Shadows

A/N- Okay, anyone who was anxious for this chapter needs to fall down on their knees and worship RonandHerm4eva because she literally wrote nearly this entire chapter. I wrote about the first 800 words, after that though, completely her. She did an amazing job, and wrote the chapter better than I probably could.

So, once again, thanks Heather, for giving into my untimely laziness and making a seemingly boring chapter into something wonderful.

Chapter Twenty

Dazed

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to merely face yourself. It can be easier to confront any demon in the world other than the ones that haunt your mind. I had managed to put off my condition. My curse. Managed to ignore it as if that would make it go away. It wouldn't go away though, visions were coming more frequently…it was taking over me.

I was terrified of what would happen to me. Hermione's words were etched into my mind--it would drive me to madness. I had no clue as to how to escape it, it wasn't as if I could outrun it or beat it physically in any way…you can't beat yourself, and that's what it was, this thing was me, and it always had been.

It had been lurking inside of me since the day I was born. It had been there during my childhood, always protecting me from harm. I would always sense danger, I would know if something bad were going to happen. I would have dreams that would come true. It had all seemed like forgettable coincidences at the various times when they occurred…but now I knew. I knew that it was building up, preparing me to be whatever it was I was destined to be.

The night when I had found the silvery mist thing--as I so affectionately call it--in my backyard it was years of preparation and dreams coming to a head. I had confronted myself then…confronted my soul. The mist was my soul; there was no other explanation.

True seers have no soul.

But what if they did? I had a soul, I had seen it. So what if they had a soul, just not one that resided in their body. And if I could find it again, or rather if it would find me again…if I could combine myself with my soul then maybe I could stop it. The inevitable was approaching at an alarming speed, the visions had come, and the rest would soon follow. I was desperate to end it. I didn't want to hear people's thoughts; I didn't want the ability to change my visions. No person should have that power, no wonder all other true seers had gone utterly insane. I was already closing in on insanity and my "gift" hadn't even developed much yet.

I didn't know where Hermione was. I had this power to see, and I couldn't even determine if the person that I loved most in the world was alive. If I was going to be cursed with this ability, I might as well be able to use it to my advantage.

I closed my eyes tightly and concentrated solely on Hermione. Show me Hermione, show me Hermione, was the only thought running through my mind. After a minute I opened my eyes again…nothing had happened. I gave a frustrated shrug and walked out of the room; it had been worth a shot.

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I needed to…I wasn't sure what I needed to do. I had to leave this house, that much I knew for sure. It obviously wasn't safe to stay here. Then again, it obviously wasn't safe to stay anywhere; he would find me no matter where I was. I lifted my sleeve and stared down at my arm in disgust, the mark of death was tainting my freckled skin. It would be there always…haunting me, reminding me.

It should have been my choice. I didn't want the dark mark; I didn't want to fight for them. I wasn't fighting for them, I corrected myself. I was an agent for the light…but Mark was one for the dark. Or so You-Know-Who had told me. I would be a fool to take everything that…that thing, told me as an absolute truth. But I had been weary of Mark as of late, hesitant of his intentions.

If there was one thing that caused suspicion in Mark it was his happy nature. Anyone who is happy and energetic at all times is evil. Well, perhaps that assessment is a harsh one, but you get what I'm saying. People should not be smiling and laughing at all times…it just isn't right. If someone acts like they have every reason in the world to smile, they probably don't. They hide behind their happy continuance and secretly plot world domination. Or, you know, something along those lines.

In my ever present pondering, I realized that my thoughts about my impending insanity were actually driving me there at a rapid pace. The more I stayed cooped inside these walls; my mind would take over with cynical thoughts. This is the problem about being alone. Even though the hypocracy of the world annoys me, it's still essentially healthy to be a part of it.

I quickly stood up, and stared at the door for a few moments. Did I really want to mingle with the outside world today? In the end I guess this question doesn't really matter, because it was inevitable that I would have to venture outside or stay here and debate with my mind the signs of insanity. Choosing hypocracy over insanity, I slowly made my way over to the door, as I thoroughly did not have the concentration or strength to Apparate. And as I still wasn't quite sure how to Apparate…well, that kind of took away the option. I'd been meaning to learn but you try to find time to take a bloody class when you're running from You-Know-Who.

You can imagine my surprise when I opened the door while justifying my Apparation laziness to myself to find someone on the other side.

"Melissa? What are you--? Why are you--?" I started, completely confused by her appearance, "How did you find out where I live? There are laws against stalking a bloke, you know."

Melissa rolled her eyes, looking very exhausted, "I didn't stalk you, believe me, I have better things to do with my time."

