Loss
By Hpfan
Chapter XI- A trip to Grimmauld Place
Harry woke the next day to find that he had fallen asleep on the couch, with his head in Sirius's lap. Sirius had his head on a pillow on the arm of the couch. Harry felt Sirius's hand run through his hair.
He raised his head and saw that it was midmorning. He grabbed a pillow and lay back down on the other side of the couch, still quite tired. He heard footsteps on the stairs and looked over the backside of the couch to see Hermione walking down the stairs in her pajamas.
Harry yawned then greeted her with a "Hey."
"I didn't know you got up this early." She said, seemly surprised to see him, and also slightly embarrassed that she was in her pajamas.
Harry smiled slightly. "I don't really have sleeping pattern."
"Did you sleep on the couch all night?"
Harry wondered if Hermione knew about his visions with Ron. He decided that if she didn't she should know. "Do you know about my dreams?"
Hermione nodded. "The one's with Ron? Yeah."
"Well, usually I can't sleep afterwards so I came down here." Hermione nodded in acceptance.
"Why's Sirius down here though?"
"He just comes down to, you know, talk to me about them and stuff. He keeps me company when I can't sleep."
Hermione had a concerned look on her face that Harry was coming to hate. "You know, Harry, if you want to talk about anything, like about Ron, or the Dursleys, or what happened last year…" Hermione seemed kind of uncomfortable. "I'm there for you, anytime." Harry smiled at her like he would take that into consideration. Harry couldn't even imagine telling Hermione that Ron had been crying the previous night. Not just because he knew that Ron would be mortified, but also just because he knew that if Hermione knew those things, it would only be harder on her.
It wasn't that he didn't trust Hermione, but there were certain things he couldn't tell her. There were certain things he wouldn't tell Ron either. It was just easier to confide in Sirius, or not say anything to anyone. He knew that Hermione's intentions were good, and he knew that she would gladly listen to him if he wanted to talk. There were just a lot of things that Harry knew he couldn't tell her.
Sirius stirred on the couch, and Harry realized how lightly Sirius slept. He himself was a light sleeper; he just didn't like to get up. "Why are you two up so early?" Sirius asked. Harry and Hermione shrugged in answer.
It was too early to eat, so Harry, Hermione, and Sirius all watched TV for a while. Just as Harry was getting up to start breakfast, the fire (Which had a charm on it so that it didn't give off any heat) turned a green color and someone tripped, and fell out of it. Harry, being closest, ran forward to help them up.
There, on the ground, lay a very peculiar looking witch. She had yellow and pink spiked hair and her eyes were different colors and they matched her hair. He held out his hand to help her up, and when she was done dusting off her robes, she looked at him and her eyes grew wide and excited. "Harry Potter? Wow, it's nice to meet you."
Harry, who had been rendered speechless by her entrance into their house, but mostly by her appearance, had his mouth hanging open, and replied with, "Uh. Yeah." Sirius appeared by his side, and held out his hand.
"Dora. It's nice to see you again." Sirius said in a happy voice.
'Dora', or whoever she was, frowned and said, "Will you please stop calling me Dora, Sirius? My name is Tonks, Harry. Pleased to meet you." She said holding out her hand for Harry to shake.
Harry took her hand. By the way she was acting toward Sirius, he took an immediate liking to her. "Hello."
Hermione came over too. "Hi. I'm Hermione Granger." She said smiling.
"Tonks."
"Harry, Hermione, this is my second cousin."
"Yeah, I definitely see the resemblance." Harry said joking. When he looked back, his eyes bugged out of his head as he saw that Sirius's head was sitting on her shoulders.
When the one that had originally been Tonks talked, she still had her own voice. She looked at the real Sirius who was merely snickering, and said, "Really. I don't see it." She scrunched up their brow and turned back into her regular self.
Sirius explained, "She's a metamophmagus. She can change her appearance at will."
"Wow! That's amazing! I've read about people that can do that. They're really rare, and you can't learn how to become one or anything. It must be really cool." Hermione started talking about it nonstop until Harry interrupted her.
"Hermione, how about we go into the kitchen and you can help me set the table. Would you like to stay for breakfast Tonks?"
"Oh, sure. Can I help you?"
"Yeah, su-" he looked up at Sirius, who was standing behind Tonks waving his arms frantically, mouthing 'no' But it was too late.
