Loss
By BlackPotterGrl (Changed my pen name, as, it seems, many others did)
In my profile is a link to Sirius_Denial, which is a joint mailing list for people who want to be informed of Loss being updated, and it's also for those of you in Sirius denial. (Yes, thank you Sarahpeach for the idea for the name) It's a group for those of us who are trapped in the land of AU, who wish to forget that there ever was a fifth Harry Potter book while in the land of fanfiction. (I know, I can't talk as Loss has some references to OotP, but it's still AU) PPPPUUUUHHHHLLLLLEEEEAAAAASSSSEEEE Join?
Chapter XIIV- Loss and Find
Sirius finally agreed to let Harry sleep if Harry would let him sleep later that day. He woke him up at eleven o'clock later that morning so he made lunch. He dug out some cooking tools and filleted the trout, deciding he was going to have to experiment the ways of cooking fish because trout was undoubtedly going to get boring fast.
They both ate their meals in silence. After Sirius finished cleaning up, Harry asked, "Not to seem, er, ungrateful or anything, but besides fishing, what are we suppose to do?"
"Well, we can go swimming, or flying. Or, we could combine the two." Sirius offered.
Harry gave him a look. "And how exactly do you hope to achieve that?" Harry asked.
"Change into your bathing suit, and I'll show you." Harry changed into his bathing suit, still anxious, as he had never really learned how to properly swim. He still felt a bit awkward with the scars on his arms contrasting heavily with his pasty complexion. He decided to keep a tee shirt just for his peace of mind. Sirius also kept a shirt on which didn't really bother Harry. He put on globs of sun tan lotion, knowing he would be burnt badly otherwise.
"You just need to put up a containment charm over the surface of the lake." He muttered something and a shield-like structure surrounded the lake, and then disappeared. Sirius mounted his broom, flew upwards, then did a back flip, fell from the broom, and ended up diving into the water. Harry watched with amazement. Sirius's broom flew back toward Harry, and hovered above the ground, waiting to be mounted.
Sirius began swimming toward shore. "That was probably the most fun I have had since before Azkaban." Sirius said, shaking his head almost doggishly. Harry still stared with his mouth open.
"How was water?" Harry asked, putting his ankle in the lake.
"Cold, and fish filled, but otherwise it was fine." Sirius said.
Harry walked in up to his knees. The water was freezing cold. He dived into it and closed his eyes. He could barely float in the water, and ended up thrashing around, trying not to sink. Sirius swam out to help him.
"You know, it's no different then when you were in the lake at Hogwarts, except you don't have webbed feet. You just use your arms and legs to propel you across the water."
"You know, I think the reason I'm so bad at swimming is because of the bad experiences I've had with the pool. The only time the Dursley ever took me was when my baby-sitter/person-who-makes-sure-I-don't-blowup-the-house, Mrs. Figg, was sick. That encounter forever scarred me."
"What could happen at a pool that is that bad?" Sirius asked skeptically. "Were you held under water for too long or something?"
"Obviously you have never seen my cousin before. If you had, you can imagine the horror of seeing him in a bathing suit." Harry shuddered.
Sirius laughed. "What, you think it's funny? I had to live with the image! I still do. They had pictures all around the house of him at the beach. One right outside my cupboard, too. I think they put it there to wake me up in the morning."
Sirius chuckled. Then his face changed into seriousness. "What do you mean, your cupboard?" he asked.
"Uh, nothing." He said. He hadn't realized that Sirius didn't know that he slept in a cupboard, and he wasn't going to mention it now.
Sirius gave Harry a stern look, and tightened the grasp he had on his arm. "Harry."
Harry looked at him. Sirius was too stubborn for his own good. "I meant my bedroom. It was where I slept." He said, trying to pull his arm from Sirius's grip, but Sirius wouldn't let go.
"They made you sleep in a cupboard?" he said in a threatening voice.
"Only until I was eleven." He said, wondering why he was standing up for the Durlseys.
"Eleven! Wait a minute. If they moved you into another room when you were eleven, that means that they had extra rooms in their house… and they made you sleep in a cupboard!"
"Sirius… I, they- please, you're hurting me." He said. Sirius looked down and released Harry's arm like he had been burned.
"I- Sorry." Sirius replied, and dropped the subject.
Harry tautly moved away, trying to hold his own in the water. After he got use to swimming around the lake, he told Sirius he was going to try to do that trick Sirius had done.