"Like going to Death Eater parties, torturing Muggles perhaps?"

Melissa sighed and looked at me in exasperation, "Exactly Ron, that's exactly what I do. Never mind that I have a son to take care of--"

"Why are you here?"

"Can I come in? I don't think this is something that should be discussed out here--" Marissa glanced around quickly and then looked back at me. At that point I was torn between options. Could I really trust Melissa? She's one that could go either way on the evil scale. No doubt that she'd tell me some more information to make my mind dwell again and rearrange my views. Did I really want that? I had enough on my plate as it was.

I shook my head and looked at her with a stone expression, "No, you can't. Whatever you have to say, you can say it out here...."

Melissa shrugged and let out a breath. "Okay," she bit her lip and went on, "when you had sexual relations--"

My eyes went wide, and before she could finish, I pulled her inside and shut the door behind me. "You don't blurt things like that in public!" I stated quickly, and felt myself blush without volition.

"You told me to say it out there," Melissa stated and went on, "Listen Ron, this is important. I know about your rendezvous the other night. I know you care for this girl, but right now the last thing you need is emotional involvement. That can be used against you tremendously, and can ultimately lead you to the dark side if Voldemort decided to use this girl as an ultimatum. Love will be your downfall, and in the end you will only hurt her and yourself."

I looked at her in fury, but deep down I knew that what she was saying was right, "you were spying on me? You didn't watch me all night, did you? That's sick--"

"I didn't spy on you. You fail to realize that you have a lot of people watching you, Ron."

"Well, if I didn't feel paranoid before, I sure do now."

Melissa rubbed her temples and looked at me, "that's besides the point. Did you hear what I said about emotional involvement? You don't need that right now--"

"I know this already. I saw her and she saw me, what was I supposed to do? I couldn't very well act like I didn't know her. Besides, she saw the dark mark on my arm, so I doubt I'll be seeing her again any time soon," in spite of myself, I felt tears stinging my eyes and turned away, "it felt good, if only for a few hours, to experience love and pleasure instead of hate and pain."

There was a moment of silence before Melissa spoke, "I know this is hard for you, believe me. I know it's difficult to give up everything you once held dear to live a life of misery. I once felt what you felt, but what I felt was a lie... an illusion. It was a mistake that was lifelong. Every time I see my son I experience all variations of emotions. I know that I am doomed to my path because I have an emotional attachment that could be held against me at any time. You have a chance to be free of that... you have a chance to not worry about hurting the one you love with your own selfish decisions. If you love her, you'd let her let you go."

"I really don't have a choice, do I?" I asked, finally turning around to look at her.

Melissa shrugged, "not if you want her to be safe."

My head ached, but not nearly as much as my heart. I loved Hermione; there was no doubt about that, and the thought that I'd never get to be with her again hurt tremendously. But Melissa was right, if I wanted her to be safe, then this was the only route.

"Okay," I replied in a whisper, feeling nothing but despair wash over me. I knew this beforehand, but the fact that it was actually being stated and enforced was different somehow. I didn't want to go outside anymore. I might as well let insanity take over, what else do I have to be sane for? I just wanted to be alone. "You can leave now."

"I'm sorry, Ron, I really am--"

I opened the door, not wanting to hear her apologies. They were just words. After they are said so many times they lose their meaning. It's like stabbing someone repeatedly and saying ''I'm sorry"... it just doesn't matter. "Just go."

"I'll see you later then," she replied and started to walk around me. Great, I had that to look forward to - seeing her at a death eater get together. If she brings the chicken I'll bring the alcohol.

I turned around to face the doorway and shut the door after she left, but was startled to see Hermione blocking her way out. Damn, no one visits me until today...

"Who are you?" Hermione asked quickly, and as I know Hermione, I know from her tone that she was not pleased in the least.

"She's just a friend... that was leaving," I said before Melissa could say anything.

"Why was she here?" Hermione asked skeptically.

I was half tempted to tell Hermione why Melissa was there, until Melissa turned around and looked at me pointedly. I knew this was the perfect time to put everything into action. If I didn't get Hermione out of all this now, I was bound not to get her out ever.

"It's not any of your business, Hermione--" I watched as Melissa made her way around Hermione and out of view.

"What was she? One of Voldemort's little whores to keep you company? Was that all I was to you, Ron? Just a night of fun...?" She looked up at me with anger and hurt in her eyes.

I knew that if I answered this truthfully, and told her no, that she meant everything to me... that I loved her more than life itself, I'd be defeating my purpose and that'd make it all the more hard to break away. Sometimes a lie, even if it's a downright difficult one to go with, can be right in the end.

"Yes," I answered, feeling my throat go dry.

