Chapter 4: Nothing to Do/Miroku/Kuniicha
--------------------------------
As I ran throughout the streets, trying to get away from the pigs, I could feel something behind me, you know, aside from the ten cop cars behind me. I was suddenly pushed back into an alley without anyone touching me. My partner, Kuniicha, was there, holding up her gun. She had just gotten back from trying to get rid of the pigs on the Boss's trail. "I see you're in hot water…again," She said, in her cynical way, nothing different.
"Yeah, thanks for getting me out. Find anything out?" I asked.
"The Ghosts are back in town."
"How'd you get away?"
"I took the Jaguar. Oneechan had the Ferrari."
I waited, and then I heard a siren. "Hey, over there!" I heard a voice shout out. Kuniicha and I ran out of that godforsaken alley and went into the streets. She spotted the car and we jumped in.
"…Why did we decide to do this?" I asked Kuniicha.
"For the excitement, impact, and economic finances. Plus, the sudden bursts were turn-ons at the time. But, enough about that, did you get what we needed?" She asked, as she suddenly got more serious than before.
"Yeah, I got the ammo and some opium. A bit more opium than we needed." I replied, as I pulled out a pack of it from my pocket.
"Good," she said before she stopped the car. We stopped in front of a motel. The reason was unknown, but she pulled out a cigarette and started smoking. I knew what was on her mind then. She never smokes straight out without a reason. She turned off the car and put away the lighter. "…Come on, let's go. And bring the opium. Why let it go to waste if we have more than enough?" Kuniicha asked before she walked out of the car. I followed behind her and picked up the pack.
The next morning had to have been a day sent from hell. Our heads were pounding, and the Boss called us in. Whoopee. "Ahh…Miroku, Kuniicha, excellent work on the last job." Boss said. "As you know, Youkai Syndicate hardly rests…" he said as he was petting something (It was YLS in her dog form). "But, in your case, Miroku, you have the afternoon off." "Well…thank you." I said, a bit surprised. "What about Kuniicha?" "Well…her previous mishap was…a bit uncalled for. So, she will accompany Vash on a job…"
"What the fuck makes you so goddamn sure I won't run away?" She asked, as she tilted her head slightly from lying on the sofa. The Boss whistled and Vash ran in, and did the salute of Youkai, as I had the same when I walked in. Kuniicha didn't bother; she was busy resting on the sofa. "Yes, milord?" Vash asked very quickly.
"Kuniicha, c'mere a minute." Boss said.
Kuniicha walked over groggily obviously not too thrilled about her position. Something I wouldn't have thought of. Handcuffed. Kuniicha was handcuffed to Vash. The reason? Kuniicha was a loose cannon. She would shoot Vash if she were with him unattended. Oh, was I jealous? Hell, no! I knew how much Kuniicha hated Vash, so it wouldn't matter.
"…What the fuck is this bullshit?" She asked, saying it in her cynical way. "It's so you don't wander." Boss said. "Wolfwood's out with SesshouYasha, smuggling more guns and ammo. Miroku, you, on the other hand, have the day off. What do you plan to do?"
I was a bit confused myself…the Boss knew handcuffs couldn't keep Kuniicha from shooting him. Oh, well. "I plan to cook dinner tonight…" Boss, Kuniicha, and Vash coughed and turned their heads. YLS growled at me then hopped out of the room. Hey! My cooking may suck but practice makes perfect!
Anyways… Later that day, I was busy staring at my laptop screen. I set up my web cam and decided to do it in my and Kuniicha's room. Mihiroshi came up on her web cam, and we started to talk. "It's about time." She said angrily.
"Sorry, the Boss called me in." I explained.
"I told you and Kunii, all that…ahem, 'red, hot, burning passion' you love to call it…not appropriate in the mob."
"You do it, too."
"So? It's the mafia, big diff."
"I suppose so. What do you have so far?"
"Smuggled about ten pounds of opium." I stared at the screen for a bit and backed up.
"But…Mi? The scale only says 9 pounds." She wiped off her face. "That's a damn, dirty lie."
