Much Ado
By Rhea
Rating: Maybe starting to approach R
Okay, I felt guilty about how depressing the last post was, and since this was supposed to be a "fun" fic, I wanted to post this next part quickly. So this is for all you guys that left me feedback. Thanks again! You're the best!
Disclaimer : Blah Blah Blah. I make no claim on the Star Wars copyright.
I have not nor will I ever make any money from the sale of this story.
This is written with the intent to support the fan base and not in an effort to make money. This work is based on characters and situations that
are owned by George Lucas and Lucasfilms Ltd and Timothy Zahn.
Part Six
Talon walked away, his posture speaking of defeat. Mara felt her heart go out to him, and any resentment that she had felt toward her friend evaporated. He had tried to meddle with her life but had come off worse in the encounter with Solo.
As if by silent acknowledgment, the guests began to leave. It was a subtle retreat, but within a few minutes the place was relatively empty. Luke and Mara were left standing alone uncertain of what to do. Neither of them wanted to leave. Neither of them wanted to stay.
Unable to withstand the tension any longer, Mara turned on her heel and walked out of the over bright hall. She made her way past tables of dirty dishes and half filled glasses of abandoned ale until she located a small exit hidden behind a curtain. She pushed the curtain out of her way and left the building.
It was dark outside and she found herself standing on a narrow stairwell that was protected by a durasteel railing and little else. It seemed that Mara could see across the entire planet from this small unassuming passageway. The wind blew turbulently through the vast high-rises surrounding her. The glow of multicolored signs cast light in all hues against the sides of buildings. The city was so large, and it made her feel so small.
Mara knew that Skywalker had followed her. In fact, she had counted on it. She had wanted to get away, to put some distance between that awkward scene inside, but she hadn't truly wanted to escape the Jedi. She didn't know what she wanted. No - that wasn't true. Mara wanted the lie to be the truth. She wanted the illusion to be reality. But she was use to harsh facts, and she steeled herself for this confrontation with Skywalker.
The Jedi joined her on the small stairwell and leaned against the railing to gaze out at the view with her. For a moment they just stood against the railing Mara glanced down at Skywalker's hands as they grasped the durasteel and noted that his knuckles were white. He wasn't as relaxed as he had first appeared. Their eyes met and then nervously darted away to fix on the view once more. They remained like that for a long time.
Eventually Mara felt her guard relax and her spine lost some of its stiffness. When she finally glanced down at Skywalker's hands, she noted that his grip had lessened. Her hair had tangled around her face in the wind, and she tucked the strands behind her ears as she finally met the Jedi's gaze. One side of Luke's mouth tugged upward in a smile and he seemed about to help her with her hair, and then thought better of it.
"Happy birthday," Mara whispered.
His fingers found the Jedi medallion under his clothing and he grasped it for a moment. "Thanks," he said. "For the present too."
"But I haven't given you your present yet. . . " Mara said thinking of the blasters, and then she realized what he was talking about. He pulled the necklace out and it caught the multicolored lights of Coruscant and glittered provocatively.
Mara flushed and turned away. She almost told him that she tried to cancel, but decided that would be even more telling. "You're wearing it."
"You think I wouldn't want to? It's beautiful, Mara."
When their eyes caught once more, they were unable to look anywhere else.
"I didn't know. . . .I just thought. . . " but Mara couldn't finish her statement.
Luke's voice was low, but Mara could hear it above the wind. "I take it you know what Leia and Talon did." He dropped the pendant, and it continued to glint in a mocking reminder of her lost hopes.
Mara nodded. "I only just found out." She was proud of how casual her voice sounded.
"Where does that leave us?" Luke asked.
Mara looked away, unable to stand looking him in the eye. She opened her mouth to answer, and then found that she had no words. Where did that leave them?
"Please tell me what you're thinking. What are you feeling right now?" The entreaty made her heart ache and Mara glanced sideways at Skywalker.
"I hate it when I'm manipulated. I hate when I think a lie's the truth." Mara finally said.
Luke exhaled heavily. "Is that what you think? That this was all a lie?"
"You tell me, Skywalker." Mara said turning on her heel to face him, her eyes simmering with anger, but Luke could feel her hurt as well.
"I don't think it was so much of a lie as a revelation," he finally said. "I don't know how you feel about me, but what they said about my feelings . . . they were all true. I can't deny them any longer." He stared down at his hands.
"That you always loved me, even from the beginning. Come on Skywalker. They had to thrust me under your nose like a prize Taun Taun before you even realized that I was there."
Luke winced as he looked into her eyes. "That's not true," he said. "I never allowed myself to even call what I felt for you as love because of how much you seemed to hate me. Even now, you lash out at me when I tell you that I love you. But I realized after I learned of what had happened, what they had done, that even after I had told you that I loved you, you never told me the same." He shook his head. "I still love you." He thumped his chest. "I still feel it here."
Mara stared at him for a long moment and then pressed the back of her hand to her mouth. Her eyes burned with unshed tears and she wanted to walk away from him before he could see her weakness. But she knew that if she did that, it would be the coward's way out. She couldn't stop the sob that escaped her lips and she turned away from Luke trying to compose herself.
