you want some company…"

Summer shook her head. "Nah, that's alright. I could use some alone time. But I'll come back later."

Summer shook Seth's shoulder and whispered, "Seth? Seth, baby, wake up."

Seth's eyes slowly fluttered half-way open, and he stuck out his lower lip and moaned. "Mmmmmmm. I was having happy dreams."

Summer giggled and playfully pinched his nose. "Aw. Sorry, sweetie. I'm going to get something to eat and I didn't want you to wake up and wonder where I went."

My stomach fluttered at Summer's insight. I knew that it would worry Seth if he woke up and Summer had left. I watched as Summer kissed him softly on the cheek and crawled over him and out of the bed. When she was walking away, she gave a small wave, smiling, and said, "I love you."

I looked at Seth with wide eyes and saw the same shocked expression on his face. Then he grinned in that goofy half-smile he has and said, "I love you too."

I smiled and looked down, a little worried about intruding on their moment (obviously the first time the sacred three words had been uttered to each other), but only a little. After Summer had exited the room, I looked at Seth with raised eyebrows, though still smiling. He was still grinning stupidly when he glanced up at me.

"She loves me."

"So I've heard." I flopped down on the side of the bed and leaned back onto Seth's legs. I pulled the bag of gummy bears out of my pants pocket and chewed on one. I held the bag out to Seth, offering him one. He shook his head, still smiling.

"Gummy bears. How manly."

"Yep. Very macho."

We sat in comfortable silence for a moment, while I chewed on gummy bears and he stared at the ceiling. I glanced at him a couple times, seeing him struggle to stay awake. I was no longer paralyzed with uncontrollable fear that I might lose him, but a little bit still nagged at the bottom of my stomach, waiting for something terrible to happen.

I took a deep breath. "How are you doing? I mean, really?"

Seth looked like he was thinking for a moment, trying to find the right words. I waited for him to say what I knew he wanted to say; that he was scared, and tired, and that he wasn't sure that he was going to get better. He opened his mouth, but he didn't get a chance to say anything, because we were interrupted by a loud, high, distinctly New York voice.

"Setheleh!"

I saw Seth's eyes light up as he cried, "Nana!" and held out his arms. I turned around and saw The Nana being escorted into the room by Sandy and immediately rushing to Seth's bedside. I stumbled out of the vibrant Jewish lady's way as she enveloped Seth into a hug. I glanced at Sandy and he was smirking, though I noticed he looked very tired. I could understand. Between dealing with work, Seth, and most of all, making sure Kirsten didn't fall to pieces, he was about to collapse under the pressure of it all. Add in a highly judgemental and neurotic mother and you were bound to feel a little slack.

"How are you, doll?" The Nana questioned as she gripped Seth's face in her hands. He was smiling a little awkwardly, and he shrugged.

"I'm okay."

An unexpected silence fell over us, and I saw Seth lower his eyes. Nana tilted her head and gazed at him, and her eyes glazed a little. Sandy's hand went up to scratch his head, and he turned and nervously looked at the wallpaper.

Seth looked up at his grandmother earnestly. "How are you doing, Nana?"

She smiled a little and rubbed her thumb over Seth's cheek. "I'm doing fine, sweetie."

I was a little surprised when Seth dove right into his subtle meddling, taking full advantage of his own vulnerability. "So have you thought about the chemo anymore?"

The Nana froze, my eyes grew wide, and I'm pretty sure I heard Sandy snort out loud. The Nana kept her smile in place and said, "Let's not talk about me right now. How are they treating you in here? The food any good?"

Seth shrugged, accepting that he was going to get no answers out of his stubborn grandmother, and said, "It's alright. The horse hooves taste pretty spiffy, but I'm a big fan of the monkey turds."

Before I could catch myself, I had said, "Seth, don't say 'turd.'" I saw Sandy smile as I blushed. I was turning into Seth's mother.

The Nana laughed. "I see your wit has survived unscathed."

Seth raised a finger in the air. "Ah! But I believe it has improved. You wouldn't believe what cancer can do for a person's sarcasm."

Seth laughed, and his grandmother followed suite. I glanced around at my family when I felt my stomach growl. I blushed when the other three occupants in the room looked at me with smiles on their faces, obviously hearing it too.

