Loss
By Hpfan
Chapter XII- misunderstandings and fishing: part I
It wasn't as though Harry wanted to go back to Hogwarts, and it wasn't as though he wanted to stay at home, and that was the problem. If only there was a way Harry could pack Sirius up in his trunk and bring him along, Harry would be totally happy. But somewhere over the summer Harry had gotten a taste of normalcy. It was a weird notion; Harry Potter just didn't have a normal life. It didn't happen. It just didn't! He couldn't call his life normal. He was on too many peoples hit list to ever have a truly normal life, and he was too many peoples hero's to ever just be a regular kid walking down the street. But one thing had changed. He started liking summer again. Okay, not again, as he never liked summer, but still, it was nice. It wasn't the misery and doom that it had been.
Summer now meant going back to a home that actually wanted him in it. It meant he didn't have to worry about homework, or tests, or – he shuddered to think of this one – potions. It meant lounging around the house and watching TV, which, to his utter horror because he wondered if he would turn into Dudley, he had come to enjoy. Amazingly enough, every magical TV had a station called 'The Wiz'. It was mostly news, but every once and a while they would show TV movies.
While watching that station, he had found a show on documentaries on famous Wizards. After seeing previews for his own documentary, he stopped watching the channel and settled for muggle shows.
The thing he was most looking forward to at Hogwarts was the return of Ron of course. It was going to be great to have Ron back. Just having his friends around him was the best part of Hogwarts. It was just that Hogwarts was always something of a safe-haven. He could go back to flying and his friends, and magic and being properly fed, but he had all those things now. All there really was to look forward to was constantly being with his friends, and that meant no Sirius.
Harry just shrugged that off. He would write to Sirius every opportunity he got. Plus, there were other opportunity to look forward to. He had Quidditch again this year. Plus, he was a prefect (AN: He a prefect in my story.). He could always come home for Christmas for the first time ever. He would have a good time. It wasn't like he had a choice anyway.
After their trip to Grimmauld Place, Sirius had been acting funny around him. He seemed very withdrawn, almost nervous. But Harry could see how he would act like this. He had just revealed a very crucial thing to him. Harry wondered if Sirius thought that he was going to act differently around him now that he knew about Sirius's childhood. Harry questioned whether he should be more mindful of what he said around Sirius, but he rejected that idea straight away.
Harry even reprimanded himself for drawing attention to it. He knew that he shouldn't put too much thought into his actions. If he was overly cautious about what he said it would make Sirius feel awkward. "See? Stop doing that!" he scolded himself.
Between Harry's constant attempts at making Sirius feel better by giving him discrete (Yet noticeable) smirks, and Sirius acting like a schizoid, Hermione was stuck in the middle, completely bewildered.
That night, Harry went into Ron's cell ready to tell him that he was going to be rescued by the end of the week. To Harry's utter dismay, no matter what he said, he couldn't get Ron to say anything to him, or to even acknowledge him. He knew that Ron was still sane, because he kept adverting Harry's eyes, and when Harry got too close, he would move, or turn away.
Harry had the idea that Ron was probably embarrassed about what had happened the previous night. He ended up making one-sided conversation the whole night, and couldn't even anger Ron into saying anything.
Right before he was about to leave he said, "Your mom says to tell you she loves you. Do you want me to give her a message." He heard a small choking sound, somewhere between a gasp, and a sob, but wouldn't get any response other then that.
He had gone downstairs, expecting Sirius to meet him, but he never showed up. As the hours ticked by as his restlessness grew, he tried making excuses for Sirius. "Maybe he didn't hear me come down" "Maybe he was really tired" "Maybe he heard me but still doesn't want to face me". He considered knocking on the door, but after battling with the idea for twenty minutes, he decided that if Sirius wasn't going to come down, he wasn't going to make him.
"Maybe I've come to expect too much. He doesn't have to come down every night. And he shouldn't have to. Just because I have insomnia doesn't mean he has to stay up with me. He needs to sleep too." Harry argued on Sirius's part.
When he finally did fall asleep, it was to horrible nightmares that Sirius didn't really care about him at all. He shoved all those fears aside. He knew that Sirius cared. He knew it.