"I'm sorry, Luke." She took a few shuddering breaths before she said into the wind, gazing out across the skyline of Coruscant. "What they said about me. It's true too."
The anguished look faded from his face as her words settled in his heart. With her back turned to him, Mara couldn't see the way Luke smiled brilliantly, his eyes dancing. He quickly dampened down his expression, knowing that Mara wasn't ready for his elation at her admission.
Luke joined her by the railing, and tentatively took her hand. She continued, "You never showed me any sign that you cared."
He opened his mouth to protest and she waved it away. "Oh you were there when I needed you, ready to give your life for me if necessary. But I thought that was just duty and your innate sense of nobility. You always were the hero. I never dreamed that you could give me anything else."
"Wasn't me being there for you a sign that I cared?"
Mara glanced at him out of the side of her eyes. "It hurts though."
Luke was taken aback. His eyes grew wide, and he tried, somewhat unsuccessfully, to keep the distress from showing on his face. "It hurts you to feel anything for me?" He asked.
"The lies. They let me believe that you've had these . . .feelings." Mara almost spit the words out, "for years." She turned to face him. "I felt so bad for you."
"You felt pity?" His expression grew shuttered. He didn't want her pity.
Mara made a noise that conveyed her disgust at his comment. "I was so thrilled at the thought. It made me look at myself. To be honest for once in my life and truly examine what I felt for you. What I always had felt for you." Luke's eyes glittered as he watched her strive for the right words. She almost faulted, but she needed to say this thing. There was no use holding back any longer. "When I learned that it wasn't true, that I'd been set up. . .I was angry, but mostly I was sad. It was then that I realized that what I wanted most of all was the lie to be the truth."
Luke considered his words and then spoke, "Our past has been . . . colorful. But throughout all of it, I've always felt this connection to you. There were always obstacles between us, some so great I resolved myself to be content with your friendship. But it was there. Always. I denied it so that I wouldn't have to feel the hopeless futility of it, but I've always had feelings for you Mara."
He took her hands in his, and Mara smiled at the warm almost yearning look in his eye. She could feel his emotions spilling past his Force barriers, and her heart swelled in response.
"I could feel our connection too. It was damned annoying at times." Mara said affectionately.
Luke smiled broadly. "I'm just sorry that it's taken us so long to get to this place in our lives."
"Maybe we needed the time to be able to get to this place." Mara suggested.
Luke nodded contemplatively. His grip tightened and his face grew serious. "But don't ever doubt that I love you. I've always loved you. I just never believed that you could . . ."
"Love you?" Mara finished the sentence. "I do, you know. I love you so much that it hurts. "
They gazed at each other and moved in perfect synchronicity into a kiss. The passion burst forth and they clung to each other, still feeling as if something was going to come along and rip them apart. All of their inhibitions dropped away, unleashing a hot, primitive need for human contact. Luke threaded his fingers in Mara's hair possessively. Mara groaned and pushed hard against him, so that she could feel his muscular chest press against her breasts, his need already hard against her belly.
Their hands roamed, mouths tasted, united in the desire to merge together -to become one. Mara moved against Luke, pushing her hips against him in a provocative rhythm. Luke groaned into her mouth and pulled his lips free to explore the length of her neck. His callused hands skimmed the length of Mara's bare back and gripped her hips tightly pressing her hard against him.
Mara flung her head back in response, her eyes closed, and tangled her fingers in his slightly too long hair holding his face against her neck. Luke could feel the wild pulse throb against his lips, and he felt alive. He felt free. The desire was consuming all of his reason, and it wouldn't take too much imagination to remove her clothing here on this unassuming walkway. He could feel the railing pressing painfully into his back, but he didn't care. Mara was beautiful, lost in passion. Luke was amazed at how responsive she was, and wondered if it would be so bad if they made love out here.
But he wanted more for her.
Sensing his hesitation, Mara raised her head and gave him a heavy lidded look. "What's wrong?" She asked.
"Nothing. That is if you don't mind driving me out of my mind and tearing your clothes off and making love to you right here."
"I don't mind." Mara said breathlessly.
"I do. Everything about us has been . . done in the heat of battle. I would rather our first time together be . . .deliberate. I know it's too soon to talk of the future, but I know that I want to be with you forever."
Mara thought about slipping her dress off her shoulders and making it obvious just how deliberate she could be. But there was a vulnerability in his eyes, that stopped her. He wanted to forge something more then passion. He wanted to make love to her, he wanted to make it matter and he was right. They really couldn't do that out here. They could have sex, but it would be awkward when the passion faded. She didn't really want that.
Mara nodded. "Let's go back to your place. We can always come back here in . . . oh. . . say fifty years and try it out."
Luke threw his head back and laughed. "Promise me?" he said when he finally was able to speak. His eyes were bright with hope.
"You doubt me?"
"Never." Luke said vehemently.
"I never go back on my word, Skywalker."
Luke didn't need to respond. The heat in his eyes was enough. He took her hand, almost formally, and they made their way back to his place without speaking another word.