"Harry, you barely know how to swim. Maybe once you get better you can do it." Sirius told him.
Harry looked disappointed, and splashed him. Sirius's eyes narrowed, and Harry knew he had gotten himself in deeper then he should. Sirius pushed a huge wave of water into Harry face. "Splash fight!" they both yelled simultaneously. Soon they were circling each other, trying to catch the other off guard.
"Remember Sirius, I can't swim yet. I might drown." Sirius looked irritated by this fact, and splashed him anyway. They quickly got into an all out war, splashing, and holding each other under the water.
"Sirius, I think I swallowed a fish." Harry said as they made their way back up toward the tent.
Sirius snorted. "It couldn't be that big if you managed to swallow it. It was probably just a leaf or something."
"No, it was definitely a fish. I could feel it moving all the way down." Harry said.
"Consider it a snack." Sirius told him. Harry looked slightly green. "If you're that paranoid go purge yourself or something."
Both of them were sopping wet, and as it was still midday, Harry simply plopped down on the ground and let the sun dry him off. He lay there for roughly fifteen minutes, letting the sun beat down on his face.
The night came, and with it brought the feeling Harry always got before needing to go to sleep. He got into bed, and a thought crossed his mind. If he didn't fall asleep, would he miss the dream, or would he pass out or something? When he suggested it to Sirius, he replied, asking him whether or not he really didn't want to have the dream.
"Do you really want to try it? If you don't show up, what do you think will happen to Ron?" Sirius asked him.
Harry sighed. Wasn't Sirius the one who kept telling him that he shouldn't take the responsibility for what had happened to Ron onto himself? Could he really do it though? Abandon his friend in a dark empty cell, after being held captive for two weeks? No. He wasn't even sure that it would work, so he didn't want to try it.
As Harry was getting undressed that night, he looked over, and noticed as Sirius was taking off his shirt that he had scars and marks all over his chest. Sirius observed him looking and got embarrassed and sheepish. He turned around to the bed to put his shirt on and Harry saw what looked like belt, and whip marks all over his back. Harry strangled back a gasp, and put his shirt on hastily, and scurried into bed.
Sirius didn't bother to tell him what they were. He knew. They were scars from the abuse. (AN: It kind of reminds me of that movie, Pay It Forward. That movie was so sad.) He looked up at the ceiling, wondering if his life would ever get less complicated.
______
Ron had finally come around. He didn't talk much, and he looked sheepish, but Harry wondered whether it was because of his silence or if he was still embarrassed about crying. Harry told Ron that they would have him out of there by the time he went back to school, and Ron told him that he wished he could spend some time with his parents before he went back to Hogwarts. Harry assured him that his parents would probably come to see him, but Ron knew that he couldn't guarantee anything.
The most alarming thing about the dream was that when Voldemort came in to torture him, Ron didn't scream, didn't even yell out. It was slightly scary. Ron's face contorted with pain, but he didn't make any noise. Voldemort seemed to hold Ron under the curse for hours. Finally Ron broke and started crying in pain. Harry didn't know how to react now. He knew that Ron had been trying to prove that he was brave, and could handle the pain, and it would be another blow to his ego if Harry had to comfort him again. Voldemort left and Ron soon composed himself.
Harry walked over to help him up. "Only a couple more days, Ron. Hold in there." He said, putting a hand on his shoulder.
________
The week was enjoyable, spent longing around, and talking. Harry told Sirius about his previous experiences, and Sirius told Harry stories of his father. He mentioned things about Remus that Harry couldn't even imagine.
As much as it pained Sirius to say it to Harry – Harry could tell that Sirius wished it wasn't so, if only for the sake of ranting – Peter wasn't the tag-along little pansy that Harry imagined him. He admitted dolefully that Peter had a few good qualities, like his skill on the quidditch pitch.
"Sometimes I wondered when it started with him. I hate the little rat, but he wasn't always the bastard he turned into! I really considered him one of my best friends, and he just…" Sirius cut himself off. "I considered him my brother, and he betrayed me." It was somewhat peculiar, and yet, reassuring that Sirius was so open with him. Harry felt good to know that Sirius confided in him as much as he did Sirius. It was always a tiny bit unnerving, the idea of revealing a lot to a parental figure and not getting anything back. As stupid as Harry felt about it, he was always paranoid, telling people things that they might possibly use them against him. It made him feel like a jerk, but he felt better knowing that Sirius considered him… almost like a friend, as much as a son.
