Chapter 15: A Little fall of Rain
Janie turned and walked off stage, as if in a trance only vaguely aware of the applause that followed her into the wing. She wanted more than anything to dash back upstairs to her dressing room, away from the shoving crowd and the thousands of eyes that she was sure were watching her. But she only had four or five minuets before she had to walk back onto the stage. Not nearly enough time to retreat upstairs.
She continued walking straight ahead, not really aware of where she was going. A few people spoke to her as she walked past. Congratulating her. She simply walked on, deaf to their voices. It was only when Arron hurried by telling her that she should get sick more often that she realized she was directly outside of the shop room. This was the room where they had brought her just after the first act. Before it all happened.
She walked in the door and sat down on a wooden stool just in front of a large cardboard square. She could not cry any more, every tear that had been capable of shedding seemed to have dried up in the florescent lights of the dressing room. All she could do now was sit and think. This was, if possible worse than crying. At least when she was focused on her tears she had a diversion from the memory of Sirius's face just before she had fallen. The laughter had not quite faded from it. It was only as she began to fall that a slight note of panic had set in behind his large dark eyes.
Nothing had changed. Why had Otto sent her through the novel if he had known that this could happen? This was his fault. The fact that Sirius was still dead, the fact that she had died a fictional death for nothing. Every injustice and wrongdoing in the world seemed to circle it's self back to the old Greek man. She would never forgive him. If she lived the rest of her life in bitterness and misery, she would not; could not forgive him for what he had done.
There were a few minuets in complete silence before Janie heard footsteps coming from the hall outside and entering the shop room. She did not turn to them, but remained in her seat staring straight ahead into nothing.
"You're next scene's almost up." Marie had walked into the shop room. Janie knew she could not avoid her as she could the others. They had been best friends long before college, they knew everything about each other. Still it was worth an attempt. She turned and answered as casually as she could.
"I'll be there in a minuet." Janie tried to smile, but she had a feeling that it came out as more of a grimace. Marie did not leave, but walked further into the room.
"It's going well tonight. On My Own was the best you've ever done it." Janie turned away from her and nodded grimly.
"What's wrong?" Marie asked. Janie noticed that out of nowhere another solitary tear had swelled in her eye and run down her cheek. She wiped it away furious with herself. She had thought that she was done with crying.
"Nothing. I-I'm still not feeling that well." She tried to say this nonchalantly but she was sure that her stuttering had given her away. Indeed, when she looked at Marie she had her arms folded and her face was filled with a patronizing glare.
"Have you been reading about that Sirius bloke again?" She asked sharply. Without realizing what she was doing, Janie slowly nodded. Marie sighed and rolled her eyes.
"I don't understand why you even read that book. All it does is make you obsessively depressed for days on end." Janie stayed silent. Usually she would have defended her beloved Harry Potter from Marie's chorus of unprecedented attacks. Now, however, her head seemed to be completely void of articulate thought.
"That's your music." Marie told her. Without hesitating, Janie got up from the stool and walked to the back of the set prepared for her entrance. She climbed over the wall as rehearsed. It was routine now. She limped slowly onto the stage pretending to be hurt. It was all an act. She began to sing. The words meant nothing.
The song was about to start. This had been her favorite song in the whole show before everything had happened. She didn't know how it would change, if it could change now.
"Don't you fret Messer. Sir- Marius I don't feel any pain-"
She had almost said his name. In normal times she would have prayed that no one else had noticed. But now she prayed that she had screamed this mistake for all to hear. That somehow he would be able to hear her calling for him. That was impossible she knew.
"-A little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now-" She remembered vividly that she had only felt a very brief pang before she had fallen on the ramp. Not nearly as much as she was experiencing now.
"-You're here that's all I need to know-" When she had been hit with the spell, she had been happy. Happy because he would live. If only she had known then.
"-And you will keep me safe-" Still, she remembered vaguely that Otto had said something in the place between. Something about restoring two lives.
"-And you will keep me close-"
.If not in this world in the next. Did this mean that she would see Sirius again? Perhaps soon.
"-And rain will make the flowers grow." She turned to Arron who was holding her in his arms on the stage floor in the way that they had practiced. She looked suddenly into his face as if somehow expecting to see Sirius's face starring down at her. But instead she was met with the rehearsed face of an actor. Singing the words he had been taught:
"But you will live 'ponine dear God above. If I could heal your wounds with words of love." Janie began to answer him, disappointment setting into the pit of her stomach. She didn't know exactly what she had expected. He was dead.