Han wished that Chewie was here with him. He had insisted that the Wookiee stay home, because he had known that he would try to stop Han from doing exactly what he had just done - ruin everything. He was a complete and utter fool. He rushed after Leia while his mind was going a quadrant a minute, replaying the whole scenario from the very beginning
When he had first seen them in the cantina together, Han realized that Leia and Talon had hugged affectionately, but hadn't actually kissed. They had been calling each other secretly and then getting together on the sly. But no longer walking in a haze of jealousy, it looked odd but not damning. It still made little sense that Leia would plan Luke's surprise party with Talon Karrde and not Han. And why had the smuggler thought that Han was talking about Mara when he had questioned him about it?
Han's first impulse was to go home. He needed to talk to Leia, clear the air between them, and hope that she could forgive him. With a heavy heart, he knew that they had some major restoration to do on their relationship. He stopped and gazed about him. Damn, he'd lost her. She was probably too upset to go directly home. Chewbacca was there waiting for them, C3P0 was visiting with R2D2 talking about whatever droids talk about.
Where would she go? He racked his brains. Suddenly it hit him. He knew exactly where Leia would go.
Leia inspected the leaf of the cloned lily as if she could read her future in the very veins embedded in the green surface. With a short, polished nail she traced the largest of the lines running through the large, curled leaf, inhaling the scent that reminded her of her childhood. The Alderaanian garden was deserted and dark at this time of night. It was enclosed within glass walls so that the climate control carefully maintained the rare species cultivated within. As she stared upwards she could faintly see the stars, and was grateful that the garden was in a reasonably unpopulated area of Coruscant. Leia watched the sky for a good five minutes and only saw one airship glide across the large view windows.
She had gone through disbelief and anger at the party, rage on the drive over here, and now she just felt hurt and hollow. How could Han do that to her? When had he started to think that she and Talon had been . .. had been lovers? Han had been acting odd ever since he had returned from his trip with Chewbacca.
Had that scene in the cantina looked that bad? It had certainly set him thinking, wondering. Leia tried to see it from her husband's point of view. She had been lying to him about her purpose in meeting Talon. But she'd never given Han any cause to doubt that she would betray him with another man.
Han was extremely intuitive and could read her like a book. He knew that she had been lying to him. Why hadn't she just told him about their plan with Luke and Mara? She hadn't told him because she knew that she really shouldn't do such a thing, that's why. Luke had been right. It was wrong to meddle in other people's lives the way she had. What made her such an authority on what other people wanted? Did she want so much control over her loved ones? Leia knew that she'd been afraid that Han would convince her to stop and she really hadn't wanted to do that.
She could no longer be angry with Han when she realized that if he had done the same to her she would have been furious with him. What was worse? Telling lies or coming to the wrong conclusion? Leia sighed heavily and began to wander the twisting path that curled through the center of the garden. So she had lied to Han, met with Talon in secret, and felt furious when he jumped to conclusions. She closed her eyes and tried to rid her mind of all emotion. It didn't work, but she could think more clearly.
A part of Leia, a deep, dark almost hidden part was actually glad that this had happened. Her husband had been so jealous of her being with another man that he had punched him in front of a crowd of people. Poor Talon. The expression on his face had been priceless. She actually chuckled softly. Her husband loved her that much?
Han entered the Alderaanian garden of remembrance. He hoped she was here. It was one of the places Leia frequented when she was troubled. He searched with increasing anxiety. She had to be here. He had to see her and tell her how much he loved her – how sorry he was for doubting her.
A wisp of her glittering white gown caught the light up ahead. Leia was seated in the central part of the garden gazing into the night's sky. The sound of her chuckling reached him.
"I don't know if that's a good sign, but I'll lay odds that you aren't losing your mind. Now me . . . I wouldn't make the same bet." Han stepped out of the shadows and stopped a good distance away.
Leia gasped and whirled around to face him. She hadn't sensed his approach at all. Half of his face was in shadows and she could see a sardonic smile curving the edges of his mouth. His eyes gazed at her with no humor, however. Instead, they were filled with a passionate intensity that made her almost swoon. He still had this ability to make her want him.
Leia could tell that Han wanted to approach, but was uncertain of his reception. She reached out with the Force and could almost touch his apprehension. He had come and she'd known that he would. Han knew her so well. But then she thought, not well enough to trust that she wouldn't betray him. He hadn't lost a thing in all the years she had known him, least of all his wits.
"I always wondered how long it would take for you to snap." Leia said.
Han chuckled more in relief at the lightness of her tone then at her words. He approached her cautiously and said quickly as if he had rehearsed the words a few times before speaking them to her, "I'm sorry, Leia. I was a stupid nerfherder." His mouth quirked in another smile at the term, "and I should have known, I do know," he insisted. "That you would never do something like that. I was . . . jealous. All those late meetings, secret com communications, and ordering that gift. How was I to know that you were doing it all to plan Luke a birthday party? Why didn't you tell me what was going on?"
"Why didn't you ask?" Leia said pointedly.
Han rubbed his hands over his face before replying, "I should have. I know. I'm asking now."
Leia turned away, not quite hiding a blush. "As much as I'd like to remain angry at you for thinking such terrible things about me, I have to concede and take my share of the guilt. I wasn't just planning Luke's surprise birthday party. Talon and I . . . we were . . ."
Han began to fidget uncomfortably.
"We decided to play match makers."
Han's eyebrows rose. "Match makers? To whom?"
