disclaimer: I'm not JKR, she's about the same age as my mother. She owns Harry Potter, and Harry Potter owns me. Don't sue me.
Author's Notes: Thank you to all who reviewed, without the motivation I wouldn't have writed this piece of crappy fanfiction.
Apologies, this took so long because I had a case of combined writer's block and laziness. I just had to post SOMETHING, and I think this chapter turned out to be total crap.
Review replies, because I love it when an author does this. And because I've always wanted but haven't written anything multi-chaptered before. ^^
Talifiney: I meant to e-mail you about the beta thing, but you didn't have your address on your profile, so I kinda couldn't. I think I could've found it somewhere else, but were too lazy to. ^_^;
The S/R-fandom is so large it seems everything has been done at least once, so it's nearly impossible to come up with original ideas. I, for one, have no imagination so I fall for clichés too often even if I don't mean to.
Glad you liked, now there shouldn't be any mistakes in the spelling because I ran this through a spellchecker, but that didn't of course help with my sucky grammar. ^^
fruits candy: Aww, thank you. I like the picture too. Sadly, this chapter is by no means as good as the last one. -.-
~*Ari*~: They are awsome, aren't they? ^^ And yes, they really should be together. I mean, they gave Harry a joined gift and the way Remus silenced Sirius's mom just screams "mother-in-law".
Letters to a loved one, chapter two.
***
December the 18th, 1992
Oh great. Here I am, in front of my desk, writing another letter to you. I know I'll never send it, and you'll never see it, but maybe I do it just to sort my thoughts. Maybe I do it to make myself remember what it used to be like, loving someone with all your heart and being able to trust them. Or maybe I do it to forget, to make the haunting memories go away. Maybe if I pour them all on a piece of paper and bury it deep inside a drawer, it'll go away, bury itself somewhere deep inside my mind and won't come out to haunt me, drive me insane, as it has done all these years since you left.
How long has it been? Ten years? Eleven? Maybe even twelve. I don't know. I stopped keeping track of time a while ago. It's just the full moons now, nothing else matters. It's been one hundred and forty-two lonely fulls, and these have been even worse that the ones I had before Hogwarts, before Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail. And then I thought I wanted to die on those one hundred and twenty-six nights. How wrong I was. Now I want to die all the time, and on the eve of yet another Full I think I might just as well get granted my wish. Transforming hurts more than ever, Moony wants so strongly to be with you, with his mate, that he nearly tears me apart because even he knows he can't have you ever again. He wants to let go, go to James and Lily. And maybe even you. Weird, isn't it, I'm writing a letter to you when I don't even know if you're alive.
You are driving me insane, slowly but surely. Or maybe it's me, thinking myself to the edge of sanity. It can be no good to linger in the past, after all.
Look at me, getting all philosophical on you. I've just not been able to do anything but think lately. Werewolves are not exactly popular dinner-guests. It's been long since the Order has had anything to do, I think it's more or less split up to the four winds now. I've had a hard time finding a job, since no-one is willing to employ a werewolf, and the shady places that don't check employees backgrounds more or less sack me after a few Fulls. Ah well, I think I'm managing. Maybe I'm really not, maybe I really am. Maybe I just don't care about anything, maybe I just want to die.
Die. That was the first time I have allowed myself to think about that, allowed myself to acknowledge that possibility. Maybe I should leave altogether, stop struggling. But maybe, just maybe, it will someday get better, maybe this aching will lessen or go away, maybe my heart will stop feeling like it's been ripped out from my chest and burned, maybe I'll stop feeling so hollow, maybe I'll learn to live again. But just maybe.
***
AN part deux: Yep, that was it. Short and rather bad in my opinion, but do tell me what you think. That'd be very much appreciated.
As you probably noticed, I decided to date these. The dates are based on the timeline at Harry Potter Lexicon. I just think it gives the impression I really worked hard for these. (Also note how I calculated the amounts of full moons and such. I counted the second one assuming Remus was bitten when he was five.) ^_^;
Author's Notes: Thank you to all who reviewed, without the motivation I wouldn't have writed this piece of crappy fanfiction.