At breakfast that day, Sirius seemed to fidget a lot less. Harry on the other hand didn't smile or try to cheer him up. He generally avoided Sirius's looks, and when Sirius asked him to pass him something, Harry would do so nonchalantly, or he would give Sirius hurt looks. Again, Hermione looked bewildered.
When Sirius challenged him to a game of Quidditch, Harry refused to the shock of Sirius and Hermione, but especially himself.
"What's wrong with you Harry?" Hermione asked him when Sirius had gone outside to fly by himself.
"Nothing." Harry said in a casual voice, reading a book. "I just wasn't in the mood to play. You know, I have to rewrite that potions homework." And Harry went into the study, shutting the door behind him. Hermione followed him though.
"What do you need help with? What was wrong with your first essay?" Hermione asked.
"I found a book all about how cutting up ingredients changed the quality of potions. I didn't know this before. I have to rewrite the whole thing."
"You can always copy mine, Harry. Go and play with Sirius." She said. Harry raised his eyebrows at her. Hermione? Letting him copy homework? Without being asked?
"That's alright Hermione. I think it would be better if I did it myself." He said, procrastinating his talk with Sirius.
Hermione looked at him with mirrored shock. "Well, I must say that I'm impressed. You have finally gotten serious about your schoolwork. I just hope when Ron comes back, you can talk him into doing the same." And Hermione left him alone.
Dinner was quiet. Hermione was trying to make conversation between the two but neither wanted to talk.
His time with Ron was spent in silence. He didn't bother trying to make conversation, and Ron stared at him. Before the dream ended, Harry broke the silence.
"Ron, can you please just say something so I know that you're not going mad?" he asked.
Ron stared at him for almost a minute. "Tell my mum that I love her too." He said before looking away.
The dream then ended.
Harry was then stuck. Should he go downstairs or should he just try and go back to bed? He knew that he wouldn't go back to sleep, but he didn't want to go down the stairs either. Harry climbed into the windowsill above his bed, and pulled a pillow in back of him laying with his knees pulled up. He didn't hear the door open.
"Harry?" said a shape in the semi-darkness. It was Sirius's voice.
"Yeah?" he responded.
He moved to the bed, and climbed up into the ledge next to him. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" Harry didn't know if Sirius had figured out what he had done wrong.
"Uh, I'm not exactly sure. What ever it was that I did wrong." Sirius said.
"Am I suppose to except your widespread apology? Really, did you really expect me to?" Harry asked, half joking, half coldly.
"No. Actually, I was hoping that you would just tell me what it was I did wrong."
Harry sighed. "I'm not mad at you, if that's what you think. I don't think you need to apologize either. I'm just making too much out of nothing." Harry said. After thinking it over the whole day, it seemed stupid. He should have just shrugged it off instead of pushing the whole thing farther, and giving Sirius the cold shoulder.
"Will you just tell me what it is? It's probably just a misunderstanding.
"I- you… You didn't come down last night. I, I don't know, I just…" Harry felt stupid saying it out loud. What had been the big deal anyway? "It's just, I wanted to talk to you, and you didn't show up."
There was a screaming silence, and Harry could nearly feel Sirius's astonishment. "I- Harry, I didn't… That wasn't because I didn't want to-" Sirius stumbled over his words. "Har, if you wanted to talk to me, you could have just knocked on the door. But you're right, I should have come down." Silence swept over the room as Harry felt sheepish, and he knew that Sirius felt the same way.
"So… I guess we're a bunch of idiots who jump to conclusions?"
"What do you mean we?" said Sirius good-naturedly.
Harry laughed. "Truce?" he offered.
"Yeah, truce." He said. Harry smiled even though he knew Sirius couldn't see it. Sirius settled against the wall in the same position as him.
"So what was it you wanted to talk to me about last night?" Sirius asked, stretching out.
"Oh, that. My sex life." He said.
"YOUR WHAT!?" Sirius exclaimed. "You- you want to talk about your- your…" Sirius said, falling off the ledge and onto the bed as Harry laughed hysterically.
"Nah, I just wanted to scare the hell out of you." Sirius put out his hand in a motion for him to help him up, and when Harry offered it, he pulled him onto it.