Leia muttered so that Han couldn't hear her.
"I'm sorry I didn't hear you. Could you repeat that?"
"I said, to Mara and Luke."
"What!" Han began to laugh and Leia's face went from embarrassed to furious.
"Stop it, Han. It's not that funny."
But Han couldn't seem to control himself. "You mean to tell me this was all about setting up Luke and Mara Jade on a date?"
"Yes." Leia sat down on a bench in the garden and Han sat down beside her finally getting control of his laughter. His eyes continued to dance at her.
"You are serious." His laughter died for a moment and then resumed.
"It was more than that," Leia protested indignantly. "We... I... was arranging for them to think that the other was, well, in love with them."
Han wiped his eyes. "Luke and Mara! Oh come on! Of all the. . . . Why Luke and Mara? Aren't they always trying to kill each other?"
"Kind of like you and me when we first met." Leia said with a smile.
"I see your point. Although I have to say that I never actually set out to kill you. Just seduce you." Han said suggestively.
"We'll get to that later." Leia said quickly. "But first I have to tell you the whole story."
And she did. Between his incredulous looks to his outright laughter and then his moody silence at the end, Leia felt both amused and saddened about the entire thing. She couldn't seem to banish the look on Luke's face when he had left her apartment. When he had learned the truth about their deception, he seemed devastated. Why would he feel like that? Surely not because his sister had practiced such a deception? Was she more accurate in Luke's feelings than she had even hoped? Could he actually feel something for Mara Jade after all? She wished that he could find happiness. Did he love Mara? Did she love him?
Talk finally drifted away from Luke and Mara to their own relationship. After conversing for a long time and promising each other to never assume the worst ever again, Han and Leia spent the rest of the night in the garden making amends in the most pleasurable way.
The lights slowly rose to a low glow when they entered Luke's apartment. Artoo twittered to them questioningly. "Nothing's wrong, Artoo. No, no mission."
Luke and Mara adopted a casual air around the droid. For a droid, Artoo was amazingly percipient.
"I thought you were visiting with Threepio?" Luke asked the droid almost accusingly.
Artoo beeped a reply that sounded suspiciously like a snort.
Luke smiled reluctantly and shot Mara an apologetic look. "No. Please don't invite him over here."
The little astromech droid gave an electronic chuckle and Luke found Artoo's sense of humor charming. C3P0 was a friend, but there was no doubting that the protocol droid could be exhausting.
Artoo's main photosensor swung toward Mara and then back to Luke in obvious question.
"Mara's going to stay here tonight." Luke said confidently, but he shot her a questioning look.
Mara nodded slowly, her face serious.
The droid warbled something and then turned away to connect to a wall charger.
Luke shrugged and smiled at Mara. They made their way past the main room and ended up in the bedroom in the back. They both desired privacy, but they felt odd about ending up by Luke's bed without any preamble.
They had been friends for years. There was a closeness that neither of them had ever experienced with another individual, a connection that they could feel even now. But they were not lovers, not yet. Neither of them had been intimate with another in a long time, and neither of them had ever felt as emotionally involved with another in their life. Mara had experienced a "closeness" with the Emperor, but it was borne not of love but of conquest. Luke had thought that he had loved Callista, and perhaps he had, in a way, but what he felt for Mara eclipsed anything he had ever felt for another woman.
"Drink?" Luke asked but Mara shook her head. He glanced around his apartment as if seeing it with new eyes. This was so unfamiliar to him. "Excuse me a moment." Luke moved to his bedroom and stared at the bed without really seeing it.
"Luke?" He turned suddenly at the sound of her voice.
"Mara?" He swallowed.
"Is everything alright?" Mara asked.
"It's just a little . . .I don't know. I don't want to rush you."
"I hope your not planning on nine more years. Relax, Skywalker. It's just you and me. You know me. I know you. We can be ourselves. Let's just do what feels right, okay?" she said.
Luke took Mara's hand and she gripped it tightly.
"Don't misunderstand me. I want us to be together, more than anything in the galaxy. I just don't want to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and have you decide that this was all a big mistake." Luke confessed.
She sat down on the bed and tugged his hand gently indicating that he should sit beside her.
"Never." She whispered fiercely.
Her response made a weight lift from his soul. Until he had said the words, he didn't even know that he feared her leaving. The Force was whispering to him, allowing him to feel her desire to make this work, and it made him light headed. They sat side by side unable to look anywhere else except at each other. The passion was still there simmering beneath the surface, but a shyness gripped both of them. If they didn't care so much, it would have been easier to breach. But it felt as if everything they did, ever move, ever word, held great import. It was hard not to be momentarily paralyzed by it.
"I really would like you to stay with me. I don't think I could sleep if you were to leave, but we can just do that if you wish . . .sleep." Luke said tentatively.
Mara's eyelids lowered and she asked huskily, "Is that all you want to do? Sleep?"
Luke shook his head, "Oh no. If I did everything that I want to do with you, we wouldn't sleep for at least a week." His eyes glittered.
Mara's heart sped up and her breathing grew shallow. "Okay."
Luke shook his head, "What?"
"I said, okay. Who needs sleep? What's the use of all this Force stuff, if you can't forgo a little sleep."