"What?" Hermione asked, looking at me as if I had made a mistake with my wording.

"Yes, that's all it was. A night of fun. I'm sorry."

Hermione's face that was before contorted with fury changed to one of utmost hurt. She stood there with her mouth half open, looking too shocked to say anything. When she did speak, her voice was shaky, "No I'm sorry. I'm sorry I saw you the other day. I think, after all I know now, that you were better off preserved in my memory the way I remembered you before. But I guess you're no less dead than you were before then." And with that she turned on heel and walked away briskly.

I shut my door, and stood against it with my eyes shut. I really needed some Fire Whiskey right about now.

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A/N- okay, I think you can now all safely say that that absolutely rocked. If you would like to order some 'Heather is my evil queen' t-shirts you may contact Jenny at 867-5309. And if the above sentence wasn't humorous to you, then you aren't aware of a running scheme, er…I mean joke, so just ignore it. Ahem, yes, but please do remember to thank RonandHerm4eva if you enjoyed the chapter, as without her, it would have taken about another week to be posted.

And since I'm on the subject, *preps for shameless story plug* you will be able to find a new story up very soon titled "Ruptured Redemption" it is authored by RonandHerm4eva and myself and is the third story in her series. You may find it, as well as it's two predecessors, located under her s/n, which you may find under my favorite author list on my bio. It has an awesome plot with many twists and should hopefully be a great read.

On to my thank you list for the last chapter, which I did write:

RonandHerm4eva (I love you so much, lol. I reread the chapter and I was just like 'she is my evil queen!' I added like two lines to some stuff you wrote, but other than that, nothing is changed really. Thanks again, you did it perfectly!), Ali Irufan (lol, um well…I sort of, kind of, forgot about people who are kissed being soulless. So lets just say that true seers can function without souls whereas people who have been kissed cannot. Because the dementors devour their soul, so it is, in a sense, no more. But true seers souls are merely lost. Thank you so much for pointing it out to me, and I hope that I've covered my bases now!), meh (no one is exactly holding a gun to your head here, if you don't like the way I do my chapters then here is a piece of excellent advice: Don't read the damn story!), ilikechicken (Wow, I can't believe you eat honey mustard on your chicken too…lol, I feel as if we are long lost twins. Have you ever had a grilled chicken salad with honey mustard dressing? It's so awesome. Glad you liked the cat fight between Ginny and Hermione…lol, maybe we can call it a chicken fight.), Sina Ba Ako (Lol, well you can thank RonandHerm4eva for updating the story and saving your sanity. I agree though, it does suck that Ginny didn't love Draco. I'm a huge G/D fan…lol, but I never said that they weren't together in this story, or will not be together at a later date. She just doesn't love him now.), zoreo09 (Thanks for reviewing, glad that you're liking the story!), Celebrian Arcamenal (Lol, I'm a lot confused in life so it's nice to know that Ron and I aren't alone. I'm glad that you can connect with the story, and thanks for reviewing!), Ron-n-Hermion_FANATIC1345 (Aww, thanks so much for your compliments! It's awesome to know that you find the story addicting and I hope that you continue to think so.), blondevixon (Lol, I think that's the first time someone has called me deep before…normally people just shake their heads and call me insane. This is a nice change though! Thanks for reviewing!), bluehoax (I agree, sarcasm is a very, very good thing. Lol, if it weren't for sarcasm I wouldn't talk half of the time. Glad you liked the last two lines, lol, it about sums up my life.), Tom-Feltons-Hot (I'm so glad that you like the story even though you aren't a huge fan of first person point-of-view. Lol, I'm sure if you tried though you could find something bad to say…not that I want you to say anything bad, just saying you could. I'm just going to shut up now, lol.), orli-enthusiast (I have no clue how people cannot love to be confuzzled. It is the best word on the planet, lol. What should our club be called though? Lol, glad that you thought the last chapter was weird in a good way…any weird is good in my opinion though, lol.), UncleFungus (Aww, if you say things like that to me you're going to make me blush! I'm so glad that you like the story, and thanks so much for your review!), snowflakeginny (I'm so glad that you are enjoying the story! As for your H/G question though…well I can't tell you that, lol, it would give away a plot twist. But if you keep reading you should find the answer in the next few chapters.), lilith witch (Lol, well I've already responded to your review, but thanks again for reading and reviewing everything and I'm glad that you enjoyed it!), Me (No problem, I understand about losing time to do things…lol, school has been killing me lately. Lol, yeah I don't think anyone was that shocked about Mark…which actually kind of surprised me. I thought I would get a few people, oh well though. So what are your thoughts on Melissa? Good, evil?)