Sirius was breathing heavy. "This is the kind of thing that made me not want to have children in the first place! You almost gave me a heart attack!"
Harry sniggered as he sat up in the pillows. "Hey it could have been worse. I could have told you that I'm gay." He said.
"Are you trying to give me a stroke as well?" Sirius asked with an exasperated voice.
"No, that's just an added benefit." He joked.
"What was it really?" Harry decided that with the humor still thick in the air, he wasn't ready to switch to such a depressing subject.
"Never mind." He said quietly.
"No, really. After everything that we went through, your going to tell me what it was. Or else." Sirius threatened in jest, putting an arm around Harry's throat, like he was going to give him a nuggie.
"Ron won't talk to me anymore." He said.
"Why not? Did you have a fight?" Sirius asked, releasing Harry.
"No. I don't know why. I just came last night and he wouldn't speak at all. I think he's embarrassed because of crying the other night."
Sirius just gave his shoulder a pat. "Well, you know, Ron's a proud person. He probably really doesn't want anyone to see him crying, especially not his best friend." Harry could definitely understand that.
"I don't know what's worse. Having him talk about how miserable he is, or not talk at all."
Sirius just gave his shoulder a squeeze. "All I can say is wait for him to come around. You know he's dying to talk to you, but he's embarrassed. Just tell him there is nothing to be ashamed of, and wait for him to respond.
Harry nodded, still depressed. "He'll be back soon. It'll do him some good to be back at Hogwarts even if he is going to be acting strange. You know, if it weren't for you, Ron would probably be insane by now. You really helped him."
Harry looked down at his lap. Even if Sirius didn't want him to think that way, he still felt like it was his fault.
"Harry, Hermione has to go home tomorrow. Her parents are upset because they barely got to spend any time with her this summer. I can understand that." Sirius said. Harry hung his head lower. "But we're going a on a fishing trip."
Harry's head sprung up. "We're doing what?" Harry asked incredulously.
"Fishing. You know, that sport where you go out and you tie string to a poll and put a hook on with a worm on the end and you try to lure fishes into eating it and-"
"I know what it is, Sirius. I've seen bad daytime TV too. But why would we fish?"
"I don't know. Your father took me fishing once with his father, and it was fun. We'll have no idea what we're doing, but what the hell? What do you say?" Sirius asked him.
"What the heck? It sounds like fun." Harry agreed, and then muttered as an afterthought, "I pray to God those aren't going to be famous last words."
"I'm sure it will be great." Sirius said.
"Quick! Knock on wood!" Harry said. He was joking of course. "So when are we going?"
"The day after tomorrow. We're leaving early." Sirius laid back down into the pillows. Harry lay back too. They sat in comfortable silence for fifteen minutes. Harry wondered whether Sirius was asleep, and was just getting out of bed, when Sirius asked him where he was going.
"Just down stairs. Want to go watch TV?" Sirius joined him. They watched 'I Love Lucy' reruns for hours before both drifted off to sleep.
_____
Saying goodbye to Hermione wasn't really hard, as Harry knew he was going to see her in just a week. AS for Harry, he was packing for the trip.
He got everything he thought he would need and put it on the bed.
"Band-aids? Check. Gauze? Check. Disinfectant? Check." Harry had a bad feeling that one of them was going to end up hurt. "Snake-bite antidote? Check. Poison fish antidote? Check."
"What the heck is all this stuff? All we need is our brooms and the tent." Sirius said.
Harry snorted at him. "Yeah, and your wand, for when we don't catch anything and end up starving for the week."
Sirius frowned. "Nope, beside our brooms, we're going to do it muggle-style. We're rumping it!" said Sirius in an enthusiastic voice.
Harry burst out laughing. "First of all, it's roughing it! And secondly, what about clothes? And what are you going to do when one of us breaks an ankle or something? What are we… I mean, what am I going to cook with?" Harry had taken Smokey the Bear's warning to heart and was not letting Sirius anywhere near the fire.
Sirius looked like Harry had ruined his fun. "You're such a spoil-sport! And for your information, there is a spell for that."
"I thought that we were doing it muggle-style though?"
In the end, Harry won, and ended up having to put a charm on his backpack so that it was bottomless (Like the Mary Poppins bag) and weightless. Just like Sirius promised, they left the next day at five o'clock in the morning.