"Just hold me now and let it be, shelter me comfort me." It was then, in that moment just before Arron answered her, that she saw it. Perhaps she was imagining it, but she was sure she saw something very familiar. no perfectly familiar in the face that was starring back at her. She was sure that those were not the eyes of an actor. Still she didn't dare believe it until she heard.
"You would live a hundred years if I could show you how.I won't desert you now." She was not imagining. Janie knew that voice too well, as if it had been ingrained in her mind. That was Sirius's voice. Now, as she looked up at him there was no mistaking those sparkling black eyes. An amazingly free sensation filled her as she continued the song which suddenly had more meaning than everything that was real in that theater or maybe even the world. She looked into him not daring to pull her eyes away as she sang:
"-The rain can't hurt me now, this rain will wash away what's past And you will keep me safe And you will keep me close I'll sleep in your embrace at last The rain that brings you here is heaven blessed The skies begin to clear and I'm at rest A breath away from where you are I've come home from so far."
She sang these words that she had rehearsed as if she had never sung them before. She knew that they were true at once. She was home finally. With him beside her again she found herself in a home that she had never known before. They sang together now
-So don't you fret Mssr. Marius I don't feel any pain A little fall of Rain Can hardly hurt me now -Hush a by dear Eponine you won't feel any pain A little fall of rain Can hardly hurt you now-"
She couldn't help but simile as she sang these words. At once she knew that this is what Otto had meant by "You will understand." He had known this would happen. It was meant to be.
"- I'm here-" "-That's all I need to know"
The sincerity of this stayed inside her heart. He would never leave her again. Janie did not know how she knew this, but somehow it was true. Sirius pulled her closer to his chest. His face told her at once that he understood now too. The dream had ended: This was the morning.
-And you will keep me safe, you will keep me close" -I will stay till you are sleeping" And rain- And rain Will make the flowers. Will make the flowers. Grow
The End
Muses note: The story you have read is true. Every part of it, from beginning to end happened exactly as documented here through the eyes of the three most effected by the challenge to a predestined decision. You can chose to believe it or not. It makes no difference. For it is irrelevant to the knowledge you need now to posess. Learn from an old mistake, do not fear death as a fool fears his shadow, and mourn for those lost to it no more than one may mourn for a lost book. For you will see the morning come and those lost to your world coming to you once more in the end. Until then, know your purpose and follow it fully. For, as a very wise friend of mine once said: It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
Janie turned and walked off stage, as if in a trance only vaguely aware of the applause that followed her into the wing. She wanted more than anything to dash back upstairs to her dressing room, away from the shoving crowd and the thousands of eyes that she was sure were watching her. But she only had four or five minuets before she had to walk back onto the stage. Not nearly enough time to retreat upstairs.
She continued walking straight ahead, not really aware of where she was going. A few people spoke to her as she walked past. Congratulating her. She simply walked on, deaf to their voices. It was only when Arron hurried by telling her that she should get sick more often that she realized she was directly outside of the shop room. This was the room where they had brought her just after the first act. Before it all happened.
She walked in the door and sat down on a wooden stool just in front of a large cardboard square. She could not cry any more, every tear that had been capable of shedding seemed to have dried up in the florescent lights of the dressing room. All she could do now was sit and think. This was, if possible worse than crying. At least when she was focused on her tears she had a diversion from the memory of Sirius's face just before she had fallen. The laughter had not quite faded from it. It was only as she began to fall that a slight note of panic had set in behind his large dark eyes.
Nothing had changed. Why had Otto sent her through the novel if he had known that this could happen? This was his fault. The fact that Sirius was still dead, the fact that she had died a fictional death for nothing. Every injustice and wrongdoing in the world seemed to circle it's self back to the old Greek man. She would never forgive him. If she lived the rest of her life in bitterness and misery, she would not; could not forgive him for what he had done.
There were a few minuets in complete silence before Janie heard footsteps coming from the hall outside and entering the shop room. She did not turn to them, but remained in her seat staring straight ahead into nothing.
"You're next scene's almost up." Marie had walked into the shop room. Janie knew she could not avoid her as she could the others. They had been best friends long before college, they knew everything about each other. Still it was worth an attempt. She turned and answered as casually as she could.
"I'll be there in a minuet." Janie tried to smile, but she had a feeling that it came out as more of a grimace. Marie did not leave, but walked further into the room.
"It's going well tonight. On My Own was the best you've ever done it." Janie turned away from her and nodded grimly.
"What's wrong?" Marie asked. Janie noticed that out of nowhere another solitary tear had swelled in her eye and run down her cheek. She wiped it away furious with herself. She had thought that she was done with crying.