By Rhea
Rating: Maybe starting to approach R
Okay, I felt guilty about how depressing the last post was, and since this was supposed to be a "fun" fic, I wanted to post this next part quickly. So this is for all you guys that left me feedback. Thanks again! You're the best!
Disclaimer : Blah Blah Blah. I make no claim on the Star Wars copyright.
I have not nor will I ever make any money from the sale of this story.
This is written with the intent to support the fan base and not in an effort to make money. This work is based on characters and situations that
are owned by George Lucas and Lucasfilms Ltd and Timothy Zahn.
Part Six
Talon walked away, his posture speaking of defeat. Mara felt her heart go out to him, and any resentment that she had felt toward her friend evaporated. He had tried to meddle with her life but had come off worse in the encounter with Solo.
As if by silent acknowledgment, the guests began to leave. It was a subtle retreat, but within a few minutes the place was relatively empty. Luke and Mara were left standing alone uncertain of what to do. Neither of them wanted to leave. Neither of them wanted to stay.
Unable to withstand the tension any longer, Mara turned on her heel and walked out of the over bright hall. She made her way past tables of dirty dishes and half filled glasses of abandoned ale until she located a small exit hidden behind a curtain. She pushed the curtain out of her way and left the building.
It was dark outside and she found herself standing on a narrow stairwell that was protected by a durasteel railing and little else. It seemed that Mara could see across the entire planet from this small unassuming passageway. The wind blew turbulently through the vast high-rises surrounding her. The glow of multicolored signs cast light in all hues against the sides of buildings. The city was so large, and it made her feel so small.
Mara knew that Skywalker had followed her. In fact, she had counted on it. She had wanted to get away, to put some distance between that awkward scene inside, but she hadn't truly wanted to escape the Jedi. She didn't know what she wanted. No - that wasn't true. Mara wanted the lie to be the truth. She wanted the illusion to be reality. But she was use to harsh facts, and she steeled herself for this confrontation with Skywalker.
The Jedi joined her on the small stairwell and leaned against the railing to gaze out at the view with her. For a moment they just stood against the railing Mara glanced down at Skywalker's hands as they grasped the durasteel and noted that his knuckles were white. He wasn't as relaxed as he had first appeared. Their eyes met and then nervously darted away to fix on the view once more. They remained like that for a long time.
Eventually Mara felt her guard relax and her spine lost some of its stiffness. When she finally glanced down at Skywalker's hands, she noted that his grip had lessened. Her hair had tangled around her face in the wind, and she tucked the strands behind her ears as she finally met the Jedi's gaze. One side of Luke's mouth tugged upward in a smile and he seemed about to help her with her hair, and then thought better of it.
"Happy birthday," Mara whispered.
His fingers found the Jedi medallion under his clothing and he grasped it for a moment. "Thanks," he said. "For the present too."
"But I haven't given you your present yet. . . " Mara said thinking of the blasters, and then she realized what he was talking about. He pulled the necklace out and it caught the multicolored lights of Coruscant and glittered provocatively.
Mara flushed and turned away. She almost told him that she tried to cancel, but decided that would be even more telling. "You're wearing it."
"You think I wouldn't want to? It's beautiful, Mara."
When their eyes caught once more, they were unable to look anywhere else.
"I didn't know. . . .I just thought. . . " but Mara couldn't finish her statement.
Luke's voice was low, but Mara could hear it above the wind. "I take it you know what Leia and Talon did." He dropped the pendant, and it continued to glint in a mocking reminder of her lost hopes.
Mara nodded. "I only just found out." She was proud of how casual her voice sounded.
"Where does that leave us?" Luke asked.
Mara looked away, unable to stand looking him in the eye. She opened her mouth to answer, and then found that she had no words. Where did that leave them?
"Please tell me what you're thinking. What are you feeling right now?" The entreaty made her heart ache and Mara glanced sideways at Skywalker.
"I hate it when I'm manipulated. I hate when I think a lie's the truth." Mara finally said.
Luke exhaled heavily. "Is that what you think? That this was all a lie?"
"You tell me, Skywalker." Mara said turning on her heel to face him, her eyes simmering with anger, but Luke could feel her hurt as well.
"I don't think it was so much of a lie as a revelation," he finally said. "I don't know how you feel about me, but what they said about my feelings . . . they were all true. I can't deny them any longer." He stared down at his hands.
"That you always loved me, even from the beginning. Come on Skywalker. They had to thrust me under your nose like a prize Taun Taun before you even realized that I was there."
Luke winced as he looked into her eyes. "That's not true," he said. "I never allowed myself to even call what I felt for you as love because of how much you seemed to hate me. Even now, you lash out at me when I tell you that I love you. But I realized after I learned of what had happened, what they had done, that even after I had told you that I loved you, you never told me the same." He shook his head. "I still love you." He thumped his chest. "I still feel it here."
Mara stared at him for a long moment and then pressed the back of her hand to her mouth. Her eyes burned with unshed tears and she wanted to walk away from him before he could see her weakness. But she knew that if she did that, it would be the coward's way out. She couldn't stop the sob that escaped her lips and she turned away from Luke trying to compose herself.
