I'm baaaaaaaaaack!!! Evil laugh BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! Well, this is the second chapter, where my (innocent?) victim is Draco Malfoy. Draco fans be warned.
Pointless DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.
Chapter 2: Monkey Child
Draco Malfoy was sitting at a sofa in the Slytherin common room and thinking about how goddamn rich and sexy he was, when all of the sudden, someone knocks the door.
Draco:thinking What the hell? There's no fcking door here! And why are the bastards knocking, anyway? It's the middle of the night! Don't they know the password?
Draco:opens door, revealing his mom and dad in scuba diving suits (yes, scuba diving suits. It's my fcking fic and I can do whatever I want.)
Draco: Filthy rich Mom! Filthy rich Dad! What are you doing in here? It's Saturday! You're always counting your money on Saturdays!
Narcissa (Draco's mom, in case you don't know her by name): No, son, it's Sundays we do that! Saturday is Gloating-to-anyone-that-would-listen-how- filthy-rich-and-powerful-we-are day!
Lucius (you must be an idiot not to remember who this is. Try reading the Chamber of Secrets, or the Prisoner of Azkaban, or the Globet of Fire, or the Order of the Phoenix): Oh, yes! Gloating-to-anyone-that-would-listen- how-filthy-rich-and-powerful-we-are day! One of the best days of the week!
Narcissa: Not as good as muggle-and-mudblood-torturing Monday, dear!
Lucius: Why, yes, you're right...
Narcissa: laugh
Lucius: laugh
Random girl at background: laugh
Draco: But... What are you doing here filthy rich mom and dad?
Narcissa: Oh, son! We came here to tell you the truth!
Lucius: The horrible, shocking truth!
Draco: ....?
Narcissa: About your birth, son.
Lucius: You see, Draco, we're not your parents!
Draco: What-? But...?
Narcissa: You're adopted! Your real parents are monkeys, Draco.
Draco: WHAT!?!?!?!?!
Lucius: Monkeys, son. You see, Draco, we found you in a zoo, bought you for a knut, and raised you as our son!
Draco: WHAT!? Wait a minute.... A KNUT?!?! WHY!?
Narcissa: You see, Draco, dear, the monkeys didn't want you because of how bigheaded and arrogant you are!
Lucius: Not even your parents loved you, so they were going to feed you to the squirrels.
Draco: What? Squirrels...?
Lucius: Yes, son, squirrels.
Draco: But squirrels don't eat monkeys!
Lucius: darkly Oh, they do, son, they do. Sometimes... they even eat.... whisper socks....
Narcissa: covers her eyes in horror and cries NO! Not the socks!
Lucius: hugs wife to comfort her It's alright, dear... It won't happen again, now....
Draco: But wait.... This is bullsht! I can't be a fcking monkey!
Lucius: Oh, it's not bullsht, son! It makes perfect sense!
Draco: HOW!?
Lucius: Your tail, son...
Draco: What tail!? I DON'T HAVE A FCKING TAIL!
Lucius: Oh, yes you do, son. Look behind you...
Draco: looks back to see a monkey tail that was somehow unnoticed by everyone including himself for five books and three movies
Draco: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Draco fans: faint
Author: ............... eats sushi
Boy in background: It can't be!
Draco: But wait! It's not that bad! At least I'm filthy rich!
Lucius: Not anymore, son! We decided to sell you back to the zoo, so they can feed you to the squirrels, and we can get our knut back!
Narcissa: We can't stand you either!
Draco: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Lucius: Well, goodbye, son! We'll never see you again!
Narcissa: Oh, and we brought Potter and his friends over for no good reason and they heard everything so you must feel even MORE humiliated!
Draco: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......
Harry and friends: laugh
Draco: ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....
Music in background: It's Malfoy! Malfoy! The monkey kid that nobody likes!
Draco: .....OOOOOOOOOO.....
THE END! (Of chapter 2)
Readers: complain
Sakura: laughs
Author's note: Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy didn't tell Draco this, but his parents aren't ordinary monkeys, they're muggle monkeys! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Well, hope you liked the story; I personally liked it better than the first one. At least this one made me laugh a bit. If you liked it, send a review!..Or not. If you absolutely hated it, send a flame! See how I care! Sakura, signing out.