They mounthed their brooms, and took off into the rising sun. Looking down from his broom, Harry noticed that they had gone past the waterfall, and were headed toward a big lake.
They landed on the edge of the lake and began searching for a clearing big enough for their campsite.
"We're putting the tent up by hand." Sirius told him. Harry nodded.
"How about I go collect some firewood while you work on that?" asked Harry, trying to get out of putting the tent up, though he knew he was the one who was going to have to do it in the end.
Sirius nodded, circling the equipment trying to decide how he was going to go about this. "Just stay close to the campsite." Harry agreed to it, and came back ten minutes later to find, to his amazement, that the tent was up, and Sirius was nailing a stake into the ground.
Harry had to light the match, as Sirius, like Mr. Weasley, was completely hopeless. They found rocks to sit on, which were a lot more uncomfortable than the lounge chairs that Sirius could have conjured up. "It's only 6:30, can we just go back to sleep?" Harry asked.
"Sure. We won't have lunch, but you can sleep." Sirius said, using a branch to stroke the fire. "We are going to have to start fishing now if we're going to eat later on."
"Alright." Harry agreed with some annoyance. He was dead tired. He had spent the previous night trying to get Ron to talk to him. When Ron finally surrendered and agreed to it, it was time for him to leave. Harry had spent half the night watching TV. Sirius had nodded off after fifteen minutes, but Harry barely got any sleep.
"Now, how are we going to go about this?"
"Do you have an inflatable raft in that backpack?" Sirius asked. "Why am I asking? You've probably got Jimmy Hoffa's body in that bag."
Harry began digging around, trying to find it. When found the vibrant yellow raft, he tried blowing it up. He got three quarters of the way done when he noticed Sirius grinning maliciously at him. He clenched his fist angrily as Sirius held up the unnoticed pump.
"Revenge for the TV." Sirius said. Harry tore the pump out of Sirius's hand and almost whacked Sirius with it. This was war! He would get Sirius back for this.
"What do we do now?" Harry asked, though he had a good idea.
"We look for worms." Sirius said. And with that, they went on a hunt for worms. They looked under rocks and they dug holes. It took them a half-an-hour to find enough to fill the container.
Sirius went digging in the bag, and found the fishing rods. "Ready?" he asked, and they clambered into the raft, Harry paddled as they set out for the middle of the lake.
Harry tied the string to the hook, and put the bait on the end. He watched Sirius cast the lure, and tried to repeat his motion, his line falling a few feet short, so he reeled it in and tried again.
Harry leaned back against the edge of the boat. Sirius hung his head over one side, and his legs over the other. "What now?"
"We wait." Sirius said with his eyes closed. "We'll have to keep each other awake of course."
Harry didn't catch the next thing he said. He felt a tugging at the fishing poll. "I think I've got something." Harry started reeling the line back in, while Sirius helped him hold the poll steady. "This feels big." He said.
The fish emerged from the water, and Harry saw himself looking at a foot long trout. "Nice one Har." Sirius praised. He watched the thing flop hopelessly from the poll and Sirius helped him get it off and get the hook back.
They stayed out there for another hour. By that time, they had caught seven fish. Sirius volunteered to row back to the campsite. By that time it was eight o'clock, and Harry just wanted to go back to sleep. Harry dragged the raft back to shore, and Sirius got the fish.
"Do you know how to prepare the fish so that you can eat them?"
"I just though you were suppose to fry them up like that." Sid Harry naively.
"Eww! With the eyeballs in there and everything?" asked Sirius. "Nah, there is a way that your suppose to cut them up. I'll show you" Sirius proceeded to show Harry how to prepare the fish.
"I hope you like trout, because it seems like that's all we're going to be eating for the next week."
End Chapter XII- misunderstandings and fishing
End Notes: Sorry it was so short and ended so abruptly, but I had gotten carried away in the chapter and had reached five thousand words, and I try to make four thousand my limit, though I've been pretty bad at making it exact. So, sorry, I lied. The next chapter will probably have him back at Hogwarts. *Sigh* why is it that when ever you set a date for him to go back to school, you always get great ideas for what he could have done during the summer. And it was all a fluffy mess, and everyone loves a fluffy mess of a story. But I achieved my goal. Harry and Sirius are comfortable around each other.