"I'm sorry, Luke." She took a few shuddering breaths before she said into the wind, gazing out across the skyline of Coruscant. "What they said about me. It's true too."
The anguished look faded from his face as her words settled in his heart. With her back turned to him, Mara couldn't see the way Luke smiled brilliantly, his eyes dancing. He quickly dampened down his expression, knowing that Mara wasn't ready for his elation at her admission.
Luke joined her by the railing, and tentatively took her hand. She continued, "You never showed me any sign that you cared."
He opened his mouth to protest and she waved it away. "Oh you were there when I needed you, ready to give your life for me if necessary. But I thought that was just duty and your innate sense of nobility. You always were the hero. I never dreamed that you could give me anything else."
"Wasn't me being there for you a sign that I cared?"
Mara glanced at him out of the side of her eyes. "It hurts though."
Luke was taken aback. His eyes grew wide, and he tried, somewhat unsuccessfully, to keep the distress from showing on his face. "It hurts you to feel anything for me?" He asked.
"The lies. They let me believe that you've had these . . .feelings." Mara almost spit the words out, "for years." She turned to face him. "I felt so bad for you."
"You felt pity?" His expression grew shuttered. He didn't want her pity.
Mara made a noise that conveyed her disgust at his comment. "I was so thrilled at the thought. It made me look at myself. To be honest for once in my life and truly examine what I felt for you. What I always had felt for you." Luke's eyes glittered as he watched her strive for the right words. She almost faulted, but she needed to say this thing. There was no use holding back any longer. "When I learned that it wasn't true, that I'd been set up. . .I was angry, but mostly I was sad. It was then that I realized that what I wanted most of all was the lie to be the truth."
Luke considered his words and then spoke, "Our past has been . . . colorful. But throughout all of it, I've always felt this connection to you. There were always obstacles between us, some so great I resolved myself to be content with your friendship. But it was there. Always. I denied it so that I wouldn't have to feel the hopeless futility of it, but I've always had feelings for you Mara."
He took her hands in his, and Mara smiled at the warm almost yearning look in his eye. She could feel his emotions spilling past his Force barriers, and her heart swelled in response.
"I could feel our connection too. It was damned annoying at times." Mara said affectionately.
Luke smiled broadly. "I'm just sorry that it's taken us so long to get to this place in our lives."
"Maybe we needed the time to be able to get to this place." Mara suggested.
Luke nodded contemplatively. His grip tightened and his face grew serious. "But don't ever doubt that I love you. I've always loved you. I just never believed that you could . . ."
"Love you?" Mara finished the sentence. "I do, you know. I love you so much that it hurts. "
They gazed at each other and moved in perfect synchronicity into a kiss. The passion burst forth and they clung to each other, still feeling as if something was going to come along and rip them apart. All of their inhibitions dropped away, unleashing a hot, primitive need for human contact. Luke threaded his fingers in Mara's hair possessively. Mara groaned and pushed hard against him, so that she could feel his muscular chest press against her breasts, his need already hard against her belly.
Their hands roamed, mouths tasted, united in the desire to merge together -to become one. Mara moved against Luke, pushing her hips against him in a provocative rhythm. Luke groaned into her mouth and pulled his lips free to explore the length of her neck. His callused hands skimmed the length of Mara's bare back and gripped her hips tightly pressing her hard against him.
Mara flung her head back in response, her eyes closed, and tangled her fingers in his slightly too long hair holding his face against her neck. Luke could feel the wild pulse throb against his lips, and he felt alive. He felt free. The desire was consuming all of his reason, and it wouldn't take too much imagination to remove her clothing here on this unassuming walkway. He could feel the railing pressing painfully into his back, but he didn't care. Mara was beautiful, lost in passion. Luke was amazed at how responsive she was, and wondered if it would be so bad if they made love out here.
But he wanted more for her.
Sensing his hesitation, Mara raised her head and gave him a heavy lidded look. "What's wrong?" She asked.
"Nothing. That is if you don't mind driving me out of my mind and tearing your clothes off and making love to you right here."
"I don't mind." Mara said breathlessly.
"I do. Everything about us has been . . done in the heat of battle. I would rather our first time together be . . .deliberate. I know it's too soon to talk of the future, but I know that I want to be with you forever."
Mara thought about slipping her dress off her shoulders and making it obvious just how deliberate she could be. But there was a vulnerability in his eyes, that stopped her. He wanted to forge something more then passion. He wanted to make love to her, he wanted to make it matter and he was right. They really couldn't do that out here. They could have sex, but it would be awkward when the passion faded. She didn't really want that.
Mara nodded. "Let's go back to your place. We can always come back here in . . . oh. . . say fifty years and try it out."
Luke threw his head back and laughed. "Promise me?" he said when he finally was able to speak. His eyes were bright with hope.
"You doubt me?"
"Never." Luke said vehemently.
"I never go back on my word, Skywalker."
Luke didn't need to respond. The heat in his eyes was enough. He took her hand, almost formally, and they made their way back to his place without speaking another word.