Apologies, this took so long because I had a case of combined writer's block and laziness. I just had to post SOMETHING, and I think this chapter turned out to be total crap.
Review replies, because I love it when an author does this. And because I've always wanted but haven't written anything multi-chaptered before. ^^
Talifiney: I meant to e-mail you about the beta thing, but you didn't have your address on your profile, so I kinda couldn't. I think I could've found it somewhere else, but were too lazy to. ^_^;
The S/R-fandom is so large it seems everything has been done at least once, so it's nearly impossible to come up with original ideas. I, for one, have no imagination so I fall for clichés too often even if I don't mean to.
Glad you liked, now there shouldn't be any mistakes in the spelling because I ran this through a spellchecker, but that didn't of course help with my sucky grammar. ^^
fruits candy: Aww, thank you. I like the picture too. Sadly, this chapter is by no means as good as the last one. -.-
~*Ari*~: They are awsome, aren't they? ^^ And yes, they really should be together. I mean, they gave Harry a joined gift and the way Remus silenced Sirius's mom just screams "mother-in-law".
Letters to a loved one, chapter two.
***
December the 18th, 1992
Oh great. Here I am, in front of my desk, writing another letter to you. I know I'll never send it, and you'll never see it, but maybe I do it just to sort my thoughts. Maybe I do it to make myself remember what it used to be like, loving someone with all your heart and being able to trust them. Or maybe I do it to forget, to make the haunting memories go away. Maybe if I pour them all on a piece of paper and bury it deep inside a drawer, it'll go away, bury itself somewhere deep inside my mind and won't come out to haunt me, drive me insane, as it has done all these years since you left.
How long has it been? Ten years? Eleven? Maybe even twelve. I don't know. I stopped keeping track of time a while ago. It's just the full moons now, nothing else matters. It's been one hundred and forty-two lonely fulls, and these have been even worse that the ones I had before Hogwarts, before Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail. And then I thought I wanted to die on those one hundred and twenty-six nights. How wrong I was. Now I want to die all the time, and on the eve of yet another Full I think I might just as well get granted my wish. Transforming hurts more than ever, Moony wants so strongly to be with you, with his mate, that he nearly tears me apart because even he knows he can't have you ever again. He wants to let go, go to James and Lily. And maybe even you. Weird, isn't it, I'm writing a letter to you when I don't even know if you're alive.
You are driving me insane, slowly but surely. Or maybe it's me, thinking myself to the edge of sanity. It can be no good to linger in the past, after all.
Look at me, getting all philosophical on you. I've just not been able to do anything but think lately. Werewolves are not exactly popular dinner-guests. It's been long since the Order has had anything to do, I think it's more or less split up to the four winds now. I've had a hard time finding a job, since no-one is willing to employ a werewolf, and the shady places that don't check employees backgrounds more or less sack me after a few Fulls. Ah well, I think I'm managing. Maybe I'm really not, maybe I really am. Maybe I just don't care about anything, maybe I just want to die.
Die. That was the first time I have allowed myself to think about that, allowed myself to acknowledge that possibility. Maybe I should leave altogether, stop struggling. But maybe, just maybe, it will someday get better, maybe this aching will lessen or go away, maybe my heart will stop feeling like it's been ripped out from my chest and burned, maybe I'll stop feeling so hollow, maybe I'll learn to live again. But just maybe.
***
AN part deux: Yep, that was it. Short and rather bad in my opinion, but do tell me what you think. That'd be very much appreciated.
As you probably noticed, I decided to date these. The dates are based on the timeline at Harry Potter Lexicon. I just think it gives the impression I really worked hard for these. (Also note how I calculated the amounts of full moons and such. I counted the second one assuming Remus was bitten when he was five.) ^_^;