On the third day of the trip, Harry and Sirius where out on the lake fishing. "So, Harry… You're going back to Hogwarts soon, huh?" Sirius said. Harry wondered whether he should humor Sirius, or tease him.
"Well, it's not uncommon for a fifteen year old to go back to school after the summer has ended, is it?" Harry asked him, attaching a worm to the end of his hook.
"You know what I mean." Sirius apparently wanted to have a serious conversation. "I, er, I got a letter a couple of days ago, and I wanted to know what you thought of me teaching." Sirius said tensely.
Harry turned his head abruptly. "You've been offered a job?" Harry asked.
Sirius looked anxious. "Yeah. I didn't want to take it or anything; you know, it might cause you to be uncomfortable with me being there." Sirius said, averting his eyes to stare at his line. "I mean I don't have to work. I have enough money in my account to get a mansion, a Ferrari, and support the Weasleys for the rest of our lives." He said nonchalantly.
"Sirius how is it that you can be so calm when you're so friggin rich?" Harry asked him.
"I've always had too much money to really have to worry about anything. As long as I have enough to live, I'm fine." He said shrugging. "But back to the subject."
"I think that it's great! What subject are you teaching?" Harry asked excitedly, remembering the topic.
"I'm the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor." Sirius told him with excitement. "And evidently, Professor Bins quit, in search of a more… exciting afterlife."
Harry could hear Sirius straining to keep his voice straight. There was a moment of silence, and then they both burst out in laughter. "So, who is replacing him?" Harry asked.
"Oh, I'm not sure, I think it's a woman though." Sirius said. "So you're completely positive that this isn't going to bother you? Because I don't have to do it." Sirius offered.
Harry shook his head. "Even if I did have a problem, which I don't, I wouldn't stop you from doing something you want to do. If you really think that teaching is what you really want to do, then go for it!" Harry said.
_______
After finding out that Sirius was going to be coming to Hogwarts with him, everything seemed a lot more optimistic. He didn't notice the slowly dying summer, and the feeling of fall speeding toward them seemed to die down, and he began to anticipate the school year.
Sirius on the other hand, seemed to be getting nervous. Harry assumed that it was the threat of teaching. Harry tried calming him down, telling him to relax and enjoy the rest of the summer. Sirius at least made an attempt at acting calm around Harry but he saw through it.
Harry spent his days learning to swim good enough that Sirius would let him try that cool dive. When he wasn't swimming or fishing with Sirius, he was relaxing in the sun. After taking a lap around the lake, he collapsed into the roots of a huge tree with Sirius in tow.
He lay against the rough bark, put his face up the sun. He pulled out his practice snitch and played with that for a little while, letting it fly around his head for a little while then abruptly snatching his hand up with his seeker reflexes, and taking it from the air.
He played with the snitch for a while, his mind drifting slightly but a prickly feeling on his neck caused him to look over. He saw the Sirius was watching him. The corner of his lips where quirked up in a half grin as he watch Harry grab the golden ball from the air.
Harry stared at him in inquisitively. Sirius just shook his head to himself. "It's almost scary how much you look like your father." Sirius just said fondly.
Harry sunk down lower against the tree so that only his head remained leaning against it. He didn't know how to take the remark, so he didn't bother questioning Sirius about it.
________
It was with a sad heart, but excited heart that they packed up and left the woods. Their last day spent in The Snidget Shack was spent packing up everything.
Harry found that he just about had to sit on his trunk to close it with all of the new stuff that Sirius had got for him. He had never been one to throw things out as he never had much, but he decided to put all of Dudley's old things in a bag and donate them, though he really didn't think that homeless or poor people where fat enough to fill Dudley's old things, he wondered if he should look up a foundation for the fat, short people of the world.
Sirius decided that for their last night at home, they would go out for dinner to celebrate Harry becoming a prefect in school.
They floed to the Leaky Cauldron, and went to a small place for dinner. Though initially, Harry wondered why they didn't just go to the Leaky Cauldron to eat, he gradually understood that they were better off eating in a smaller, more unknown place, as this.
"It's nice, not having to cook, isn't it?" Sirius asked him. Harry nodded with enthusiasm. Though, oddly enough, Harry had come to enjoy cooking.
"Maybe I'll have the baked trout? What do you think Sirius?" Harry asked. He smirked, as Sirius turned slightly green and looked queasy.