Han wished that Chewie was here with him. He had insisted that the Wookiee stay home, because he had known that he would try to stop Han from doing exactly what he had just done - ruin everything. He was a complete and utter fool. He rushed after Leia while his mind was going a quadrant a minute, replaying the whole scenario from the very beginning
When he had first seen them in the cantina together, Han realized that Leia and Talon had hugged affectionately, but hadn't actually kissed. They had been calling each other secretly and then getting together on the sly. But no longer walking in a haze of jealousy, it looked odd but not damning. It still made little sense that Leia would plan Luke's surprise party with Talon Karrde and not Han. And why had the smuggler thought that Han was talking about Mara when he had questioned him about it?
Han's first impulse was to go home. He needed to talk to Leia, clear the air between them, and hope that she could forgive him. With a heavy heart, he knew that they had some major restoration to do on their relationship. He stopped and gazed about him. Damn, he'd lost her. She was probably too upset to go directly home. Chewbacca was there waiting for them, C3P0 was visiting with R2D2 talking about whatever droids talk about.
Where would she go? He racked his brains. Suddenly it hit him. He knew exactly where Leia would go.
Leia inspected the leaf of the cloned lily as if she could read her future in the very veins embedded in the green surface. With a short, polished nail she traced the largest of the lines running through the large, curled leaf, inhaling the scent that reminded her of her childhood. The Alderaanian garden was deserted and dark at this time of night. It was enclosed within glass walls so that the climate control carefully maintained the rare species cultivated within. As she stared upwards she could faintly see the stars, and was grateful that the garden was in a reasonably unpopulated area of Coruscant. Leia watched the sky for a good five minutes and only saw one airship glide across the large view windows.
She had gone through disbelief and anger at the party, rage on the drive over here, and now she just felt hurt and hollow. How could Han do that to her? When had he started to think that she and Talon had been . .. had been lovers? Han had been acting odd ever since he had returned from his trip with Chewbacca.
Had that scene in the cantina looked that bad? It had certainly set him thinking, wondering. Leia tried to see it from her husband's point of view. She had been lying to him about her purpose in meeting Talon. But she'd never given Han any cause to doubt that she would betray him with another man.
Han was extremely intuitive and could read her like a book. He knew that she had been lying to him. Why hadn't she just told him about their plan with Luke and Mara? She hadn't told him because she knew that she really shouldn't do such a thing, that's why. Luke had been right. It was wrong to meddle in other people's lives the way she had. What made her such an authority on what other people wanted? Did she want so much control over her loved ones? Leia knew that she'd been afraid that Han would convince her to stop and she really hadn't wanted to do that.
She could no longer be angry with Han when she realized that if he had done the same to her she would have been furious with him. What was worse? Telling lies or coming to the wrong conclusion? Leia sighed heavily and began to wander the twisting path that curled through the center of the garden. So she had lied to Han, met with Talon in secret, and felt furious when he jumped to conclusions. She closed her eyes and tried to rid her mind of all emotion. It didn't work, but she could think more clearly.
A part of Leia, a deep, dark almost hidden part was actually glad that this had happened. Her husband had been so jealous of her being with another man that he had punched him in front of a crowd of people. Poor Talon. The expression on his face had been priceless. She actually chuckled softly. Her husband loved her that much?
Han entered the Alderaanian garden of remembrance. He hoped she was here. It was one of the places Leia frequented when she was troubled. He searched with increasing anxiety. She had to be here. He had to see her and tell her how much he loved her – how sorry he was for doubting her.
A wisp of her glittering white gown caught the light up ahead. Leia was seated in the central part of the garden gazing into the night's sky. The sound of her chuckling reached him.
"I don't know if that's a good sign, but I'll lay odds that you aren't losing your mind. Now me . . . I wouldn't make the same bet." Han stepped out of the shadows and stopped a good distance away.
Leia gasped and whirled around to face him. She hadn't sensed his approach at all. Half of his face was in shadows and she could see a sardonic smile curving the edges of his mouth. His eyes gazed at her with no humor, however. Instead, they were filled with a passionate intensity that made her almost swoon. He still had this ability to make her want him.
Leia could tell that Han wanted to approach, but was uncertain of his reception. She reached out with the Force and could almost touch his apprehension. He had come and she'd known that he would. Han knew her so well. But then she thought, not well enough to trust that she wouldn't betray him. He hadn't lost a thing in all the years she had known him, least of all his wits.
"I always wondered how long it would take for you to snap." Leia said.
Han chuckled more in relief at the lightness of her tone then at her words. He approached her cautiously and said quickly as if he had rehearsed the words a few times before speaking them to her, "I'm sorry, Leia. I was a stupid nerfherder." His mouth quirked in another smile at the term, "and I should have known, I do know," he insisted. "That you would never do something like that. I was . . . jealous. All those late meetings, secret com communications, and ordering that gift. How was I to know that you were doing it all to plan Luke a birthday party? Why didn't you tell me what was going on?"
"Why didn't you ask?" Leia said pointedly.
Han rubbed his hands over his face before replying, "I should have. I know. I'm asking now."
Leia turned away, not quite hiding a blush. "As much as I'd like to remain angry at you for thinking such terrible things about me, I have to concede and take my share of the guilt. I wasn't just planning Luke's surprise birthday party. Talon and I . . . we were . . ."
Han began to fidget uncomfortably.
"We decided to play match makers."
Han's eyebrows rose. "Match makers? To whom?"