"…I didn't say anything."
"…Let's keep it that way. By the way, does my blouse look better collar open or closed?"
"Either one's fine. Hey, I have the day off, wanna go eat or something?" "Nah, I can't." She scratched her head and turned around. "Remember that red, hot, burning passion? Jin's here. Gotta go." She shut off her web cam. Shit, just my luck, I get a day off and I can't find anyone to deal with…I guess I had to start on dinner. I was busy. …Yeah, busy. I was chopping up an onion…too bad they weren't small pieces. In fact, they were only cut in quarters. Until…well, until Hiei came walking up to me. "It'll be a little easier if you aim for the onion next time." Hiei said in his cynical way. His cynicism was uncanny to Kuniicha's, I wonder if they were related at times. "Shouldn't you protect someone? Oh, wait, that's right, in your language, protect means shoot."
"Just shut-up and burn the food." He said as he got a soda from the fridge. About ten minutes later, I was stirring up the stew, when YLS walked in. She looked at the soup and then at me. "Are you sure you don't wanna add some, oh, I dunno…water to it?" YLS asked.
I lifted the ladle and in it were just potato chunks, carrot slices, and peapods. "Why?"
She sighed and poured water in the can, then dumped it in the soup. "It's not gonna make it's own gravy, ya know. Where's Oneesama?"
"She's out."
"Oh."
"With Vash."
"Hmm…what?! She'll kill him!!"
"Boss's idea. Finds it as her…punishment for last time. The whole cell phone thing leading to blowing that guys brains out with the gun and confusion."
"That's not fair but—uh-oh, Miroku, I gotta go."
"Why's that?"
"Oniichan wants me to take a bath again…hide me."
"Sorry, you gotta do it yourself."
Again, the soup was burned, the salad was salty, and the drinks were flat. Hey, I blame society!
Anyways, in a snap, it became midnight, and Kunii still wasn't here. I was as confused as Wolfwood at a Buddhist temple. If that offended you, you are that slow. I heard the door creak open. The Boss walked in and I jumped up. I did the salute of Youkai. He nodded and looked around the room. "…Is Tsukai here yet?" Boss asked, still looking.
"No, apparently she's held up." I answered. "If they don't get here soon, we can't discuss the next job. I don't suppose you've stayed here all day…have you?"
"No, I went out a while back."
He shrugged. "I guess I'll go give Yume the rest of her bath. The little…" Boss said as he walked away muttering under his breath. I sat back down and sighed. "If she doesn't get here soon, I'll need to ask Mihiroshi to return the favor…" I thought.
"Hey, Miroku?" I recognized the voice. It was InuYasha's. He barged in and sat at the computer desk. "So, she still isn't here?"
"No, not yet."
"You think she's killed Vash yet?"
"At this point it doesn't matter just so long as she gets here just fine. Think something's wrong?"
"Nah, don't worry about in. In the meantime…" Inuyasha pulled out a pack of opium and some sake and beer. "We'll just get drunk and high."
I jumped up quickly, "Where the hell'd you get that?"
"Heh, I went on my own mission today. Got a good haul. Three pounds, ain't ya proud of me?"
"…No, not at all." I sat back down and stared up at the ceiling. Inuyasha was silent and nearly stood up. "Hey…" I said finally.
"Yeah?" Inuyasha answered back.
"…Pass me a beer and some opium."
"I knew you couldn't refuse."
"Just shut up and throw me a beer."
It was about six in the morning. Inuyasha was asleep in he computer chair; I was still awake, head throbbing and pounding, and a nauseous feeling in my gut. As though that mattered, though. Inuyasha and I hadn't used all the opium and beer; there was still some left. We knew that afterwards we'd need to clean the shit up, but that didn't come up too quick.
"You bastard ass monkey!!" I could hear a yell from downstairs and, just my luck, it was Kunii. Apparently Vash was there, too. I ran to the window and stared for several moments. Both Vash and Kuniicha were standing there, facing off at each other, the handcuffs broken in two, as though they were bitten apart.