It turned out that Tonks was a lot more trouble then she was help. She dropped a glass in the scrambled eggs, so Harry had to start making them all over again. She accidentally spilt orange juice on the finished pancakes, and before Harry could even tell her to she retreated to sitting at the table, realizing that she was being a nuisance.
Twenty minutes later, they were eating a nice breakfast. "So, Dora." Sirius started, and Harry wondered whether Sirius was just doing that to annoy her. "What brings you here?" he asked taking a bite of pancakes.
Tonks replied like she hadn't heard him call her that. "Well, you know, I just wanted to see how you where doing. You know, you didn't need to go and get this house. You and Harry could have just moved into your parents old house."
Harry met Sirius's gaze with a confused stare.
"I don't think that I want Harry having to live in that old place. It's okay for a headquarters, but I'd much rather live here. Really, look at it in comparison. That house hasn't been lived in for years, and it's full of creatures and dark stuff that could really be dangerous."
"Yeah. Plus all of the bad memory's of growing up there right?" Tonks didn't seem like she had deliberately said it, but Sirius fixed a glare at her.
"I- I only meant that you probably wouldn't want to live there because you…"
"Don't even try to understand everything I went through in that house, Nymphadora! Okay? You had decent parents. You don't know."
Harry pretended to suddenly become interested in his toast.
"I'm sorry, Sirius. I honestly didn't mean anything by it. I know you had a bad childhood." Sirius still frowned.
"What do you want to do with your house elf, Kreacher?"
"My house elf? He won't listen to me, why is he mine? Just let him roam around the house muttering stuff under his breath. He's done it since my parents died."
Hermione looked scandalized. "You mean you're house elf really had to stay in your house for the whole time you were in prison? All alone?" Harry almost felt bad for it himself.
"Hermione, you don't know Kreacher. That thing is a sinister, disturbed, mental, fiend that wants nothing more to be stuffed and nailed to a wall. I know you've taken a liking to house elves, but this thing's not a house elf, it's a-a troll!"
Hermione looked like she wanted to argue but was holding her tongue.
"But, anyway, you'll have to stop by and pick up all your stuff." Tonks didn't seem to want to meet Sirius's eyes, because she kept putting more and more butter on her toast.
"Throw it out. I don't want it." Sirius said in a would-be nonchalant way, but his shaking hands gave him away.
Harry was slightly alarmed at Sirius's behavior. He seemed- Harry could think of no other comparison- to be acting like himself when someone had mentioned the Dursley's.
"Oh, come on Sirius. Stepping in the house isn't going kill you!" Harry and Hermione had abandoned their meal. One look at Sirius sent hands infront of her mouth, like she wished she hadn't said anything.
Although Sirius was dressed and groomed a lot better, the gleam in his eyes made him look like he was capable of the murder he had been sentenced for. "Okay. Fine. I'll go back to that bloody house, and I'll get my things. I will not, however, come back. I'll go for mandatory Order of the Phoenix meetings, but otherwise, I'm not setting another foot in that house!" Sirius looked like it was taking every fiber of his being for him to restrain himself. His voice was constricted, his teeth were clenched, and he looked like he was slightly shaking.
Tonks didn't look satisfied, but she looked scared, and she didn't say another word. She took one more bite of her eggs, and put her fork down. "It was good to meet you two. Goodbye Sirius." And with that, she walked to the fireplace and left.
Harry and Hermione put their forks down simultaneously, and Sirius's had his eyes on the fireplace. Harry stood up to collect the plates and do the dishes, but when he went to pick up Sirius's plate, Sirius grabbed his wrist and said, "I'm not done." without his eyes leaving the hearth. Harry was so startled that his, Tonks, and Hermione's plates crashed to the floor.
Sirius finally turned around to find the source of the sound, and when he realized that he had Harry's had in a death grip, he let go. He looked up at Harry, who was looking startled and apologized to him. "Oh, Har, I'm really sorry." He got down to help Harry pick up the pieces of the plates. Sirius repaired them with magic, and went about washing them. Sirius offered to do it, but Harry refused, and told him to eat until he was full.
After breakfast, Sirius seemed eager to make it up to Harry, and challenged him to a game of Quidditch, to Hermione's great annoyance. Harry beat Sirius by a long shot, but Harry wondered if Sirius had let him win.
They played chess tournament style, which Harry lost as always. He was happy to find that Hermione was a worse chess player then he was though.
When they were done, Sirius sat down on the couch. "Harry, Hermione, sit down." He told them. Hermione sat on the arm chair, and Harry sat next to him on the couch. "I want to explain." Harry had been expecting this.