Pointless DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.
Chapter 2: Monkey Child
Draco Malfoy was sitting at a sofa in the Slytherin common room and thinking about how goddamn rich and sexy he was, when all of the sudden, someone knocks the door.
Draco:thinking What the hell? There's no fcking door here! And why are the bastards knocking, anyway? It's the middle of the night! Don't they know the password?
Draco:opens door, revealing his mom and dad in scuba diving suits (yes, scuba diving suits. It's my fcking fic and I can do whatever I want.)
Draco: Filthy rich Mom! Filthy rich Dad! What are you doing in here? It's Saturday! You're always counting your money on Saturdays!
Narcissa (Draco's mom, in case you don't know her by name): No, son, it's Sundays we do that! Saturday is Gloating-to-anyone-that-would-listen-how- filthy-rich-and-powerful-we-are day!
Lucius (you must be an idiot not to remember who this is. Try reading the Chamber of Secrets, or the Prisoner of Azkaban, or the Globet of Fire, or the Order of the Phoenix): Oh, yes! Gloating-to-anyone-that-would-listen- how-filthy-rich-and-powerful-we-are day! One of the best days of the week!
Narcissa: Not as good as muggle-and-mudblood-torturing Monday, dear!
Lucius: Why, yes, you're right...
Narcissa: laugh
Lucius: laugh
Random girl at background: laugh
Draco: But... What are you doing here filthy rich mom and dad?
Narcissa: Oh, son! We came here to tell you the truth!
Lucius: The horrible, shocking truth!
Draco: ....?
Narcissa: About your birth, son.
Lucius: You see, Draco, we're not your parents!
Draco: What-? But...?
Narcissa: You're adopted! Your real parents are monkeys, Draco.
Draco: WHAT!?!?!?!?!
Lucius: Monkeys, son. You see, Draco, we found you in a zoo, bought you for a knut, and raised you as our son!
Draco: WHAT!? Wait a minute.... A KNUT?!?! WHY!?
Narcissa: You see, Draco, dear, the monkeys didn't want you because of how bigheaded and arrogant you are!
Lucius: Not even your parents loved you, so they were going to feed you to the squirrels.
Draco: What? Squirrels...?
Lucius: Yes, son, squirrels.
Draco: But squirrels don't eat monkeys!
Lucius: darkly Oh, they do, son, they do. Sometimes... they even eat.... whisper socks....
Narcissa: covers her eyes in horror and cries NO! Not the socks!
Lucius: hugs wife to comfort her It's alright, dear... It won't happen again, now....
Draco: But wait.... This is bullsht! I can't be a fcking monkey!
Lucius: Oh, it's not bullsht, son! It makes perfect sense!
Draco: HOW!?
Lucius: Your tail, son...
Draco: What tail!? I DON'T HAVE A FCKING TAIL!
Lucius: Oh, yes you do, son. Look behind you...
Draco: looks back to see a monkey tail that was somehow unnoticed by everyone including himself for five books and three movies
Draco: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Draco fans: faint
Author: ............... eats sushi
Boy in background: It can't be!
Draco: But wait! It's not that bad! At least I'm filthy rich!
Lucius: Not anymore, son! We decided to sell you back to the zoo, so they can feed you to the squirrels, and we can get our knut back!
Narcissa: We can't stand you either!
Draco: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Lucius: Well, goodbye, son! We'll never see you again!
Narcissa: Oh, and we brought Potter and his friends over for no good reason and they heard everything so you must feel even MORE humiliated!
Draco: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......
Harry and friends: laugh
Draco: ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....
Music in background: It's Malfoy! Malfoy! The monkey kid that nobody likes!
Draco: .....OOOOOOOOOO.....
THE END! (Of chapter 2)
Readers: complain
Sakura: laughs
Author's note: Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy didn't tell Draco this, but his parents aren't ordinary monkeys, they're muggle monkeys! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Well, hope you liked the story; I personally liked it better than the first one. At least this one made me laugh a bit. If you liked it, send a review!..Or not. If you absolutely hated it, send a flame! See how I care! Sakura, signing out.