Kuniicha pulled out her katana, and Vash, his gun. Vash shot first. It hit the tree behind Kuniicha. It bounced off the tree, so I knew the bullets were rubber. "Man, close the window, my headaches…" Inuyasha said groggily like Kuniicha in the Boss's office.
I climbed out the window and jumped down. I could hear Inuyasha scream when I landed on the ground.
"Vash, you don't really think some cheap shots'll--" Kuniicha gloated, seconds before she got hit in the head by a donut. "What the hell, Vash?! Some cheesy…food shots?! Oh, I can do better!" Kuniicha pulled from her pockets two large maracas; she once hit Inuyasha in the head with them. She threw them at Vash's head and he fell down. I hadn't known how good she could throw, though. "See, ya punk bitch?! I will kick your ass!" Kuniicha gloated…again.
"Oh, yeah? Just you watch!" Vash said when he put his gun up. I didn't really think Vash would shoot, I looked behind me, and everyone else was standing up, watching. And, apparently, they didn't know the bullets were fake.
Oh, the big cut-up. Jaken ran in front of Kuniicha, trying to protect her. Oh, what a pitiful attempt that was. Thwack! Got his ass shot ten times. After kicking Jaken out of the way, Kuniicha drew her gun. I hadn't planned on that. So instead…I didn't just watch, I ran over towards her, trying to get her to put her gun down.
"Kuniicha, stop! His bullets are fake!" I tried to tell her.
"Bitch, but mine aren't! I'm gonna take this motha out once and for all!!" She yelled back, still holding her gun.
"Wait, you could get taken out of the mob! Then we'd have to kill you."
"…Why, you no-good bastard asshole." And just like that, she put her gun back in the holster.
"Fine. Vash?"
Vash held his head up, "Yeah?"
"…Watch your ass next time and bring real bullets. We'll see who's the real gunwoman here."
I don't know what happened…but I let my hand slip on purpose. Next thing you know, I had a blood red slap mark on both sides of my face. Same thing every damn day…
--------------------------------
As I ran throughout the streets, trying to get away from the pigs, I could feel something behind me, you know, aside from the ten cop cars behind me. I was suddenly pushed back into an alley without anyone touching me. My partner, Kuniicha, was there, holding up her gun. She had just gotten back from trying to get rid of the pigs on the Boss's trail. "I see you're in hot water…again," She said, in her cynical way, nothing different.
"Yeah, thanks for getting me out. Find anything out?" I asked.
"The Ghosts are back in town."
"How'd you get away?"
"I took the Jaguar. Oneechan had the Ferrari."
I waited, and then I heard a siren. "Hey, over there!" I heard a voice shout out. Kuniicha and I ran out of that godforsaken alley and went into the streets. She spotted the car and we jumped in.
"…Why did we decide to do this?" I asked Kuniicha.
"For the excitement, impact, and economic finances. Plus, the sudden bursts were turn-ons at the time. But, enough about that, did you get what we needed?" She asked, as she suddenly got more serious than before.
"Yeah, I got the ammo and some opium. A bit more opium than we needed." I replied, as I pulled out a pack of it from my pocket.
"Good," she said before she stopped the car. We stopped in front of a motel. The reason was unknown, but she pulled out a cigarette and started smoking. I knew what was on her mind then. She never smokes straight out without a reason. She turned off the car and put away the lighter. "…Come on, let's go. And bring the opium. Why let it go to waste if we have more than enough?" Kuniicha asked before she walked out of the car. I followed behind her and picked up the pack.
The next morning had to have been a day sent from hell. Our heads were pounding, and the Boss called us in. Whoopee. "Ahh…Miroku, Kuniicha, excellent work on the last job." Boss said. "As you know, Youkai Syndicate hardly rests…" he said as he was petting something (It was YLS in her dog form). "But, in your case, Miroku, you have the afternoon off." "Well…thank you." I said, a bit surprised. "What about Kuniicha?" "Well…her previous mishap was…a bit uncalled for. So, she will accompany Vash on a job…"
"What the fuck makes you so goddamn sure I won't run away?" She asked, as she tilted her head slightly from lying on the sofa. The Boss whistled and Vash ran in, and did the salute of Youkai, as I had the same when I walked in. Kuniicha didn't bother; she was busy resting on the sofa. "Yes, milord?" Vash asked very quickly.