"Oh, that's alright Sirius, I already know about the order." Harry looked shocked.
"You do?" Sirius looked surprised as well. "Well, anyway Harry, the Order is an elite group of people who are there to fight the dark arts. I'm in it, as were your parents, Tonks, Remus and Moody. Ron's parents and son's old enough to join are too. And no, before you ask, you're too young to join." Harry had only opened his mouth, but shut it quickly. Sirius smirked.
"So, er." Harry didn't want to bring up a sore subject for Sirius, but he wanted to know about his childhood house.
"The headquarters is in my parents old house. They left it to me when they died, but I don't have any use for it."
Harry just nodded in acceptance. "We're going today." Harry hadn't expected to be invited to go. "I think it would be best if you met all of the people in the order. I'm just getting myself and getting out though. I hate that house. And whatever you do, don't make any noise when you walk past the painting near the entrance."
This was short notice for Harry, but he and Hermione followed him toward the fireplace. "It's number twelve Grimmauld Place." He said, before disappearing into the fire. Harry followed his lead, and closed his eyes sharply as thousands of fireplaces raced past his eyes.
He staggered out of the fireplace, into a gloomy kitchen. He looked around, and noticed Sirius was inspecting the place as well. The painted walls were faded, and chipped. The old fashioned kitchen was worn and ugly, and there were many scary and slightly alarming things on the walls.
He followed Sirius into the dining room and found that Ron's parents and Remus were sitting in the dinning room eating breakfast. Remus looked up at them and nodded in acknowledgment.
Mr. and Mrs. Weasley looked horrible. Mrs. Weasley had puffy eyes, and disheveled hair. Mr. Weasley's clothes were wrinkled and he looked like he hadn't shaved in a week. When Mrs. Weasley spotted him, she sprouted a weak smile, and hugged him tightly. Harry's first thought was to feel guilty because it was his fault that Ron was in a cell, but he soon discarded that thought. "It's not my fault!" he told himself firmly.
Mr. Weasley came forward half-heartedly, and shook his hand. "It's nice to see you Harry." He said in a scratchy voice.
"Harry dear, how are you?" She asked in an equally broken voice. It just about broke Harry's heart to see his best friends parents in such a way. He smiled sadly at them.
"I'm okay Mrs. Weasley."
"Hello again, Hermione." she smiled at Hermione who Harry knew was standing behind him.
She gestured to the table at which he and Hermione sat down. "Harry. How's Ron?" Harry's forced smile faded, and he looked down at the table.
"He's… As good as can be expected." Hoping he sounded positive.
"And, how is he physically? Is he fed enough?"
Harry bit his lip. He knew that Mrs. Weasley had the right to know how her son was doing, but he didn't have the heart to tell her that her son was tortured nightly, starving, and had almost admitted defeat. He looked up for Sirius's support, but he had disappeared. Harry prolonged the question as long as he could, but he noticed that everyone had leaned in, as if they wanted to hear better and Harry was feeling slightly claustrophobic. "He's… er." Even if Harry wanted to say it, there was no way to describe Ron's condition.
"So the order says that Ron should probably be rescued a little after school is in session. They're just waiting for a time when Voldemort has called a full meeting, and when all the guards have left the area, they're going to get him out." Remus said. Harry shot him a discrete look of gratitude, and noticed it when the Weasley's flinched harder than normal.
"That's great news." Hermione said positively. And it was; but a week seemed to last a lifetime these days. Harry smiled optimistically, and the Weasleys seemed to brighten as well.
"Where did Sirius go?" Harry asked, wanting to make sure that the conversation didn't relapse back to the subject of Ron.
"He probably just went to get his stuff. He probably wants to get his stuff and get out of here." Remus said.
Harry didn't know if it was best to bring the subject of why Sirius hated this house so much up, but he had to ask.
Remus turned toward him and gave him a weird look. "I think it would be better if Sirius told you." Remus said to him. Harry felt disappointed, but he knew that Remus was probably right. If it weren't personal to Sirius, he probably would have told him. "How about you and Hermione have a look around, and I'll introduce you to some of the order members.
Remus proceeded to introduce them to Kingsley Shacklebolt, Sturgis Podmore, Mundungus Fletcher, and Emmiline Vance, who were all roaming around, doing some sort of business for the order. Remus led them down to the kitchen for lunch.