"Don't read to much into this, because I really do love your cooking… but I never want to hear the word fish again! Never!" Sirius said. Harry nodded vehemently, agreeing with him full force.
Harry picked at his food a little bit, still feeling slightly depressed about leaving. He knew Sirius noticed this, but he didn't say anything.
After dinner, they both went out for ice cream. Harry ordered a small cone, while Sirius got a huge sundae. He actually managed to eat the whole thing. Harry, who had been done fifteen minutes before, watched in wonder as Sirius seemed undaunted by the size of the sundae, and kept shoveling it down. People from other tables watched as well.
"Come on, Sirius! You already ate all of the appetizers, your meal, and most of mine! If you weren't extremely skinny already, I would worry about you getting fat." Harry told him.
Sirius replied with a shrug, and went back to eating. When he had finished, people at other tables applauded vigorously. Harry sunk down under the table, while Sirius seemed happy. The man at the register refused to let him pay, claiming that he 'drew in customers'.
Sirius knew that it was the last night of summer vacation and Harry and Sirius stayed up watching movies and talking for a while. They both knew that it would be a long time before they could both spend time together doing this sort of thing freely, and Sirius wanted to make the most of it.
Harry laid across the couch, put his back against Sirius's side. Sirius played with his hair. "Next summer will be better, Har." Sirius said, as if condoling him.
Harry was surprised by this. He tilted his head up to look at Sirius, not wanting to turn around and move from the comfortable position he was in. "Sirius, this has been the best summer ever! It can't get better then it is." Harry said in a soft tired voice. "I just wish it could have lasted longer." Harry said, quietly to himself.
"But this school year will be great though, huh?" Sirius said brightly. Harry nodded, feeling quite drowsy. When Harry finally fell asleep, he found to his surprise, that he had no dreams of Ron. He woke up to Sirius shaking him.
"What? Wha's goin' on?" Harry felt confused.
"You didn't wake up last night." Sirius told him.
"Do you think that means…?" Harry asked.
"It might. And we have to get going." Sirius told him.
Harry got up and went to his room to go change. He looked around his room, not only to see if he had left anything behind, but also to get a last look at it before he went away. He went downstairs with his trunk, and pulled it along.
"Sirius, how are we getting there?" Harry asked.
"My bike of course." Sirius stated.
"What are you going to do with your bike when we go to Hogwarts?" Harry asked.
"I'm going to keep it there. See, I'm dropping you off at the train station, and then I'm driving there." Sirius stated. "I'm going to need my bike there. The school year is way to long a time to go without a joy ride once or twice." Sirius said with a smirk.
They were up in the air a few minutes later, and Sirius insisted that once they got past the forest and into more of the city, they had to go on land. After sitting in traffic for fifteen minutes, they finally made it to the train station. Sirius and Harry pulled up, and began unloading his stuff onto a cart. Sirius waved him off outside the barrier, telling him he'd see him at the opening feast.
It wasn't exactly much of a reunion, when he got onto the train. He saw the rest of the Weasley, all looking just as bad as Ron's parents had. Hermione and him went got into a compartment together. They smiled and exchanged pleasantries, but it wasn't as much fun without Ron for comic relief. They played a round of exploding snap, but Hermione then pulled out a book, and began reading, so Harry just shrugged and went off to find the Weasleys.
In the compartment that Fred George and Ginny were sitting in, there was a very solemn silence, as everyone seemed to be lost in their own depression filled trance, as they unseeingly stared out the window.
Harry didn't even bother with them. He was better off in the compartment with Malfoy and his thugs. He went back to the compartment with Hermione, and took out a book and read along with her.
Unlike Hermione, Harry couldn't get indulged with his book enough to keep his mind off of… current events. He decided that Hermione deserved to know what was going on.
"Hermione?" Harry struggled to get her attention. "I- er, didn't have a dream about Ron last night. I don't know what that means. I don't think we should jump to any conclusion though. It either means the best or…"
Hermione slowly lowered her book, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Harry walked over to her, and sat down besides her. He gently gave her a one-armed-hug. He heard her choke back a sob, and patted her back softly.
_______
Harry slowly got out of the train and he and Hermione scrambled into a carriage. They rode along in silence. Since Harry made his revelation, there had been complete silence in their compartment. Harry was very grateful that Malfoy didn't show up and wreak havoc in the middle of the silence.