"God, man, what did you eat?" Seth asked with a laugh

"It appears, son, that he hasn't eaten anything. Ryan, why don't you go get something from the cafeteria?"

I looked around hesitantly, my eyes inevitably locking with Seth's. His rolled and he said, "Go on, Mom. Nana and Dad can keep me entertained while you nourish yourself."

I smiled and nodded. "Okay. I'll-"

"'Be right back.' Yes! Now go! I'm getting sick of looking at your tired ass! Be away, haggard creature!"

I exited the room, grinning as I heard The Nana say, "Setheleh, don't say 'ass' in front of your father."

Ah, food. Despite the fact that it was hospital cafeteria food, my stomach welcomed anything. Kirsten told me one day that if I didn't start eating food that wasn't made within the walls of the hospital then I may just join Seth in the hospital with food poisoning, or some rare Ethiopian disease, or something.

I felt absolutely horrible for Sandy. I never really made the connection, but I realized that Sandy's mother was already dying of cancer, and now he runs the risk of losing his son to it. It must be really frustrating, particularly since his hard-headed mother isn't even attempting to fight it. I can only imagine how Seth must feel knowing his grandmother wasn't brave enough to battle something that he faced head-on.

I shuffled quietly into Seth's room about an hour after I was shooed out, my belly now full and silent. There was always the chance that Seth was asleep, like now. Sandy was sitting in the chair by the bed, staring at him as he slept. He was curled up into a ball with his hand under his head, the other hand barely keeping itself out of sucking distance. I grinned at the sight, until I caught the look on Sandy's tear-streaked face.

He was just staring, heartbroken. I couldn't believe that Sandy was crying openly where anyone could see him. I hesitantly walked over and put my hand on his shoulder. He didn't move for a moment; he just stared at his sleeping son and cried.

I swallowed the quickly forming lump in my throat before he finally spoke.

"He's bald."

I scrunched my eyebrows. "Yea…" I began slowly. Yea, one could tell that Seth's hair was long gone.

Sandy finally looked at me. He smiled a little and laughed. "I love his hair. It's so curly and wild." He looked at Seth and his grin grew in width. "It suits him, doesn't it?"

I nodded. Hell yea it did.

Sandy put his hand to his mouth, then shakily placed it on Seth's hairless head. He stroked it a few times, then drew his hand away and put it back in his lap. He looked up at me and this time he smiled sadly.

"It just doesn't feel right anymore."

I glanced at Seth, remembering the times he would run his hand over his son's head, and the time he did it to me while I was just outside of conciousness. Sandy's own tool for comfort only now reminded him of the horrible circumstances he was facing.

Without warning, Sandy broke down into tears. I stood, shocked, unmoving. He didn't even bother to cover his face, he just cried terrible, gut-wrenching sobs that tore at your insides. I saw Seth stir, and I was frightened he would wake up in the middle of it, but there was nothing I could do.

After his cries died down a little, I moved between Sandy and the bed, placing my hand on top of his head. I smiled and said, "Does this make you feel better?"

He finally laughed through the tears on his face and said, "Yea, I think I needed that some, too."

We laughed. He glanced at Seth again before he said, "Kirsten and I are going to meet with Seth's doctor this afternoon. He would like to speak with the family. He said there's nothing to be worried about, he just wants to talk to us," he added before I started panicking.

I nodded, and sat down on the edge of the bed next to Seth. "Okay. I think I can keep our little fireball here entertained while you're talking with the doctor," I said and patted Seth on the arm fairly hard. He barely moved.

Sandy stared at me intensely. "He would like to speak with the whole family."

I understood him, and smiled. "Thanks, Sandy."

"No problem, son."

Kirsten was going to kill me. I knew she would smell the smoke lingering on me when I saw her again. She seems to pick up on everything, in that motherly way one expects her to. But I couldn't take it anymore. Sandy's breakdown coupled with the constant worry just became too much for me and I managed to bum a cigarette off some guy I found sitting in the waiting room of the maternity ward and made my way outside the entrance to the hospital.

