Authors Note- Hey, I'm not sure if this will be the last part to this fic or not. I don't even really like this chapter, but I am posting it anyways. Thanks for all the reviews I have really enjoyed reading them, and I'm glad people have enjoyed the story this far. If you think I should keep going just tell me, and I'll probably keep going.

Disclaimer- The song is not mine, its Lonestars Smile. Great song. And ER isn't mine... you know the drill.

I still remember the night we met
You said you loved my smile

But your love for me was like a summer breeze
Oh, it lasted for a while

I could hold on a little tighter I know
But when you love someone you gotta let 'em go so

She pulls herself away emotionally. Builds up the walls brick by brick, little by little. He knows by the end of the night, there will be no hope for him. His fingers trace along her arm, she shudders, but he can't stop. He won't. Slowly he'll show her what they could have been. What they can be. Her guard stays up, a strong front for the weak interior that is falling through right now. Oh Abby. He tries to pull her closer, the resistance is too much for him. He loves her... He knows she loves him, why can't they be together? Words muddle his brain, forming puddles that splash all around making no sense, he tries to sort through each one separately but there just isn't enough time. When he thinks he has a grip, something causes a ripple.

"You don't mean that." He's not sure if he is saying it for her or for himself. Reassurance. Her bottom lip finds its way under her top tooth, kneading it carefully she looks at him. Her eyes full of hidden pain and emotion, this one day they come out, shine for him. Yet he feels nothing but emptiness. A hole where her love should be, a hole he wants her to fill.

She takes a deep breath, air rips through her lungs, pain dives through her veins. But its nothing compared to what she is feeling right now. The rain simmers down the window, streaking the glass. Her eyes stay glued, mesmerized by each tiny raindrop, anything is better than what she is feeling. His fingers find her again. She wants to yell at him, scream, kick, punch, anything... anything at all. Just leave, please leave. Don't make her fall in love again, she can do things she never thought she could, now. This year has been the one that changed her completely. He was the reason this happened, instigator. One thing she can never do, love him. Her soul aches, her heart breaks, every moment away from him caused too much pain. He tore through her like a knife through flesh, each trickle of blood represents her pain. He did that.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise? cause I could really use something to hang on to right now." He nodded his words, silently vowing that no matter what, he will be the figure to stand by her. Love her. Support her.

Broken. That's all promises were, why she believed it she never knew. The romance slowly fluttered away, a butterfly flapping its wings in the breeze soon to disappear. No matter how fast she chased that butterfly, her feet controlling her mind, she could not catch up.

I'm gonna smile, cause I want to make you happy
Laugh, so you can't see me cry

I'm gonna let you go in style

And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile

Her face set in a cold stony manner. He wants to touch her soul, reach through the wires, the brick wall, show her how great love can be. He had that chance.

"Abby... I love you. Not for anything but who you are, you. You are perfect. Perfect." He repeats the words, his voice straining to keep up with his emotions. Listen, please god, let her listen. His voice fills her ears... Perfect is an illusion a fairy tale, nothing that she could ever be. Each flaw becomes a bit more frayed at the end of each day, creating a new flaw, no matter how small it may be, it's still there. Her imperfections growing by the hour. His fingers play with strands of her hair.

"Stop." Weakly, barely there, yet loud as a drum. "Please. Don't. Just, just go. Go John." He can't believe what he's hearing, no. He won't leave. He's heard the words before, they've echoed throughout his soul, wiping away any though or hope... A single tear falls down her cheek, her eyes soaked with emotion, her cheeks burn from the salt.

"I can't do that. I can never do that." Don't do it. He pleas with her, repeating her last sentence would kill him. Her feet slowly back her up, each wall higher than they were a few hours ago. He watches as his life is torn from his fingers. Each moment they shared together, making love, laughing, fighting, slowly being forced apart, each second runs through his mind, emotions swarm him. Never will life be the same, not without her, maybe not with her.

"You have to." Her fingers pluck another cigarette, rolling it in between her fingers. "I'm sorry." Her voice laden with tears, she's not sure if he realises what she's saying. "I- I'm sorry I wrecked us. Some day's I'm sorry there was an us... Tonight, I'm just sorry that I didn't give you the chance... give us the chance."

"We still have that chance." Hope. He needs hope. The room spins, with each breath takes his world is lifted a little higher out of his reach, teasing him... He wants her, a little more each day than he did the day before. He's overwhelmed with emotion.

"No." She pushes her hands against his chest, feeling him one last time, his texture on his finger tips, embedded in her memory. The way he takes each breath so carefully, as if it could be his last. She wants to be that way, she admired that about him, the way he wanted everything out of life, he wanted it all at once. She could never see that. Now she wishes she had. "I can't be with you... I'm sorry John."

Kiss me once for the good times, baby
Kiss me twice for goodbye

You can't help how you don't feel
And it doesn't matter why

Give me a chance to bow out gracefully
'Cause that's how I want you to remember me

Their fingers intertwine gently, each taking one last time to feel skin against skin, the closest contact they've had in months. The moment ends much too soon. His arms find her waist, her head against his chest. One last moment, one last time. She can be in his arms, she can feel him pressed against her. Her nails dig into him, he relishes in the moment. He knows it will probably be their last, he tries to extend it, but that's impossible.

Please don't do this Abby... Don't do this to me.

For a second she is on her toes, his head bows down to hers, their breath dances together, mingling for a minute, before he tilts his head to meet her lips. His tongue slides alone her lip gently, before finding it's way back into its trap. Her teeth bite down on his lip, before pulling away. His taste invades her, the way she remembered. Exactly the way she remembered. She lets her fingers trail down his chest, before resting her feet on the ground. She releases his, but he's not quite as eager to let go. His arms stay around her for a second longer, his head down to her ear.

"I really love you Abby." Her head bows slowly, she wants to forget those words forever, but now she knows they will echo in her mind for years.

Thanks a lot Carter, wreck my fucking life what don't you.

She'll never be the same without him, he stole a piece of her. She did the same to him, forever they will have a bond, not even time will be able to fade. Years from now she will look back at him, remember his smile, his taste, his scent... His everything.

His feet his the ground, releasing her, immediately she's cold. He pads to the door, his heart dropping to the bottom of his soul, its final. They're final, no more dreaming, hoping. It will do no good, it hasn't to this point. He wishes he could erase this feeling, he knows he never will be able too. How one single person managed to control his every thought is beyond him, but he wouldn't change it, he wouldn't change anything about her.

"I love you, John Carter."

I'm gonna smile so you can find the courage
Laugh, so you won't see me hurtin'

I'm gonna let you go in style

And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile