A/N:
*EVIL writer grin* mwahahaha! It ain't over til the fat lady sings....so somebody duct tape that portraits mouth! Heres a little much belated background info on Hermione's past!
******
Even Dreams Lie
By Akasha Ravensong
******
Chapter Nineteen: Losses
I lay in bed staring up at the enchanted ceiling and thought about tings that I usually kept locked away in my mind. Things that were better off forgotten, but were none the less an important part of me. I thought of people who I had lost, and of the people that I had met over the years.
All through my years as a student I had never been really truly popular, or well liked, until Harry and Ron befriended me. Then things started to go right for a while. We grew apart over the years though, and while we were still the best of friends we weren't all that close anymore.
Ginny was the only one who had remained constant throughout the years. She stood by me and we made fun of her brothers and their stupidity often. It was fun having a girl to talk to. Having two boys for best friends left a little room for want. I became more of an honorary member of the Weasly clan the closer we became. I was a sister and a daughter to the lot of them.
Fred had died in the final battle, leaving his twin devastated and only a shadow of his former self. George and I had grown closer over the years too. He ran the joke shop all by himself but I know it just wasn't the same for him. His smiles and his laughter were forced or faked most of the time, just a show so that his family wouldn't get worried.
George leaned on me for a while and I suspect he fancied me a bit but it wasn't meant to be. Eventually he wandered off and found himself a girl. I believe he married her and has two kids, a set of twins that are as much of a terror as he and his brother once were. I was happy for him. But we didn't really talk anymore except during the occasional family get together that I had attended since my student days.
And then there was Ron. Ron had asked me to go out with him, and for a while things were good. But eventually we started fighting and it just wouldn't work. Ron refused to see that our relationship was hopeless and he asked me to marry him. I had to refuse. For a while he wouldn't talk to me o even look at me but we became friends again, though never in the same way. Then Ron found a girl that he loved with all his heard. But she was murdered in the aftermath of Voldemort's second reign of terror.
Ron had been hit with so many curses during the years and dealt with so much pain that he ended up in Saint Mungos shortly after the final battle. He suffered a severe nervous and emotional breakdown. Then he found out about his fiancé's death and he fell apart at the seems. Some days he was all there, but they were few and far between. Mostly, I think he just put on the show of being mentally unstable so that nobody would bother him. He his behind that mask as I had hid behind mine.
Harry had never been the same either. I didn't talk to him anymore. I didn't know if he had found himself at last or if he had just faded into barely existing, retreating into his own little world as Ron had done. We had all lost so much that it had taken its toll in many ways.
So I had left the world I had known behind and set of into a world that dwelled in the past, ironically, just as I wished I could. I set out on archeological digs, starting in Egypt with Bill, because he was somebody that I knew and got along with well. That was where I met Vince for the first time. He was the first guy that I had ever been truly serious about. The first guy that I truly let in.
But I only let him in to find that he would destroy me. He wanted me to be something that I was not. He tried to control me and I was never one to be controlled. He wormed his way into my affections like a disease. And I became his for a while. I was controlled by this man because I so desperately needed to be loved.
He toyed with my mind and destroyed my self confidence. And when he had a hold on my mind he developed a hold on my body too. He told me he loved me and if I loved him back I would let him make me his in every way. I should let him have sex with me. And I did love him, and I did want to explore that part of love, but I wasn't quite ready for that level of commitment. But I was emotionally a disaster at the time, and his cajoling eventually won me over.
He ruined me. He used me. I was nothing more then a toy for him to play with and a hole for him to unleash his passion into. I was a fuck toy. Nothing more. Eventually I realized how much he was damaging me and I walked away. It was the hardest thing I ever did. But one did not walk away from such a relationship without scars. And I had plenty of scars.
Without Alex and a few other close friends at the time I would never have been able to recover and become myself again. Alex knew me inside and out, and he was the best friend that a girl could ever ask for. We entertained the idea of becoming more then friends, but never acted on it. He was nothing more then a good friend and would never be anything more.
I rolled over and closed my eyes. I needed sleep. The night was already long enough. I didn't need to greet every hour this way. Fiona jumped up on the bed and curled up next to me. Her purr lulled me to sleep.