I stepped outside onto the sidewalk and stuck the cigarette in my mouth. I stopped when I realized what a moron I was: I didn't have a lighter.

Shit.

I scrambled around feebly in my pocket, knowing full well that I didn't have one. Yeah, this was definitely how things would work for me today. I ran my hand through my hair, realizing that I was shaking. I looked up and slowly my eyes came to rest on a wild patch of dark curly hair, standing alone in the shade, smoking a cigarette.

I recognized The Nana immediately and made my way over to her. I walked slowly, unsure of whether I should let her see me with a cigarette in my mouth. The rebellious spirit in me felt the need to challenge her hypocrisy.

I quietly made my way to stand next to her. She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye, and a half smile tugged at her lips. She let out her breath in a sort of laugh.

I looked at her sideways. "You got a light?"

The Nana raised her eyebrows. "You shouldn't smoke. Those things'll kill ya," she said, while pulling out her bright green lighter anyways.

"Um-Hm," I murmured, taking the lighter and lighting my cigarette. I took one long drag, and felt much of the tension leave my body. I closed my eyes as I exhaled and I heard the Nana snicker.

"You and me both, big guy."

We stood for a moment in silence, both of us puffing on our cigarettes, our minds elsewhere. I suddenly felt very close to this woman. We were very different, but we shared a common concern, and a common weakness.

My eyes drifted to a pregnant woman walking along the sidewalk, holding hands with a little boy I could only assume was her son. He was smiling, his eyes twinkling as he looked up at the woman's belly. He was probably going to be a big brother, and he knew that he was going to have to protect the baby. He would have to look out for it, teach it things about life.

"Get the dork out of fights," I accidently said out loud before chuckling and turning red.

The Nana looked at me with eyebrows scrunched. "Pardon?"

I shook my head, still grinning. "Nothing."

She nodded halfway, confused. The she looked back out at the street, cigarette still in hand.

I glanced at her. She looked nervous. She flicked her ashes on the ground then cleared her throat and said, "How, uh…Well, you know Seth pretty well, right? He tells you things that he doesn't tell anyone?"

I nodded slowly. "Yea…I mean, he's my best friend, and I know he doesn't have many. Seth doesn't really keep secrets, you know?"

The Nana nodded. "But you do, don't you?"

She looked at me, and I looked down at the ground. I nodded.

She said, "I know. I can tell. I know the type. I've seen many people like you. You're so much like Sandy."

I stopped. I shook my head. I wasn't like Sandy. He was open and honest with himself. I always hiding from things, and people. "What are you talking about? Sandy's-"

"Nothing but a scared little boy hiding under bravado. Trust me Ryan, Sandy's had a lot to get through to be where he is today. Why do you think he felt like he had to help you so badly? He's been you."

I looked The Nana in the eyes; this hard, tough woman and saw the regret.

My eyes dropped back down to the ground. "So…," I started, uncomfortable with the intensity of our conversation. "Did you want to know something… specific, about Seth?"

She took a drag off her cigarette, then exhaled. "Yea. I was wondering, exactly, how he's doing. He must confide in you, even though he tells everyone else he's doing fine."

"Well, you know, it hurts. He's sick all the time, and-"

"Ryan."

I looked at the woman next to me. Without even opening her mouth, I knew she was saying, "You know what I mean."

"He's hanging in there. But I think he's getting tired, and worn down."

The Nana shook her head. "The treatment is a terrible thing. I can tear a person apart. But you have to make sure he understands that he has to do this, that he has to keep going to get better. Okay?"

She looked at me desperately, and I glanced at the cigarette in her hand. I looked the intimidating woman in the eyes and let the words flow from my head.

"Seth's fighting. Hard, with everything he's got. Why won't you?"

The Nana said nothing. I turned around after a moment, glancing at the cigarette I was holding, slowly burning itself away. I tossed it to the ground, and ground it in with my toe, suddenly disgusted with myself. I turned and left, leaving The Nana standing still, unmoving.

My body refused to move inside the door. I paused, my hand hovering about the handle, shaking. I was shaken from head to toe from the meeting with Seth's doctor. Sandy and Kirsten had reassured me that it was okay, that it didn't matter, that they would find someone else. That it was okay that it wasn't me.