I'm going to miss the summer. I really am! God, now it's gotten me all depressed! I'm going to have to go back to school. I wish I could go to Hogwarts; then I would want to go back to school. I think in every Harry/Sirius bond fic, everyone loves the summer best. I finished the last chapter of Loss. Almost cried too. It was a very nice chapter though! This fic will last until winter break. I've already made plans for a sequel though. The sequel will be… er, interesting; the complete opposite of this fic.
I'm kind of preoccupied because I insisted that my mom sign me up for this creative writing course, and I have to take sculpture by default. Summer camp is one of those things that you try once, forget how much you despised it, and end up taking it again. Needless to say I'm not enjoying it, but it cost my mom 200 dollars, so I'm stuck taking it.
So, I started a Yahoo! (I think for copy right purposes I have to include the !) Group. I don't know why… I'm very compulsive at times. It's called Sirius_Denial, and I will admit, I got the idea after reading Sarah Peach's new screen name, so, sorry. If you want me to, I'll change the name to avoid embezzlement charges. Anyway, It's a site for people, like me, (And by the reviews, I'd guess that everyone reading this fic is in some Sirius denial as well) who don't believe Sirius is dead. He's not dead! So this group is mostly for people writing in the land of AU Harry/Sirius bonding… Heck, anything to do with Sirius – Alive and well – is welcome to come and advertise their fiction, or point out anything that they have read that they liked or something. Also, It will serve as a way for me to tell you when I've updated Loss, if anyone cares.
Excuse the shameless plug. The group isn't much, nobody has joined so far but I assume that it's because nobody knows about it… or nobody cares. : (
Sirius, want to do that reviews again?
Sirius: Don't you think that the reviewers deserve that personal touch of you responding to your own reviews?
Are you saying that I'm lazy?
Sirius: I didn't say that!
You implied it… and I think that the reviewers like you better.
Responses to reviews:
Gold Silk: Poor Ron. Thanks for your concern. Ron will be out any time now, soon as Hpfan gets around to it.
A.Dee: Thanks for the review, even if you had to rush it. You probably couldn't review again… Katie's had that problem before. Just say what you wanted to say about that chapter next time.
Cassie:
Sirius: Katie wants to answer this one herself.
Katie: Aww, I'm honored! You really want to use my quote in your story? That's soo cool! You're welcome to do it! Thank you for the kind review.
Senshichan14: Whoa! What a review. Cookies, hugs and threats, all in one. Hi Senshican. How are you doing? Katie is a big fan of fluffiness. Hope you liked that segment of Loss, cause it's gonna start getting bumpy.
OOo- Sirius –oOo: Thank you for the review. Katie loves your fics too. She really liked 'Come up to Meet You but Not Yet' That one was really good.
Megan: *Sirius starts to respond, but Katie yanks the keyboard out of his hands* Heck no! You're not doing this one!
Katie: Tell you what, when J.K. hands over the legal rights of Harry Potter to me, and gives me Cho Chang to do whatever I want to her, *Grins equally evil* then Sirius will dump his girlfriend and let you molest him! Though, well, you'll see what's going to happen…
Sirius: Love you too Katie!
Thanks for the review though. I like how you phrased that… dynamic, can act like a best friend or a father depending on Harry's needs. I might add that to my summery. Hmm. Thanks for the review.
Tinkerfluff: here, have all the confetti you want. *Sprinkles Tinkerfluff with tons of virtual confetti* I have too much of the junk, it's taking up Katie's hard drive – or what's left of it -. That's okay. You can ask about my Girlfriend… I can't guarantee I'll answer, but you can ask.
Midnight Kat: Interesting… how? Well, anyway, you can join the club… or hey, join the Yahoo! Group. See above for details.
Next Chapter: (title subject to change) Loss and Find. I'm part of the way done, so it will be out sooner then this chapter. Hopefully… I'm almost positive that Harry will be going back to Hogwarts next chapter, but then again, this chapter kind of dragged, but, oh well. I'll try.
See you next time.
Sirius: Bye bye all.