*EVIL writer grin* mwahahaha! It ain't over til the fat lady sings....so somebody duct tape that portraits mouth! Heres a little much belated background info on Hermione's past!
******
Even Dreams Lie
By Akasha Ravensong
******
Chapter Nineteen: Losses
I lay in bed staring up at the enchanted ceiling and thought about tings that I usually kept locked away in my mind. Things that were better off forgotten, but were none the less an important part of me. I thought of people who I had lost, and of the people that I had met over the years.
All through my years as a student I had never been really truly popular, or well liked, until Harry and Ron befriended me. Then things started to go right for a while. We grew apart over the years though, and while we were still the best of friends we weren't all that close anymore.
Ginny was the only one who had remained constant throughout the years. She stood by me and we made fun of her brothers and their stupidity often. It was fun having a girl to talk to. Having two boys for best friends left a little room for want. I became more of an honorary member of the Weasly clan the closer we became. I was a sister and a daughter to the lot of them.
Fred had died in the final battle, leaving his twin devastated and only a shadow of his former self. George and I had grown closer over the years too. He ran the joke shop all by himself but I know it just wasn't the same for him. His smiles and his laughter were forced or faked most of the time, just a show so that his family wouldn't get worried.
George leaned on me for a while and I suspect he fancied me a bit but it wasn't meant to be. Eventually he wandered off and found himself a girl. I believe he married her and has two kids, a set of twins that are as much of a terror as he and his brother once were. I was happy for him. But we didn't really talk anymore except during the occasional family get together that I had attended since my student days.
And then there was Ron. Ron had asked me to go out with him, and for a while things were good. But eventually we started fighting and it just wouldn't work. Ron refused to see that our relationship was hopeless and he asked me to marry him. I had to refuse. For a while he wouldn't talk to me o even look at me but we became friends again, though never in the same way. Then Ron found a girl that he loved with all his heard. But she was murdered in the aftermath of Voldemort's second reign of terror.
Ron had been hit with so many curses during the years and dealt with so much pain that he ended up in Saint Mungos shortly after the final battle. He suffered a severe nervous and emotional breakdown. Then he found out about his fiancé's death and he fell apart at the seems. Some days he was all there, but they were few and far between. Mostly, I think he just put on the show of being mentally unstable so that nobody would bother him. He his behind that mask as I had hid behind mine.
Harry had never been the same either. I didn't talk to him anymore. I didn't know if he had found himself at last or if he had just faded into barely existing, retreating into his own little world as Ron had done. We had all lost so much that it had taken its toll in many ways.
So I had left the world I had known behind and set of into a world that dwelled in the past, ironically, just as I wished I could. I set out on archeological digs, starting in Egypt with Bill, because he was somebody that I knew and got along with well. That was where I met Vince for the first time. He was the first guy that I had ever been truly serious about. The first guy that I truly let in.
But I only let him in to find that he would destroy me. He wanted me to be something that I was not. He tried to control me and I was never one to be controlled. He wormed his way into my affections like a disease. And I became his for a while. I was controlled by this man because I so desperately needed to be loved.
He toyed with my mind and destroyed my self confidence. And when he had a hold on my mind he developed a hold on my body too. He told me he loved me and if I loved him back I would let him make me his in every way. I should let him have sex with me. And I did love him, and I did want to explore that part of love, but I wasn't quite ready for that level of commitment. But I was emotionally a disaster at the time, and his cajoling eventually won me over.
He ruined me. He used me. I was nothing more then a toy for him to play with and a hole for him to unleash his passion into. I was a fuck toy. Nothing more. Eventually I realized how much he was damaging me and I walked away. It was the hardest thing I ever did. But one did not walk away from such a relationship without scars. And I had plenty of scars.
Without Alex and a few other close friends at the time I would never have been able to recover and become myself again. Alex knew me inside and out, and he was the best friend that a girl could ever ask for. We entertained the idea of becoming more then friends, but never acted on it. He was nothing more then a good friend and would never be anything more.
I rolled over and closed my eyes. I needed sleep. The night was already long enough. I didn't need to greet every hour this way. Fiona jumped up on the bed and curled up next to me. Her purr lulled me to sleep.