Leia muttered so that Han couldn't hear her.
"I'm sorry I didn't hear you. Could you repeat that?"
"I said, to Mara and Luke."
"What!" Han began to laugh and Leia's face went from embarrassed to furious.
"Stop it, Han. It's not that funny."
But Han couldn't seem to control himself. "You mean to tell me this was all about setting up Luke and Mara Jade on a date?"
"Yes." Leia sat down on a bench in the garden and Han sat down beside her finally getting control of his laughter. His eyes continued to dance at her.
"You are serious." His laughter died for a moment and then resumed.
"It was more than that," Leia protested indignantly. "We... I... was arranging for them to think that the other was, well, in love with them."
Han wiped his eyes. "Luke and Mara! Oh come on! Of all the. . . . Why Luke and Mara? Aren't they always trying to kill each other?"
"Kind of like you and me when we first met." Leia said with a smile.
"I see your point. Although I have to say that I never actually set out to kill you. Just seduce you." Han said suggestively.
"We'll get to that later." Leia said quickly. "But first I have to tell you the whole story."
And she did. Between his incredulous looks to his outright laughter and then his moody silence at the end, Leia felt both amused and saddened about the entire thing. She couldn't seem to banish the look on Luke's face when he had left her apartment. When he had learned the truth about their deception, he seemed devastated. Why would he feel like that? Surely not because his sister had practiced such a deception? Was she more accurate in Luke's feelings than she had even hoped? Could he actually feel something for Mara Jade after all? She wished that he could find happiness. Did he love Mara? Did she love him?
Talk finally drifted away from Luke and Mara to their own relationship. After conversing for a long time and promising each other to never assume the worst ever again, Han and Leia spent the rest of the night in the garden making amends in the most pleasurable way.
The lights slowly rose to a low glow when they entered Luke's apartment. Artoo twittered to them questioningly. "Nothing's wrong, Artoo. No, no mission."
Luke and Mara adopted a casual air around the droid. For a droid, Artoo was amazingly percipient.
"I thought you were visiting with Threepio?" Luke asked the droid almost accusingly.
Artoo beeped a reply that sounded suspiciously like a snort.
Luke smiled reluctantly and shot Mara an apologetic look. "No. Please don't invite him over here."
The little astromech droid gave an electronic chuckle and Luke found Artoo's sense of humor charming. C3P0 was a friend, but there was no doubting that the protocol droid could be exhausting.
Artoo's main photosensor swung toward Mara and then back to Luke in obvious question.
"Mara's going to stay here tonight." Luke said confidently, but he shot her a questioning look.
Mara nodded slowly, her face serious.
The droid warbled something and then turned away to connect to a wall charger.
Luke shrugged and smiled at Mara. They made their way past the main room and ended up in the bedroom in the back. They both desired privacy, but they felt odd about ending up by Luke's bed without any preamble.
They had been friends for years. There was a closeness that neither of them had ever experienced with another individual, a connection that they could feel even now. But they were not lovers, not yet. Neither of them had been intimate with another in a long time, and neither of them had ever felt as emotionally involved with another in their life. Mara had experienced a "closeness" with the Emperor, but it was borne not of love but of conquest. Luke had thought that he had loved Callista, and perhaps he had, in a way, but what he felt for Mara eclipsed anything he had ever felt for another woman.
"Drink?" Luke asked but Mara shook her head. He glanced around his apartment as if seeing it with new eyes. This was so unfamiliar to him. "Excuse me a moment." Luke moved to his bedroom and stared at the bed without really seeing it.
"Luke?" He turned suddenly at the sound of her voice.
"Mara?" He swallowed.
"Is everything alright?" Mara asked.
"It's just a little . . .I don't know. I don't want to rush you."
"I hope your not planning on nine more years. Relax, Skywalker. It's just you and me. You know me. I know you. We can be ourselves. Let's just do what feels right, okay?" she said.
Luke took Mara's hand and she gripped it tightly.
"Don't misunderstand me. I want us to be together, more than anything in the galaxy. I just don't want to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and have you decide that this was all a big mistake." Luke confessed.
She sat down on the bed and tugged his hand gently indicating that he should sit beside her.
"Never." She whispered fiercely.
Her response made a weight lift from his soul. Until he had said the words, he didn't even know that he feared her leaving. The Force was whispering to him, allowing him to feel her desire to make this work, and it made him light headed. They sat side by side unable to look anywhere else except at each other. The passion was still there simmering beneath the surface, but a shyness gripped both of them. If they didn't care so much, it would have been easier to breach. But it felt as if everything they did, ever move, ever word, held great import. It was hard not to be momentarily paralyzed by it.
"I really would like you to stay with me. I don't think I could sleep if you were to leave, but we can just do that if you wish . . .sleep." Luke said tentatively.
Mara's eyelids lowered and she asked huskily, "Is that all you want to do? Sleep?"
Luke shook his head, "Oh no. If I did everything that I want to do with you, we wouldn't sleep for at least a week." His eyes glittered.
Mara's heart sped up and her breathing grew shallow. "Okay."
Luke shook his head, "What?"
"I said, okay. Who needs sleep? What's the use of all this Force stuff, if you can't forgo a little sleep."