"Kuniicha, c'mere a minute." Boss said.
Kuniicha walked over groggily obviously not too thrilled about her position. Something I wouldn't have thought of. Handcuffed. Kuniicha was handcuffed to Vash. The reason? Kuniicha was a loose cannon. She would shoot Vash if she were with him unattended. Oh, was I jealous? Hell, no! I knew how much Kuniicha hated Vash, so it wouldn't matter.
"…What the fuck is this bullshit?" She asked, saying it in her cynical way. "It's so you don't wander." Boss said. "Wolfwood's out with SesshouYasha, smuggling more guns and ammo. Miroku, you, on the other hand, have the day off. What do you plan to do?"
I was a bit confused myself…the Boss knew handcuffs couldn't keep Kuniicha from shooting him. Oh, well. "I plan to cook dinner tonight…" Boss, Kuniicha, and Vash coughed and turned their heads. YLS growled at me then hopped out of the room. Hey! My cooking may suck but practice makes perfect!
Anyways… Later that day, I was busy staring at my laptop screen. I set up my web cam and decided to do it in my and Kuniicha's room. Mihiroshi came up on her web cam, and we started to talk. "It's about time." She said angrily.
"Sorry, the Boss called me in." I explained.
"I told you and Kunii, all that…ahem, 'red, hot, burning passion' you love to call it…not appropriate in the mob."
"You do it, too."
"So? It's the mafia, big diff."
"I suppose so. What do you have so far?"
"Smuggled about ten pounds of opium." I stared at the screen for a bit and backed up.
"But…Mi? The scale only says 9 pounds." She wiped off her face. "That's a damn, dirty lie."
"…I didn't say anything."
"…Let's keep it that way. By the way, does my blouse look better collar open or closed?"
"Either one's fine. Hey, I have the day off, wanna go eat or something?" "Nah, I can't." She scratched her head and turned around. "Remember that red, hot, burning passion? Jin's here. Gotta go." She shut off her web cam. Shit, just my luck, I get a day off and I can't find anyone to deal with…I guess I had to start on dinner. I was busy. …Yeah, busy. I was chopping up an onion…too bad they weren't small pieces. In fact, they were only cut in quarters. Until…well, until Hiei came walking up to me. "It'll be a little easier if you aim for the onion next time." Hiei said in his cynical way. His cynicism was uncanny to Kuniicha's, I wonder if they were related at times. "Shouldn't you protect someone? Oh, wait, that's right, in your language, protect means shoot."
"Just shut-up and burn the food." He said as he got a soda from the fridge. About ten minutes later, I was stirring up the stew, when YLS walked in. She looked at the soup and then at me. "Are you sure you don't wanna add some, oh, I dunno…water to it?" YLS asked.
I lifted the ladle and in it were just potato chunks, carrot slices, and peapods. "Why?"
She sighed and poured water in the can, then dumped it in the soup. "It's not gonna make it's own gravy, ya know. Where's Oneesama?"
"She's out."
"Oh."
"With Vash."
"Hmm…what?! She'll kill him!!"
"Boss's idea. Finds it as her…punishment for last time. The whole cell phone thing leading to blowing that guys brains out with the gun and confusion."
"That's not fair but—uh-oh, Miroku, I gotta go."
"Why's that?"
"Oniichan wants me to take a bath again…hide me."
"Sorry, you gotta do it yourself."
Again, the soup was burned, the salad was salty, and the drinks were flat. Hey, I blame society!
Anyways, in a snap, it became midnight, and Kunii still wasn't here. I was as confused as Wolfwood at a Buddhist temple. If that offended you, you are that slow. I heard the door creak open. The Boss walked in and I jumped up. I did the salute of Youkai. He nodded and looked around the room. "…Is Tsukai here yet?" Boss asked, still looking.