I didn't care.

I wanted it to be me.

I heard a small whimpering noise coming from inside the room, so I threw the door open in a panic. I froze when I found the bed empty. I moved closer to the bed and heard a small, tentative, "Ryan?"

I looked over the edge of the bed, and huddled in the small space between the bed and the wall, was Seth.

His knees were pulled up to his chest, and his arms were wrapped around his ankles. Tears were streaming in a steady flow down his face. His eyes were red and swollen, and his nose was a humorous shade of red.

I rushed to the other side of the bed, and kneeled next to him. "Seth? What happened?"

"Nothing." He sniffled. Then he looked at me with the largest, most painful eyes I have ever seen. "I'm just so tired. So tired." He shook his head and rested it on his knees.

I didn't know exactly what to do, so I placed my hand on his shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. "I know."

After a minute, and his tears died down, he looked at me and asked, "So what've you been up to? I heard you guys met with the Doc."

I nodded, the familiar lump forming in my throat. "Yea, I didn't pay much attention, really. I think they're looking into a bone marrow transplant."

Seth scrunched his nose. "Ew."

I nodded. I wasn't being completely honest. The meeting was pretty much a fog. All I could really recall was the mention of the transplant, then the doctor looking straight at me, and my stomach falling to the floor when he spoke:

"Siblings make the best candidates for these transplants. I think you might be able to help."

I remember the hopeful look on the doctor's face, and the nervous look on Sandy and Kirsten's faces. I remember the choking sound that came out the first time I tried to say "I'm not his brother. Not really."

"Ryan?"

"Yea?" I pushed the thoughts to the back of my brain, only to have them shoot forward again. I shook my head, then I looked at Seth and saw the tears fall once again.

"Seth? What's the matter?"

"I'm not going to get better, am I?"

It was desperate, defeated, and yet, hopeful. I felt my eyes itch, but I held back. I couldn't say anything; I stared in the eyes of the boy sitting next to me, who seemed so small and young in that moment.

"Am I?" he practically screamed, startling me.

I opened my mouth, and choked before I said, "Yes, of course you are."

Seth stared at me, then lowered his head to his knees and sobbed. I sat there helpless, unsure of what I could possibly do to comfort him. I finally draped an arm across his shoulder feebly. Seth shocked me more than anything when he fell into my arms and, strangely, began moving closer. I almost pinched myself when he crawled his lanky self into my lap.

I just sat there, startled for a moment, with a young man taller than myself curled up in my lap with his arms desperately clinging to me, his fists tangled into the back of my shirt. Had Luke been here, he would have been beside himself with homophobia.

Before I could come up with something, ANYTHING, to say or do, he said into my shoulder, "I love you. I'm not gay, but I think I love you more than Summer, and maybe even my mom and dad. You're my brother, definitely. No boundaries, no technicalities, you're my brother."

It was like he knew what had happened in the doctor's office, though I knew he didn't. It was like he could feel what hurt inside of me. My arms stretched around his thin frame and my tears found their way to my eyes. I had never had someone tell me they loved me more than anything. Never.

"Tell me I'm going to be okay. Please, tell me I'll be okay," he sobbed.

I squeezed Seth tighter, pulling him closer than I'd ever held anyone. The words didn't come, I couldn't speak.

"Promise me!" he screamed at me.

Unharnessed and painful fear lanced through me, and I could say nothing. I didn't have any answers, and I knew that my little brother, though he was fighting, didn't have much hope.

Except for mine.

Behind my eyelids, film played in my mind. Of unruly hair, a face being buried in the sand. A hug, unexpected and warm. A Playstation controller, handed over casually, without question. A slice of pizza shared between two heartbroken brothers. A thousand smiles, thank-you's for a friend, which was all he really needed.

"I promise."

I hoped that the little boy got a baby brother.

Phew! Soooooo sorry for taking so long with this chapter. It was hard, and I'm not sure I'm happy with it, but I figured you guys would kill me if I took much longer. I'm so sorry. Well, one more chapter to go. You'll find out what happens to Seth and co., and I hope you like it and it. Thank you for being patient with me and helping me complete my first multi-chapter story. Thanks again!