"Harry, why don't you go find Sirius?" said Mrs. Weasley, who was preparing lunch. Harry agreed.
"He's probably in his room. It's on the first floor. Watch out for the painting." Remus told him. Harry was beginning to wonder what was so special about a painting, but as he passed the curtained wall on the first floor, he didn't let his curiosity get the best of him.
The door to Sirius's room was ajar, and Harry saw that Sirius had a big bag of what ever it was that he was collecting. He had picked up a black plate and was inspecting it with a dark look on his face. Without warning, he tossed the plate across the room at the wall. The plate crashed into a million pieces, and Harry watched in shock as Sirius proceeded to throw five more plates across the room at the wall.
Sirius yelled out, "I hate you! I hate you!" as he threw a lamp across the room as well. He knocked over an end table in his rage. "Why couldn't you just accept me? Why couldn't you love me? I was your son for god's sake! I was your bloody son!"
Sirius punched a hole in the wall. Harry was surprised to say the least. He was shocked as he watched his godfather collapse onot the bed sobbing. Harry didn't know what to do. He was sure that Sirius had made enough noise to draw the attention of the people around the house, and he was sure that Sirius probably wouldn't have wanted anybody to find him in this state.
He stepped into the room, and shut the door behind him. He was relieved when Sirius didn't notice. He walked closer to him, and sunk down onto the bed next to him. Though he was still a head shorter then his godfather, he was undaunted. He pulled him into an embrace. If Sirius noticed this, he didn't respond to it. Like Ron had the night before, Sirius merely wrapped him in it tighter, crying into his shoulder. "I hate you!" Sirius said again, though Harry knew he wasn't speaking to him.
He drew from this that Sirius had possibly had a worse childhood then he had. Possibly even an abusive one. Harry was feeling uncomfortable wrapped in such a tight hug, but he didn't complain or fidget. He was close to moving, due to Sirius's weight, but managed to stay where he was, trying not to draw attention to himself. Sirius just cried harder into his shoulder. Harry rubbed his back in a comforting way. "It's all right Sirius. It's okay. They're dead."
Once again, Sirius started to cry harder. It occurred to Harry that that was probably not the best thing to say. Harry knew from experience with the Dursley's death that the fact that they were dead meant that there was no other chance. Harry had spent his whole life waiting for the Dursleys to finally praise him, or to say something positive toward him. He didn't hate them; they hated him.
Sirius sniffled and he slowly stopped crying. Although he was glad to help, he knew that his godfather's reaction was gong to be awkwardness. He wasn't sure that Sirius knew who was hugging him. It might have been embarrassing for him to find that he had cryed in front of Harry.
Sirius looked back at him with red puffy eyes, and bit his lip. "Harry?" he asked, in an unsurprised tone.
"Yeah, it's me." He said. Sirius moved down to the side of the bed, and sat there with his knees to his chest as Harry often did. Harry joined him. "Are you alright?"
"I'm sorry." Sirius replied. "I- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"
"It's all right." He said directly. "Don't worry about it."
"It's not all right. I think you deserve an explanation." Sirius said miserably.
"Sirius, you don't have to tell me what you don't want to, okay?" he said, patting his arm.
"No Harry, I don't know how you will take it, but I think that after my outburst this morning and just now…" Sirius sniffled. "Harry, my parents hated me. They saw me as a disappointment, an outcast, and, they… when I would do something wrong… they use to… to beat me." Sirius ended in a broken voice.
Harry was slightly chilled. What the Dursleys had done didn't seem a relative comparison anymore. As much as they mistreated him, they had never hit him before. He was also scared at the way Sirius was acting. Sirius, who had always been the strong immortal person who he could look up to, had shown a vulnerable side. Harry didn't know if that made him more human, or less stable. Did this mean that Sirius was really weak for letting his parents do that to him, or strong because he managed to go through that and come out able to go through eleven years of Azkaban and still be an awesome person.
He looked at Sirius, who had his head down, looking at the rug. Harry knew this information probably should have affected him somehow, but he didn't feel any differently toward Sirius then before he knew it. He was still the same person. If anything, his respect for Sirius grew. He hugged Sirius again, not so much because of what he had been through, but in a gesture that reassured him that he was okay with it, and he didn't think it showed weakness.
"I'm so sorry Sirius! I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. It wasn't your fault, you should feel bad about it." He felt Sirius nod into his shoulder.