"No, apparently she's held up." I answered. "If they don't get here soon, we can't discuss the next job. I don't suppose you've stayed here all day…have you?"
"No, I went out a while back."
He shrugged. "I guess I'll go give Yume the rest of her bath. The little…" Boss said as he walked away muttering under his breath. I sat back down and sighed. "If she doesn't get here soon, I'll need to ask Mihiroshi to return the favor…" I thought.
"Hey, Miroku?" I recognized the voice. It was InuYasha's. He barged in and sat at the computer desk. "So, she still isn't here?"
"No, not yet."
"You think she's killed Vash yet?"
"At this point it doesn't matter just so long as she gets here just fine. Think something's wrong?"
"Nah, don't worry about in. In the meantime…" Inuyasha pulled out a pack of opium and some sake and beer. "We'll just get drunk and high."
I jumped up quickly, "Where the hell'd you get that?"
"Heh, I went on my own mission today. Got a good haul. Three pounds, ain't ya proud of me?"
"…No, not at all." I sat back down and stared up at the ceiling. Inuyasha was silent and nearly stood up. "Hey…" I said finally.
"Yeah?" Inuyasha answered back.
"…Pass me a beer and some opium."
"I knew you couldn't refuse."
"Just shut up and throw me a beer."
It was about six in the morning. Inuyasha was asleep in he computer chair; I was still awake, head throbbing and pounding, and a nauseous feeling in my gut. As though that mattered, though. Inuyasha and I hadn't used all the opium and beer; there was still some left. We knew that afterwards we'd need to clean the shit up, but that didn't come up too quick.
"You bastard ass monkey!!" I could hear a yell from downstairs and, just my luck, it was Kunii. Apparently Vash was there, too. I ran to the window and stared for several moments. Both Vash and Kuniicha were standing there, facing off at each other, the handcuffs broken in two, as though they were bitten apart.
Kuniicha pulled out her katana, and Vash, his gun. Vash shot first. It hit the tree behind Kuniicha. It bounced off the tree, so I knew the bullets were rubber. "Man, close the window, my headaches…" Inuyasha said groggily like Kuniicha in the Boss's office.
I climbed out the window and jumped down. I could hear Inuyasha scream when I landed on the ground.
"Vash, you don't really think some cheap shots'll--" Kuniicha gloated, seconds before she got hit in the head by a donut. "What the hell, Vash?! Some cheesy…food shots?! Oh, I can do better!" Kuniicha pulled from her pockets two large maracas; she once hit Inuyasha in the head with them. She threw them at Vash's head and he fell down. I hadn't known how good she could throw, though. "See, ya punk bitch?! I will kick your ass!" Kuniicha gloated…again.
"Oh, yeah? Just you watch!" Vash said when he put his gun up. I didn't really think Vash would shoot, I looked behind me, and everyone else was standing up, watching. And, apparently, they didn't know the bullets were fake.
Oh, the big cut-up. Jaken ran in front of Kuniicha, trying to protect her. Oh, what a pitiful attempt that was. Thwack! Got his ass shot ten times. After kicking Jaken out of the way, Kuniicha drew her gun. I hadn't planned on that. So instead…I didn't just watch, I ran over towards her, trying to get her to put her gun down.
"Kuniicha, stop! His bullets are fake!" I tried to tell her.
"Bitch, but mine aren't! I'm gonna take this motha out once and for all!!" She yelled back, still holding her gun.
"Wait, you could get taken out of the mob! Then we'd have to kill you."
"…Why, you no-good bastard asshole." And just like that, she put her gun back in the holster.
"Fine. Vash?"
Vash held his head up, "Yeah?"
"…Watch your ass next time and bring real bullets. We'll see who's the real gunwoman here."
I don't know what happened…but I let my hand slip on purpose. Next thing you know, I had a blood red slap mark on both sides of my face. Same thing every damn day…