"Nothing. I-I'm still not feeling that well." She tried to say this nonchalantly but she was sure that her stuttering had given her away. Indeed, when she looked at Marie she had her arms folded and her face was filled with a patronizing glare.
"Have you been reading about that Sirius bloke again?" She asked sharply. Without realizing what she was doing, Janie slowly nodded. Marie sighed and rolled her eyes.
"I don't understand why you even read that book. All it does is make you obsessively depressed for days on end." Janie stayed silent. Usually she would have defended her beloved Harry Potter from Marie's chorus of unprecedented attacks. Now, however, her head seemed to be completely void of articulate thought.
"That's your music." Marie told her. Without hesitating, Janie got up from the stool and walked to the back of the set prepared for her entrance. She climbed over the wall as rehearsed. It was routine now. She limped slowly onto the stage pretending to be hurt. It was all an act. She began to sing. The words meant nothing.
The song was about to start. This had been her favorite song in the whole show before everything had happened. She didn't know how it would change, if it could change now.
"Don't you fret Messer. Sir- Marius I don't feel any pain-"
She had almost said his name. In normal times she would have prayed that no one else had noticed. But now she prayed that she had screamed this mistake for all to hear. That somehow he would be able to hear her calling for him. That was impossible she knew.
"-A little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now-" She remembered vividly that she had only felt a very brief pang before she had fallen on the ramp. Not nearly as much as she was experiencing now.
"-You're here that's all I need to know-" When she had been hit with the spell, she had been happy. Happy because he would live. If only she had known then.
"-And you will keep me safe-" Still, she remembered vaguely that Otto had said something in the place between. Something about restoring two lives.
"-And you will keep me close-"
.If not in this world in the next. Did this mean that she would see Sirius again? Perhaps soon.
"-And rain will make the flowers grow." She turned to Arron who was holding her in his arms on the stage floor in the way that they had practiced. She looked suddenly into his face as if somehow expecting to see Sirius's face starring down at her. But instead she was met with the rehearsed face of an actor. Singing the words he had been taught:
"But you will live 'ponine dear God above. If I could heal your wounds with words of love." Janie began to answer him, disappointment setting into the pit of her stomach. She didn't know exactly what she had expected. He was dead.
"Just hold me now and let it be, shelter me comfort me." It was then, in that moment just before Arron answered her, that she saw it. Perhaps she was imagining it, but she was sure she saw something very familiar. no perfectly familiar in the face that was starring back at her. She was sure that those were not the eyes of an actor. Still she didn't dare believe it until she heard.
"You would live a hundred years if I could show you how.I won't desert you now." She was not imagining. Janie knew that voice too well, as if it had been ingrained in her mind. That was Sirius's voice. Now, as she looked up at him there was no mistaking those sparkling black eyes. An amazingly free sensation filled her as she continued the song which suddenly had more meaning than everything that was real in that theater or maybe even the world. She looked into him not daring to pull her eyes away as she sang:
"-The rain can't hurt me now, this rain will wash away what's past And you will keep me safe And you will keep me close I'll sleep in your embrace at last The rain that brings you here is heaven blessed The skies begin to clear and I'm at rest A breath away from where you are I've come home from so far."
She sang these words that she had rehearsed as if she had never sung them before. She knew that they were true at once. She was home finally. With him beside her again she found herself in a home that she had never known before. They sang together now
-So don't you fret Mssr. Marius I don't feel any pain A little fall of Rain Can hardly hurt me now -Hush a by dear Eponine you won't feel any pain A little fall of rain Can hardly hurt you now-"
She couldn't help but simile as she sang these words. At once she knew that this is what Otto had meant by "You will understand." He had known this would happen. It was meant to be.
"- I'm here-" "-That's all I need to know"
The sincerity of this stayed inside her heart. He would never leave her again. Janie did not know how she knew this, but somehow it was true. Sirius pulled her closer to his chest. His face told her at once that he understood now too. The dream had ended: This was the morning.
-And you will keep me safe, you will keep me close" -I will stay till you are sleeping" And rain- And rain Will make the flowers. Will make the flowers. Grow
The End
Muses note: The story you have read is true. Every part of it, from beginning to end happened exactly as documented here through the eyes of the three most effected by the challenge to a predestined decision. You can chose to believe it or not. It makes no difference. For it is irrelevant to the knowledge you need now to posess. Learn from an old mistake, do not fear death as a fool fears his shadow, and mourn for those lost to it no more than one may mourn for a lost book. For you will see the morning come and those lost to your world coming to you once more in the end. Until then, know your purpose and follow it fully. For, as a very wise friend of mine once said: It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.