The carriage pulled through the gates and the students climbed through the doors to Hogwarts. Harry could hear the student's voices seemingly coming from a thousand miles away. He felt like he and Hermione were enclosed in a bubble that isolated them from everyone else's excitement and joy of a new school year.
They went into the great hall, and Harry noticed Sirius sitting up at the staff table. Harry nudged Hermione. "Did I mention that Sirius is teaching this year?" Harry asked. Hermione shook her head, and something akin to a small smile passed across her face.
They were going to sit at the table, when Professor McGonagall came swooping down upon him, Hermione and the Weasleys. "After the feast, you are to report to Dumbledore's office." She stated in an expressionless tone.
The sorting flew by. It was very uninteresting to them as they exchanged varied expressions of nervousness, reassurance, and sadness. Dumbledore's speech seemed unimportant to everyone.
On any other basis, when Sirius was announced as the new defense teacher, Harry and Hermione would have cheered, and clapped for him, even if they were the only one, but Harry could only bring himself to clap slightly, and he was the only one. The rest of the school seemed to be stunned. The rest of the staff also clapped, bar Snape.
The new History of Magic professor was also introduced. When Professor Dumbledore introduced her as Professor Murphy, there was lively applause for her. Someone also whistled. She seemed extremely flustered about that, and blushed. She sat down and began talking animatedly to Sirius. This wasn't what caught Harry's attention; it was that she was a brunette.
End Chapter XIIV- Loss and Find
End notes: *wiggles eyebrows* Hmm? How was that? The biggest cliché in the whole friggin world, huh? But I know you loved it anyway. Did you like my attempt at suspenseful-ness? A double cliffhanger to shake the ages. Well, what more is there to say? I just don't know.
Thank you Sky, Cierra, Srialb, (Though your review slightly frightened me) and Trance for your reviews.
Take it away Sirius!
Replies to reviews:
Senshichan14: I'm great! Nice of you to say hello to me. I mean, things are going to get interesting, like, a few plot twists, like this chapter for instance. BlackPotterGrl maybe the genius, but I'm the muse. I'm the one who makes her get off her fat lazy, bum and get to writing. And trust me, it takes a lot! She needs to get her fanfix (Pun, get it?) before she writes and it takes a while sometimes. It's a good thing virtual sweets are no calories or we would get fat!
SarahPeach: How was that? Most of the chapter was boring, but that's because Katie lost all ideas for what Harry and I could do for the summer, so she sent us back to Hogwarts with orders to make with the interesting. I know that this isn't going to stop you from badgering us about the mysterious brunette, but you will find out more, maybe next chapter. I don't know about the whole prefect thing though. Is that what you were talking about, or was it something else? Ron getting away from Voldy? Maybe… or Ron dying at Voldemort's hands. That would make a good plot twist, wouldn't it? Would she? Hmm.
Moonlady: I know exactly what you mean! Where are people getting these crazy ideas, huh? Join the yahoo group. Thank you for the complement. Of course, it depends on how much you like soap operas I guess. More chapters a-comin.
A.Dee: Hmm, what's left to say to you that BlackPotterGrl haven't already? She liked the fan art. She would post the fan art for Loss but she doesn't have a scanner, and she's waiting for her sister's laptop so that I can go over to her cousins and use theirs. Katie will most-likely post it on her Yahoo Group if she gets a chance, but it sucks. Thank you for reviewing even though you weren't in the mood. Have fun with the fic.
Starlette/WallytheWhale: Damn; This reply's going to be long! Most of the questions you asked where answered in later chapters. PDA stands for Public Display of Affection. Ron may die… or he might not. It depends on how sadistic Katie's feeling while writing the story. Excuse me! I am soooo not gay!
Remus: I'm wounded! I am so not a woman, not am I dating Sirius! Sorry Padfoot, but ewww!
Sirius: Not taking offence this time. Snape isn't the one is freeing Ron, or at least he isn't the only one. Katie's glad that she enriched you with her statement of Harry looking down at his knees. Everyone likes to eat on me, huh? Damn J.K.! She's a children author, and now? She's a violent ax-wielding murderer!
I loved that statement too! I'm going to scare the wits out of my mom with that one now! Oh it's going to be fun! Katie and me actually liked reading your chapter-by-chapter reviews. They were funny! You never mentioned nhow you liked the confrontation between Harry and me though.
Alastormadeymoody51: You can't complain! Poor Harry had to sleep in a cupboard for 10 years, and you saw the size of that thing.