Harry had just pulled out of the hug when a voice came from the door. "What is keeping you two? Dinner will be ready before you've eaten lunch!" It was Remus.
"Lets go eat lunch." Said Harry. Sirius nodded, rubbing his eyes.
"I'm just going to go to the bathroom real quick."
After Harry and Sirius ate lunch, they got Sirius's things in the bag and went back to the Snidget Shack.
End Chapter XI- A trip to Grimmauld Place
End notes: *Crickets can be heard coming from the readers* Well… Interesting chapter huh? *A lone tomato is thrown* what can I say after a chapter like that? You know, I swear to you right now that this story was a lot less like a soap opera when I was planning it. In fact, I actually had a dream about something like what happened with Sirius happening. [I'm trying not to give anything away for those who like to read the end notes first – by the way, they are called end notes for a reason.] I was reading parts of the book over and I thought about it.
I keep my book handy while writing 'Loss', and I was reading about how Harry was reacting to something, and I looked at my story and noticed that J.K.'s Harry and my Harry are extremely different. So I said, screw the book, it's my fic and Harry'll cry if he wants to. *Goes off into her own world humming the evil song that likes to attach its self to peoples brains* same goes for all the other characters who have distorted themselves.
Also: I figured out where people go when they enter the veil. My head. Yup. Siri has lodged himself in my brain and he wants to make a statement.
Sirius: I'm not dead. I'm merely hanging out with Hpfan because J.K. doesn't want me anymore. *Blows raspberry at J.K.* So, I'm helping her out with the reviews for today.
There are way to many people I have borrowed Sirius from because he seems to be popular. (Hey, I could have gotten Snape! No body seems to want Snape doing their reviews)
Responses to the reviews: (Done by Sirius)
Megan: Heylo to you too. Well, you've gotten into a good fandom if you want entertainment if you don't mind being sucked in. Once you get past the fact that fanfiction is an addictive hobby that will require rehab to kick the habit, and will take up your life, you have a great pastime. Otherwise, I'd advise you to run in the opposite direction screaming bloody murder. Hpfan's happy to know that you like her series. Those of you who, like Hpfan, don't except that I'm dead have to stick together and join the happy blissful world of ignorance, because as long as you don't admit it to yourself that I'm dead, I don't have to be. Thanks for the review.
Tinkerfluff: Thank you for the review. Why does everyone want to know about my girlfriend though? I bet you don't write to J.K. every five minutes because she withholds information until the end of the book. That's what people are supposed to do when they're writing stories. You have to make them suspenseful so everyone keeps reading. Plus, Hpfan promised that she would put a muzzle on if I said anything. By the way; you were Hpfan's 50th reviewer! Congratulations. *Throws confetti*
Jackey: Happy to be of help. I hope you got Hpfan's email with the chapter.
Senshichan14: It almost brought Hpfan to tears when she wrote it. It was a dare. I dared her to write that part. No I'm not dead! I'm alive. I've just been exposed to the Internet, so now I'm a junky just like all the other fan fiction nuts. (No offence). That's my new residence. You can find me at I'm_Still_Alive@fakefictionalcharacters.com (AN: Please don't email)
SarahPeach: Oh, so you're back huh? Yeah, that was a boring chapter, but one that needed to fill in the gaps. Hpfan is going to adopt Angstyness into her own personal dictionary of words that should exist. No, she had no doubt that you were going to question her about my girlfriend. She and I made a bet. I lost five galleons. No need to feel like an idiot. Katie almost got dehydrated from crying so much. It was a sad death scene. I'm now at peace driving Katie up the wall. I feel bad for Remus. He lost his last friend didn't he? He'll be in the story more. He's just busy with the order I guess. Thanks for the review.
A.Dee: Oh come on! You meant to make people cry didn't you? That's why you killed me isn't it? Oh, now I'm going to cry the next time I hear that song! Oh, you can't stop writing! You try going cold turkey, just try! I dare you. The web sites evil! I told Hpfan but she think I'm just crazy. I feel bad for Ron too, but he'll be back. I think that capturing Ron was a ploy to get him in the story more, bu- *Hpfan bops Sirius on the head* Oww! Hey that hurt! Oh well. Thanks for the review.
Next chapter: Well, I'm pretty sure it's going to be the last one before the school year, but then again, I'm procrastinating like crazy with that because I'm not sure how I'm going to do that chapter. Say goodbye Sirius.
Sirius: Goodbye Sirius.
Be Serious!
Sirius: I am Sirius!